Chapter 2
The eggs rolled through the iridescent icy caverns to a dead end. The dead end of the icy wall then parted to reveal a reinforced metallic door decorated with a talon grasping a globe. The door slide open to allow the crystal eggs with their capture to enter. The eggs proceeded down a brightly lit, futuristically designed passageway. They turned into a small, warm, dimly lit metallic room. Against one side of the room was a tapestry with the logo of the talon grasping a globe and under the logo was the anagram: F.O.W.L.
The eggs wheeled to the side of the room with the tapestry. The eggs positioned their prey to face away from the wall and afterward flipped their wheels down to stabilize their unit. The eggs then extended their restraining tentacles on their captive. As the limbs were stretched out the egg flipped the prisoners up so that they faced forward and slightly off the floor. Darkwing and Launchpad were stretched out into an 'X' position.
A robotic unit entered from a panel in the wall. This robotic unit was basically a large egg shaped bin with four protracted arms. The egg basket glided towards the hostages and methodologically removed their outer clothing and placed the arctic gear into its basket component. Darkwing and Launchpad were now sporting their typical attire.
Darkwing snorted, "You forgot my hat."
The robotic egg basket reached into Darkwing's purple jacket and took out Darkwing's famous grey fedora. The robot put the hat on Darkwing's head and tilted the hat to an aesthetically pleasing angle.
Darkwing said in surprise, "Eh, Thank you." The robot saluted then turned to go park itself in a corner of the room.
Launchpad was impressed. "Wow. We should think about getting something like that."
A muffled female voice answered, "Sorry, Mr. Launchpad McQuack. That particular model can only be purchased from FOWL's recent holiday catalog; on page 359."
Darkwing and Launchpad turned to the direction of the voice. Entering the small room was a tall woman with two burly Egg Men in tow.
Darkwing observed the woman. She was someone new to the FOWL organization or at least someone he never dealt with before. She wore a long, white hooded cloak and had a white leather muzzle over her nose and mouth. Her face was not only obscured by the hood and muzzle but a long feathered tuft of sapphire blue bangs mostly covered her left eye. From what Darkwing could see, the woman also wore light-blue, short leather gloves and had on light-blue, high-heeled leather boots.
Darkwing remarked to the woman, "You're a new one."
She turned to address Darkwing, "Wow, Mr. Darkwing Duck! You're FOWL's most infamous bother. I'm honored that you stopped by my little hole in the wall. It's a shame you came unannounced. If I knew you were coming, I'd've baked a cake."
Darkwing sneered, "No, thanks. I'm trying to cut down on my sugar intake."
Launchpad replied under his breath, "I would've enjoyed some cake." Darkwing gave Launchpad a withering look. Launchpad simpered back.
Darkwing demanded, "Enough with the pleasantries. Who the pluck are you?"
The woman flinched. "Oh my, such foul language," she chuckled then continued, "I'm sorry I didn't get to introduce myself. I'm Lady Cleaver but you can refer to me by my nickname of Lady C." And with that she performed a dainty little curtsy.
"She's very polite, DW," Launchpad commented.
Darkwing rolled his eyes and grunted.
Lady C strolled over to a panel of buttons on the wall. She pressed a series of buttons then took out a small rod-like device from within her cloak.
Darkwing felt the tentacles of the egg loosen; eventually the tentacles fully retracted back into the crystal robotic egg. Darkwing landed on his feet as the egg shaped device thudded onto the ground. Darkwing laughed, "Boy, oh boy. You must be truly stupid. I believe Lady C really stands for Lady Cockeyed." Darkwing got ready to jump Lady C when she pointed her handheld device.
Lady C yelled, "Freeze!"
Darkwing stopped in mid-lunge. His feet were fixed to the ground with his arms out in front. He tried to move but couldn't. Darkwing growled, no wonder the burly Egg Men by the door didn't bother to try and stop him. Lady C had some means of protecting herself all along.
Lady C bleated, "Do you have to be so nasty, Mr. Darkwing? Why, I've been perfectly ladylike towards you and your colleague."
