No! Don't hurt me, Minimoose! I'm sorry I was a bad author and neglected my scary readers! *Sobs remorsefully* I promise I'll never have a life ouside of fanfiction again! ...Ahem, anyway, I'm back to the old grind on this fic again. I only stopped for a while there to work on another thing, one of my "serious" pieces. One of those things where I use characters I actually MADE UP myself, instead of taken from TV shows! Hard to imagine, yes? But I've finished with it for now, so on with this thing!

NOW FOR SHAMELESS FANART PLUGGING! First, a little doodle of Nny, fixed up a tad in Correl. It doesn't really have anything to do with this, but it's content is similar to something you'd find in this story. It's at: deviantart.com/deviation/1807682

Also, since apparently Meat's gnome picture addresses didn't show up the first time, here they are again, for color: deviantart.com/deviation/1778073

And B&W: deviantart.com/deviation/1778112

Maybe I own them, and maybe I don't. YOU'LL never know!

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Clip, clop, clip, clop... Bobby-Jo's gargantuan heels clacked on the floorboards as she prowled the hallways. It was late morning, Edgler was in the hospital being treated to a slow and painful recovery, and things seemed to have settled down. This is why she was a little surprised to see Carrie and Donnie with their ears pressed against the door to Norman's room. Carrie gestured for Bobby-Jo to come over.

"This is better than TV." Donnie said. Not wanting to pry into whatever was going on behind that door, but burning with curiosity, Bobby-Jo listened:

"I don't care. I want you to stay away from those people." Came a high pitched, crotchety voice. "They're all a bunch of degenerates and low lifes."

"Who's in-" Bobby-Jo started, but Donnie shushed her. "You'll see."

"But mother," came Norman's voice from inside, "You've got it all wrong. They're not-"

"Don't you talk to me that way, young man!" The first voice shouted. "You're no better than the rest of them, talking that way to your poor old mother."

"I wasn't talking back, I-"

"There! You're doing it again, Norman!" The first voice sounded triumphant. "I'm warning you, young man, if you don't change things soon, I'm going to take matters into my own hands."

"Alright, alright..." Norman's voice said soothingly. "Don't overexcite yourself, please." the conversation died away. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps approaching the door was heard by the three eavesdroppers. They scrambled to look natural, and succeeded in looking stiff and weird as Norman opened the door.

"I'm just gonna see how Joe-Bob is doing." Bobby-Jo excused herself. She walked in the direction of the master bedroom, where Joe-Bob was sitting on the bed, still wearing the clothes he had worn the previous day. He screamed as Bobby-Jo opened the door. "It's just me, sweetie." she said.

"Oh thank God..." Joe-Bob said, still shuddering. "I was starting to wonder if something happened to- WHAT WAS THAT SOUND?!"

"That was me closing the door, dear." Bobby-Jo said.

"Oh, good, good. Door closed good. Keeping it together. Keeping it together.." he trailed off.

"Look, it's not that big a deal, you'll just have to stay out of the cellar from now on. Try to relax, honey." Bobby-Jo patted him on the back, he nearly jumped seven feet.

"RIGHT! Right, right. I'm relaxed, I'm calm. A-Okay!" He said unconvincingly, his leg moving up and down of it's own accord.

"Good!" Bobby-Jo replied. "Now why don't you get up, take a shower..."

"NO SHOWERING!" Joe-Bob shrieked. "That's when they GET you..." He looked around, as if the ever-elusive "they' might be hiding in the room somewhere

"Alright. Tell you what, I'm just going to go have Norman collect the rent, and I'll be right back."

"DON'T LEAVE ME! I mean, what's your hurry? Let's talk, we never talk anymore. How bout them Packers? PLEASE DON'T GO!!!"

"Ho-ney, please! I'll only be a second. Besides, with Norman working for us, you don't have to collect the rent from the boarders. That makes you happy, doesn't it?" Joe-Bob had to admit that it did. He watched the door close behind Bobby-Jo reluctantly as she left...

Quite a bit of time passed. A few hours worth of it, in fact. After having Norman collect the rent, -he escaped with only minor injuries- Bobby-Jo took Joe-Bob into town. They didn't do much anything important, but Bobby-Jo correctly assumed that some time away from the house was exactly what Joe-Bob needed. They got some coffee, walked around the park, then stopped by the video store.

"When we get home, we can watch something that'll cheer you up and calm you down." Bobby-Jo suggested.

Joe-Bob nodded, still in the clothes he had worn yesterday. "Yes. Just nothing with anything scary in it."

"Okay," Bobby-Jo flipped through some tapes. "Ooh! How about The Maltese Falcon?" She suggested.

"Eep! Guns!" cried Joe-Bob.

"Oh, of course. How about The Sound of Music, then?"

"Eek! Nazis!"

