Author's Note:
Thank you for all your wonderful responses. Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out, but things have been insane at work and I haven't had time to work on it. It's a bit short, but it's more of a setup for the next chapter, which should be a lot longer. I hope you enjoy.
~ * ~
"Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?"
- "Why Does My Heart Feel so Bad," Moby
~ * ~
Carly's been missing for two weeks and we still have no idea where to find her. Ric's the number one suspect, but he's too good, too smooth. Jason's searched his house a dozen times and hasn't found a trace of Carly. Sonny isn't much better. He just wanders around the penthouse fondling rope and threatening to kidnap Elizabeth. Sometimes I wish he'd just kill her and get it over with. It would be wrong, but at least we'd get our lives back. I know Ric has Carly. We all know it. We just can't prove it. But if we had Elizabeth. . .no, we can't do that, even if it meant exchanging her life for Carly's.
I know Carly's the one locked up and scared out of her mind, but my life isn't much better. Sonny's inconsolable, Michael's borderline catatonic, and I can count the number of times I've seen Jason on one hand. No one's mentioned my wedding that didn't happen, extended condolences, or made any attempt to comfort me. It's just Carly, Carly, Carly. It's like I don't even exist. All I do is tell them everything will be okay while they do nothing to soothe my pain. Even Jason, my fiancé, has yet to acknowledge what happened. Maybe I'm selfish or maybe I'm so angry that I'm hurting and no one seems to care, but sometimes I wish they'd never find Carly. Maybe then they'd know what it's like to have your heart stomped on, what it's like to finally find the one thing you've been waiting for your entire life, only to have it blow up in your face.
No, I know they already feel that way. I can tell by the haunted look in Sonny's eyes, the fire burning in Jason's gaze. They've lost the only thing that matters to them and they won't stop until they find her. I can only hope things are different when they finally bring her home.
~ * ~
A month has gone by now and still no sign of Carly. I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of everyone acting like I'm not even here. The other night Jason came home early and it felt so good to have him with me again. It was the first time since Carly disappeared that we shared a bed. Before everything fell apart, we'd cuddle all night long and I would fall asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around me. But tonight he hugged his side of the bed, barely saying goodnight as he pulled the covers around him. I slid my palm across his bare chest and played with his hair, but he batted my hand away like I was an annoying pest.
"Courtney, stop it," he said.
"Jason, we haven't seen each other in weeks. I miss you."
"I know," he sighed. "But I need to get some sleep. I have a busy day tomorrow."
"Looking for Carly." The words came out harsher than I intended and he turned to look at me for the first time all night.
"Of course for Carly. She's still out there somewhere, Courtney. She's pregnant and scared and she needs me."
"What if I need you too?" This time I didn't bother trying to keep the anger out of my voice. "You're my fiancé, Jason. Remember our wedding? The one that didn't happen? A month ago all you wanted was to love and cherish me for the rest of your life and now you barely even look at me. You haven't touched me in weeks. What's happened to us, Jason?"
It took him a long time to answer. "My best friend is missing, Courtney. You know what Carly means to me. I won't stop until I bring her home." He reached over and cupped my face in his palms. "Everything will be back to normal when she's home. I promise." He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips and turned over. "Goodnight."
Later, as he slept calmly beside me, I pressed a hand to my mouth, where his kiss still lingered. It didn't feel right, but then again nothing felt right anymore. This thing with Carly--it's like a ghost hovering between us. She's haunting him, begging him to come after her and set her free. Sometimes I feel like I'm living my very own horror movie, only there's no happy ending. Nothing will be right between Jason and I, not until we exorcize Carly's ghost.
The next morning he was gone, not even leaving a note to say when he'd be back. Not that I was surprised. Our apartment is only the place where he showers and changes his clothes. It's not a home anymore; it's a waystation on his search for Carly.
And that morning, I decided I'd had enough. I was tired of listening to Michael babble "Mommy's gone" over and over again. I was tired of Sonny treating me like I was only Michael's babysitter, not his sister. And most of all I was tired of Jason and his Carly obsession, tired of the way he ignored our relationship and what we meant to one another, and above everything else, tired that I was no longer the most important person in his life.
