Happy Halloween Hiccanna Nation!
So I was talking with my buddy Celyn about Dracula Daily and how Jonathan Harker has some of the biggest Anna Energy I have ever seen (i.e. the appreciation of good food, the general desire to give people the benefit of the doubt perhaps a little more than is wise, politeness even in the most dire of situations, the aggressive focus on the positive in the face of imminent doom, the general vibe of "ah no! I can't let my people down! Gotta push through even when things get dicey!", whether it be with sketchy real estate deals or your sister accidentally freezing the kingdom etc etc), and there's already some pretty suspiciously romantic undertones between Jon and Drac, so I was like "OMG Dracula Daily AU for Hiccanna Month? DRACULA DAILY AU FOR HICCANNA MONTH?" And here we are XD
Fwiw I can totally see Hiccup being a loving househusband who spends his time nerding out over books on places he's interested in, so it works, fight me. Also, I think Hiccup deserves to do the spooky little castle lizard crawl. As A Treat! And lawyer!Anna? Immaculate. She has Elle Woods vibes and I intend to see her put them to full use. Anyways these two invented girlboss/malewife in this fic and I love that for them.
Not me legit doing an internet deep dive researching Transylvanian food for this, just so I could do justice to Anna's foodie/generally-food-preoccupied tendencies XD That's basically the only aspect of this I have any confidence is like...sort of accurate to the source material. Apologies in advance for any general anachronisms and/or inaccuracies in the way property attorneys and property law are portrayed here (property law practice was something admittedly a bit heavy to research for a fanfiction XD). I got most of my lawyer info from the Dracula emails themselves, and I tried not to use any anachronisms that don't feel like they'd show up in Frozen or HTTYD themselves, so hopefully it reads all right. It prolly doesn't feel as much like an old-timey period piece as I was hoping for, but hopefully I ensnared at least a little bit of the classic spooky gothic vibes. Idk.
I decided to try underlining instead of italicizing for emphasis to give the whole thing a more, like..."handwritten journal" feel? No idea if it worked, but I tried! XD (Also, in case you're wondering, Anna starts off her journal entries with "Hi friend" because she considers her journal her friend!)
Is this more wholesome than the OG Dracula? Oh yeah, absolutely! Did I keep the impeccable comedy of the original book while swapping out the more horrific parts for a fluffest and angstfest of a romance that would probably make Bram Stoker turn in his grave? Definitely! Listen, I was too jam-packed with internalized misogyny to have a Twilight phase in 2008, so I gotta get that angsty vampire romance nonsense out of my system now before it consumes me. So something something AU of "what if the real-estate-buying vampire...wasn't evil? What if he was a sadboi instead?" Sometimes I get to have a few supernatural monster sadbois who get girlfriends anyways. As A Treat.
(Also yes, Anna caring more about workplace romances being unprofessional than dating a dude who sucks blood is the hill I will die on because a) it's absolutely hysterical to me and b) it feels oddly in-character? Girlie will give you the benefit of the doubt to ridiculous extents, but not if it gets in the way of important duties and responsibilities! She also has fried post-BAR brain so like. That doesn't HELP-)
So, without further ado, join me for this fun, wacky jaunt into the life of newly-certified lawyer Anna, going on a business trip to Transylvania and hoping to collect some local recipes for her two recently-engaged best friends! She hardly expects to be so taken with her first client's eccentricities, nor did she ever dream that a rather inconvenient and unprofessional crush on him would blossom, but life is full of surprises! Featuring Merida and the Thorston twins as Count Haddock's slightly-unhinged freeloading eternal roommates, and a little Jackunzel on the side-as a treat!
(Not me thinking about how if I had the drive to make this a longer thing the endgame pairing would probably be Hijannunzel to pay homage to the shameless polyamory of the source material akbsahydgewoyvd)
Hi friend,
Anna Runeardsen here! Or should I say Certified Property Attorney Anna Runeardsen here! My god, I still can't believe I passed the BAR. I passed the BAR! I PASSED THE BAR!
