Author's Note: Greetings to all of you lovely denizens of the internet, without whom there would not be too much point in uploading this fanfiction!

This chapter was supposed to be at least 1000 words shorter, but then Renge started going on tangents and throwing temper tantrums and I couldn't end the chapter.

I'd like to thank the 9 people who Favorited this story and the 22 people who are Following it. To the people that did both, I'm doubly thankful.

I would also like to give a special thank you to RedDistrict for adding this story to the community called The Almighty Self-insert - Reborn - Reincarnation - Rebirth that they founded. I hope that this story ends up as one of your favorite stories in your community!

I also noticed that you Favorited both The Weasel and His Cat and A Song for Them by Miss Nanami-chan. It's always fun to find someone who Favorited some of the same stories that you have. I recommend them to anyone that hasn't read them, especially A Song for Them.

I hope that everyone enjoys this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.


Date: October 11

Age of Renge and Naruto: 1 year, 1 day

One of the 'good' things about being Naruto's twin brother is that I don't have the option to not become a ninja. If I'm not a jinchūriki, then I'm the child of the Yellow Flash and only surviving Uzumaki that Konoha knew about. Konoha can't afford to lose that potential.

If I tried to not become a ninja, then Danzo might actually directly defy Hiruzen and kidnap me. Even if Hiruzen got me out of that situation, I would probably be forced into the Academy 'so that I could learn to defend myself' or something like that.

If I am a jinchūriki, then if Hiruzen has to have an ANBU take me to class, from class, and watch me in class, he would do so to train me. I wouldn't even be able to blame him for it. Well, I would actually, but I would still know that he would actually be in the right about that.

Either way, Naruto will want to become a ninja one way or another. He'll believe that it will be the only way for us to get a better life in Konoha, and he'll be right.

Since I don't have a choice in the matter, I don't need to worry about whether or not I can bring myself to kill others on behalf of a military dictatorship. I'll get sent to do it whether I like it or not, so I'll just have to get used to it with time like almost everyone else.

Now that I've established that I will become a ninja, I can start planning what I will do as one. Although I will admit that dessert is cooler than kunai.


Date: October 14

Age of Renge and Naruto: 1 year, 4 days

Alright then, my General Plan For The Plot Of Naruto™ has been completed. I don't have the ability to write it down right now, and even if I could write I don't have anything to write with or on. In order to remember my plan, I will mentally go over it soon after I wake up and right before I go to sleep every day. Might as well start now.

If Naruto gets boosted by Hagoromo, he'll become so far beyond me that unless I become the jinchūriki of the Ten-Tails he'll crush me like a dragon would an ant. Unless/until that happens however, I can always be powerful enough to protect him. I just need to cheat like crazy.

By the time of the Fourth Shinobi World War, I need to be a God of Shinobi. This will hopefully make me above Naruto's Kurama Sage mode and ensure that I can stay relevant unless Madara becomes the Ten-Tails jinchūriki.

In order to pull that off, I will need to master Chakra Chains, Sage Mode, the Flying Thunder God, and the Rinnegan, not necessarily in that order. If I am a/the jinchūriki of Kurama then I can skip the Rinnegan.

In order to accomplish all of this, I need to be seen as the same kind of prodigy as Kakashi and Itachi. This will require me to train to the point that I will be on par with students in their final year of the Academy, or Genin if I can manage it, by the time that I enter the Academy.

One good thing about being Naruto's twin is that I'm safe from Danzo and Orochimaru. Well, safe from Orochimaru until the Chunin exams at least. But he'll be too busy going after Sasuke and Hiruzen to deal with me unless I force myself in between him and one of them. I'll put Jiraiya in that spot when the time comes.

To reach this level, I'm going to need Gai. He won't discriminate against Naruto and I, he will be relatively easy to find, and he will provide the best physical ability-increasing training that I can ask for. I'm not sure how willing he will be to train me with how young I'll be when I ask him, but I'll think of how to convince him when I decide I'm ready to seek him out.