"Alright, alright, well, how about Beauty and the Beast?"

"Eep! Talking candlesticks!" Joe-Bob practically moaned.

"What's scary about talking candlesticks?"

"Are you kidding me? What ISN'T scary about talking candlesticks?!"

"Alright, alright, why don't you choose one?"

Quite a lot more time passed, they settled on "Bedazzled," (The *good* 70's version with Dudley Moore,) and set out for home.

"Feel better?" Bobby-Jo asked.

"Yes, a lot better." Joe-Bob replied. "Thank you."

"No problem. Now when we get back, you can help me with dinner, then afterwards we'll watch the video, and before you know it you'll feel right at home again." she gave one of her mind-melting grins and pulled up to the Raunchy Horse.

The two of them went inside and made delicious Pad Thai, with frozen vegetables instead of chopped --Joe-Bob's idea, naturally. Everything was going smoothly, which was a sure sign to everyone that something was about to go horribly wrong.

Still, dinner was kind of pleasant, even for Joe-Bob. In fact, it was just about the calmest, most normal, unremarkable dinner ever shared at the Raunchy Horse. Willard still stuck bits of food up his sleeve, of course, but since he was now on rather delicate terms with the rats, he was free to eat what was left. He also no longer showed animosity to Renfield, who was still ranking the things on his plate beneath the things that buzzed around his head.

Nny wasn't the type to just be happy willy-nilly, but he did have a very pleasant, smiling aura surrounding him. Between the absence of both Edgler and Meat, and the Cherry Fizz Whizz Bobby-Jo had so thoughtfully picked up in town, his was filled with the absence of pain. Donnie was absent, out communing with nature and throwing rocks into the creek. Carrie and Bobby-Jo chatted about nothing. Even Joe-Bob seemed calmer. Everything was soothingly perfect, and everyone possessed some degree of contentment.

Then of course, a scream of terror came from the hallway. Everyone turned.

"I'll check it out." Bobby-Jo said calmly. "Oh my God!" Came her horrified shriek a second later. "Somebody's killed Phil!"

"Who?" someone asked.

"Phil! You know, our neighbor!"

"Oh, right."

"He's been stabbed! Somebody stabbed Phil!"

"Don't look at me." Nny said defensively, "I was sitting right here the whole time."

"Wait, where's Norman?" Donnie asked, Everyone put two and two together and rushed into the hallway. Sure enough, there was poor Phil, lying dead in a pool of blood. Renfield immediately bent down on the floor and began licking the blood up, eliciting a disgusted moan from *everyone.*

Since all eyes were on this spectacle, no one was really looking at Joe-Bob. This is a shame, because anyone looking at him at the moment would be treated to a one-of-a-kind sight. Apparently, there's a certain expression you assume when your brain bites itself in half, and Joe-Bob was wearing it right then.

"This time I think I am going to throw up..." Willard muttered, not loud enough for anyone else to hear. He slunk away from the carnage. The perpetrator, however, was nowhere to be seen.

"Wait a minute..." Nny said, peering around the corner. He moved closer and Norman leaped out, sporting a long navy blue dress and a grey haired wig. As if that wasn't scary enough, he had a crazed look in his eye and was brandishing a long butcher knife. With lightning reflexes, Nny brought his own knife up and blocked Norman's. Norman swung his arm around and Nny blocked him again. They went back and forth in this manner, sword fighting with twelve-inch blades. Those who weren't too distraught over Phil's death ate popcorn and watched. Finally, Nny buried his blade into the hilt of Norman's knife, taking a little skin off Norman's fingers as he did so. Norman's grip weakened, and the knife slid easily out of his hand and was sent flying across the room. Nny pressed his bowie knife against Norman's throat. "Knock that shit off!" he said, then returned the knife to his belt.

Bobby-Jo looked at Norman with intense anger. "What did you do, you idiot!? What on earth were you thinking!?"

"He was corrupting my baby." Norman maintained, in a wizened, maternal voice. Bobby-Jo had read about the nature of Norman's crimes in the newspaper, so she was aware of what was going on.

"What?! How could you!?" Her eyes teared with sadness and rage, her arms shook. "You, horrible, evil- Oh well, I never liked Phil anyway." Everyone stared at her emotional 180. "Come on, let's get rid of my best friend's corpse before it stains the floor. What are you all staring at? Chop, chop!"

"There's been quite enough of that already today." Someone said.

"You know what I mean. Let's go!" She grabbed one of Phil's legs. Carrie edged away, more than a little freaked by Bobby-Jo's behavior. Willard went into his room and threw up. Nny, Renfield and Norman helped Bobby-Jo carry the corpse away, while Joe-Bob just stood there, listening to the sound of his mind cracking. And everyone lived happily ever after, until the next chapter. The end, (of this chapter.)