Myyyep. Title is just a bit 'o terminology to remind you that, yes, most of these characters were books before they were movies. In fact, aside from Donnie, and of course Nny, they're all books turned movies. ...And in two cases, (Carrie and Willard,) remade within the last two years, in one case (Carrie,) given a sequel, and in two more cases, (Norman and Renfield,) given more remakes, sequels, knockoffs and parodies than you can shake a stick at. Why yes, I am a geek, why do you ask?

No own, you bastards, no own!!!

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Morning in the Raunchy Horse. The aroma of fresh coffee and warm Krispy Kreme doughnuts was enticing beyond measure, and it's Siren song drew boarders like flies. It was almost a testament to the fact that yes, there are constants in the universe: Young or old, sane or insane, none can resist the allure of Krispy Kremes and coffee. One by one, people drifted in.

Naturally, Nny was the first to arrive, and he chatted with Bobby-Jo while she set up the food. Her cheerfulness was both infectious and annoying, and as a result Nny didn't intend to stay long. Renfield came down next, surprisingly lucid, and sipped a cup of coffee with Victorian politeness. Nny was just making an excuse to leave when, without comment, Donnie walked in through the front door. His clothes were a mess and he had clearly slept outdoors. He looked like he had walked a considerable distance too.

"Something the matter with your room, Donnie?" Bobby-Jo asked with genuine concern.

"No, no. I just... I got problems, y'know?" It was sufficient explanation.

"Probably for the best." Nny said, gesturing to Renfield. "This guy screams in his sleep."

"I hope I didn't keep you awake." Renfield said, in a calm, measured voice almost indistinguishable from his normal, hissing tone.

"Don't worry about that." Nny said with confidence. "Excuse me." He made his way out of the room, passing Edgler as he did so. The two exchanged an expression that could crumble cities, but no incident occurred. Donnie walked upstairs to shower as Edgler entered the room.

Edgler cracked open the doughnut box and poured himself an enormous cup of black coffee. Bobby-Jo and Renfield each took a doughnut too. Conversation was nonexistent in the dim light of the rising sun, but that changed when a now-familar face peered in through the window.

"Hiya, Bobby! What's shaking?" Phil said, chipper.

Bobby-Jo grinned wide. "Not much, how's by you?" Remembering herself, she turned. "Oh, this is Phil, everyone. He stops by here on his way to work sometimes."

"So he drives up here all alone?" Edgler asked, "Interesting..."

Snippets of conversation were exchanged and everyone seemed to be in a good mood. But the atmosphere changed considerably when Willard entered the room. Renfield's calm manner ended abruptly, he slammed his coffee cup down on the table. Willard glared at him and drew his right hand over his pocket. He approached the box of doughnuts. "M-may I?" he asked Bobby-Jo.

"Sure! That's what they're there for!" Bobby-Jo chirped.

Willard grabbed three, nodded thanks, and headed back to his room without so much as tasting one. As he passed the den, however, something caught the corner of his eye. A very large something...

"Ben!" Willard's voice was scolding, yet impotent, like a parent chastising an unresponsive child. "I told you to stay in the room! They're going to be very upset if they find you out here."

With aloof defiance, the enormous rat cleaned it's whiskers while looking at the addled man. Willard made a largely unsuccessful attempt to look commanding. "Now, I mean it Ben! You have to go back. Now go!" he gestured. Ben looked at him. "I'm warning you!" Willard's voice cracked and went high.

Ben hesitated, then scampered out of the room, through the main entrance, and out the door, which Donnie had left partially open. Willard fumed. "Fine! Leave! See if I care!" he screamed, knowing the rat would come back later anyway, as it always did. Looking to the side, he realized everyone in the kitchen could hear him and had gathered near the door to stare. Blushing and trembling, he walked back to his room.

When he opened the door, there was a sudden surplus of motion, it looked as if the floor itself was coming alive. But we all know better, don't we? "Food..." he said, tossing bits of doughnut at the swarm of rats, "...food..."

...Later, after breakfast, Bobby-Jo was cleaning up when Joe-Bob came into the room. He had clearly just awakened. "Sleep well?" Bobby-Jo asked, chipper.

"Ugh... don't make me think about it. Any doughnuts left?"

"Hmm..." she did a little mental calculation. "Let's see: Renfield and I each had one, Willard had three, and Edgler had six, so... yes, there should be one left, you can have it."

"Thanks." said Joe-Bob. He reached for the precious orb of grease and sugar, but his hand collided with that of another. He looked up and saw Norman, then drew his hand back as if he'd been bitten.

"Oh, you can have it." Norman said, in a pleasantly unnerving voice. "I'm not that hungry, anyway."

"No! No, that's fine, it's all yours. I have to go now." Joe-Bob sped out of the kitchen and locked himself in the downstairs bathroom. He didn't come out until Norman had finished his doughnut and returned to his room. A few minutes later the sounds of two distinct voices arguing came from behind Norman's door.

"Is anyone in there with him?" Joe-Bob asked, knowing what answer to expect.

"No, I don't think so." Bobby-Jo said casually, "Why?"

Joe-Bob whimpered. "I think I want *my* mommy..."

