What defines a "good life"?

This was one question, out of many, that Tubbo didn't know the answer to.

It was one of those questions he thought about on late nights when his dad and his dad's boyfriend were home – arguing about shit Tubbo didn't bother knowing about.

Those nights, he would lock himself in his room.

Sitting beside his bed, Imagining everything he could do, if he didn't feel trapped in this life.

The life he trapped himself in.

Sometimes he would hear constant yelling, he would try to distract himself from what was happening in his apartment. By trying to watch videos on his phone or play loud music through his headphones.

A way to forget about his life for only a few moments.

And some nights, he would be alone. His dad – Schlatt, and his dad's boyfriend –Quackity, would go out, to god knows where.

Leaving Tubbo to make cheap microwave cup mac and cheese late at night not to starve.

Maybe taking a bottle out of his dad's alcohol stash. One drink didn't hurt anyone, right?

And on rare nights, which seemed to be getting more frequent, he would attempt to kill himself.

Sometimes he knew what he was trying to do, aware that he was fucked up. On other nights, he was drunk. Only barely able to wake himself up before he kicked the chair, or take too many pills.

His life was fucked up. That's what people would say to him if he told anybody about his home life.

But It wasn't as bad as some people's lives. People had worst than him, he shouldn't complain.

Tubbo had food, even if it was cheap and didn't taste good – sometimes making him sick, he wasn't starving.

The only times he wouldn't eat would be when Schlatt and Quackity would be having one of their heated arguments, he didn't want to be caught in the crossfire, which he never did, no matter how drunk Schlatt was.

He had a bed to sleep on, a nice mattress with green covers, and a comfortable pillow.

His room wasn't too decorated, it had some bee-themed posters, figures, and plushies plastered around his room from when he was younger.

He got things he wanted, not always, but most of the time as an 'apology' from Quackity for yelling. Followed along by a short speech on how "things will get better over time", and how "things are stressful right now." despite it being this way for years.

He never was abused. physically at least.

Schlatt wouldn't hurt him, and Quackity always wanted what was best for him.

Tubbo's life wasn't perfect, but it wasn't as bad as others.

Tubbo didn't have the trauma of hearing the sounds of loud arguing, and threats – to leave or sometimes hurt someone, while locking himself in his room.

Until Quackity would come to the door saying how everything was alright now, that he was fine –tears in his eyes, and a rasping voice after yelling for hours. But he still smiled when saying that.

Tubbo didn't cry to himself on hard nights. When the yelling wouldn't stop.

Okay. maybe he did. Maybe his life was a little, hard, sometimes.

He was fine, he was okay. Sure, Tubbo's family had problems, but that wasn't new.

Tubbo learned well at the age of 8. When Schlatt almost died of alcoholism. Riding with Quackity to the hospital, to see his father on a hospital bed, not understanding all of what's happening.

After that, hospitals seemed to be a theme that kept happening, it stopped only a few months ago.

Now, Tubbo is 16. He still doesn't understand all of his family issues or the reasons behind them. He didn't know if he wanted to understand it, was that so bad?

He didn't want to know.

What's the best way to never find out?

To kill yourself.

Tubbo knew it would be a problem for everyone.

His dad, Quackity, the people he would call 'friends'.

But he wouldn't be around to see it.

Tubbo would finally be, …free? No, not 'free', 'okay'? 'Alright'? He didn't know what he would be after death.

Tubbo started to drag the chair to his room.

He's done this same action so many times before but stopped before he'd done anything.

After, he would cry quietly to himself – despite no one being home.

This time, he wasn't going to do that.

He was going to do it this time. He already had a heartfelt note on his desk. It was something he rewrote every time he tried to attempt when he would fail – which was every time he tried, he would throw the note away.

He is going to kill himself.

Tubbo begged for answers he didn't want to know.

But still wished to figure out. All those times he asked 'why? Why my fucking life?', while knowing that he got a better life than most.

Tubbo was greedy and selfish. And he knew that.

He wanted more, a better life than what he had, one he didn't deserve.

Maybe he fucked up in his past life, and god was punishing him now.

He wanted to forget his life, and who he was.

Killing yourself is the perfect way to do that, isn't it?

Tubbo placed the chair in the right position, the same position.

He grabbed a noose from under his bed. It was worn out from prior attempts. He would have liked a newer, nicer noose to use when he was about to kill himself but he can't complain.

It will do what It's supposed to. It doesn't matter the conditions he will die in, in reality.

He's just dying. Tubbo can't be picky about how he dies.

Tubbo hung the rope from the ceiling. This was the only good thing about having a small apartment. Easier to hang rope.

Next, he made sure his goodbye note was on his desk. It was filled with a goodbye to Schlatt, who he didn't see much as a father. and Quackity, who didn't deserve to be in this mess with Schlatt and him.

It was also filled with Tubbo's thoughts. His story, as he thought of it as. Confessions.

Confessions to everything he has thought of people as. To everything, he has stolen. Every time he drank. Every time he thought about death. and questions that maybe if he knew the answers to he wouldn't be here. About to do this.

