The next few weeks passed without anything major happening. I helped my mother on and off in the office with answering letters and paperwork. Laptops didn't work in our house because there was just too much magic around, we did have quite a lot of magic artefacts afterall, even if they weren't dark like the Malfoys, so all our communication had to be through letters. The window was constantly open, owls swooped in. Mother told the office there was a time we were prepared to receive letters and so for a few hours owls would be constantly swooping in and out. They were mostly asking for mother's opinion, advice, or telling her of issues in the business. I answered a fair amount of them for her. I was familiar enough with the current business my mother had been working with - the last three years - that I could answer some of them, though for other inquiries I would ask her some more questions for clarification if I didn't know.
I didn't need a job. Wealthy socialites were so well known for not working, and our image and reputations were so rampant throughout society, with a lot of business deals being influenced by our reputations and images, that if one of us were to get a job, it would raise many people's eyebrows. There might be suspicions we lost our wealth through risky decisions, we were in debt, we had committed a huge mistake. Reputations and images would plummet, some journalist might even try to write a scandal, or a filmmaker. The Weasley Twins came to mind from Hogwarts, 'the Rise and Fall of One of the Smelliest Pureblood Family's' - it would be something they'd love to speculate on, coming to mind as just one person who would jump to do it.
Jobs were bad for our image. It was expected this class of people not work.
I didn't need a job. It was detrimental to me if I got a job. I was making money of my wealth anyway.
Even though the bulk of the wealth was through inheritance, I had my own saving's account, and mother managed it to make money for me, lending it out to shrewd businessmen she trusted to turn it into a profit. It was making me interest whilst I'd slept.
I probably made more than some of my classmates did in a year. Never for the amount of work they did. I never got people that made fun of me for not having a job or working, and I've met many that would find that funny for some reason. Couldn't they see that logically not having a job and making money of my wealth was best for me? It was logically the best decision considering my circumstances? I thought they ought to applaud logic, the magic of that seems to have been lost on them.
I don't do nothing with my time though. I could learn how to invest my wealth to make greater money (unofficially) if I wanted to. Some wealthy socialites merely lived of their wealth and didn't grow it much. Some had an interest in growing it and made it into a game with themselves to grow it as high as possible in their lifetime. I could certainly do more in that direction if I wanted.
I could also spend my time dedicating myself to some magical art or branch of magic. If I so desired. Most of the Sacred 27 family's were heavily involved in magic. They lived, breathed and casted it every single day of their on average 137 3/4 years of life expectancy. Many great things had been discovered by witches and wizards in the later decades of their lives.
I could spend my entire adult life being enraptured, enchanted, fascinated, by some mysterious branch of magic. It would be following in the footsteps of a fair number of witches and wizards from pureblooded family's. (And of course, there would be profit to be made there...)
I could do whatever the situation called for. If I found myself in a series of events where I needed to get more involved with wealth, I'd do so. If I found myself with company that bought magical troubles that called for greater understanding of magic to defeat them, I'd do so. I could let life take me where I needed to be.
But what had been on the forefront of my mind and was pressing for this likely next decade of my life - my upcoming 20s even though I was 18 now - was recovering from the war. Because of the effect it had on pureblood lineages, people's perception of us, our relations to the wider wizarding society, keeping a good image after the war was over and going into the future, and marriage was just a part of that.
I didn't want to waste my time with a relationship that didn't work - no one did - but when there was the slightest chance, dangled in front of me like a carrot...
That, was where the complication lay.
Draco. Draco. You just gave me enough to complicate things post Hogwarts didn't you?
Do I play into your game, give it a chance, to make sure I don't regret there wasn't a chance of a real relationship with you? Can I even take being hurt again by you?
Or shall I just cut my losses, make it clear I am not interested in you ever again, and move on. You'd have to work super hard if you ever wanted me then and prove to me beyond doubt that it's me you love.
It was the complication of marriage, Draco, amongst keeping a good image and reputation in society that marked the next decade of my life most likely.
