Genshin Impact characters, settings, and ideas do not belong to me but to MiHoYo/Hoyoverse.


Warnings: The Fond Farewell archon quest spoilers, canonical Cataclysm lore spoilers, canon-typical violence, traumatized turned homicidal Zhongli, Xiangling's cooking, Childe-ish antics, language


Second Childhood

By Taliya


Note: All humans—including those masquerading as human—have been given surnames if they do not canonically already have them, so our lovely Morax's human name is Shen Zhongli. I will also use Mandarin suffixes and titles if they were used in the game. You have my anal retentiveness to thank for that.


Morax awoke in the same manner as he had for the last several thousand years—by rising with the sun. He sat up and stretched, disregarding how his blankets slid off his chest to pool on his lap. When he blinked his eyes open, he blearily noticed that the world looked a little—off. Shrugging it off as sleepiness due to a particularly restless night, he slid out of his bed, absently noticing how oddly different it felt to land on the bamboo floorboards. Again, his home seemed somewhat distorted from his point of view.

Tea, he thought blearily, I need tea.

The disguised Geo Archon shuffled into the bathroom, his legs feeling oddly breezy as he did so, and paused at the threshold, squinting at how suddenly tall the counter holding the wash basin seemed to have become.

"What in Teyvat's name…?" he mumbled as he drowsily rolled up his sleeves.

He glanced down to stare at his hands, and all traces of sleepiness vanished as he gazed upon hands that were not his normal adult-sized hands, but chubby child-sized hands. They were definitely his, for the nails were not the soft, transparent ones of a human's but the sturdy, brown-black ones identical to the claws in his dragon form, filed down to rounded bluntness. The creases of the palms were the same as his, and he even retained the scar on his right thumb from the time he had nearly sliced the digit off when he had been learning how to handle shuriken for fun several years ago. But the biggest indicator had to be the dark brown of his skin, the color reminiscent of his draconic hide.

He stared, taking several long moments to comprehend what exactly he was looking at before he slowly rotated them to gaze upon the backsides. Lines of gold indicating his affinity with the Geo element glowed in symmetrical, geometric patterns on the backs and up his forearms, where they disappeared beneath his sleeves. He rotated them back to view his palms, wiggled his fingers, and blinked some more in incredulity. It was also then that he realized his pajama bottoms were not on him, and a baffled glance over his shoulder revealed the missing clothing in a scraggly, forlorn pile near his bed.

His mind swiftly ran through every event that had happened the previous evening before he had gone to sleep. Work with Director Hu Tao had been normal, if annoying. Afterwards, he had been badgered by an insistent Mao Xiangling into going to the Wanmin Restaurant to taste-test her latest creation. He had agreed on the condition that if it contained seafood, then that seafood had to be rendered unrecognizable as seafood. And true to her word, Xiangling had delivered—though he was actually not sure what exactly had gone into the dish, including the possibly aforementioned seafood. He had initially felt fine going home afterwards, but a moderate stomachache had settled in by the time he was ready for bed. Morax had drunk a cup of ginger tea to soothe his stomach before going to sleep, slept somewhat badly, and had woken up… tiny?

His gaze once again went to the wash basin counter, and he scowled at the fact that he could no longer even see over the countertop. Mood thoroughly soured, he stalked to his living room to fetch a chair so that he could wash his face as he pondered what exactly could have caused his current condition. Had Xiangling inadvertently poisoned him? Honestly, given the rather questionable ingredients she liked to experiment with, it was a distinct possibility. Considering that he had suffered a stomachache the previous night—that in itself was a rarity since few things were potent enough to cause him discomfort in the first place as an immortal, ageless being—it was distinctly possible she had accidentally poisoned him. I suppose a lesser being would have outright died, he thought as he climbed onto his chair and splashed his face with water.

After washing his face, Morax leaned on the countertop and stared at the dripping face that gazed back at him in the mirror. Wide, amber eyes set in a cherubic face framed by long, unruly black hair warily studied him. He leaned almost nose-to-nose with the mirror, taking in the way the red coloration around his eyes were muted in comparison to his adult form—the color was entirely natural for his species of dragon, and only grew more vibrant with time. Huffing, he dried his face off and dutifully attacked his hair with a set of comb and brush, taming it into his usual smooth, low ponytail.

Once done with his morning ablutions, he marched to his wardrobe, the hem of his nightshirt just brushing the floor, and tugged the doors open. It irritated him that he needed to tilt his head up to scowl viciously at where his clothes hung. Everything was fitted for his adult form, meaning everything he owned was too big for him as he was now. He bared his teeth and snarled in frustration, the low, menacing rumble he was normally capable of now an inoffensive dragonet's squeak.

Morax froze, eyes widening as a new thought popped into his mind. If he was to transform into his true form at this very moment… was he going to be the size of a hatchling?

Think about that later, he thought, and forcefully pushed the idea away. There are more important and immediate things to think about… such as what am I going to wear?!

Considering there was absolutely no way anything he owned was going to fit, Morax decided it would be prudent to request aid. But who to call? In his current form, there were few who knew that the human Shen Zhongli was actually Morax, the Geo Archon more widely known as Rex Lapis. The adepti knew, but it would be quite odd for any of them to visit the home of a supposedly no-name human. That, and neither Moon Carver, Cloud Retainer, nor Mountain Shaper likely even knew how to blend in with humans anymore, considering it had been millennia since he had last seen them take on human forms. There was the possibility of Streetward Rambler—who actually had a human form—but as she was also trying to blend into Liyue society, it was probably better not to call attention to the both of them. Tang Yanfei's father, Lightning Breather, was meditating inside Qingyun Peak and had been for the past few decades…

… which left Xiao. As the only adeptus with Anemo capabilities, the yaksha had the ability to teleport as a result. Despite his reticence towards human society, Xiao could, if needed, walk openly down the streets of Liyue Harbor and hardly garner a second glance. He would likely be the most able one to purchase suitable clothing for him.

Turning to face the open space of his bedroom, he mentally prepared himself to meet the child he had once saved. "Xiao," he quietly called, infusing his summons with his own Geo element as a means of identifying himself to the yaksha, "I have need of you."

Xiao instantly appeared before him in a quiet gust of wind. His normally bland expression faintly creased into a frown as he glanced about, searching for the one who had summoned him.

"Down here," Morax commanded, and Xiao immediately angled his gaze towards his voice, the adeptus' gold eyes widening upon seeing the god who had freed him from enslavement.

"… Morax-daren…?" he blurted out, the perplexity in his voice now rivaling his equally baffled expression. "What happened?"

The Geo Archon huffed. "I was accidentally poisoned," he said flatly.

Morax watched as the figurative cogs in Xiao's brain churned. "I… see…" The yaksha had a few more moments of contemplative confusion before he visibly shook himself, cleared his throat, and straightened both expression and posture professionally. "What is your request?" he asked as he dipped his head reverentially.

The diminutive god clenched both jaw and fists before taking a deep, measured breath with closed eyes. I barely surpass his waist in height. He exhaled slowly, opening his eyes to gaze up at his most loyal friend. "I require clothes," he stated before gesturing to the wardrobe behind him, "as what I have no longer fits." The last three words were spoken with a ridiculous sounding juvenile grumble.

Xiao's lips twitched ever so slightly, and Morax immediately knew that the other man was valiantly suppressing the urge to laugh.

"If you actually laugh aloud, I will eat you," the tiny deity threatened.

"I would never," Xiao instantly replied, mien immediately smoothed over as he once more bowed his head in deference. The yaksha eyed him, mentally taking his measurements before he nodded to himself. "I will procure suitable clothing for you," he murmured, and with another nod of acknowledgement that Morax returned, he left the apartment through the front door.

Morax sighed. "Now that that's done…" The miniaturized god masquerading as a mortal dragged the chair from the bathroom to the kitchen, where he made himself a simple breakfast of fresh crullers, warm unsweetened soymilk, and a small pot of jasmine-infused green tea. Based on the angle of the sunlight creeping through his window, he was assuredly late for work. As he finished off the last of his tea, he contemplated how to explain his situation to his employer. Certainly, his lack of stature alone would back his story, but even so, it was rather farfetched.

He was in the process of washing his dishes when Xiao returned. "I hope they fit," he murmured as he handed over a cloth-wrapped package. Morax accepted it and shuffled into the bedroom, nearly tripping on the hem of his nightshirt in his eagerness for properly sized clothing. The Geo Archon had to admit that Xiao had a good eye; the clothes fit well enough, and the color scheme was not overly flamboyant. The trousers were a dusty brown, while the top was a complementary wheaten gold. The yaksha had even managed to find a pair of brown leather gloves that fit decently well. The overall outfit was much plainer than anything he had worn in literal ages, but considering the suddenness of his situation, Morax was not about to complain. He exited the room after folding his shirt and draping it over the footboard of his bed. The hem had been dragged all over the floor, and so it would require a washing before he could wear it to sleep again.

Xiao leaned on a wall in the sitting room, arms casually crossed over his chest. His gaze snapped towards Morax at the sound of the door opening, and he straightened. "Do they fit well?"

"Well enough," Morax replied as he fiddled with a cuff. He sighed. "I suppose I should get going to work."

"Would you like me to escort you?" the yaksha offered.

Morax glanced at Xiao in confusion. "Why would you need to do that?"

