No one loves December more than me.

The month that moves at twice the normal speed.

Frantic days and frenzied nights running like the wind.

Things to do, places to be, racing to the end.

But I'll be fine just gotta make it to Christmastime.

Can't wait for the 24th

Finally walking through that door.

Fall into the arms of those that I adore.

All the madness, all the miles melt into sweetest smiles

Those moments make it all worthwhile.

So I'll be fine, just gotta make it to Christmastime.

Tasha Layton


December 1994

"Okay, I've got my list made."

Jon was in a hurry to get ready for school. He'd managed to oversleep thanks to Shawn taking it upon himself to shut off the alarm clock. It made an annoying sound according to the teen which made it hard to keep sleeping even though he was in another room.

"What list?"

"My Christmas list."

"Already?" He gave his tie a frustrated tug only to have it come completely undone on him. "It's only the 1st of December."

"Yeah, I know," Shawn said, tapping a pencil against his chin and studying the paper in his hand. "But I wanna make sure you have enough time to get everything."

Oh, boy, I can't wait to see what this is all about, Jon thought trying to figure out why he suddenly couldn't tie a tie.

Shawn clearly was focused on this list and knowing the boy the way he did, he knew if he didn't deal with this now, there was no chance of Shawn paying any attention in class at all. And he did so little of that under normal circumstances. Jon took a seat at his desk near the kitchen, inhaled deeply then said, "All right, let's see how bad this is."

Nervously, Shawn handed him his meticulously made out wish list. He was anxious because he had included a lot of things on it, but none of it would mean as much if Jon couldn't fulfill the number one wish.

Jon took the list and immediately had to re-read it. He stared at the list and read all 21 items over and over, struggling to comprehend what he was reading. It wasn't that it was illegible or extravagant, it was just…

"Are you sure this is all you want?" he asked, tapping the paper with his finger.

Shawn nodded fervently, pursing his lips together tightly as he awaited Jon's verdict on the list.

"Shawn…" the teacher was still baffled by what he read. "I mean, yeah, we can do this stuff, but the first one- Audrey?"

Again, the teen nodded so hard his bangs fell into his eyes. "I want her the most. She has to be with us this year."

"Shawn, you know she's supposed to go back to the City and spend Christmas with her dad."

"I know," he shifted from one foot to the other and back again. "But I thought maybe somethin' could be worked out."

"I'll talk to her, Shawn, but I can't promise anythin'."

"That's okay."

"This other stuff though…"

Suddenly, Shawn felt panicked and insecure about what he had included in his list. It was kind of baby stuff now that he thought about it. He wished he could take the list back and just forget about it. "You think it's stupid, don't you?"

Jon looked up in surprise. "No, I don't," he said sincerely. "I get where you're coming from with this list." He paused and read over it again. "We'll definitely need Audrey to do this right. I never really had a Christmas like the one you're wantin'."

Shawn was dumbfounded by this admission. He figured that of the three of them, Jon had the best Christmases given his background. "How could you not? I figured you had the Richie Rich version of what I want. You know the best Christmas ever, every year."

It still amazed Jon that Shawn equated happiness and security with money. "Yeah, they were if your definition of the best Christmas ever is bein' at some fancy ski resort in Tahoe or Vail or somewhere in Europe surrounded by people you don't know or care about. Or if the best Christmas ever is bein' left home alone with the house staff when you got older."

"Wow," Shawn flopped down in a nearby chair. "So, like, your parents weren't around at all?"

Jon shrugged, giving his tie another attempt. "Not really. Not unless they needed to be seen with me. When I was little there was always a lot of stuff under the tree but as soon the presents were opened that was it. They'd take off to the slopes to schmooze the business connections, intimidate the competition, whatever. When I turned nine and said that I didn't wanna spend Christmas skiin', I wanted to spend it at home, I got my wish. They went to Switzerland, and I stayed home with the staff. I dunno, in a way, Christmases were closer to normal with them, I guess."

"But if you ended up alone, did the staff ditch you, too?"

"Nah, they were good people. It's just that when I turned thirteen, I realized that these people had families to go home to and because of me they hadn't been home on Christmas in years. So my gift to them was to let them go home. I spent every Christmas, but a couple, alone from then on until I decided to leave for good. And believe me, stayin' home alone on Christmas is nothin' like the movies." Finally, he managed to get his tie knotted correctly. He stood and went into the kitchen to grab some coffee before leaving.

"Your parents did ditch you, though?" Shawn was fascinated by Jon's former life and how it was nothing like he'd imagined it to be.

"Yeah, they weren't very good at the emotional stuff. They thought they could throw money at a situation and make it go away. I guess they just did what they knew. It's how they were raised."

Shawn considered this seriously. He'd always just assumed that because of his family's wealth, Jon must have had those picture-perfect holidays, that life had to be perfect. That it was not, created a great deal of cognitive dissonance for him, and he frowned. It struck him that although they had grown up in very different environments, they were, at least in this way, very similar. The chord this thought played in his mind sent shivers down his spine as it challenged what he thought he knew about wealth and poverty and the people living in the two extremes.

"Didn't you have friends to spend Christmas with?" Even if his home was a mess at least he had always had the Matthews' place to take refuge in.

"Not really," his teacher grimaced as he stirred creamer into the liquid in his mug. "All my friends were perfectly happy to go off to the ski lodge with their parents and show off all the stuff they got. I was the only one who refused. Every year I dug my heels in deeper about not participatin'. Especially when Mel tried to get me to go with her and her parents. Eventually, they quit askin'."

"Where'd you spend the Christmases you weren't alone?"

