Whee, chapter two! Had a lot of fun writing this one. I also used up all my will power by NOT having Norman cry: "This is a job for... Psychoman!" thereafter racing into a nearby closet and running back out in the infamous dress and wig. You have no idea how hard it was not to put that in. You all THINK you know, but you lie to yourselves. Liiiiiiiies, filthy lies.
Right, then. I haven't gained ownership of anything since the last chapter. Enjoy.
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Within a few minutes, Joe-Bob, Bobby-Jo and Norman were all drinking coffee and sitting in the den, with a casual sense of professionalism. "Do you have much experience in this business?" Bobby-Jo asked.
"Well, I ran and managed my own hotel for the better part of my life," he said confidently. "So, yes."
Joe-Bob was filled with a suspicion that was perfectly reasonable, considering the sort of people he and Bobby-Jo had been attracting lately. "And what made you leave that hotel?"
Norman froze, then waved his hand dismissivly. "Oh, well, you know how things are in the hotel business these days."
"No, I don't know, *tell* me how things are in the hotel business these days." Joe-Bob said condescendingly.
"Well, I-" he chuckled nervously, "I just, you know, had to close it down. There were rats in it. You know how it is..." He pretended not to notice that a fairly large rat had climbed up onto his chair while he was saying that. "It's really not that important."
"If it's not that important, why are you suddenly sitting in a puddle of what I hope to God is sweat?"
"Please, Joey, show a little respect!" Bobby-Jo scolded. "So," she continued pleasantly, "would you describe yourself as a people person?" Norman considered the question carefully.
"Honey?" Joe-Bob said through clenched teeth. "Sweetheart? Light of my life? Could I please speak to you for a moment?" Bobby-Jo stood, and the two of them stepped around the corner of the room into the main entrance. They began speaking in hushed voices.
"What did you want to talk about? Bobby-Jo asked innocently.
"Have you lost your mind?" Joe-Bob whispered frantically. "Haven't you been reading the newspapers!? Don't you think this guy might have something to do with the mysterious 'Motel Murders,' that we've been hearing about?"
"Oh Joey, stop jumping to these wild conclusions!" Bobby-Jo replied, "He seems like a perfectly nice young man to me." She gestured to Norman, who had somehow managed to bring a butcher knife into the room without either of them noticing and was fingering the tip hypnotically.
Joe-Bob looked at him, then back at Bobby-Jo. "Do you have some sort of disease where you can't tell when someone is a homicidal maniac? Is it transmitted sexually? This man is a lunatic, he belongs behind bars where he-"
"I can hear you, you know." Norman's voice came from the den. "You're only standing a few feet away."
Joe-Bob's cheeks turned blue and another bead of sweat began to form, but he quickly sopped it up with the nearby drapes before it could burst over him.
Bobby-Jo winced. "Not the curtains, dear."
"Sorry." Joe-Bob muttered. "That's the second time today! Do you have any idea how bad that is for my health?" he folded his arms.
"Oh, sweetie." She wrapped her arms around him tenderly. "Stop pouting."
"You see what this place is doing to me?"
"Sweetie..."
"Forget being stabbed, I'll be dead of dehydration in a week."
Before Bobby-Jo could utter reassurance, crashing sounds came from upstairs, and footsteps clamored closer, suggesting two men running. A familiar voice with a hysterical, yet oddly commanding tone screamed, "Put! Him! DOWN!"
Renfield raced into the den, followed closely by Willard. "No!" he was screaming, "The blood is the life, the blood is the life!"
"See?!" Joe-Bob said, "Just TRY and tell me that's normal!"
Bobby-Jo ignored him. She ran into the den, where Renfield had managed to barricade himself behind a few pieces of furniture. Willard was standing threateningly in front of him.
"What's all this, then?" Bobby-Jo asked.
"I'm warning you, Renfield," Willard said, his eyes filled with indescribable rage. "Put him down, now." His voice cracked on the word 'now.' He wasn't a very imposing figure, but the sheer volume of his anger was terrifying. Bobby-Jo suddenly noticed Renfield held a small, white rat, squirming in his grip.
In the main entrance, three figures gawked at the spectacle, apparently attracted by the noise. Edgler, Carrie and Donnie were leaning over the railing of the stairs, like spectators at a zoo. Nny had apparently remained in his room, not being the type to rubberneck. It was a surreal experience for them, seeing such a silent, fearful creature like Willard suddenly looking so dangerous.
"It's always the quiet ones..." Edgler murmured with amusement.
"Hey, shut up." Donnie said, offended. Carrie just watched, unsure if she should try to intervene.
