Thanks firstly to Bex, what would we do without you sweetie? And your very own Shadowz, writer of many Buffy and Redwall fics. It wouldn't be half as dirty with out you either!!!! As for disclaimers. rearrange this sentence, Characters me create no big.

Chapter 3

Two weeks later

Hermione and Ron were walking back up to the boy dormitory for some 'private time' despite the fact that it was perrminatly populated with one giant orgy. They had given up trying to access the girls dorm after Ron had managed to lose Hermione in the crowd whilst attempting to crawl up the now sloping stairs. Sadly he never managed to work out that it was simpler to fly up there by broomstick. Something the other horny boys hadn't had any trouble working out what so ever. Ron turned to Hermione, "So, who did Harry choose?" Hermione shrugged. "They've been there for about fortnight, I think. Talk about suspense" They entered Ron's dorm to find that Snape had WASHED HIS HAIR in a heroic attempt to drive Harry away from Malfoy. This had, obviously, not worked. The two horny teenage boys were currently locked in a potions closet together and sparks were flying. "OUCH! That was my foot!!" Harry hopped around on one foot as best he could in the confined space. "Come here baby!" Draco wrapped his arms around Harry's neck and pulled him closer. "Don't you think Snape is such a greasy prick?" He asked hypocritically with an infamous smirk adorning his face "I'm telling my dad about him"
At that very moment Lucius Malfoy entered Dumbledore's office, only to find the ancient headmaster humping his chair in practice for McGonagall. "Uh. Is this a bad time?" Lucius asked, eyes firmly fixed on the threadbare carpet. "Oh-no - come - on - in" Lucius did so, but hesitated at the sight of Dumbledore carrying on with the chair. "So - Lucius, - what's - up?" "I was, uh, wondering if you'd seen Dobby?" "He's - helping - professor - Sprout - with - her - cabbages - in - greenhouse - four. Want - to - pass - the - time - with - me?" Lucius 'considered' Dumbledore's slow and decrepit offer, "well you only live once, why not?!"