Evanescent
Chapter 4
Thanks for the reviews :) So guess what? I got this summer job that I really wanted, yay, go me! *does Chandler's happy dance* …actually, when I was talking on the phone to the lady, I, well, I didn't actually do a happy dance, per se, but I did a cute little jump-y thing, lol. I'm sure it woulda been hilarious to see…cuz I was chewing on a pen cap, jumping up and down, talking on the phone…just picture it, lol. And, AND my soccer team can finish 2nd in our division this season *knocks on wood* yeah, it ain't first, but it's a lot better than we've ever done before, lol. Oh, hey, back to the knock on wood thing…what's the reason behind that? Seriously, there has to be some sort of reason behind that…does anyone know what it is? If you do, let me know…I'm one of those people who wonders about stuff like that, lol…
Catch your breath
Hit the wall
Scream out loud
As you start to crawl
Back in your cage
The only place
Where they will
Leave you alone
(Simon, Lifehouse)
I wish I would've just gone with Joey when he asked me to go get a drink with him or whatever. Then I wouldn't have had to go with Monica to the game. No offense to Monica. Not personally, anyway. Girls just talk too much. And they always ask questions. Not only about the game, either, though that did get annoying, too. I really wasn't in the mood to explain the rules and every single call made. But they always ask questions, especially when they know that something's wrong. Guys will let it go. Girls keep asking.
God, if she only knew.
But what am I supposed to say? Come right out and say "I'm a fuck up, always have been a fuck up, always will be a fuck up." Yeah, that's one four-letter word she's probably never heard me use before.
At least she's trying, I guess. Though, I really wish she wouldn't. Yeah, I know, I'm a hypocrite. First, I bitch about the fact that no one cares, and then I bitch when someone finally does.
I guess it's just easier when you feel like the world couldn't care less. Then there's no one to hurt, no one to disappoint…no one but yourself.
~*~
"So you actually got him to go somewhere with you?" Joey looked at Monica in disbelief, and she nodded in return. "How?" Monica shrugged. "Well where'd you go?"
"To a Rangers game," Monica replied, sitting down on the couch. "I am worried about him, though."
"I know, me, too," Joey sat down beside her. "But he just…"
"Doesn't want us to be. He doesn't want any help from anyone," Monica finished for him, and he nodded in agreement. "He doesn't really want anything from anybody. He's shutting everyone out."
"So what do we do?"
"I don't know," Monica sighed, closing her eyes in frustration. "I guess we just…don't let him…"
~*~
They sent Monica again. And I really know it was a "they" decision this time to invite me to dinner with all of them. And, now that I think of it, they probably did have something to do with the game, too. And now they know that I can't say no to her, so they'll keep sending her.
Pity.
Out of pity. I don't want their pity; I don't need their pity. But that's their motive. Pity.
And to think that I almost trusted Monica, thought that she might really care. After everything that I know about people, I really don't know why I'd actually think that she was any different than the rest of them.
It's all self-motivated; it's all out of sheer pity.
Guilt.
Knowing that you'd feel guilty if you weren't sympathetic toward someone or something or some situation or whatever. That's what pity is. Guilt.
Yet another self-motivated human emotion. Another way of showing just how selfish we really are. And there is no exception. There is no such thing as a completely selfless person.
Not that I blame them in this situation. I think I'm pretty damn pitiful, too.
I just really wish they'd keep their guilt-risen pity to themselves and leave me alone.
I'd rather be alone.
Tbc…
Yeah, um, sorry this really hasn't gotten completely into the story yet…but I'm getting there, I swear. Just another part, I think…and then it'll really get into it, lol. Someone's pounding on the floor cuz my music's too loud…sorry, off the subject, lol. Anyway, please review…and if you know about the whole knock-on-wood thing, let me know… :)
