***Each part will have its own warnings, pairings, ratings, etc.***


Authors:  aomurasakiai & Captain Hauq

Category:  shounen ai, TWT, OOC, Humor

Warnings:  This whole darn chapter is crazy!!  Be afraid...  Be *very* afraid...

Pairings:  1+2/2+1, 3+4/4+3, R+1 and Wufei?  Uh..... 5+his tombs...

Spoilers:  None

Rating:  PG-13

Special Thanks:  To Captain Hauq, of course, for helping me write this.

Dedication:  To Presser for his birthday.



Everlasting Love [Part 08 of 08]



"What did you do to Sandrock??" Quatre screamed.

Relena coughed a bit, dusted her tattered dress, straightened her "Queer of the World" tiara [1], and smiled triumphantly. Quatre, face red with rage, stomped slowly toward her.

"You... little..... WENCH!!!!!!"  He grabbed her by the collar.  "Oh I hope that you have a REALLY good lawyer 'cause I'm gonna sue you for *every* penny you own!!!"

Relena just laughed.  "Haha! I have the best lawyers in the world!!  You don't stand a chance against me!"

"Says you, Miss-Queer-of-the-World!"

"Yeah, says me Mister-Winner-Who-Likes-Pink!!"

"That's funny coming from a person who has their whole *garden* painted pink!!"

"My limos too! So?  Girls are suppose to like pink! Unlike people such as yourself who corrupted my Heero!!"

"Obsessive-leech-who-clings-onto-Heero-even-though-he's-GAY!!"

"Sailor-Moon-Crossdresser!!"

"Green-Stockings-Wearer!!!"

"Camel-Lover!!"

"Teddy-Bear-Kisser!!!"

"Tippy-On-Tea!!"

"IDIOTIC-OLD-HAG!!!!"

"FLOWER-LOVING-WUSS!!!"

"SELFISH-LITTLE-BRAT!!!"

"SNOBBY-RICH-BOY!!!"

"DELUSIONAL-TWIT!!"

They both stopped then, each panting, trying to catch their breath. Quatre recovered first.

"Why do you wear dresses anyway? pant People like you should be wearing pant old potato sacks with trashcans for hats." Quatre managed to say.

"Well pant at least I'm not anorexic."

"It's better than being dyslexic..."

Relena sputtered, "I OVERCAME my learning disorder years ago!!  Now I understand the written language perfectly!!"

"Then what part of "Heero. Is. Gay." don't you understand??"

"Oh... of course that Heero is happy...  He's marrying me!!" Relena promptly went into the "I'm-thinking-about-Heero" state. "He'll be King of the World with me by his side."

Quatre clutched onto his hair and growled menacingly.

"Haha!!  Yes!!! He'll be the most powerful man alive and he will not need any friends like you... that Braided Baka Duo Maxwell, that Justice Loving Woofa Chung, or that Clown Boy Throw-up Barfon!! [2]  He'll have me!!  Me-me-me-me-me-meeeeeee!!!!"

Quatre was about to let all hell break loose when a slight electrical crackle caught his attention. He looked down at his feet and saw part of Sandrock's comm link. The small piece of machinery somehow managed to survive Relena's horrible fit. Quatre picked it up and hoped against hope that it was still functional. He switched it on. It crackled a bit when before Heero's voice was heard.

"Qua.......... Zer....is...... xed..... I rep...t.........ero.....fixed....... [3]" An evil smile appeared on the young Arab's face.

Relena snapped out of her fantasy world and snatched the comm link away from Quatre, knocking him down in the process.

"Heero?  Heero?!?!?!  Is that you Heero?!?!  Answer meeeeeeEEEEEE!!!!!" Relena shook the comm link over and over again but to no avail. The comm link had died. Either that or Heero terminated the link.

