TRANSFORMERS: CYBERTRON SAGA
NOBLE DEMON Special #5: For Love and Justice.
byline: Anubis C. Soundwave

Scene: 1

Barricade refreshes his optics as Blackout, a Decepticon helicopter mech, enters his precinct office in Chicago.

"Your precinct's in Detroit. What the hell are you doing here-?" Barricade demands.

"Turn on the TV," says Blackout, mag-locking the door to Barricade's office. "Now."

Barricade obeys, rolling his optics as the opening title to Inspector Gadget plays. "I know someone's going to be mad that he missed this today," he scoffs.

"That will be the least of the kid's worries," says Blackout, changing the channel. "Open the secured channel to Deceptibase," he continues. "Chief wants to talk to you."

"About Gobot C-SPAN?" quips Barricade, noting the televised Gobot Senate session.

"Shit just got real, Barry," says Blackout. "J-Three and CNN's already got it on heavy rotation on the East Coast."

Barricade notes his lit commlink. "Whatever it is, it must be bad for the Autobots," he says. "Prowl's blowing up my secured line, so I can't get in touch with Chief until I answer him."

"Fuck; you'll have to change the frequency again, man," groans Blackout.

"Yeah; Prowl, Streetwise, and Groove have always been aft-ports like that," says Barricade as he responds to the hail. "What the fuck do you want, Prowl!?" he spits into the commlink.

"Don't talk to me like that, cousin!" counters Smokescreen hotly.

"How'd you get this line!?" demands Barricade, seething.

"I'm on this line because I hack Prowl's scrap regularly," says Smokescreen. "For the record, I'm trying to give you a heads-up: Prowl's not in a chatty mood. Bye, cuz." Smokescreen ends the transmission.

"...in order to preserve the peace for Gobotron, and indeed for the universe," continues Senator Karakawa on the TV, "we must act on Earth's behalf; that troubled and divided world is as a child: new to the tumult of the galaxies, it doesn't know its own best interests."

"Earth's about to be fragged in the aft, isn't it?" asks Barricade quizzically.

"Yep," says Blackout. "Did you radio your old chief Yasuragi yet?"

"I don't want to talk to him, or to Prowl, or even to fraggin' Jigsaw," spits Barricade. "Or to the Chief, for that matter."

"...I urge you, my esteemed colleagues, to put this matter to a vote," says Senator Karakawa. "Let us usher in a new era of tranquility by ending our striving with Cybertron. A formal alliance with the Cybertron Empire will allow us to breathe easier..."

"There are going to be riots," says Barricade, "and I have no interest in putting down any fucking riots today."

"Open this fuckin' door now, Barricade!" bellows a loud chorus of voices.

"Especially not riots from damned cops," continues Barricade. "I think I heard the commissioner's voice in that cacophony."

"Back door, dude?" asks Blackout.

Barricade nods, already opening the back door: only to meet Prowl.

"How many speeding laws did you violate to get here so fast?" asks Barricade, returning to his desk.

"Multiple, across six state lines," states Prowl as he enters Barricade's office. "I need reassurances, Barricade."

"Of what?" balks Barricade.

"That the faction you sympathize with hasn't exerted undue influence over Senator Karakawa of Gobotron," says Prowl.

"I wouldn't put it past them," says Barricade evenly, contacting Deceptibase with his onboard commlink.

"Why aren't you using the secure commlink?" asks Prowl.

"Your Special Ops boys have likely already tapped the line," says Barricade, "and I'm disgusted at your lack of trust in me."

"I trust you, Barricade," says Prowl. "I just don't trust Megatron."

"You're a smart mech," says Barricade, scowling. "Is this Soundwave?" he says into the commlink, patching it wirelessly to the speaker.

"Affirmative," states Soundwave.

"It sounds like he's in the area," says Prowl.

"Location: Barricade's office," continues Soundwave; he transforms.

"Both of you are full of scrap, you know that?" spits Barricade.

Blackout degausses his vocoder. "Soundwave: please advise Prowl that we haven't even touched Senator Karakawa," he says.

Soundwave nods. "Per Autobot Intelligence records regarding confiscated operations logs," he states, "no plans to that effect were ever devised."

Prowl studies Soundwave.

Soundwave presses PLAY.

"...looks to me like Soundwave ruled out kidnapping Karakawa's daughter," says Smokescreen on Soundwave's recording.

"The man's reporting style is almost as dry as Slingshot's," adds Jazz. "'Inform Megatron that cognitive modification of Gobot subject Karakawa Jigoro inadvisable'."

"Addendum: tactic unnecessary," says Soundwave. "Karakawa speaks of own volition."

Prowl gazes at Soundwave, his expression neutral. "What are Karakawa's motives?" he asks Soundwave.

Soundwave's optic band glows briefly, then he responds by pressing his PLAY button again.

"The Autobots must be removed from Earth if there is to be any chance of securing peace for the galaxy," says Senator Karakawa on the recording. "I must have peace for Sakura, and the people of Gobotron. The Beta Cygnus II Pact is not the ideal solution that it once was," he continues, "and is placing undue stress onto the mamoributai due to Gobotron's active alliance with Earth, owing to their troubles with the Renegades.

I will make the recalcitrant elements in the Senate and the Governor-general see, he adds, that a formal alliance between Gobotron and Cybertron-with the same considerations that we provide Earth-is the only solution to the problems on Earth."

Prowl grins. "Thank you, Soundwave," he says.

Shaking his head, Soundwave leaves through the back door.

"I hate it when you smile," says Barricade.

"You do realize that such an alliance is untenable: for the Autobots, Earth, and Gobotron," says Prowl as he drops his smile.

"Megatron would be doing backflips in Deceptibase if the Gobot Senate ratifies it," says Barricade.


Scene: 2

"...and in conclusion," says Zeemon, "it is imprudent to enter into an alliance with Cybertron at present. Only after the conditions which I have outlined are met can we even begin to consider such a pact. As a responsible governing body," he continues, "we must exercise grave caution with our words and actions, and avoid giving false encouragement to malicious parties." Zeemon sits back down.

Senator Karakawa touches his chin. "Your words have merit," he says, "and as always, are carefully-chosen and measured."

Zeemon nods to Senator Karakawa.

"The floor returns once again to Senator Nanatsuro," continues Senator Karakawa.

Nanatsuro is silent, his expression neutral.

"All of the other senators, your esteemed colleagues, have spoken," says Senator Karakawa, studying Nanatsuro.

Nanatsuro smiles gently, rising to his feet. "Precisely," he says after a moment of silence. "Everyone else has already stated what I would say in response to your proposal, and as you know," he continues, "I deplore redundancy in speech. I shall now take my leave." Bowing, Nanatsuro leaves his podium and exits the Senate chamber.

Crossword starts to speak.

Crasher places a hand over Crossword's mouth. "I know," she whispers. "I was looking forward to hearing one of his legendary sermons today," she adds as she releases Crossword's mouth.

"I guess there are only so many ways that Turbo's grandpa can say 'rescind the Beta Cygnus II Pact'," he quips while mocking Nanatsuro's vocal cadences, "'so we can join the Autobots and beat up Megatron'."

"That would be the standard litany of all Guardians-current and former," says Crasher. "You'd think the ex-Guardians in our group would have more sympathy for the Decepticons-considering they were just insurrectionists who made good."

"Megatron's a loser," snorts Crossword.

"And he wants to subjugate the entire universe," adds Jigsaw. "That's theft on the grandest scale possible."

"If that's the case," says Crasher, "then what Karakawa threw out there will essentially force the Guardians to help Megatron mug Gobotron's other ally."


Scene: 3

"Cy-Kill," says Fitor, studying his long-time comrade as the cycle mech massages his temples.

"No," says Cy-Kill quietly.

"I didn't even start speaking," spits Fitor.

"My friend," continues Cy-Kill. "Do not be an imbecile. I need you to not do anything idiotic."

"You don't know what my proposal is, Ichiro!" counters Fitor.

Cy-Kill's optics widen at the sound of his given name. "Daiza-kun, you're a jetwarrior. I know precisely what your proposal is," he says. "You want to posit to those idiots in the Senate to use us and Zero's group as irregular legionnaires to supplement the Guardians' pathetic troop strength. And," Cy-Kill continues with a broad smile, "while Zeemon and Senator Nanatsuro-the only senators with functioning braincases-would gladly agree to your simple, logical, and straightforward proposal, they are in the minority. The majority is governed by that fool: Head Senator Karakawa Jigoro of District Twenty-Five."

"I'm surprised that you don't think Leader One, our planet's Governor-general, would be the primary obstacle," says Fitor wryly.

"Hardly," snorts Cy-Kill. "He would simply commandeer the Renegades from me again."

"At least this time you wouldn't do anything ego-driven to undermine us," says Fitor in kind.

"Shut up," pouts Cy-Kill.

"Surely you realize that with our experience and numbers, Gobotron would be ably defended from Megatron," says Fitor.

"Yes," says Cy-Kill, "and we must steer Karakawa to that conclusion slowly."

Fitor laughs. "Karakawa wants to effectively turn Earth over to the Decepticons," he snorts.

"Like you, my friend, he's a jet mecha," says Cy-Kill. "Karakawa seeks the quickest route to peace. Neither of you could function without a straightforward flight plan," he continues, "nor do you comprehend travelling off the beaten path."

"The quickest route to peace is a decisive blow against the Decepticons, where Megatron dies and the others in the command element scatter," says Fitor.

"The problem you fail to comprehend," says Cy-Kill, "is that Soundwave is in Megatron's army; travelling off the beaten path is his specialty. He will not allow us to land that decisive blow of yours."

"So I need to think like you," says Fitor, "where every plan you concoct creates a path which leads to a victory."

"And each small victory is a step towards the ultimate prize," says Cy-Kill. "All paths must lead to a victory, or you have failed as a strategist."