"Um…" Xiao fumbled for an answer before he said hesitantly, "… because of your current… size…?"

The Geo Archon blinked in realization. "Oh…" At his height, he was liable to be mistaken for a child, and children at this time of day were required by law to attend school. For him to wander about without a so-called "guardian" would probably result in him being sent off to some local classroom. But having to need to be escorted… Morax felt an eyelid inadvertently twitch.

"I can be discrete, if that is what you'd prefer," the other man offered, clearly trying his best to appease the god.

The Geo Archon sighed heavily. "That will do," he conceded.

Xiao nodded. "I'll be within easy reach should you be in danger."

"Why would I be in danger?" the god argued, "I have a weapon I can…" He trailed off.

Was it even possible for him to wield Vortex Vanquisher in his current state?

Suddenly worried, he summoned the weapon. It materialized as easily as it always had in his hand, but the moment the magic used to summon the weapon dispersed, Morax nearly fell over, surprised by the polearm's weight. As it was, it took him a considerable amount of strength to hold it off the ground, and that was only if he held it horizontally. The damn spear had not resized itself to his current size, and therefore remained the length and heft it normally was for his adult height.

Morax vanished the bronze and gold spear with a flick of his hand and a distinct scowl upon his face as he glared at the bamboo slats that made up the floor, his overall aggravation at his circumstances ever building. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Xiao shift uneasily, avian senses no doubt alarmed by the dragon's growing irritation. "It appears I will require an escort," he announced to the room at large, "though I would like it to not be so obvious."

Xiao silently bowed and disappeared with a rustle of wind. "Also, please consider taking off your earring…" Xiao's voice sighed as the last vestiges of the breeze that he had generated died off.

My earring…? He reached up, fingers tracing the sole earring that he wore. Thinking on the children that he had seen about Liyue Harbor, Morax realized that Xiao's seemingly offhand comment might not have been so offhand after all. Few were the children he had observed who wore earrings—or any jewelry, for that matter. He sighed again as he slid the hook from the piercing in his earlobe, palming the accessory and studying it.

It was a longish piece of jewelry, with a multi-faceted, pyramidal piece of black Vitreous Obsidian at the top, a rounded orb of gold Cor Lapis at its the center, and slender tassel of silver fur completing it at the bottom. The tassel's material had come from Zheng, a young silver fox he had rescued prior to becoming Rex Lapis—one who had later grown up to become a junior adeptus named Wind Dancer. Morax had treated her like he might have had he a younger sister, doting on and protecting her despite her insistence that she was old enough to stand on her own. She had perished, however, in one the of the first major battles that had ignited the Archon War, and he had mercilessly slaughtered her killer in vengeful retribution. She had given him her fur as a gift in return for saving her life when she had been but a mere kit, and the accessory had only become all the more precious once she had passed.

He carefully placed the earring on his nightstand and picked up the Geo Vision he had forgotten when he had changed outfits. The Vision felt much larger in his child-sized hand, and he glanced down at himself as he pondered how to attach it to his person. Realistically, Morax had no need to carry a Vision of his own element, considering the way the elemental magic was infused into every fiber of his being. The only reason he did so was to maintain the image of Shen Zhongli the human, since humans required Visions in order to access the power of the elements.

Do children who appear to be my age even have Visions? And how old do I look right now? He used the belt from his trousers to tie the Vision to his waist. Dragging the chair from the kitchen back into the bathroom, he climbed on it to once again study his face in the mirror and frowned at his reflection. Five or six, if I had to take a guess at human age, he thought as he poked at a significantly more rounded cheek. I suppose most people I've granted Visions to were fourteen or so, though Li Qiqi was eight when she died and she already had a Vision—so no flashing it around unless I want myself marked as "extraordinary." He reached down and tucked the dangling Geo Vision into the waistband of his pants to hide it from curious eyes. It would help explain his Geo affinity should the need arise for him to protect himself.

"Guess it's time to face the director," he muttered. He hopped off the chair after giving himself a last once over in the mirror and left his apartment.

Liyue Harbor from his new height was certainly different. The change in perspective was honestly somewhat startling, and Shen Zhongli received many curious stares as the working adults wondered why a stray child walked within their midst. Still, he made it to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor without being accosted. The knowledge that Xiao had been hidden somewhere watching his back had been more reassuring that he wanted to admit. He nonchalantly strolled past a bewildered Ferrylady at the front door and stepped into the building proper.

Director Hu Tao sat at her desk quill scratching away as she copied something from a book into the notebook she had titled, "Rituals". "Shen Zhongli, you're late," she called out, not bothering to glance up from her work.

"There were some unforeseen circumstances that needed to be dealt with," he answered as he made a beeline for his desk.

Tao stilled, for the sound of nib against paper ceased the moment he had begun speaking. Zhongli ignored her reaction—no doubt to his changed voice—pulled his chair back from his desk, and scowled at the height of the seat before he clambered into it. He sat up and glanced over at his employer, who was now openly gaping at his diminutive appearance.

"You…" She stopped, clearly still processing what she was seeing. "Zhongli…? Is that… you?"

He huffed and turned his gaze down to his desk, kicking off his shoes to kneel on the seat cushion so that he would be tall enough to oversee the desk surface. He began sorting through the mail that had been delivered that morning. "Yes, it is," he replied as he separated the envelopes into separate stacks.

"You're…" The funeral director struggled to find a words to aptly describe her thoughts. "… little."

Zhongli paused long enough in reading the sender's name and address on the envelope in his hand to eye her through his lashes. "Thank you for that astute observation, Director," he said with a touch of asperity before he returned his attention to the letter. "Please blink before I am forced to douse your face in water in order to rehydrate your eyeballs."

The Pyro Vision wielder blinked several times at his threat and made a face at him. "Rude!" she pouted.

The miniaturized adult sighed in response. "I'm merely stating what I would be forced to do should you start complaining of dry eyes," he pointed out.

"But how did you get this way?" she asked as she got up and walked up to him. "You look like you've been de-aged, not just shrunk."

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly, watching her approach with wary eyes.

She leaned in to examine his closely before poking a finger repeatedly into his cheek, testing his flesh. "It doesn't seem like external stimuli hurts you." Tao twisted to study him from behind—though what was so interesting about his hair, he had no idea. He felt her prod the back of his head.

The Geo Vision wielder clenched his jaw. "Please, stop," he insisted as he felt an eyelid twitch in irritation.

"But you're so cute!" she exclaimed, and punctuated her statement by wrapping arms around his shoulders and waist—pinning his arms in the process—and bodily lifting him off the chair to crazily twirl around several times. She thankfully stopped her spinning, but maintained her grip on him so that he dangled in the air, pressed against her front.

I do not bite my employers. I do not bite my employers. I do not bite my employers. The sentence was repeated like a mantra in his head as he tamped down on his temper at literally being manhandled. "Tao," he growled through gritted teeth, and it was near thing keeping a draconic rumble out of his voice, "Put. Me. Down."

The funeral parlor director set him down on his feet. "Fine," she relented, dragging the word out as she ruffled his hair. "You're such a stick in the mud, though."

Zhongli moodily combed his mussed hair with his fingers before heaving a deep sigh. "I don't think I'll be able to work like this," he admitted. "No one is going to believe who I am, looking like this."

Tao tapped a thoughtful finger on her chin. "No kidding. You look like your own son, if you had one." She suddenly grinned, a mischievous glint in her eye. "You'll make the ladies wonder who was able to snag Liyue's most eligible bachelor," she cackled with impish delight.

"Tao," he chided, his nose wrinkling delicately with disgust, "that is not polite conversation."

"Oh, please," the funeral parlor director retorted as she returned to her own desk, "we deal with and talk about the dead every day, how could discussing your nonexistent romantic trysts be any worse?"

The Geo Vision wielder did not bother to dignify her with an answer. "I would like to take the day off to resolve this situation," he said instead.

Tao waved him off as she settled herself back at her desk. "Sure, sure." She smirked at him. "I can't take you seriously looking the way you do anyway."

Zhongli pursed his lips, unable to refute her statement. Honestly speaking, he could not really take himself seriously, and he was the one in question. "Thank you for your understanding." He bowed politely to his employer and made his way back to the funeral parlor's entrance after slipping his shoes back on.

"Good luck!" she called after him.

A nod to the still-confused Ferrylady, and Zhongli was once more back on the streets of Liyue Harbor, his destination: Wanmin Restaurant. He had just made it to the plaza with the small hexagonal pond in the center when a familiar voice intruded on his solitude.

"Shouldn't little boys like you be in school at this hour?"

Zhongli stopped, taking a deep breath to hold in his irritation. He was so close to his destination—he could see it right there. And realistically, he did not need Tartaglia—also known as "Childe"—inserting himself into the situation he was in. "I need to find Mao Xiangling," he said seriously, hoping the severity of his tone would dissuade the Fatui agent from meddling. "I have something I need to talk to her about."

The tall redhead slid around so that he stood before the apparent child and squatted so that they were roughly eye level. Zhongli felt indignation well up within him at being coddled in such a manner for his lack of stature. "I'll take you there," he offered. Zhongli opened his mouth to refuse when Childe added with a squint, "You look like someone I know…"

The de-aged god froze, suddenly imagining the chaos the Eleventh Harbinger could unleash if he figured out that he was none other than the adult Shen Zhongli that he knew. "I—I…"

Childe snapped his fingers, face illuminating as though he had just had an epiphany of sorts. "I know who it is! You look like your dad!"

