Prologue
Wolf Gray
I woke up.
I was surrounded by absolute nothingness. Everywhere was pitch black. Dark. There was no light to be found.
Open your eyes, child.
I didn't know who the voice in my head was. Was it mine or someone else's? But I did as I was told anyway. And yet, I was still surrounded by an endless void of darkness. The only difference was that there was light. There were stars now. They radiated light, but didn't shine as bright as I ever thought they would.
I'm floating. I realized as I slowly drifted passed a star not too far away. I can move. I thought as I moved my fingers. Curious, I attempted to sit up.
I didn't take into account how weightless I was. The sudden movement sent me into a forward spiral. After a few minutes of trying to get myself together, I managed to stop. Though, I kept drifting even when I stood upright.
Hello, friend.
The voice echoed in my head. Surprised, I looked around. The mysterious person laughed softly.
Silly, child. You can not find or see me.
Despite their words, I couldn't help myself. My eyes traveled through the empty void full of stars. They were everywhere. Their voice was both so quiet, yet so loud. Both so far, but also so close.
I wonder if this is real.
I wonder as well.
There was nothing. I did not think anymore and the voice did not say anything.
I wonder… I began, drifting under a bright red star. Why am I here? Where is here? And is here even a place? I wonder…
You do wonder. The voice laughed. This place? It is a… Home, I guess You're home, to be specific. This home of yours is a place where you come to after you've experienced 'life' for the first time. As for myself, I am just a friend. Or a guide. Or I can be just company. I do not know what or who I am, but I know my purpose is to help you.
A question popped into my head when I processed this information, but when I opened my mouth to speak, nothing came out.
Poor child…The voice was full of pity. Unfortunately, you've lost your voice. I'm sorry, but I do not know if it is permanent or not.
Oh. That's okay. I have a question.
Speak your mind, child.
What happened? I don't… remember anything.
You are a sad child, indeed. The voice sighed. Before I answer that, I must help you remember who you are first. Although, I need a name. Would you mind giving me one?
I nodded. I repositioned myself into sitting. My legs and arms were crossed as my eyes traveled the void while I thought of a name. I want it to be unique and special. A name that'd I'd never forget. A name that has a meaning to me and me only.
Angel Nine. Ane for short.
Thank you, young one! Though, that is not enough for me to become… Someone. I am something with a name. I do not have a body that I can inhabit unless you think, or make one for me. Do you have any ideas?
Hmmmm…. I hummed as I thought. I spun around slowly. All around me were stars and darkness. That was all.
Be as creative as you want. It does not matter what I am made of.
After a few minutes of drifting, thinking, and consideration, I stood up suddenly. Which sent me spiraling forward once again. Ane laughed at me, but I did not mind.
Silly child! You must think before you do!
I let out a breath before I came to a stop. I was upside down until gravity seemed to shift and I had found myself… Not upside down.
Did the world just flip? I asked, confused.
I guess it did. Now, what am I?
Before my idea had the chance to slip away, I remembered it and as soon as I did, the closest stars around me started to come together. They all combined into a single blinding light. It was overwhelmingly bright, forcing me to look away.
"It took you a bit, but you got it!" The voice belonged to Ane, but it didn't sound like it was in my head anymore. When I turned towards the source of the voice, I saw them.
Angel Nine, Or Ane. They were an angelic-looking being that shined brighter than any other star in the void and they were ultimately beautiful. Their appearance had silenced me into shock. Their face was featureless. All they had was a mouth and long, white hair. I hadn't expected to actually see them or to think they'd be so beautiful.
This was not expected..
They laughed at my thought. I would smile if I could.
"I can see that! As a thanks for giving me a name and body, we shall find your name and ultimate desire."
I did not question the last part, but I was still curious nonetheless.
How will we do that?
"I'll give you a random memory that somehow relates to your name. And to do that-" Ninxe opened their arms. "-you gotta give me a hug!"
A hug?
"A hug!"
What is that?
Ninxe's bright mood seemed to dissipate at my question and their arms fell to their side. I did not know why. I believed it was best for me to not ask either.
"A hug, in my opinion, is a physical show of… Affection. Do you know what that is?"
I shook my head.
"Well, affection is… A happy feeling of warmth. Fondness, liking… It makes you feel important and loved."
A feeling had risen inside me. I didn't know what it was or why Ninxe's word had caused them. What I did know is that I want it. I want to feel love. I want to feel important. I don't know what it feels like, but I am eager to learn.
I want a hug.
Ninxe smiled at me. If I was anyone else, then I would've smiled back. And I want to smile back, but my mouth wouldn't move from its frown no matter my efforts.
"As you wish!" They gracefully approached me with their arms wide open and before I knew it I was trapped. Their arms curled around me and I was pressed against their body with no idea how to respond. "Relax, child. This is a hug."
I did as I was told. I relaxed. I let myself go.
"Now, just rest. Sleep for however long you want. And when you find your name, you can choose to stay or come back to me. It's up to you. For now, sleep well."
I didn't realize the serene feeling overwhelming me, but I didn't try to stop or fight it. Instead, I let my consciousness slip from me and let the feeling of tranquility take over.
I wonder what my name is…
I woke up.
This time, I was surrounded by children. I was at a playground. Parents and guardians sat on the benches under the trees, watching their child (or children) play amongst the other children. Said children ran around or outside the playground, yelling and calling names. Some were on the swings, talking to each other. While others were exploring the playground equipment or talking amongst themselves as they wandered. All in all, it seems like everyone was having fun.
