Of Bittersweet Beginnings

Author's Note: This is a gift fic for uncorrectgrammar on ao3 for the SW Father-Daughter Appreciation Gift Exchange! :D

~ Rivana Rita


She doesn't usually mind the dark, but now, she certainly does – it's too dark, and she can hardly see anything. Her father will find her, though, of course, but the reminder doesn't stop her fear.

Tied to a chair in a pitch-black room could never not make someone scared, and her best friend is lying in pieces on the floor. Leia jerks against her restraints again – the ones Lola had tried cutting but didn't get far in before being interrupted.

Her choices are quite simple: either she stays here, or she tries to escape on her own, even if the prospect is frightening. But she won't just sit here and wait indefinitely. She's a princess. She is Princess Leia Organa, and these people will not keep her here.

Squirming will only do so much good; her restraints are holding tight, though the ones on her right hand are slightly less now – Lola started cutting it, but she didn't finish. She can't reach the floor, either, but the chair legs are creaking dangerously if she moves hard enough.

She's already worn out, but she won't let that stop her. Being away from the palace and formalities and everything is relieving, but it's scary. She wants to go home.

She finally throws it backwards into the wall, and it makes a disturbing screech and thud, before slamming it forwards again. Get off, get off, get off!

Leia can't shake the feeling that something is coming, something that feels oddly dark and light at once – she can always see it. She doesn't really understand it, but sometimes, she can see the shades of black and white and gray through time and see it enough to know that she's in black now and there's something gray right ahead and brilliantly white beyond.

She jerks against her restraints, finally slamming the chair against the wall again hard enough for the back to snap off. It frees her enough to wiggle her arms loose and between untying herself and smashing the rest of the chair, she gets herself free.

Now that Leia has nothing immediate to focus on, she finds how nervous she is. She has no idea who these people are or what they want. She has heard, of course, stories of people who are kidnapped and never seen from again. She has to get back home.

Leia picks up Lola and hides her in her dress before digging through the remains of the chair. The... thing, whatever it is, is getting closer – something that makes her hair stand on end, and it curls uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach. It's cold, icy, prickling at every inch of her body, and she doesn't like it.

If they come in here again, she can run. She can find a way back to Alderaan.

The strange feeling is getting closer and standing alone in the dark is... she wishes Lola was awake. She doesn't want to be alone right now.

She wishes there was a light on, except it'll be easier, but the waiting is hard. She doesn't want to wait, but there's not a choice. They'll be coming in eventually, though, right? They can't be planning to leave her tied to a chair forever.

She can hear something distantly outside the room. Something is happening. Someone is coming back. The door hisses open, and Leia hits the person who enters with a metal part she pulled out of the chair debris without even looking and makes a run for the door.

A hand grabs her arm and drags her back. No, no, no, no! "Let go of me!" Leia shouts, trying to pull away, but his hand is impossibly hard, and he's impossibly strong.

"Quiet, Princess." His voice is deep and toneless, almost like a droid's, except she can instinctively tell he's annoyed. Angry, actually. It's not until now that she registers the respirator. "I have come to bring you home."

She looks up at him; he's practically thrice her height, or maybe it's just that he's so big. He's wearing all black, with a rather disturbing looking helmet, and there's lights on his chest for some unfathomable reason, and he's wearing a cape. Is he a droid? Except looking at him, for some reason, brings the image in her mind of a fire, burnt black with rage and pain – he's in pain, that's why he's angry. "Who are you?" she demands suspiciously.

"It is of no consequence," he snaps. "I have been dispatched to bring you home, and that is what I will do."

"How do I know you're not planning to lock me up somewhere else?" she demands – she doesn't know him. Her father would send more than just one person. He would send a whole army – she's a princess, after all. "How do I know you're not one of the kidnappers?"

"I serve the Empire," he replies. "Your father is a galactic Senator. Come."

He's as impatient to go as Leia is, but she doesn't trust him because she has no reason to. Even if he lets go of her arm and heads for the door. He's clearly short on patience, and he has a commanding air to him that is impossible to ignore. She doesn't trust him, though. Why should she? "Where's the army?" Leia asks, trailing him as he walks at a rapid pace down the halls. She's nearly running to keep up with him. It's so not fair. His height means he can move much faster.

He turns towards her with a flare off annoyance. "I am far more effective than any army."

Light glints off his lightsaber, which finally catches her eye. "Are you a Jedi?" she asks.

"No. The Jedi are traitors to the Empire," he replies acidly.

"I thought the Jedi helped people," she says, suddenly feeling small.

"Perhaps, once, before they created their own doom."

Leia glances up and down the hall – no one is here. He must have gotten rid of the kidnappers somehow. He doesn't say anything, and neither does she. There are so many colors and things outside. She's never been off Alderaan before, and she wants to see it all.

It's even harder to keep up with him out here, especially when there's so many things to see. She can't help getting distracted by it, and he materializes beside her again – he really should not be able to move so fast and quietly – putting a hand on her shoulder to pull her back. "Come," he commands.

