Farah Adrianne Black was good at a lot of things. She was top of her class in math, history, running, shooting, karate and fishing. She could recite entire law books backwards and forwards by heart and had been one of Patrick Spring's most trusted bodyguards right up until his death.
But at the same time, there were a lot of things Farah Adrianne Black was bad at. Preventing Patrick Spring's death for one. Accepting her mistakes and moving on, another. Cooking anything more complex than a bowl of cereal without having a mental breakdown, is a more recurring example. But between all of that, there was one thing that she always failed at, no matter how many chances she got.
Romance.
Her (small) dating record was full of disappointed people, who were allured by her smarts and fighting prowess only to get less interested when she was revealed as the anxiety-riddled mess who can't figure out how to live normally for shit she was all along. Todd was the newest of those unlucky few, even if Farah wouldn't call that a romance, more a prolonged hook-up caused by an immense desire for closeness. It fizzled out the second after the agency finished the Cardenas case, but he seemed to still like her platonically at least, which was good. But Farah's thoughts weren't on Todd.
It was on his sister.
Amanda Brotzman. Former home-dweller and present leader of the Rowdy 3. Over her new career in Dirk's detective agency as the benefactor and the only one actually good at fighting, she's had quite a few interactions with her. In fact, she was right outside the cafe in which Farah was sitting, helping with the present case right now, which started out with finding a bunny animatronic named Bob which turned into finding one Franklin Luddyte and is now about stopping a self-replicating group of robots planning world domination.
Farah was staring at her through the window right now, the punk looking towards the rest of the R3, possibly telling them what and what not to destroy. Farah smiled. Calm, level-headed, rebellious. She commanded a pack of ax-crazy anarchist psychic vampires like it was nothing. Normally around this time Farah should be looking at evidence or translating Dirk's verbose way of talking to someone, but currently, the rest of the agency was off investigating an apartment that was half turned into metal, and she had been told repeatedly by Kaylee, the resident biologist, that she can sit this one out, having already spent a whole night looking up places Franklin could be, so she might as well.
Just as she was settling into her seat, however, Farah felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. She whipped around instantly, ready to stop any possible assailant from- oh it's Dirk.
The smiling jacket-wearing detective waved at her. "Hello, Earth to Farah! You seem awfully think-y today!" He sat down on the other side of Farah's table and tilted his head to the side. "What's happening?"
Farah pulled in her punching arm and sat back up. "Nothing of importance."
Dirk chuckled. "Why, I find that hard to believe. 'Nothing of Importance' doesn't usually constitute staring into the window like that."
"Trust me, Dirk, you don't need to know." Farah sighed. "How was the investigation?"
"It certainly was… an investigation." Dirk replied, his eyes twitching. "Again, you seem sad, what's troubling you?"
Farah's gaze narrowed. "You're dodging the question, Dirk."
"You're dodging mine. You can tell me anything, Farah, I promise I won't tell anyone." Dirk paused. "Intentionally."
Farah's gaze narrowed harder. "It Is Not Important. And you only dodge talking about the case when something bad happened. What happened?"
…
The two stared at each other for a moment, Dirk's smile faltering for a moment.
…
Dirk slid into the seat beside Farah. "Are you thinking about how Mona can shapeshift into different masses again?"
"What? No, I'm not thinking about that. I don't want another headache."
"Did your favorite TV show get canceled before everything was resolved, and you're saddened about its loss?"
"No, I don't watch that much TV."
"Are you possibly thinking of the best possible attack strategies just in case this cafe gets attacked by ninjas?"
"No, I don't think we can get attacked by ninjas twice in one year."
"Ooh, or have you gained a crush on someone, and are scared of asking them out?"
"No- uh, what?"
The two stared at each other again, Dirk's smile widening.
"I'm right?"
Farah stayed silent.
"I'm right! I knew it! I knew it!" Dirk jumped up and down like he was in a bouncy castle. "Man, I'm getting better at being a detective every day!" He jumped back down on his seat. "So, who's the lucky lad? Or lady? Or person of indeterminate gender?"
Farah sighed. "That's not important right now."
"It's Amanda, isn't it?"
Farah fell back into her chair in shock. "How did you know?"
Dirk's smile turned into a smirk as he shook himself in a show of smugness. "Ah, well, you'll never know what the universe would throw at you." He shrugged. "Also it's only her and the Rowdy 3 outside and I don't necessarily think violent vampire people are your type."