I'll start self-training sometime from when I'm 20-24 months old, and I'll seek out Gai at 3-4. Probably 4, but if I'm having trouble advancing by myself at 3 I'll seek him out early.

I'm going to start wearing weights once I enter the Academy. I'll need to be at least as fast as the Fourth Raikage in order to use the 'massacre army' level of the Flying Thunder God, and I need that level to take on Obito and/or Madara.

Since this is peace time, I don't know if early graduations will be allowed. If that happens, I'll use blatant favoritism to accomplish that. I'll plead with Hiruzen, bring up my knowledge of my parentage and Kurama, and generally do my best to be allowed to graduate early.

I doubt Kakashi will be my Genin teacher. He'll be too busy trying to kill himself in ANBU missions to teach Genin, let alone a reminder of most of the people that he lost. So long as they're not ROOT it doesn't matter too much who they are.

I need to start learning Sealing either while I'm in the Academy or while I'm a Genin. Any help I can get from Jiraiya, Kakashi, or notes left behind by Kushina and Minato will be very appreciated. Flying Thunder God is a seal and I'll need to be a Seal Master in order to use it.

Before I'm ten, I need to sign the Toad Contract. As tempting as it is to reverse summon myself into whatever animal fits me best, there's no guarantee that they would have Sage Mode or another super mode. I'll spend the time needed to master Sage Mode at some point before Deidara beats Gaara. It depends on when I have enough chakra for it.

I have no idea how I'll learn to use Chakra Chains. For that matter, I have no idea if males or half-Uzumaki can even use Chakra Chains. I'll try to find out after becoming a Genin, but before I'm ten.

The Rinnegan is going to be the tricky one. I need to combine Indra's and Asura's chakra in order to create it. Even so, it will take decades to awaken a pair and I don't have that kind of time. This is where Sealing comes in.

Madara took a mouthful of Hashirama cells and implanted them in his body. I'll try something more direct in the hope that I can get it to work faster. I'll drain chakra from Naruto and Sasuke into a pair of seals, mix the chakras, and then slowly send them to my eyes. Whenever I run low on their chakras, I'll drain some more from them.

I'll need to learn how the Chakra pathways work, and figure out if it's possible to transfer chakra directly into a body part. Once I'm sure that I can do it without destroying my eyes, I'll start stealing their chakra. If I can somehow make their chakra clone itself or regenerate inside the seals, then I won't need to drain them as often.

If I haven't awakened the Rinnegan by the time Nagato is killed, then I'll steal his right one and have my right eye replaced with it. I'll leave his left eye there because Obito will need it for the Ten-Tails, and world peace won't happen unless the Fourth War and Ten-Tails awakening does.

On a related note, I'll need to be able to use all five Nature Transformations by the time Deidara beats Gaara. I won't need to know a jutsu from all of them, I just remember reading somewhere that one of Deva Path's abilities can only be used by someone who can use all five nature transformations.

I will need to be a Jounin by the time I'm twelve. As much as I like Kakashi, I'll need to be the Jounin-sensei of Team 7 if I want to stop Sasuke from defecting. This will prevent half the present-day plot and ensure that I can keep draining his chakra to awaken the Rinnegan if I'm not a jinchūriki.

Poor Sasuke. Even when he's being helped by someone they're manipulating him. I can't even say awakening the Rinnegan is for his own good because at the end of the day, it's so I can continue being powerful enough to protect my little brother from enemies that he can't beat. That, and so I don't have to wring my hands uselessly while people far beyond my level duke it out.

I try to be honest with myself if no one else about why I do the things I do. Showing you all of this is one of the few times that I've been honest with someone else about these kinds of things.

I'll try to bring Karin to Konoha either during or right before the Chunin Exams. Her life sucks, and Naruto will love having another relative. She might also be able to help me with my sensing and Chakra Chains. I intend to have mastered both of them by the time I meet her, but it's always good to have a backup plan.

