The One-eyed Prince's Dream
"Aemond! Wait, Aemond!"
I stop in my tracks, my only one eye looking back quizzically at the young woman who's running after me on the terrace.
"Why are you following me and not retiring to your chamber with Aegon?" I ask calmly.
"Aegon's not going to be in our room tonight," says Helaena as she tilts her head and looks at me. Even though she is smiling, I feel like I see hurt in her eyes, or am I only imagining it?
"Wasn't he jealous that Jacaerys asked you for a dance?" I recall what just happened in the dining hall.
A mummer's farce of a pitiful family. I know we all felt the need to put on our masks of friendliness for our sovereign — my ailing and aging father. But then, we've been drawing daggers at them behind his back all this time, especially at those 'Strong' boys. My half-sister Rhaenyra and her current husband are not to be trusted. How shameless of her to act as if she was innocent when she has clearly borne three bastards. Moreover, Daemon and she might be the culprits behind the death of her late husband, Laenor Velaryon…
I've become lost in my thoughts until Helaena's voice brings me back.
"Jealous?" My sister asks, her brows raised in puzzlement. "I don't know. Back then, I only noticed that you were looking at me all the time."
"You were dancing with that 'Strong' boy, and yet you noticed me?"
"Because you notice me," Helaena mutters.
I exhale.
Did I notice her? I guess so. Perhaps I felt a pang in my heart when she told Rhaena and Baela, "Mostly he just ignores you…except sometimes when he's drunk." Because it isn't supposed to be that way.
I know Helaena is different. She keeps insects and other many-legged creatures. She whispers strange words to them. Even Mother is tired of her inability to communicate normally with other people most of the time. But she's a kind person at heart, and as far as I know, she's not lacking in her duties as a wife and mother.
And because I realize she's now a mother, I try to stop what I'm thinking.
"Why don't you go see Jaehaerys and Jaehaera, then?"
I think of the twins – my four-year-old nephew and niece. I feel like they're growing up so fast while I remain unmarried. Perhaps my disfigured face and my status as a second born son who would be unlikely to inherit anything make me undesirable for a partner, unless there is a need for some kind of political alliance.
I'm not interested, anyway. I'd rather not have a woman I don't desire. And my taste in women is…not as crude as Aegon's. Sometimes, I can't help but think that my brother doesn't hesitate to touch any serving maids that are not too homely. It's a miracle that no women has come to us with any silver-haired bastard children.
"The nursemaids have probably put them to bed. I'd only disturb them." Helaena shrugs.
"So, what do you want to talk to me about, dear sister?" I ask, placing my hands on the balustrade and looking at the city below.
"I don't know. I guess I just want to know how you're doing these days," She says, mimicking my posture. "Don't you think it's strange? We both live in the Red Keep, and yet we have so little time to talk."
"Because you have a lot of critters to take care of, but I'm not one of them."
"And you're always busy with your training," says Helaena. "Aegon's always busy drinking and fooling around with other women."
I don't deny it, and I don't want to make any excuse for Aegon.
"But you don't want him to spend much time with you, do you?"
I glance at her as her white fingers knock softly and slowly on the stone surface.
"I suppose not. I bore him two children. That's enough." She sighs. "But I know – Mother thinks it's best for me not to know – but I know why some of Jaehaerys's and Jaehaera's nursemaids went away. And I know why those who stay avoid him like a plague."
"You always know more than you let on."
"And you always let on less than you feel."
I hold my breath.
Helaena places her hand on mine. It's so warm compared with the cold stone beneath my palm.
"I…heard," she whispers. "You once said, 'If only Mother had betrothed us…'"
I pull back my hand. My face suddenly feels hot. "That was when we were children."
"When you laid your eyes on me more openly than you do now."
"But Mother did not betroth us, and now you're wedded to Aegon." I look aside with my only eye.
Part of me wants to know the meaning of this conversation. It's rare for Helaena to speak so coherently for so long. Never had she said such things to me.
"I am married to the man I shouldn't have married the most. It would have been better to be wedded to Jacaerys."
Despite the urge to deny it, I found myself unable to argue her words. Even though we are on different sides, he treats Helaena with more respect than Aegon does. If it had been Jace, Helaena would have been happier in her married life.
Yet, anger flares in me because of those words.
"You would gladly be wedded to that bastard than a brother who shares your Targaryen blood? THIS isn't what you should say or even think!"
Helaena looks at me with fright in her eyes.
"...Aemond…"
"Go to bed. I'm leaving."
I turn away, but her small hand catches hold of my arm as she says what I least expect to hear.