"Quatre!!!  Your stupid thing won't work!!" she cried, throwing the comm link down in disgust, shattering it in the process.  "Make it work so I could talk to Heero!!!!!!!!" She looked up at Quatre but could only see an trail of dust heading towards the transport.....

~~~At the transport~~~

"Out of my way!!"

Duo leapt into Heero's arms, avoiding the enraged Winner heir. Quatre strapped himself into Wing Zero and blasted off.

Duo sighed. "NEVER piss Quatre off." It was then when he realized that he was pressed up against Heero's torso... naked torso.

"Uh... Heero?"

"Hn. Nani?" Heero wrapped his arms tighter.

"Oh nothing..." Duo replied, wrapping his own arms around Heero's neck. He was about to give Heero a kiss when the transport door opened and in walked.....

"Tuxedo Mask?!" Duo exclaimed.

Indeed it was Tuxedo Mask. Although he was somewhat in the shadows, Duo could recognize him with his mysterious flowing cape, top hat, and white mask.

"Trowa. " Heero stated calmy. Duo's eyes widened.

"Heero. Nice pecs."

"Hey!!  It is Tro-man!!!  Where have you been??"

"The nurse says that I have a mild concussion, but I can't stay in some hospital while my wounds heal! I'm here to cheer on my beloved against the evil who so threatens my friends!! Go Sailor Q!!!" And he struck some corny pose and took out a flag that said "Sailor Q!", ran outside, and began waving it like crazy while hopping up and down, knocking over the plate of food that Wufei was offering to his parents.

Duo raised one of his eyebrows, obviously not believing a thing his eyes saw.

~~~Back at the battlefield~~~

Quatre landed in front of Relena in Wing Zero, which was fully functional and loaded with weapons of mass destruction.

"You're going to be nothing but highway spin art [4] when I'm through with you!!!" Quatre hit some buttons on the control panel. "Wing Zero... transform to SUPER SAILOR ZERO!!!"

Wing Zero began to glow a bright pink. It become so intense that it blinded everyone within a 5 mile radius. Once the intense-ness died down, a dramatic theme played from somewhere, and there stood the most power weapon ever constructed.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

Heero was so shocked by the new... modifications... that his jaw dropped... along with Duo.

"Itai!" Duo rubbed his behind where it connected with the floor. He looked up at the pale faced Heero.

"What..... did he do..............?" Heero said weakly.

~~~Back to the battlefield~~~

Super Sailor Zero looked a lot like Wing Zero... the only difference is that it was that it was in a skirt with beautiful long hair... and that it was... pink.  And not just regular pink.  It looked as though it fell into 10 different vats of pink pint and then thrown into the washing machine. It was salmon pink, rose pink, neon pink, carnation pink, scarlet pink, crimson pink, dark pink, light pink, dark-light pink... and the list continues.

Relena looked up at the Gundam and squealed. "Ahhhh!!  What a nice present Quatre!!!"  She latched onto Zero's leg.  "I love love love it!!  I'm going to take it to Paris with Heero on our honeymoon!  Thank you Quatre!!  I knew that you were just joking about the whole "Heero is gay".  Would you like to be our best man?" she said all in one breath.

Quatre's eyebrow twitched. And his eyes turned glassy as he pressed the button to activate the Zero System.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

"Oh man... he is going to get her ass kicked." remarked Duo while looking out the transport's window.

"Really?! My beloved!!" Tuxe- Trowa shoved Duo aside to glance out toward the pink Gundam.

"Hey!!  Watch it!!" Duo said shoving back.

"Cease at once!! I'm trying to cheer Sailor Q on!!" Trowa whined pushing against Duo.

After a few minutes of shoving, Duo decided to just let him be. There was really no point.

"Oi Heero? Did you hear what I just said?" Duo asked turning towards him. He spotted Heero kneeling next to Wufei with 2 mounds of what suspiciously looked like tombs under sacramental flags in front of him. As he approached him, Heero sniffled.

"First my laptop..... and now Zero........." He turned to grab a Kleenex from Wufei.

Duo tried his hardest to stay calm, biting his lower lip to keep from screaming

~~~Battle Time!!!~~~

"Get the hell off!!!" Quatre flung Relena off of Zero's leg. She landed an impressive distance away. Relena got up immediately and glared at the blonde.