Anyways, you already knew that. Duh. I've said it like 5 times in my other letters. I'm just still in shock. Like I go to law school thinking "let's see what happens! Maybe I'll flunk out!" but then I didn't? And here I am! Those all-nighters took years off my life I'm never getting back, though. My brain still kind of feels like mamaliga.
Wow. I have a lot of news. I don't really know where to start, because a ton of stuff has happened since I last wrote. Maybe I'll kick this off with the little things?
So first off, my god, the other night I had the BEST roast chicken! Literally so good! I don't know what it is about the cooking here—maybe turning it over a blue fire gives it a slightly different flavor? I mean yeah, I don't know for sure Count Haddock's been cooking with those blue inferno circle things, but maybe that's what gives it the kinda extra-savory, smoky flavor? Anyways, he gave me the recipe! Turns out he just used some salt and pepper and cloves and a bit of saffron and then drenched it in this olive oil mix. I'll have to see if it tastes any different when I try making it back home in Oslo. I'll add the recipe to the collection I'm giving to Jack and Punzie.
Can I just say, by the way, how GREAT that is going? I've only been here a few days, and I've already got 5 recipes! I've got mamaliga, paprika chicken, mititei, szekelyalmas, and the Count Haddock Roast Chicken Special! At this rate, I'll have a whole bookful of them by the time I go back to Norway. Actually, I think I am gonna bind what I have into a nice little book, and give it to Jack and Punz as a wedding gift. It'll be so exciting to make all this new food!
I still can't believe Jack and Punz are finally getting married, honestly. Took him long enough to propose! I seriously thought I was going to have to fail and retake the BAR a few more times, and THEN maybe they'd finally be engaged. Right before the big boss man sent me on this special mission, Punzel told me Jack stumbled up to her by the fountain in her estate garden and started rambling incoherently. He pulled out the ring, and his hands were shaking so badly that he dropped it in the fountain? So Rapunzel sees and she notices Jack was doing really bad at the whole talking thing, so she diffuses the tension by saying "well, if we're wishing on things we're throwing in the fountain, I wish you'd marry me!" And then she picks up the ring and proposes to HIM with it! Let me tell you, it was the funniest thing. I have to work on that maid of honor speech when I get the chance. They're my two best friends in the world, and I want to do them justice!
But back on the topic of food! Did I mention Count Haddock does all his own cooking? I think he's kind of embarrassed about it because he keeps pretending like he has a whole kitchen staff. When he gave me the roast chicken recipe, he said "here, let me go fetch it from the chef" and ran off into the hall, but…then I heard him doing this thing where he was like…stepping more and more quietly to make it seem like he was getting farther away? And then I could have sworn I heard him scribbling something? Anyways, he gets back with the recipe and there is no WAY he had time to go all the way down to the kitchen.
I don't know what his deal is. The boss would probably say it's a rich person thing. I don't know why they're so ashamed about cooking? I mean, I'm not RICH rich or anything, but I've cooked loads of times and I never developed the black plague or leprosy or what have you. And look at Rapunzel—her family is drowning in money, and she still plays around in the kitchen! She loves keeping busy and hanging out with the kitchen staff, but it doesn't make her any less of a fancy lady.
I've been trying to get Count Haddock to open up about his cooking. You know, stuff like raving about how good it is, compliments to the chef, et cetera et cetera, in sort of a wink-wink-nudge-nudge kind of way. A lot of the men back home really brighten up when I shower them with compliments, so I was hoping Count Haddock would do the same. Sometimes the fellows will even try to one-up you and start gloating about their accomplishments!
Not Count Haddock, though. He seemed nervous, and just mumbled that he'd be sure to tell all that to the cook. I DO think I saw him blushing? Kind of hard to tell—his skin is this pale whitish, and it turned kind of grayish for a second. I wonder why his blood looks so weird. I shouldn't pry, though.