"Your methods are slow, Cy-Kill," sighs Fitor. "We cannot trust that all hares are arrogant."

"Indeed: that would itself be arrogant," says Cy-Kill, "to presume that your opponent is as arrogant as he appears. Let's consider Bugs Bunny's take on that fable, where he laid aside his arrogance to gain victory over Cecil the Tortoise."

Fitor stares at Cy-Kill, confused as he attempts to recall the Earth cartoon short.

"Tell me," continues Cy-Kill. "Did Bugs win the race?"

"Yes!" spits Fitor. "Bugs beat the damned tortoise handily! I can't believe we're discussing Earthian children's entertainment!"

"And what did Bugs' victory cost him?" says Cy-Kill, grinning.

"He was arrested for speeding," says Fitor quizzically.

"Then I cannot call that victory for Bugs," says Cy-Kill. "Consider your proposal in that light, Daizaburo," he continues, "and you will begin to understand."

"Cecil was not arrogant enough to presume," says Fitor after a moment, "that Bugs would remain arrogant."

"And Cecil prepared accordingly," says Cy-Kill, "so that no matter the outcome of the race, he would remain the victor."

"Cy-Kill?" says Fitor, a bland expression on his face.

"Yes?" asks Cy-Kill.

"You're despicable," smirks Fitor.

Cy-Kill returns the smirk. "Ain't I a stinker?" he quips in kind.

"I've begun to see how you manage to break brainstormers, old friend," snickers Fitor as he leaves.

Cy-Kill chuckles.


Scene: 4

Karakawa pulls out her file on Leader One, studying her notes about Leader One's friendships.

"Matthew Alan Hunter, Sergeant Major, US Air Force..." says Karakawa aloud as she skims the largest entry about Matt. The Governor-general's closest private attachments are all...work-related, she muses silently. No wonder he and Dad don't get along. How can they find common ground when all Leader One can grok is military code?

Leader One enters Karakawa's office, his expression serious as he approaches the couch and sits.

Karakawa hides her grin behind the folder as she shuts it. "Excellent," she says. "You're on time today," she continues, "so let's get right down to business..."

Leader One stands, walks over to Karakawa, then touches her lips with his index finger. "Karakawa-san," he says quietly. "I don't want to address that issue right now."

Karakawa nudges Leader One's hand away, confused as she remains silent.

"I will confront the issue with you today," Leader One continues, "but not...now."

Karakawa touches her chin.

"I'm aware that the issue regarding your father's speech on the Senate floor is at the forefront of my mind," says Leader One, serious and tense, "and I can guess that you want to help me work through my emotions related to that."

"You're correct, sir," says Karakawa.

"But...not now. Ask me about something else. Anything else," says Leader One as he returns to the couch.

"Anything...?" asks Karakawa.

"Anything. Else," says Leader One, a determined expression on his face.

"You're definitely not here to tool with me today, I take it, Governor-general," says Karakawa.

"You're right, Karakawa-san," says Leader One soberly.

"Then..." says Karakawa, turning to the first page in her file. "On our first day together," she asks, "I finally found a way to get a reaction out of you other than a stream of bland banality. What were your thoughts at the time?"

"That I didn't want anyone touching me without my consent," says Leader One, squaring his shoulders.

"My intent was benign," says Karakawa.

"Irrelevant," states Leader One curtly.

"So this is related to your obsession with control," says Karakawa calmly.

Leader One nods.

"Especially in regards to unwanted physical contact with someone perceived as your antagonist," says Karakawa, taking out her redacted copies of various after-action reports from Leader One.

"You wouldn't think so to look at me," says Leader One blandly, "but I'm a victim of sexual assault."

"Cy-Kill...?" wonders Karakawa.

"No," snorts Leader One. "This happened after his defection."

"I take it that none of the Renegades tried to force themselves on you...until the Puzzler Incident," says Karakawa.

"Not sexually, no," says Leader One. "Any tangential issues related to the immobilizer chip notwithstanding, or Cy-Kill's attempt to brainwash me in GB-01," he continues, "the Renegades' efforts were devoted to killing me in the course of achieving their objectives."

"I see," says Karakawa, shutting her folder. "Crasher...?"

"Complicated," says Leader One.

Karakawa studies Leader One.

"The bulk of any sexual aggression was directed towards her, from me," continues Leader One, "including the Puzzler Incident."

Karakawa nods. "In that instance, that was you attempting to reassert control of the situation...in spite of being tied to a chair," she says.

"Yeah..." says Leader One. "And, of course, your office's group game of Truth or Dare put me straight in the hot seat for a Guardian Intelligence inquiry. It's pure hell to endure interrogatories from the Director."

"Don't you outrank the Director?" asks Karakawa.

"No one is above the law," says Leader One, "and I chose the Director because he takes that seriously."

"This would be related to your fundamental belief in rule of law," says Karakawa. "The Director shares your beliefs and just wanted to make sure that your actions were just a moral lapse and not a change in character."

"Precisely," says Leader One.

"Does the Director receive counseling?" asks Karakawa.

"I'm not going to answer that," says Leader One.


Scene: 5

"Jet mecha are impulsive idiots, don't you think?" asks Turbo.

"That's highly prejudicial," says Mitarai, writing notes on a datapad.

"It's true!" bellows Turbo.

"You have issues with prejudice that need to be resolved," counters Mitarai.

"That's also true," says Turbo, annoyed, "but you asked me to vent, so I'm gonna vent."

"You're not just thinking about Senator Karakawa's proposal," says Mitarai.

"While Megatron is dancing with glee at Karakawa's preemptive declaration of surrender, that was mercifully set aside," snorts Turbo. "Aren't you worried," he continues, scowling, "that Leader One lied on an after-action report?"

"I imagine that lies come with the job description in the military," says Mitarai.

"Sure," says Turbo glibly. "We lie to our enemies. We lie to the public at-large. We even lie to each other, and to our friends and families. What we don't do is lie on after-action reports."

Mitarai blinks.

"If for no other reason than this," Turbo continues. "We have to have an actual set of facts in order to keep our lies straight."

"I guess that makes sense," says Mitarai. "How often do you lie to yourself?" he asks.

Turbo opens his mouth to answer, then stops himself, scowling at Mitarai. "You're not nailing me with that again," he says, glowering.

"With what?" asks Mitarai.

"Another Rorschach Blot trap," spits Turbo.

"While it's true that I did try to trick you this time," says Mitarai, "I honestly did get Peabo's drawing of you mixed up with the blots."

"I know," says Turbo, calm.

"Then why wouldn't you answer me when I asked you why you called yourself a monster?" demands Mitarai, exasperated.

Turbo shuts his optics a moment, then slowly opens them. "Mitarai-san," he asks, "would you like to tell me about your day?"

Mitarai glares at Turbo. "That's not relevant," he says stiffly.

Turbo claps his hands. "Remember when I told you that we were given the same training in psychology that you guys learned?" he asks with a grin.

"That was the same day I tried the Rorschach test on you," says Mitarai, staring at Turbo.

"Okay," says Turbo. "One thing we learned is cognitive behavioral modification. It's actually pretty scary," he continues, "the things we can do with it."

Mitarai sighs. "What can you do with it?" he asks, irritated.

"The effect is cumulative," says Turbo. "A successfully-modified mech or femme could be persuaded by the controller to walk up to Megatron and blow out his braincase-which would definitely solve the Decepticon issue."

"What...did a Guardian actually suggest that?" balks Mitarai.

"Yep," says Turbo. "I was at a Guardian Intelligence meeting, and while the details are classified, as liaison, I can safely tell you the basics."

Mitarai touches his chin.

"A couple of Intelligence guys were reviewing folders of various Gobot civilians, and they proposed using cognitive behavioral modification techniques on a given civilian," says Turbo, "to turn that person into our unwitting assassin."

"How...?" asks Mitarai. "Brainwashing?"

"Nah," says Turbo. "It's far more insidious than that. No chips, no devices, not even torture or drugs: nothing but observation and study of the subject. The ideal candidate," he adds, "is someone who's emotionally-labile and easy to agitate. The controller approaches this person on some pretext and makes the person's acquaintance. The controller goads and baits the subject, preying on the person's emotional triggers, until the subject cracks."

"How would this subject be able to walk up to Megatron and shoot him at point-blank range?" asks Mitarai, skeptical.

"Megatron would already be in the area," says Turbo. "The subject would also be someone who wouldn't draw Megatron's suspicion-or register as a threat."

"Okay...but what if Soundwave was able to read the subject's brain waves?" asks Mitarai.

"That's the devious part," says Turbo, smirking. "There's no intent to kill Megatron on the subject's mind-not even in the subconscious. It's all mnemonic; the controller," he continues, "plants trigger words or phrases during the course of his or her contact with the subject. When it's time to kill Megatron, the controller just has to verbally 'pull' the trigger, and the subject then goes about his or her day, happens to pass Megatron, and shoots Megatron dead before he or his troops can react-and that includes Soundwave."

Mitarai pinches the bridge of his nose. "Those Intelligence operatives..." he says slowly after a moment.

"Eh?" says Turbo.

"...watch too many bad movies," snorts Mitarai, chuckling. "I think I'll just take a break, Turbo." Grinning, Mitarai leaves Turbo alone in the office.

Turbo pulls a file out of subspace, opening it. "I wish..." he mutters, staring dully at the contents of the file.


Scene: 6

"You should let Dewey play the game," says Optimus, noting Turbo playing Super Mario Brothers 3 while Dewey fumes in his bean bag chair.

Turbo pauses his game. "Who let you in?" he sneers.

"My granddad did," says Dewey, "because Optimus Prime is not a terrorist-I don't care what Skywarp says on the news."