Zhongli gaped, jaw dropping open in sheer disbelief. My WHAT?! I thought Tao was joking about me being my own child, but seriously?! It took a moment for his brain to reboot. "I think you've mistaken me for—" he began but was cut off.

"You look just like your old man!" the Hydro Vision wielder exclaimed as he pinched Zhongli's cheeks and cooed.

What is with the cheeks?! Zhongli mentally raged as he seriously contemplated biting the man's fingers off. Childe's ability to wield a weapon might be compromised, but at least the Geo Archon would no longer be assaulted by fingers to the face from this particular menace. Additionally, Childe was no employer or his, nor even a citizen of Liyue, and therefore he had no obligation to protect the man.

The bright grin on his face suddenly dropped. "Why didn't he tell me he had a kid…? Wait!" Childe eyed Zhongli with suspicion. "Are you by yourself because you got into a fight with him?"

"What makes you think that?" the boy asked, unable to keep from eyeing the Fatui agent with confusion. How had he even jumped to the conclusion that he was his own father? Morax's life prior to becoming an Archon had been one he had spent most of as a dragon and his current mortal form was one he had chosen, so in all honestly, he had no idea what he would have looked like as a human child.

Childe leaned forwards, and Zhongli leaned backwards in response. "Your eyes are just like his, minus the red shadow, and you've got the same nose and lips."

The child frowned. Why would I have different facial features if I ensure that I revert to the same face every time I change into a human? Just because I'm tinier doesn't mean my face should change… right? "As I should," he declared with a huff. "Why should my face change with size?"

The redhead chuckled indulgently, looking like anything but the infamous and deadly Eleventh Harbinger that he was. He ruffled Zhongli's hair—again, what was up with that?! —and grasped a hand in his own larger, half-gloved one. "Come on, kiddo," he said with an easy grin, "let's get some food in you and then we'll find that missing dad of yours."

"But I—" Zhongli protested before he clamped his mouth shut. With Childe leading the way to Wanmin Restaurant, there was going to be no way to have a private conversation with Xiangling. A tiny burst of Anemo energy made him glance up onto the rooftop of Second Life, where Xiao silently stood, posture unsure and Primordial Jade Winged Spear in hand. He subtly shook his head, and the yaksha nodded and vanished.

Zhongli was toted to Wanmin Restaurant, where he was plopped onto a stool just inside the restaurant. "Mao-shifu!" Childe greeted the owner cheerily as Zhongli surreptitiously looked for Xiangling, "Good morning!"

Xiangling… was not there. Damn.

"Ah, Childe, good morning!" the restaurant proprietor warmly returned. The man blinked at the child. "May I ask who this is?"

"Zhongli's kiddo, and his name is…" Child trailed off, and he stared at Zhongli, who mulishly stared right back. "What is your name?"

The Geo Archon rapidly considered the benefits and detriments of revealing who he was. "Not telling," he settled on answering with a scowl—though mostly because he actually had no other ideas on how to extricate himself out of the situation. So, withholding his identity seemed to be the best recourse for now. It was also only then that he realized that he had simply gone with knowing who Childe was when, in his current situation, he realistically should not have known. He refrained from banging his head on the table beside him at his own idiocy.

"Aw, did Daddy tell you not to talk to strangers?" Childe cooed as he poked his cheek, and Zhongli's annoyance at himself instantly vaporized as he once again violently squashed the urge to separate the offending digit from the man's body—and if he so happened to take the man's entire arm off by accident, well… he was a god, who would tell him off for it anyway?

"Knock it off, Childe," Chef Mao chuckled. "Can't you tell the kid's about to whack you one?"

The Fatui agent huffed. "Like kiddo here could do anything to hurt me," he boasted with a grin.

I could flatten you like a bug if I felt so inclined, Zhongli thought darkly. But I am "human" right now, and "human" I shall stay. "Do you plan on feeding me or not?" he prodded, since Childe had already mentioned food when he had taken the boy's hand.

Childe laughed. "Crystal Shrimp and Rice Buns for the both us, along with warm soy m—"

"Tea," Zhongli interrupted, and he saw Chef Mao's eyebrows hike up in surprise. "Pu'er, please."

"Make that two," the Harbinger added, the crossed his legs and leaned on the table as he lazily watched Chef Mao begin preparing their meal. "So, kiddo. Any ideas where your old man went?"

Zhongli shrugged. "Who knows?" he said with a shrug, deciding to roll with the "I'm fighting with my father" angle that the redhead had assumed was the case. "For all I know he could have traveled outside of the Harbor. He glanced at Childe to gauge his reaction when he added, "I've heard him talk about visiting Nantianmen." The god was curious as to how Childe would react to such information.

"Oh?" Childe narrowed his eyes in thought at that, though anything he wanted to ask was interrupted by Chef Mao setting several small bamboo steaming baskets containing Crystal Shrimp and Rice Buns, as well as a pot of tea. Plates, utensils, and napkins were then set down along with two porcelain cups.

"Enjoy," the chef said, and left them to their meal. The two ate in silence, Childe carefully piling food onto Zhongli's plate before wolfing down the rest of the food. Zhongli slowly nibbled his portion, for he had already eaten breakfast about an hour ago, after all.

After eating about a third of what Childe had given him, Zhongli pushed the plate away and announced in a bored tone, "I'm full."

The Harbinger swallowed his mouthful before eyeing the plate. "You didn't eat much, kiddo," he remarked. "My younger brother Teucer eats three times as much as you do."

"Good for him," Zhongli huffed and slid off the stool. "Mao-shifu," he called.

"Yes?" answered the chef as he continued to monitor the fish he was frying.

"Would you happen to know where Xiangling is? I need to talk to her."

The restaurant proprietor hummed thoughtfully. "I think she mentioned Tianqiu Valley? Something about ruins and jade crystals…?"

Zhongli pursed his lips before he said, "Thank you. And thank you for the meal." He then swiftly made his way out of the restaurant, intent on finding that silly girl and shaking her need for the strangest ingredients out of her. Does she have a death wish, taking on a Primo Geovishap on her own?

"Hey," Childe called after him, "don't leave by yourself! For all you know you could be kidnapped!"

The boy ignored the redhead and planted himself just outside the restaurant—it was, after all bad manners to simply teleport away inside an establishment. Zhongli felt the magic activate, and cursed under his breath when the magic carried a Childe who had barely made it by latching onto his shoulder.

Nantianmen was still the same deceptively peaceful gorge that it had been for the last few centuries. Dismissing the hilichurl establishment not too far away, he shook the redhead's hand off and began jogging south along the stream, his intent to exit the canyon and head southeast towards the ruins on the western side of Tianqiu Valley.

"Where are we going?" Childe asked, following easily alongside the shrunken god.

Zhongli remained quiet for a long time as he considered ignoring the man entirely. At length, he replied, "To find my idiot friend."

The Harbinger chuckled. "I see. And why would your friend be all the way out here?"

"Because she's a moron who wants exotic ingredients for cooking," he grumped. There was silence as they ran for a while before he asked, "I forgot to ask earlier, but what's your name?" He had to keep up appearances, at any rate.

"Call me Childe, Zhongli's-kid-who-refuses-to-give-me-a-name," Childe teased good-naturedly.

"Childe," Zhongli repeated with a faux-thoughtful hum, "It fits you."

The Harbinger glanced sharply at the boy running by his side. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The child shot the redhead a sly smirk. "You're more of a child than I am."

"Oh?" he purred somewhat darkly, "And why's that?"

Zhongli replied factually, "I'm over six thousand years old."

His answer made Childe stumble from surprised and delighted laughter, and the god was secretly disappointed that the man did not take a tumble right then and there. He would have loved to have seen the Fatui agent's face covered in mud and grass. "Then that makes me over ten thousand!" was his crowed rejoinder.

The Geo Archon rolled his eyes. "See? A child."

"If you say so, kiddo," the Harbinger chuckled.

As they approached the ruins, the roar of an enraged Geovishap reverberated along the stone walls of the valley. "Shit," Zhongli muttered under his breath, and he began sprinting for the western entrance to the Primo Geovishap's lair.

The pair charged in and Zhongli leapt off the crumbling remains of a stone-tiled floor, so intent on reaching the battling Xiangling, Guoba, and Primo Geovishap that he completely forgot about his physical handicaps—and whether or not he was still capable of flight. Realizing right after he jumped that he no longer had access to his glider, he muttered a curse under his breath and braced himself for a hard landing. An arm wrapped around his middle and broke his freefall as Childe admonished, "Slow down, kiddo, no need to kill yourself trying to rescue your friend, got it?"

Zhongli grudgingly thanked the grinning Fatui agent in his head before once more focusing on the Pyro Vision wielder. The girl looked a little worse for the wear, for there were smudges of dirt on her face and clothes, and she had a few small, bleeding scratches on her arms and legs. The tips of the Primo Geovishap's long, protective back scales glowed a deep, rich blue.

