Turning Swallow
Summary:
OR, One morning, four-year-old Sasaki Kojiro remembers a life not yet lived, and decides to do something about it. History changes. SI!Sasaki Kojiro. Expect general lightheartedness, but dark topics when the time comes.
CH. 4 START
The old man looked at him, aged eyes searching Kojiro's own as if somehow, the answers to every question in the universe lay within them. The longer Seigen locked for, the more intense his eyes became. For a time, Kojiro held the man's gaze, searching for an answer of his own. The old samurai had kept his tone perfectly neutral when asking about Kojiro's sword, so he hadn't been certain what the old man thought about his new behaviors. His life would become very troublesome very quickly if Seigen thought that he'd been possessed by one evil spirit or another. He couldn't very well seek tutelage under the man if Seigen was going to try to exorcize him. Though he wasn't sure if his new memories were the result of some strange spell, they had served him well enough that he wasn't willing to lose them. Even if they weren't, which was likely, he didn't want to take the risk. Despite their gazes locking though, he found no answer in the older man's eyes, just as Seigen found none in his. A small eternity passed.
Kojiro was the one to break off of the staring contest first, leaning back with an exhausted sigh. He'd gotten nothing for the effort, so he might as well stop it. He closed his eyes, simply breathing in and out for a few moments, before reopening them and turning to face Seigen. He met the man's eyes again and idly noted that if there was one thing Seigen had to be praised for beyond his skill with a blade, it was his patience. Even though the question he'd asked Kojiro had gone unanswered for minutes now, he remained silent, simply waiting for a reply.
Feeling it was time to speak, Kojiro voiced his thoughts, muttering in a quiet tone, "Seigen-dono, today I have experienced death."
Seigen seemed taken aback by the statement, and for a brief moment, the man looked less composed than Kojiro had even imagined he could. Then, his gaze softened and he spoke gently, "Would you care to share?"
He made no condolences, nor did he make any judgements, in spite of how silly Kojiro thought himself to look while speaking.
The man's tone was filled with such genuine sympathy and concern that for a moment, Kojiro thought about telling Seigen all that he now knew, what his memories had revealed to him. Kojiro had been irrevocably changed by his new memories, killed even, his childhood crushed before he'd had a chance to live it. Yet, for all he wished to cry out his emotion surging wildly, his rationality kept his mouth shut.
Instead of speaking the truth, Kojiro told a story, saying, "I was walking through the woods, earlier this morning, when I heard a squirrel dart through the trees above me. I slowed and eventually it slowed, coming to a stop upon a small tree some twenty feet away. It chattered loudly, chewing on some nut or another. As I watched it, I began to wish to be as free as it was, free to run and climb and crawl as it was doing. I watched it for a long time, upwards of half an hour, before abruptly, I heard the swooshing of an eagle's wings. My eyes darted upwards and I caught but the gray of a feather as it passed over my head. When I looked again, I saw it flying away, the squirrel's corpse tight in its talons. For a while, I felt like it had been me who'd been carried away on the wind, so deeply I wished to be the rodent."
He paused, taking in a breath, before continuing, speaking slowly, "It was then that I realized that though the squirrel had been free from duty, it had not been free from the birds of the sky or the predators on the ground. Then I thought of myself. Though I cannot be snatched up and eaten by an eagle, could a fall or a blade not end me just as easily? I see danger everywhere, Seigen-dono."
His voice shook at the end of his speech, not from some affected fear, but from genuine emotion. His other self had taken a fall after being dared to climb some rickety building, and woken up in a hospital the next day, with bandages around his head. He'd been told that had he fallen the wrong way, his head just an inch too far to the left, he might've not woken up. Afterwards, he'd gained a fear of heights and categorically refused to stand near high-up railings, too afraid that they might break. The memories and the fear in them had hit him just as he finished his story.
The quiet was filled by Seigen quickly, but the man still didn't offer any condolences. Rather, he gestured to the tea set that had been sitting next to him and asked, "Would you like a sip of tea, Kojiro?"
He nodded silently, not trusting himself enough to speak, and soon enough, Seigen placed a cup of tea in front of him. He took a quick sip, and though he didn't find it to be repulsive, he must have made some sort of fact unconsciously, for the old man chuckled.
Seigen spoke, "I had intended to share this with my brother. He prefers his tea bitter. He tells me he drinks it bitter for 'life itself is bitter,' but between us, I'm certain he just doesn't wish to spend any money on sugar to sweeten it."
Kojiro just nodded, simply letting the words ring into the silence. It was obvious that Seigan had more to say, from the way the man had raised his hand when paused to drink his own beverage.
The man continued to speak, "I've found myself agreeing with those words. To me, the bitter tea reminds me of my time upon the battlefield. When I drink it, I reminisce about my wars, the mistakes I've made in command, what battles I could have fought better. I, too, have experienced death and have my regrets. In the grand scheme of things, I'm better off than most. I have all my limbs, I can eat and drink as I please, and I have left a legacy behind."
Kojiro had turned to stare at the man, eyes wide in confusion, but the old man continued, "You have none of this, Kojiro, and have not even fought once in your life. Yet, you too have experienced death. Woken from the dream, realized how easily life is lost and taken. Congratulations, Kojiro, you are the most mature of all those within this generation of the Toda Dojo. Though you may not feel it now, it will help you in your first battle, give you the ability to keep moving after taking a life."