Farah sighed again. "Mother-." She whispered then took a deep breath. "Yes. I… like Amanda. And yes, I also don't know how to ask her out without screwing it up. I'm sorry Dirk, but I don't think you would be of much help there."
"Oh, come on, Farah, I could most definitely help!"
"How many romantic relationships have you been in?"
"A few, a couple, maybe not any…" Dirk said through gritted teeth, then sighed. "I've had sex before, a few times. Really don't get the appeal though, you would think it was a biological need the way some people talk about it." Farah gave Dirk a look that told him that she really didn't need to know anything more. "Ok, I'll stop there. But hey, I've matched people together before! I'm an amazing matchmaker!"
"And is matchmaking essential to the case right now? Or are you trying to distract yourself?"
Dirk's smile faltered once again. "...It might be. Ya'know, with the inherent connectedness of the universe and all." He sighed, dropping his smile, remembering that he had to be more honest with his feelings, and hating every minute of it. "But, yes. I'm distracting myself."
"Well, at least you're being honest." Farah gave a small smile, to give the message to Dirk that at least they has the solace of both of them being fucked up in their mind. Her face then straightened up. "But I need to know what happened. I can't help if I'm left in the dark."
Dirk sighed and drooped forward. "We found Franklin Luddyte."
"Ah, goo-"
"He's dead."
"Oh."
"Me and Todd… found what was left of him in the closet of that apartment." Dirk's eyes seemed to stare off right through Farah. "He had seemed to have died slowly from inhaling toxic gas, according to Kaylee's friend Mitchell there was a lot of it in the air recently, but his legs and right arm were gone, probably taken away by the robots. The back of his head and most of his torso was complete metal, the distinction between metal and flesh hard to tell in some places, and a mixture of blood and oil was leaking out of him." He grabbed his phone out of his left pocket. "I can show you pictures. It's kinda cool once you get over how horrifying it is." A small, uncertain giggle came out.
Farah stared at Dirk in shock. "Oh, oh god." She gulped down the air. "Thank you, Dirk, for that offer. I think I'll pass for now." She exhaled. "So this means that the robots have not only the ability to kill but the ability to transform the living flesh of large beings into metal. That's… concerning."
"Yeah, the universe really went for body horror in this case, didn't they?" Dirk laughed unconvincingly. "Guess you'll have to confess to Amanda before she gets turned into robot parts."
"Where's Todd and Kaylee?"
"Oh, don't worry he's… sorta fine. His pararibulitis did act up when he saw the body, again, which didn't help. But he's currently with Kaylee and her team searching on the interwebs for a lead." Dirk piped up. "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, we found a lead!" Dirk pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from his right pocket. On it was a crude drawing of a child with scruffy longish hair. Besides, that was some text, saying "Hey, it's "Robotsarecool69.". "There was an arrow extending from the username pointing at the drawing." Sorry for kinda killing this guy, but he was a prick. Meet me near the large tree near Circuit Park around 1430. I need your help.". The handwriting was weirdly neat, contrasting with the drawing.
Farah's eyes widened in surprise. "A meeting place? Then why didn't he just send us a message? We have his Steam account. At least we know now that it wasn't controlled by Luddyte." she mumbled. "Also, why is it in military time?" She looked up and saw Dirk staring at her. "Oh. Military time is-"
"When you count all 24 hours in a day instead of splitting them into two groups, I know. Blackwing used it when I was a child. Made for quite a shock when I went outside and every clock resetted to twelve for some reason." He stayed silent for a moment. "No, I was thinking about the new location. It's more specific than what we were given on the computer, why are they being so secretive? Ooh, maybe they're being followed by ninjas? Ninjas are very good at tracking you through video game companies."
Farah sighed. "Well, they also knew that we would investigate the apartment building, or they wouldn't leave a note."
"Perhaps they knew that the universe would lead us to said note?"
"It's possible."
"Should we get the R3 to follow us? This kid already killed someone, and hey, I've heard Circuit Park is lovely this time of year."
"I suppose some extra protection would be nice, as long as they don't destroy everyth-'' Farah stopped. "Wait. Are you planning to turn this case-important meeting into a way for me to ask Amanda out?"