"What's the theme for the ball you're throwing next?" asked my mother.
"Fuchsia," I said, "I want enough of the war. No colours of green or light or dark. I'm not sending any messages of reminders of the war. Just a theme that corresponds to what I most want in life - to live in the present and be steeped in the present romances of my life."
Draco, Theo, were the Slytherins who had the most repairing to do after the war. Their parents were deatheaters I'm pretty sure. Draco might've been one too. All the other Sacred 28 family's had to do was show to the world we were indeed still wealthy, and high-class, even after the war. That war could not take away our class. There were different degrees of pureblood prejudice, we could look down on muggles and muggle-borns because they were mostly poorer than the old pureblooded family's and we associated them with a poor underclass, or we could look down on them because they were scum and deserved to be exterminated from the earth, which was the more troublesome viewpoint. Some degrees of prejudice were more forgivable than others.
It was actually possible for the pureblood family's to still uphold the status quo of prejudice after the war, as long as we did it safely. My biggest concern was to avoid people thinking I was of the lower-class, 'must personally murder' view when it came to prejudice. That, was the twist of events, reputation, that would ruin my image the most and cause the most humiliation and embarrassment. Anything else couldn't put a dent in my reputation.
Otherwise, I had little more repairing to do after the war. Just continue to portray a good image of my family in society to get more reputation and power, those were my plans for it.
"Draco Malfoy was a deatheater you know. Most people in the inner circle knows. He covers up his mark in long sleeves and since England is reasonably cold for most of the year, the uncanny weather allows him to get away with it," said my mother.
I felt my blood drain a little. During fifth to seventh year Draco acted weird at Hogwarts. It did come across my mind that he had potentially been initiated into some deatheater circle or activities, like everyone knew his father was, but back then at Hogwarts I didn't want to believe it. There was just enough disbelief, and just enough normalcy that Draco put on and acted with during all those years, that it was possible to believe he had never been a deatheater, never even touched the inner circle, and was just an individual going through a phase in his life where he was more withdrawn, quiet, or focused on other issues, than anything to do with deatheaterdom. Perhaps I had wanted to believe the latter because it made him so much simpler and easier to figure out somehow, that I still put a bit of hope behind it all.
I didn't doubt my mother's words. She was a straightforward person that said what was on her mind when she chose to speak. Those who doubted her words were fools, they'd picked the wrong person to doubt, she was almost always, right, even in the most uncanny statements.
"He did a good job of hiding it," I said as I filled out some bookkeeping paperwork. No one in Slytherin knew or suspected Draco was a deatheater. Or if people did they kept it deep within their hearts and no one spoke or discussed it aloud, meaning no one stopped Draco, no one tested him, no one watched him to see what he was up to or anything, he was able to get away with it except for some abstract notions from his classmates that he might've been a deatheater. Not even Theo did anything to stop him, slow him down, or otherwise get in his way. I'd say Draco was a fairly successful deatheater to be honest. He might've not accomplished whatever he was meant to because the light side had won, but he was a fairly good one for the most part.
"Theo Nott wasn't actually a deatheater. At least one person saw him with his sleeves up during the summer," said my mother.
This surprised me. Whereas Draco was a light blonde Theo was a dark glowering brunette with a glare for days, and the preference to work alone. He made the bare minimum amount of friends to avoid bullying throughout the Hogwarts years, but had ultimately been a loner ever since first year, preferring to go through most major life stages of that era alone. He also gave of a closed of and sullen vibe, the exact opposite of Draco's but twice as strong as Draco's slightly warmer vibe in comparison, and kept everyone at a distance from him. Theo also showed less hesitance towards violence and action than Draco did. If there was anyone that I could imagine in a hood, casting hexes or curses at muggles and muggle-borns, decrying the return of a dark lord, it was probably Theo.
"I still don't like him," I said, "he was never a likable nor useful person to anybody at Hogwarts." It was at this point that I realised I really didn't like Theo very much at Hogwarts. He had made very little impression on me and mostly faded into the background.
