Hey guys, So I've been waiting for my house to be finished so I can move in, and I haven't really been able to write lately cause I've been too stressed over the house - I have so many WIPs now because of this. However, it just turned out that I was trying to write the wrong thing, cause apparently hurt/comfort and angst is what I needed to write, not smut and fluff, who knew XD
Anyway, as I've said before, I absolutely love Endverse, it's one of my fav episodes, and I just love the dynamics and writing them. A little while ago I saw a fanart of Cas smoking in bed covered in hickeys, which I adored, so I thought it would go well in this fic (link below). I didn't tag Dean/Endverse Castiel as a pairing cause they aren't really in this, though toward the end I think it could certainly lead into that.
I hope that you enjoy this, let me know if you do, much love xox

Link: at DOT tumblr DOT com/m-y-p-a-s-s-i-o-n-s/691255207069368320/rbzm8307onrx

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX


"What? I like past you," Castiel had stated it almost like a challenge, like he'd dared future Dean to say something.

The look that had crossed that Dean's face had said more about their relationship than his words ever would.

Dean knew a can of worms when he saw one, and there was a whole box full between the ex-angel and the hunter. He spent a few days just watching the two interact. The longer he observed, he began to see whatever they had going on between them, buried five hundred feet under layers of apocalyptic crap.

2014 Dean didn't seem to have much time for Dean however, busy with missions and keeping everyone alive, and whatever else he did. So Dean spent a lot of time with Castiel, learning about the past five years. In the short time he'd been in 2014 they'd grown close in a way that he'd never been with Cas before. They had the time to just have a few beers together and hang out like friends usually did, instead of going from one imminent danger to another like his life back in 2009.

That seemed to low-key piss off future Dean for some reason unbeknown to Dean. Cas held orgies, and future Dean had slept with most of the women in the camp; whatever they had between them, they clearly weren't exclusive. Dean didn't understand what his problem was, not that there was even anything happening between him and Cas - Dean was still too dumbfounded by the revelation that future him and Cas were a thing to do anything like that. He got the feeling that Castiel would jump at the chance though.

The tension appeared to build between the ex-angel and the 2014 version of Dean until the air was thick with it whenever they were in a room together. Of course one snide remark from future Dean was what had caused the dam to finally break. They'd had a yelling match in front of Dean and Chuck that had ended with Castiel storming out – Dean thought he'd seen tears spill down the ex-angel's cheeks as he'd strode past him to the door.

After a good couple minutes of angry pacing and muttering, 2014 Dean sighed in anguish before slamming his fist down on the table, "Fuck."

The next moment he was out the door, presumably following Castiel.

Dean looked to Chuck, but the ex-prophet just shrugged, "It's better not to get involved in their personal affairs," he told Dean, gazing back at the clipboard in his hands.

Dean frowned in response but didn't say anything, glancing back to the door instead. It seemed that the meeting was over, so he slowly wandered around the compound before going back to Castiel's cabin to check on him, just in case that wasn't where the other Dean had been headed. He knocked on the door, but there was no response, so Dean let himself in and glanced around.

"Cas?"

That was when he'd heard the noises coming from behind the closed door of Castiel's room. Dean couldn't quite make them out, so he crept closer and then regretted doing so.

"Ah, Dean, there! Again! Yes!" came Castiel's voice loud and clear, followed by a very obvious pleasured moan.

Dean felt too many things at once, most of which he didn't know what to do about, so he'd fled back out to the stairs outside of Castiel's cabin. He sat there, watching as his surroundings darkened and tried hard not to analyse why he'd felt heat in his groin, and a tug on his heart when he'd heard Cas call his name like that, like a prayer, like it was something to be awed and adored.

Eventually, well after the moon had risen in the sky, Castiel's door opened and 2014 Dean stepped out, pulling his jacket around him against the chill of the evening air. Then he noticed Dean propped up against the railing of the stairs, and he smirked. There was something wrong about it though, broken, and if it wasn't for the moonlight, Dean might not have seen the tremble in his lower lip that shattered the illusion of confidence.

