Evanescent
Chapter 15
Becca's leaving me! *sobs* who else is gonnna want to invent words like face eathing at three in the morning?! Who else knows what the hell face eathing is and that is came up from watching Boy Meets World and not Friends?! *sniffs* but it's okay…I may live… The smell of hospitals in winterAnd the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters
But no pearls
When all at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl
(A Long December, Counting Crows)
"Sorry you got stuck with me," Chandler said as he plopped (yes, that is right, I just used the word 'plopped' lol) down onto one of the beds in the hotel room. Joey had wanted his own room since he planned on "hooking up" and Chandler was still mad at Ross, so with Rachel and Phoebe sharing a room, it had left he and Monica together.
"I don't mind," Monica laughed as she started unpacking.
"Mon, it's late…you're unpacking right now?"
"Yeah," she gave him a look saying that he should at least know her that well by now. "So, um, are you going to Ross's party tomorrow night?" she asked meekly, walking over and sitting on the bed next to where he was laying.
"I don't know…I haven't really decided yet," he sat up so that his eye level was even with hers.
"I think you should. I mean, I think that you'll regret it later if you don't…"
"Yeah, I know, " he sighed running his hand through his hair. "I just…don't want to think about anything right now, ya know?"
"Yeah," she smiled at him when he looked back up, kissing him on the forehead before getting up to finish unpacking.
~*~
Chandler slowly got into the hot tub, glad that no one else was in there or even in the pool, needing to be alone. He closed his eyes, still trying not to think about anything. Just how hot the water was against his skin, the steam raising, the smell of way too much chlorine…no real thoughts. Just the solitude.
"Mind if I join you?" Chandler opened his eyes, looking up to see Monica standing over him. So much for the solitude.
"No," he smiled as she got in, not having waited for his response.
"Whatcha thinking about?" she asked as she sat down beside him.
"Nothing," he smiled.
"Really? You look like you were thinking…" Monica asked again, but he shook his head. "Are you okay?" she finally asked after getting no real response. "And I know you're sick of us asking that…but I really want to know."
"Yeah, I guess," he shrugged, sighing. "It's just…as soon as I start to think that maybe, just maybe, I can trust someone…it just…"
"Chandler-"
"It hurts like hell to be lied to by your best friend," he cut her off. "But, what hurts even more…is having to lie to your best friend," he looked her in the eye, continuing before she could respond. "The hardest thing to do in the world is to look someone who you care most about in the world in the eye and to have it be a lie when your response to 'what's wrong' is 'I'm fine,'" he added quieter.
"Then don't lie."
"But it's so hard not to when everything contradicts itself! I mean, part of my wants to trust you with everything that I am, and I don't know why…but then part of me is like, dude, they don't even know what you do for a living, how great of friends are those?" he replied, more honesty than he'd even really admitted out loud before.
Monica looked down, not knowing how to respond to that. "Chandler…"
"You don't have to say anything, I didn't mean anything by that. I was just saying…"
"But you did mean it," she said quietly, and he looked down. Monica sighed, moving closer to him. "You're a data processor," he looked up at her, surprised. "That's what you do for a living, anyway. That's not 'what you are,'" she smiled slightly. "See? I know," she smiled wider for a second when he smiled slightly before looking down, following his gaze down to her hand resting a little too high on his thigh. "Sorry," she smiled, almost embarrassed.
"It's okay," he replied quietly, suddenly unable to break eye contact with her.
Monica stared back, trying hard to read the look in his eyes…but she couldn't. And it suddenly hit her why she couldn't.
He'd never looked at her that way before.
And the next thing either of them knew, they were kissing. Neither one was really sure who made the first move, or if it had just been a mutual thing, but the next thing they knew, they were kissing. Soft at first, the way she had kissed him the night when they'd spent the entire night talking, but slowly getting more heated as they both became more confident. Monica moved so that she was practically on his lap, letting him run his hands up and down her body as she ran hers through his hair, moaning into his mouth as his fingers went teasingly to the top of her bikini bottoms, tracing the edges. She only pulled away when his fingers slid up her back, moving to try and untie her top.
Monica finally moved away breathlessly, shaking her head. "Not here…"
Chandler wordlessly stood up, pulling her with him as he got out, handing her a towel before grabbing one for himself. He took her hand, walking out the door and toward the elevator, kissing her again the second that they were inside, not paying attention to the fact that any of their friends could walk in or to the fact that they were acting like a couple of hormone crazed teenagers. They finally pulled apart, both blushing as two teenage girls got on, giggling at the couple making out. When the elevator got to their floor, they got out, hurrying quickly down the hall to their room, both praying that none of their friends would see them and stop them on the way.
The second that they were through the door, they immediately had their arms back around each other, moving toward the bed without breaking the kiss. Chandler once again reached around her back, trying to untie her bikini top, eventually getting frustrated when it ended up in a knot. Monica laughed, pulling back so that he could pull it over her head instead.
As they fell back onto the bed, Chandler suddenly stopped, staring down at her. Monica looked at him, not wanting to break the moment by saying anything, but recognizing the look in his eyes.
He looked scared to death.
She broke the gaze only for a moment, kissing the scars running across his wrists, trying to help time with the healing process, before moving her eyes back up to his. She ran her fingertips slowly up and down his back, tracing his spine, not sure if he wanted to stop and not wanting to pressure him to keep going. And Monica almost laughed out loud at that thought, that he was the one suddenly so vulnerable. But it only took him a few seconds before he bent his neck back down and kissed her again, this time not letting it stop at that
~*~
On top of her, inside of her, kissing her, touching her, her feel, her smell, her taste…engulfed completely in her… I'm drowning. In all of her, I'm drowning.
And I'm fucking scared to death.
I need her so wholly and completely that I don't know what to do. I don't want to get hurt; I can't get hurt. But…it doesn't seem to matter anymore. She's all that I see, all that I can feel…she's all that seems real to me.
And I'm scared to death.
So maybe…I'll just let myself drown…
Tbc…
Becca! *sobs* I'm gonna miss you!!! *muah* I finished this before you left just for you!!! Hehe, but everyone else, please review, thanks :)