"Why is your hand so hard?" she grumbles, annoyed.

"It's a prosthetic," he answers, obviously irked.

"... oh." She knows what that means, and she wants to know how that happened, except she doesn't know if he'll want to talk about it. She can feel the anger he holds is rising, flaring. It's always burning, and she doesn't think it ever stops. He's not doing this for her; he's doing it because it's his job. He seems lonely, and –

Something shoves against her, not hard, but still present, not physical but rather the non-physical plane of existence she can so clearly feel. "You are Force-sensitive," he realizes, pausing.

Leia stumbles to a stop next to him, nearly tripping. "What does that mean?"

"The Force is what gives a Jedi or Sith power. It resides in... all beings."

Uh... "It's magic?" Her eyes widen as the rest of it catches up to her. "I have that? And what's a Sith?"

"The Force is an energy field, young one. It resides in all living beings. It is what binds the galaxy together."

"Is that why I always know how people are feeling?" she asks. And does that mean she could be a Jedi?! Not that she wants to be. It's still...

It's strange. And it feels oddly right. She knows it's the truth because... she does.

"Yes."

"If... you're not a Jed, then what are you?" He ignores her. "What's your name? You have a name, right?"

"Darth Vader," the cyborg answers finally, "Cease your inquiries." He seems to be growing increasingly irritated, but Leia suspects it's not as her so much as it is... something else. "My identity does not matter. It is the Emperor who has demanded your retrieval."

"You don't seem happy about that," she ventures anyway – and he really, really doesn't.

"Dealing with princesses is not my duty with the Empire."

The Emperor himself? She can't tell if it's true, or if he's exaggerating. "What is your job with the Empire?" Leia asks, curious. Vader ignores her. He seems to do that a lot, and there's no way he can't hear her. "Are you a droid?" she asks, looking up at him.

He stops and looks down at her, something about him seeming... angrier. "No."

The vehemence he says it with irks her. It reminds her of her very not-nice cousin. "Droids are nicer than people," she says, loudly, "Most of the time. So, it makes sense."

He stops to stare at her, and Leia looks back, undeterred. If he's trying to be scary, he's failing. Really, she's just tired of being ignored.

"Most beings have more kindness than me, Princess," he replies sharply, and keeps walking. There are so many things to see here, and it's hard to keep up with him. It's annoying, and... a strange, small part of her wants to trust him, though she doesn't understand why. Even if she can't... trust him, he's not lying, at least.

"We will depart to Mustafar," he says, stopping in a less crowded place. She doesn't see anyone nearby, though she can't shake the feeling they're being watched.

"Mustafar?!" Leia yelps, her anxiety spiking instantly, "You said you were taking me home!"

"Mustafar is my place of dwelling," he replies, "You will be returned home right after."

She is not agreeing to this until she is absolutely, completely certain as to why. "Why?" she demands. "How do I know you're not one of the kidnappers?"

He's been obviously annoyed since he first came, and that's just as true now. "I have far more demanding attendances than handling a spoiled princess."

What?! "I'm not spoiled!" she protests indignantly. She looks around, immediately considering running, questioning the chances of getting back to Alderaan without Vader stopping her.

He doesn't even respond, and Leia glares at him, but he keeps moving. The rest of the walk is brief. The... Imperial shuttle is right nearby, which obviously means he wasn't lying about that, anyway. "How can I trust you when I know you're hiding something?" she demands.

She feels herself moving, floating, actually, towards the ship the ship. Her head whips around towards Vader – he's doing it, isn't he? He's moving his hand, and her with it, and this is so cool! He boards the ramp and closes it before she can think about trying to... find a different way back home. Though she still can't shake the feeling that someone was watching them.

Vader disappears into the cockpit, and she feels them take off, but it's... well. She doesn't want to be here. She wants to go home.

Absently, she pulls out Lola. The droid is damaged, inoperable. It hurts seeing her like this. Leia wants her company more than anything else right now.

It must be a while before Vader comes back. She doesn't know how long, but she's preoccupied with how the current situation is finally settling in. She has absolutely no idea when or how she'll go home. And that strange... darkness and cold she felt earlier is permeating the air, and the more she thinks about it, the more she thinks it's coming from Vader. Which is weird. And creepy. A person shouldn't feel like that.

And he said something about her being Force-sensitive, which means she can use the same... magic whatever that he can, and she doesn't know what to think about that, either.

She doesn't know what to think about Vader. He is kind of scary, but she can tell he's the one who's really scared. She thinks he's scared now again, for some reason. Something is upsetting him, and it makes her feel bad for him even if he's been nothing except very, very mean since he came.

But he somehow manages to enter quietly into the room she's sitting, holding Lola close to her chest.

"Is that... your droid?" he inquires finally.

"Mm-hm."

"I can... repair it," he offers.

Leia brightens immediately. "Really?"