"This is your last chance!" Willard cried, trembling. Suddenly there seemed to be a lot more rats in the room...
Bobby-Jo suddenly turned to Norman, who had been engrossed in the two men's behavior from his chair since they rushed in. "You want the job?" She asked. He turned and nodded. "Break this up." She finished.
He looked from one man to the other, uncertain what to do. Renfield was making no sign of dropping the rat, but he eyed his opponent warily. On a wild impulse, Norman threw the knife he had been playing with at him, where it embedded itself in the wall, inches away from his shoulder. In his surprise, Renfield flinched and lost his grip on the struggling rodent, which leapt to the floor, then raced across the carpet and into Willard's waiting palm. It crawled up inside his sleeve, which Willard drew his arm around protectively.
His rage aborted, he began to stutter as per usual. "If... if you ever c-come near Socrates again..." he didn't finish the sentence, and he didn't really need to. Averting the eyes of those on the stairs, he edged down the hall and back to his room.
Meanwhile, Renfield simply glared at him, then slumped sullenly against the wall. "I don't like you." He said harshly to Willard's retreating figure.
Bobby-Jo was shaking Norman's hand enthusiastically. "Welcome to the Raunchy Horse!" she said to the smiling young man. "Right, honey?" she added, looking imploringly at Joe-Bob.
He threw is arms in the air with exasperation. "Why not?" he cried, "At the rate we're going the next applicant will be Freddy Kruger!"
"Yo, just trimming the bushes." Freddy Kruger said from outside.
Joe-Bob, Bobby-Jo and Norman huddled around the half-open window. Sure enough, there was Freddy Kruger, trimming the bushes outside the house with his clawlike glove. He paused in his work and waved at the people inside.
"The HELL...?!" Joe-Bob screamed.
Freddy reached up and took off his hat, mask and glove. "It's me, Phil! Gotcha!" he laughed.
Joe-Bob fumed for a minute, but soon softened and joined in the infectious laughter. "Fuck me, I guess you did." He turned to Norman. "Yeah, this is our neighbor, Phil." Phil waved again.
"Neighbors?" Norman said with alarm. "I thought this place was in the middle of nowhere."
"It is," Bobby-Jo explained. "Phil here only lives seventeen miles away, and as such, is our closest neighbor. He has a long commute to and from work, and since we're on the way, he'll sometimes stop here."
"So he drives out here all alone?" Norman said. "Interesting..."
Phil gave him a confused look, then turned to the others. "Anyway," he said, "I can't stay too long today, just thought I'd show you mah little joke."
"It was a stupid joke, I can't believe I fell for it." Joe-Bob said, suddenly eager to get rid of him.
"Yeah, I mean, what, did you really think a character from a horror movie would come and stay at your house? That's stupid." Norman said. Everyone had a good laugh at Joe-Bob's stupidity.
While the four of them engaged in a little small talk through the window, the threesome by the stairs had already lost interest and turned to their own pursuits. Donnie had left, muttering something about going for a walk. Carrie started to follow him but was intercepted by Edgler.
"Where do you think *you're* going?" He said, with affectionate teasing.
"Leave me alone." She replied, walking upstairs.
He trailed her. "Hey, I'm only kidding, you know." He said as she quickened her pace. He swung around and stood in front of her, blocking her path. "You know I've been fascinated by you since I first saw you two days ago." Edgler spoke in a voice that might have fooled people who've been manipulated less than Carrie, but wasn't helping him currently. "You're so innocent, so special. I-"
"I don't like being tricked." Carrie said, clenching her teeth. She pushed past him and practically ran towards the upstairs bathroom.
"Hey...!" he said, grabbing at her shoulder as she passed. Her head swiveled and her eyes grew wide. Suddenly Edgler found himself slamming into the wall, sending tendrils of intesnse pain through his back, which made him smile. Carrie giggled girlishly, relieving some nervous tension as he groaned and struggled to get up.
He recovered quickly. "You think that's funny?" he asked. His voice wasn't the least bit angry, but held the promise of impending violence. Carrie shrieked as he leapt up and reached for her. She dashed into the bathroom and locked the door behind her, but she could already feel him beating on it. Before long his bodybuilder physique snapped the aged, fragile lock. "You little..."
He stopped in midsentence as a loud crack was heard. His eyes rolled upwards and he fell limp on the ground, revealing the dark, spike-haired figure behind him. This figure was holding a steel baseball bat with a little fresh blood and hair on it, and it didn't take long to put two and two together. Carrie looked down, shocked, at Edgler's postrate form. Dark blood leaked from the back of his head, but the injury didn't look too serious. He shifted and moaned with masochistic pleasure.
