"Are you sure that you're up for it today?" Gwen asked, worried for Peter after the rough night he'd had.
It took a while after he'd climbed through her window for him to fall back to sleep, and a lot of convincing that he wouldn't lose her too. Somewhere in between laying down together and the sleepy words that were exchanged, he had finally drifted off.
Despite the lack of sleep, Peter was already up and ready to start the day, even getting up before her just to bring her breakfast in bed. It was a sweet gesture and she absolutely adored how loving he could be, but her concern for his well being did not fade.
"Absolutely. Don't worry about me Gwen, I have had enough sleep and we've eaten so I won't be lacking any energy. I don't want you to miss out just because of me." He insisted.
Still not fully convinced, she sat down with a sigh in front of him, lifting his head so that he could look into her eyes and know that what she was saying was only the truth.
"Peter, I do worry about you. Now more than ever actually. You haven't been yourself since the clock tower and I know that what happened back there was traumatising for you… But you've got to let it go before it destroys you." She spoke as calmly as she could, despite not feeling calm at all.
"Look, I know these past couple of nights have been rough but it will get better." He said, his voice husk and dry.
Biting her lip, willing herself not to cry, she swallowed hard before even daring to try and speak again.
"Two rough nights is more than enough for me to be worried. I can barely think straight because I… I'm scared for you, and you know me. There isn't much that can scare me but this… This does and I can't-'' She began to explain but was unable to finish as she failed to keep her voice steady.
Her lower lip trembling, she could not stop the tears from falling as she tried to voice her concerns to him. She had not finished, but carrying on was painful. Despite this, she knew that she had to at least try and get through to him.
"I can't stand to see you suffering like this." She finished her sentence in a whisper.
Seeing her cry was a rare occurrence, there was not much on this earth that could upset a strong girl like Gwen Stacy and yet for some reason… He was one of the few things that could reduce her to tears. A fact that he hated.
"I'm not suffering…" He fibbed.
"Yes, you are. Don't tell me you're not, Peter because I can see that you are and it's killing me to watch just as much as it's killing you to go through." She cried.
The shock of hearing her pleading cries sent waves of guilt rushing through his body, the urge to comfort her was a strong one, yet he knew that the only thing that would calm her is for him to be completely honest with her rather than trying - and failing epically to hide his pain.
"Please don't cry… I can't stand to see you cry, especially not because of me." He pleaded.
"I'm afraid I don't know how to stop." She said through heavy breaths. "I'm so worried about you and I can't stop." She added, taking huge gasps of air.
Hearing her sound so broken up, something he hadn't witnessed with her before, it triggered his own unspoken emotions and before he realised it, he was on the brink of tears. Re-composing himself as much as he possibly could, he pulled her into him and held her as she continued to fall apart.
"I- I'm so sorry, Gwen… I don't want to cause you any kind of pain." He told her, his voice soft but high pitched from the held back cries.
"P- Please just tell me what else is up there in that head of yours." She begged, her voice muffled as a result of her face being buried in his chest.
Knowing that hiding his pain would only worsen hers, Peter knew that he had no choice but to speak up and aside from all the heartache it was causing, he owed Gwen an explanation for his erratic behaviour recently.
Rubbing his hand soothingly against her arm, he gently shuffled so that she was now leaning by her own strength and could see his face, he swallowed his nerves and readied himself to pour his heart out to her.
As he was about to begin, he opened his mouth and paused for a second before quickly closing it, unsure of where to begin. With a sigh, he tried again.
"You pretty much know the half of it. But there is more, a lot more. I'm just not sure where to start." He informed her.
"Kind of… Well why don't you start by confirming that what I know is true?" She suggested, slightly calmer than she had been a moment ago.
Her eyes now red rimmed and puffy from all the crying; full of concern too, he couldn't help but feel his own begin to sting as he thought about how messy the morning had become.
"I've said this a million times and you already know this but the truth is… I'm scared, Gwen." He admitted.
"Scared? Of what?" She questioned.
"Lots of things. The ones I love getting hurt, you getting hurt, losing you or even hurting you myself, something that I don't want to do, yet I know that if I carry on as I have been then I will end up hurting you."
"Peter, you're not going to hurt me. In fact, the only thing that is hurting me is seeing you this way." She informed him.
Closing her eyes as her head began to ache, her mind took her back to how things were before the clock tower and she found herself wishing that they could go back in time and change what had happened. She wasn't oblivious, she knew that it was that moment that had Peter so terrified.
"Can I tell you something?" He questioned, looking at her with his pleading eyes.
"Of course."
"It's something that I haven't told you yet. Something that you don't know about that wretched evening."
"Go on…" She prompted.
"Every time that I close my eyes, I always end up back in that clock tower and as much as I try to brush it off as just my imagination, I know that it isn't. I mean, yeah of course there are some things about it that my mind has altered." He said with a frown of frustration.
"Altered, what do you mean altered?" She quizzed, alarm bells ringing in her head.
"When those gears shifted, my web snapped and you began to fall… I dived after you, didn't even bother to stop and think. I caught you with a web but it was too late and by the time I got to you, you were already gone. Though what you don't know is that the things that were going through my head as you were falling." He continued.
Gwen didn't speak, instead she sat silently and patiently, waiting for him to continue and taking in every word of what he was trying to tell her. Part of her already knew that the kind of thing he was trying to say, but she did not want to interrupt because she feared that if she did then it would put him off of saying it.
"Everything we have built together, all of it flashed before my eyes and when you stopped falling and I got to you… Seeing you laying there, void of life with blood trickling from your nose… I felt something that I have never felt before in my entire life. Not when my uncle Ben died, not even when I found out what happened to my parents…" He spoke softly, not without a struggle to get his words out.
Still not speaking, Gwen nodded to let him know that she understood what he was saying and that it was okay to continue. She was anxious to hear the rest of what he had to say.
"It was the kind of pain that you just don't recover from. I felt a lot in that moment; anger, grief, despair and I just couldn't focus. It was as though the entire world was spinning and everything was plunged into darkness, at least in my eyes. I could barely speak, I couldn't think and I couldn't breathe. It felt like there was this huge boulder crushing my chest and in that hour between you falling from the clock tower and me taking you to Oscorp, I've never been so scared in my life." He finished.
Hearing him openly say it made her finally be able to understand his recent behaviour much more than she had before. Although his confession still made her worry, knowing the cause of it would make it easier for her to help him through it.
"I learned something that night. I learned that I can't lose you Gwen, not ever. If I lost you it would kill me." He added.
"Thank you for opening up to me…" She began, then paused before continuing. "Now that I fully understand you, I can try to help you. Though that night is another reason why I asked you to teach me, because if I can fight for myself then there is less chance that you will lose me. I mean there will be times when I might get hurt, but I will always recover." She stated, shuffling closer to him.
"Well… You being able to fight for yourself does give me a little peace of mind." He admitted.
"That's good… Promise me that from now on if there is anything on your mind that you will open up to me the way that I do with you." She requested.
"I promise, absolutely anything… And with making that promise, I should probably tell you one last thing."
"What is it?" She asked, her concern growing once again.
"It's about Harry…" He began.
