Trigger Warning: This story doesn't show any rape, but very heavily implies and references it, and the main character's trauma from being raped is the main focus of the story. Turn back if this topic is upsetting to you.
AN: Special thanks to "Rosy the PIAT-teer" for beta reading this. Also, like all my works, this is cross-posted from AO3/Archive of Our Own.
"You didn't meet your quota!" the soldier barked. "I said 200 apples!"
Eunie grumbled. "Uh, yeah, and that's what I got."
"I see only 199!"
She snapped back at him, "Well snuffin' count again then, it's all th…" She noticed out of the corner of her eye, behind the guy bothering her now, another soldier. He was holding an apple, chomping on it in a way that made him look like an arsehole. Had a creepy little smile on his face too, looking her right in the eye. What she wouldn't give to wipe that sneer right off his ugly mug…
"Ah, well there it is then, your friend there's nabbed it," she explained, pointing at the fruit thief.
"It doesn't matter what he has. You were to collect 200 dance apples and deliver them in this box by the end of the day. Whatever your excuse, there are only 199 in the box."
She groaned and rolled her eyes back. This lot were a real piece of work. "Ugh, fine! I'll go back and get another—"
"Stupid girl, the day is over, and the gates are locked up! As punishment, you shall be assigned to a…different task tomorrow." She could practically hear him smiling behind his helmet. "It definitely won't be as pleasant as today's though. At least not for you, ha!"
The longer-term prisoners did say 'you don't want to know' what the punishment was for missing your quota, but how bad could it really be? Still, she couldn't help but be a bit worried; it must have been at least a bit nasty.
"Are you alright Eunie? You were in the showers for quite a while," Mio asked, worried for Eunie. They hadn't seen her all day since they went out to do their work, and she was acting very strange now that she was back; she wasn't her usual chatty self, and didn't want to look anyone in the eyes. Stayed in the shower until the guards cut off the water for the night too, and she went right to bed instead of eating. She clearly wasn't sleeping though—she was just staring at the wall, curled up under the covers.
"I don't want to talk about it." Eunie sounded sour, and bothered by something.
"What could be so important that Eunie skip mealtime?" Manana asked. "To survive prison labor, Eunie need energy, and filling of belly!"
Lanz interjected, "Exactly! I've never seen you skip out on grub. 'cept that one time when you ate those weird mushrooms and couldn't even look at food the rest of the day—"
"I said I don't wanna talk about it," Eunie snapped, to which Lanz flinched. "Just, snuffin' leave me alone, alright?…" she said, voice breaking up.
"Haha, she 'missed' her quota yesterday?! Sweet! Been a while since I had some nice tight Kevussy!"
Kev-what? That didn't sound like a real word, and more than that, it sounded stupid as all ash—probably what his brain was made of.
The guard's head turned to stare at her. She couldn't see his face below the helmet, but the way he was rubbing his dirty snuffin' palms together made it obvious the kind of nasty grin the filthy mudder must have had.
"Now now, don't forget," replied the arsehole who was eating the stupid apple yesterday, "I called first dibs. You can go second though I guess, and you can count yourself lucky for that. Gonna be a damn long queue with this one. Probably only gonna be time for everyone to have one round each."
"Everyone? Round? What the spark are you plannin' to…"
"Shut it birdie!" The soldier snickered and then continued, "Actually, scratch that. Keep it nice and wide open, I'll shut it for you…" Both of them burst out laughing like maniacs.
Eunie's wings curled up fearfully, as she started to suspect what they were going to do. They wouldn't, right? They couldn't. They were Agnian, so they shouldn't even know about that stuff…
Why were they still bothering her? Eunie could hear them, muttering to each other behind her back, trying to figure out what the guards had put her through. She heard Taion whispering, "She didn't become reclusive like this even after the nightmares triggered by her old husk."
Sena whispered back, "What could be worse than reliving your own death? Did they hurt her? She doesn't look bruised or cut or anything…"
Eunie trembled and shook. It did hurt, even now. Everything was aching and sore, in places she really didn't want to be sore. She'd tried healing herself, but it still hurt. She'd scrubbed herself in the showers as long as she could, the heat turned up as high as she could bear, and still felt filthy inside and out. And she couldn't blame Sena for not noticing something so subtle, but she did actually have some feathers missing—plucked out by every mudder who wanted a 'trophy', as if what they did deserved some sparking prize. They'd grow back, but that wasn't the point.
She wanted to cry, but she couldn't, not in front of them. She didn't need their pity, she just wanted to forget any of it ever happened. Tears dripped from her eyes. She was glad she'd picked the bed beside the wall, so she could face that instead of them.
The conversation must have gone on while she wasn't paying attention, because now their voices were raised. Noah blurted out, "Wait, Taion! You're not suggesting they really…"
She could feel their eyes on her. All of them. Then she heard some of them stepping closer, practically hovering over her.
Mio murmured sympathetically, "Oh, Eunie…"
Eunie sat up suddenly, turning to them all. "Please just drop it!" she begged. "Please. I'm beggin' you, all of you, just drop it! I'll… I'll forget about it one day," she said, trying to convince herself as much as the others. "But not if you keep remindin' me!" She shoved Taion, who was the closest, but he didn't so much as say 'hey' in protest. She hated that. Normally he'd complain about her pushing him like that, even playfully, but now he was biting his tongue, just because…
That stupid look in their eyes. All of them. Pity. At least none of them had tried to hug her; she was sure she'd have reflexively broken one of their hands if they touched her right now.
She turned away and flopped back onto the bed, trying not to cry. Most of them sounded like they were walking away, like she wanted.
As sappy as it sounded, she'd wanted her first time doing 'sex' to be with someone special, that she loved and who loved her back. One of them 'spouse' things Monica talked about. Now the chance of her first experience of it being a happy one was taken from her, and even if she did try again later, would she even be able to enjoy it? Able to feel safe with them? Or would it just remind her of this day?…
The only thing making her feel a little better right now was the thought of killing a few of those mudders tomorrow during the escape. This whole time she'd gone along with the 'don't kill, just incapacitate' stuff, but now she wanted some snuffing blood. Even if she didn't kill them, she'd at least shoot their sparking pricks off.
"I'm sorry, Eunie," Mio said suddenly. Apparently, she was the only one who had stayed. "I won't bring it up again. But…if you ever change your mind, you can talk to me. To any of us. We're here for you, no matter what."
Well… Maybe having someone to talk to was okay… She'd want to comfort Mio or Noah, if it were them, right?
Eunie sniffled. It still hurts.
"I know, Eunie. I'm so sorry…"
Oh, she'd said that out loud, hadn't she? She didn't know how she felt about that.
Mio asked gently. "Would you like me to get Taion to make you some tea? We don't have much to work with in here, but…"
Eunie pressed her lips together firmly, and nodded. Tea would be nice…