"I am well-versed with technology," he replies dryly, and Leia hesitantly holds out the droid to him. Instead of taking it, he elevates it into his hands with the same... magic-whatever he used before. She can sort of feel it when he does that, like a strange tingling in the air. It feels staticky.

The pieces are moving, slowly fitting themselves back together. "You really are good at this," she whispers, awed.

"I built a droid many years ago," he says, seeming slightly preoccupied, "At your age. It was... for someone I knew."

"A friend?" she guesses, but that doesn't seem quite right. "Your parents?"

"My mother."

Why does she have the distinct feeling that he never talks about this? And why is he telling her this? "What about your father?" she asks.

That burning rage is back now, again. "He abandoned me." In her mind's-eye, she sees a flash of something orange tinged gold and red and black and it feels... hot, and it somehow reminds her of the person standing in front of her.

... oh. Leia has heard, in theory, of such things happening before, but never... to someone she knew. Family is important. Despite how Bail, her father, assured her of how she's a real Organa, she really, really wants to see her real parents. "I wanna meet my real parents," she says quietly. She doesn't even know why she's telling him this. She doesn't know why it feels safe to be open with him. It's... strange. She shouldn't. Probably. Maybe? "I don't even know if they're alive."

"As a war orphan, you were privileged to be raised in a... hospitable environment," he points out.

"I want to know who they were. Is that weird?"

"I once did as well. I regret finding the answer." He lowers the now completed droid towards her.

She holds Lola in her hands again, turning her over. "Thank you," she says, smiling up at him. He doesn't look scary now. He looks... lonely.

"I am taking you to Mustafar to test your Force-sensitivity." She's not quite sure what to think of the sudden change in attitude – his authoritativeness is back. He's being commanding again.

"Okay," she says, "What does that mean?"

"The Force is conducted through us by the midi-chlorians. They reside in our blood."

"Why haven't I heard about them in biology?" Leia asks.

Vader sort of side-eyes her. "The complexity is far higher than your age-range, young one."

"I'm not that young."

"The hyperspace travel will be... extended," Vader continues, ignoring her comment, "It would be best for you to... rest."

**w**

It's cold and hard to sleep, but... Leia doesn't enter the cockpit again until minutes before they exit hyperspace. It's... she's never been able to watch them take off from planets before, and it's beautiful. The planet – Mustafar – it looks like lava from space. Literally. "Why would you want to live there?" she asks, standing on her tiptoes and leaning against the control panel to get a better look. "It looks like lava."

"It is a lava moon," he replies bluntly. "It was a mining world."

"It doesn't look very hospitable."

"It is not."

"They why do you live there?"

"I chose to."

"Why? Is the view nice?"

Vader gives her that side-eyeing look again. "It is a place of importance to me. It grants me power."

"How can a planet give someone power?" Leia inquires dubiously.

"It fuels the Dark Side. It gives me strength."

"What's the Dark Side?" It sounds... scary, but familiar for some reason. "Is that what makes you feel so cold?" She wrinkles her nose. "I don't like it."

"The Dark Side is not frightening, young one. It is power. I may teach you."

Uh. No way. Absolutely not. "I'll have to ask my parents first," Leia replies stubbornly.

There's a flicker of something from him she doesn't understand, but he doesn't reply. The shuttle is heading towards the planet now, and Leia finds a strange amount of giddiness in her at viewing the landing.

The rest of the trip is a million questions on Leia's part, including about why it takes so long and... Vader's mechanical lectures make her regret asking, but not quite enough to stop. Vader is not particularly socially inclined, she's realized.

The shuttle lands on a small landing platform outside a towering black structure. It looks intimidating, to say the least, really something out of a horror holofilm. It looks spooky. It feels spooky, too. It's way, way too cold., even though she can see lava-flows outside, which are beautiful but terrifying. They're golden orange, or sometimes orangish gold.

"This is where you live?" Leia asks, staring wide-eyed up at it. Vader shoved her into her seat for the actual touch-down, but the landing process was long.

"Yes." He sounds toneless, and she can't tell if he's more annoyed or proud right now. He seems expectant, though. "You will remain at my side. Do not touch anything."

"You sound like my parents again," she whines, following him from the ship and stepping out into the... overbearingly hot air. It's stifling, and it smells weird, and she doesn't like it. But it's so, so hot and it must be in the hundreds out here, because she's already sweating, and it's hot enough to make her want to rip her skin off because this is too hot.

She sprints after him inside, gasping in the properly oxygenated air when the massive door closes behind them with an ominous echo. Maybe... coming here wasn't a good idea. Now that she's inside, the creepiness is reaching a whole new level, and Leia can't even say what it is that spooks her so much. It's everything, but nothing at all.

"Come," Vader says briskly, shortly. He seems angry again, and she feels him tugging her after him with the Force, like a firm grip on her wrist she can't pull away from since it's not real, making her keep walking to keep up.