"He was probably Draco Malfoy's closest real confidant. It was only the Notts and the Malfoy's that became deatheaters and had children in Hogwarts that year. Whatever complicated thoughts and feelings Draco's had towards becoming a deatheater and carrying out the service of the dark lord for a few years of his life, it's likely Theo's heard more of that and possibly advised him on it as well. If Draco feels more awful about his role as a deatheater during the war, he'll cling onto Theo ever stronger and tighter. You better not piss of Theo if you want to keep Draco as your friend," said my mother.
"Draco never liked Theo," I said.
"You can dislike people for a reason, and like them for another. You've had frenemies haven't you?" said my mother.
"I suppose," I said. I groaned a bit, "sounds like they possibly have a complicated relationship then. I wouldn't like to piss Theo of because I don't even know what it's like. Or how much Draco relies on Theo for...a feeling of normalcy I suppose. Looks like he's the only one out of everyone at Hogwarts that became a deatheater."
"Theo was probably the next in line, so he's the closest to understanding what Draco's feeling," said my mother, "if you want a relationship with Draco. You can't forget the effect of the war on him."
"I shall change the theme to green and pink then," I said, "pink for romance, blooming from the green. To show that anyone who was associated with Slytherin doesn't have to stay in the dark forever, or in embarrassment or shame, there is rebirth, regrowth, all of that."
"You better actually understand him then," said my mother, "Draco would feel most comfortable with a girl that understood his complicated feelings towards the war and why exactly he became a deatheater and there might be some other girls who fit the description better."
An ink blot appeared on the letter. I threw it in the bin and got out a new one, cursing my negligence in the heat of the moment. "Who?" I could barely keep the rage out of my voice. "I'm the best girl there is for him. I've always been. Ever since the beginning of Hogwarts. Everyone would say I'm the most suitable girl for him! If it wasn't me I'd think he married someone from abroad because he couldn't face anyone in England again! I can't think of any other girl...!"
It wasn't for lack of trying. I'd carefully seized up and judged all the other girl's in my dormitory and Slytherin through all of my years there and thought they were appropriate for him none. If there was I would've bullied them to the nines. I did not want anyone to take what was mine. I didn't care about any other boy like that, just Draco. He meant that much to me.
"Pansy, you're good with people, you can understand others. But the problem is that you're self-centred, all your thoughts revolve around yourself and what directly concerns you. You wouldn't know which other girl's Draco's considering," my mother said.
I completed the rest of the paperwork in a scowl. I didn't like to admit I had flaws. For the longest time I believed I was perfect until an awful argument I had with Athena two years before I began Hogwarts. It was patched up and we had no hard feelings towards each other, but it was the first time I entertained the notion I wasn't perfect, and that bought to me a feeling of rage, anger, fury, like no other. Since then I've admitted I might occasionally have flaws, and saw myself as a flawed person, but I usually liked to think I was functionally perfect and this feeling of imperfection and being a human being, wasn't something I'd liked to have very much.
It was true however, that when it came to a discussion about my flaws, my selfishness was a main one. It was my biggest one and the one mother had been critiquing for all my life if she ever critiqued me at all.
"None of the girls at Hogwarts are particularly caring or unselfish," I said, "they're all suck-ups. Maybe Draco's gone on to court a nice girl from France. I hear Bill Weasley managed to shackle up with Fleur. It's not the most surprising thing however. He's probably the most decent out of all the Weasley kids," I said.
Fred and George I disliked. I'm not really much of a person fond of practical jokes. Ron was someone Draco disliked with a passion so I took some of that passion as well and made it mine. For all the years at Hogwarts I disliked Harry, Ron, Hermione, all the people Draco disliked. The girl Ginny was the most low-class girl I'd ever met out of all the girls I knew. She looked like she had never seen anything expensive nor rich in her life, the way her jaw dropped at certain times even just in Diagon Alley, or the look of discomfort that came over her face when she had to deal with people used to that kind of life was offputting. I felt like she would constantly be uncomfortable to spend even just one day with people of my friends or I class.
