Chapter V. The Dock
As soon as Robert and Allie were off, Nathan returned to Gustave's and began cleaning up. He, Bill, Cooper, and Paul loaded all the gifts and decorations into Lee's car, for Nathan to take home. The ladies, Emily, Opal, and Molly loaded up the flowers.
The entire time he worked, Nathan couldn't get Elizabeth Thornton out of his mind. The way she looked at him all evening. The way she finally relaxed and fit perfectly into his arms. And…that dance. Oh, that dance. It had been electric. Fire. And they hadn't danced just one song, as she'd insisted. They'd danced two. And the way she gazed up at him as they swayed together made his blood boil even now. After all this time, how could there still be so much emotion between them? And it didn't seem to be one-sided anymore. No, sir, not at all.
As he drove home, the light of the moon was so bright and luminous, he didn't even need headlights. In fact, it was impressive how brilliant the full moon. Stars were just barely visible in the distance, and the glow that was cast about was just simply beautiful.
He quickly unloaded, and then parked the car, as arranged, in front of the Coulter home.
As he did, he couldn't help himself, but glanced next door. Not a single light was on at Elizabeth's. Maybe it was a good thing, because the way he felt tonight, he might have even knocked, and checked on her, if he'd seen even a crack of light through the curtains.
Nathan just wasn't ready to go home, but was restless. The moon was so bright, and the glow so beautiful, he decided to take a walk, and clear his head.
He walked past Elizabeth's house, and continued around the long way, towards the church. He followed the path, and when he came to that spot next to the pond, where he'd confessed his love, he stopped. He looked around and took it in, could remember it all so clearly. He'd been on the way back from Bill's land, so full of hope, his heart had already seen the possibilities. And he'd come across her, so conflicted. And yes, perhaps he'd been too hasty, but at least he was honest. She, on the other hand, had been like a wounded bird who needed to find the shelter of some kind of safety, before it was too late. And her safety, had been to destroy him. He could see it all plain as day now, the moon so bright, the light from above illuminated it all.
Somehow, suddenly, he understood. She had been wounded, terribly, by Jack's death, and had sought to protect herself. From him. Why him? Hadn't he offered to leave the Mounties?
But after the affection she displayed when they danced, only one explanation made sense anymore: she had feelings for him too. That day, hadn't she said she couldn't stand to lose him the way she lost Jack? And when she insisted to leave, and he implored her to stay, what had been her response? She hadn't said she didn't love him. Oh, no. She'd said, "I can't."
Was it possible that all this time, she had feelings for him too, but hid them, pushed them down, and denied them, for fear of being hurt again? Was she afraid to love him because of the pain of losing Jack?
Nathan looked up at the sky and turned in circles. What other explanation could there be? When he considered the emotion that was ever between them, and the softness in her eyes when she looked at him, he knew.
"Lord, if this is You, if this is the truth, then show me." Nathan spoke onto the wind. "But if it's not, and I'm just holding onto something that can never be, then help me let go. Show me how to let her go."
Nine years. And she was still a mystery. But one he was ready to solve - solve it or move on. And since Allie was gone now, there was nothing holding him back anymore.
Nathan slowly walked on, found himself, for some odd reason, headed in the direction of the dock. Another memory came to mind: the time he'd ridden up and found Elizabeth and Little Jack there, throwing stones into the water. She'd been lost and uncertain how to handle Lucas' criticism. But Nathan believed in her, so he'd challenged her. She'd said the best writing comes from the heart, so he simply responded by asking her to look deeper.
Now, as he brought his eyes up, he spotted a lone figure, right there on the dock. And he would know that figure anywhere. Elizabeth. What was she doing here?
As he came closer, she turned, just as surprised to see him and he was to see her. The moonlight washed down over her, making her even more beautiful, drawing him in. But her eyes were dark and stormy. Had she been crying? The dark circles and the traces of tears, gave her away.
She made a quick effort to wipe her face, as he stopped just in front of her. "Lizabeth, are you okay?" He searched her face. "What's wrong?"
"Yes, yes. I'm okay." She answered with a sniffle.
Nathan pulled out that clean handkerchief he always carried and handed it to her.
"Can we talk, Lizbeth?" He asked, more sure than ever that he should broach the subject of what was between them. The way she squirmed under his regard gave him hope, that what he had been sure of, so long ago, had been true all along. Elizabeth, look. I know you feel the same way that I do.
She finally brought her eyes up to his and nodded.
He started by just putting it out there. "I don't want to be friends with you."
He wanted more. He always had.
For a brief moment, her mouth fell slightly open, but then she closed it. She understood, she really didn't deserve his friendship. As much as she wanted it, as much as she wanted to start over, as much as she wanted to hope, she didn't deserve it. And that's why she'd come here, and why she'd been crying. "I understand. I've been so awful to you. I…can't blame you." She looked down at her hands, the tears threatened to come again. "I understand completely."