The figure of Johnny C looked down at his handiwork, paused, then spoke with his arms calmly folded across his chest. "I know I'm not really in a position to claim moral superiority over anyone," he looked up, "but I really detest sexual predators."
Carrie looked at Nny with immense gratitude. Even though she would have likely been able to defend herself, that had been one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for her. And look how well everything turned out the last time someone did something nice for... never mind. The point is she was grateful.
"Thank you." She said quietly.
Nny nodded recognition, but seemed much more interested in the semiconscious man below him. "You venomous apes, so wrapped up in your little groins," he raved, "Haven't you ever considered the consequences of your actions? The feelings of others? Are you even listening?"
Edgler groaned with effort and began lifting himself up, clearly regaining some of his strength. "Oh, what's the point?" Nny sighed, drawing a long knife out of his trenchcoat. Carrie wasn't eager to see how this would turn out, unfortunately the two men were blocking her only exist, and at this point, pushing past either of them would be a bad idea for anyone. An idea struck her, and she opened the window. She looked down and felt a wave of apprehension wash over her, but at the sound of a knife digging into flesh behind her, she made up her mind and leapt.
Almost immediately she caught herself with her mind, and floated outside the window unsteadily, like someone attempting to crowd surf without a crowd. Being held in the air like that quickly proved more frightening than exhilarating, and she quickly bobbed up to the roof and landed. She sat there a while, waiting for her pulse to calm and letting the sunshine play on her face. The boarding house really was picturesque, if slightly run-down. Gothic in design, pale colors, surrounded by flowing grass on one side and a pastoral forest on the other. It was exactly the kind of place people's cars had a habit of breaking down next to in horror movies.
But she had to love the forest. It was a botanist's wet dream, bubbling over with greenery of a thousand shapes and sizes, with a network of creeks and rivers flowing through it like arteries. Keeping the forest alive. Carrie gazed down into a cluster of trees near a river, and saw something moving down there. Even from the height, she recognized it as Donnie Darko, and her little heart went pitter-pat as her brain filled up with hormones.
Down by the riverside, Donnie was enjoying a moment of peace, unaware he was being watched by a telekinetic. He had almost lost himself in the mindless trek of the water over stones, when a recognizable face entered his field of vision. Frank was standing on the opposite bank, motionless as a mantis.
"The tangent universe has collapsed." He said, cryptic as ever, and disappeared.
Donnie muttered and shook his head. "I must be the only one my age in the world developing a fear of bunny rabbits..."
Right, then. I haven't gained ownership of anything since the last chapter. Enjoy.
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Within a few minutes, Joe-Bob, Bobby-Jo and Norman were all drinking coffee and sitting in the den, with a casual sense of professionalism. "Do you have much experience in this business?" Bobby-Jo asked.
"Well, I ran and managed my own hotel for the better part of my life," he said confidently. "So, yes."
Joe-Bob was filled with a suspicion that was perfectly reasonable, considering the sort of people he and Bobby-Jo had been attracting lately. "And what made you leave that hotel?"
Norman froze, then waved his hand dismissivly. "Oh, well, you know how things are in the hotel business these days."
"No, I don't know, *tell* me how things are in the hotel business these days." Joe-Bob said condescendingly.
"Well, I-" he chuckled nervously, "I just, you know, had to close it down. There were rats in it. You know how it is..." He pretended not to notice that a fairly large rat had climbed up onto his chair while he was saying that. "It's really not that important."
"If it's not that important, why are you suddenly sitting in a puddle of what I hope to God is sweat?"
"Please, Joey, show a little respect!" Bobby-Jo scolded. "So," she continued pleasantly, "would you describe yourself as a people person?" Norman considered the question carefully.
"Honey?" Joe-Bob said through clenched teeth. "Sweetheart? Light of my life? Could I please speak to you for a moment?" Bobby-Jo stood, and the two of them stepped around the corner of the room into the main entrance. They began speaking in hushed voices.
"What did you want to talk about? Bobby-Jo asked innocently.
"Have you lost your mind?" Joe-Bob whispered frantically. "Haven't you been reading the newspapers!? Don't you think this guy might have something to do with the mysterious 'Motel Murders,' that we've been hearing about?"
"Oh Joey, stop jumping to these wild conclusions!" Bobby-Jo replied, "He seems like a perfectly nice young man to me." She gestured to Norman, who had somehow managed to bring a butcher knife into the room without either of them noticing and was fingering the tip hypnotically.
Joe-Bob looked at him, then back at Bobby-Jo. "Do you have some sort of disease where you can't tell when someone is a homicidal maniac? Is it transmitted sexually? This man is a lunatic, he belongs behind bars where he-"
"I can hear you, you know." Norman's voice came from the den. "You're only standing a few feet away."