Tubbo looked around at his clean, organized room. It only looked like this when he attempted to do this. He didn't want Quackity having to spend hours packing his shit, because he couldn't clean his room before he died.

Tubbo breathed in. He stepped onto the chair.

Was he really about to do this? Is this the last time he'll see this hellhole of an apartment?

Tubbo exhaled, pulling the rope around his neck.

He felt himself start shaking.

Why was he so fucking scared? Damn it. He can't even kill himself properly!

It's not that hard. Just put the rope around the neck and kick the chair. Why can't he fucking do it?

Tubbo felt tears in his eyes. Partly because he's scared to die. And partly because, he can't do it. He can't kick the chair out from under himself. But he doesn't know why.

With the noose still around his neck, he sighs. Maybe a sigh of relief, or a sigh of disappointment. This is his 34th time. He can't fucking do it.

His body is still visibly shaking. Tubbo was about to get down from the chair, put the noose back, and hide the note. Maybe grab a drink of alcohol, and when Schlatt and Quackity came back, act like nothing ever happened.

He zoned out a bit while thinking of the rest of the day. While getting ready to get off the chair, Tubbo slips.

Causing the chair to fall out below him, the noose was still draped around his neck.

The moment felt strange. It was fast, like a flash of light. Yet also felt like forever.

Is this what death is? This moment, feeling? Tubbo questioned. It's nice, but it fucking hurts.

Another question to go on the bucket list for never being answered, or at least that Tubbo knew of.

When Tubbo 'woke up' – if ghosts can wake up and fall asleep. He was in his room, confused. Then, he saw his body, hanging from the noose.

A lifeless, body. His lifeless body is not like a dead body from a game or show.

It didn't feel like his, he was looking at it as if he was watching it from a third-person viewpoint, which he kind of was.

It made him sick. Seeing himself like that, he wanted to vomit. But he couldn't, he was a ghost.

He killed himself, now he's still in his room. Still feels like he did moments before he died.

Why the fuck was he still here?

That night, Tubbo saw Quackity come back. Schlatt was probably still out, drinking or picking fights with other drunk people.

Tubbo tried to show himself to Quackity.

"Quackity!" Tubbo yelled as the other puts his bag down, "it– It's me, Tubbo! I- I died! But- but I didn't mean to! Quackity!"

Quackity didn't hear his calls. "Please! I– Quackity!" he continued to yell as the latter started towards his room.

Knocking twice before calling out. "Tubbo? Did you eat yet?"

After a moment with no answer, no sounds at all coming from the room.

Quackity started to open the door, "are you asleep? I–". He stared at the body hanging.

Tubbo watched him get his body down from the noose, then pulled out his phone and called 911 before calling Schlatt.

Quackity held Tubbo's body in his arms the whole time. Crying while trying to explain everything to Schlatt. And Tubbo only watched from the doorway, unknown to the other.

He couldn't do anything.

Those few minutes watching Quackity breakdown.

Watching him try to pull himself together while calling Schlatt.

Hearing Schlatt's voice over the phone.

The sirens from outside.

And he was just watching it all unfold.

A few days later, Tubbo watched as Quackity came into his room to start packing his things.

He was slightly glad that he organized everything in his room to make it easier to pack.

Quackity looked broken. His eyes were red and puffy like he was crying for hours on end.

And Tubbo watched him cry, still trying to talk to him before giving up.

It hurt Tubbo to know that he made the man who had always been there for him cry like that.

Quackity was – had always been there for Tubbo.

Quackity was like a light in the darkness to Tubbo.

He stayed with Schlatt mostly for Tubbo. He gave up a lot of things just to make sure Tubbo was okay.

He doesn't deserve this.

He was always there, even in the darkest moments of both Schlatt's and Tubbo's lives.

A beckon that things would get better.

They never did. But Quackity didn't give up that hope. Now, after Tubbo's death, he did.

A few months after Tubbo killed himself, Schlatt and Quackity moved out.

Tubbo tried to leave the apartment building but couldn't. He cried out while they were leaving, asking not to be left alone. Begging to have someone there for him, but no one heard him and his cries.

He found he could roam the whole apartment including the roof, but couldn't leave past the front door.

Tubbo snuck into other restraint's apartments to not be too bored. He also figured out that he can walk through walls, push or hold objects, and reveal himself.

The thing about revealing himself is that people usually tend to freak out and scream. Then sounds crazy when trying to explain to people.

Tubbo concluded that he shouldn't reveal himself to random people, he could cause an unwanted commotion.

He would pull some harmless pranks on unlucky people some days. How else was he supposed to not be bored? There's only so much you can do as a lonely ghost.

Thanks to the news of a kid committing suicide in his apartment no one moved in. Why would they want to move into an apartment where a kid died in?

No one. And if they did move in without hearing the news?

Tubbo would do all in his power to make them leave. Nothing bad, just some pranks to scare them. After a few incidents, people started saying that there was a ghost haunting the apartment.

Which wasn't wrong. Tubbo was haunting the apartment.