He's actually SUCH a sweet host, and I wish he wouldn't be so self-conscious about it! Like I'm not going to judge him for not having servants. I think it's admirable how hard he works, doing everything himself! Did you know I caught him making my bed the other day? GOD, so many men I know wouldn't be caught dead doing "woman's work" or "commoner's work" or whatever. He's so humble! He really wants me to be comfortable, even if he has to do all the work on his own. Imagine what a thoughtful and attentive husband he would make! It's not every day you find a man who's willing to help with the housework without complaining every step of the way.
I MEAN—
I shouldn't be talking like this. He's my client, for god's sake, and I have to keep our relationship professional! The entire firm is counting on me succeeding! But sometimes I just—well, I don't know. He keeps leaving these little mints on my pillow, and even the nicest places I've stayed don't do that. I mean, they give me maybe 1 mint when I check in or something, but not every night or anything like that. He's so consistent! Sometimes the mints even have a little chocolate coating, and I have to wonder if he remembers me saying I'm really into chocolate?
Maybe it's just a coincidence. Either way, it's a nice gesture.
Count Haddock is honestly such an interesting person. Unusual, but like…in the best kind of way. He's so into Oslo—has a whole shelf of books about it and everything. I came in the other day and caught him reading…an Oslo train schedule? A little boring for my taste, but it's nice to see someone with an appreciation for our public transportation systems. They're not half bad, if I do say so myself.
I started talking to him in the library the other day, and the time completely got away from me. I just got so swept up in the conversation, and he was so excited, telling me all the things he learned from his books and recounting his old family stories. Did you know Norway is apparently his ancestral home? He said his ancestors used to tame dragons there! DRAGONS! They've been extinct for hundreds of years now, as far as I know, but Count Haddock's family saw them with their own eyes! I think that's part of why he wants to move to Oslo. To him, it feels much more like a homeland than Transylvania does.
I asked how he ended up in Transylvania, and he got super sad—completely crushed, honestly. I felt so bad! Told him we could drop the topic if he wanted. But he insisted it was fine, saying it was only natural to be curious. Apparently there was some huge war in Scandinavia all those years ago, and his ancestors and their dragons fought side by side. Then a terrible evil guy named Drago Bludvist found a way to control the dragons and possessed them all to leave Count Haddock's ancestors and their village. One of his ancestors was the next in line to be chief, and his dragon was killed in battle. His spirit was too broken to keep fighting after that.
It was a little weird—he looked so downtrodden and miserable when he talked about his ancestor's dragon dying. If I didn't know better, I'd say HE was the one who lost a dragon. That would be ridiculous, though—no one lives to be THAT old. I guess he feels like…really intimately connected with his past family, and all their pains and struggles. It's kind of inspiring, in a weird way—if not a little atypical.
Anyways, he says with their dragons gone, his ancestors were overwhelmed by Bludvist's armies and had to flee. Considering all the literal dragons this Bludvist guy had at his disposal, no surprise, I guess, that he was able to chase them all the way across the continent. The only place they could find to hide was tucked away in these imposing-looking mountains, where they eventually built a fortress of sorts. They've been there ever since—well, Count Haddock has, anyways. He's the last of his family's descendants, and the rest of his ancestors' village dispersed long before he was born.
Seems lonely, honestly. I asked him how he managed, with no family to keep him company, and he claims the servants are company enough. That just made my heart hurt, since I know damn well he doesn't have a single staff member waiting on us. Seems to me like Count Haddock's been alone for longer than he'd care to admit, and he doesn't want to admit how painful isolation can be.
I would know. I remember how hard it was, watching Elsa get lost in her head as she fought demons I couldn't see. How alone I felt when she was right next to me, but her eyes betrayed she wasn't really there.
For a long time I worried the loneliness would eat me up. Thank all the powers that be that Jack and Punz pulled me out of all that.
