TRIGGER WARNING - There are big mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide. Also elements of abuse throughout the story. Please read with caution.
Lucy trudged off miserably to Arts and Crafts. Natsu had wandered off somewhere and she hadn't asked whether he was going to attend or not since that would indicate that she care cared. Which she didn't. The last thing Lucy needed was people getting the wrong idea about herself and Natsu Dragneel.
Dragneel, Dragneel… Where had she heard that name before? She could swear she knew that name, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out where she had heard it.
The blonde sighed again and wrapped her arms around her torso, holding herself together. Something she felt she had to do when she was feeling blue, which she felt very, very suddenly. Lucy never knew when it would hit her, which only made it more annoying and painful when it did.
She hadn't noticed any difference in her episodes since taking the pills Gildarts had given her, so she assumed she would have to wait for any effects. She supposed she had only been taking them for a few weeks so she probably shouldn't expect much so soon.
Lucy grit her teeth before rounding a corner of the very school like halls to press her back to a wall as the other patients continued to walk past. She pulled up the left sleeve of her jacket so she could look at the angry scars that marked her wrist. She pressed her thumb to the veins under the skin of her wrist and hissed.
She had to cut. She needed it. It hurt. It hurt not the do it. It felt like the blood in the veins of her wrist had been replaced with crushed glass. It ground together when she pressed it. This wasn't a good pain. This was the pain that signifies what she wanted. What she needed.
But Lucy wasn't stupid, and neither was this stupid institute. She knew she wouldn't find any unattended scissors, pencil sharpeners or razors just lying around for her to snatch. She knew this and it pissed her off. But there was one thing that this place institute forget.
She lifted her fingers to inspect her nails. Lucy had always taken good care of her nails for this reason. If she had ever forgot her blade to school or anywhere else, these would be nearly as effective.
The halls had grown quiet, and Lucy knew that if she didn't get this over with her absence would be noticed soon. She was still new kid after all, so they would be careful.
Lucy bit her bottom lip before she pressed her thumb nail over the skin just below the inside of her elbow where she could more easily hide the wound. She let it sting for a moment before she finally jerked her hand down and sighed as the nail broke the skin and drew blood.
She let it rest for a while before dragging it horizontally, making a perfect yet deep slice just below her inner elbow.
It was bliss. Fucking bliss. Blood dotted from the wound before dripping down her arm. She didn't stop there. Her jacket was dark, the blood wouldn't show when she pulled the sleeve down, so she risked two more slits in her already overly marked skin.
She started to hear voices when she got halfway through her fourth wound and pulled her sleeve down. The arm looked fine, but her hand didn't. Blood coated her thumb and her hand, so she quickly thrust her hands into her pockets as Levy and Laxus rounded the corner where she sat.
"Lucy," Levy breathed as she scurried to the blonde's side and searched her eyes. Lucy felt a wave of guilt as soon as she considered the kind girl's eyes. The smaller woman was completely oblivious as to what Lucy had just done. Lucy then looked over to Laxus who eyed her cautiously. Lucy guessed he wasn't as dense as Levy.
"What were you doing?" he asked in a low, guarded voice, as he turned and led the two to the Arts and Crafts room. He looked over his shoulder to Lucy, obviously expecting an answer. She decided it was safe to walk besides Levy, but she had yet to make that decision about the taller blonde.
"I just got a little overwhelmed, I guess," Lucy said in a small yet firm voice and shrugged, her hands still buried deeply in her pockets. Her hands clenched into fists within the pockets as Laxus continued to inspect her before accepting the answer and offering the blonde a nod.
"You had us worried there, Lucy," he told her as he opened the door to the Art room. "We thought you'd ran off."
Before she could respond she was met by another teacher who grinned happily at her. He had blue hair and oddly, a crimson tattoo over one of his eyes. His eyes sparkled with kindness and Lucy felt unease clench in her stomach.
"Hello there, Lucy," he said gently. Lucy released a strained sigh. "My name is Jellal and I'm going to be your Arts and Crafts teacher."
Lucy offered a meek smile through the pain, still slightly buzzed but she froze as he held a hand out to her.
"Nice to meet you," he said, and Lucy nodded in return and looked up to Levy. She tried to look scared or something. It's not like she could just say: "Oh, I would shake your hand, but you see, I was feeling a little down and figured that clawing at my own skin sort that out. Now my right hand is blood stained and it would be rather difficult to shake your own hand with my left, right? Sorry!"
"U-um…" Levy's eyes flooded with concern, and she wrapped an arm around the blonde woman's shoulders and offered Jellal an apologetic smile. Lucy stiffened at the contact and fought the urge to shake the arm off.
"Lucy was late since she felt a little overwhelmed." She explained and Jellal's own eyes narrowed with worry as they landed on Lucy.
Her stomach clenched with guilt. Why did she keep feeling guilty? She never had before - Why do all these people have to care so much about every little thing?
"You do look a little pale," he told Lucy, his eyes concerned. "Did you sleep enough last night?"
Lucy laughed dryly. "Define enough."
Jellal shook his head and whispered something to Levy before smiling kindly at Lucy.
"You go back to your room and sleep, okay? I'll send a councillor in there to check on you later, just leave the door open. Sound good?"
Lucy smiled gratefully and suppressed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, but you already sent Levy out once to come find me. I'll be fine walking on my own."
"Oh, I don't think that I can allow that. You see, I can't let a new pupil to just wander around the hospital on their own."
Lucy swallowed a scoff. Pupil? She was just another one of their patients. Thankfully, a voice interrupted her musings.
"It's fine, Jellal."
The three turned to see Natsu stood in the doorway, his eyes hard on the blonde.
"I'll walk her back and find Erza. You guys enjoy the session."
Without another word, Natsu stepped forward and grabbed Lucy's wrist and led her swiftly away from the room.
"Hey," She grumbled when they were out of hearing-range, pulling her wrist free of his grip. "What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" he snapped, still walking ahead of her.
Lucy froze and eyed Natsu warily as they walked. He was being weird, but she didn't have time to figure out why. She already felt that familiar burning in her arm and she doubted she'd ever get this much privacy again. Natsu just needed to go away. Eventually they halted in front of her plain door.
"Okay, well, thanks," She started awkwardly. Natsu just sneered and opened her door from behind her, letting himself in.
"Um, excuse me? Are you trying to piss me off today?" Lucy asked in disbelief as she reeled in after him. Natsu just shook his head and slammed her door behind her. The blonde blinked. He wasn't allowed to do that.
Lucy turned her eyes up to his expression. There was anger but there was clearly some concern.
"Natsu," Lucy said slowly. She backed away from him, farther into her room as apprehension began gnawing in her stomach. Did he...? No. He couldn't have.
"What's wrong?"
Natsu didn't answer. All he did was step forward and before her. With a blank expression, he pulled her left arm towards him and jerked her sleeve up to expose her arm.