"You meanie!! How dare you?!?! Heero is going to take me to Paris in that!! Give it back!!!  That is mine!!! Mine-mine-mine-mine-mine-mine-MINE!!!!!"

"Oh shut up!! I'm going to kick you all the way to kingdom come!!" He pressed a glowing pink button on the control panel. "CHRYSANTHEMUM TEA ATTACK!!" [5]

From some mysterious compartment located in Zero's left arm, boiling hot chrysanthemum tea spilled out and headed towards Relena.

Relena looked up, saw the huge tidal wave of tea, and.....

"AHHHHH!!!!  I'm allergic to chrysanthemum!!!!" She began sprinting away but couldn't escape the huge tea tsunami. She began to break out in hives.

"BURN!! YES BURN!!!!!!" Quatre was heard in the distance.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" she shrieked, scratching vigoriously at her skin. She managed to scramble up a small molehill where the tea didn't reach her.

"Mwuhahahaha!!!!! You thought that you escaped?? Oh there is more where that came from!!!" He pressed yet another glowing pink button on the control panel. "CARNIVORIOUS BUNNIES ATTACK!!!!!!"

And from yet another mysterious compartment located in Zero's legs, out came thousands of meat hungry bunny rabbits that  immediately headed towards the only meat in the area.

Relena looked up from her scratching session and spotted the bunnies. She paled.

"AYEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!" She stepped down from the molehill, leapt over the ocean of chrysanthemum tea, and sprinted off. The bunnies followed her at an incredible rate.

"YES!!!! YES, GO MY LITTLE PETS!!!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

"AHHHHH!!!" she sneezed violently. So violently that she slipped and fell flat on her face. The bunnies caught up and began tearing at her tattered dress and what remained of her skin.

"My wedd.... wedding........dr.............. !!!" she screamed, batting away the bunnies. "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" She jumped up and ran towards the battered Sandrock, hitting random bunnies here and there. She picked up Sandrock and smiled evilly. The bunnies halted.

"I'll teach you!!!" She didn't waste any more time as she swung the metal piece at the bunnies, killing several. The blood from those who died made the others go crazy. They began attacking each other and more blood flew from them. Relena began laughing.

"Ahahahahaha!" She smiled triumphantly, pausing for a moment to relieve an itch.

Quatre growled menacingly in his throat. "I'LL TEACH YOU!!!" He pressed a third glowing pink button. "TEST TUBE MISSILES ATTACK!!!!!!"

From a third mysterious compartment, a large test tube blasted off and dropped onto Relena. A huge green explosion resulted from the impact. After the smoke cleared, Relena stood, feigning a yawn.

"That's the best you got?"

Quatre smiled slightly.

"What are you going to do now?" she inquired.

"I'm gonna kick some butt." [6] Quatre opened a small box that concealed another glowing pink button! He pressed it and held on.  A pink laser ball appeared at the end of Zero's Buster Rifle.

"You don't get it do you Relena?" The pink laser ball began crackling electricity and pulsing.

"The tea... the bunnies... they were just a taste of what I have in store for you. You see, the test tubes held a radioactive substance..."

And stronger...

"Complex Tachyon particles [7] will break down, releasing more radioactive energy than a supernova explosion..."

And stronger...

"...when exposed to a powerful pink laser like this one I have here..."