Darkwing glared at her since he was unable to control his body enough to be able to speak.
Launchpad questioned, "Taking us captive is ladylike?"
Lady C pointed her device at Launchpad and ordered, "Hush! Prisoners should be seen and not heard." Launchpad immediately was silenced.
Lady C then pointed the device at Darkwing and demanded, "At ease and remain still." She put the device in her pocket.
Darkwing felt his body move into a standing relaxed position. Lady C signaled the robotic egg basket to come to her. Lady C got down on her knees in front of Darkwing. She pushed his long blue-violet cape back and she then began to unbutton his double breasted purple jacket. Darkwing had enough control over his body to loudly gulp. He couldn't believe it; he's had dreams like this. Darkwing felt Lady C leisurely run her hands over his opened jacket and snug cerulean turtleneck shirt.
Lady C noticed Darkwing was flushed. She chastised, "Oh my word, calm down. This isn't what you're thinking."
Lady C subsequently started to remove Darkwing's various stashed items and toss them into the robotic egg basket. A high-tech magnifying glass, handcuffs, gum, knives, sporks, hooks, PDA camera cell phone with GPS & personal multimedia player, handkerchiefs, medic-pack, flask, deck of cards, rope, Mickey Mouse keychain, canisters, grenades, etc … they all went into the egg basket. Darkwing groaned when she removed his ultramodern gas gun.
"Oh, don't be such a whiny baby," Lady C chided. Lady C found a wallet on Darkwing and promptly searched through it. No ID but there was a good amount of cash which she happily pocketed.
Darkwing grunted in protest.
"Whatever, Mr. High and Mighty. Finders, keepers…," Lady C retorted. She continued with her rummaging. "As good as the egg basket is; it's still not an expert on the finer points of a personal search. It sometimes tends to miss a lot of important items. I guess robots still aren't good enough to replace flesh and blood personnel," Lady C remarked.
One of the burly Egg Men responded, "Thank goodness."
The other Egg Man replied, "You bet!"
Lady C nodded in agreement. She ran her hands over Darkwing's body for a finally once over. She stopped and pulled out some foiled wrapped packets. She puzzled over the items then tossed them into the basket with everything else. She demurely closed her eyes and said in a hushed voice, "I guess you're prepared for anything." Darkwing uncontrollably smirked.
Lady C satisfied with her search, buttoned up Darkwing's jacket. She got back on her feet and sighed, "Ugh, that was the only time today I've been off my feet. I really need to sit down." She looked around the small room but there were no seats available. Lady C grumbled, "I really need to talk to the staff about removing chairs from the interrogation room." She turned her attention back to Darkwing. "But I think I may have a solution." She took the small rod-like device out of her pocket and pointed it at Darkwing who was still standing at ease. She commanded, "I need a bench."
Darkwing promptly got down on his hands and knees. The muscles of his body locked into place and stiffened up like a board. Lady C walked around Darkwing and inspected him like she was deciding to purchase a piece of furniture. She stroked his back and gently pushed down. Lady C stated, "Seems sturdy enough." She straightened out the drape of Darkwing's cape on his back. She then turned around and sat down on Darkwing's rigid back. She happily declared, "Whadidyoknow? It's perfect."
Lady C's communicator gently buzzed. She picked it up and answered. On the communicator's view-screen was a heavy-set, mature bird with brown, shoulder length, shaggy hair and bushy eyebrows. On top of her head was a red scarf with a black polka dot design. The woman on the view-screen screeched, "Howdy, Lady Cleaver! Ammonia Pine here! Guess who dropped by my station."
Lady C gleefully answered, "Ooh—I think know. Was it SHUSH agents?"
Ammonia cackled, "Yup, and not just any batch of SHUSH agents. This group was headed by SHUSH's Chief Agent Gryzlikoff."
"Oh, that's something special. But guess who I have over at my place," Lady C gloated.
Ammonia whined, "Oh no! Don't tell me, you got … Darkwing Duck!!"
Lady C boasted, "Right you are. And his sidekick too, Launchpad McQuack." Lady C then took Darkwing's hat off his head and roguishly placed his hat on top of her hooded head.