Jon froze. He wasn't prepared to answer that question. Eventually, he mumbled, "With Audrey's family."

Shawn stared at him in wonder. "With Pops and Lizzy? Was Audrey there, too?"

His teacher tugged at his tie like it was suddenly too tight. "Yeah, Shawn, she was."

"And?"

Jon shifted uncomfortably under Shawn's intense stare. "And what?"

"And what was it like spending Christmas with Audrey then?"

"She was a baby," he said, desperately wanting to get out of the conversation. He hated to be reminded of the age difference between him and his student teacher. "I didn't really interact with her much. I spent my time with her parents."

"Okay, so what was Christmas with Pops and Lizzy like?"

"It was good," he said. The memories that came flooding back suddenly caused his breath to catch. "We didn't do anythin' big. There wasn't much money, especially with them housin' me at the time, but we did a lot of stuff together. Kind of like some of the stuff on your list. Lizzy was a great cook like Audrey and really creative. She could make the most incredible decorations outta what most people would consider trash."

Shawn was mesmerized by this and wanted to know details, but he also recognized the mood Jon was in: a no detail mood. He let his hands hit the back of the couch. "So what happened then? Why'd you stop spendin' Christmas with them?"

"I dunno, Shawn. Life happened. I never made it back home."

"Wow. That really stinks." For some reason, it disappointed Shawn greatly that Jon never went back to Audrey's family. It seemed to him that Audrey's parents should have been more important to him than they seemed to be.

Jon shrugged it off clearly, becoming uncomfortable with the conversation. "It is what it is. Let's make this Christmas one to remember. Are you sure everything you want is on this list? There's nothing on here that would go under the tree."

"It's not eeeeeverything," Shawn gave him a goofy smile.

The smile made Jon very suspicious. "What's not on here?"

"Well," he said, leaning against the kitchen table. He picked up a napkin and began to casually fold it. "I left it off, so I'd have something to ask for on my birthday."

"What is it?"

Shawn unfolded the napkin and started to twist it. "It's sort of expensive."

"What is it?"

"But it's a lifelong investment for both of us." He coiled the napkin into a ball and tucked the ends inside of the coil.

"What. Is. It?"

Shawn put the napkin ball in front of Jon. The smile became a knowing smirk. "An engagement ring."

Jon stared at him with his mouth slightly open. He must have misheard the teen. "Say again."

"Well," Shawn said, ignoring the question. He folded his hands seriously in front of him." It's a lifelong investment for the three of us guaranteed to pay huge dividends in the future."

The stock market jargon only served to further confuse Jon who was absolutely flabbergasted by Shawn's request. "An engagement ring?"

"Yes," the teen was hoping his teacher was finally catching on. The man could be awfully slow at times. "Then we can elope. I hear Vegas is good for that sort of thing."

Jon was too stunned to say much. He threw his hands up in surrender. "Anything else you'd like?"

Shawn thought for a moment, then said earnestly, "A brother or sister would be nice. Actually, I'd prefer a sister. I really don't need another brother, but no rush on that. Let's get married first."

He still couldn't believe this conversation was actually happening. Surely, he was still asleep and in the middle of a bad dream. "Are you kiddin' me?"

"No, I'm serious." And he was. It was the most serious Jon had ever seen him.

"Shawn," Jon said, trying to regain his bearings and some sort of control over his morning. "We've been over this. It's not gonna happen."

Shawn rolled his eyes, exasperated. "You diggin' your heels in on this too?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well, unlike your dumb rich friends I won't quit askin'."

His teacher gave a heavy sigh. "You wouldn't be you if you did. Look, let's just focus on Christmas, okay? Get your stuff." He motioned to Shawn's book bag.

Shawn grabbed the bag and slung it over his shoulder. "What about in June?"

"What about in June what?" he asked, picking up his own school bag. "Christmas? It's Christmas in July, not June."

The teen rolled his eyes again. "What about getting married in June?"

"Shawn!"

"She won't be your student teacher anymore," he reasoned. "Feeny can't do anything to you then!"

Jon clenched his jaw in frustration. "Just stop, Hunter. C'mon, make sure you have all your stuff together and get to school. Where's Matthews? Aren't you walkin' with him today?"

Shawn blocked his teacher's path to the door. "Nah, his dad is droppin' him off. I'm goin' with you."

"No, you're not," Jon told him, moving him out of the way and opening the door. "I'm takin' the bike. You're walkin'."

"No," the boy shook his head as they stepped into the hall. "See, I don't feel like walkin'."

"If I don't take the bike, people are gonna think I'm not at school. Feeny'll mark me absent. I'm takin' the bike. You're walkin'"

"Truck it is!" Shawn exclaimed. He ran as fast as he could to the spot where Jon's truck and bike were in the garage. He was at the door of the truck long before Jon could catch him. It was just too bad he didn't have the keys.

Jon groaned as he chased after him. This was one of those times he desperately needed Audrey; he had no idea how stop Shawn when he got into a mood like this.

When he finally made to where the boy was standing, he shot him an unhappy look and snapped. "Fine. Truck. Get in. Be quiet."

Triumphantly, Shawn tossed his book bag into the now unlocked truck, got in, and buckled up. He then proceeded to hassle his teacher all the way to school about what he wanted for his birthday.


Every season there are times I feel alone

I give so much I'm weary to the bone.

I keep my family in mind

Just gotta make it to Christmastime.

Can't wait for the 24th.

Finally walking through that door

Fall into the arms of those that I adore.

All the madness, all the miles melt into sweetest smiles

Those moments make it all worthwhile.

So I'll be fine, just gotta make it to Christmastime.