Evanescent
Chapter 6
Thanks for the reviews. And Yen-since Becca insists on calling me Masebee, then go for it, lol. And the not being able to see stars in the city thing…I actually thought that up cuz I went with my friend to her boyfriend's and he lives…well, way outside of the city, lol, and you can see so many stars…it was so pretty and I just kept thinking how someday I wanna live somewhere where you can see the stars…But do you have any idea how far I'd be away from a mall then??? (wow, I so just sounded like a 16-year-old girl…wait, my bad, I am :) ) But anyway, so I definitely burned myself in chemistry today, lol. See, now that's why you do not give Jamie fire to play with. Seriously, what were they thinking?
I've been through ups and downs
And back again
Emotional hell
And here I am
I can see
I just choose to be blind
I can run
I just choose to sit on the side
I can keep up
I just choose to let them pass me by
I can feel
I just prefer to be emotionally void
I can breathe
I just suffocate from inside
I can live
I just need to know why
If you want to kill yourself by slitting your wrists, you cut them lengthwise. Down, not across like most people do. That's their biggest mistake. Or their loudest cry for help, depending on how you want to look at it. But if you really want to do it right, it's down the length of the arm. You'll bleed to death faster; no one will have the chance to find you first.
~*~
Monica hesitated slightly, not sure if she should just walk in or not. She was going to confront him. They'd all talked about it the night before, and if he wouldn't open up to any of them, then they were going to confront him about it. Because she was worried about him, they all were. And he needed some kind of help, whether he wanted it or not. And if he wasn't going to ask, they'd do it for him.
Taking a deep breath, she finally decided to go in, knowing that even if she were (I would just like to say that my spell and grammar check said that that should be 'was' but when I changed it to was, it said it should be were...I'm so confused! which should it be? lol) to knock, he wouldn't answer anyway. So she reached for the doorknob, praying that it was unlocked.
As soon as the door opened, Chandler looked up, momentarily making eye contact before looking back down. He was sitting on his bed, writing in a notebook, music on but turned down low. He closed the notebook, setting it on his bedside table before looking up, following her with his eyes as she walked across the room.
"Can we talk?" Monica finally asked, and Chandler shrugged. Taking that as a yes, she sat down on the edge of the bed. She took another deep breath, about to begin.
"Good thing they sent you second and not fifth," Chandler said, interrupting her before she'd even begun.
"What?" Monica looked at him, confused.
"I mean, this is a group effort, right? First, it was Joey. I wouldn't go with him. Then it was you. I went with you. So then you became the spokesperson for the group," he paused slightly. "So it's a good thing you were only second."
Monica looked at him in disbelief. "No one else even knew about the hockey game until after. I just had tickets, and-"
"Whatever," he stood up, cutting her off before walking over to his dresser and taking a cigarette out of the pack.
"Look, I just care," she walked over to where he was standing, taking the cigarette out of his mouth before he had the chance to light it.
"Whatever," he repeated, taking another one out of the pack and lighting it.
"We just want to help," she replied, trying her hardest to keep her cool.
"Do you?" he looked her in the eye, and Monica sighed in frustration. "And I don't need it anyway. I'm fine."
"Obviously," she scoffed. "Look, Chandler-"
"I said I'm fine!" he repeated, and Monica was taken back by the fact that he'd yelled it. She couldn't ever remember him yelling at her before. Not with any fight, any argument they'd had. He wasn't the kind of person who yelled. She was the kind of person who yelled, but not him.
"We're just trying to help!" she yelled back, frustrated.
"Well I don't need your help! Just…mind you own business, okay?"
Monica looked at him, shocked and hurt. When had he stopped being her business? When had he stopped being Joey or Rachel or Ross or Phoebe's business?
"Well I'm sorry for intruding on your life," she finally said quietly, turning to leave and letting the door slam shut behind her.
~*~
"Hey, Chandler," Joey knocked on his door, going through a stack of bills. "Chandler," he repeated, walking in when there was still no response. "Do you know if-" he stopped suddenly, the envelopes in his hands falling to the ground at the sight in front of him.
Chandler's body sprawled out on the floor, covered in blood.
I see it around me, I see it in everything
I could be so much more than this
I said my goodbye's, this is my sundown
I'm gonna be so much more than this
Good goodbye lovely time
Good goodbye tin sunshine
Good goodbye, I'll be fine
Good goodbye, good goodnight
(My Sundown, Jimmy Eat World)
tbc…
Um, I'm definitely a poetry-illiterate person…but I wrote the poem at the beginning of this chapter, so don't like rip me apart if it completely sucks, lol. And I also wrote the one at the beginning of the first chapter. Oh, and, um, I'd like to point out something so incredibly ironic…so I had this conversation with Becca after I'd finished Butterfly Kisses (I don't know if you even remember…me and my damn photographic memory…) and she said something to the extent of "you've had Chandler cheat on Monica and killed him…what are you gonna do next? Have him kill himself?" Um, I was actually laughing hysterically when she said that…cuz I'd already had part of this fic planned out, but I didn't want to be like "yeah, that's the plot of my next fic." Sorry, just thought it was ironic (and I've been dying to tell that story for the past month, lol)…Please review…and please don't kill me :)