Childe landed and disengaged his glider, gently setting Zhongli down on his feet and holding him back with a hand on his shoulder. The Harbinger's cornflower blue eyes lit up with bloodlust at the prospect of a fight. "Now, this is more like it," he purred, summoning Polar Star into his right hand. "Stay back, kiddo. Let the adult here handle this." Zhongli felt a bolt of irritation lance up his spine at the overt patronization in his voice, but he bit his tongue and decided it was not worth picking a fight over. The redhead sprinted headlong into the battled, his opening round a charged shot that nailed the Primo Geovishap in the nose and caused a startled Xiangling to jump.

"Mao Xiangling!" Zhongli cried, and the young chef-in-training fled towards him once he had caught her attention and gestured her over towards him. Zhongli hustled her over to the edge of the rocky arena and crouched behind some of the bushes. The pair then proceeded to watch the Harbinger's battle from a safe distance.

The beast roared in pain from Childe's Hydro-infused shot, attention drawn to the newcomer. It swiped a massive paw at its face, dislodging the arrow in its snout. Zhongli heard Childe click his tongue in disgust as he roared, "I wanted your eye!" and shot consecutive arrows as he slowly backed up from the creature. The god's eyebrows rose in surprise when, out of sheer frustration, the Harbinger flung an arrow from his bow by swinging his entire arm instead of using the bow's string with a snarl—a move that unexpectedly dealt quite a bit of damage.

"Who're you?" Xiangling asked once she had comfortably crouched herself next to him. The moment she was done analyzing his face, however, her eyes immediately snapped back to the battle unraveling before them. "You look familiar."

Drawing on his Hydro Vision, Childe charged the Primo Geovishap, dual wielding daggers made of water, and Zhongli winced at the idea of the two of them making little headway due to the common element. The Fatui agent ducked the snap of jaws that should have gotten him in the torso, instead sliding beneath the Vishap's belly and dragging his blades along its soft under hide. As Zhongli could no longer see Childe due to the Geovishap's bulk, he could only imagine that the redhead had done something when the creature screamed in aggravation and spun a complete circle, using its tail in an attempt to knock its opponent to the ground. Childe's form appeared at that moment, his expression manic as he avoided the Vishap's move with a high leap that he punctuated with more arrows and a shout of excitement.

"Believe it or not, I actually am Shen Zhongli," he replied, eyes also on the fight.

Xiangling's attention whipped back onto him "You're what?!" she squeaked, and the god turned to face her. "Oh, sweet Celestia," she swore as she recognized one of her father's favorite customers in the boy's childish features. "You're Shen Zhongli-xiansheng? What happened?"

Zhongli pursed his lips. "What new ingredients did you use in that dish last night?" he asked instead of answering her question.

The girl frowned, thinking despite the fact that her eyes were drawn to the cacophony of noises the two combatants were making. "Um… I exchanged some of my normal ingredients with an Inazuman trader for talons of some sort that I used for stock. They looked canine."

The Geo Archon barely refrained from slapping a hand to his forehead and dragging it down his face. Of course, he thought with exasperation. Riftwolves. Of all the ingredients she could have possibly used, she chose to use Abyssal creature body parts. No wonder my body reacted the way I did. He sighed heavily. "That would explain it…" he muttered. He had, through local gossip, heard about the recent reemergence of the Abyssal animals on Inazuma's Tsurumi Island.

"Explain what?" Xiangling asked curiously.

"I'll explain later. Come on," he said and slinked through the bushes towards the eastern entrance. "Let's get out of here while the Primo Geovishap is preoccupied."

The Pyro Vision wielder's brows furrowed, but she followed behind. "But what about him?"

Zhongli snorted. "That guy can take care of himself, I'm sure," he remarked, and began climbing up towards safety.

The battle had continued to rage while the two had conversed, with both the Primo Geovishap and the Harbinger taking damage. The beast snarled once more and dove beneath the rocky surface after releasing a blast of ranged Hydro breath that made Childe back up. Childe, in turn, flitted about the wide space, constantly moving to ensure he was a difficult target to hit from below. Xiangling and Zhongli, by this point, had reached the tiled ledge leading into the cave, and both perched from their vantage point, curious to see who the victor would be. When the Vishap resurfaced, the redhead greeted it with a growled, "Brace yourself, this'll hurt a bit!" and a sweeping slash of a waterborne spear.

The Primo Geovishap bellowed and recoiled, jettisoning several spines from its back. The projectiles were like water bombs, releasing Hydro magic in wide radii around the individual scales, and Childe staggered several times as the imbued magic bombarded him.

"Is this all you've got? Come on!" Childe screamed as he shook himself, and he darted off to put more distance between him and his opponent. Geovishap and Harbinger stared each other down, and Childe used the pause to wipe off a trail of blood from a small cut at his temple. He bared his teeth in a savage grin as he panted, "Looks like I need to take you a little more seriously…"

A half palm gloved hand rose, sliding the crimson mask that normally rested on his hair over his face. The simple action sent a ripple of Electro energy through the Fatui agent, and the tail of his scarf sparked and fluoresced with violet Electro energy. Zhongli forced himself not to physically recoil at the palpable wrongness that suddenly emanated from Childe, and he gritted his teeth at the sensation. Fjolla, he thought as he stared in horror at the Harbinger radiating Abyssal energy, what have you done…?

"What the…?" Xiangling gasped, eyes wide with astonishment and awe. "How did he change elements? Does he possess dual Visions?"

Deciding to sidestep answering about the fact that it was not, in fact, a Vision at all but something else entirely, he instead replied, "Perhaps that is something you should ask him."

Childe snarled as he charged at the Primo Geovishap with blades of Electro energy. He slashed at the beast with lightning-fast strikes fast enough to almost be considered teleporting. The only other being Zhongli knew was capable of moving at such speeds was Xiao—but Xiao was a yaksha, an Adeptus, whose body was built in such a way as to handle stresses far greater than a mortal body was capable of. That Childe was mimicking such speeds meant that each sprint was likely damaging something within him.

Oblivious little fool, Zhongli thought with pity, does he honestly believe Fjolla values your service enough to give you what amounts to a ticking time bomb? I suppose it makes sense that she'd named them "Fatui."

Harbinger and Primo Geovishap continued to battle, and with the change in element, Childe gained ground. He dashed back and forth, creating Electro-Charged reactions that dealt additional Electro damage. The beast roared in pain at the continuous shocks of electricity, and under Childe's constant barrage of hits, the Primo Geovishap eventually fell.

Childe staggered as the Vishap crashed to the ground, chest heaving and limbs trembling with exertions. Both Zhongli and Xiangling watched as he slid his mask back to its usual place on his head, and the god noted the way Childe's entire frame was tensed as if in physical agony. Is that false Vision the cause of his pain? he wondered. Shaking his head, he stood, brushed himself off, and strolled towards the midday sunlight.

"Hey!" Xiangling called, and scrambled to follow him, "Aren't we going to wait for that dual Vision wielder?"

"No," he answered. "I came to find you, not to have him play babysitter to me."

The chef-in-training tilted her head. "Does he know you're… well, you?"

The god shook his head. "He doesn't, and I intend to keep it that way."

"But why?" she asked as she exited the Primo Geovishap's lair with him. "Why do you not want to tell him?"

Zhongli shot her a weary look. "Does he seem like the kind of person who is capable of keeping secrets or performing more covert operations?" he asked, somewhat rhetorically.

The Pyro Vision wielder opened her mouth to answer, paused, then winced. "Um, not really…"

The Geo Archon snorted. "Indeed," he agreed. "Shall we teleport back to the Harbor? I'd like to take a look at what exactly you used for that stew last night."

Xiangling nodded, and the two of them materialized back in the hexagonal pond plaza. The girl skipped back towards her family's restaurant, Zhongli following at a more sedate pace behind.

"Made it back!" Chef Mao greeted the both of them. "Though without Childe?" he asked as Xiangling dragged him into the furthest corner away from the customer counter.

"He'll be fine," Zhongli answered dismissively as he followed along. "I have more pressing concerns on hand."

"Baba," Xiangling interjected with quiet urgency, "this child is Zhongli-xiansheng!"

The chef blinked at the boy before turning a quizzical gaze on his daughter. "Zhongli… -xiansheng…?"

Zhongli nodded. "Hello, Mao-shifu."

"I—" Chef Mao looked at his daughter. "What—?"

"I'm almost positive I reacted to something in Xiangling's experimental dish last night, and so I would like to go over her recipe to see how long I will be stuck in such a state."

The restaurant proprietor nodded. "I see. Well," he said, and gestured to his kitchen, "by all means use the space to figure it out. I'm honestly rather curious myself and would like to avoid something like this happening to another customer." Zhongli nodded his thanks. Xiangling dug through the cooler, procuring all of the ingredients she had used in her cooking the previous evening.

The ingredients were… eclectic, to say the least. Aside from Concealed Talons, there were Heavy Horns, Horsetails, Fish fillets, Matsutake mushrooms, Snapdragon blooms, Sturdy Bone Shards, Tofu, Shrimp Meat, Bamboo Shoots, Jueyun Chilis, Radish, Slime Secretions, Carrots, Rice, Eggs, and Cabbage. A brow rose in bewilderment at the assortment. "You… used all this in last night's dish…?" he asked, almost afraid of her answer.

Xiangling hummed happily. "Yup! It took me a while to collect all of this on my own, but I'm always excited to increase my stocks." She paused after laying everything out on the counter. "So, do you want me to cook what I made last night again?"