"No fair, I wanted to mop the floor up with Darkwing. He had the audacity to bust Steelbeak's recent operation. And with the bounty on Darkwing's head, it would've been a nice bonus just in time for the holidays."
"Don't worry I'll fix Darkwing real good." Lady C chuckled as she absentmindedly played with her makeshift bench's tail plume. "Oh my, I forgot to ask. How are things on your end at the South Pole?"
"Just peachy. I cleaned SHUSH's agent Gryzlikoff and his cohorts' clocks up real good. Everything still is on schedule as planned."
"That's wonderful news. On my end, Darkwing Duck and his assistant are under control and the operation is running smoothly."
There was a brief silence before Ammonia bashfully spoke, "Uh, um … what are your thoughts on Agent Steelbeak?"
Lady C sighed, "He's a nice gentleman."
"You think so? Have you partnered up with him yet?"
"No. I've trained under his tutelage though."
"OH! Well … then." Ammonia paused then blurted, "Are you and Steelbeak a team—like soap and water?!"
Lady C answered in shock, "Oh no! It's not like that. I'm a free agent."
Ammonia breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Unfortunately Ammonia and Lady C's conversation didn't end there. They went on about various methods of household cleaning, Agent Steelbeak, food preparation, Agent Steelbeak, the latest fashions, Agent Steelbeak, hair & makeup tips, and who was the cuter superhero: Darkwing Duck or Gizmoduck. It was a tie, Ammonia felt Gizmo looked cleaner while Lady C liked Darkwing's outfit. Lady C mentioned that despite Darkwing's great costume, he did have a dirty mouth and mind. Lady C and Ammonia subsequently went on to discuss Darkwing's despicability.
Launchpad distressfully shook his head; this Lady C was a depraved, sadistic villainess. If he wasn't silenced, he would've screamed out in dire agony two hours ago.
Darkwing mentally screamed out in anguish. He thought his brain was going to seize up like his body. At this point he wished his brain would seize up, at least he would be out of his misery. He didn't how much longer he could withstand this torture before losing his mind, yet again.
Lady C howled with laughter, "… I didn't know the size of a drake's bill meant that." She then said her good-bye to Ammonia Pine on the communicator before putting it away. She thoughtfully rubbed her veiled chin and mumbled, "I was supposed to do something." She perked up and snapped her fingers. "Oh, yeah. My hostages. I nearly forgot."
Lady C picked up the device that she placed on her lap during her lengthy conversation with Ammonia. She rolled it around her gloved hand and spoke to her captives, "This is a wonderful device as you know. It's charmingly called Consbrainer 45. If you haven't figured it out; it's a prototype of a highly advanced mind control device." She playfully flipped the device in her hand and continued, "But FYI, this little thingy is just the tip of the iceberg. FOWL has built two much larger devices. The larger devices are delightfully known as The Consbrainer 800. As wondrously strong the two devices are, they simply don't have the raw power to effectively control as many people as FOWL High Command would prefer. Thankfully, the great scientific minds at FOWL figured that placing the devices on the planet's magnetic poles would amplify their signals to the point where they could affect the entire world. With every single living being under FOWL's control, a new day will be dawning, a bright FOWL future." Lady C jubilantly clasped her hands.
Launchpad mutedly gasped in sheer terror while Darkwing silently cursed FOWL's heinous plans.
Lady C stated, "According to Ammonia Pine, The South Pole facility is already up and running. All that's left is for this facility to power up and go online."
Lady C leaned forward on her living improvised stool and gently ran her hand up Darkwing's rigid leg. "Of course Mr. Darkwing, my fine feathered furniture; you won't be around to see that beautiful day. FOWL High Command has put out a death warrant on you for destroying the precious Ditto Design cloning facility. Then to make matters worse, you had the nerve to put a stop to Project Pygmalion." She sat up and tenderly stroked Darkwing's head. "You my friend, are so dead." She sighed, "Exterminating you will be a major achievement in my glorious FOWL career."