"That's only because Earth isn't his enemy," grins Turbo. "Or mine, for that matter: our official policy regarding the Cybertronian Civil War is neutrality."

Dewey blinks at Turbo.

"We're like Switzerland," Turbo continues.

"Cy-Kill admires that sector's banking security," says Optimus.

"Dewey: do you really want to hear Optimus drone on about intergalactic politics and financial markets?" Turbo asks.

"No," says Dewey, "but I do want to play my game."

"I'd bet that you have homework you haven't finished yet," quips Turbo.

Dewey opens his book bag, noting his homework folder. "Dang. I know you tampered with my books somehow," he says, "because I know I did my homework."

"Remember," says Turbo glibly, "it's not what you know, it's what you can prove."

Dewey slings his book bag over his shoulder, then leaves his room, muttering about having to re-do his homework.

Optimus shakes his head, then studies Turbo. "That was a dirty trick," he says.

"'Fight dirty, but keep it clean'," muses Turbo as he resumes his game. "That's the Guardian ground rule."

"Are you aware that there's a two-player mode in the game?" asks Optimus.

"Yeah," says Turbo, "and I've taken the player two slot. It ends up being a palette swap of the player one slot as I end up playing through most of the game with either Mario or Luigi-hey!"

Optimus chuckles as the NES reboots.

"Are you aware that the game has no save function?" scowls Turbo, trying to remain calm. "You have to play it all in one shot."

"Then let's play together," says Optimus, picking up the second controller.

Turbo stares at Optimus. "This...is wrong somehow," he says as he starts the two-player mode.

"Certainly a lesser sin than deleting a child's homework," scoffs Optimus.

Turbo pouts. "Shut up," he says. He and Optimus play.

About an hour later, Dewey reenters his room; he notes Luigi navigating an airship level with a P-Wing.

"Turbo, you're not playing both sticks!" fumes Dewey.

"I'm not playing at all," frowns Turbo, making a face at Optimus. "I'm out of lives."

Excited, Dewey approaches Optimus. "Did you use the warp whistle?" he asks.

"No," says Optimus. "I just played through each level in order."

"He found them all," says Turbo, "but he wanted to play through the whole thing."

Twenty minutes later, Optimus navigates Luigi-wearing a white-and-black outfit-through a castle; he quickly approaches a large red door and enters it.

"He reached Bowser!" screams Dewey. "Optimus Prime reached Bowser!"

"He's going to lose that Hammer Suit, though," says Turbo. "It's too good."

As soon as Bowser appears and lands on the brick battlefield, Luigi quickly fires a volley of hammers at Bowser, defeating the final boss and ending the game.

"You have to admit," says Optimus, admiring the game credits, "that it's a different solution."

"Yeah; we really were supposed to talk about boring political scrap," says Turbo, "but Optimus decided he wanted to reset my game."

Dewey grins. "Serves you right," he says.

"I don't see why the two are mutually-exclusive," says Optimus, a meaningful expression in his optics.

Turbo stands. "It's too bad that you can't reset real life," he says.

"True," says Optimus, also standing, "but you can let a second player join in every once in a while: to see what happens when you travel off the beaten path."

Turbo brandishes a fist. "I'll beat you a path, all right," he says, mirth in his optics. "You and me, outside: mono-a-mono!"

"You'll lose, but alright," says Optimus. He exits Dewey's room, followed by Turbo.

Dewey sighs, happy. "Optimus Prime...beat my game," he says.


Scene: 7

An hour later.

"In a sense," says Optimus, "this crisis is actually good; your government-however misguided it may be-is proactively seeking a solution in keeping with your people's will."

"In keeping us from being able to do our jobs-again," says Turbo dourly.

"The Head Senator is addressing your concerns regarding enforcement of the non-aggression pact," says Optimus, "and if Cybertron weren't under Megatron's control, it would indeed be the best solution for everyone involved."

"So...kill Megatron and get Starscream installed," quips Turbo.

"No; Skywarp. That way," says Optimus, "I'd know that our War would actually end, along with the intergalactic conquest. Skywarp's smart enough to recognize his limitations, and he'd want to focus on actually rebuilding our homeworld."

"We need to work within the realm of the possible," says Turbo, "and deal with the cosmos that exists."

"Your people have already acknowledged that the present conditions within the cosmos are unsustainable," says Optimus. "Right now: if I'm to do my job and lead the Autobots," he continues, "I need Cy-Kill's genius-level intellect to be devoted to peaceful means to ease his boredom, and I need the conditional amnesty to remain in place: so that the irregular legionnaire option with the former Renegades remains on the table for you."

"It was never on the table," says Turbo. "That was nixed immediately by the Senate. They don't want us to increase troop levels at all-not even through any backdoor means."

"As an organization," counters Optimus, "you Guardians have distrusted your own protectorate for so long that your people are reluctant to trust you."

Turbo sighs. "Can't blame them, I guess," he shrugs. "If we're being honest."

"You have to trust them first," says Optimus, "and that would include the former Renegades. Have a diplomatic monitor: someone to observe and report our actions."

Turbo grins crudely. "You'd like about four of them," he says, "stationed right inside the Ark with you and your pit crew. And I've already told you that you can only have the one pick I gave you before."

Optimus sighs. "Frankly, I can't keep up with Cy-Kill: and I'm not an idiot. None of my officers can keep up with him either; my second isn't an intuitive thinker," Optimus continues, "and my CMO doesn't have the patience to endure his bizarre front."

"Planning to go over my head to Leader One?" asks Turbo, pulling out a data recorder.

"If I must," says Optimus. "I can commisserate with him over the common aggravation of being grilled by hypocritical subordinates regarding blatant falsehoods," he adds.

"Don't bother," says Turbo, smiling as he presses a button.

"We need Cy-Kill busy," says Leader One in the recording. "If he's with the Autobots, he will be unable to make any moves to restart Bike Hero... You're damned right; it is what I'd do if I were in his situation... You know that Cy-Kill and I operate under the same rubric: comes from growing up together in the house of a serving Guardian: who was also Governor-general..."

"I'm sure you're aware," says Turbo as he pauses the recording, "of the origin of that 'rubric'."

"And it's obvious that you and the Guardian Intelligence chief would prefer Bike Hero's resurgence," says Optimus.

"It's closer to the irregular legionnaire idea," says Turbo. "Yeah: I admit it. It's really better, since we're being honest."

"As it gives the Guardians plausible deniability; if you have to liquidate the Renegades and cut your losses," says Optimus, "then you're doing your duty either way: as they would violate the amnesty."

"What is your problem with it?" wonders Turbo.

"According to intelligence on the Renegades that one of my mechs obtained," says Optimus, "there are some within the Renegades who would be sympathetic to the Decepticons. According to Cy-Kill himself," he continues, "the majority of the Guardians resent their own civilians-which confirmed my gravest concerns after Hot Spot's assessment."

Turbo blinks at Optimus.

"You're aware of my flight capacitor," continues Optimus, "and how I obtained it. It is laughably easy to get into a Decepticon mindset," he adds ruefully, "so if I were Megatron-or Soundwave, since he's the type of individual who would plot schemes quietly-and Bike Hero showed any possibility of reemerging, I would set it up so that Decepticon sympathizers infiltrate that group's ranks."

"Impossible," says Turbo.

"Prove it," says Optimus.

Turbo folds his arms.


Scene: 8

"If Taiko or Tonka were still alive-*" begins Optimus.

"We wouldn't be having this conversation; Leader One would be dead or in chains, Earth would be preemptively subjugated, and Gobotron would not be a nice place to live," says Turbo. "On the bright side, though," he continues, "your stupid planet would be obliterated."

"They'd have to get past Kusanagi," says Optimus, "before it ever reached that point. If your counterpart in Guardian Intelligence had somehow failed in carrying out Leader One's order of sanction," he continues, "then he would have done it himself."

"Senator Nanatsuro...would be out of bounds," scowls Turbo.

"He served under a mech who told very deranged bedtime stories to his grandson," says Optimus, "then published them under an assumed name."

"Mom hated those books, and figured out who the author was by the second sentence," grins Turbo. "Dad loved them, though."

"She likely preferred them to Mirai Heitai no Seigi for your escapism needs," muses Optimus.

"I don't know what to think about Mom," says Turbo. "Or Dad. Or any of my previous clan heads."

"I have my execrable co-creator merged within the Matrix of Leadership along with my apparent prime creator-the one who was supposed to be Prime, versus he who was 'created' to be thus," says Optimus, "and I still don't know what to think about either of them."

"I'd say that you're the only key to understanding Nova and Artemis that you've got," says Turbo.

"Thus you've answered your own question," says Optimus, "about understanding your parents-and those who have served under them."

"That's part of my job," grins Turbo. "I'm my unit's psychologist."

"And yet you need treatment yourself," says Optimus, "thus the people-through that poor magistrate that I hope is still alive: as you and your cohorts likely damn her every day-have decided that you can't treat yourself with an objective optic."

"Unfortunately, they foisted us on a pack of innocent civilians," scoffs Turbo, "rather than letting Rest-Q do his job-as he's also trained as a psychologist."

"You and Leader One would have blown him off," counters Optimus, "and your people understand you as protectors," he continues, "a great deal better than you think."

Turbo snorts. "Incidentally," he says, "of course she's still alive. Hell, she had fined Tux fifty times the amount of the 'thank-you' cash he tried to bribe her with...which is thankfully paying for our treatment. Our public servants are very serious about their jobs."

"I think Gobots in general are very serious about what they perceive to be their duty," says Optimus, "even with outfits like the Renegades."

Turbo squares his shoulders.


Scene: 9

"When you strip Skywarp's veneer down," continues Optimus, "you'll find a duty-bound soldier who knows how to recruit, and win others to his side. I will not underestimate him."

