I'm currently on I-95 passing through Durian, the city the Albrights lived in, and incidentally the first American city I have ever been in. Obviously, I wasn't about to get off the freeway and do any sightseeing. I will not be stopping anywhere until I have crossed state lines into New York.
Entering Durian city limits brought back memories of the Albrights. I thought about Allen, he was a victim well before my arrival. Gunner had murdered his little sister Esther, and Tricia had covered it up. Allen was ignorant of this though and spent 4 years in a state of constant depression, never knowing what happened to his daughter. Poor Allen died never knowing what happened to Esther.
I feel awful about how I had manipulated his grief. He did not deserve anything that had happened to him.
I know this is incredibly hypocritical coming from me, but when I had found out that Tricia knew I wasn't Esther, I was incredibly disgusted by her and her son. Again, that's rich coming from me. They were actual psychopaths. They had both acted like I was just a crazy freak, and that they were so much better than me. The reality of the matter is that Gunner was a born monster, like my father, and Tricia was a narcissist.
Now I am screwed up, I'm not justifying myself in anyway, but I do not think I am a psychopath. A Psychopath is someone who was born without a soul, no emotions whatsoever. This is untrue for me; I don't kill just for the fun of it. All of my familicides and killing of innocents were in fact driven by emotions; those being intense sadness and my own insecurities. I feel incredibly remorseful for all the harm I have caused innocents right now; I don't think a psychopath would share such guilt. Honestly, I my 'craziness' really does stem from my life of constant abuse, trauma, and the inability to accept myself; I was a monster that was 'made'. That being said, a made monster like myself I feel is capable of recovery, and that is all I want to do. I just want to be better.
Gunner was born the way he was. His psychotic tendencies were not driven by trauma, but by something that had always been inside of him. Had he had reached adulthood, he would likely be involved in some sort of violent crime, whether it be rape, domestic abuse, or another murder.
Tricia on the other hand was a classic narcissist. She claimed she 'loved her daughter with all her heart' however she covered up her murder. She didn't cover up the death of Esther for the sake of protecting her son; she did it because it would make her look bad. She really only cared about her own self-image, never mind the fact Allen was suffering due to the fact of not knowing what had happened to his daughter.
I had the radio on, I was listening to all of the developments in the Coleman investigation.
... authorities now believe the suspect Leena Klammer may be still at large. Details about the mysterious Leena Klammer are still unknown, however, we do know she had escaped from an Estonian psychiatric hospital a few years ago. We'll keep you up to date as we get new details ...
As of right now, they had yet to find a body in the lake. They suspect me to still be alive. They know my real identity. It's only a matter of time before my involvement with Sullivans and Albrights come to light.
That reminded me just how much work I put into forging documents and removing my ties with the Albright family. The Sullivan family had thought they were adopting an Esther Ivanov from Russia. I remembered that I wanted to sever any connection I could have with Albright fire, in case someone went snooping around. I had neglected to do so after the Sullivan fire. Sister Abigail's investigation into my past were the consequences of that.
I continued to drive down I-95, leaving Durian city limits. I thought about what I wanted to do once I'm out of state. I wanted to contact Kate. I also wanted to contact Dr. Varava.