"Yes, please. Individually, I don't think the ingredients alone would have ordinarily done something, but perhaps they reacted with each other to cause my current circumstances?" he suggested.

"Makes sense," the chef-in-training conceded. "I'll get started!"

Zhongli watched as she began washing and then chopping and dicing with a casual efficiency gained from long hours of practice. Her hands moved with easy grace, fingers expertly manipulating food, utensils, and cookware. To have such a zest for life… it truly is satisfying to watch, he thought idly as stock ingredients were set to boil in order to make broth.

It was as he was watching Xiangling work that Zhongli abruptly found himself dangling by the scruff of his shirt. "Found you, you little turd!" Childe chirped with menacing cheeriness. "Why'd you leave me behind all by my lonesome?"

The god's face pinched in annoyance at the treatment, and he noticed Xiangling hurriedly quiet the protests that her father had been about to put up as he once more contemplated the merits of sinking his teeth into the redhead's flesh. "What was your purpose for searching me out?" he asked blandly, crossing his arms over his chest as he was spun around so that he faced a displeased but wildly grinning Fatui agent.

"We still have to find your Dad, you know?" Childe reminded, and their stare-off was broken by twin snorts of stifled amusement from the Maos. Childe lowered Zhongli to his feet as he asked tiredly, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing!" Xiangling squeaked as she leaned on her father, who was supporting himself on a wall as he silently laughed. "Really, nothing!"

Seeing as there was likely to be no progress as long as both he and Childe remained in close proximity to Wanmin Restaurant, Zhongli said, "I shall come back when you are done, Xiangling."

The girl nodded her head rapidly, since it was clear that if she opened her mouth she would simply burst into cackles. The Geo Archon swiftly took his leave, the Harbinger following. Only when he was twenty paces from the restaurant did he hear raucous laughter from the two Maos. His lips twitched in amusement at their amusement, though he smoothed his expression over when he remembered that he was still being accompanied by the redhead. "Don't you have work to do?" he asked in a blatant attempt to get Childe to go away.

"Don't you have school to go to?" was the Hydro Vision wielder's rebuttal.

Zhongli heaved a deep, silent sigh. Should I just summon Xiao and have him off this pest? He sneaked a glance at the redhead casually loping beside him and sighed once more, minutely shaking his head. No, it would be too suspicious.

The god yelped as he was again lifted off his feet, though this time Childe scooped him up so that he could be placed on his shoulders. Zhongli hurriedly steadied himself by grabbing tufts of ginger hair, and the Fatui agent grasped the boy's shins for stability. "Much better for traveling, don't you think?" Childe cheerfully asked, glancing up in Zhongli's general direction. "I'd do this with Teucer on the rare occasions I get to see him."

It was an opening into learning more about the Harbinger's assigned task here in Liyue—as well to see how much he knew about what his own Cryo Archon was planning behind the scenes. Zhongli would be a fool to pass the opportunity up. "You don't see him often?" he asked, leaning forwards so that he could meet eyes with Childe as he rested his stomach on the man's head.

Childe huffed wryly. "No, not really," he answered. "I don't get to see Teucer much anymore."

"Why not?"

"After I… started working, it just wasn't as easy to find the time," the redhead hedged. From what Zhongli knew after some discussion with La Signora, Tartaglia had been assigned to Northland Bank's Liyue branch because enough of his fellow Harbingers had complained about his antics, and his time in the Abyss had estranged him from certain members of his family.

Zhongli knew that the Abyss changed things, changed people. He himself had seen the results of those who had experienced the Abyss over the course of his long lifetime. It was one that was traumatic and abrasive, and that those who returned came away with survivalist instincts the likes of which he had otherwise never encountered outside of war. It was a disconcerting change to see, but as he had never experienced the Abyss for himself, he therefore could not judge those who had.

It did not, however, prevent him from wanting to blast the unfortunate Abyss survivor he was with into smithereens out of sheer annoyance. Nonetheless, he pressed on in his questioning. "Where does your family live?"

"Snezhneya," he promptly replied.

Zhongli took the opportunity to poke some fun at the redhead. "No wonder your name is strange."

"Hey!" Childe protested, and playfully jostled Zhongli, "My name isn't strange!"

"Yes it is," he argued, hoping to get a rise out of the Fatui agent, "You call yourself a child."

Childe huffed. "My actual name is Tartaglia."

"Then why do you call yourself a child?"

"It's—argh! There's no point in trying to explain it to you, kiddo."

Zhongli whacked Childe on the head at that, eliciting a yip of startlement. It was hardly enough to do any permanent damage, but more than enough to get his irritation across. "See if I help you find who you're looking for," he huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest, though lips twitched at the irony.

There was no warning from Childe. The pair teleported out of Liyue Harbor, and Zhongli yelped at the sensation, reflexively grabbing onto the nearest available sturdy object—which happened to be Childe's head. Childe materialized in Nantianmen and staggered a bit, quickly regaining his footing. "While I do think it's cute that you suddenly decided to play octopus, mind letting go of my face?" the redhead choked out, his voice muffled due to the fact that the god had practically wrapped himself around the Harbinger's cranium, his mouth covered by one of Zhongli's arms. Zhongli had even folded his legs, which had the unfortunate—or was it fortunate?—side effect of strangling Childe around the neck.

A small gust of wind let him know that Xiao was nearby, ready to intervene at his signal, and he relaxed at the reassurance. "Apologies," he murmured sheepishly as he unraveled himself, secretly ashamed by his own behavior. He was also particularly horrified at being compared to a creature that possessed tentacles.

"It's fine," Childe said, tilting his head up to grin at Zhongli, "it was my fault for not warning you." They set off at an easy pace, Zhongli jouncing a bit with Childe's strides as the Fatui agent whistled a Snezhneyan ditty.

Zhongli debated for a moment before he caved and asked, "So where are we going?"

"We," Childe began pompously, "are in Nantianmen and headed north."

"North?" the child echoed. "Why north?"

The Harbinger tilted his head back to look at him, grinning. "Because I have a feeling that's a place your dad likes to haunt."

Zhongli frowned thoughtfully, wondering what specifically had given him away in that regard. In the gorge north of Nantianmen, at the base of Mount Hulao was the living tomb of Azhdaha. It was a place that the Geo Archon somewhat frequented, mostly to check the status of the seals that bound the king of dragons. As they passed through the throat that connected the two canyons, the god stared at the towering Dragon-Queller that dominated the gorge for a moment, thoughts flitting to the eroded dragon king imprisoned beneath that he had once called an ally. I am sorry, old friend.

Childe approached the ancient tree, and Zhongli wondered if the Harbinger knew of the existence of the mighty creature that remained suppressed beneath its gnarled, sprawling roots. He sincerely hoped not, though he wondered if the idiot would be crazy enough to challenge Azhdaha on his own. … on second thought, he probably would, he concluded to himself with a huff after a small amount of contemplation, since he is kind of a nut job in his own way…

"Wonder what your old man likes so much about this area," Childe casually remarked. "There's nothing good here to f—" The redhead abruptly cut himself off.

Zhongli knocked lightly on Childe's head, internally chuckling at the fact that he had censored himself due to the fact that he believed he honestly was talking to an actual child. "Good to what?" he prodded, wanting to see if the man could be egged into confessing how much of a "bloodlust-driven battle maniac" he was, to use the words of La Signora. Or seeing what on-the-spot lie he would make up. Zhongli had never actually witnessed such behavior from the Harbinger, though he knew the man had such capabilities if he was the youngest to have ever achieved such a title.

"F—find interesting," Childe said after stretching out the "f." "There's nothing that I find interesting here."

The god glanced back up at the tree thoughtfully, and at length he murmured, "No, I guess not."

"Let's keep searching then," the Harbinger said. "Ready to teleport?"

Zhongli gave a soft noise of confirmation, and the world was wrenched around him as time and space contracted. The duo materialized by a teleport waypoint in a valley, and a quick glance around confirmed that they were on the eastern side of Tianqiu Valley. "Why are we here?"

Childe hummed as he lightly hopped down a slope, headed north. "Since your old man is a big history buff, I figured he'd like hanging around ruins since they remind him of his beloved history of Liyue."

The Geo Archon made a face at the redhead, though the expression went unnoticed by the individual in question. "What's wrong with having an appreciation for the past?" he grumbled.

"Nothing!" the Harbinger replied merrily. "Nothing at all. Just means that he's stuffy and boring, but nothing wrong with that."

Zhongli briefly wondered if Childe's head would pop like a grape between his draconic form's jaws. The miniaturized god had a moment's sense of impending danger before he was roughly thrown from the Harbinger's shoulders. It took a concerted effort not to summon a shield that would protect him when he landed. He impacted the ground almost face first, head spinning and the breath knocked out of him. A wobbly glance around proved that the reason he—and apparently Childe as well—had been flung off their feet due to the two Geovishap Hatchlings that had erupted from underfoot. His head throbbed. I… might have a light concussion. And I think I dislocated my left shoulder judging by the fact that it's radiating steady pain and I cannot seem to move it without wanting to pass out.

The baby creatures whizzed back and forth, rolled into tight, excited balls. "You fucking shits," Childe hissed with a hungry grin as he crawled onto his feet, "I am going to end you." Polar Star fired several shots that missed the spinning Vishaps, and the Fatui agent switched to dual Hydro blades and charged. The hatchlings fought back for a bit, then burrowed back into the ground. Childe spun in circles, eyes darting about as he tried to predict where the creatures would come up.

