Title: "Two Words"

Author: Lila

Spoiler: None

Summary: Courtney, on her wedding day

~ * ~

"And please remember, that I never lied

And please remember

What I felt inside now, honey

You gotta make it your own way

But you'll be all right now, sugar

You'll feel better tomorrow

Come the morning light now, baby"

- "Don't Cry," Guns N' Roses

~ * ~

I was supposed to be married one month ago today. It was going to be the most incredible day of my life. I'd found a real life white knight, a dashing prince who swept me off my feet and made all my dreams come true, at least for a little while. But dreams never really come true, do they?

I never knew two words could hold so much power--but they do, and now I know it. Two words, said from such innocent lips, changed my entire life, spun my world on its axis, however you want to call it. All I know is that after that night my life was never the same again.

It's unfortunate, you know. I certainly looked the part of the golden-girl princess. I'd never seen my eyes so bright, my smile so wide. I'd never seen myself look so happy, so in-love, like I was floating on air. I also never knew my heart could break, could shatter into a million tiny pieces I'll never put back together again.

Everything was perfect. Sonny was back, Carly was glowing, Michael was adorable, Jason--I never got to see Jason at the altar. Knowing him, he looked uncomfortable and out of place, but still beautiful. It's too bad I'll never know.

The last thing I remember is the music, soft and melodic behind the heavy oak doors. I'd sneaked a peak in the chapel and it was so beautiful it took my breath away. God, everything was beautiful about that day. I didn't even need to look in a mirror. All I had to do was look in my father's eyes to know I was beautiful, that he was proud, and he accepted my choice. That was all I needed to make my day perfect, the happiest day of my life. I held his arm for support before I opened those doors and married the man of my dreams before everyone I knew and loved. Only it never happened. Those two little words changed everything.

Michael gripped the arms of his chair so tightly his little knuckles turned white. He was like a ghost, glassy-eyed and raspy-voiced and scared out of his mind. He turned to me and looked at me through Carly's brown eyes. "Mommy's gone," he whispered, his eyes huge in his pale face. "Mommy's gone."

That's when I knew it was the end.

My father raced inside, Sonny and Jason on his heels as our bewildered guests wondered what the hell happened to my special day. I never had an answer for them, not one they'd understand anyway. Sometimes life to complicated to explain to those who haven't lived it.

Sonny crouched in front of Michael, begging him for answers, but all that little boy could say were those two words over and over again. I looked at Sonny, cringed at the pain and guilt marring his face, curling his features into a mask of grief. He was calm, a little too calm for Sonny, but the shock was temporarily numbing the anger. I didn't want to be around when the shock wore off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Johnny and Max carefully move all breakables from his reach. I guess they were thinking the same thing. Even in this time of crisis their antics brought a smile to my face. I don't think I've smiled since.

Jason stood behind him with my father, explaining away the wedding that wasn't going to happen. "Mike, can you do me a favor? Can you make an announcement saying that the wedding's been postponed, that there's a complication and it's going to happen, but just not tonight?" I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and I smiled at his words, relieved that this wasn't the end, a temporary setback, but I was still going to have the wedding of my dreams, even if I had to wait a little while longer.

I started towards him, intending to lend my support and comfort--but what I saw made me forget to breathe. His face was blank, his features carved in their usual emotionless mask of indifference, but his eyes--I'll never forget his eyes that night. Never in my life had I ever seen Jason afraid of anything, not even when he was staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. But that night all I could see was the anger, the pain, and the fear. It was the most terrifying thing I'd ever seen.

I took a gasping breath and leaned against the wall for support as people milled around me--but my eyes never left Jason. In the distance I could hear the sounds of glass breaking, Sonny had finally lost it, but Jason remained insufferably calm. Even as his eyes blazed and his fist tightened with bitter rage, angry that something so precious to him had been stolen, he never raised his voice. But it was obvious something was wrong. I stood ten feet away, but I could feel the tension coiling around his spine, feel the anger humming from his body.

Tears pricked the back of my eyelids and I pressed a shaky hand to my eyes. Now wasn't the time to cry, not in front of all these guests, not while my sister-in-law was missing. I could have my own personal pity party later. Right now I had to be strong for the people I loved. I snuck a glance at Jason's rigid figure--even if they didn't seem to love me back.

Emily came out and immediately turned to Jason, laying a comforting hand on his arm. He answered her questions calmly, managing to keep the sting out of his voice, but his eyes never softened and they only got fierier as each minute ticked by and Carly was still missing. I had to look away for fear I'd be burned.

"Are you all right?" she asked and he nodded stiffly, twisting out of her grip.

"Yeah, I'm fine." So much for the boy who never lies. He was wound so tight I could see the tremor shiver down his spine from across the room.

Emily didn't seem to get it though. "What happened?" She pressed. "What's going on?"

Jason's mouth tightened into a grim line and his eyes seemed to blaze. "You know what?" he said and for the first time all night he lost his precious control. His voice was harsh, biting, and Emily took a nervous step back. I didn't have to look at her to see the fear in her eyes.

"I can't--I really can't talk about it. Just--you know, just go home. I gotta go." And then he was gone.

He never looked back. In fact, he never looked at me at all.

~ * ~

Please, please, please respond!