Her mannerisms were ungodly awful. The sort of thing among rough boys. She wasn't unattractive, but she spent barely any time on her looks and didn't make the most of it. She was also not someone who ever entertained me, had anything of interest to me, and had she been in my year I would've probably bullied her, or wanted to, like Granger. So my impressions of her were not exactly positive.
I barely remembered anything else about the other Weasley's. Which was probably a good thing. I did hear that Bill was head boy and attractive, so there was that. He sounded like the most decent of the lot.
The ball quickly came. The ballroom and other open rooms were decorated to the nines. I invited everyone at Hogwarts, and many more people. Several hundred filled the venue. This was a message that I was wealthy enough to host balls without caring about the money lost, that I didn't even think twice about it, that I was doing fine. The Parkinson's were doing fine after the war. Better than you actually - that you wanted to be us, but couldn't. I needed to throw a couple more to really cement the idea, but already I could see the gears clicking in many people's heads as they gawked around. This was a ball with more lower class people than high class so you could really see what a peasant's reaction looked like.
Already I could see the feeling of hopelessness settle over them. That they could work so hard but never be us. That it was hopelessly out of reach. Good. They all contributed positively to our image.
Were the upper class purebloods truly out of the reach though? Not exactly, but the way to get in our inner circles wasn't quite the way many people expected nor would think.
To my surprise Draco offered his hand and quickly swept me into the first dance of the day - a fast foxtrot because this was the second major ball since the war ended and we were getting into the groove of things better. I groaned inwardly as we danced. I ought to have started practicing ballroom dancing again in my room when no one was around in preparation for the balls so that I wasn't so out of breath or fearful of messing up the steps everytime I danced. The ball season had started all over again, and it was stupid to not do any practice at home.
Draco, if he noticed, gave no sign of it. He didn't show any signs of getting tired nor forgetting the steps, instead always confidently sweeping me into the next stanzas of the dance and doing it so smoothly it was like it was programmed into him and he couldn't possibly forget at all. Draco had always been athletic, I remembered that at Hogwarts, when I used to watch him play Quidditch and cheer for him on the sides. Truthfully I didn't think he was good at Quidditch, I'd always thought he was better at things like long distance running, dance perhaps, but Quidditch didn't seem to suit him. He wasn't exactly built for it, but it was the only sport Hogwarts offered and he probably wanted to do a sport to be popular during his time there.
He was rushed into the spot of seeker in my opinion. Bribed his way in in second year, a little too young, he wasn't given that much training before he flew for the first time where he didn't do as well. After that the quidditch captain thought he was just lousy at Quidditch and didn't expect much more. I don't think he was ever truly given much real training and I always felt like he underperformed when I cheered him on. I still cheered him on however, to keep up appearances.
"Lost in your thoughts?" said Draco after a few moments. We had finished the foxtrot and were now doing a viennese waltz. It was the same one as last time. There were only really a few dances most socialites knew of by heart that we did anyway. At my first ball I found it more interesting to dance, but later on it sort of became boring. The same moves every time.
"No, how have you been since the last ball?" I asked him.
Truthfully I did not like thinking too much of the past nor future, just the present. I would've stayed in the present more except for the few memories that came to me about the past when I was with Draco, or sometimes just reflective of life in general. The reason why Draco bribed his way to be seeker in second year was because Harry Potter was allowed to become seeker in first year even though there was a school rule for several centuries that first year's couldn't be seeker's. The reason why Draco didn't even care to tell the Quidditch Captain he wasn't being trained properly as a seeker after he got on the team and was mostly ignored in the team's general training session's was because Draco was so hung up on the strong Slytherin team culture to beat Harry Potter, smash him to the ground, slaughter him, that he went along with it, and completely forgot about the technique part of his role as Seeker in the team.