"Hey," scoffs Turbo. "You guard your own from Skywarp and Soundwave's seductive charms," he continues, "and let me worry about my guys."

"The only thing saving your unit from being harvested by the Decepticons to max out their troop levels," counters Optimus, "is the tireless bravery of people like Dewey Newcastle."

Turbo laughs.

"We both know it's the truth," chuckles Optimus.

"Even with him being dead wrong about you not being a terrorist," quips Turbo, "I'll concede that. The Decepticons cannot stand Earthians."

"I suspect it's more of a love-hate matter myself," says Optimus. "Subjugating the people of Earth is a matter of personal pride to the Decepticons now."

"You'd think that they'd just cut their losses and leave Earth in peace," says Matt, approaching the pair of mecha, "but we all know they're going to come back."

"And when you can prove to me that you won't kill yourselves with our technology," says Optimus to Matt, "we can have that discussion."

Matt snaps his fingers. "It was worth a shot," he sighs. "This isn't over," he adds, pointing a finger at Optimus.

"He sticks to his guns, Matt," says Turbo.

"That's why we look up to him," says Matt, "whether he's right or wrong." He enters UNECOM.

"Earthians scare me sometimes," says Turbo.

"Indeed," says Optimus. "I remember when I tried to convince Spike and Sparkplug to stay out of our fight. It was just under five years ago. His rationale about knowing his planet's layout was rather weak," he continues, "and I had Ratchet inject bio-nanites into his body when I found out that Thundercracker punched him."

"What!?" balks Turbo. "No wonder Flashpoint was so determined to pull off his plan. Sparkplug should have been bloody goo on Thundercracker's fist."

"It does cause those of us in the Ark to suspend our disbelief in Sparkplug's god, anyway," says Optimus. "I know he's tried to hail the deity, and he was crying. Worried about Spike, Buster, Chip, and Carly-and even about Senator Karakawa and his daughter."

Turbo sighs. "It's easy to envy the Earthians their imagination at times," he says.

"Not imagination," says Optimus soberly. "Faith. That is the Earthians' terrible power."

"It's crazy, really," grins Turbo. "If you have faith the size of a grain of mustard seed, Optimus," he adds, "then you should be able to order Mount Everest to move."

"And I'm sure that Everest would move just to keep Earthians from climbing it to prove a point," says Optimus.

"That ain't something I doubt," says Turbo.

Optimus stretches, then transforms. Turbo follows suit; the two drive off leaving the UNECOM complex.


Scene: 10

Optimus and Turbo continue their drive to Oregon, approaching their destination: Autobot Headquarters.

"Did you read Jameson's latest editorial column?" asks Turbo.

Optimus nods. "It seemed rather short," he says.

"He ain't happy about Senator Karakawa's proposal," says Turbo. "It's just that those were all the words he could use that were fit to print in the Bugle...or in any paper."

"What about Burning?" asks Optimus.

"The entire damned newsreader's been a long-form, multi-authored editorial screed railing against the Head Senator for the past two weeks," groans Turbo. "Hiroshi's torqued; he's usually a lot fairer than this."

Optimus recalls his neuro-archive of Burning. "Senator Nanatsuro's not saying anything," he says.

"I know. He's on Cybertron, and hopefully, he's just venting to his old Second War buddies," says Turbo.

"I'll make sure he stands down," says Optimus. "We need Kusanagi alive and in our corner at the Senate."

"Okay. Just do me a favor," says Turbo.

Optimus studies Turbo.

"Just...leave Fitor alone for the next month," says Turbo. "With the media scrap-storm the Head Senator's dealing with from across the galaxy, I think Leader One can twist his arm to table his proposal."

"I'm not so sure of that," says Optimus. "Once you're elected Head Senator, you have the job for life-unless there are enough no confidence votes for impeachment hearings."

"They aren't there," snorts Turbo, "and his record's clean. His daughter has a longer rap sheet than he does."

"That's because you and Leader One were being jerks to her entire office," says Optimus.

"If it were up to me," says Turbo, "I would have thrown the book at the lot of them-Houshin included."

"They're just doing their jobs," says Optimus. "They can't treat you like normal clients because you aren't normal; you don't struggle with ordinary stressors."

"One of those psychologists is the biggest stressor of them all," says Turbo. "So don't touch her. And stay the hell away from Fitor."

"I'm trying to recruit him," says Optimus.

"One month," says Turbo. "Give us a month."

"We don't have a week," counters Optimus.

"Then take on Cy-Kill," says Turbo.

"He's a living neuro-trauma inducer," counters Optimus.

"You want us to be flexible," spits Turbo, "then we need the same from you. Tell your medic to prescribe himself some pain dampeners and deal with it."

"What about Prowl?" asks Optimus.

"His logic will dictate that he needs to suck it up," says Turbo.

"You know that we're not taking him on," says Optimus, "unless..."

Turbo slows as he and Optimus approach the Ark.

Optimus brakes, then transforms; Turbo does likewise.

Optimus approaches the door.

"Unless what, Optimus?" asks Turbo.

"You'll need to give me a more compelling reason to bring Cy-Kill onboard with us," says Optimus, "because without that, I know that the Autobots will need Fitor more than ever." He enters the Ark.

Turbo glares at the ground a moment, then takes off into the sky.


Scene: 11

"Please," says Optimus, staring at Silverbolt. "Tell me how you did it. How did you convince Skyfire to come back to us?"

"I've stated all of this on my after-action report, sir," says Silverbolt evenly.

"I have read your after-action report," says Optimus. "It's a lie. We both know it's a lie."

"Fair enough..." says Silverbolt. "I refuse to provide irrelevant details, considering that you're clearly attempting to recruit Fitor as part of a larger effort to get the Renegades in with us."

"Don't tell me any more scrap about 'faction suicide'; I don't want to hear it," says Optimus. "Even without the other Renegades, I need Fitor in this outfit."

"He'd leave one set of crazy frags for another set of even crazier ones," counters Silverbolt, "on a ship wedged in a volcano versus the ship floating freely in space, and crammed into a tight space with Skyfire if he's lucky. Otherwise," he continues, "Fitor would be stuck with the five of us deranged fucks: all trying to cope with the fact that our quarters is the only safe haven from the cramped orange hell that is Autobot Headquarters."

"Are you advocating for Air Raid again?" asks Optimus.

"He's right. The Protectobots had their own forward base when they came here," says Silverbolt.

Optimus folds his arms.

"Look, you chose me to lead because I'm not an idiot, sir: I'm not proposing that you foist Air Raid and Fireflight onto a population center like New York," says Silverbolt. "We just need an air strip, a hangar, and a place to refuel."

"And if I send the seven of you to your own base, then the Decepticons will hammer the place and wipe out the entire Autobot Air Unit in one attack," says Optimus. "We only have two medics, and one of them is a Protectobot."

"Train one of us to be the team medic," says Silverbolt. "Hell, that's pretty much Skyfire's ad hoc job already-he's a master of evac. Between him and Slingshot's field repair skills, we can stay in one piece. Also," he continues, "if Slingshot has the responsibility involved in being a medic, he won't tear himself apart in combat trying to prove himself."

"That's sound reasoning as always, but this will also require resources we don't have," says Optimus.

"If you plan to court Fitor to our group, he's going to demand an air base-if he's remotely like Leader One," says Silverbolt with a lopsided grin.

"They were friends as Guardians," muses Optimus, "and Fitor still has a great deal of respect for the sorry frag-off. Now that the Renegades are no longer a group due to the conditional amnesty," he continues, "technically, Fitor's a free agent."

"What would compel him to join our outfit?" snorts Silverbolt. "Pity?"

Optimus levels an annoyed look at Silverbolt. "I'm expecting Red Alert," he says. "I want you to run dry sorties with the rest of the Air Unit."

Silverbolt sighs. "Yes, sir, I'm-up-to-something-imus Prime," he says, a resigned grin on his face as he mock-salutes Optimus.

"Get out and obey my orders, you aft," says Optimus, shoving Silverbolt out of his office.


Scene: 12

"...what if there's an emergency?" asks Red Alert as he exits the Control Room with Optimus. "What if you sustain a cranial injury and the access codes to the Control Room are deleted from your memory and storage banks?"

Optimus places his hands on Red Alert's shoulders. "I don't expect you to bear this burden alone," he says. "Let me take some of the weight off."

Red Alert sighs, exasperated.

"We've all noticed a positive change in you," continues Optimus. "Ratchet also reports a reduction of false positives with regard to security threats."

"That's good," says Red Alert. "My directives will be more reliable."

Optimus hands Red Alert a small device.

"A...credit pack?" wonders Red Alert. "It's loaded with 2.8 million uni-credits," he says as he scans the credit pack.

"That's for you to take two lunar phases off," says Optimus. "I've just placed you on restorative leave, effective immediately-as I want this promising trend to continue."

"Ironhide's duties primarily involve protecting you, Optimus," counters Red Alert. "I was brought back into your unit to prevent Ironhide from attempting double-duty-because of my experience."

"And we need you at your best, Security Chief," says Optimus. "Nightbeat's your backup from Ginrai's team, and he'll cover for you while you're gone."

"He's skilled," says Red Alert, "but how will he cope with Jazz and the other slackers in Special Operations?"

"Go," orders Optimus. "I have Jazz's whole team working on a difficult mission," he continues, "so they won't even interfere with Nightbeat's efforts at security here."

"I...want you and the others to be safe, sir," says Red Alert, concern in his optics.

"We're safe, Red-as safe as we can be while fighting in a war. Go," says Optimus. "Take care of yourself for once."

"Y-yes, sir," says Red Alert, saluting Optimus as he walks away.


Scene: 13

"Alright, mechs," grins Jazz, in a secret base underneath an abandoned nightclub in New York. "What's our mission?"

"Somehow, we have to find out who's the head of Guardian Intelligence and get him to work with us," says Blaster.