"Had it been you, it would have been best."
I feel as if my whole body has been petrified.
"I…I just think that…if only I had married you," she mumbles, "you wouldn't be like Aegon, would you? At least you would visit me and the children more often. You wouldn't ignore me…"
I turn back and look at Helaena.
At first her face is downcast, but then she looks up at me. I see tears in her eyes and feel the trembles of her hand.
I sigh and take hold of her hand.
"Come. Let's go to bed."
She nods obediently like a child and let me lead her through empty stone corridors. But then she whispers, "Take me to your bed."
"Please do not jest, my dear sister."
"You think of my request as only a jest?" Helaena's hand clenches mine. "I'd never opened my heart to anyone like this. I can't help but think…If I have done my duties, can't I seek my own happiness just once. Or am I destined to our Sire's fate? Only able to see what he wishes for in his feverish dreams, intoxicated with the milk of the poppy. You were brave enough to claim Vhagar, and yet you don't have the heart to fulfill my wish."
I stand still, look at her sternly and whisper, "It's not good for you, for Aegon, for me, for anyone."
"...I guess so…" Helaena lowers her face. "You can't see what I see. You may think I'm even more blind than you are. But what I saw…if it shall be true, I'm afraid. But at the same time, I long to be in your arms, no matter what I must pay."
I remain silent. The words I heard faintly from her when I was arguing with Mother about me having no dragon enter my mind.
"He will have to close an eye."
I raise my hand to the leather eye patch that covers the sapphire which replaces my eye.
Those were Helaena's words before I claimed Vhagar at the price of one eye – struck by that bastard Lucerys.
"What exactly do you see, sister?"
Helaena smiles sadly. She shakes her head. The look on her face tells me it is a secret she will take with her to the grave.
And then, she kisses me.
I feel a wave of intense heat washing over me like a dragon's fire. I stand still, not knowing how to react when her soft lips brush against my lips, and her tongue begins to tease mine…
My first kiss in years after the Street of Silk is with my sister and sister-in-law.
I draw away from her, gently holding her back by the shoulders, looking at her as my heart's pounding in my chest.
Helaena must be feeling rejected. Her tears overflow when I shake my head.
"No. Not here," I whisper.
It's too dangerous. There may be eyes watching us in the dark.
I hold her hand and lead her quickly along the corridors, like a boy who has just found a peculiar bug in the garden and wants his sister to see it, like when we were young and had time to play all day long without any worries, back when I didn't feel pressured and humiliated for not having my own dragon.
Never mind that, we have grown up. There's no point in thinking about that now.
Soon, Helaena and I reach the door to my room.
There are no White Cloaks at the door. I never ask for one; I'm not a helpless woman or babe. And when there are royal guests, they are busy guarding them elsewhere.
I open the door for her. After I follow her and lock the door, she throws herself into my arms as if she has been waiting for so long.
Helaena's body is warm and faintly fragrant, like flowers. She clasps the nape of my neck and I let her pull me into a deep kiss.
I know it's wrong. But what is right, then? Is it right for Aegon to marry the woman I want to be with and to treat her with scorn? Is it right for him to lust for all those low-class harlots without any concern for her?
Aegon has everything without even lifting a finger. Without Rhaenyra and her bastard sons, he will be heir to the throne. He claimed Sunfyre so easily. Helaena was literally given to him.
He gorges himself with wine and pleasure while I study history and arms so that those bastards that took my eyes cannot hurt me or those I love again, so that I can protect the Iron Throne if it becomes his.
He gets everything, but what do I get?
"Aemond, I love you," Helaena whispers in my ears after she breaks away from our kiss. Our bodies are pressed to each other. "Let this night be ours. This is what I'll ask of you. No more, and no less."
I nod, reaching out to remove her clothes, as slowly and gently as she is worthy of.
I don't want to just satisfy my lust. She is more delicate and precious to me than any other woman. My heart beats faster as I see more and more of her white skin. I feel even more nervous than when Aegon dragged me along to a pleasure house on the Street of Silk, where I first laid with a woman.
For me, fornication is like wine. Surely it gives us satisfaction, but I'm never addicted to it. And common wine of the lower class never suits my taste.
Helaena is like mead from heaven. I caress the smooth skin of her back. My face lingers at the side of her neck as she slowly takes off my clothes.
"Do you love me, Aemond?" She whispers in my ear, "As a woman, not your sister or sister-in-law?"
"You already know the answer." I hug her naked body close to me, my lips teasing her earlobe.
She touches my cheek. "But I want to hear it from you."