Seigen sighed, "Most of your seniors have not learned this yet, and of them, most will die in their first true battle. They know battle only as a glorious thing, where honor and reputation is gained, forgetting that to get that honor, you must kill, again, and again. When they see life leave the eyes of their foe, they will be cut down by more experienced fighters. My warnings will only guide them so far, for if the gods wish, even the best laid plans of men can go awry. They must take that final step on their own, beyond places safety and without allies around them. Those who live will become like you are now, cold and solemn. They will get accustomed to it, as will you."
As the man spoke, one of Seigen's hands had slowly dropped and begun to caress his blade. A fire had begun to burn in Seigen's eyes once more, the fire of a man who had cut down dozens, maybe hundreds, with his own hand and killed many more indirectly. The fire of a man who knew war like the back of his hand.
The words were in no way comforting. He'd been wrong to expect some sort of soothing condolence from this man. He wasn't a caretaker or a nurse, but a warrior. Despite all of that though, as Seigen spoke, the worry had faded just a bit, and Kojiro sat straighter.
Kojiro bent his head in respect and acknowledgment, before speaking again, "My thanks, Seigen-dono, for your words. My concerns have been abated."
The two sipped their drinks in silence for a while longer, before Kojiro spoke up once more.
"If I may ask, Seigen-dono, why did you take me in? I am but an orphan, without background or a family name to even call my own. 'Sasaki' was the surname you gave to me."
Seigen blinked once, before smiling slightly and speaking, "I took you in simply because I wished to do so. On a whim, for you reminded me of myself. Who could say no to my demands?"
At Kojiro's confused prompting, the old man continued, "It was a cold winter night, that day, and you had been left outside the gates of Ichidojani. As you weren't a resident of our town, and as none could recognize you, it was up to me as town lord to make a decision. I had been about to send you off to the town's orphanage, until I took a glance at your face. You hadn't been crying, but simply staring at me with those eyes of yours. They have softened now, but they were especially striking that night. Your eyes shone with the desire to survive, as brilliant as the contrast between coal and freshly fallen snow."
Seigen shrugged, "Like I said, a whim. I was reminded of myself, and though I was not born an orphan, I was all but made one. The Toda were a rising clan, enough of a threat that the then rulers of this province saw it fit to eliminate us. We were attacked in the dead of night, and our ancestral home was burned to the ground. Men, women, and children all were put to the blade. Only a handful of my kin survived, my brother and I the last two scions of the Toda among the living. I fought my way out of entrapment, killing for the first time, then thrice more after that. There were barely enough people to rebuild the clan. The will in your eyes reminded me of the hatred that burned in my own, back then."
Given that the Toda were now in charge of Echizen and its capital, Kojiro knew what the answer was likely to be, but he had to ask anyway, saying, "What happened to that rival clan?"
The old man grinned ferally, eyes narrowed like a predator's and teeth bared, before replying, "What rival clan?"
Kojiro understood what had been implied, and shivered slightly. Not only had Toda Seigen managed to wipe out an entire ruling clan, powerful enough to rule over the entire Echzen province, without the support of his family, but he'd also managed to erase them so permanently that as far as Kojiro had been aware, the Toda had always been in charge of Echizen. What a terrifying man.
He nodded, saying, "In that case then, I wish to also thank you for your kindness in taking me in."
Seigen opened his mouth to speak, laughing as he did so, "I told you, Kojiro, I did that on a whim. There's no need to thank me for it."
Kojiro shook his head, "Kindness done is kindness received, no matter the intent. I have benefited so I would repay you, one day, if you will allow me."
Seigen glanced at him, his gaze sharpening and voice lowering as the old man replied, "Is that how you see it Kojiro."
"Fine," Seigen groused, "I see how much you mean it, so I'll hold you to that promise."
Kojiro grinned at that, letting a smile slip onto his face, "Got it, old man."
The samurai raised an eyebrow, and with a wry tone of voice, answered, "I'm not nearly old enough for you to call me that, you little brat."
He snorted before continuing, "I'd rather you call me grandfather, Kojiro, that address sounds far more respectable."
With those words, Kojiro's thoughts came to a screeching halt, and evidently, Seigen noticed, asking, "What's wrong, brat?"
The part of Kojiro that had longed for family cried out beneath all of his new memories, and he'd frozen. After a moment, he unfroze, questioning in a weak voice, "Is that okay? Can I really call you grandfather? I won't claim the Toda name or anything."
Toda Seigen looked at Kojiro, took him in in his entirety, and slowly nodded once.
Grinning, Seigen teased him, saying, "Why not, brat? I already pay for your house and for your shit to be cleaned up. What's a different title in the face of that?"
He patted Kojiro on the shoulder awkwardly, before embracing him lightly.
Grunting, Seigen said, "I've never really been one for dramatics, but you're a good kid."
He pulled back, hand resting on Kojiro's shoulder before it's grip tightened, and Seigen spoke with a vicious grin on his face, "Now, Kojiro, since you're a part of the family now and all, shouldn't you finally learn how to properly use that blade of yours?"
Even as Kojiro grinned nervously, he felt relieved. The first real step to changing his history had begun, and his path was beginning to diverge. When the future came, he'd be ready for it.