Joe-Bob's cheeks turned blue and another bead of sweat began to form, but he quickly sopped it up with the nearby drapes before it could burst over him.
Bobby-Jo winced. "Not the curtains, dear."
"Sorry." Joe-Bob muttered. "That's the second time today! Do you have any idea how bad that is for my health?" he folded his arms.
"Oh, sweetie." She wrapped her arms around him tenderly. "Stop pouting."
"You see what this place is doing to me?"
"Sweetie..."
"Forget being stabbed, I'll be dead of dehydration in a week."
Before Bobby-Jo could utter reassurance, crashing sounds came from upstairs, and footsteps clamored closer, suggesting two men running. A familiar voice with a hysterical, yet oddly commanding tone screamed, "Put! Him! DOWN!"
Renfield raced into the den, followed closely by Willard. "No!" he was screaming, "The blood is the life, the blood is the life!"
"See?!" Joe-Bob said, "Just TRY and tell me that's normal!"
Bobby-Jo ignored him. She ran into the den, where Renfield had managed to barricade himself behind a few pieces of furniture. Willard was standing threateningly in front of him.
"What's all this, then?" Bobby-Jo asked.
"I'm warning you, Renfield," Willard said, his eyes filled with indescribable rage. "Put him down, now." His voice cracked on the word 'now.' He wasn't a very imposing figure, but the sheer volume of his anger was terrifying. Bobby-Jo suddenly noticed Renfield held a small, white rat, squirming in his grip.
In the main entrance, three figures gawked at the spectacle, apparently attracted by the noise. Edgler, Carrie and Donnie were leaning over the railing of the stairs, like spectators at a zoo. Nny had apparently remained in his room, not being the type to rubberneck. It was a surreal experience for them, seeing such a silent, fearful creature like Willard suddenly looking so dangerous.
"It's always the quiet ones..." Edgler murmured with amusement.
"Hey, shut up." Donnie said, offended. Carrie just watched, unsure if she should try to intervene.
"This is your last chance!" Willard cried, trembling. Suddenly there seemed to be a lot more rats in the room...
Bobby-Jo suddenly turned to Norman, who had been engrossed in the two men's behavior from his chair since they rushed in. "You want the job?" She asked. He turned and nodded. "Break this up." She finished.
He looked from one man to the other, uncertain what to do. Renfield was making no sign of dropping the rat, but he eyed his opponent warily. On a wild impulse, Norman threw the knife he had been playing with at him, where it embedded itself in the wall, inches away from his shoulder. In his surprise, Renfield flinched and lost his grip on the struggling rodent, which leapt to the floor, then raced across the carpet and into Willard's waiting palm. It crawled up inside his sleeve, which Willard drew his arm around protectively.
His rage aborted, he began to stutter as per usual. "If... if you ever c-come near Socrates again..." he didn't finish the sentence, and he didn't really need to. Averting the eyes of those on the stairs, he edged down the hall and back to his room.
Meanwhile, Renfield simply glared at him, then slumped sullenly against the wall. "I don't like you." He said harshly to Willard's retreating figure.
Bobby-Jo was shaking Norman's hand enthusiastically. "Welcome to the Raunchy Horse!" she said to the smiling young man. "Right, honey?" she added, looking imploringly at Joe-Bob.
He threw is arms in the air with exasperation. "Why not?" he cried, "At the rate we're going the next applicant will be Freddy Kruger!"
"Yo, just trimming the bushes." Freddy Kruger said from outside.
Joe-Bob, Bobby-Jo and Norman huddled around the half-open window. Sure enough, there was Freddy Kruger, trimming the bushes outside the house with his clawlike glove. He paused in his work and waved at the people inside.
"The HELL...?!" Joe-Bob screamed.
Freddy reached up and took off his hat, mask and glove. "It's me, Phil! Gotcha!" he laughed.
Joe-Bob fumed for a minute, but soon softened and joined in the infectious laughter. "Fuck me, I guess you did." He turned to Norman. "Yeah, this is our neighbor, Phil." Phil waved again.
"Neighbors?" Norman said with alarm. "I thought this place was in the middle of nowhere."
"It is," Bobby-Jo explained. "Phil here only lives seventeen miles away, and as such, is our closest neighbor. He has a long commute to and from work, and since we're on the way, he'll sometimes stop here."
"So he drives out here all alone?" Norman said. "Interesting..."
Phil gave him a confused look, then turned to the others. "Anyway," he said, "I can't stay too long today, just thought I'd show you mah little joke."