I probably should have thrown a glass or two, destroyed some furniture, it definitely would have been the safer choice, but it decided to take a little trip instead. I packed my bag, left a note for Sonny, and boarded the first flight out to Paris. It was just before noon when my plane took off and the sun was brilliant in a clear blue sky, a perfect summer day. I should have been out with Jason somewhere, maybe a picnic in the park or a ride on his bike, but instead I'm all alone while he tears Port Charles apart looking for Carly. I didn't tell him I was leaving and I didn't say when I'll be back.
A long time go he told me I made him want to be alive, that I filled his life with a love he never thought he'd have. I believed him, once. I believed he was the only man I'd ever love and I was the only woman for him. I honestly believed he loved me more than he loved himself. Now I wonder if he'll even miss me while I'm gone.
~ * ~
I ended up at a beautiful apartment overlooking the Seine with a view of river boats and the Pont Alexander III in the distance. The hallway was light and airy and the doormat was covered in straw flowers. It was so different from my dark penthouse, even from the outside I could tell this was a place of love, a home. I was nervous about being here, after all, I wasn't really invited, but I needed to come anyway. If I ever planned on fixing my disaster of a relationship with Jason, I needed to do this.
I took a deep breath, knocked soundly, and almost fainted when I came face to face with the last person on earth I'd see.
Brenda stood on the other side of the door looking as confused as I felt. She looked good, well Brenda always looks good, but she looked better than the last time I'd seen her. Her hair was longer, darker, and straighter, and her face was a little fuller. There was a sparkle in her eyes I didn't recognize and I'd never seen her smile so honest. She leaned against the doorframe and watched me with laughing eyes. "Courtney," she said softy. "What are you doing here?"
I couldn't keep the shock out of my voice. "Aren't you supposed to be in London?"
She raised an eyebrow. "You didn't answer my question."
From her nonchalant attitude I could tell she had no idea what was going on in Port Charles, but why would I expect her to? She'd left to make a fresh start, get her life together, and it's not like Carly's kidnapping would make big waves overseas. Besides, it's not like she and Carly were ever anything remotely close to friends. I decided now wasn't the time or place to fill her in. "I'm on a sort of business trip. Is Ro—" I started, but I never got to finish my sentence. A young woman appeared behind Brenda, probably only a few years older than me. She was petite and pretty, with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She wasn't drop-dead gorgeous like Brenda or sultry like Carly, but there was an honesty about her, a sense of inner strength and purity. I could see what Jason saw in her.
"Hi," she said and looked to Brenda for an explanation. "Can I help you?"
"I'm Courtney Matthews—"
"She's Jason's fiancée," Brenda interrupted and looked pointedly at my ring.
I resisted the urge to slip my hand in my pocket. "Are you Robin Scorpio?" I asked.
"Yes. . ." Her voice was wary and she had her hand on the door.
I smiled brightly. "I know this is a surprise considering we've never met, but I was wondering if I could talk to you."
"Talk to me?"
"Yeah, about Carly." A frown creased Robin's brow and the door inched closed. "Please don't send me away," I asked. "It's just that, Jason and I were supposed to be married two months ago and it never happened. You see, Carly was kidnapped the night of our wedding and she's still missing."
Robin and Brenda's expressions both softened immediately. "Is everyone okay?" Robin asked.
"Doing the best they can. Sonny's going crazy and Michael's completely freaked out, but they're holding up. It's Jason I'm really worried about. He's like a man possessed looking for her." Robin and Brenda exchanged a knowing look. "Do you think I could talk to you, about Jason and Carly?"
Robin looked at Brenda. "It's your call," Brenda said and shrugged her shoulders. "You're the one with the info. Courtney, it was nice seeing you. I'm going to make some tea."
"Use the instant!" Robin yelled. "I can't afford another visit from the firemen."
"Yeah, yeah," came the reply. "I'll use the instant."
Robin smiled and opened the door wider. "Why don't you come inside and we'll talk."
~ * ~
Please, please, please respond!
