Chapter 6
El
El hesitated for a moment outside the large door pressing her hand to the glass which was cool to the touch. What was it with her and doors she thought, remembering how difficult it was to coax herself to enter the leisure centre a couple of weeks before. Perhaps it was what they symbolised, an opening onto a new reality, a new challenge. After talking with Simon, El had plucked up the courage to tell Mike what had happened. Hoping he would understand that he could forgive her. "He was really off this morning," El thought "I hope he's."
"Excuse me, are you going inside or not?"
The voice from a person behind brought El back to her senses. "Oh sorry" she said with a flush of embarrassment and opened the door. Standing aside to let them in, El entered herself, letting the door fall behind her with a clatter.
"Can I help you madam?" A waiter asked who stood to attention by a sign saying, 'wait to be seated.' "Yeah" El said, "my boyfriend should be here, we booked a table, his name is Mike Wheeler?" He looked through a large leather- bound book. "Ahh here we are," he said with polished politeness, "I will escort you". "Escort?" El thought to herself, "what is this the 19th century?" But the thought disappeared as quickly as it arrived when she saw Mike.
He was looking around absent minded, as he always did, but at the sight of her stood up gallantly. "Madam," the waiter bowed and moved away. El chewed her lip as she surveyed him, the white shirt sharp against his skin, the grey tweed jacket, a perfect representation of his personality, nerdy but incredibly sophisticated. He looked, hot.
"I hope you're not judging my fashion" Mike said brining her back to reality. "Mike, you look," she could not hold back the warm bubble inside her, "you look wonderful." Mike gave a huge smile as he embraced her, "you," he took a moment, breathing in her perfume. "You're, perfect," he said with an emotional whisper.
"Thank you," El said. She leaned forward to kiss him but instead Mike brought her hand up to his lips which he planted with a kiss. Mike did not normally do things like that. "Sorry" Mike said a little bashfully, "I just want to do things properly you know, you're my lady after all." "What's gotten into him?" El thought, she had never been called a lady before, it made her blush. "That's, very romantic" she said with a deep smile.
The two took seats opposite each other and studied their menus. El loved mozzarella, "so the mozzarella salad would do to start, and for main, perhaps the Calzone, and for dessert Tiramisu." A sound of scratching made her look up Mike was writing something on a napkin. On the linen napkin. "Mike," she said keeping her voice low, "don't do that it's not that kind of place." "It's only a napkin" he said casually. El sighed contentedly, grateful that behind all the romantic gestures the 'awkward' Mike she adored was still there.
He put the pen down and turned the napkin over pushing it in her direction, intrigued El looked on the back. There were four words, Mozzarella, Calzone/Pizza & Tiramisu. "How did you," El began, "was I right?" Mike asked earnestly.
She gave him a sly look, "well nearly, I mean calzone or pizza, that's kind of cheating, but yes." El looked at him with a happy expression, "you were right." "I know, I'm good aren't I," Mike said clicking his tongue. He reached out and took El's hand. "Mozzarella's your favourite so that was easy, and you love your coffee so Tiramisu was a good bet. I thought you would want something filling after Tennis, so I went for pizza or calzone rather than pasta."
El found herself doing something uncharacteristic, she brought Mike's hand to her lips and kissed it making him look in surprise. "I know that's what you're supposed to do" El started, "but." "Screw convention!" Mike laughed stroking his thumb across El's knuckles. "Exactly" El added with a grin. She paused for a moment, feeling the warmth Mike's hand in hers. "You know me so well" she said "but," she laughed a little awkwardly, "I don't think I could predict your food choices."
"Why, because I'm so mysterious?" Mike, said in a ninja like fashion. "No because you can never make up your mind!" El exclaimed. "Hey" Mike said, "that's not fair." "Sir, madam, would you care for some drinks?" El looked up to see the waiter from earlier looking, slightly snooty she thought. "Erm" she said turning to Mike, "two Cokes?" Mike nodded.
Very good madam, the waiter said who cleared off. El found herself laughing. "What?" Mike asked, "I just" El said, "I think this place is a bit out of our league." "I'm with you on that one." His voice trailed off but in a warm way. "I love it when you laugh" Mike said, "it's like music." El looked down shyly, her cheeks turning pink, Mike was being quite the charmer tonight.