Sometimes teenagers – and some adults would visit the apartment to try and record the apartment being haunted by a ghost kid.

Tubbo found those types of people annoying. Most of the time he wouldn't do anything so they looked stupid staying the night only to find nothing.

Other times, Tubbo would switch the lights on and off and push some things off the counter to scare them.

It was always funny to see the look on their faces when the sound of a vase falling was heard. And the screams that came when he flicked the light switch a few times.

Tubbo laughed at them, but after they left it was boring again. It reminds Tubbo that, he was alone. Alive and dead, he was alone.

Looking over the city from the roof of the apartment complex, Tubbo sighed. "The city changed so much in only two years! And I can't even go down and see it! This is so unfair."

He was right, the city had changed in the two years he was dead.

New buildings, trends, and way more people. Tubbo wished that he could go and explore the city. When he was alive he locked himself in, only hanging out with 'friends' at school but never bothering to talk to them after.

Now, he's disappointed in himself for not going out more. Thinking about it, he missed out on so many things, blaming it on his home life.

Schlatt wouldn't have cared if he went out, he might have not even noticed.

Quackity would have been worried about letting Tubbo go out since he cared so much for Tubbo and only wanted him to be safe. But he would be glad Tubbo was hanging out with friends and having fun.

Thinking about Schlatt and Quackity made two years seem so long ago.

Tubbo wondered how they were doing. We're they still together? How we're they holding up with his death?

Amidst Tubbo's thoughts about his family, he saw two boys approaching the apartment complex.

One boy had blonde hair, a red and white T-shirt, and a bandage on his face. Tubbo could almost hear him talking to the other despite being five floors high.

The latter was taller than the first, had light brown hair, wearing a mask and glasses.

Tubbo raised an eyebrow at the two.

"There are no empty apartments right now, except…" he paused, "...my apartment?"

Tubbo was honestly surprised when he went down and saw the two opening his apartment door. Not many people tried to move in after the first few months.

"I thought people stopped moving into here after I scared like three families off!"

Tubbo said, going through the door to come into the apartment after the tall guy shut the door.

He pouted as he watched them talk.

"This place isn't too bad! See? It's fine Boo, no ghosts."

The blonde patted the taller one's back, causing the latter to jump.

He groaned, "Tommy, we just got in here. There can still be a ghost!"

"But there's not. It's just all rumors. Do you believe in those videos Ranboo?"

Tommy said as he unzipped his suitcase. "There's nothing to be afraid of, if there are ghosts, big man Tommy will beat the shit out of them!"

Tubbo laughed at Tommy when he did a gesture of trying to flex his arms.

Ranboo scoffed at him, "Thanks, I feel so much safer now." he said sarcastically, causing Tubbo to snicker.

Maybe Tubbo will keep them around for a bit before scaring them off.

It can be fun to mess with them.

"What room do you want?" Tommy asked, picking up his clothes from his suitcase.

Ranboo pulled his backpack up, making sure it wasn't going to fall off his shoulder.

"Um, I don't really care. It doesn't matter, does it?"

"I guess not. Fine, I'll take that room." Tommy pointed to the bigger of the two rooms, the one Schlatt and Quackity used to share. "You can have the smaller room!" he smirked at Ranboo.

"Okay? Sure, yeah I'll have the smaller room."

"Good, a big man like me needs a big room," Tommy said, satisfied, before turning towards the room and throwing his stuff inside.

Ranboo raised an eyebrow, "are you gonna, like, unpack?"

"Nah, we just got here! We should do something fun, not sit here and unpack. We have tons of time to do that!"

Tubbo scoffed, he sat cross-legged while floating, "What is there to do here? This place is pretty boring." he knew Tommy couldn't hear him at that moment, but still said it like he was talking to Tommy.

"Like what?" Ranboo questioned, thinking the same thing as Tubbo.

Tommy thought for a moment, putting a finger to his chin. After a few seconds passed, Tommy's eyes sparkled. He turned to Ranboo.

"We can be like those ghost-busters bitches! You're scared–"

"–I'm not scared!"

"You are not scared of the rumored ghost boy, but if we prove that there's no ghost then you'll be able to stay here without being scared–" ahem, "totally not scared!"

Ranboo squinted at him, trying to comprehend his words.

"That sounds like a horrible Idea."

"No, it's not! We can ask people from other apartments, they must know something about the ghost kid right? Come on! It'll be fun!"

"No."

Tubbo snickered at Ranboo's unchanged answer.

He already likes this guy.

Tommy grunted, "I'll kill you in your sleep bitch!"

"Fine…" Ranboo dragged out the 'e', Tubbo couldn't tell if he was excited or hated all his life decisions.

"Yes!" Tommy put his hand into a fist and did the gesture you do when you just won something.

Tubbo, for once in a good while, was excited to see where this will go.

It was like watching a mystery show, but you are the mystery. Even though Tubbo knew how he died –since he killed himself, and that he was the 'ghost kid' that 'haunted' the apartment.

This is going to be fun. He thought the two boys were entertaining.

And he wanted to watch them try and figure out his past – or at least as much of his past as people know.