Zhongli, in the meantime, had managed to get himself upright, though he cradled his injured arm. I need to heal it, but doing so would reveal that I have a "Vision." He wiped the sweat that was beading on his forehead from the pain. Maybe I can—

"KIDDO!" Childe screamed in warning, and Zhongli dazedly glanced up to find one Geovishap Hatchling charging towards him. A frantic look around, and the Geo Archon snatched a relatively long and straight stick to block the animal's attack with his good right hand right as a breeze began to stir. He gritted his teeth as he fought against the beast's immense strength, feet digging into the earth as he fought not to buckle under its combined weight and momentum or pass out from the pain caused by the jarring impact to his shoulder. The fact that Xiao had lent him strength by using a strong but concentrated stream of air to further shield him helped immensely. He managed to sidestep with a decidedly not-graceful twirl of his makeshift weapon, and the creature staggered by him. He spun his improvised staff as he panted from the exertion, ineffectively whacking it on its protective back plates as it pivoted to attack once more.

A curtain of blue, courtesy of a Hydro spear, momentarily blinded his vision as Childe insinuated himself between the Vishap and Zhongli and forced the Geovishap to back away as the other one approached. "Hey now," he crooned menacingly as he brandished the blue weapon, "Your opponent's me, not who's behind me!" The Harbinger charged, landing hard blows to the hatchlings' heads. They roared and backpedaled, but Childe did not allow them to flee and pursued step for step. One final blow, and the first Geovishap Hatchling dissolved into a small pile of Bone Shards. The second one followed not long after.

Thankfully he managed to kill them, Zhongli thought distantly as he wavered on his feet. The late afternoon sun beat down on him, making him feel overly warm. Maybe I should lie down…

"Kiddo?" Childe panted, and the god faintly noticed how concerned the redhead looked as he sprinted towards him before his face morphed into a scowl. "Fucking slimes," he muttered to himself as he leapt over the tottering boy. Zhongli had a sneaking suspicion that he tried not to curse in front of children in general, but whenever his lust for battle was piqued, he tended to forget himself and who his companions were. The Harbinger sliced at a trio of two Geo Slimes and one Large Geo Slime that had popped up. He dashed at them, alternating between ranged attacks with arrows and close quarter combat with both dual daggers and spear. As the Large Geo Slime disappeared, leaving behind Slime Secretions, Childe hurriedly trotted over to Zhongli, who had been muzzily watching the quick but ferocious battle.

"Shoulder," he mumbled through gritted teeth just before he collapsed, his legs no longer able to support him.

The Fatui agent caught him before he hit the ground, though the reactive save jarred his shoulder hard enough to make him cry out. "Ooh, sorry, sorry!" the Hydro Vision wielder hissed in sympathy as he carefully lowered Zhongli to the ground. "Let me see?" The god allowed Childe to lightly manipulate his arm, as he knew there was no good way to pop his shoulder back into place, aside from ramming it into a sturdy object at the correct angle. "Yeah, it's dislocated, all right," he commented after some light inspection. "You want me to pop it back in?"

Zhongli nodded. "Please."

Childe frowned. "It's going to hurt a lot, kiddo. You sure?"

"Yes."

The Harbinger conjured up a Hydro dagger and presented it to the Geo Archon, blunted edge towards him. "It won't cut you, so you can bite down on it," Childe explained. "It's so you won't accidentally bite your tongue and bleed to death."

Zhongli carefully bit down on the flat of the blade, testing it. The water felt cool against his tongue, and while there was give due to the fact that it was a fluid, it did not allow him to bite all the way through.

"On three, kiddo," Childe warned. "One… Two…" The Geo Archon's world ignited in white agony, and he fought against his instincts to transform and kill the one responsible for inflicting this amount of pain on him. As it was, Zhongli barely managed to maintain his presence of mind to keep in his human form through the time it took to reset his shoulder. He came to his senses not long after, entire body trembling and drenched in cold sweat.

"Three," the Fatui agent counted, and carefully hugged him close. "You did well, kiddo, since—did you break my dagger?!" he yelped. The sheer incredulity in his voice made Zhongli open his eyes as he mouthed the—pieces—of solidified Hydro energy on his tongue. He spat them out, amber eyes drawn to the shattered remains of what had once been one of Childe's Hydro daggers.

"Um… sorry?" he attempted as he discretely tried to wiggle himself from the redhead's grasp.

Childe's grip on him tightened, though not to the point of being painful. "Not so fast, kiddo," the Harbinger warned as he vanished the pieces of his weapon away. Childe plopped himself on the ground, pulling Zhongli into his lap. "I have questions for you about your old man."

Zhongli struggled to think up some excuse to keep Childe off his trail. "I don't think I—"

"Ey!" crooned a Pyro Abyss Mage as it popped into existence. It had apparently been drawn to their location by the action. It twirled its staff and threw a fireball in their direction, grunting out a huffed, "Cha!"

"This insipid little idiot," Childe growled as he swiftly scooped Zhongli up and dodged the fireball. He set the god on the ground as the mage taunted them with an arrogant, "Gang gang woo!" and a dance within its shield. Facing the mage, Childe allowed a hint of his own Abyssal powers to leak from his being. Zhongli felt himself shudder in revulsion, the urge to literally tear the very skin off his body suppressed only by sheer force of will.

The Abyss Mage stopped its dance to stare dumbly at the Harbinger. He bared his teeth in a distinctly unfriendly smile. "Sorry," Childe insincerely apologized to the utterly confused Pyro Abyss Mage as he conjured up and swung around a waterborne spear with ease, "unfortunately, there'll be no, 'Gang gang woo,' for you today." He flung himself at the mage, demolishing its Pyro shield in seconds before proceeding to vent his frustration at being surprise-attacked twice in a row by beating it into oblivion. The clatter of a Dead Ley Line Branch and Dead Ley Line Leaves marked its demise.

"Anything else want to pop up and attack me?!" he roared, throwing his challenge at the wide valley. "Come at me! I'll shred you to pieces, you fucking pieces of shi—!" Childe's voice stretched the vowel sound of what Zhongli was absolutely positive was the word "shit," mostly due to the fact that the man had happened to catch sight of him watching with open curiosity. "—ivada Jade… Fragments…" he finished with instead, voice dramatically dropping in volume from a confrontational snarl to an embarrassed mumble. Zhongli quirked an amused eyebrow at the redhead, and Childe sheepishly vanished his weapon. "Please pretend you didn't hear any of that," he said with a blindingly fake smile. "Little kids like you don't need to know such bad language."

Zhongli quashed the impish grin that threatened to split his face, and instead pasted on his most innocent expression. "But I heard you say fu—"

"Ignore what I said!" Childe cut him off insistently, and emphasized his words with wild arm gesticulations. The man was apparently very much flustered by his accidental-but-not swearing. "Do what I do, not as I say!" It took a moment for both of them to process those words. "Wait, I didn't mean that! I meant to sa—ow!"

The Geo Archon had decided to follow through and had therefore trotted over to whack the redhead in the knees as hard as he could with his good arm. He watched with mildly sadistic enjoyment as Childe took a measured, deep breath and bit his lip to keep from saying something he would probably regret saying in front of a child later.

"Kiddo." The Harbinger snatched the stick from Zhongli's grasp, his voice serious. "If you ever intend on beating someone up, you better mean it. This," and here he shook the stick with a very unimpressed stare, "is not what you should be using." His hand disappeared into his interdimensional inventory, and he pulled out a Beginner's Protector. He handed it to a dumbfounded Zhongli, who could easily tell just by a single touch that the materials used for the spear were the cheapest available, and therefore lighter than any polearm he had ever held. That he was able to heft it easily despite the fact that it also not readjusted its size to fit his current form only added on insult to injury.

A combination of frustration, anger, and humiliation had his jaw clenching and his vision blurring, and it was only when Childe began freaking out that Zhongli realized he was crying.

"Oh no, oh no no no…" the Fatui agent fretted. He whipped out a handkerchief—it was light blue and had little cobalt narwhales embroidered along the edges—and began wiping his face. "Please don't cry, kiddo, I really, really don't like it when kids cry…"

Zhongli sniffled reflexively, shocked that he was actually crying. Over a polearm, of all things. He absently reached for his own handkerchief but paused, realizing that he had not placed it in a pocket, and that his current attire had no pockets where he had been reaching for. The knowledge only curdled his mood further, though the god forced himself to stop tearing up. He accepted the handkerchief Childe offered and wiped his face more before blowing his nose. "I'll wash and return it," he said, and only after he received a nod from the Harbinger did he pocket the square of cloth. "Thank you," he said, and then added in an unintentionally pitifully stuffy voice, "Can we go back to the Harbor now? I want to go home." And truly, Zhongli wanted nothing else than to burrow in his bed and sleep off this Void-forsaken day.

"All right, kiddo," Childe conceded, "I'll take you back." Zhongli handed the Beginner's Protector back to the redhead, who stowed it away in his inventory. Childe grasped Zhongli's hand, and the two of them teleported back to Liyue Harbor's northern Teleport Waypoint, which was closer to the residential district. It was now approaching dusk, and the lanterns and lamps that illuminated the streets at night were in the process of being lit by members of the Millelith.