"I get why he likes you," he looked away at the night sky. "You're not me yet, you haven't made my mistakes, you haven't hurt him over and over until it's all that's left between you both, and it's all you see in his baby blues," he finally looked back at Dean. "You want my advice? Don't do it."

"Don't do what?" Dean asked, trying to process the sudden admission.

"Don't become me. It's not worth it."

"Then why keep doing it?"

"It's too late now, I may as well see it through, but you don't have to," he sighed when Dean just blinked at him. "You'll understand when you see your Castiel again, and realise what that look in his eyes is."

Dean averted his gaze to the worn wood of the stairs, "You mean the one where he tilts his head slightly, and, ahem, smiles so brightly it makes his eyes crinkle in the corners?"

"Yeah," the other Dean responded softly, "that one."

"What does it mean, other than happy?"

"That's for you to figure out man, I gotta go," and with that he was down the stairs and disappeared into the darkness.

Dean frowned after him, not sure whether it was a helpful conversation or not. He'd dwell on it later, he still wanted to check on Cas, even though they seemed to have resolved their fight for now.

Inside, the bedroom door was ajar, so Dean knocked lightly on the cheap wood, "Cas?"

"Come in Dean," replied Castiel's gravelly voice.

Dean pushed the door open and was immediately hit in the face with smoke. He coughed and then caught sight of the ex-angel and almost stopped breathing altogether.

Castiel was laid out naked on the bed – except for the crumpled sheet covering up to his groin, dark curls of hair trailed up his stomach from under the sheet. He had one hand hidden under his head, while the other held a cigarette, or possibly a joint. His pale skin was covered in fresh hickeys, from neck to navel, and there was an unreadable expression on his face, almost like he was caught between two very different emotions.

When Dean didn't say anything, Cas opened his eyes and looked at the hunter. He visibly shivered, "Oh, I miss the way you used to look at me like that."

"Uh…" Dean wasn't sure what to say to that so he changed the topic, "I just wanted to check that you were okay…I mean, uh, I guess you guys sorted it out, but you seemed pretty upset, so…"

Castiel sighed and then took a long drag of his cigarette before speaking again, "It is what it is."

"Why do you let him do this to you?" Dean asked, still unable to take his eyes off of Castiel's naked form.

Cas, misunderstanding, looked down at himself and gave a small smile, "They stay longer than he does, and it feels good."

"I meant…he treats you like shit Cas," Dean clarified, feeling sadder after hearing that.

After another deep inhale, Cas shrugged, "He wasn't always like this, you are proof of that, but the last five years have been tough, and each year only got harder, and it chipped away at him, at us."

"And you still haven't…left him? Dude…" Dean was having trouble understanding their whole relationship, or whatever it was. Neither of them had really spoken about what it was between them.

"How could I?" he returned his gaze to Dean, and there were tears welling up in his eyes.

"Well, I guess it's hard when you can't actually leave but-"

"I love him," Castiel announced, voice threatening to break, "I love him now, just as much as when I first touched his soul in hell."

Oh. The surprise must have shown on Dean's face.

"Sorry, you most likely aren't ready to hear that, but you asked, and maybe it will change things for the better…surely can't make them worse," he muttered at the end before stubbing out the butt of his cigarette on the side of the bedframe.

His conversation with the other Dean from earlier suddenly made sense. It was love that filled Castiel's eyes when he looked at him. Many things clicked into place in Dean's mind at that moment. A multitude of conversations, touches, smiles, and repressed thoughts and feelings flashed through his mind, taking on new meaning. His face made a series of different expressions as each revelation surfaced in his mind, until Castiel seemed concerned.

"Shit, did I make it worse?"

"I-I think," Dean licked his lips anxiously, "I think that…maybe, um, look I dunno, I only just…I think I might, uh…" he paced back and forth, once, twice.

Castiel sat up, "It's okay Dean, take your time," he gently encouraged.

