JENNIE

"She what?" Nayeon asked, her voice tempered with confusion.

"She showed up at the school, Nayeon, waltzed right in like she owned the damn place."

"What do you mean she showed up at the school? Why the hell would she do that?"

"I don't know, you tell me, you hired the guy." Pouring the box of mac and cheese into the bubbling water, I tilted my head into my shoulder to hold the phone against my ear. "Did you guys even do any checks on her? I mean she literally lied through her teeth to my boss to get in, then watched me like a predator stalks their prey. You know she could've gotten my ass fired—she could still get my ass fired."

Her breathing hit the receiver as she let out an annoyed grunt. "Of course we checked on the guy, Jen, and the woman has an incredible portfolio. She was featured in Entrepreneur magazine on two different occasions, has a running list of highly respected women who rave about their success through her and finding love. Shit, Jen, even Sylvia Dunkin was a client of her."

Sylvia was a local news anchor, who's running list of men included four actors, and a bigwig lawyer from downtown.

Nayeon went on, "I'm sure she knows what she's doing, she wouldn't have credentials like that if she didn't." Her voice broke off, yelling into the distance. "I swear if you touch him one more time—don't you roll your eyes at me! That's it, go to your room! I said go!"

"Everything alright?" I asked, stirring the pasta, as Ella danced around my ankles singing the Kraft jingle. But no matter how many times I heard the same, "I got the blues," line, it never got old.

I guessed that might change as she got older. From the screech in Nayeon's voice, a child nearing the age of seven, had completely different views on what was annoying. Glancing over my shoulder, Ella looked up and smiled, continuing her tune.

Maybe boys are just different.

"Yeah, we're good. Look, Jen, just give Lisa a chance. I'm sure there's some rhyme to her reason. Don't knock her out yet."

"Yeah, maybe," I said, skirting around my tiny ballerina, and grabbing the milk from the fridge.

"So when are you supposed to see her again?"

"Hell if I know, she said she'd be in touch."

"Someone who leaves you dangling on the edge of your seat—I like that."

"Well, I don't. I hate not knowing what to expect. What's she going to do next? Show up while I'm grocery shopping?"

Ella paused her solo, snapping her head up at me. "Mommy, are we going to the store?"

"No Honey, not today. Go get washed up for dinner." Plating our easy meal, I leaned against the sink. "Nayeon, can I ask you something?" My eyes scanned the hall, making sure Ella was out of hearing distance.

"Anything."

"Why does this feel wrong? I mean, I know my husband has been gone for years, but the thought of looking for someone else makes me sick. I can't shake it, and believe me, I've tried."

"Jennie, it's not wrong. You're just not ready to let go, but when it happens, and if you do meet someone, that feeling will go away. Trust me, you'll know."

Ella's tiny feet stomped their way back down the hall, her hands held out in front of her face, twisting them to show me she washed up. Smiling at my daughter, I nodded for her to sit at the table. "Thanks, Nayeon."

"Love you girl, now if you'll excuse me, I have some troubled youth to knock down a peg." A soft giggle played into my ear as the sounds of fighting kids in the background crashed through speaker.

"Well, good luck with that."

"Don't wish me luck, they're the ones who need it. Call me after you talk to Lisa again, I'm so fucking curious what this guy has up her sleeve."

"You and I both." Clicking the phone off, I grabbed the plates and placed them on the table.

It was weird, I had started my family with two, Taehyung and myself. Dreaming of the day I'd serve the entire family, and the moment when we would all be huddled at the table, sharing the day's stories. And for some reason, this still held that same familiarity.

Only now, Taehyung's spirit was embedded in the young face of our daughter.

He had never fully left, there would always be a piece of him here forever. And that was beginning to be enough for me.

I'll always have my husband and the memories, but I don't have my life.

I have to change.

It's time for me to move on.