"Thank you," Zhongli said as he released Childe's hand. "I can make it back on my own." He did not exactly want the Harbinger to know where he lived, after all.

Childe gazed at him with concern on his face. "You're sure?"

"Mm," he confirmed with a nod. "I just… want to go to bed," he said truthfully.

"All right, kiddo," the redhead said with a sigh. "Good night then, and take care of yourself."

Zhongli smiled at him. "I will. Good night, Childe." For all that he was a general nuisance in his daily life, the man had a surprising capacity to care that he seemed to show only to a select few, and that he had been one of the lucky ones to have seen this side of him. The two parted ways, and Zhongli wound his way through the narrow backstreets towards his apartment. He entered his abode, chuckling when Xiao slipped silently in through the living room window that he had left open for ventilation purposes.

The Geo Archon sank onto a floor cushion by his tea table and leaned back against the small mound of pillows piled in a corner with a deep sigh. "Thank you, for not interceding much today," he said.

The adeptus bowed his head. "I was only doing my duty, though I failed in keeping you safe from all harm, Morax-daren." The self-directed contempt at his apparent failure was plain to hear in his voice.

"You did well, Xiao. I was actually relieved that you did not reveal yourself to Tartaglia. It would have been a problem if he had managed to put two and two together," he explained.

"I gathered as much after some observation," Xiao sighed, "but even so, I—" The adeptus was interrupted by knocking on the front door. "I shall get it," he offered, and opened the door to inspect their unexpected visitor.

Morax heard a familiar, "Yoo-hoo!" and mentally groaned. Why did he have to show up now…?

"… Barbatos-daren…?" he heard the yaksha ask with confusion in his voice. "What are you doing here?" The door closed.

"A little petal of a Qingxin flower happened to find me at the right hour, and told me of an interesting find about a friend in a 'little' bind," he sang as he walked into the living room. Brilliant green eyes, glittering with shock and amusement, fixated on him. "Fancy seeing you like this, Morax," the Anemo Archon greeted.

"Barbatos," Morax answered flatly. "How very funny your rhyme was."

Barbatos grinned. "You like it? I composed it on my way here just for you." He settled himself on a cushion opposite from him. Xiao brought them tea—chrysanthemum. Fragrant, light, and brewed just the way that he liked it. Xiao, for all his reluctance to partake in mortal cuisines, had been around the Geo Archon long enough to know his preferences. The bard huffed at the beverage. "Tea, Morax?" he asked wryly, smirking in a way that Morax did not appreciate. "I brought Dandelion wine to share, but seeing how you are currently underaged…" He waved a bottle in emphasis, even going so far as to pointedly uncork it and take a swig directly from the bottle.

Any serenity that remained after the other god's invasion of his home evaporated with the jab. "Your commentary is not appreciated, Barbatos," he warned with a juvenile draconic rumble that only set the bard off laughing.

"Oh, lighten up, Morax," he chuckled as he pulled his Viridescent Venerer's Vessel—which, of course, happened to be a flask. He popped it open and poured his wine inside before corking the bottle and setting it aside. "Mortals say that they reach a 'second childhood' in their old age… but it looks like you've literally reached yours!" He laughed once more and nearly fell over in his mirth.

Seeing as Xiao was trying his damnedest to unobtrusively inch out of the room with the intention of slinking away—and considering Morax had no desire to be left alone with the drunkard of a bard that he was unfortunate enough to call a friend in his current state—he said, "Please, join us, Xiao." The adeptus froze for a long moment before reluctantly pivoting on his heel to stiffly join them at the tea table.

Barbatos scooted his cup of tea towards the yaksha. "You can have mine. I haven't touched it."

Xiao nodded mechanically in thanks and lifted it to his lips, taking a cautious sip of the still steaming liquid. His gold eyes flicked warily between the two Archons.

"So, how'd… this… happen?" Barbatos asked, viridian eyes briefly sweeping across Morax's tiny form.

"A burgeoning chef acquaintance of mine happened to feed me Riftwolf flesh," he said.

The Anemo Archon immediately gasped in horror, while Xiao frowned in confusion. "Riftwolf flesh?" Barbatos echoed, horrified, "How did that get in your food?"

Morax sighed heavily. "Mao Xiangling has a penchant for experimenting with exotic ingredients, and I hadn't known that I would react in such a manner."

"What do you mean by 'riftwolf flesh'?" Xiao asked curiously.

"Riftwolves, or Rifthounds, are creatures native to the Void Realm, or the Abyss," the Geo Archon explained. "They are diametrically opposite in nature to inhabitants of the Light Realm, and capable of corrupting those who inhabit the Human Realm." Morax's expression tightened, while Barbatos turned to stare darkly at the edge of the tea table. "They are… monstrosities created by the Great Sinner, and their range spread across Teyvat during of the Cataclysm. Their very existence is toxic to those of the Human Realm, and we—gods and adepti included—are no exception."

"But… has she tried eating it herself? Is she even still alive?" Barbatos, like Morax, was well aware of the effects the Abyss had on life that did not originate from the Void Realm. He had, after all, been alive when Khaenri'ah had fallen. His question, while crude, was not unreasonable.

"She still, somehow, is able to count herself among the living," the Geo Archon confirmed. "Quite impressive, I must add, since she ate the dish alongside me."

"Mao Xiangling seems to have developed something of an iron stomach as of late," Xiao murmured as he stared contemplatively at the flower petals in his tea, "considering the number of times I've heard her father pray for her recovery from food poisoning over the years. He prayed to both gods and adepti alike, and his words would be conveyed to me by the wind." The adeptus glanced at Morax. "I'm actually a little surprised you hadn't heard his prayers, Morax-daren. He'd pray no less than four times a week, and almost always for independent poisoning instances when she was younger." He paused, thinking. "He hasn't prayed near as much, as of late. Perhaps she's become a better chef…?" Both Morax and Xiao twitched at the idea after seeing the results of her unintentional handiwork on the Geo Archon.

"Mao Xiangling?" Barbatos hummed in curiosity, his mood brightening after the short damper of a history lesson. "I'd like to meet this lady… particularly since she did this to you of all people." His giggles escalated into a full-blown laugh up once more, and this time he actually flopped over onto the floor.

Morax smothered the urge to pin him beneath a stone stellae in somewhat petty vengeance for being made fun of. See if you can fly if you're stuck to the ground, little wisp of wind, he thought testily. "Maybe you should taste test her food for yourself," he suggested snippily. He abruptly grinned predatorially, allowing the shape of his teeth to shift from blunted human's to sharper dragon's. "Let's see how you react to it."

Barbatos waved his hands while shaking his head. "No, no, I'm good," he hurriedly answered. "If her food did that to you, oh mighty Morax, then I shudder to think what it would do to little old me."

"'Little old you' would probably still survive her cooking compared to 'tiny young me,'" Xiao said in a rare quip with a deadpan expression. He punctuated his joke with a juxtaposing serene sip of tea.

"X-Xiao!" the bard choked, guffawing. "I didn't think you had it in you!"

"Indeed," Morax, features once again fully human, chuckled as he absently tapped fingertips against the porcelain of his teacup. "Whatever happened to my straightlaced Guardian?"

The yaksha heaved a dramatic—for him, at least—sigh. "He expired somewhere in Tianqiu Valley while babysitting a de-aged Archon from afar."

Barbatos disappeared beneath the table, howling with glee.

Morax pouted at his long-time friend, crossing his arms over his chest and hunching over in severe displeasure as he glared in the Anemo Archon's general direction.

Xiao pursed his lips, doing his best not to let his tranquil façade crack—he had already been threatened once today about openly laughing at his savior, and he did not want a second warning.

The Geo Archon's gold eyes flitted towards the adepti, taking in the minute trembles that shook Xiao's body. He sighed, taking pity on the boy he had saved eons ago. "Just this once," he conceded unhappily, "you may laugh at me, Xiao."

A giggle sneaked out from Xiao's lips, and the adeptus slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide with a mixture of shock, amusement, and a tinge of fear. They darted over to Morax, who grimaced in resignation but nodded his consent. A chuckle bubbled up from his chest, which blossomed into peals of laughter that the god had rarely witnessed in their millennia of acquaintance. While the reason for the yaksha's entertainment was not what he would have considered "fun," it made him realize just how rarely Xiao had ever laughed. The realization was both sobering and saddening.

I hadn't realized… he thought contritely as he watched the yaksha's face lightly flush, and the combination of the additional color and the expression of such unadulterated joy on Xiao's face sent daggers into his heart. It made him look like the boy that he might have been had he not been enslaved and forced to perform atrocious acts at such a young age after losing his parents. If a situation as ridiculous as this ever occurs to me again, I will never again threaten Xiao about laughing at me because he should laugh more.

Morax rode through the storm of laughter from both Barbatos and Xiao with quiet dignity, refilling both his and Xiao's cups with tea after he had finished his first cup. "Done?" he drawled once the two had calmed to giggles.

"Yes," Barbatos chucked as Xiao cleared his throat and composed himself.

"Good," he said, and surprised himself with a yawn. He glanced at the two of them. "Were either of you interested in staying the night? I can bring out futons for you if you would like, though I must confess that I am quite tired."