Thank you for all your wonderful responses. Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter out, but things have been insane at work and I haven't had time to work on it. It's a bit short, but it's more of a setup for the next chapter, which should be a lot longer. I hope you enjoy.
~ * ~
"Why does my heart feel so bad?
Why does my soul feel so bad?"
- "Why Does My Heart Feel so Bad," Moby
~ * ~
Carly's been missing for two weeks and we still have no idea where to find her. Ric's the number one suspect, but he's too good, too smooth. Jason's searched his house a dozen times and hasn't found a trace of Carly. Sonny isn't much better. He just wanders around the penthouse fondling rope and threatening to kidnap Elizabeth. Sometimes I wish he'd just kill her and get it over with. It would be wrong, but at least we'd get our lives back. I know Ric has Carly. We all know it. We just can't prove it. But if we had Elizabeth. . .no, we can't do that, even if it meant exchanging her life for Carly's.
I know Carly's the one locked up and scared out of her mind, but my life isn't much better. Sonny's inconsolable, Michael's borderline catatonic, and I can count the number of times I've seen Jason on one hand. No one's mentioned my wedding that didn't happen, extended condolences, or made any attempt to comfort me. It's just Carly, Carly, Carly. It's like I don't even exist. All I do is tell them everything will be okay while they do nothing to soothe my pain. Even Jason, my fiancé, has yet to acknowledge what happened. Maybe I'm selfish or maybe I'm so angry that I'm hurting and no one seems to care, but sometimes I wish they'd never find Carly. Maybe then they'd know what it's like to have your heart stomped on, what it's like to finally find the one thing you've been waiting for your entire life, only to have it blow up in your face.
No, I know they already feel that way. I can tell by the haunted look in Sonny's eyes, the fire burning in Jason's gaze. They've lost the only thing that matters to them and they won't stop until they find her. I can only hope things are different when they finally bring her home.
~ * ~
A month has gone by now and still no sign of Carly. I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of everyone acting like I'm not even here. The other night Jason came home early and it felt so good to have him with me again. It was the first time since Carly disappeared that we shared a bed. Before everything fell apart, we'd cuddle all night long and I would fall asleep with his arms wrapped tightly around me. But tonight he hugged his side of the bed, barely saying goodnight as he pulled the covers around him. I slid my palm across his bare chest and played with his hair, but he batted my hand away like I was an annoying pest.
"Courtney, stop it," he said.
"Jason, we haven't seen each other in weeks. I miss you."
"I know," he sighed. "But I need to get some sleep. I have a busy day tomorrow."
"Looking for Carly." The words came out harsher than I intended and he turned to look at me for the first time all night.
"Of course for Carly. She's still out there somewhere, Courtney. She's pregnant and scared and she needs me."
"What if I need you too?" This time I didn't bother trying to keep the anger out of my voice. "You're my fiancé, Jason. Remember our wedding? The one that didn't happen? A month ago all you wanted was to love and cherish me for the rest of your life and now you barely even look at me. You haven't touched me in weeks. What's happened to us, Jason?"
It took him a long time to answer. "My best friend is missing, Courtney. You know what Carly means to me. I won't stop until I bring her home." He reached over and cupped my face in his palms. "Everything will be back to normal when she's home. I promise." He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips and turned over. "Goodnight."
Later, as he slept calmly beside me, I pressed a hand to my mouth, where his kiss still lingered. It didn't feel right, but then again nothing felt right anymore. This thing with Carly--it's like a ghost hovering between us. She's haunting him, begging him to come after her and set her free. Sometimes I feel like I'm living my very own horror movie, only there's no happy ending. Nothing will be right between Jason and I, not until we exorcize Carly's ghost.
The next morning he was gone, not even leaving a note to say when he'd be back. Not that I was surprised. Our apartment is only the place where he showers and changes his clothes. It's not a home anymore; it's a waystation on his search for Carly.
And that morning, I decided I'd had enough. I was tired of listening to Michael babble "Mommy's gone" over and over again. I was tired of Sonny treating me like I was only Michael's babysitter, not his sister. And most of all I was tired of Jason and his Carly obsession, tired of the way he ignored our relationship and what we meant to one another, and above everything else, tired that I was no longer the most important person in his life.