She suddenly needed to be anywhere but here. Anywhere but under the intense regard of this man that she loved with all her heart, but couldn't have. She started to walk past him, but he gently touched her arm as she went past. He turned her to face him again.
"Lizbeth, what I mean is…" and he stopped. He shoved his hands in his pockets, as he looked her over. "What am I to you? Can you please tell me?"
She brought her eyes to meet his, but what she found there, she couldn't quite decipher. Was there still love? For her? Could she dare hope? Oh, she wanted to. But she wouldn't let herself, no sir, she wouldn't.
"What do you mean? How can you ask me that?" She rasped.
Nathan shifted his weight and took a deep breath. Here goes. Nine years of knowing this woman, and loving her, and sometimes, he still went to mush when he tried to talk to her. Why couldn't he communicate with her like he could everyone else in the world?
"Now is the time for honesty, Lizabeth." Nathan's expression softened. There was definitely a hint of affection in his eyes. Still. After all this time, after all she'd done.
"Moment of truth." He told her. And he restated the question. The one he'd asked her eight years ago, right here on this spot. One he was still waiting on the answer to. "Lizabeth. Tell me. What's in your heart?"
She shifted her weight and looked around. She remembered when he first asked her that question. He had inspired her. She had heeded his advice and looked deeper, and found the answers needed to finish her book. But there was one big huge giant piece she'd left out. "I knew already. Then. That very day you asked me. But I was too scared to admit it." Her eyes filled with tears and her voice became thick with emotion. Nathan took a step closer. "And I have been scared to admit it ever since. So, I've pushed you away, and hurt you, and done everything in my power to keep you far from me." But her affection was written on her face. "But, I don't know how to run anymore. And the truth is, I don't want to."
"What are you saying, Lizbeth?"
She thought of that plaque that hung in the library. Always do what you are afraid to do.
"It's you, Nathan." Silent tears fell as the truth came out. "In my heart. It's you. It's always been you."
Nathan closed the gap, said her name on the way there. "Liz…" but that was all he got out before his lips met hers. He didn't ask permission and he didn't wait. He just went with his gut, answered the call of his heart, and kissed her. And he kissed her with all the emotion of the last nine years, of knowing her and loving her and patiently waiting.
As his lips met hers, she froze just slightly. Maybe it was the shock, or the unbelief that this was actually happening. Nine years of build up made for a lot of pressure. But as his lips moved over hers, she softened, won over by the undeniable passion between them. And she began to kiss him back. And the more she kissed him, the more she came alive. In fact, she hadn't felt this alive, in more than a decade, for as long as she could remember.
When Nathan pulled back just a little, Elizabeth looked up at him, out of breath, still a little bit shocked. She couldn't believe that he could just forgive her. "All the things I have done to you, Nathan. How…"
And he kissed her again. He just had to know it was real, that it had really happened. And this time the kiss was tender and so full of raw emotion, that neither could deny the feelings, so potent and honest between them. Elizabeth didn't think she had ever been kissed like that before. Something deep inside of him touched something so deep inside of her, and she was completely and utterly undone. Every argument that was lining up in her mind to find expression, was torn down before it even had the chance. Laid to waist and dissolved into the cold damp earth of her heart. And what sprung up in that place, were seeds of hope. They grew rich and green in the fertile soil of possibility.
When Nathan pulled back again, he stayed so close. His warm breath tickled her cheek.
He reached into his pocket and pulled something out. Something he'd carried with him every single day, for the last four years. Since the moment he'd heard that she'd broken it off with Lucas. He'd carried it in the hopes that one day, he'd be able to put it on her finger. That one day they'd become friends again, and that friendship would transform into more. But now, standing here in their spot, with her in his arms, he didn't want to wait another minute, not one day more.
He took her hand and carefully slid it on her finger. She felt what was happening and looked up at him, aghast. "Nathan." Oh, the way his name rolled off her tongue. No one else could say his name like she. He wanted to hear it just like that, for the rest of his life.
He normally would have knelt down, but her knees had been rather wobbly since he kissed her. And he honestly didn't trust his either. They were holding onto each other for support, and neither seemed to be able or ready to let go. So, he just told her. "Marry me."
She glanced down at her hand and saw it was true. He'd slipped a ring on her finger, a very very beautiful ring. Her mouth fell open and her eyes came back up to his.
"Lizbeth." He drawled it out, slow and steady. Confident and sure of his every word. "Marry Me. Say you'll be my wife."
"Nathan." She said it again, which drew him in even closer. "You can't be serious."