The bard shook his head. "I just wanted to visit and see how you were doing," he said. His grin straightened as he asked, "But in all seriousness, is there anything I can do to help before I leave and you go to bed?"

Morax shook his head. "No, but thank you. If this is not resolved by the time I wake up tomorrow, I'll have another visit with Mao Xiangling."

"If you're sure," the Anemo Archon said. He levered himself off the floor cushion and stowed his Viridescent Venerer's Vessel. "I'll see myself, Morax. Have a good night, old friend," he said with a showman's bow, and swept out of the apartment.

"I'll keep watch outside tonight," Xiao murmured, "so please rest easy, Morax-daren." The adeptus also got to his feet, but Morax grabbed his wrist before he could leave.

The Geo Archon gazed at the adeptus' faintly puzzled look. "Thank you for today, Xiao. I don't think you realize how reassuring it was to have you at my back today."

Xiao's face softened into a rare smile. "It was not a problem, Morax-daren. I was honored to be your bodyguard for the day."

Morax released him, and instead of exiting through the front door the way Barbatos had, Xiao left through the open window. The god felt Xiao settle himself on the roof and shook his head at how seriously the yaksha took his duties. Morax hopped so that he could hang off the windowsill and said softly, "If you need anything, the window will be open for you since I know you don't like using the door for some reason. Good night, Xiao."

"Good night, Morax-daren," came Xiao's disembodied reply.

The god prepared himself for sleep before curling up in his bed. He sighed deeply as he tugged at the excessive fabric of his normal-sized pajama top. Sleep was not long in coming, and Morax quickly drifted off.


The faintest rays of the sun greeted Morax the next day, and he yawned and lazily stretched before abruptly snapping wide awake and sitting up in the bed. He stared at his hands, which were back to normal. A quick check proved that Xiao was not on his roof. "Had it all been a dream…?" he murmured.

He got up and performed his usual morning ablutions before readying himself for work. He also, before leaving his home, check his ability to wield a weapon. Vortex Vanquisher felt the way it normally did, and he was able to swing and flip it with his usual ease. Satisfied, Morax left his apartment and made his way towards Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.

"Hey, Zhongli!" greeted a voice before an arm slung itself around his shoulders.

Zhongli glanced at his unexpected visitor. "Hello, Childe."

Childe sighed dramatically. "I spent all day looking for you yesterday. Where'd you go?"

I was with you the entire time, he thought, but said aloud, "I had personal business to attend to, why?"

"Your kid was lost, so I wanted to reunite him with you," the Harbinger said before adding, "He was a cute little thing."

Zhongli fought to not react to the "cute" comment. "I don't have any offspring, though," he answered with the straightest face he could muster. Childe did not have to know that Zhongli was very much in on a joke that the Fatui agent was completely unaware of.

Childe shoved himself away from the funeral consultant to stare at him in shock. "You do too!" he accused. "I spent almost an entire day with him!"

It was an effort not to snicker at the redhead's expression. "Did you ever get confirmation that he was related to me?"

"I—" Childe began before pausing, clearly thinking back to the day before. "Well—no, but he looked just like you! Except tiny! And he acted like you, too!"

"Childe," Zhongli's tone was that of a tired parent explaining to a toddler as he released a longsuffering sigh, "there are many people in Liyue with dark hair and amber eyes."

The Harbinger sulked. "Well, true—but that's not the point!" he snapped, clearly agitated both by how Zhongli had tried to change the subject and at his own ability to be distracted. "The point is that kiddo is definitely yours!"

The implication in Childe's statement did not sit well. "I feel I would remember whether or not I had an opportunity to produce progeny," he rumbled, glowering at his companion. He picked up his pace, his desire to be at his workplace and dealing with his annoying employer stronger than dealing with the annoyance currently at his side.

"Hey, wait, Zhongli, I didn't mean it like that!" Childe yelped as he sped up to keep up.

Zhongli stopped, and Childe narrowly avoided running into the peeved funeral consultant. "Childe," he growled, "please do not insinuate anything about my private life that you know nothing of."

The redhead nodded frantically. "Sorry, sorry," he hastily apologized, "I know I crossed the line with that one. But—" he continued as Zhongli once again began moving, "—are you sure you don't have a kid?"

"I've never had a child," Zhongli confirmed before nodding at the Ferrylady and entering the funeral parlor. Childe doggedly followed him inside.

"Zhongli!" Tao greeted cheerily. "You're back to normal!"

Zhongli nodded. "Indeed."

"Wait, what? 'Back to normal'?" squawked Childe. "What does that even mean?"

The funeral parlor director glanced at her consultant, both bemused and amused. "You didn't tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Childe demanded as Zhongli answered, "It was not necessary at the time to inform him."

Tao chuckled secretively. "Do you plan on telling him?"

Zhongli sighed when Childe glared at him. "I might as well, since I get the feeling he won't leave me alone if I don't." He ignored the redhead's muttered, "Damn straight I won't," and murmured while staring at a wall, "The child you were with yesterday was me." When five seconds of silence had passed, the consultant curiously looked in Childe's direction to find the Harbinger openly gaping.

"I—you—I—" he sputtered, and Zhongli felt an eyebrow creep up in amusement.

"Use your words," he coaxed sarcastically. Tao muffled her giggles in the background.

"How could you?!" Childe shrieked in utter betrayal, and Zhongli flinched at the sudden change in volume. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have harassed you way more had I known it was you!"

Zhongli sent Childe a flat look while the funeral director coughed, "Child abuse!" "It was precisely because I knew you would react like this that I didn't tell you," he said.

"Are there any other secrets that you're keeping from me that I should know?!" the redhead demanded.

"None that concern you," the consultant said as he made his way towards his desk, where yesterday's work had piled up.

The Harbinger flailed about in agitation, and Zhongli caught the movement out of the corner of his eye. "What is that supposed to mean?!"

Zhongli turned and eyed Childe with a faintly disparaging expression. "It means the secrets that I choose to keep do not concern you. Now, if you have no further business with Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, I must ask you to leave the premises. Have a good day, Childe-xiansheng."

Childe gaped at Zhongli, speechless, before he spun and stomped out of the funeral parlor.

Tao tittered but returned to her desk. "All in a day's work, no, Zhongli?"

Zhongli sat down at his own desk and picked up the first of many documents. "Indeed," he agreed, "all in a day's work."

… I still need to visit Xiangling later today to lecture her about the dangers of using Abyssal creatures in mortal cuisine, too, he thought with a sigh. Goody.


Extra


As an Archon, Morax was capable of seeing things most mortals were incapable of. In the countless years that he had lived, there had been times when he had been able to catch glimpses of beings and worlds not of his own, a confirmation of the knowledge that multiple parallel and unique universes existed alongside the one in which he lived. It was how he had happened to catch sight of one such being on the one day that he had, through rather odd circumstances, been turned from an adult into a child.

The being in question was also a child—though there was something not quite right about them. Morax frowned as he stared at the human boy. He was partially transparent in the way that all non-Teyvat-planers were, ghostlike in appearance. With an outfit he had never seen before that included tan shorts, an oddly fitted blue jacket, a strangely tied red bow about his neck, oversized glasses, strange red shoes, and distinctly cowlicked black hair, the child could not have stood out more if he had tried—which was impressive, given how diverse Liyue Harbor was as a financial and economic powerhouse.

Childe was currently off waiting in line to purchase lunch for the two of them, so Morax felt safe enough approaching the otherworldly apparition to sate his curiosity. "You're not from this realm," he said, for he had discovered through trial and error that it was easier to initiate conversation with an observation rather than a question. He tilted his head as he studied the boy, who by now had noticed him and was also quizzically staring back. "Who are you and why are you tiny?"

The boy frowned. "Shouldn't I be aski—hey, how do you know that?!" he yelped, suspicion and panic instantly painting themselves across his expression.

Morax pursed his lips, abruptly unamused despite the fact that his curiosity had been the cause of this encounter. He leaned close to the other boy's face with a glower and retorted flatly, "Because I am a god, mortal," with that juvenile dragon's growl that annoyed him ever so much.


Author's Note: This idea initially started off as a really short crack idea, and… yeah… this happened. I write primarily in the Detective Conan-Magic Kaito fandoms, so I suppose it should come as no surprise that my first Genshin Impact fic would be inspired by a dream I had which was inspired by DC. The premise of DC is that the sixteen-year-old detective prodigy Kudou Shinichi is fed poison and de-aged by ten years, becoming a six-year-old child under the alias Edogawa Conan, who then searches for the ones who poisoned him. So, same idea here, but no intentional poisoning and (technically) no baddies to chase in this fic. Just good old shenanigans that result from Zhongli being turned into a child… while being dragged around by Childe… and with smatterings of Xiao, Tao, Venti, and Xiangling for good measure. The extra was a cameo appearance of Conan himself meeting a pint-sized Rex Lapis because I couldn't resist. Conan was actually asleep at the time, which is why he was able to astral project himself or whatever into Teyvat. Fjolla is the name I chose for the Cryo Archon. It is Albanian in origin, means snowflake, and is metaphorically used to denote something as being done quickly, perfectly, or flawlessly. Fatui, in case you didn't know is Latin for "fools". I completely blame Thrushsong_kVaris (AO3), helloitstrash (AO3), and Solera (AO3) for feeding and encouraging my bloody muse. I hope you enjoyed it.


Completed: 4.4.2022