Or it only came to him as an afterthought.
I always thought had Draco waited several years, then tried out and properly been trained and seen for the talent he was, instead of the bribe he gave, he would've gotten even better training, done even better. It was because of Harry Potter he screwed up his Quidditch career at Hogwarts in my opinion.
I had a little bit of personal irritation, hatred and annoyance to Harry because of that.
Because of many things actually.
Harry, Ron and Hermione got away with breaking rules the others didn't. They got away with being mean to Draco or the Slytherins and no teachers ever spotted it. We got in trouble for picking on them sometimes but the opposite didn't happen. They used their privilege of being Gryffindors, on the light side, and favoured by the school teacher's, to get a relatively easy time through Hogwarts.
This annoyed me. This annoyed everyone in Slytherin. This annoyed Draco, which by extension annoyed me.
It was like the three of them were stupid little thorns shooting up again and again when I rehashed old memories. I could not forget about them, they were some sort of bitter painful mark on what otherwise would've been seven great years of pureblood, wealthy, socialite Slytherins being top of the food chain.
I usually didn't like to think much of the past but if there was ever a thing that bothered me, memories of the trio would be it.
"The last ball? What a tragically long time ago. My apologies for not seeking out your company sooner. I've been busy," was all Draco said.
I frowned. I wasn't liking this polished, polite version of him. At Hogwarts he'd always been polite, but he had an air of casualness to him. I noted he was often politer at balls and pureblood events, even when we were children, and now it seemed when we were adults as well, it was like he shrugged on an entirely new persona there. I wasn't sure I liked it.
"Life has been reasonably eventful for me too. I did not suffer much from your absence," I said politely. It was reasonably eventful. I wouldn't say I suffered from his absence - missing him - but rather from memories of the last time we tried a relationship.
"We'd have to dance more. It'll be nice to do it a few more times than just these public affairs," Draco drawled. It could've been a jab at my dancing skills, but usually for ball season couples that were very close, on the verge of marrying or getting engaged, would see each other in person outside of the balls and sometimes dance together. They were also the ones better and more into it at the balls. It could've also been his idea of a get together outside of these public events.
"Oh no not dancing - I don't really enjoy it," I said truthfully, "I'd prefer to just practice with a tutor at my pace. Maybe we could go horseback riding instead?"
Horseback riding was the only thing remotely athletic that I enjoyed. I didn't like to play Quidditch much myself, though I cheered for the appropriate players and teams at times when it was on.
"That could be arranged. We got new horses after the war. You have to meet Nutmeg, she's a beautiful golden horse that I think you'd like," said Draco.
I liked horses partially because it didn't feel like that much physical activity whilst I was riding them, but also because they were pretty. Like handbags one could collect, and you could order the prettier looking ones for a bit more like how you'd buy a handbag for a bit more. Walking through stables of beautiful horses of rare breeds and seeing the beauty to the human eye they could offer sounded like a good day to me.
"What happened to the horse's from before the war?" I asked. I heard the Dark Lord didn't exactly have his own place or anything so he hosted events at the residence's of the deatheaters. I'd always considered the Malfoy Manor being a possibility for those meetings but hated the idea of it. Of my beautiful dream of marrying into the Malfoy's, their beautiful residence of luxury and excess, upper-class, Draco, a nice upper class boy, tainted by the remnants of darkness all around. Of the crazy political coup that was the deatheaters and the Dark Lord bringing all their insane lunatic ideas into the heart of the beautiful aristocratic Malfoy Manor. I wouldn't have wanted to believe it was true but here I was asking, trying to see if I could get more information on it.
Did I want more information on Draco's involvement with the deatheaters during the war? Yes, I wanted that and more. But was I able to easily get it? Some secrets were well and truly hidden. It would take me quite a bit of time to know, and that was what Draco might've been willing to tell me in particular. Even he would reach his limits on how much to confide in me if we weren't truly married or close to it.