Lady C gazed at the bleary fettered sidekick. "Let's see. Well, you Mr. Launchpad; there's no bounty on you and you seem like a really nice gentleman. I guess FOWL can always use another helping hand. I know I always can." Lady C called her Egg Men guards. There was no response; she looked towards them. The two burly Egg Men guards were fast asleep on the floor. Lady C placed the mind control device on her lap and loudly clapped her hands. She yelled, "Wake up! Rise and Shine!!"
The Egg Men stirred. They fully awoke and got up on their feet. They saluted and said in unison, "Yes, Lady Cleaver. At your command!"
"That's better." Lady C pointed to Launchpad. "Take him for processing." She mumbled, "Thank goodness, not all of Project Pygmalion's equipment was confiscated."
One Egg Man went to the panel on the wall and pressed a series of buttons. Launchpad's crystal egg restraining device activated. Launchpad's hands were pulled in back of him while his feet were placed together. The egg then moved it stabilizing discs into wheel formation. The egg wheeled the distraught sidekick to the door.
Lady C picked up her mind controlling device, Consbrainer 45 and spun around on her personal bench. She remarked, "Oh dear. I forgot to give back Mr. McQuack's voice." She pointed the device at Launchpad and instructed, "You can speak freely."
Launchpad instantly screamed out, "You can't get away with this!"
Lady C looked puzzled. "Well, I hate to correct you but I just did. Bye-bye, now." She decorously waved to Launchpad. The burly Egg Men escorted the bound wailing Launchpad out of the room towards his fiendish fate.
Lady C leaned down to Darkwing's ear and softly spoke, "I just had to give your sidekick his voice back. The screams during the processing can be so very delightful. It's just like music."
Darkwing was revolted by the sick twisted ways of this vicious vile vixen.
Lady C straightened up and stretched her body. She got off Darkwing's back and pointed her device at him. She declared, "Relax, you're coming with me."
Darkwing's body immediately flopped to the ground. He briefly rested on the ground before he got on his feet. He really needed to stretch his aching body; being a chair for so long wasn't easy. Darkwing thanked the heavens that Lady C didn't have Ammonia's girth. Darkwing tried to command his body to attack Lady C but instead he obediently walked to her side.
"Good," Lady C said.
The egg basket that was dormant next to them came to life. It took Darkwing's hat off of Lady C's head and placed it back on Darkwing. It once again adjusted Darkwing's hat to a rakish angle.
Darkwing was silent for so long as a chair, he was almost unsure of his voice. "Thanks."
The egg basket gave him an 'OK' sign with one of its hands.
Lady C waved the egg basket to go stay in a corner of the room. Lady C giggled, "Now that everything is in its place … Mr. Darkwing, are you ready to meet your maker?"
Darkwing growled, "NO!"
"Wonderful! Let's go!"
Lady Cleaver brought doomed mind slave Darkwing Duck to a large room. Within the brightly lit room was a grand exquisite sloped base. Elevated above the base was a large gleaming glass globe with an opening the size of the base below it. Lady C pointed the Consbrainer 45 at Darkwing and demanded, "Darkwing Duck, from now on you do as I command. Go to the middle of the base." Lady C put the mind control device in her pocket.
Darkwing acquiescently ambled to the middle of the base. Lady C then requested, "Get on your knees." To which Darkwing obeyed.
Lady C went to a display case against the wall and brought out a long sheathed sword. She walked over to Darkwing and instructed, "Put out your hands." Darkwing did so as instructed. She placed the sheathed sword in his hands and demanded, "Unsheathe the sword and raise it." Darkwing swiftly followed her demands.
Lady C strolled around Darkwing on the ornamental platform. She commented, "That sword you're holding is an authentic samurai sword of the Tsubasa Dynasty." She stopped in front of Darkwing. She lovingly stroked the flat sides of the polished blade with her gloves hands. She purred, "This sword is my gift to you. Ooh! It's beautiful; isn't it?" Darkwing quietly glared at her. She replied, "Not very appreciative; huh?" She let go of the sword and coyly waved her hand. "It doesn't matter. It's the thought that counts."