I'm siccing Jiraiya on Orochimaru during the Sand-Sound invasion. I'll tell him to keep a toad on Hiruzen and prepare Sage Mode on the day of the tournament. When Orochimaru sets up the barrier, Jiraiya and the two old toads can reverse-summon themselves to Hiruzen and they can kill Orochimaru until he stops coming back.

I'll have to make sure that Kabuto and the Sound Four all get killed during the invasion so that no one will resurrect Orochimaru after the fact.

Whether or not I've mastered the Flying Thunder God by the time the timeskip starts, I'll use reverse summoning to bring Team 7 to Suna once Gaara gets captured. Obito doesn't need all of Shukaku to awaken the Ten-Tails, and this way we can get there fast enough that Chiyo won't have to sacrifice herself to resurrect Gaara.

I don't know whether Hiruzen or Tsunade will be the Hokage at this time, but I'll make sure that the teams sent to hunt down Akatsuki are different from the ones in canon. Akatsuki is composed of S-class nin and they work in pairs, so every team that goes after a pair will need at least two S-class members. Unless Jiraiya, Itachi, or I are sent out, in which case 1 S-class member and some hidden backup will be sufficient.

I don't know if Itachi will be in Konoha at that point, but Sasuke will snap if he dies. Seeing as I want to keep Sasuke sane, I'll swallow my dislike of Itachi and find a way to reveal the truth to Sasuke and bring Itachi back before he dies from illness.

Danzo will have to permanently die in order to do that, but I'll start planning how to do that after I assess how powerful I am when Naruto is close to graduating.

I'll create my own version of the seal that Madara put on Obito so that if he doesn't return to being good after being beaten I can make him resurrect everyone that dies during the war anyway.

I'll leave a Shadow Clone with a seal that's meant to contain and/or kill Black Zetsu at the place where they hide the Daimyō. I'm not going to let him screw up the events of the war or go back into hiding to resurrect Kaguya long after my generation is dead.

Alright then, I've mentally said my General Plan For The Plot Of Naruto™ for the first time today. I'll repeat it to myself right before I go to sleep tonight like I'm Arya Stark if she was actually Varys.

I can't even say that that sounded better in my head because I did say it in my head. Meh, not like there are any Yamanaka focusing on me right now.


Date: January 19

Age of Renge and Naruto: 1 year, 3 months, 9 days

Even after all this time, I still instinctively expect to be wished a happy birthday on January 19. I find this very ironic considering that I never liked my birthday in the past. The date didn't bother me, it's just that even when I was a child I didn't like growing older. Birthdays are a sign of growing older, so I would always start my birthdays in a bad mood.

I'd cheer up later, but a part of me would still be upset.

This was the first January 19 that I was able to keep track of that wasn't my birthday. How ironic that it was only when it was no longer my birthday that I wished it still was.

Naruto tried to get me to play with our monkeys when we were put in the play area of the room. I scowled at the monkey that I'd claimed for myself and named Gohan, and wished that he was my old teddy bear.

"Those two almost look innocent like that" I heard one of our caretakers say.

"Almost" snorted another one as his red-black thickened.

I did not have the patience to deal with those close minded idiots on that day, but it wasn't like I could do anything to them. Naruto was holding Goten, so I hit Gohan with every bit of the miniscule strength that I could muster.

My monkey slid back, but he was still smiling happily. This did not help my temper.

I walked forward, hitting Gohan everytime I made it within arms reach of him. When he ended up against a wall, I grabbed him by the head and began slamming it against the wall, imagining that Obito's Tobi mask was what I was smashing into the wall.

A red-white feeling began to overtake the red-black that the caretakers looking at us had been feeling. It didn't feel very nice, but it felt leagues better than red-black did.

The caretaker that had been watching over the play area called the other caretakers over to her. They came slowly, and then all huddled and spoke too quietly for me to hear. They turned toward me occasionally, but then the red-white would increase and they would turn back to each other.

I sensed Naruto walk up behind me. He began to pat me on the head. Surprised, I turned to him. He smiled and patted me on the head with one hand while making Goten pat me on the head with his other hand.

"Ren!" He said cheerfully.