Tracks scowls. "Did we have to pick this place?" he says dourly. "I still remember being strapped to speakers by Soundwave, and I have a killer migraine just thinking about it."

"I remember showing him..." grins Blaster, pressing his PLAY button.

Blaster's recording of a clip from The Last Dragon plays. "Who's the master!?"

"Sure enough," chuckles Bumblebee.

Smokescreen shakes his head. "This is a waste of time. Optimus only sends us on scrap missions like this when he wants us out of his way for a crazy scheme," he says.

"I still remember him being missing for half an M-cycle," says Tracks, "after Hackwrench defected."

"I keep hearing about Hackwrench," says Bumblebee. "Aside from being Ratchet's sister-and Soundwave's prime creator," he adds, shivering, "I'm not sure what the deal was."

"Explaining how thoroughly we were fragged when she shafted us for Megatron's troop would take eons," says Smokescreen.

"It ain't too bad this time," grins Jazz. "Prime doesn't have any of the tells that he's in a deranged mood. Besides," he continues, "we really do need to have a chat with Guardian Intelligence's INTELDIR."

"We can't find this guy," says Smokescreen. "We've tried."

"We do know that he's a Mold-7," says Bumblebee, "based on what we got from Kup and Miss Bee."

"He also works closely with the intelligence liaison," adds Tracks, "some character named 'Shichigorou Taichirou'."

"Codename: Turbo, man!" says Jazz, slapping the back of Tracks' head.

Tracks smirks. "I know; just making sure you're paying attention," he says.

"Guys, if we presume that the Guardians have to inflate their active troop strength," says Bumblebee, "and have to do things to route around Guardian protocol to get things done-*"

"-yeah, Bumblebee: that makes sense," says Jazz curtly. "That doesn't make 'INTELDIR MR-07' equal 'Turbo'."

"Why not?" balks Bumblebee.

"It's too damn obvious! For all we know, Scooter could be MR-07," snorts Jazz.

Bumblebee tackles Jazz. "Don't get me wrong, Chief," he grins, straddling Jazz. "Scooter's more dangerous than he looks. But he's not the INTELDIR. He can't even do a decent impression of Megatron," he continues, "let alone pull off those menacing vocal cadences of MR-07's."

"Turbo's voice prints do match MR-07's," adds Blaster.

"Yeah, but Turbo also sounds like Senator Nanatsuro and that aft Tonka," counters Jazz.

"Awesome grandfather and piece of scrap father, respectively," says Smokescreen, pulling out a file. "I'm on Bumblebee's side."

"Damn it," spits Jazz. "Destro could pull off a solid impression of MR-07 with the right audio engineering equipment. Or maybe that doctor guy from One Life to Live."

"Big deal!" snorts Bumblebee, standing up. "You sound like Hong Kong Phooey," he continues, "and that poor actor is dead."

"Some people say that I sound like Skeletor if he were flamingly gay," sneers Tracks in a bad impression of the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe character.

"What does that even mean?" asks Bumblebee.

"No one wants to answer that question," says Tracks, bewildered. "Humans are weird."

"Nah, they ain't weird-at least not the humans here on Earth," says Jazz, pulling a copy of the Bible out of subspace. "In multiple sectors of Earth, this book has a really strong cultural impact, and there are several commandments written in here that forbid Earthians from being 'flamingly gay'."

"That, combined with sexual dimorphism and likely a latent memory of the population bottleneck which affected Earthian humanity M-cycles ago, probably makes Earthians hostile to homosexuality-as they perceive it a threat to their species' reproductive viability," says Smokescreen.

"On what basis, man?" groans Jazz.

"I was having a chat with a James Hellwig-well, that was his birth name," says Smokescreen.

"You asked the opinion of a professional wrestler?" wonders Jazz.

"His was as good as anyone's," grins Smokescreen, his optics bright with mischief. "The Ultimate Warrior's opinion of Earthian homosexuality in light of the homoerotic overtones of his job was certainly more entertaining to hear than, say, Pat Robertson."

"Listening to that dude talk is like hearing Bluestreak tweaked on high-grade," says Blaster.

"Yeah-and that ain't kayfabe, let me tell you," says Smokescreen. "Whoo!" he howls, imitating Ric Flair.

Blaster plays Also Sprach Zarathustra.

"Be serious!" spits Jazz, annoyed. "Let's get back on track, mechs."

"Where we basically get Turbo to admit that he's the INTELDIR," quips Bumblebee.

"We need proof for that kind of scrap, Bumblebee," says Jazz. "How do you propose we get it?"

Bumblebee picks up the Bible. "We grab him by his missing rib," he smirks.


Scene: 14

A. J. and LaFitte fold their arms, giving the confined Autobots thin smiles.

Smokescreen looks up from the pit. "Why would you trap us?" he asks.

"Sergeant LaFitte ordered me to serve as bait for his trap," says A. J., nodding towards LaFitte, "and at E-9, there was no one here short of General Newcastle who could override his orders."

Jazz gives LaFitte a pleading look. "Come on, Ettienne; cut us some slack. We're all allies here."

"Allies," says LaFitte, "don't kidnap each other."

A. J. gazes at Jazz, Smokescreen, Tracks, and Bumblebee. "Sergeant," she says. "Request permission to question these detainees."

"Granted, Corporal," says LaFitte.

A. J. nods. "What do you want!?" she asks.

Tracks glares down at his chest panel as he takes out a buffing cloth from subspace. "Meaning...?" he asks.

"Why did you all try to kidnap me?" A. J. continues.

"Listen," says Smokescreen. "We need to speak with Turbo: to get in contact with the Intelligence Director for the Guardians."

LaFitte grins. "Is that all?" he asks.

"Yeah," says Jazz. "The INTELDIR's a hard guy to call ourselves," he adds, smiling, "so we have to annoy the Intelligence Liaison-who's Turbo."

"We checked," adds Tracks.

Jazz tenses his fists, even as he continues smiling. "Leader One sticks with his chain of command when it comes to Guardian Intelligence: can't get him to budge, so we can't go over Turbo's head."

"We've already reasoned, Sergeant LaFitte," says Smokescreen, "that your people are running into the same brick wall."

LaFitte turns to A. J., who sighs.

Tracks rubs his chassis vigorously.

"Still no reason to stalk me," A. J. says. "What did you plan to talk about with the INTELDIR?"

"Compare records: Autobot Intelligence with Guardian Intelligence," says Jazz.

Turbo enters the detainment chamber, with an inert Bumblebee over his shoulder, and Mirage in front: cuffed; he approaches the pit.

A. J. laughs. "Your B-team has failed," she says to the Autobots.

Turbo tosses Bumblebee and pushes Mirage into the pit, chuckling. "Two more, A. J."

As he lands, Bumblebee comes back online; he groans.

Mirage snatches Tracks' buffing cloth, then rubs himself.

"Did you tell Mirage how dirty intel work can get?" Turbo asks Jazz.

"We all fight dirty when we have to," says Jazz, "but we try to keep a shiny finish: to stay classy."

"How long are they in for, sarge?" Turbo asks LaFitte.

"On that," says LaFitte, "I'll defer to General Newcastle: the CO of this facility."

A. J. narrows her eyes at the trapped Autobots.

"We'll take our leave, Corporal," says LaFitte. He leaves with A. J. and Turbo.

Jazz chuckles. "Emergency rations, everyone," he orders.

Smokescreen seethes as he retrieves three cubes of high-grade from subspace. "Damn it; I was saving this..."

Mirage pulls out five cubes of high-grade, handing Tracks two; he resumes his buffing.

"Good down payment, Raj," says Tracks. "My finish is worth at least seven."

"Knock it off!" fumes Bumblebee. "We should try to climb out of here."

Jazz grins, leaning back against the wall of the pit after retrieving two cubes of high-grade. "Knock yourself out," he says, consuming one.

Bumblebee looks up, trembles, then kicks at the ground; he sits down, pulling out four cubes of high-grade.

Jazz nods.

"Optimus is such a snitch," says Smokescreen.

"To get Turbo to look the other way while he tries something crazy to bring Fitor onboard with us," says Jazz, "Prime's got no choice."

Bumblebee pouts. "Forcefields are a low blow."


Scene: 15

"This is the most secure room here," whispers Optimus, taking out cubes of high grade and setting them on the Control Room table.

Fitor enters the Control Room, shutting the door behind him; Optimus quickly activates the mag-lock.

"Why all of this cloak-and-dagger scrap, Optimus?" wonders Fitor, a sloppy grin on his face.

"I think I mapped out matters well," says Optimus, a bright gleam in his optics. "I don't even want Red Alert or Jazz to know about this...because they'll stop us from colluding."

"And that's bad..." drawls Fitor.

"This is a good idea," mutters Optimus, downing a cube of high-grade. "This is a fraggin' hell of a good idea-I don't want to be talked out of it. I don't care how depraved, or sick, or evil it is: it's the right thing to do. It will save Gobotron, it will save Earth, and it will help us to stop Megatron once and for all."

"The only reason either of us are considering this mad plan," spits Fitor, snatching a cube from Optimus before the Autobot starts to consume it-only to drink it himself, "is because of this damned high-grade. Where did you get this...?"

"Stole it from Skyfire. All part of the plan," says Optimus, nodding his head erratically. "Skyfire is instrumental to the plan...precisely because he'd never let you carry out your end."

"Good," says Fitor, slumping in a chair. "I don't want to hurt Sakura..."

Optimus rubs Fitor's shoulders. "You won't, man," he says soothingly. "Didn't she kiss you?"

"She's so young," winces Fitor. "I'm old enough to be her damned father."

"That just means you have experience. Lug up, air jockey," says Optimus. "Besides, she's older than the Guardian femme who my security chief is rutting on a pleasure planet somewhere."