I exhale slowly and take hold of her hand, kissing it gently.
"I love you, Helaena."
She kisses me on the lips again, before reaching for the leather patch that covers my left eye.
At first, I almost grab her hand instinctively, but then I let her touch it and remove it.
She looks at me with a sad smile, and kisses the scar above my sapphire eye without a word.
That is enough.
I lead her by the hand to my bed, where no other women had lain with me. My heart pounds even harder when I move down to kiss her breasts and her stomach.
I want her to feel pleasure I'd never given to anyone. She calls my name again and again as her hands caress my hair. I'm satisfied when her breaths become shorter and her body tenses before she lets out a sigh of content.
When I position myself over her body, Helaena pulls me into an intense kiss.
No words are spoken between us, but I know what we both want.
I know we're going to trespass into something forbidden, but why do I have to care? Our brother has never honored her as his wife. Why, then, do I have to care about him?
I hold her hand as I enter her.
Helaena moans softly. I feel the warmth of her body and the moisture that surrounds me. She clenches my hand as I move deeper.
"Aemond, I want you," she whispers.
I make love to her. Maybe this is the first time for both of us to be able to use that word with someone we sleep with. I want her to feel content, and she gives me a pleasure I didn't know before.
However, I almost forget something in the end.
I try to pull away from her, but Helaena holds me tight and tells me gently.
"It's all right, Aemond. He won't know. He will never know."
My breaths are shaky, but I laid my head on her breasts and let it be.
I fear I would put her in danger if our bond tonight shall bear fruit. But as we are all Targaryens with silver hair and purple eyes, how could Aegon and others know?
But then, how is what I just did different from Rhaenyra's actions? Shouldn't I be ashamed? No matter how unfaithful Aegon is, I have no right to touch his legitimate wife.
I utter a short laugh.
What am I to be so prepared to take whatever belongs to my older brother at any chance?
"It's all right, Aemond," Helaena repeats. "You did nothing wrong. We did nothing wrong. If there is to be our child…"
She says nothing more. I prop myself on my elbow and look at her.
"Our child?"
She refuses to meet my eyes and looks away, shaking her head and muttering as if she's in fear, "Choose…only one. No, I can't choose him. But his body…the butcher with his blade…I have no choice."
"Helaena!" I call her, shaking her shoulders. "What are you saying? I don't understand. Who do you have to choose? Who's the butcher?"
It takes her a moment to respond. When Helaena seems to realize where she is, she blinks rapidly. Then, she looks at me with tears in her eyes and holds me down, hugging me so tightly that it's hard for me to breathe.
"I…have to go…" She whispers. "Gone. They are gone. Aegon's not in our room, but he will be back."
I sigh. I guess our older brother's being drunk somewhere in Flea Bottom – and his White Cloak will have to drag him back, as it has happened before, again and again.
"But…the other one…He shall not return." Helaena's voice sounds as if she is still in a trance. "When the time comes, the sun in the morrow will never be the same."
I caress her sleek hair. Even though I don't understand a word she says, I know that asking her will not get me anywhere.
"I'll go with you to your room," I offer and get out of the bed to fetch her clothes.
Helaena is silent, obviously lost in thoughts, when I help her get dressed and take her to her chambers. Then I retire to my room.
It is in one morning, long after the night of the feast, that I realize who is the one who will not return with the sunlight.
Our Sire, Viserys the Peaceful.
Aegon tries to flee, but Criston Cole and I stand in his way. We bring him back for the coronation. The plot, long concocted by grandfather and his supporters, is swiftly executed.
I find myself thinking over and over about how unjust it is, especially when I recall my brother's pitiful attempt to run away.
Aegon strives so hard to reject the throne that is his birthright, but in the end he sits on it.
The Greens and the Blacks begin to fight. War is inevitable after the death of Lucerys at my folly, and I worry for Helaena and her three children.
Not long after the only night I stayed with her, she found herself with child, a son named Maelor.
I may be imagining it, but Helaena and Maelor are those whom I want to protect the most, even though I try to tell myself that I should love Jaehaerys and Jaehaera as equally as the boy.
I can only dream of that night, the night that remains a secret to all but Healena and me.
= = = = =
Author's Note: Thank you so much for reading this one-shot! I wrote this inspired by Season 1 Ep 8-9. Maelor's being Aemond's son is a theory I came up with as his birth takes quite a few years apart from his twin siblings and Aegon doesn't seem much interested in Helaena.
I tried to bridge the gap between the book Fire and Blood and the TV series. The feast and Viserys's death is actually 2 years apart, but the events are shown to progress quickly in the series.