He looked serious. Very serious. And he tilted his head to reason with her. "You'd like to wait, what, another nine years? Dance around each other for another three or four?" He searched her face. "Haven't we waited long enough, put each other through enough…?" He placed his hand ever so tenderly on her jaw, and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Lizbeth. Now it's time to be happy."
Elizabeth leaned into his touch. She searched his face too, and loved what she found there. Never ending forgiveness, and acceptance, and unconditional love. She could see it all written on his face. "After everything I've done?"
"Of course." He didn't wait. "I already forgave you."
Her jaw dropped again. How could he forgive her so easily, when she couldn't even forgive herself? "How can you…?"
"Lizbeth, I love you." A beautiful wind of proclamation, his words blew across those rich green seedlings of hope in her heart, and they grew even more. "I always have."
One tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. It ran right into Nathan's strong hand still resting on her cheek. When a second one rolled down the other cheek, she finally answered more truth. "I've loved you for as long as I can remember. From the first day you smiled at me."
Nathan brought his lips to hers again. And this time, the emotion was overwhelming. Now she was sure, she'd never been kissed exactly like this. His kiss made her feel like she could do anything, climb a mountain, walk on water. How ridiculous all those hairy bearded kisses with Lucas, compared to this. How utterly laughable.
This man put the deep ocean of his affections into his kiss. And she absorbed every drop - like a water-starved rose in the desert. She took in every tender morsel as if it was sustenance to her very soul.
Inside, she felt herself open up like that desert rose, one silky petal at a time, come out to bask in the sunlight of his love. And that wall, that she'd built so tightly around her heart, came tumbling down. His love and forgiveness turned every stubborn brick into a fine, feathery rubble.
And Elizabeth kissed him back. This time her hands went around behind his neck, and she pressed herself in closer. When her fingers played in the curls at the nape of his neck, his pulse quickened even more. He slowly pulled back and let his forehead rest on hers. He looked down at her, close. He stayed so close.
"Yes." She breathed. It was almost a whisper, nearly lost, floating by on the wind. So soft and musical, he had completely forgotten the question. "I will marry you."
Her answer made the corners of his mouth turn up, into the biggest kind of smile. The kind she loved - one of those smiles that went all the way up into his eyes, and made those creases at the corners. She absolutely loved that smile. How long it had been since she'd last seen it? If only she'd realized how easy it would be to see it again.
"Next week." He rasped.
"What?" She asked, still in the bliss of the moment. Did they really just get engaged?
"Marry me next week." Nathan told her. He wanted her to know right away, he wasn't waiting.
"Next week?" She asked, slightly shocked.
"Yes, Lizabeth." The way he said her name was everything. It always had been. "We're getting married next week."
She let out a little chortle. "Are you crazy?"
"Maybe. But I'm not waiting." He pulled back just enough to search her face, and he let his thumb caress her cheek again. "Haven't we waited long enough?"
Nine years. He was right - they had waited long enough. Now it was time to be happy. "Will Allie and Robert even be back by then?"
Oh, yea. Robert and Allie. They couldn't get married without them. He reasoned. "They're back on Saturday. We'll get married on Sunday."
She tilted her head just slightly, in that way she did when she wanted to ask him something. "Sunday?" But the more she thought about it, the more excited she became. "Get married next Sunday?" The smile on her face was unmistakable now. And he hadn't seen her smile like that in a very very long time.
He didn't say a word, he simply smiled back at her. And that was enough. Next thing he knew, her question had become a statement. A matter of fact.
"We're getting married next Sunday." She told him happily, with that huge smile that he adored.
And the more she smiled, the more he smiled.
"Meet me right here, Lizbeth. Next Sunday. At 2 o'clock in the afternoon." He couldn't believe this was happening. "I'll be the one waiting right here." At their dock.
"And I'll be the one…" she closed her eyes as she said this next part, "so incredibly lucky…" she opened and gazed up at him, "walking towards you."
"Not luck." He told her confidently. "Fate." He was right, and she was done running from it.
Nathan took her hand, ran his finger absentmindedly over the ring he'd just placed there, and pulled her into his arms.
All the other times they'd embraced, it had been Elizabeth who initiated. But now, it was Nathan who pulled her in close, right next to his heart. And he held her there, close and protected, heart beat to heart beat, right where she belonged.
And there, under the moonlight, Nathan held her for as long as she would let him. Her arms came strong and tight around his back, and he just couldn't let go. The moment was just too sweet. And she fit just right.
And there she stayed for a very long time. She laid her cheek against his strong chest and listened to the heart that had never stopped loving her. The heart that had never stopped fighting for her.
For after all she'd done, and every mistake she made, his tender heart, his heart that was so beautiful, had never given up on her.