The meal continued in a happy stream. Starters came, followed by mains. They chatted as they always had done about anything and everything. But on the arrival of desert, El felt a sense of unease creeping in. She knew this would happen, that she would get swept up in the joy of the evening and would be unable to say what she had to say. That it would spoil things, perhaps even, "no," she said out loud, poking at her Tiramisu.
Mike looked up, "how's your desert?" he asked tentatively. "What?" El said sure that she had said the last part in her head. She quickly took a forkful, "it's, great", she said. It was nice but it almost had a counter effect, feeling sickly sweet in her mouth.
Mike sighed patiently, "the other day you told me, 'ordered me'" he said playfully, "to tell you what was wrong with me, now I get to return the favour," he reached and stroked her hand, "what's wrong El?"
She did not know where to begin, it all seemed so clear earlier. "Mike," she said trying her best to look at him, but her eyes cast downward. "There is something I've got to tell you, I did something, really bad."
"What on earth could you have done that's bad?" He asked with a chuckle. "You don't know what it is yet" El said forlornly. "I," she began, but quickly faltered.
Mike gave her a moment before responding. "I had a chat with Will today." "You did?" El said looking up. "Yeah, and I've been thinking" Mike said leaning back in his chair, "that I haven't been very fair to you." "Oh, please Mike," El begged in her mind, "please don't."
"You're probably wondering why I was a bit off this morning, and to be brutally honest, I've not felt 100% the past few days." El cringed, "you've no reason on earth to feel like that" she thought. But she still found herself asking, "why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I did not want to spoil things" he said plainly, "I've had a wonderful time with you El, it's been so special." Mike paused. "But I've been selfish" he continued, "I wanted to know everything that was on your mind, everything in your heart." He hesitated, "and everything about your love for Tennis."
"Mike," El began. "Please," Mike said, "let me finish?" He asked tenderly. El nodded and pursed her lips.
"I found myself asking questions absent minded, how long you have been playing, who do you play with?" "To be honest," Mike sighed, "I was trying to dig at the question I really wanted to know, why you gave it up." El felt the colour drain from her face. "Will told me about it in a letter" Mike continued "said he was really worried about you." "I felt, jealous," he admitted, "jealous that he knew, and I didn't". "But" he quickly added, seeing her face turn white, "I'm over that now." "And I'm really sorry," he said sadly.
El felt frozen in the moment but managed to say, "Mike, you have nothing to be sorry for." "Yes, I do" he said definitely, "you, you're the most wonderful person in the world El." "You've been through so much. I can't imagine how it must have felt. That's why," he said brining himself up to the moment, "I'm not going to ask you any more about Tennis."
This was not the crescendo El had been expecting, it seemed so casual. "But I want to tell you." She said earnestly. "I know" Mike said, "and I'm so glad to hear you say that, but I don't want to force you, I want you to do it in your own time, when you're ready."
While appreciating Mike's words El felt herself tied up in knots, the idea of not having to tell him suddenly so appealing. But no, she could not do that to him. Her insides burst to get out. "Mike," she said breathing heavily, "I have to tell you now or I never will."
"It's ok, El" he said calmly, "you don't have to rush." "No!" She shouted feeling almost angry at his tone. Her voice carried around the restaurant causing people to glance at them, Mike looked stunned. "Ok," he said lowering his voice, "shall we get the bill? And you can tell me on the way home."
"Is everything ok?" A waiter asked coming over. "Everything is fine" Mike said who looked worriedly across at El, her face no longer white, but flushed and panting. "We're," he threw some money on the table leaving their deserts behind, "just leaving." Mike stood up but El got up first, storming towards the door, feeling a rush that she had not felt in a long time. She opened the door with a bang and walked fast down the street her prepared story now in tatters. All she could think about now, was getting away from him.
Mike
"What's gotten into you?" Mike exclaimed as he heaved open the door, the cold night air hitting his face. "El! El!" he said looking left to right. Eventually he spotted her a short distance down the road, walking as if on automatic. He ran to catch her up, "El!" He bellowed. She turned around with a furious look, a wild swish to her hair, "why do you always have to do that!" she shouted.