"If you want to hold my hand so badly, you don't have to be shy about it," she grumbles, annoyed. Reaching up, she grabs his hand – it's way too big and it makes her feel way too small, and it's hard. It's metal. She can imagine what droid hands feel like through thick leather gloves, and that's exactly what this is. Part of her wants to know why. Part of her... really, really doesn't.

Vader stops again and looks down at her with apparent disbelief. "Do I not frighten you?"

Leia glances up at him, towards the red visor of his mask, wondering what he looks like beneath it. "I know you try to act frightening because you're the one who's scared," she replies. "You think it will make you stop being scared of everyone else, but it won't."

"Fear strengthens me," he snaps.

Leia studies him consideringly. He thinks he's telling the truth, but he's not. "If you avoid your fear, it holds you back," she replies, studying his mask. In some unfathomable way, it says more about him then seeing his face could. "If you let it go, it won't."

"Fear gives me anger. Anger brings hate, and hate brings strength."

Leia blinks. "That's stupid."

"It is the way of the Dark Side." His anger is back again, smoldering. It's like a twisted, flaming fire burned black with pain and loss. He misses contact, and he seems to have lost his memory of that.

"Trying to make everyone scared of you for no reason won't help anyone," she replies loudly.

Vader ignores that comment entirely and keeps walking, entering a lift. Leia glances around it, eyeing the controls – there are way too many floors but not enough for the height of this crazy... building. Castle. Thing. It's not like Alderaan. Instead of white, everything is black. Instead of white against green and blue and skies and clouds and trees, it's black against gold and red and rock and lava. Everything here looks intimidating.

And she can't help getting a strange glimpse of... an image, a memory, burning in her mind or maybe in his, one of a blonde-haired man holding a girl's hand. She's a Togruta, lying in front of him, her body and the little clothes she's wearing – Leia has no idea why someone would ever willingly dress like that – are streaked with soot. His black-gloved hand traces over her red-gloved one, and Leia can't help thinking that whoever she is, she's beautiful.

It's replaced with a flash of her disappearing down the steps of... something in the final rays of sunlight, and another image of her dressed in blue instead of maroon and two lightsabers are clipped to her belt. Then there's one of those lightsabers lying mostly buried in the snow, before it dissipates entirely.

Vader doesn't say anything until they reach a... medbay, which Leia has an even worse feeling about for some reason. It just feels like something not good happens here.

It makes her head feel light and foggy, distant, disassociated. "What's wrong with this place?" Leia asks, entering with reluctance.

"Nothing of concern," Vader replies sharply, too sharply, and he flips on a nearby medical droid. Somehow, that only makes the coldness in the room feel worse, and she shivers, pressing slightly closer as if that would do something to make it stop. It doesn't. "Get me her midi-chlorian count," he commands the droid, pulling away from her.

Would now be too late to say that she hates needles? Honestly, what child doesn't? But still. She's too stubborn to mention it though, and the droid takes a blood sample and moves off to do... something with it.

"The count is unidentifiable," the droid replies, "The scan must be incorrect."

Vader crosses the room in a few quick strides, looking at... whatever the results say. Leia shifts uncomfortably on her feet. She can feel... something shifting and changing. Something important is happening or is about to happen. Something life changing.

"No," Vader replies, and somehow, he sounds quiet. "The scan is not incorrect. Does her DNA match as the offspring of... Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker and Senator Padme Amidala?"

Jedi Knight? Leia shifts uncomfortably on her feet. Vader doesn't seem to like the Jedi. It's just a feeling, and she doesn't want him to know if that's true.

"His scans have always been something of an enigma," the droid begins.

"Is she?" Vader grits out.

"Affirmative," the droid replies, and something in the air just... freezes.

And then lashes out. It explodes into a whirlwind of something, and Leia can see it in her mind's eye – the black fire lashing out in a shower of sparks, licking over the walls and burning them, but leaving her somehow untouched, and back in the physical realm she hears the screeching of metal as the walls cave and twist, shuddering from the force of this storm.

It's Vader, she realizes with a start. It's from Vader, and for the very first time, she thinks she is scared of him.

Then all at once, it's cut off, and he spins around, cape flapping dramatically, and stalks for the door. He doesn't look at her. Just walks. Leia glances back to the droid, then takes off after. "You told me to stay with you," she calls, trying to keep up with his much-too-fast strides. He doesn't slow down, but he does stop when he reaches the lift again.

Normally, she might not mind exploring a bit, but she doesn't like this place.

Leia skids to a stop when the door opens and darts inside after him before it can close. Something is wrong with him, and she doesn't know what. She doesn't even know if she wants to be here.

"Leia," he says, and it's the first time he's ever called her by name.

"Are you okay?" she asks uncertainly.

Slowly, he lowers himself to one knee, keeping them more at eye-level. "I chose your name. Leia. From the... Tatooine mythology. I... once had the name Anakin Skywalker."

The last few days have simply been way, way too much. "You are my father?" she breathes, feeling lightheaded.

"I am, my daughter."