Time passed, as time is wont to do. And throughout the day, tensions continued to rise between Willard and Renfield. Little things began to prod the dormant demons inside each of them. They no longer even needed the rats as a point of contention between them, they hated each other, genuinely and thoroughly. Renfield mostly avoided Willard, and Willard tried to do the same, but neither man was the type to forget a grudge. In each of them, contempt simmered, and it could not be long before things reached boiling point.

"Holy shit on a shit-shat!" Joe-Bob screamed in mortal terror. He stormed out of his room and into the den, where Willard, Nny, Donnie and Edgler were doin' STUFF. Ahead of him raced a rat the size of a dog. Well, a very, very small dog, anyway. You know, one of those tiny little yappy ones named Fifi or Xaivier? Anyway...

"What's the matter?" Donnie asked.

"THAT!" He pointed at Ben, "I was taking a nap, and when I woke up, that *thing* was sitting on my chest!"

Willard made a pathetic attempt to look innocent. When that failed, he apologized. "Sorry." He said. (See? What'd I tell you?)

"Damn near had a heart attack!" Joe-Bob shakily ran a hand over his mussed brown hair.

"I'm sorry..." Willard repeated, "I tried to keep him inside." He glared at Ben, who was already making his way into another room. "But he dosen't listen."

Joe-Bob shuddered down into an easy chair, still shivering. "I'm coming apart..." he muttered, then looked up. "Does anyone have a sedative, or anything like that?"

Donnie, who was reading 'Valis' on the sofa across from him, brought a prescription bottle out of his pocket and shook it. "My mom keeps sending me these. You can have them if you want."

Joe-Bob hesitated, then threw good thinking to the wind and accepted the bottle of little blue pills, which Donnie tossed across the room to him. "Thanks." He said.

"Yeah, don't mention it." Said Donnie, returning to his book.

Edgler looked up from the flower he was tearing up, and addressed Joe-Bob. "Look, whatever you're going through, there's no need to be upset about it. Intense negative sensations are good for you. They build upon the reef of the soul."

Donnie rolled his eyes, and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'jackass.' "Listen," he said to Joe-Bob, "If something's wrong, just face it. We're here for you if you need it, y'know?" Sympathetic expressions came from around the room.

Joe-Bob practically moaned, closing his eyes. "I can't believe it. I'm finding solace in the company of murderers."

"I prefer the term 'homicidal adventurer.'" Edgler said.

"Besides, I only did that once." Donnie turned away, upset.

"Twice for me." said Willard.

Joe-Bob closed his eyes and chuckled sadly. "I'm losing my MIND!" he all but screamed.

Nny spoke up. "Don't feel too bad about it. After all, deep down, aren't we all a little crazy?" He paused. "I know I am."

"That's for sure." Edgler chuckled teasingly.

Nny's left eye twitched at Edgler. He picked up the pen he had been doodling with and held it like it was a switchblade. "Do you really think that's a nice thing to say?!" He asked threateningly.

"What, exactly, do you intend to do," mocked Edgler. "ink me to death?"

Nny growled and checked himself, knowing that causing Edgler pain was exactly what the man wanted. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" He said, slowly lowering his arm. Edgler smirked.

Joe-Bob paused, looking at the two, then began gulping down the pills.

"Hey there, don't you think you should ease up a little?" Donnie said, raising an eyebrow, but half the bottle was already gone. "Want some water or something, then? I mean... geez."

Everything stopped as the sound of screaming came from the downstairs hallway. The five of them got up and walked in the direction of the noise, with varying degrees of haste. Willard got there first, and saw Ben and Renfield. Much to Willard's delight, Renfield was clutching his hand in agony, and Ben's whiskers were stained with blood. Clearly, the rat had inflicted a minor, but excruciatingly painful wound on Renfield, probably in self-defense. Willard gave a quiet, breathy chuckle at the sight of his rival in pain.

As the others made it to the hallway, Renfield looked up at the smiling Willard, murder in his eyes. "You made this happen!" He screamed.

"No, honestly," Willard was still grinning, "I had nothing to do with it. Really."

Renfield was clearly not convinced. This was evidenced by the fact that, seconds later he leapt at Willard and began strangling him. He knocked him over onto the floor and kneeled on top of him, hands wrapped around his throat, banging his head against the floor with uncommon strength. It took the combined might of Nny, Donnie and Joe-Bob just to pry him off. Edgler just watched, amused.

The three of them forced Renfield upstairs and into his room, locking him in. Donnie and Joe-Bob ran back downstairs, while Nny went into his own room. Willard was still on the floor, rubbing his throat, but he looked generally all right. Edgler had disappeared, and Donnie leaned over the injured young man.

"You okay?" He asked. Willard nodded, looking a little embarrassed.

When Donnie turned back around, he saw Joe out in the main entrance, hanging from a chandelier and foaming at the mouth. Whatever Donnie had given him had evidently kicked in, hard and fast. Donnie walked over to him and picked up the half-empty bottle of pills that had fallen on the floor. Wide-eyed, he looked up at Joe-Bob. "My mom must be trying to kill me..." he muttered, dazed. He pocketed the bottle and sauntered out the door, headed for the woods.

Back in the hallway, Willard sat up. His neck ached unbearably, but he still enjoyed the mental picture of Renfield rolling on the floor. A few feet away from him, Ben sniffed at the air.

"Ben? You're okay in my book." Willard said, smiling. Aloof, Ben started gnawing on the corner of the wall. Willard shook his head. "You really will be the death of me." he chuckled.