I always patted him on the head whenever he was crying. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew that I wasn't happy. He always got happy when I patted him on the head, so now he assumed it would make me happy.

He was wrong, but it did calm me down. I sat down and pulled Gohan away from the wall. Then a caretaker rushed in, picked us up, put us in our crib, and rushed away, feeling red-white the whole time.

For the rest of our time there, there would always be some red-white mixed in with the red-black whenever our caretakers looked at us. After seeing one jerk back so hard he nearly fell over when he caught me staring at him, I realized what red-white was.

Fear.

I had to admit, I definitely preferred it to hate.


Date: October 10

Age of Renge and Naruto: 2 years

Hiruzen returned on our second birthday. I had actually been looking forward to seeing him again, or rather, sensing him again. He might be only a shadow (no pun intended) of how he was in his prime, but a shadow of a God of Shinobi is still a Kage.

Since I intended to at least be on par with how he was in his prime, I wanted to get used to how Hiruzen felt. I intended to use him as a baseline for how strong I was, and how much stronger I needed to be.

A decade or so from now, he would be weakened to the point that using Shadow Clones in combat would be dangerous to him. I intended to memorize how he felt now so that I wouldn't use Hiruzen's weakest state in decades as my baseline for being Kage-level.

My sensing range had increased since the last time he was here. When he entered it, I tripped over my own feet and faceplanted into Gohan's stomach. Naruto giggled and did the same to Goten. I tried my best to memorize how Hiruzen felt, even if my head quickly started hurting from the effort of focusing on him.

When he entered the room, all of the other adults became silent. Once he reached Naruto and I, he bent down to look at us on a more even footing, smiling the entire time.

"Hello you two. I know you don't remember me, but I gave you those monkeys for your previous birthday." Hiruzen pointed at our monkeys as if hoping that that would help jog our memories.

Naruto presumably thought that Hiruzen wanted to know about our monkeys, because he tried to introduce him to them. "This Goten, this Gohan!"

Hiruzen blinked at Naruto, and I decided that the color that Hiruzen felt was confusion. You gave the monkeys to a pair of one year olds Hiruzen, their names would have been weird even if one of the one-year olds wasn't a reincarnated weeb.

Apparently realizing this, or at least the part about giving gifts to one year olds since I'm positive that he would have a very different reaction if he knew why I named them the way I did, he pushed down his confusion.

"I brought you two new presents," he said while reaching inside his bag. He brought out a pair of frog caps and a pair of frog wallets. I stared at the ones he handed to me, wondering if he was passing off Jiraiya's presents as his own. That, or maybe he was just going to give us presents based on the summons of people close to us for the next few years.

"I also have some good news for you two." I realized that Hiruzen was still talking and tried to pay attention.

"You two are too old to continue living in the hospital, so I will be moving you two to an," he said a word that I didn't understand. "I'm sure that the both of you will have plenty of fun there."

If we're being moved, then he must have said orphanage. Great. Is Mikoto our godmother and the Uchiha's aren't allowed to take care of us because Danzo, or did I just absorb that from all of the fanfiction that I used to read?

Hiruzen picked us up and carried us out of the room that had been Naruto's entire world until that point. Naruto seemed excited about being able to leave it, but I just hoped that he wouldn't get homesick later.

Leaving the hospital was not a fun experience for me. This was because literally the only people that didn't hate my little brother and I the moment they saw us were the people that were confused when they saw us instead. And several of those people switched to hating us after someone spoke to them.

I also realized that Naruto and I had been sheltered from something that I didn't realize that we had been sheltered from. We were in a hospital, and the baby room had apparently been placed near an emergency room in case of, well, an emergency. Hiruzen made sure that we couldn't see what was going on, but we could certainly hear the sounds of chaos and the screams and moans of pain.

On the bright side, I found out what colors pain, panic, and resignation are. That will be useful when I become a ninja, but right now I'm just thankful that I couldn't sense any of this from the baby room.

In case you're wondering, I do know what a nursery is. I just knew that babies are not supposed to be kept in a hospital nursery for two years, and Naruto and I were not the only babies that were there for that long.