"Which is the other reason you're able to pull this off," grins Fitor.

Optimus laughs maniacally.

"You jack-aft!" spits Fitor, chuckling. "If I wanted to hear that kind of stupid laughter, I could have stayed on Thruster One."

"I'm new to wicked, diabolical schemes," says Optimus, "so I'm taking a page from various Earth cartoons-like Megatron and his fraggin' giant purple griffins."

"I'm beginning to wonder if that Berger imbecile had stumbled onto the truth when he attempted to frame you Autobots," sneers Fitor.

"Quit channelling Air Raid," sputters Optimus, snickering. "It's bad enough that the only thing my deranged outfit is missing is the the ruthless terrorist overlord that I'm clearly supposed to be."

Fitor stares at Optimus, confused.

"You see: I'm not a hero; I'm a villain with an 'F' in evil," says Optimus glibly.

"Which, oddly-enough, makes you paradoxically more effective as a villain for Saturday morning cartoon purposes," quips Fitor. You've had your mad scientists create five robots out of alien creature bones-and they haven't turned on you."

"Wrong; three of them initially did, then all five tried to desert. The second-nicest one nearly killed me...and I deserved it," says Optimus.

"'Second-nicest' to whom?" scoffs Fitor. "Frenzy would probably like to have a word with you."

Optimus laughs.

"I saw the condition Sludge had that poor bastard in when we arrived," continues Fitor. "Even Wheeljack was shocked."

"Sludge...is mercurial..." drones Optimus.

"But to continue: you've managed to conscript five random offline mechs into being endogestalt components," says Fitor, "with your most dedicated fighter being the former Decepticon."

"Frag that," snorts Optimus. "Slingshot has always been my buddy. Just had to clear out the stasis fog. Damn, he's an aft."

"He'd try to talk you out of this plan, too, huh?" asks Fitor.

"Yeah; he, Silverbolt, and Skydive would all be spoilsports. Air Raid would agree with it if he and Fireflight were the ones seducing our little Sakura," says Optimus. "That girl loves her deviant jetwarrior boys, you know."

"She's such a pretty, reckless, and naive child," says Fitor, studying a cube of high-grade. "But then, so is her damned father."

"I think Sparkplug called the good Senator Karakawa 'Neville' when he stopped over for a diplomatic review of the Ark," says Optimus. "Poor guy didn't get the joke."

"Senator Nanatsuro did," says Fitor, drinking from the cube.

"The reality is," says Optimus, "Karakawa's daughter has to take it on the chin for Gobotron. It's always the innocent who suffer."

"Indeed. Who was more innocent than Crossword, after all?" spits Fitor.

"Fair enough. I can just imagine him and the others of the Six spitting at Sunstreaker and Sideswipe," says Optimus. "Especially poor Jigsaw. The kid's depressed at Gobot society."

"In that respect," says Fitor, "he's definitely his mother's child. Who wouldn't be depressed at my stupid, easily-frightened and docile society?"

"Jetwarriors are such impatient afts!" spits Optimus. "Really, Megatron wouldn't think of something this deranged; this is a Starscream ploy-complete with emotional blackmail and manipulation."

"Don't insult me," counters Fitor. "We jetwarriors simply prefer the shortest distance between two points."

"Leader One won't let you get away with this," sighs Optimus. "Neither will Cy-Kill."

Fitor hands Optimus a cube. "You need another dose," he says. "I don't want to cede my planet to the likes of Megatron because of your insufferable bouts of conscience, and I want to frag Sakura senseless. Where is the downside?"

"I'm pretty sure the Decepticons aren't going to let this happen; they'll demand an alliance with the Guardians to put the Renegades down," says Optimus.

"That's the beauty of this: if I fill up Sakura's ports with more 'Daizaburo-san'," he grins, a lewd expression on his face, "and she's bearing my chipset, then what choice will Senator Karakawa have but to throw in Gobotron's lot with you and me?"

"You really think Senator Karakawa's going to give in because you knocked up his daughter?" scoffs Optimus.

"I expect there will be much arm-twisting from Nanatsuro," says Fitor, "and I could always call my father."

"He was on Megatron's side during the Second War," mutters Optimus.

"Turbine hated every second of it. He and former Governor-general Yukimaru wouldn't even dignify the Decepticon sigil back then," grins Fitor.

"Doesn't he think you're a disappointment for defecting from the Guardians?" asks Optimus.

"Yes. But he hates Megatron more," says Fitor.


Scene: 16

Sparkplug yawns as he exits his house, clad in his pajamas and a housecoat.

Senator Karakawa stands outside on the lawn.

Sparkplug walks over to the Gobot. "You...might want to sit down," he says, understanding in his eyes. "You look exhausted."

"I'm worried..." says Senator Karakawa. "About my daughter."

"I worry about my sons," says Sparkplug, "Samuel Adam Witwicky and Samuel Adam Witwicky," he adds with a grin.

"Both of them have the same name?" wonders Senator Karakawa.

Sparkplug nods.

"How do you tell them apart?" asks Senator Karakawa.

"Spike's the older one who was on the oil rig with me on that day in 1984," says Sparkplug. "Buster is-or used to be-the cute kid who liked to hide under Sludge's berth at the Ark when his mom came to pick him up."

Senator Karakawa frowns.

"I know; you wish we 'Earthians' hadn't been so quick to pick a side-but it more-or-less picked us," says Sparkplug.

"Nothing is ever as it appears," says Senator Karakawa.

"I fully admit that we're out of our depth in this," says Sparkplug. "Have you seen our sci-fi movies and TV shows? We were never prepared for you. We were expecting green people with large, beady eyes and antlers, or just people like us with oversized foreheads."

Senator Karakawa touches his chin.

"As far as giant robots we couldn't control: maybe Gort, if Klaatu decided we were too violent," muses Sparkplug. "That's about as close as we've even speculated."

"The Day the Earth Stood Still," says Senator Karakawa.

"You know," says Sparkplug. "When I was a kid, outer space sounded so awesome. It was a new, unexplored place where anything could happen."

Senator Karakawa nods.

"Then we got pictures of Earth in space," says Sparkplug thoughtfully, "starting in the 1960s. The most famous one, of course, is The Blue Marble," he continues.

"I see," says Senator Karakawa, recalling The Blue Marble image in his mind from his last visit to Earth.

"After that-and with the problems we're still dealing with while travelling on this marble-space," says Sparkplug, "just didn't seem exciting anymore. Only scary."

"But space," says Senator Karakawa, "is the 'final frontier'. Humans such as ourselves excel at-*"

"We excel at 'exploring strange new worlds: to seek out new life and new civilizations, and to boldly go where no one has gone before'," says Sparkplug wryly. "The problem is that the 'new worlds' decided to come to us around the time of the Challenger disaster-and long before we were ready to go exploring anywhere past our front porch," he adds, pointing to the moon.

Senator Karakawa smiles.

"Hell, the only reason my 'sector' went that far was because the Soviets were floating around in the void," says Sparkplug, exasperated, "and at the time, we were scared that they'd reach it first and destroy the United States from orbit."

Senator Karakawa chuckles ruefully. "I can relate, Mr. Witwicky," he says.

"I guess so: you likely see Gobotron the same way: your shining silver apple core," says Sparkplug. "So do those maniacs you have in Arizona."

"How does Megatron see Cybertron: in your opinion?" asks Senator Karakawa.

"The same way Optimus sees it," says Sparkplug. "Considering Megatron fought to make it what it was before he took it over, he probably values Cybertron more than we're willing to give him credit for."

Senator Karakawa refreshes his optics at Sparkplug, startled.

"What?" scoffs Sparkplug. "You thought I wouldn't give the devil his due?"

"I...am surprised," says Senator Karakawa.

"Optimus told me-he had to tell me, because I was brainwashed for a good chunk of everything that happened," says Sparkplug, "that Megatron knowingly endangered Cybertron...because he knew Optimus-his enemy-would act to save it: even if it meant damning the Earth. Optimus was trying to apologize to me for flipping the switch."

"I suppose he expected to be cursed for accepting a false dichotomy," says Senator Karakawa.

"I told Optimus that if he hadn't acted to save Cybertron," says Sparkplug, "then I'd wonder what was wrong with him."

"That's...a remarkable reaction, Mr. Witwicky," says Senator Karakawa.

"I guess. From that day forward," says Sparkplug soberly, "I promised myself that I would hug my sons every day, that I would forgive every person I've ever hated, and that I would work and learn everything I can about this," he continues, "until the day I die."

Senator Karakawa stares at Sparkplug in awe.

"Because the truth is, no one's going to hold our hands in this situation," continues Sparkplug. "Either we 'Earthians' figure this shit out, or we die."

"Then you understand why I spoke as I did," says Senator Karakawa quietly.

"Oh, I'm still angry," says Sparkplug, "but yes: I understand. I'm not angry at you, Senator."

"The situation is simply untenable for you," says Senator Karakawa.

"And you have to protect Gobotron," says Sparkplug, sighing. "My frustration-which is shared by everyone not wearing a Decepticon sigil-is that Megatron wants to fuck over both my marble and your apple core in the name of his fading golden sphere."

"There is room enough in this vast cosmos for all three to coexist-and thrive-in peace!" spits Senator Karakawa, trembling. "Why can no one see that but me?"

Sparkplug stares at Senator Karakawa.

"Why must my only daughter feel like a prisoner on her own homeworld," Senator Karakawa continues, clutching his knees as he fights back tears, "and see me as her jailer-rather than those who seek war!?"

Sparkplug rubs his arms.

"War is my enemy," says Senator Karakawa after a moment of silence. "Peace is what I seek."

"Then," says Sparkplug, "I can understand why you see Megatron as a potential ally. He promises peace...through tyranny."