"It was a stupid joke, I can't believe I fell for it." Joe-Bob said, suddenly eager to get rid of him.
"Yeah, I mean, what, did you really think a character from a horror movie would come and stay at your house? That's stupid." Norman said. Everyone had a good laugh at Joe-Bob's stupidity.
While the four of them engaged in a little small talk through the window, the threesome by the stairs had already lost interest and turned to their own pursuits. Donnie had left, muttering something about going for a walk. Carrie started to follow him but was intercepted by Edgler.
"Where do you think *you're* going?" He said, with affectionate teasing.
"Leave me alone." She replied, walking upstairs.
He trailed her. "Hey, I'm only kidding, you know." He said as she quickened her pace. He swung around and stood in front of her, blocking her path. "You know I've been fascinated by you since I first saw you two days ago." Edgler spoke in a voice that might have fooled people who've been manipulated less than Carrie, but wasn't helping him currently. "You're so innocent, so special. I-"
"I don't like being tricked." Carrie said, clenching her teeth. She pushed past him and practically ran towards the upstairs bathroom.
"Hey...!" he said, grabbing at her shoulder as she passed. Her head swiveled and her eyes grew wide. Suddenly Edgler found himself slamming into the wall, sending tendrils of intesnse pain through his back, which made him smile. Carrie giggled girlishly, relieving some nervous tension as he groaned and struggled to get up.
He recovered quickly. "You think that's funny?" he asked. His voice wasn't the least bit angry, but held the promise of impending violence. Carrie shrieked as he leapt up and reached for her. She dashed into the bathroom and locked the door behind her, but she could already feel him beating on it. Before long his bodybuilder physique snapped the aged, fragile lock. "You little..."
He stopped in midsentence as a loud crack was heard. His eyes rolled upwards and he fell limp on the ground, revealing the dark, spike-haired figure behind him. This figure was holding a steel baseball bat with a little fresh blood and hair on it, and it didn't take long to put two and two together. Carrie looked down, shocked, at Edgler's postrate form. Dark blood leaked from the back of his head, but the injury didn't look too serious. He shifted and moaned with masochistic pleasure.
The figure of Johnny C looked down at his handiwork, paused, then spoke with his arms calmly folded across his chest. "I know I'm not really in a position to claim moral superiority over anyone," he looked up, "but I really detest sexual predators."
Carrie looked at Nny with immense gratitude. Even though she would have likely been able to defend herself, that had been one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for her. And look how well everything turned out the last time someone did something nice for... never mind. The point is she was grateful.
"Thank you." She said quietly.
Nny nodded recognition, but seemed much more interested in the semiconscious man below him. "You venomous apes, so wrapped up in your little groins," he raved, "Haven't you ever considered the consequences of your actions? The feelings of others? Are you even listening?"
Edgler groaned with effort and began lifting himself up, clearly regaining some of his strength. "Oh, what's the point?" Nny sighed, drawing a long knife out of his trenchcoat. Carrie wasn't eager to see how this would turn out, unfortunately the two men were blocking her only exist, and at this point, pushing past either of them would be a bad idea for anyone. An idea struck her, and she opened the window. She looked down and felt a wave of apprehension wash over her, but at the sound of a knife digging into flesh behind her, she made up her mind and leapt.
Almost immediately she caught herself with her mind, and floated outside the window unsteadily, like someone attempting to crowd surf without a crowd. Being held in the air like that quickly proved more frightening than exhilarating, and she quickly bobbed up to the roof and landed. She sat there a while, waiting for her pulse to calm and letting the sunshine play on her face. The boarding house really was picturesque, if slightly run-down. Gothic in design, pale colors, surrounded by flowing grass on one side and a pastoral forest on the other. It was exactly the kind of place people's cars had a habit of breaking down next to in horror movies.
But she had to love the forest. It was a botanist's wet dream, bubbling over with greenery of a thousand shapes and sizes, with a network of creeks and rivers flowing through it like arteries. Keeping the forest alive. Carrie gazed down into a cluster of trees near a river, and saw something moving down there. Even from the height, she recognized it as Donnie Darko, and her little heart went pitter-pat as her brain filled up with hormones.
Down by the riverside, Donnie was enjoying a moment of peace, unaware he was being watched by a telekinetic. He had almost lost himself in the mindless trek of the water over stones, when a recognizable face entered his field of vision. Frank was standing on the opposite bank, motionless as a mantis.
"The tangent universe has collapsed." He said, cryptic as ever, and disappeared.
Donnie muttered and shook his head. "I must be the only one my age in the world developing a fear of bunny rabbits..."