Darkwing wished that he had some control over himself; here he was given an excellent sword which he could use to escape but he was helpless to make a move with out Lady C's instructions.
Lady C asked, "Mr. Darkwing, do you know what hari-kari is?" Darkwing in utter dread mutely gaped at Lady C. She walked behind Darkwing and put her hand on his shoulder. With her other hand, she took his hat off, leaned in to his ear and whispered, "I can tell from the look in your eyes that you know exactly what it is." She carelessly placed Darkwing's hat back on his head.
Lady C then walked away from Darkwing and strolled around the perimeter of the ornamental platform. She stopped and studied him; she even put her hands up in a picture frame fashion. She carped, "Unacceptable!" She took out a transmitter and pressed a button. The egg basket from the interrogation room appeared from a panel in the wall. Lady C addressed the egg basket, "Tidy him up. I want Mr. Darkwing to look absolutely perfect." The egg basket rolled to Darkwing and began to neatly arrange his clothes.
Darkwing snarled, "Perfect for what? You odious ogress!!" The egg basket took out a small brush and dusted off Darkwing's clothes.
Lady C giggled, "Now that's the famous fiery temper I wanted to see. I'm so glad you decided to stop brooding." She went on, "'Tis the season to be shopping for holiday gifts. Well, I could spend sometime shopping at a mall looking to buy my FOWL friends a nice gift. But, you know what…."
"What?" Darkwing interjected. The egg basket put away the small brush and took out a toothbrush with some toothpaste. The basket then brushed Darkwing's teeth.
"I decided to give them something really special. And there's nothing more special than a personalized handcrafted gift." She pointed to Darkwing. "And you will help me to create such a gift."
Darkwing snorted, "Terrific!" The egg basket finished with brushing Darkwing's teeth had begun to lather up Darkwing's bill and took out a straight razor.
"It will be, for you see—above you is a large glass dome which when placed on the base that you're kneeing on, will form a grand snow globe."
"Uh, yeah…."
"When the snow globe is formed and sealed; liquid nitrogen will be sprayed from the base inside. Thereby freezing and preserving the contents inside. The contents being you and your sword."
"Of course," Darkwing answered. The egg basket finished with shaving had taken off Darkwing's hat and took out a pair of scissors.
"I bet you're wondering why I mentioned hari-kari early."
"Well, sort of."
"Oh goodie. Mr. Darkwing, this is what I have planned for your final moments. As the glass dome is slowly lowered to the base, you will slowly pierce your abdomen with the sword. When the glass is flush with the base and then locked tightly into place, you will then fully eviscerate yourself with the sword. At that moment the liquid nitrogen will spray into the globe creating a wondrous snow globe scene: The dishonor and destruction of Darkwing Duck. Catchy title, huh?"
Darkwing choked, "Lovely." The egg basket satisfied with Darkwing's trim, had put the scissors away and took out a comb, brush and some lotion.
"I'll dedicate this precious ornament to FOWL High Command; and also Steelbeak, because without him I wouldn't be here today."
"Is that so?" Darkwing replied. The egg basket finished preening Darkwing and put it supplies away. It replaced Darkwing's hat and adjusted the hat to a debonair angle. The egg basket gave the thumbs up gesture with one of its hands.
"Yup," Lady C tittered.
Darkwing grimaced; Lady Cleaver must be the lady Steelbeak alluded to during the PP crackdown. The egg basket with its task complete returned to its hidden panel in the wall.
Lady C gleefully clapped her hands. She walked over to a buttoned panel on the wall. She pressed a sequence of buttons and chimed, "Let's get started."
The glass dome above Darkwing began its slow descent. Darkwing turned the long sharp decorative samurai sword in his hands and placed the tip on his stomach.
Darkwing roared, "You're a terrifying termagant!!"
Lady C cooed, "I'm not sure what you called me but I bet it's not nice. So, sticks and stones.…"
"I'll survive this … somehow!"
"You're living in a fantasy world. It's truly over for you. Deal with it!"