Dirk stalled for a moment. "Well…" He spun his hands out into a half-shrug. "...Kinda." His hands drooped down to the table. "Wouldn't be a bad idea."
"Please don't turn this investigation into a date."
"I'm not." Dirk put his hands back up. "This meeting with "robotsarecool69" within itself will be totally devoted to the case at hand and devoid of any and all pretension to romance. I just think that, maybe, after it's all good and done, if we aren't whisked away by the child to another planet, maybe you could ask Amanda out or whatever."
"That's not happening."
"Eh, your funeral." Dirk shrugged.
Just then Todd and Kaylee came in through the door, holding a massive plane of metal. Kaylee smiled at the two. "Hey guys! What-are-ya talking about?" Todd semi-waved with his left hand.
"Oh! The case and how to ask Amanda out on a da-" Dirk's mouth was quickly covered by a pair of expertly placed fingers.
"Really? In front of her brother?" Farah muttered. She then looked up at Todd and Kaylee. "Hey, there. Me and Dirk were just discussing the lead we just gained on "robotsarecool69". Farah took a deep breath, that username way too stupid to be dropped in serious conversation. "What's with the plane of metal?
"We took it from the crime scene." Todd shrugged as best as he could. "Kaylee wanted to check if the metal has any 'anomalous effects'. I don't know why she can't put it in her lab right away, but hey, she's the scientist."
"I can't go to the lab right now, there's not enough equipment there to investigate all the specimens fully, and I don't have anywhere to store it." Kaylee dropped the metal sheet down on a wall. "I'll keep this specimen here for now. It would be preferable to test them straight from the crime scene but hey, beggars can't be choosers."
Todd walked to the cafe table at which Farah and Dirk were sitting. "Sooooo, can I join you guys?"
"Sure"
"Why not?"
The ex-drummer sat down next to Dirk and slumped over the table. Kaylee led some of her team of scientists down into the cafe, each holding sizable amounts of metal. Todd looked at the parade of lab-coat-clad science-doers, then back at Farah. "So uh, what do you want with my sister?"
Farah said nothing. She instead stared past Todd, with a very forced smile on her face, one eye flickering."
The three sat in silence, Todd and Dirk just looking at the weapons operative. "My god, Farah, are you ok?"
Farah said nothing.
"Oh shit. I think I broke her." Todd replied, worried.
A few moments later, Farah lapsed back into regular-ish thought with a deep exhale. "How- how did you know?"
"About what? Dirk just mentioned something about you wanting something with my sis-oh. Oh god."
"She wants to date her." said Dirk.
"Yeah, I just got that." Todd sighed. "I don't know what to think of it. You're great, but also kinda my ex and she's my sister. That's two breaches of the bro code with one swoop."
"I don't think it says that exactly-"
"Dirk, what's the first law of the bro code?"
"Energy cannot be made or destroyed-"
"That's the laws of thermodynamics, Dirk."
"Easy to mix up."
Todd took a deep breath and tented his fingers. "You know what? Fuck it, I don't care. I'm not going to dictate my sister's bullshit, I trust you, and honestly she's better for you than I was." He leaned into the table. "So like, do ya have a game plan? Or anything?"
"Shouldn't we be thinking about the case?" Farah said, a smile still badly plastered on her face.
"I just spent 30 minutes hauling sheets of metal around with a very single-minded scientist after seeing a dead body that has been half-alchemised into metal. I don't think the Universe would care if we slacked off to sort out your love life for 5 minutes. It'll just somehow play into it's own hands like it always fucking does." Todd sighed.
Farah finally let her facial muscles go with a sigh. "No. I have no idea how to ask Amanda out. All my romantic encounters have left me with one clear fact, and it is that romance… is something that I quite simply cannot get a hold on."
"You and I both, pal." Todd shrugged. "But maybe if we three joined together - unless Dirk has an amazing love life that they're keeping from us."
"I'm not."
"-Expected that, but if we joined together, maybe we can get at least one of us a partner." Todd went up and grabbed three glasses off the counter, the cafe hasn't been open in years, and filled them with water from a cooler that Kaylee put down recently. "Wanna drink to that?"
Farah grabbed one cup. "Sure."
Dirk grabbed another. "Hell yeah".
"Then it's finalized. By sometime in the next few weeks, you'll either be happily with Amanda, or very respectfully dumped by Amanda." He moved the cup towards the others. "Cheers?"
"Cheers."