Anyhow! Enough of that depressing dribble. Count Haddock told me about all kinds of fascinating things, and just—his eyes were shining so bright and he was so giddy and so excited and he was grinning so big (yeah, I know I should probably be concerned about the fact that two of his top teeth are honed into these long, sharp points that don't look very natural…but they look so pretty when he smiles! How can I hate them?) and I couldn't bear to stop him. Then, before I knew it, it was morning already! Can you believe I was up all night talking to him? It really only felt like a few minutes! Went a lot faster than all those nights I stayed up studying, that's for sure.
Count Haddock said he had to take care of some business when sunrise rolled around, and…wow. As soon as I left, the exhaustion decided to come back from lunch—or wherever it skipped off to when the Count was with me. The distinct feeling of numbing, on-the-brink-of-death emptiness and muddy swamp brain I remember from my exam-taking days hit me like one of those trains Count Haddock is so fond of. I decided to take a nap, and I feel a lot better now.
Can I tell you something, friend? I know I shouldn't be saying this. It's probably out of line, considering Count Haddock is a man of class and high status and all, but…okay, I'll say it. (I know you won't tell.) I'm worried about him. Sometimes I hear him letting out plaintive wails in the middle of the night, when I guess he thinks no one is listening. Or shuffling down the halls, looking sullen and miserable and muttering about what a terrible monster he is. I'm a little surprised—I mean, the men back home ARE embarrassed when they have to do housework or kitchenwork, but I've never seen any of them spiral into such a vat of self-loathing over…I don't know, making a bed and cooking a chicken that they call themselves a MONSTER over it. Seems a little rude to people who actually DO those kinds of menial things for a living, but maybe I'm misinterpreting. Maybe he's talking about something else. You have to be open to a number of different scenarios when looking for an explanation—in my line of work, at least.
Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as bad as he thinks. Take it from me—sometimes you're so sure you're the worst person in the world and totally not good for anything, and then you graduate law school and pass the BAR! Count Haddock is a kind man, and he shouldn't be so hard on himself for being unconventional. He's a fantastic homemaker, a charming conversationalist, and an excellent cook! What could he hate about himself so much?
There IS one thing that's a tad off-putting, but it's probably not too big a deal.
The other night, I went out to find him—mainly to tell him I think he's wonderful and appreciate his hospitality. I don't know how long he's been alone here, and since he seems to regard himself so poorly…well, I don't know how long it's been since someone said something nice to him. I intend to change that! Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves, even when they live alone in a kind of creepy castle in the middle of nowhere and cover up weird things about their household activities and close their eyes whenever I get a cut and constantly look at my crucifix necklace weird.
Anyways, I stopped to admire the view out one of the windows, and I saw a head pop out a window a little ways below. Didn't take long to realize it must be Count Haddock—I think I'd know those wiry, well-built shoulders and that luscious mop of dark hair anywhere. He's hard to miss.
So he puts one of those thin, elegant hands of his (look, he gestures a LOT when he talks—I've become very familiar with the way his hands look. I'm not being weird or anything.) on the castle wall, and sort of…pulls himself out of the window? And then before I know it, he's stuck all his hands and feet on the stones and is clinging like a gecko. I kind of wonder if his ancestors' dragon connection infused him with reptilian powers or something. So then he scuttles down the wall, and his cloak is blowing every which way, and it was VERY weird to watch. I stood there for a long time trying to process what—pardon my French—the FUCK just happened.
That said! I don't think being able to walk on walls is EVIL, it's just…kind of unsettling? I want to ask him what's up with that. But I also wonder if that'd be too nosy. Maybe I wasn't supposed to see?
Oh well. If this is all Count Haddock is upset about, then I think it's fine. I wish there was a way to tell him it's not scary. I think it's an amazing ability, personally! (So lucrative if you want to go rock-climbing, especially.) If a little…odd. Still, I want him to know it doesn't make him a monster, no matter what anyone else says.
