Being with Jane was exhausting.

It wasn't Jane's relentless energy and eager mind that wore Maura out, although they did take up a lot of Maura's processing power. It wasn't her long, impatient stride and desire to participate in sports that bore such a toll.

It was the careless, casual touches. It was the way Jane looked at Maura like she'd found heaven and the way to get there, then closed her face like the pearly gates slamming closed. It was the softness of Jane's sleepy voice telling Maura she should go to bed, the strong arms lifting her, helping her from the couch to her bedroom, the hesitation from Jane before she fell onto the bed next to Maura, as though she'd considered for some reason not staying.

It was the way Jane looked at Maura's mouth, as if she was wondering if it was as soft as it looked, wondering if she could lean forward and find out before catching herself and looking away. It was the way Jane's eyes flicked down to Maura's chest, as though she'd seen something she liked, the force required to pull her eyes away visibly noticeable. It was the way Jane looked at Maura in the morning, when she thought Maura was still asleep. Jane looked at TJ like that, just TJ. And Maura. Like she thinks Maura's adorable, like she was something Jane instinctively wanted to protect, like she was something Jane loved.

It was exhausting, pretending that she didn't know. Because every time Maura caught Jane in one of these moments, Jane flinched, her jaw set as she looked away, as though she knew Maura was something she shouldn't want, something she couldn't have.

So Maura spent her time gently trying to assure Jane - without directly addressing it, because Jane would baulk and bolt if she did - that it was ok to be attracted to Maura, that it was ok to want Maura, that she could, if she stepped up and was brave enough to overcome all her years of conditioning, indeed have Maura.

And it was exhausting. Communicating was never Maura's strong suit; she always wanted to use her words and was always told she was blunt and abrasive. So it all had to be nonverbal. Little glances down to Jane's mouth. Little encouraging smiles when Jane peeked up after looking down at the edge of Maura's dress where it didn't quite meet her chest. Leaving her hands on Jane's back longer than she used to, not pulling away from hugs. Nuzzling her head against Jane's chest when they were watching a movie, claiming Jane's torso as a cushion. Telling Jane she sleeps in the nude in summer and inviting her over anyway. Everything Maura did now is calculated to reassure Jane that Maura would be open to any advances Jane made, but Jane still stared, still flinched, still turned away.

Perhaps Maura had drawn the wrong conclusion after all. The evidence appeared to be insurmountable, but Maura had never had someone hold out against her charms for so long.

So she escalated. She mentioned women she finds attractive, seeing Jane glare at Riley for the next week as though she'd like to shoot her. When they hugged, Maura held on for as long as she could, caressing Jane's back, before pulling away just far enough to look Jane in the eyes, noses brushing against each other, and then deliberately looking down at Jane's mouth, then back up, licking her lips, watching Jane follow the movement with her eyes. Watching Jane swallow and pull Maura back into her. Maura could feel Jane trembling, and each time it took longer for Jane to break her gaze, to look away.

So Maura escalated again. She left her Hitachi vibrator out - which lead to an informative discussion with Angela, which wasn't the point but was still useful, since everyone deserved orgasms. Jane blushed when she saw it, tucked it under a cushion.

"My shoulders have been sore," Maura said, pulling it back out and moving to press it against the tight muscles that had been bothering her. A façade, perhaps, but one with truth to it. All this tension between them had made her very tense.

"You don't need that, c'mere." Jane walked Maura over to the counter and stood behind her, using those strong, scarred hands to rub at the tightness in Maura's shoulders. Maura's shirt was irritating her skin though, so she took it off, heedless of Jane's blush. It was nothing Jane hadn't seen before, nothing Maura wasn't comfortable with Jane seeing. Jane's eyes were drawn down before she turned Maura around again, really digging into the knots. Maura made a low moan, one she could have choked back. Jane's hands moved down Maura's bare back, brushed over the bra strap, then hesitated.

"If you'd like me to take that off, we should go somewhere more private first. Your family is prone to - oh, hello Angela."

Angela was entirely nonplussed by a half dressed Maura being touched by Jane, who drew her hands back guiltily.

"Not in the kitchen, girls. It's not hygienic." Angela said, breezing past on her way to the front door.

"Now, where were we?" Maura asked, hoping Jane hadn't been scared off.

"Somewhere more private," Jane said numbly, still not touching Maura. "Maybe you should get a professional," Jane joked. "This is above my pay grade."

"I like it better when it's you." Maura turned on the stool to see Jane's beet red face. "Oh. Have I made you uncomfortable?" she asked, concerned.

"I... Maura, I'm exhausted. You keep... and I can't help but wonder... are you..." Jane wasn't able to finish her question, hanging her head. "I know you like to be admired, but I think what I'm doing goes beyond admiration," Jane admitted. "And it seems like you're... encouraging me to go beyond admiration."

"I have been," Maura conceded, not looking guilty or ashamed. "But you're the one with reservations, so I thought it was best if I let you come to terms with it for yourself."

"I'm not quite there yet," Jane said. "I still feel guilty. I still feel like it's... wrong."

"Okay," Maura said, nodding. "Does this feel wrong?" she asked, taking Jane's hand that had been on her shoulder, picking it up and placing it directly on the fabric of her bra. Jane's breath caught, and her pupils fluxed even as she kept eye contact with Maura. Jane's eyes closed, and when they opened they were filled with a fire and intensity that Maura had never seen before. The hand moved quickly, grabbing one of Maura's, pulling her to her feet and dragging her to the master bedroom.

Being with Jane was exhausting. She was insatiable, demanding and thorough, but Maura had never been so glad to be so tired.