I probably should have thrown a glass or two, destroyed some furniture, it definitely would have been the safer choice, but it decided to take a little trip instead. I packed my bag, left a note for Sonny, and boarded the first flight out to Paris. It was just before noon when my plane took off and the sun was brilliant in a clear blue sky, a perfect summer day. I should have been out with Jason somewhere, maybe a picnic in the park or a ride on his bike, but instead I'm all alone while he tears Port Charles apart looking for Carly. I didn't tell him I was leaving and I didn't say when I'll be back.
A long time go he told me I made him want to be alive, that I filled his life with a love he never thought he'd have. I believed him, once. I believed he was the only man I'd ever love and I was the only woman for him. I honestly believed he loved me more than he loved himself. Now I wonder if he'll even miss me while I'm gone.
~ * ~
I ended up at a beautiful apartment overlooking the Seine with a view of river boats and the Pont Alexander III in the distance. The hallway was light and airy and the doormat was covered in straw flowers. It was so different from my dark penthouse, even from the outside I could tell this was a place of love, a home. I was nervous about being here, after all, I wasn't really invited, but I needed to come anyway. If I ever planned on fixing my disaster of a relationship with Jason, I needed to do this.
I took a deep breath, knocked soundly, and almost fainted when I came face to face with the last person on earth I'd see.
Brenda stood on the other side of the door looking as confused as I felt. She looked good, well Brenda always looks good, but she looked better than the last time I'd seen her. Her hair was longer, darker, and straighter, and her face was a little fuller. There was a sparkle in her eyes I didn't recognize and I'd never seen her smile so honest. She leaned against the doorframe and watched me with laughing eyes. "Courtney," she said softy. "What are you doing here?"
I couldn't keep the shock out of my voice. "Aren't you supposed to be in London?"
She raised an eyebrow. "You didn't answer my question."
From her nonchalant attitude I could tell she had no idea what was going on in Port Charles, but why would I expect her to? She'd left to make a fresh start, get her life together, and it's not like Carly's kidnapping would make big waves overseas. Besides, it's not like she and Carly were ever anything remotely close to friends. I decided now wasn't the time or place to fill her in. "I'm on a sort of business trip. Is Ro—" I started, but I never got to finish my sentence. A young woman appeared behind Brenda, probably only a few years older than me. She was petite and pretty, with long brown hair and big brown eyes. She wasn't drop-dead gorgeous like Brenda or sultry like Carly, but there was an honesty about her, a sense of inner strength and purity. I could see what Jason saw in her.
"Hi," she said and looked to Brenda for an explanation. "Can I help you?"
"I'm Courtney Matthews—"
"She's Jason's fiancée," Brenda interrupted and looked pointedly at my ring.
I resisted the urge to slip my hand in my pocket. "Are you Robin Scorpio?" I asked.
"Yes. . ." Her voice was wary and she had her hand on the door.
I smiled brightly. "I know this is a surprise considering we've never met, but I was wondering if I could talk to you."
"Talk to me?"
"Yeah, about Carly." A frown creased Robin's brow and the door inched closed. "Please don't send me away," I asked. "It's just that, Jason and I were supposed to be married two months ago and it never happened. You see, Carly was kidnapped the night of our wedding and she's still missing."
Robin and Brenda's expressions both softened immediately. "Is everyone okay?" Robin asked.
"Doing the best they can. Sonny's going crazy and Michael's completely freaked out, but they're holding up. It's Jason I'm really worried about. He's like a man possessed looking for her." Robin and Brenda exchanged a knowing look. "Do you think I could talk to you, about Jason and Carly?"
Robin looked at Brenda. "It's your call," Brenda said and shrugged her shoulders. "You're the one with the info. Courtney, it was nice seeing you. I'm going to make some tea."
"Use the instant!" Robin yelled. "I can't afford another visit from the firemen."
"Yeah, yeah," came the reply. "I'll use the instant."
Robin smiled and opened the door wider. "Why don't you come inside and we'll talk."
~ * ~
Please, please, please respond!