"Put down humanely. It's too dangerous to keep pets during the war. Chaotic. We haven't bothered with pets after. They're far too much work really, and there's none that were particularly interesting nor beautiful we wanted around. Horses were a necessity though, so we got them back. Maybe we should start having horse races," said Draco, "invite the good sort of the wizarding folk. The type that would appreciate the excess. Sends the right message."
The music was fairly loud and we were fairly close so it was just words meant for the two of us.
"Mmm, I wouldn't be riding. I like it recreational, not for a race or anything," I said.
"Of course, I never said you would ride. I'd be the one racing," he said, a little bit of pompous arrogance in his voice that reminded me of him at the Hogwarts days. Something more personable than the polite demeanor he put on sometimes.
I smiled a little. "You'd be better at that than Quidditch. I don't know why the Quidditch Captain never trained you up right. You had so much more potential and could've done better - you were done rotten."
"Marcus Flint, that's the Quidditch Captain. I don't know why you'd think that. You're the only one that thought I did awful," said Draco, "everyone else thinks I did fine."
That was true. I'd complained about Draco's Quidditch as one of the only things that bothered me during my time at Hogwarts to the other girl's in the dorm, and I was the only one who noticed, saw it, and complained about it. The others all didn't notice until I did and even then none truly cared enough to add their own passion towards the crime, they merely nodded along to whatever I said and then I didn't bother to complain about it anymore because it was clear I was the only one who cared enough. I did feel like I was an enigma though, stuck out like a sore thumb when I did.
There were many things about my relationship with Draco, how much I stood up for him, sucked up for him, cared or noticed about him, that only I knew and felt. No other girl walked the same pathway or experience.
"I'm the only one that thinks a lot of things about your Hogwarts' days remember?" I said.
There was a look in Draco's eyes that said he did. Our closeness. Our intimate moments from first year up to the end, just the two of us who picked up on the intensity or memories or feelings. There was a look that said he did.
"I'll send you an owl with invitations for a day at the stables, then out to the surrounding countryside around my home. It has been a while and there's new sights to see, changes of scenery, I thought you might appreciate. As I've always said, it's always worth going out to see the surrounding countryside once in a while," he said.
"My pleasure," I said.
When the dances finished and we were obligated to dance with more partners Daphne winked at me. 'Lucky,' she mouthed, 'an invitation with Draco Malfoy. You're the envy of many at the party.'
When I was done dancing with Theo, Goyle (Crabbe wasn't there - sorrow flowed through me but I managed to quench it and maintain normal emotions at the ball), Blaise, and countless other guys, I found myself with the girls from my dorm and the rest of Hogwarts again, gossiping slightly.
"You were so cute with Draco, are you a thing?" Lisa Turpin asked with her eyes wide.
"I wish I could be you Pansy," said Marietta. She was commonly thought of as Cho's friend, the Ravenclaw seeker, but they were actually in different grades. Cho was a year older than her, and probably smarter, and prettier, more popular. Which was why Marietta used their house connection to suck up to her. Marietta was always following Cho around, always warm to her, soft to her. Cho it seemed found it within herself to be kind to Marietta and the two were friends and seen wondering around together at school for some things I thought. But I never like Marietta much. She was the biggest suck-up of them all outside of Slytherin house.
She had little redeeming value unlike Mandy Brocklehurst or some of the others. She was just a suck-up.
"You're living everyone's dream," breathed Sue Li.
"I'm writing an article about this," sighed Celestia. Thanks for the warning before I read your shitty tabloidesque article about all of this. I thought. But thanks for making the image of unattainable purebloods look good. Thank you for that.
"We are just friends. He is of my class so it is only natural we have more to do with each other," I said.
Draco and I were nowhere near exclusive yet. So I wasn't going to portray us as such. Even then though, just Draco's presence was making all the girl's go crazy and I could already feel the bubble of luxury, excess, chatter, everything, wash over me just from a little bit of public interaction with him.