There's a heartbeat of silence, of uncertainty. She wanted to meet him, and he... came. Somehow. Finally. She knew her real parents were probably dead, but he's here. He's alive, even if he thinks living in a dungeon castle is a magnificent idea and is very, very grumpy most of the time. After a moment of frozen uncertainty, she darts forwards, wrapping her arms around him. He's still tall even if he's kneeling, her head can't quite reach his shoulder. She lays it on his chest instead, with a disturbingly vivid view of his chest plate. He has literal controls all over, and she's mildly disturbed to realize that. Why would that happen to a person?

Vader stills, finally moving to wrap his arms around her as if it's been so long, he's forgotten how to do so. She can't really feel him, so it really is like hugging a droid, and it wouldn't bother her if she weren't fairly certain he probably can't feel it anyway. No wonder he seems so incredibly lonely.

"Where were you?" Leia asks. "What happened to you? Why...?"

"I did not raise you, my daughter, for I did not know you lived." He presses his mask to her head, holding her close, as if afraid she will disappear if he let go.

They don't let go until the lift beeps and the doors open, and the said open doors seem to make Vader start feeling incredibly self-conscious.

This time, he doesn't hesitate to hold her hand. Not when they walk into a room that looks like a dungeon-like office with very large windows overlooking the lava outside.

"It is a nice view," Leia says, repeatedly trying to look out the window from all the way across the room and get a better view at the ground, "I think it could do with some redesigning inside, though."

"You are so much like your mother." For the briefest flash of a moment, she can see someone in her mind, a flash of an image, but still – a dark-haired woman. She's smiling, and her presence feels so soft and smooth, but then she's somewhere else, in a world tinted orange, and she's crying.

"What was she like?" Leia asks. "Where is she?"

Vader is quiet for a few moments as he sits down, and she climbs onto the arm of his chair next to him – yes, its bad manners, but there's only one chair in the room. "She's gone," Vader answers quietly, and there's a pained moment of quiet.

It hurts, for some reason, even if Leia expected it. She thought they both were, but... "Oh," is all she manages to say, trying to find something less... painful.

Leia doesn't really understand what it is she's feeling, but she can somehow pick up on a crushing wave of grief and darkness and pain.

She's sitting sideways on the arm, her feet laying on his leg, and his hand lays on her back. His touch is always mind-blowingly gentle. It's so soft.

She wants to cry. She already has a mother back home – Breha Organa is amazing, and Leia couldn't ask for anything more, but she still wants to know her real mother. She wants to know who... made her. What her origins are. "Do you have another chair in here?" she asks, trying to distract herself, glancing around the room. "What happens normally if someone else comes in here?"

"I live alone. If someone were to enter, they would stand."

"But that's rude! My father says it's impolite." He looks at her, and she straightens, backtracking. "I mean..."

"I know what you mean, young one. And I will discover who stole you from me." His anger is simmering again. He is scary when he's angry, even if she pretends to be unaffected.

"Stole?" she asks. "What happened? Why weren't you there?"

"I do not understand how you are alive," he replies. "I was told I killed your mother. I... did not remember it, but she was gone when I awoke."

"Awoke from what?" she inquires quietly, feeling small.

His free hand clenches tight enough that she can faintly hear the gears squealing in protest though the constant sound of his respirator. "From this, my child." He gestures towards the mechanisms his body is hooked up to, and she swallows. "You were not... abducted by my orders. An Inquisitor, seeking to hunt the... man who did this to me, had it done to gain my favor. I brought you here to Mustafar to lure him here."

"The Empire kidnapped me?!" she demands, instantly outraged. They were supposed to be good, right? They were supposed to help people!

"Had they harmed you, I would already have slaughtered them," Vader replies seriously.

"They killed one of the guards!" Leia argues. She'll never forget feeling his life just blink out. It was fast, but it was horrible. He was there and then he just wasn't. And...

"One of the guards?" Vader repeats, "Where were you that only one guard was with you when they took you?"

Leia huffs. "I snuck outside because I thought it would be funny. It was never dangerous! I do it all the time."

"It was not under order," Vader replies, "Though I believe her attempts have been... successful, as well as bringing you to me."

"And what's an Inquisit-what?"

"Inquisitors are trained assassins who hunt Jedi."

"I thought the Jedi were good."

"The Jedi are traitors to the Empire."

"But... I thought you were a Jedi?" The droid did say 'Jedi Knight' after all, right?

"When I was once young and foolish, I was considered a Jedi. I am no longer that boy."

She wrinkles her nose again. "I hope not. You're my father. You can't be that young."

"Thirty-three. Or thirty-two. I frequently lose track of time as of late."

"That is very old."

"It is a mere fraction of the human lifespan."

"This room is too dark," Leia adds forcefully, "It makes me feel like I'm in prison. Is that the point?"

"It is only this color I forget I cannot see clearly," he replies, irked.

... oh. She never thought about how he can only see everything as red. "Why can't you make your visor clear? And why do you wear that at all?"