Well, except that one.
There was one single boy who sat on a swing, not moving an inch. He observed, watching all the kids talk and play.
He looks familiar.
There was nothing special about the boy. Short and silky black hair, empty brown eyes that could be mistaken for black, and tan skin.
Why do I feel so… A strange, indescribable feeling had risen in me. Out of place?
I lifted my hands in front of me. I looked closely at my skin. It was the same color of the familiar boy from before. The only difference was that-
"Who are you?" The same boy from earlier stood in front of me. "Why are you just standing there?"
My hands fell to my side as I stared at the boy. I opened my mouth to speak, but I had forgotten I couldn't speak.
"Can you not speak? Are you mute?"
I nodded my head. Looking around, I had realized the scenery had changed. The blue sky was now black and full of white dots. All the children and parents were gone. Everything was silent.
This is unusually nostalgic. Have I been here before?
"Oh. Okay." The boy sat down on the sand. "Can you sit down with me? I want to talk to you."
I sat down, my legs in the position of a pretzel.
"What's your name, mister?" My shoulders shrugged. "You don't know? Did you lose your memories? Is that why you were here earlier?"
He asks a lot of questions. I was going to shake my head no until I realized that he was technically right. I nodded once again.
"Oh, so did you remember anything?"
I shook my head.
"Well, does this place feel familiar to you or something? Or someone?"
I lifted my head to the skies to think. The boy was familiar, unusually familiar. My body feels detached, like I was living in third person. Maybe this boy has something to do with my name. And maybe my "ultimate desire" thing Ane was talking about. In the end, I answered the boy's question with a thumbs up.
"Seems like we're getting somewhere. Okay. Do you remember who or what triggered that familiar feeling or something?" I pointed at him, which surprised him. "Me? I don't think we've ever met before. Plus, I'm good at remembering people and I have no memory of you. Maybe you're confusing me with someone else."
I shrugged my shoulders in response and pointed at him again. I mouthed the word "talk" and hoped he understood.
"Talk? About myself?" I nodded. "Sure. Uhm, I live with my mom. She disappears a lot though and sometimes she's gone for a long time. I don't think… Well, I know for a fact she doesn't like me or my very existence. It's the reason she avoids being home as much as people. To avoid me. She pretends I don't exist and 'forgets' to feed me sometimes. I wouldn't put it past her to try and 'accidentally' kill me. Uhm… I don't have any friends. It's not like I don't want any, it's just… I think everyone forgets I exist. The teachers notice me. As for everyone else, I'm pretty sure I'm invisible to them. Uh… I don't know what else to talk about."
We sat in silence for a bit. I contemplated what our next topic of conversation was while he stared at the sky, observing the stars.
An idea popped into my head. I hummed to catch his attention, which it did. I mouthed the word "name" and pointed to him.
"My name? I should've said that first. Okay. My name is Wolf Gray. Though Wolf is a weird name to call a kid, so my teachers usually call me Gray."
A strong feeling of familiarity washed over me and suddenly, everything clicked. I understand now.
I'm him. I'm Wolf Gray. That's who I am.
"Did you remember something? You spaced out for a few seconds." Younger me said. "Did I help?"
I nodded and little me seemed brightened and did the one thing I can't do. He smiled. I would've smiled back if I could.
"Okay then! Will you be going now?" He asked as I stood. He jumped up alongside me.
I nodded again.
"Okay! Bye bye, sir. I need to go as well, so I wish you luck on your journey to find your memories." My younger self said as he walked backwards. "Goodbye, sir. I really do hope we meet again."
I waved him goodbye as he left and soon disappeared from my sight. Now I was alone. I didn't like the blue feeling rising in me. It made me feel bad.
I wish I could smile.
I woke up.
I was back home. Weightlessly drifting in the endless void full of stars. This was home. My home.
But where's Ane? I thought. It wasn't complete without them. They kept me company after all and I didn't like the feeling of being alone.
They didn't leave me, did they?
"I'm here, I'm here. Do not panic." I didn't notice the feeling of anxiety rise inside me, but their voice washed it away.
Their voice was below me and I had realized that I was lying down. Remembering my past mistakes, I carefully leaned forward. In front of me was Ane. Outshining all the other stars with just their presence.
Did I really create this?
I questioned, doubting I could create such a beautiful being with just my mind. Ane laughed anyway.
"Of course you did! I'm here, aren't I? Nevermind that. How did it go?"
I really, really, wish I could smile. If I could, this would've been the perfect opportunity.
I remember my name. I got to talk to my younger self and learn a bit about my family.
"You got to talk to your past self? That's interesting. Do you know who you are?"
Wolf Gray. That's my name and who I am.
Ane's casual smile widened. She was happy, I think. People usually smile when they're happy, but I wouldn't know.
"Now, it's time to find what you desire the most. Wolf, or do you prefer Gray?"
It doesn't matter to me.
"Wolf it is! Anyway, Wolf, what do you want most?"
To smile. I want to know what it feels like to be happy.
My answer was instant. I knew I couldn't feel emotions as much as normal people could. When I saw all those kids having the times of their life, I couldn't help it. I was jealous. I wanted to have fun too. It's not fair. Why can't I have that?
"Then I will help you. I'll send you to a reality where you'll learn to smile. Where you'll find happiness. All you have to do is…" They opened their arms. "Give me a hug."
This time, I did not hesitate. I launched myself at her and she caught me. That comfortable feeling of peace overwhelmed me and I was sleep before I knew it.
"Sleep well, Wolf."