"I think…" he made a frustrated noise, stopped in front of Castiel, then closed his eyes for a few seconds, and when he reopened them he blurted out, "I think I might feel the same…" his mouth hung open in disbelief that he'd said it. He'd been repressing all of those more-than-friendly thoughts and feelings for a while, it was something he just assumed he'd never take a second look at, something he could never even fantasise about having.

Castiel smiled softly, "I know you do Dean, you told me with your eyes long before you said it aloud."

"Oh," he didn't know what to say to that.

"I know this is a lot for you, don't be afraid of it, of us, of what you feel."

"I don't want to become that Dean," he admitted quietly as he gestured out the door, "I don't want to hurt you."

Cas tilted his head slightly, his hands reached out for Dean's and loosely grasped them, "Then don't, you can make different choices. You have the advantage of foresight now."

Dean nodded, looking down at callused hands clutching his own. Castiel's hands felt warm and comfortable in his own, he expected them to feel foreign, but it was as if they had been made to slot together with his. Idly, he wondered if the same was true for the rest of their bodies, if their lips and hips would mould together perfectly, if their legs would tangle around the other's comfortably, and their chests would line up with the curve of the other's back. And for the first time, he let himself actually consider those things, let himself want them.

"I will," he told the ex-angel determinedly.

Castiel brought Dean's hands up to his mouth and laid feather light kisses to the knuckles.

The action constricted his chest and left Dean breathless as he watched in awe. When Castiel finished and drew his gaze back to Dean's face, whose expression hadn't changed.

"Would you stay with me tonight?"

A small amount of panic rose in Dean, but an honest voice brought the realisation that he actually wanted to stay with the ex-angel.

"Y-yeah, okay," he nodded.

"Thank you," Cas croaked. He let go of Dean's hands and shuffled to the far side of the bed, wrapping the sheet more around his lower half.

Dean removed his jacket and shoes, then tentatively crawled in next to Castiel, pulling the blanket up over them both.

"Could-could you hold me, if that's not too much to ask of you?" Cas requested after a minute of silence, clearly trying not to spook Dean.

"Uh…" he rolled to face Cas but was uncertain how to complete the action.

Cas rolled on his side too, facing away from Dean, but wriggled back so that his body slotted in against Dean's.

Their bodies fit together perfectly, Dean couldn't believe it. Instinctually, he wrapped an arm around Castiel's middle, and immediately warm fingers intertwined with his own. It felt incredible, and…something else, something he'd never felt lying next to anyone else, but didn't know how to describe it.

"Is this okay?" Castiel checked in a small voice, as if he were afraid of the answer.

"Mhm," Dean responded, suddenly distracted by the way he could smell the ex-angel so clearly. The smoke of his cigarette, the cooled sweat, the lingering tang of sex, and underneath it all was something familiar, a whiff of majestic power that had nothing to do with Castiel being an angel, and everything to do with who Castiel was. It was the smell he was used it on his own Cas.

Without thinking, Dean nuzzled into Castiel's neck, chasing the scent. He felt some of the tension leave Castiel's body as he exhaled, and then as if in a trance, he kissed Castiel's neck, only realising what he'd done when he heard a quiet sob from Cas.

He pulled away, uncertain about what he'd just done, but Castiel wouldn't let him go.

"No, Dean, it's okay. Please don't leave, please," Castiel pleaded, voice cracked with all of the hurt he'd suffered over the years.

"I won't," he promised, knowing he would promise Castiel anything if it would take his pain away. There was silence again as they settled, and then Dean asked, "How long has it been?"

"Since?"

"Since he last did this…"

A sigh, and then, "A long time, I can't remember anymore."

"Why not ask someone else?"

"It's not the same, I only love one soul, there is no substitute," Castiel confessed.

Dean chewed his lip for a few moments, "We can, uh, we can do this every night until I go back to 2009 if you want…" he offered.

Castiel drew Dean's arm in tighter against him, "Please."

Dean nodded against him, settling in further, "Okay. Goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight Dean Winchester," Cas replied, then added almost inaudibly, "I love you."