"My eyes were... damaged. They are sensitive to light."

Leia winces. "Can you take this off? I wanna see what you look like."

"No," Vader replies firmly. "Not now. Perhaps... when you are older."

Which is a much fancier way of saying 'never'. Leia scowls but he seems firm enough that arguing will be pointless. Why are adults so stubborn like that?

He's quiet, and she doesn't know what else to say. She's too taken up with how this is her father, and he's apparently still alive, to... process. He's probably feeling the same, seeing as he actually had a reason to believe she was dead, one Leia still doesn't understand. "I still don't know how you couldn't have known about me," she says, finally. Bluntly.

"I believed our child died with her. I was... injured. My master brought me back."

Leia straightens immediately, frowning. "Master?" That's a term only droids or slaves use, so why in the galaxy is her father using it?!

"I am a Sith. The Emperor is my master."

"But – but you're not a droid, and I thought only slaves called people that."

"He is my... teacher," Vader replies, "In name. It does not matter. You and I can take his place."

"What?" she squeaks. "I don't want anything to do with the Senate! It's boring! It's just people in itchy clothes arguing."

Vader makes a strange sound – she suspects he's trying to smother a laugh. "I have little... respect for the Senate as well, my daughter. They do not truly help those in need."

"Isn't that what the Empire's supposed to do?"

"It is, but my master's rule is ineffective at times."

Suddenly, Leia feels a prickle of something again. "What is that?" she asks. "I keep getting this... feeling."

"It's the Force," he replies, "It is warning you of an enemy's approach. Obi-Wan will arrive soon."

"Who's that?" The name rings with a strange amount of importance, and for a fleeting moment she thinks she can see... something, catches a glimpse of something years past, of a younger, more human version of her father and another man, which rapidly fades into flashes of fire and... what looks suspiciously like the landscape outside. Love and hate, longing and fear all mingled together.

"He is the one who did this. Had I not been so weak and had he not interfered, your mother would be alive."

She really, really doesn't know what's going to happen now. She's not entirely certain she wants to, either. "What are you going to do?" Leia asks in a small voice, "Who is he?"

"He's a Jedi, and a traitor. He will pay for his failure."

"Revenge is wrong," she objects. "My mother always tells me I need to rise above that."

She really wishes she knew what the noise Vader makes meant. He pulls away from her and stands up, and Leia starts maneuvering her way onto the floor, except she decides she'd much prefer standing on his chair right now, because it's annoying to be so short. "It is the way of the Sith."

"It's not healthy. It's wrong and it just makes everything worse."

"He will not escape." She doesn't think he knows, but the fire he is she can see in her mind – its orange streaked black now, instead of only black, or maybe she's just getting a clearer look at it now.

"Why do you want to hurt him?" she asks. "I know you care about him."

Vader turns away sharply, stalking to the window. "I betrayed him and your mother. He... turned her against me. He tried to kill me, but he was too weak to carry it through."

Her stomach does a very unpleasant flip. "You're angry at him for not killing you?" she squeaks. "How? Why? That doesn't make any sense!"

"I will show him some semblance of the constant, ceaseless agony he has made me endure for years," he snarls.

Leia jumps off the chair, forcing back her fear, because yes, seeing him angry like this is frightening. The Force is whipping around him violently. He does mean to do everything he's saying and... it makes her sick. All of this is. "But if he hurt you in revenge, how does that make you any better?"

"I will not pretend to be better than him."

That is so not helpful. She wants to scream. Or cry. Instead, she scrambles to remember whatever it was her mother usually tells her when she accidently/intentionally makes someone cry for being mean. "But," Leia begins, mind scrambling, "But if you hurt him again, he'll hurt you worse, won't he?"

"There is no pain he can inflict on me I have not already endured."

"Dad, don't be mean," Leia tells him in a failed attempt to sound authoritative.

"I am merciless," he replies, "That is why I am still alive. Mercy does not grant victory."

The cold is getting stronger, and it makes her feel sicker. She swallows, hoping she won't accidently throw up all over the floor because that will make a very, very bad impression for getting to know her father for the first time. "What if it was an accident?"

Vader very, very slowly turns around to look at her. "It was intentional, Leia. He may have thought I died, but I did not."

"Maybe you just need to apologize to each other."

"A Sith does not apologize!" He sounds highly offended.

"I think you're being a very bad example," Leia replies flatly, putting her hands on her hips.

"Likely," he agrees dryly, "I was a 'very bad example' to my... first daughter as well. She became selfish as I did and abandoned me as Obi-Wan did."

Leia swallows hard. The more she hears, the worse it's getting, and she doesn't know how that's even possible. "I think you are being kind of selfish right now," she agrees.

Vader turns towards her again, kneeling when she moves across the room towards him. The Fire shifts and calms, nearly deflating. "What... would you have me do, Leia?" She doesn't really understand. He changes so fast, warring from cold and violent to something soft. It's highly disconcerting. What is she supposed to say to that?