"Of course, your sector sees Megatron as its bitter enemy," says Senator Karakawa wryly, "for one of your early statesmen declared: 'Give me liberty, or give me death', and another of your most revered statesmen," he continues, "stated: 'They who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety'. Of course, the latter is usually invoked grossly out of context, but the misquote fits your cultural narrative: much like the Gadsden snake symbol."

"'Don't tread on me' indeed, Senator," grins Sparkplug. "This sector is a haven for noisy bastard rattlesnakes like Ronald Witwicky," he continues, pointing to himself, "who just want to be left alone. In peace. Without fucking tyranny."

"And I verbally stepped into your snake pit, I suppose," says Senator Karakawa thoughtfully.

"Yes," says Sparkplug with a slight hiss.


Scene: 17

"I shouldn't be here," says Nanatsuro, in a technoorganic wilderness area outside Iacon.

Kup grins, standing with Sanji.

"Especially not with that fellow," he adds, smirking.

"I don't appreciate your grandson setting Akira up to be brutalized by those vapid sociopaths you call cousins," sneers Sanji.

"Why?" wonders Nanatsuro.

"Because you know what an impulsive scrap Daizaburo is when he's frustrated," spits Sanji. "He went to Earth...alone."

"To do what?" balks Nanatsuro.

"He said that he was going to chat with a friend there who did him a good turn," says Sanji, "someone who's had a run of bad luck exacerbated by his lack of military acumen."

Kup blinks. "You don't think that Fitor's trying to get the Autobots and Bike Hero to join forces, do you?" he asks. "That's basically Guardian and Decepticon-assisted faction suicide."

Nanatsuro shakes his head. "There's a deranged backup plan to prevent such an unholy alliance from occurring," he says. "Because otherwise," he continues with a thin, rueful smile, "I will personally wipe out the Senate and install myself as planetary dictator before I allow Megatron any further hold on Gobotron."

"What...?" gasps Kup.

"Whose daughter do you think Taiko was?" Nanatsuro adds.

"The Guardians would have to stop you," says Sanji, shaking his head.

Nanatsuro laughs.

"Quit being a frag, Kusanagi," says Kup. "Think rationally."

Nanatsuro rolls his optics at hearing his active-service codename. "I'm not hearing this scrap from someone willing to force-frag Sentinel Prime's bondmate to save her from Megatron."

"I lost the fraggin' Courtship Ritual anyway," says Kup.

"Oh, that was beyond stupid," snorts Sanji. "Daizaburo's plan, as mad as it is, will at least benefit everyone. I just don't like the idea of dragging in the girl. It's...messy."

Nanatsuro starts to speak.

Sanji raises a hand. "Karakawa Sakura is an ordinary civilian," he continues, "not a Guardian whose duty it is to bear these burdens."

"True," says Nanatsuro, "but unless her insufferable father's a Spark Agent, she'll have to pay the price."

"Leader One will never go along with this-for numerous reasons," says Kup. "And I believe Optimus' honor will prevail over his desperation."

Sanji shakes his head.


Scene: 18

"I have to factor in Crasher as well," says Fitor.

"You mean the Holy Renegade Mother Glitch?" quips Optimus.

"You...are going to some form of hell for that, Optimus Prime," says Fitor.

"I'm the son of a megalomaniac who wanted to be God," counters Optimus. "Besides, Crasher is clearly sublimating a great deal of...frustration through her violence fetish."

"If by that you mean," says Fitor, "that she and Leader One need to resolve the tension between them, then you're correct. At the same time," he continues, "one of the reasons she's a Renegade is to stop femme exploitation. She'll murder me if I try to execute this plan..."

Optimus studies Fitor.

Fitor downs another cube of high-grade, then pulls a pair of neutron pistols from subspace. "But that's why I stole these from Jeeper," he continues, smirking. "I can fire a slug into Sakura's core a lot faster than either Crasher or Leader One can react; for obvious reasons, Sakura's a great deal more valuable to everyone alive than dead."

"But..." Optimus trembles.

"I don't want to hurt Sakura. I don't anticipate ever firing these onto Sakura," says Fitor. "Nonetheless, I won't allow her to live on a Gobotron which would capitulate to the likes of Megatron."

"I see," says Optimus. "You anticipate that Leader One would compel Crasher to hold back to protect Sakura."

"I intend to compel the both of them to just frag each other already," grins Fitor, "which will free me to bond with Sakura."

Optimus blinks. "Crasher's a stubborn glitch," he balks. "And another problem..."

Fitor studies Optimus coolly.

"...she's smart," says Optimus, a bewildered look in his optics. "Stubbornness and intelligence are dangerous elements when combined together in a femme."


Scene: 19

Crasher opens the launch bay door. "How are the boys?" she asks, an annoyed tone in her voice.

"They're fine, krokoutas," sneers Sunstreaker, entering with the Puzzler Six and Sideswipe. "I'm just here to drop them off on the way to find Red Alert."

"Why isn't he lurking in his office at Autobot Headquarters," snorts Crasher, "wondering which one of you Auto-frags will stick a lazon shiv in his back?"

Sideswipe snickers as the Puzzler Six leave for their quarters. "Red's too relaxed for that kind of paranoia," he grins. "Sparky's likely engaging him in various...stress-relief exercises."

"She's cleaning Red's input cable with her lubed ports as we speak," says Sunstreaker, "and we don't know where...which is a problem."

Crasher blinks.

"Our top security chief is nowhere to be found," Sunstreaker continues, "and our commander, Optimus Prime, has mag-locked and secured the Control Room."

Crasher touches her chin. "Fitor...Earth...alone...stole Jeeper's guns," she muses aloud.

"Fireflight did see Fitor trying to sneak in with Optimus," grins Sideswipe. "The thing is: Fitor's about the same size as Skyfire, and Optimus isn't a small mech-those two aren't sneaking anywhere."

"No; the old blowhard would never try to pull an end-run on Cy-Kill," says Crasher. "An alliance with you idiots is tantamount to faction suicide."

"Unless we could convince the Guardians to join us, too," says Sideswipe.

"Not with the non-aggression pact in the way," counters Crasher. "Fitor's an ex-Guardian. He knows that the Decepticons would demand a formal alliance between Cybertron and Gobotron, and that weasel Senator Karakawa would bend over and take it from Megatron."

"Doesn't Karakawa have that cute femme for a daughter?" asks Sideswipe.

"Ah," says Crasher, a thin smile on her face, "the little glitch who led Leader One and the other Guardians straight to Rogue Star...while she was trying to track the sorry bastard down to do her job-to be fair to the girl."

Sunstreaker strokes his chin. "Is she single?" he asks.

"To my knowledge," says Crasher, "but according to Snoop's intel brief on the brat, she's into jetwarriors. You're out of luck unless you're an Aerialbot."

"Wait...isn't Fitor a jetwarrior?" asks Sideswipe.

"Fitor's older than Senator Karakawa!" spits Crasher. "Why would she waste her time with the old blowhard?"

"From our observations," says Sideswipe, "you Gobot femmes like your mechs to skew older. More experience."

"Then-purely on an aesthetic level, mind you," says Crasher curtly, "she has Leader One to play with. And if age is the issue, he's older than Fitor."

"True, but you have first dibs on Leader One," says Sunstreaker with a wry grin, "and the girl doesn't seem suicidal."

Crasher scowls at Sunstreaker.

"Don't forget: I was there when you were addressing some of Leader One's long-deprived needs," continues Sunstreaker.

Crasher punches Sunstreaker, knocking the yellow Autobot to the ground. "You were too busy fragging Snoop-and you weren't her first by a long shot," she sneers. "The glitch was faking it the whole way."

"That's not what she said to me last night," grins Sunstreaker as he rises to his feet.

"Guys," says Sideswipe. "We're talking about Fitor possibly plotting to seduce Senator Karakawa's daughter."

"He wouldn't think to do such a thing!" balks Crasher.

"Why?" scoffs Sunstreaker. "Because you'd crush his lugs?"

"Because Fitor's too pompous and stuffy," says Crasher. "He's a straightforward, no-nonsense guy."

"He's a jetwarrior," say Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

"And you're in total denial," says Snoop. "A solid third of the mechs on Thruster One want to tap Sakura-chan's ports until she dies from multi-input data overload."

"Why do men watch that scrap on TV?" spits Crasher, annoyed.

Jeeper Creeper enters the launch bay, glowering. "My guns were stolen," he hisses.

"I know; Fitor took your favorite hand pistols for some arcane reason," says Crasher tiredly. "I'm sick of hearing you whine about it."

"He's going to hold her hostage," grins Sideswipe.

"And if he's lucky," adds Sunstreaker, "he'll frag her, too."

"Fitor won't do that!" seethes Crasher.

"Who is Fitor planning to kidnap with my guns?" demands Jeeper.

"Karakawa Sakura," says Snoop.

"I...had plans for her and that other femme in Dr. Houshin's office," trembles Jeeper as his input cable snakes out of his torso. "But they involved having my rifle in-*"

Crasher kicks Jeeper in the face, knocking him out.

"What kind of sick porn do they have on Gobotron?" wonders Sideswipe. "I'm horrified, yet oddly-intrigued."

"Occult futanari scrap," says Crasher dourly.

"Look, Crasher," says Sunstreaker, "after so many M-cycles around these maniacs, I just don't think your guy Fitor can be above it all anymore."

"Maybe he just wants privacy as he tools off with Optimus Prime," says Crasher dubiously. "I'm in no position to judge-I mean: look at Spoiler," she adds, rolling her optics.

"Optimus is an impressive machine," muses Snoop, "but Fitor likes his femmes."

Crasher stamps her foot childlishly. "Not our Fighty," she pouts. "He's our big, serious guy-like Sky Jack, but older. He doesn't succumb to this level of..." Crasher trails off, trembling.

Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, and Snoop also shudder.

"Is it just me..." asks Crasher, "...or does anyone detect a sudden heady EM field spike...?"

"Ooh...that's super-jet fuel," coos Snoop.

The four mecha note Jigsaw attempting to creep past the launch bay with a pair of large energon cubes.

Sighing, Jigsaw stops. "I'm not very good at this, am I?" he states.

"No, you're not," says Crasher. "Now, where did you locate super-jet fuel?"

Jigsaw squares his shoulders. "Fitor gave these to me as a gift," he states.

"And did he also give your brothers any energon as contraband gifts?" continues Crasher.

"I can't say..." muses Jigsaw.

"You should have simply lied, little darling," says Snoop.

"You wouldn't have believed me," pouts Jigsaw.

The others of the Puzzler Six emerge, each bringing two cubes of high-grade.

"Cubes...down," says Sunstreaker.

"You ain't the boss of us, Sunseeker," says Pocket.

"Now," orders Crasher.

"She is the boss of us," say the Six in unison as they obey Crasher.

"Those are our snacks for later," says Jigsaw. "Properly reconstituted in a legally-vetted form, these rations could last us for three hundred K-cycles."

"Jigsaw can do what he wants with his share," says Crossword, "but my plans involve me, this energon, and my mini-arcade."

"Why would Fitor give any of this to you?" demands Crasher.

Tic-Tac degausses his vocoder. "To secure our cooperative silence, mother," he says.


Scene: 20

"...one moment," says Red Alert, picking up a device and activating it.

A loud horn-like klaxon blares from the device; Slingshot drops into Red Alert's office.

"How good of you to drop in," says Red Alert, granting Slingshot a thin smile as the Aerialbot stands.

"I was plugging security leaks like you ordered, sir," says Slingshot.

"Indeed," says Red Alert, "except I had ordered Pipes and Skids to do it."

"Take it easy," says Sparky. "We need help anyway, and knowing Slingshot," she continues, "he was going to volunteer."

"Optimus probably would like to convince you to defect to the Autobots," says Red wryly.

"Try to recruit me," says Sparky, "and you guys will never get rid of Turbo."

"Optimus wants him, too," snorts Slingshot, "like we need any more fraggin' ground vehicle mecha in this outfit."

"I think we could fudge you guys Sky Jack," says Sparky, "but you didn't hear that from me."

"That's four ex-Renegades you guys want to foist on us," counters Slingshot, "and the damned garbage truck's the only one Optimus wants-though we could use Sky Jack."

"What's wrong with Cy-Kill?" balks Sparky.

"Optimus wants Fitor, Snoop, and Crasher-along with her kids," says Slingshot, "one of whom is Sunny Glitches' kid."

"Who is here," says Red Alert, "with three of his cohorts. Let's ensure that they don't distract Sunstreaker from his monitor detail." He exits his office.

Confused, Slingshot and Sparky follow Red Alert out.


Scene: 21

"Red, where are we going, dude?" demands Air Raid.

"You just won't quit asking him that, will you, old bean?" says Rube, annoyed.

"I ain't stopping until I get an answer," says Air Raid.

The ship slows down as it approaches a solar system, orbiting a yellow star.

"Now," says Red Alert, turning to Air Raid, "that we are as far away from our lovely information sieve as this ship could take us, I will answer all 874 variants of your query."

Air Raid stares at Red Alert.

"Before you answer him," says Slingshot, "I've got a query of my own. Why are we in a solar system where a bunch of organics are engaged in a civil war that has lasted for over three M-cycles?"

"I'm taking a page from Senator Nanatsuro's book," states Red Alert, grinning, "and I will save them from Gobot-assisted suicide, to return his favor to us during the Second War. Slingshot, incidentally, has answered Air Raid's question for me."

"Okay," says Air Raid, "so we're involving ourselves in a solar system-wide civil war. How will this help us?"

"It makes perfect sense, Air Raid!" beams Pocket. "That solar system's rich in energy. If you guys don't interfere, the Decepticons will."

"And ya know Megatron will grab Senator Karakawa by the lugs," adds Zigzag. "But if this genocide happens, then MR-DIGIT will have the Head Senator by the lugs-and frankly, I trust Megatron a lot more than those Guardian Intelligence frags."

Sparky scowls at Zigzag. "I can safely tell you, kiddo," she says, "that Guardian Intelligence did not initiate this operation. Fitor, Cop-tur, and Loco are all in over their heads."

"I can't blame you for liking her, Red," grins Sideswipe, gently elbowing Red Alert. "She's a real cutie."

"Whenever you're bored with his old aft, Sparky," adds Sunstreaker, "you're welcome to try this sexier, younger model of a Lambor."

"Thanks for the offer," quips Sparky, "but I prefer mechs with better aim."

Sunstreaker catches on to the barb. "If this glorious specimen of handsomeness," he says, hoisting Pocket onto his shoulder, "is the result of a misfire-*"

"Put me down, Sunseeker!" fumes Pocket, pouting.

Sunstreaker kisses Pocket's cheek, chuckling. "Just imagine, baby, what I can do when I'm serious," he continues.

"Why'd you encourage him!?" demands Pocket, pointing at Sparky.

Sparky grins. "It amused me," she says.

Red Alert, smiling briefly, glances at Sparky a moment; he then navigates the ship to the home planet of the solar system.


Scene: 22

Atop a mountain cliff in South America, Skyfire sits, lost in thought.

Skywarp, in flight near the area, teleports near Skyfire, transforms, and lands. "If it ain't Rodin's The Traitor," he sneers.

"You're hardly a student of Earthian art," scoffs Skyfire. "Leave me alone."

"Nah," counters Skywarp, grinning. "I'd rather keep you company. And for the record," he continues, "Earth's art and music is one of the few reasons I haven't personally started a campaign of brutal genocide against the fraggin' fleshbags."

"If you keep this up," quips Skyfire, "you'll never see Small Foot's berth again."

"Naturally-because at that point, she'll be chained to my berth until she gets with the program," says Skywarp.

"Ah: your true colors shine once again," says Skyfire. "What do you want?"

"To offer you this for your thoughts," says Skywarp, handing Skyfire an Earth coin.

Skyfire studies the coin. "A penny...?" he wonders.

"I know, Skyfrag: your thoughts can't be worth that much," says Skywarp, "but I'm feeling generous."

"I'm beginning to wonder if you were telling the truth about our grandfathers serving in the CDF together," says Skyfire.

"Oh, you want empirical evidence, science geek?" asks Skywarp. "I can call my grandma right now and she'll be happy to set you straight."

"I'll contact Lady Typhonus myself, thanks," smiles Skyfire thinly, "hopefully to confirm that you were adopted."

"Optimus Prime's been acting funny lately," says Skywarp. "From my past observations while you were napping in the snow-before we both crashed here ourselves with Screamer, mind you-that's not a good thing."

"I haven't noticed any unusual behavior," says Skyfire evenly.

Skywarp rolls his optics. "Ever since Senator Karakawa made his big speech: your Security Chief's missing, the Aerialbots are everywhere on Earth but Autobot Headquarters, and I don't see that little yellow runt Bumblefrag anywhere."

"So...?" wonders Skyfire.

"Now, I know that Red Alert's tapping a cute femme's ports," says Skywarp, "and the fleshies love the Aerialbots, so Prime wants them front and center. But Bumblebee's always nearby."

"You act as if I know what's going on," says Skyfire curtly. "I've only recently returned to the Autobots."

"See what a non-entity you are?" says Skywarp. "None of us even knew you left."

"Why don't you ask me how much I think your thoughts are worth?" says Skyfire.

"Because you'd say they're worth less than nothing," says Skywarp. "You so-called smart guys are fairly predictable."

"You're right about one thing; you need to pay me to listen to any more of what passes for thought from you," says Skyfire.

"So you don't want to know why Prime has been trying to woo Fitor over?" asks Skywarp.

"Obviously, the Autobots need someone to fill my slot should I decide to write off both them and you," says Skyfire dourly, "and wait somewhere as a neutral until the War ends."

"Hm...do I detect a bit of traitor's remorse?" asks Skywarp.

"Any army with you in it is not worthy of my time or energy," counters Skyfire.

"You can spit at me all you like," says Skywarp, "but you know that Optimus is up to something, and whatever it is, it doesn't sit well with your vaunted principles."

Skyfire glares at Skywarp.

"Do you know that Optimus and Fitor were double-teaming this femme in a fight?" adds Skywarp.

"Considering that the femme in question was Crasher," says Skyfire, "that was the only way to ensure a fair fight. Besides which," he continues, "I stopped it."

"Indeed: you're a noble white knight," grins Skywarp. "Sucker."

"Excuse me?" balks Skyfire.

"You want to know how Skywing got killed?" asks Skywarp.

"You'll tell me anyway," says Skyfire.

"Then listen up, Skyfrag," says Skywarp. "Guys like him-guys like you-will do whatever they're told to do, and believe whatever they're told to believe: as long as some leader says the right words to make them feel better."

"Has Megatron failed to say the magic words for you?" asks Skyfire.

"I don't give a frag what he says," says Skywarp, "as I keep my optics open. Has Optimus been saying the right words to you?"

"Optimus Prime speaks through his actions, not his words," says Skyfire.

"Oh, that's an undeniable fact!" says Skywarp, rubbing his left ring knuckle. "What are his actions saying to you now, smart guy?"

"I don't know," says Skyfire. "I won't rush to judgment without learning all of the facts."

"Then I've got a homework assignment for you, Skyfrag," says Skywarp. "Start your fact gathering," he continues, rising into the sky and transforming to jet mode, "and let's meet here next week." Skywarp flies away.

Skyfire scowls. "He...is an aft," he glowers as he transforms and flies off, headed due north towards Oregon.

END SPECIAL FIVE