And stronger... [8]

~~~Back at the transport~~~

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Apparently Duo had finally snapped...

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!!!!! First we have the former Queen of the World who is as indestructible as she is obsessive and annoying! Quatre, who is dressed as a Sailor Scout and attacking her with TEA AND BUNNIES!!! Trowa, who is dressed as Tuxedo Mask and obviously received some BRAIN DAMAGE!!!!! Wufei, who is praying because he lost 2 FREAKIN' SWORDS!!!!!! Heero, who decides to become emotional because his LAPTOP DIED AND ZERO'S PINK!!!!!!!! And me, who is currently on a RANT RAMPAGE because I'm surrounded by the AFOREMENTIONED PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" [9]

He collasped to the floor. "And now... we're counting on a........ huge........ pink.......... ball............................." He jumped up and began waving his arms frantically. "Great!! Just great!! Might as well dig my grave now!!!!"

Duo's rantings went unnoticed.

~~~Back to the battle~~~

Finally, Quatre released the button.

The pink laser ball, which have grown to a size of a house, flew towards Relena........ in an ultra slow snail pace.

~~~Back at the transport~~~

Duo halted, sweatdropped, and fell over, anime style.

~~~Back to the battle~~~

Slowly but surely, the pink laser ball made its way to Relena. She was somewhat in trepidation as it got closer and closer. Tenatively, she reached out and probed the ball gently. It hummed a bit and pulsed a bit when.....


... nothing happened...


"Hehe.... haha...... HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" Relena peered around and saw the ball was nowhere in sight.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" Relena looked at Quatre. "I'm sorry... didn't you say that this ball would have some kind of reaction if it touched me?"

Quatre just smiled.

What Relena didn't realize that the ball had actually flown above her and was in the process of descending... right on top of her. Surprisingly, it didn't pop or explode but it was encasing her within. She noticed this but it was too late...

Relena's eyes widened in shock when she found herself within the confines of the pink laser ball. She began to pound against it, trying to get out but it was no use. She looked up at Quatre, fear clearly reflected in her blue eyes.

"Sayonara... Relena Peacecrap..."

Then, the pink ball shot upwards at a speed that was nearly the speed of light. Reaching the far corners of the galaxy in a matter of seconds, it began to pulse and hum violently.

As the particles began to break down, Relena felt incredibly dizzy as the radiation bombarded her brain. In less than a minute, she resembled a melted GI-Joe than a human being. [10] Relena was screaming her brains out as the pink laser ball shrank until it was only 2 feet in diameter. Relena was attempting to cry for help (most likely from Heero) but her foot was shoved up her mouth.

Without warning, the pink ball exploded with such a force that made a supernova look like a firecracker. The light and heat from it was enough to put the brightest stars to shame.

After everything settled... Relena was no where to be found... [11]

~~~Back on Earth~~~

"WHOO HOOOOOOO!!!" Duo bursted from the transport and glomped onto Quatre. "I never doubted you for a second Q-man!!"

"Right Duo..." the blonde said, extricating himself from the overly happy pilot and making his way to Trowa.

"I didn't!!" Duo protested.

"It's alright now Hee-chan... it's over... finally."

"Someone still has to calm down Sailor moon and Tuxedo Mask," he reminded, "and I still think we should talk Wufei out of his 3 month fast..."

"Why?"

"Hn. Baka." Heero said, giving a slight smile before pulling Duo into his arms.

Duo smiled back and looked up at the sky, spotting a sparkling star.

~~~Somewhere deep in the Amazons~~~

A single strand of light brown hair glistened in the sun...



Owari... or is it?
Author's Notes:
[1] Remeber back in part 6?
[2] Poor Trowa...  Relena really butchered his name...  "Throw up Barf on"
[3] "Quatre, Zero is fixed. I repeat, Zero is fixed."
[4] From "Rocket Power".
[5] So I like chrysanthemum tea...
[6] Got this from "Disney's Inspector Gadget" starring Matthew Broderick.
[7] Hauq's a Star Trek Fan. =P
[8] I bet you're thinking "Just shut up and shoot her already!!" 'cause that's what I'm thinking while writing this.
[9] Well here's a nice part where Duo gets to vent...
[10] She really didn't look human to start with...
[11] Wild cheering and applause.