I found out years later that while Kurama's rampage destroyed most of the orphanages in Konoha, the hospital was relatively unscathed. It was simpler to simply build a few additional rooms to hold all of the newly orphaned babies and have them raised there until new orphanages were built and not too overcrowded.

They were still overcrowded when Naruto and I were sent to one, but Hiruzen decided to have every child in the nurseries sent to an orphanage on their second birthday. This was because the amount of orphans was increasing from a variety of factors.

Ninja were being sent on more dangerous missions in order to maintain Konoha's strength, civilians that were dying from illnesses and injuries that the hospital couldn't spare the effort to treat, and crime was increasing because of the effects of Kurama's rampage and exacerbated by the repeated defunding of the police force.

If so many people weren't willing to adopt some of the orphans, mostly people who lost children due to either the attack or the aftereffects, it would have taken a decade before the overcrowding was reduced to a level where you could send babies to orphanages without them dying from unintentional neglect.

Danzo and Orochimaru probably 'helped' by kidnapping orphans as well. If any caretakers noticed, they might have even been relieved that there was one less child to take care of.

I don't know if this was the same way in canon, but if it was, it's even more surprising that Naruto managed to be loved by Konoha. He and I were the scapegoats that everyone directed their hatred onto unless enough Uchiha's were around, and feeling that hatred made me wonder how it could ever be possible for all of that red-black to turn into admiration.

In any case, I've gotten way off topic. At that point, I was just wondering what the actual name of the baby room was when we finally made it outside.

There were windows in the nursery that let sunlight onto the play area, and they were sometimes opened to give all the babies some fresh air. As a result, Naruto knew what sunlight and wind felt like. The bustling crowds and all of the new smells and noises that they brought with them were very new to my little brother however.

Naruto was looking around at everything, talking eagerly to the best of his ability. Hiruzen humored him by describing everything that Naruto pointed at. I was nowhere near as happy.

I had been an introvert in my previous life, and crowds had always made me uncomfortable. Sensing the crowds and the colors that they were feeling made me curl up into Hiruzen and focus on how he and Naruto felt in order to ground myself.

I don't know how long the walk took, but I was thankful when we made it to the orphanage. It was closer to the outskirts of Konoha, so there were a lot less people. It actually wasn't too far away from the Uchiha district.

The first thing I noticed after Hiruzen walked in through the open door was that the woman that I saw immediately was massaging her temples with her eyes closed. The second thing I noticed was the massive amount of hate that she felt when she looked at Naruto and I. The third thing that I noticed was that one of the ANBU from the hospital was in the ceiling.

"These are the twins that you were informed about," Hiruzen told the woman kindly.

"I will make sure to take care of them, Hokage-sama," she said while bowing deeply.

Hiruzen's color changed. "I will be leaving their usual guards here in case of any problems. They will stay out of sight of everyone in order to not disturb the manner in which you usually run this orphanage. If you require anything, they will inform me."

All of the lady's colors were replaced with red-white. "Un-understood Ho-Hokage-sama." She stammered out.

Hiruzen lowered us to the ground as I tried to understand what just happened. "This will be your home from now on. Behave yourselves and try to make friends okay?" He patted us on our heads.

"Yes!" Exclaimed Naruto happily.

Hiruzen smiled at us, and walked out.

I turned to the lady. She looked at us, her fear still as strong as it was a moment ago. She bent down, picked us up, and began to walk into another room.

I decided that I never gave Hiruzen enough credit. He might be an idiot, but he's not an idiot in the way that Rasa is. Maybe things won't be so bad here.


Chapter word count: 4185

Date uploaded: 11/04/2022

Authorship is rewriting Yeah, Kunai are cool but have you had dessert? under the title Let Them Eat Cake over at Ao3. She's only released one chapter of the rewrite, and that was over two years ago, so I still refer to the original story when I recommend her work.

On the off chance that she ever reads this, I look forward to reading the next chapter of Let Them Eat Cake!

Until next time!