"Do what?" Mike asked, he felt so confused his brain going haywire. "Make me feel worthless" El spat, "your 'it's all my fault routine', I'm not perfect Mike, I've made mistakes too." "I know," he said attempting to comfort her. "No, you don't!" El said, the force of her words made Mike step back.
After a moment Mike spoke. "So," he asked frankly seeing no alternative, "why did you give up Tennis?" "Oh, now you're asking," El responded with cruel sarcasm. "Hey!" Mike said, "that's not fair." "What's 'not fair'" she said with emphasis, "is how you see me, you think I'm a perfect person who can do no wrong, well I can, and I have." "You want to know why I gave you Tennis?" Mike could sense her briming with emotion. "It's because I kissed someone!"
The words hit Mike in the chest. "You kissed someone?" "Yes," said El who started to pace, anger flaring "and I hate myself for it, I hate." Mike walked over slowly, "how, how did it happen?"
"Does it matter?" El said coldly "the point is I did it." "Yes, it does matter" Mike said. But with these words he realised he had made a mistake.
El turned on him, "I know what's coming next" she said exaggeratedly, "how long has it been going on for?" "No, I" Mike began but became tongue tied. "Well," El said eyes flaring. "I can tell you Mike, it was a good kiss, damn good, Simon, is a great kisser."
"Si," Mike began. A cold reality stepped in, maybe it was true, what he had always feared, she had found someone else. El rolled her eyes, "don't give me those puppy dog eyes Mike, it's not all about you, you know." "I never said it was" Mike replied sternly finding his words. "So, yeah El, fine, how longs it been going on for?"
El hesitated. This made Mike feel angry. An irrational intensity that surely matched hers came from within. "Can't even say it hey!" He stabbed. "So, while I've been pining about you, worrying about you, you've been cheating on me!"
El gave him a piercing stare as Mike's anger continued to burn. "And while we were talking about video games and pointless crap, you were telling your new boyfriend all your deepest feelings. I bet it was more than Tennis you played when you." Seeing El's wild eyes made him falter, his anger abated, leaving nothing but emptiness.
The two were silent for a moment. "So," Mike began feeling as if all the happiness had drained from his world, "those three days together, that conversation in your room?" He looked at her imploringly.
El starred at the ground kicking a rock with her foot. "I, don't know," she admitted. "But" she said looking up. "I'm not the person you thought I was Mike, I'm not El the superhero the one who fought the Mindflayer." He caught her meaning. "Oh" he said softly. "Yeah" El said her voice a little steadier, "don't think I didn't know what it was." "You," an air of sadness crept into her voice, "think I'm wonderful Mike but I'm not."
The sadness radiating from El began to grow, Mike approached wanting to help her.
"No," she said holding out her palm, "I don't deserve, your pity, I, don't deserve you." "El," Mike pleaded but he did not get to finish. She turned and walked off down the street, alone. Mike stood silently, hands by his sides, he knew better than to follow.
…
Mike found himself wondering aimlessly around the streets, he checked his watch, it was nearly midnight. "What am I going to do?" he thought to himself. After a while, he stumbled upon a motel.
It was a cheap looking place with a pink flashing sign, 'Bennets court motel', "well, it beats sleeping on the street." He thought to himself. Mike entered; it was an old-fashioned Motel with a green cracked leather sofa. A black and white tv buzzed silently against the wall, there was no one at the reception.
Mike rang the silver desk bell, no one responded. He rang it again, harder this time, still nothing. "What kind of a place is this?" he said. He rang it hard, repeatedly. "Ok, ok!" A far away voice replied, "I'm coming." A boy about Mike's age ascended the stairs from behind the reception, he looked really tired.
"I," Mike started but became embarrassed. "Do you, have a room?" "Sure do," the boy said, getting out a large book, it was practically empty. He yawned "do you want a single room or." "Yeah, a single room," Mike replied sadly. "Sure, he said" and he began to take Mike's details. "You know," he continued, "we don't get many people wandering in here at midnight, is everything ok?"