"My mother always tells me to apologize. I got kidnapped because I made my cousin mad at me for telling him to stop being mean to droids. I didn't want to, so I went outside, and I ended up here. So, you can also ignore him and run away. When do I get to go back to Alderaan?"

"You... are unwilling to remain with me?" he asks. He's always toneless for some reason, but Leia swears he sounds disappointed.

"I hate living at the palace; it's too quiet there. But I wanna go home."

"Perhaps... you also have some resemblance to me. I was always..." Leia feels a flicker of something again, and Vader straightens, looking up. "We will await him here," he decides.

"Please be nice," she requests. "Can't you at least try?"

He almost visibly deflates. "I do not know if I am capable."

Leia makes a face. "I know the feeling." Part of her almost doesn't want to ask him to be, because someone would have to be very, very mean to want to hurt him.

Abruptly, Vader stands, lifting her and carrying her back to the table, which she quickly discovers is a much better seat. She rests her feet on his thighs and for the moment, they just... look at each other, resting in the moment of how they've finally found one another.

The door opens when they're still sitting there together. Leia twists around immediately, wary. She has no idea what kind of person this is.

Well. He certainly doesn't look dangerous. He looks old and rather beat up. And very grumpy.

"Hand her over," the man – Obi-Wan, presumably – demands.

"You are even using a blaster now," Vader replies after a moment of silence, incredulity rolling off him in waves. "I distinctly remember you complaining about what an uncivilized weapon they were."

"An uncivilized weapon for very uncivilized people," Leia interjects grumpily, because really, she can't think of a more apt description. She also doesn't want to be here. Not when she highly suspects something is about to explode, quite literally.

"Did you know my daughter survived?" His voice has a slightly more ominous, dangerous note to it now.

"Dad," she reminds, grabbing his hand in the hopes of distracting him.

Across them, Obi-Wan just stares. His shock and confusion and horror are pouring off him in waves.

"This is why you should have another chair," Leia says loudly, "I think he did really think you were dead."

"Anakin," Obi-Wan breathes finally. He looks faint.

Leia catches a flicker of something from Vader again, flashes of fire and lightsabers and screaming, and suddenly she thinks she has a much clearer idea how he ended up like this – she's heard stories about it, but they were always distant. Unreal. Never to someone she knew, and she slides off his table back onto his chair, pressing closer to him and wrapping her arms around him again. His hand touches her head, running lightly across her hair while the other presses to her back to steady her. "Are you well, young one?" he asks.

Mutely, Leia shakes her head. "I keep seeing things. Flashes. I saw a fire and..."

"You have never been taught to shield your mind. It is... natural." But she can feel his presence, and it's somehow just so soothing, reaching for her. It wraps around her soothingly, and she glances towards Obi-Wan again once she feels something blocking away the emotions smothering her.

"Why did you try to kill my father?" she demands. Something instinctive and warm is bubbling up inside her, and she won't back down. She won't leave this, because it hurt her father, and he may not be very nice sometimes, but he cares about her, and she cares about him, and she doesn't want anyone to hurt him.

"How..." Obi-Wan says – Leia suspects he only knows how to produce one-word sentences right now.

"My other master is far more loyal than you," he replies venomously. "It appears you are quite ineffective at killing Sith. You should have killed me when you had the chance."

"Are you sure he's even hearing you?" Leia can't help asking, mostly because she doesn't want to hear this conversation. It hurts. "He's just standing there. You really should have another chair."

"Would you prefer me offer him the table?" Vader asks dryly.

"I don't know. Maybe."

She's angry at him – she can't and won't deny that, but her father – Bail told her many times that reacting on anger will only worsen situations and it's important to be polite in response to someone aggravating you, and since she can't truly imagine what happened here, it seems... easier. And she doesn't know why he was being mean to her father, but to be fair, her father is also kind of mean sometimes.

She's... uncomfortable, and quite honestly, doesn't fully understand what's happening. "Can't you just talk this out?" she asks almost shyly.

Vader stands, setting her down on the floor this time, one of his hands clenching tight enough she can hear the gears squealing in protest. They only look at each other as his respirator cycles once, then twice. "I will... consider it," he concedes at last.

**w**

Which is how she ended up very bored and stuck outside his office because... well, she didn't want to stay, and the entire atmosphere is too tense and unhappy, and this time, Leia has no idea how to help. Instead, she wanders aimlessly down the halls, trying to do as Vader said and "not touch anything that looks dangerous" which is hard, when she wants to poke at everything and figure out what it is.

Lola is flying beside her now as company, and they traipse a good way across the castle, Leia having really no idea where she's going except that something this way seems important. If it's really dangerous, it shouldn't be here, and she can just back out, right?

Something about this room feels... different, and she carefully steps inside the open doorway.

Tentatively, she steps inside. It's dimly lit and looks just as much like a prison as the rest of the castle, but there's an odd, pulsing light here. It reminds her of the girl she saw a flash of through Vader's eyes somehow.

