"If we're lucky and we're really really really quiet, we may be able to hear the sound of a condolence breaking," Chandler said.
Typical Chandler, Monica thought as he hugged her closer. Deflect the significance of the moment with a crude joke. Deciding to adopt would literally be life-changing.
Monica turned to him and hooked both index fingers into his belt loops and jiggled his hips.
"Wanna go celebrate our decision?" She asked, nodding over her shoulder toward their bedroom. Eyes sparking. Biting her lip.
Chandler blinked and nodded dumbly.
Once in their bedroom, Monica was all flirty smiles. Pulling him toward their bed, kissing his jaw. Kissing his neck. Hands running everywhere.
Chandler tried to get lost in his wife and her glee.
Monica sat on the bed, but Chandler took a step back.
He scratched the back of his head.
"Uh - we haven't talked about," Chandler began. "We haven't done it - done this - since we found out…"
Monica smiled curiously at him. It wasn't unusual for Chandler to flounder like this with words, but it was rare for him to hesitate in their bedroom.
"Babe," Monica began. "If you don't want to…." She trailed off. They'd been having sex for four years and he'd said no maybe half a dozen times.
Chandler shook his head adamantly.
"Sorry," he said. "I do. I'm just…in my head. I'm fine. I'm good."
He smiled at Monica, inching closer. Chandler kissed her, as she played with his tie and pulled onto their bed. He pulled back again.
"We haven't talked about - do you want me to - I don't even know if we have -" he sputtered.
"Chandler?" Monica asked, looking at him hopefully, quizzically from half under him. He took a breath to compose himself.
"Do you want me to wear a condom?"
Monica blinked at her husband. He was clearly distressed, and he was right - they hadn't discussed it.
If it they got pregnant now, great, Monica had thought. If not - well, what was new?
Monica smiled at him slowly.
"Let's not worry about it," she said, pulling him closer. "Let's just have fun. Enjoy each other."
It wasn't as easy for Chandler to get lost in her kisses, her hands, her body, as it usually was.
But he managed.
—-
He was grunting in her ear, 5 o'clock shadow rubbing against her her delicate skin.
It wasn't bad - Monica was close herself, so she wasn't dwelling on Chandler's state of mind. He was off, but not enough so to prevent her from having a good time. Methodical, maybe, but still hitting the right spots.
Monica could tell he was close, too - his muscles were tense, his thrusts were getting faster, his breathing getting heavier in her ear.
Chandler wasn't kissing her lovingly, but they were no strangers to quick and dirty. Monica arched her back as she came, crying out in pleasure.
Chandler was not far behind, groaning in her ear. Again, it crossed her mind that he was elsewhere but Monica was rubbing his back and his hair while trying to catch her breathe and regain feeling in her jelly legs.
Monica was aware of Chandler trying to regulate his breathing in her ear, his face buried in her splayed hair. She rubbed her leg along his before he pulled out slowly.
And then he burst into tears.
Monica was gobsmacked. They had been celebrating in their favorite way, hadn't they? But now her husband was crying into the crook of her neck.
Chandler was scrambling, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and bury his face in his hands.
"Sorry," he said. "I'm sorry. I don't know-"
Chandler had his elbows on his knees, futilely wiping and his eyes.
Monica was clambering behind him, trying to sit up and hug him in one motion.
"Honey," she began. "Chandler, it's ok. I'm here. Tell me what going on."
They were both naked, sweaty, flustered and confused. Chandler took a few deep breaths and forced a smile.
"That's a first, huh?" He said. "I'm ok. I'm fine. Let's -" Chandler gestured toward the bed, indicating they lie back down.
Back in bed, back in each other's arms and under their blankets, Monica's mind was spinning.
What had just happened? Chandler had never been anything but jubilant or silly after sex. Maybe a little smug.
Her husband was a man who fought tears - sure, he'd well up easily but Chandler rarely broke down like this.
Monica was rubbing calming circles on his back, trying to figure out how to approach this when she heard him sniffling again.
"Chandler," Monica began softly. "Talk to me, sweetie."
He was quiet for a beat, mouth flapping as he tried to find the words. He groaned in frustration and wiped his eyes again.
"I just - I just wanted this so badly for us," he swallowed. "For you. I mean - I was so scared for so long and you've wanted kids forever. Now we're both ready, we're in a good spot with money, we both want this-"
Chandler paused for a moment, trying to compose himself and gather his thoughts.
"It's just not fair," Chandler said, shrugging. He added quietly, "I feel like I let you down."
Monica softened and brought one hand to her heart and the other to his cheek but he shrugged away from it.
"No, I know we're good. That you don't feel like I let you down," he said. "I mean, I was joking earlier about bringing the sperm, but…."
Chandler let the sentence hang, clenching and unclenching his jaw.
"You know I'm not wrapped up in being super manly," he said. "But this? Kind of a blow to that."
Monica just listened.
"We've been careful for what? 3? 4? years now? I just thought - just assumed - when we didn't actively prevent it, it would happen," Chandler said. "I tried not to think about the fact that it was taking us so long. I was just trying to enjoy all the sex."
He grinned at his wife and half chuckled.
"We've had a lot of sex, really good, sex trying to get pregnant," Chandler said. "And with Tulsa and the new jobs and everything else, it was really easy to - to - I don't know, make excuses? Bury my head in the sand? I was talking with Janice while you were still having your - your whatever. Your exam. I literally hadn't really considered this wouldn't happen for us."
"Oh God," he continued. "I'm feel delusional on top on all this. I didn't even want to do the tests!"
"Oh Chandler," Monica said, before softly kissing him. "I don't even know where to start."
With one hand in his chest, over his heart, she used her other hand to tilt his chin so he was looking at her.
"I love you. I want to have a baby with you. Only you. Not with a sperm donor and not with your random coworker."
Chandler breathed a laugh and covered his eyes in embarrassment.
"I'll talk to him tomorrow," he said.
"As far as manliness….?" she began. "You're strong and smart and I know you'll be a wonderful father. You are so good at taking care of me already." Monica paused. "And you know you're the best sex I've ever had - that's pretty damn manly if you ask me."
Chandler smiled goofily at his wife.
"You're right about one thing - we are gonna be ok," Monica said. "Me & you? We got this."