Mike felt prickly at his question; "yeah it looks like you don't get many people here at all." He gave Mike a blank expression, "sure whatever." Mike sighed, "I'm sorry, I've just had a terrible evening." "No kidding" he said, "I can see it all over your face."
"It's that obvious?" Said Mike almost managing a laugh. "Yeah" the boy said, stretching out a hand, "Kieron," "oh, I'm Mike" he said. "Ok, surname?" Kieron asked? Mike looked surprised, "oh I need it for the book," he added. "Wheeler" Mike said.
Mike handed him a few crumpled dollars and Kieron grabbed an aged key from a hook on the wall, "here is the key to your castle sir." "Thanks" Mike said, he felt himself rooted to the spot unable to move. "Look erm," Kieron enquired looking concerned, "I've not got a lot on here, so if you need some company, I could make us some coffee?" Mike did not know what he wanted, he wanted to be alone but at the same time dreaded the prospect of it. "Sure," he said gratefully "that would be nice." "And, sorry about the bell" he said sheepishly, "it's ok" Kieron said, "brought a little entertainment to my evening."
Mike followed Kieron down the staircase and into a small kitchen where he began to make coffee. Mike sat at a table and put his head in his hands, he could not think or feel, all he had was a deep hatred, for himself. He raised his first about to bang it on the table. "Damaging property gets you a fine you know." Mike looked up to see Kieron holding two steaming mugs, "oh, sorry" Mike said slumping putting his hand down.
"Sounds serious" Kieron said pushing a mug in front of Mike, "did you get stood up?" "Worse," Mike said emotionlessly, "I accused the only girl I've ever loved of cheating on me." "Did she?" Kieron enquired. "No, not exactly, I don't know" Mike admitted, raising his hands above his head. He took a sip of coffee; the heat scolded his mouth, but it seemed to make him feel a bit more with it.
What he wouldn't give to have Lucas or Will here right now. "I'm no expert" Kieron said tentatively, "believe me, but if you want to talk." Mike looked at him. Normally he did not share such things, especially with strangers, but he felt the need to empty himself. Slowly he told Kieron about his evening.
"Wow that's heavy stuff," Kieron said holding his chin, "you must be pretty cut up man." "That's an understatement" Mike said. "What about you, how's your love life?" That's a very personal question" Kieron said amused, "but since you shared so much with me. I don't have one" he admitted. "There's one girl I really like but, she's not into me." "That's a shame" Mike said, "you're a nice guy." "Thanks" Kieron said, "well easy come, easy go," he took a drink from his coffee.
The two were silent for a moment. "Can I ask you something?" Mike said. "Fire away" Kieron said, "if this place is so empty how come you're so tired?" "I work two jobs" Kerion said, "during the day I work at Harry's bar and in the evenings," he surveyed the room with a little forlornness, "I'm here."
"That's rough" Mike admitted, "yeah" Kieron said, "I'm off tomorrow though so looking forward to that." "Cool you got any plans?" Mike probed, feeling the need to keep talking. "Just playing Tennis with a friend of mine" Kieron said casually.
"Ten." The word sent Mike into palpitations, about 4 different emotions engulfed him all at once; sadness, anger, envy, worry. He took deep breaths trying to calm his nerves. "Are you ok?" Kieron asked, "I," Mike said, he had to hold in with all his might the question of what his friends name was. "No, it's a coincidence" he thought, "a cruel, cruel coincidence."
"I'm sorry" Mike said rising from the table, "I'm actually a bit tired I think I'm going to go to bed." "Ok" said Kieron "well, have a good sleep, you know where to find me if you need anything." Mike nodded and left the room in silence, Kieron looking on with empathy.
Mike found his way his room blindly not noticing anything, just feeling, exhausted. He closed the curtains and immediately lay on the bed closing his eyes, of course only one thing came to his mind. El, the most wonderful girl in the world, looking so angry, and then so alone. He had been the cause of this. Mike felt a tear well in his eye which he wiped away, but it was freshly replaced by another, he knew one thing for sure, he wasn't getting any sleep that night.
