Lightning cracked across the sky, casting a silver glow through the windows. Rain pattered against the shutters.
Marinette sat at her desk, head resting in the palm of her hand. A pale warm glow from the lamp illuminated the small area. Papers of half-drawn designs were spread across the surface.
She flinched as a clap of thunder roared through the sky. Her hand fell out from under her chin invariably causing her head to hit the desk, forcing her awake. Gently rubbing the sore spot on the side of her forehead, she looked around the room in a daze. Her eyes landed on the clock on her desk.
Shit!
Standing quickly scrambled up from her chair, she frantically grasped the back of it to keep from falling over.
She was more than fashionably late for their scheduled patrol - if you could scarcely call it that anymore.
She glanced out the window to see just how serious this storm was. Another clap of deafening thunder shook the window panes.
Perhaps this was not a very bright idea. But a little rain never hurt anyone.
"Marinette, I think it will be okay if you skip one night." Tikki tried to reason with her
"I can't do that to him," Marinette answered sternly. She hadn't missed a single Thursday night meeting in the past three months and there was no way she was stopping now.
She rushed furiously around her room collecting the few items she needed.
Blanket, check.
Raincoat and boots, check.
Thermos , will grab on the way out.
Once she was certain she had everything, Marinette shoved the blanket into her tote bag along with a pair of gloves - just in case.
"What if you went tomorrow instead?" Tikki suggested as she flew into Marinette's bag.
"We always go on Thursdays. And today is Thursday. We can't just go tomorrow." She said as slipped into the jacket.
Marinette cautiously opened the hatch door to her room as quietly as she could.
She descended the stairs and into the kitchen grabbing the thermos she had prepared beforehand.
Stepping out into the street, Marinette gasped as the cold November rain began to hit her. She grabbed the hood of her coat and ran to the Place des Vosges.
The puddles on the paved street glowed a soft golden from the street lights reflections.
She was almost thankful the street had long since been abandoned for the night.
As she arrived at the park, she could already feel the cold piercing through her clothes. An extra coat or blanket would have been nice, but it was too late to turn back.
She got as close to the statue as she could before gently tossing her bag onto the pedestal. Delicately she tipped-toed around the various items left by all the people mourning. Between flowers and stuffed cats, it was surprising that she managed not to trip. But after three months of performing this, she had memorized the steps as if it was a dance.
Marinette looked up at the bronze statue, the lightning reflecting off the wet bronze causing it to glow, lighting up the area around her.
Reaching up she gripped the stone. She could feel the cold rough texture cutting into her skin. With all the strength she could muster, she pulled herself up to the base of the statue.
"Sorry I am late, Chaton. I was busy working on a project for school." Marinette sighed as she rested her hand on Chat Noir's bronze hand.
She unfolded the blanket and strategically placed it in the center of the plinth. She took out the thermos she had brought and carefully poured a small cup of hot chocolate.
"I just can't seem to get it right." She started to explain all her different plans for the project. She knew he wouldn't say anything, but it didn't stop her from rambling.
she leaned against his cold metal arm and stared up at the sky. "No matter what I draw, it just feels wrong like a piece is missing. But I have no clue what that piece is. Any ideas?" She took a small sip of the warm drink.
It was nights similar tonight when she felt less anxious and isolated. This evening felt different, though. Maybe it was the rain? Or maybe she just wished it felt like before. But it would never be the same as before, nothing would be.
"I am going to take your silence as a no then." she groaned. Here she was speaking to the sculpture, attempting to hold it together.
Marinette was aware of how insane she looked. It is possible I am? That's what they say, right?
She saw what the Ladyblog and all the other news outlets said about her- or rather the anonymous girl who is always sitting in the hero's monument.
Does Ayla know it's me?
Everyone wondered who she was to them, was she Ladybug, or was she just a huge fan, maybe she is just delusional? Did she know what happened to Chat Noir, would Ladybug ever give out the Miraculous again? The questions were relentless, but no one ever dared to approach and interrogate her.
Marinette never comprehend why, but she didn't care.
How could she answer their questions, when there was no one left to answer hers?
"Why did you do it?" She thumped her head into the stone as she spoke each word.
The question constantly burned in the back of her mind. She had gone back and replayed every possible outcome in her mind.
If she could go back and do things differently, she would. She couldn't calculate the number of times Tikki had to talk her down from using the Rabbit Miraculous to go back and rewrite the past.
Ultimately, it would make her no different from Shadowmoth. She understood him in a way she thought she never would.
If the Cat Miraculous hadn't been destroyed with Chat, Marinette would have made that wish.
"Oh Chat, I don't know if I can do this without you." Marinette wrapped her arms around his."It's been three months since I last heard your voice - since I have last seen you. I miss you so much, Chaton." Her voice was laced with anger and pain.
Marinette leans further into the statue. Utilizing it as more than just physical support. She allowed herself to break down, letting whatever semblance of hope that had started begin to dwindle. It was like something had snapped in her that night. Whatever pieces of tape she had placed on her broken heart were washed away by the tsunami of despair.
After years of restraining every negative emotion she had felt at bay, she let them take her under tonight.
It didn't matter anymore Shadowmoth was gone.
Chat was gone! He was dead!
Just once she wished she could allow people in. Just enough to get them to comprehend what she was concealing behind her fake smile.
She wanted to scream - scream so loud that the whole world would recognize her pain.
But nothing mattered anymore, there was no point. There was absolutely no reason to continue.
Except for the one person, she made a promise to.
"M'lady, please even when I am gone you have to go on living, for me." Chat's voice echoed through her mind. She had made that promise to him right before he died.
It was a promise she couldn't violate.
"I promise, Chaton," Marinette choked out. The words almost burned in her throat. " I promise." She kept repeating the words over and over again till they stuck like a bandaid. Just because she made him this promise, doesn't mean she has to move on. She would be right there where he left her, unable to move from this spot. Where she would inevitably be; chasing the ghost of the person, she once loved.