It looks more... human than the rest of it for some reason, more like a place where someone would live, and there are traces of something... light. Something from before the fire burned black – something still gold and orange so much like the planet itself, except... it reminds her of Vader.

She sees some light-colored robes that also seem oddly familiar, maybe because they remind her of what she's seen Jedi wearing in holos. The main thing that catches her eye is another lightsaber lying on a table. She approaches it, wondering what it would be like to touch it. How would it feel to hold a lightsaber in her hands? Vader said she has the Force. She can be a Jedi or whatever if she wants to be. He did offer to train her, and she wants to be able to do the same cool stuff he can.

She doesn't know why it's here, but she wants to, and after studying it for a moment, Leia finally picks it up. The metal is cold in her hand, and something in it feels living in a way she can't understand. It's heavier than she thought, but not that heavy.

The hilt reminds her of that girl she saw, and it makes her wonder if that was her... sister? That's what Vader implied, anyway – he wasn't exactly clear about it. She runs her fingers over the controls, finally pressing down and nearly jumping at the snap-hiss it makes when the blade ignites, casting a blue glow through the darkened room.

It's a bit long for her, but it's beautiful, and it's... perfect. It feels right.

She doesn't know how it works, though, and she's mid-moving it in a sort of experimental swing when the door opens and Vader steps in. He stops, lingering just inside the doorway.

"It's beautiful," she says, grinning.

"That was... once my padawan's," he says. Not for the first time, Leia wishes she could hear his tone.

"Pa-what?"

"A padawan is a Jedi student," he replies, "I was... once Obi-Wan's."

"What happened to her?" Leia can't help asking. "Is she still alive?"

"I... do not know. Perhaps. She left me and any chance of contact was lost after the Empire."

"Are those yours?" she asks, pointing at the robes – he certainly doesn't look like he could wear something like that, but she doesn't know what he used to be like.

"They... once belonged to Obi-Wan." There's a flicker of something like bitterness mingled with a confusing sensation of pain and longing.

That... doesn't make any sense. "I thought you hated him."

"I do. I occasionally... crave for what we once had."

Leia looks back at the lightsaber, finally extinguishing it – it's not hers, but she wants it to be. "I wanna learn about the Force," she declares.

"We must be cautious," Vader replies almost ominously. "If the Emperor discovers it, he may believe I intend to betray him."

"That's stupid."

"It is the way of the Sith."

"Can I be a Jedi, then?" she huffs, "That sounds stupid. And it's not healthy."

"Jedi are weak, my daughter. I will not allow you to be weak."

"They're heroes!" Leia protests vehemently.

"They are not!" He actually seems annoyed now. "How much brainwashing have you experienced?"

That stings. "Obviously not as much as you! The Jedi helped my father during the Clone Wars!" It takes her a moment to remember that Obi-Wan isn't here. "And where is Obi-Wan?" Something inside her is desperately begging that Vader didn't hurt him, because she thinks that would be bad though she doesn't quite understand why.

"He is... in my office," Vader replies, "He was not in a state in which we can speak of this."

"Why is he so important?" Leia inquires.

Vader looks away, and there's a painfully long moment of tense silence. "He was... he raised me. Then when he could choose between me and the Empire and the Jedi, he chose to fall with the Jedi." The instead of staying with me is unstated, but she catches it anyway.

She can't imagine what that would be like because she knows her adopted parents would do anything for her. It's not even a doubt. The thought of that happening to someone else is... disturbing. The most she can offer him is a hug, which she immediately does. His height makes it awkward, but it doesn't stop her. "I'm not going anywhere," she offers.

His hand lightly lays on her hair. It's feather-light and gentle. She never knew to miss this, but it's not until now she knows how much she did. She could never wish she didn't know Bail and Breha, but she still wishes she had known her real parents.

"Can I keep this?" she asks, holding up the lightsaber hilt.

"It is a dangerous weapon. Not a toy."

She makes an annoyed sound, moving over to look close-up at his lightsaber. "Why do they look so different?"

"The wielder designs their own," he answers, "Mine was always heavier than hers. I will teach you to build your own."

She brightens instantly. "Really?"

**w**

He keeps expecting her to remind him of Ahsoka. She doesn't. She's not quite like her mother, either. She reminds him of... him. Of the person he used to be. Of what he was before Sidious and Mustafar and the Empire and... everything. Of someone who was good.

She's... she's good. He doesn't deserve her.

He can't truly be her father when he is... who he is now.

He wants to be. He wants that more than he's wanted anything, ever. He wants it with more fire than all the stars in the galaxy burn with. Except he has no idea how to go about finding it.

He will teach her the Force as she requested, and then... he doesn't know. Maybe... they will finally be free.

Final Notes: I think I'll just end it here, so it doesn't turn out 15k+ or anything. All I do know is that sometime after this either Vader and Leia remember Obi-Wan's existence, or he comes to find them, and they have the galaxy's most awkward talk.

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