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In Time of Trial
Chapter 2
It took three days before Luc woke. If Sam had any doubts about those two men being a perfect fit for each other, witnessing Luc breaking through the sedation hours before he should have - in a very similar fashion the man sitting by his side had done during one or another of his own hospitalizations - would have waved those away. No wonder those two just clicked. It was a small comfort.
Sam watched over his best friend and G's partner from his position in the room, just as he had done for the last few days. Those days had been hard on his partner, worry and misplaced guilt-trips wearing on him. He was pale and Sam had his hands full with taking care of the man without igniting his fuse. Still, Sam was making some headway in getting it through G's thick skull that the guilt was unwarranted. Even so, he suspected that was something his partner would have to make peace with by himself - possibly with the help of the man in the hospital bed.
A subtle movement caught his eye and his focus sharpened on the injured man in the hospital bed. It was small, but there was another tiny movement a few minutes later. Sam pushed away from the wall where he leaned and calmly stepped over to his partner, putting a hand on his shoulder. Callen looked up somewhat blearily, blinking out of the stupor he had fallen into. Sam tilted his chin towards Luc, deliberately forcing himself to remain relaxed, "talk to him. He's coming to."
Callen's head whipped back to Luc as he stood from his chair, trying to see what Sam had seen when Luc seemingly lay as still as before. When G turned back to Sam with questioning eyes, he nodded firmly, "trust me. I'll get the doc." He had sat beside his partner several times while Callen made his way back from the dead and the signs had been similar to what he had seen right now. The only question now was: would Luc be as quick about it as Callen?
When he returned to the room with the doctor on duty, he got his answer, and it was a very definitive 'yes'.
Callen was standing over Luc who was trashing weakly on the bed. There was a hint of panic in G's tone and Sam instantly went over to his partner while the doctor stepped up on the other side. Sam put a hand on G's shoulder, feeling him relax minutely while he continued talking to Luc, his voice calming which in turn seemed to register with Luc.
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The hours had been long, and they just didn't seem to get any shorter. Luc's condition had continued improving over the last days and the doctors were lightening the sedation. He would remain connected to the ventilator until his lungs recovered sufficiently to allow him to breathe on his own, but they wanted to wake him up before that. Something about keeping the duration of having him heavily medicated and sedated as short as possible so the body could focus further on patching itself up.
Callen himself had been on a ventilator before and he didn't really want to consider the feeling of being hooked up to it while conscious, but the medical personnel had reassured him that it wasn't so bad.
When Sam told him that Luc was waking up, he at first didn't see any difference in his partner. Still, he trusted Sam and did as his best friend had suggested, quietly talking to his lover. Sam was barely out of the room to get a doctor, when he too saw the signs, a few sluggish movements. Callen gripped Luc's hand, interlacing their fingers while he quietly called his partner's name. Just a few moments later, Luc's movements grew more restless, his throat working and his head moving to get away from the tube in his mouth. His eyes were flickering beneath the closed lids. Callen subconsciously remembered the feeling of having a tube down his throat, unable to breathe on his own. He didn't remember having tried to draw the tube out on his own, but Sam was adamant that it happened. He reached for Luc's head, carefully stilling his movements and firmly calling his name. "Calm down, Luc. I know it's uncomfortable, just relax and don't fight it," he murmured.
When Sam was finally back with a doctor, Luc was as close to trashing around as he could be, given his still heavily medicated state. Callen didn't think he was getting through to the younger man at all.
Usually, he was the one in that bed. He knew how it felt to be in that position - trying to wake up and wading through the quicksand that was a deep sedation; he didn't have any experience what to do with the other end of the stick and he absolutely hated that Luc wasn't reacting to him.
When Sam stepped up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder, Callen instantly felt himself calming down. His best friend had been a source of strength during the last few days and with as many years as they had been working together, they knew each other inside and out and trust was implicit. Just Sam's presence was enough to calm him down and he took a deep breath, deliberately slowing himself down.
Renewing his efforts, he leaned closer to Luc, his voice quiet but firm, "listen to me, Luc. You need to calm down. You're in hospital. You're safe. I'm here. I've got your back, soldier." Finally, Luc's movements slowed.
The doctor on the opposite side of the bed nodded approvingly, checking Luc's vitals. "Keep it up. I would prefer not to put him back under."
Callen did as the doctor asked, murmuring quiet words of encouragement and trying to draw Luc's focus to him, watching his eyelids starting to flicker. Eventually they opened, revealing a sliver of brown, washed out and exhausted, but somewhat conscious.
Callen smiled slightly, taking it as a good sign while he continued talking. It took a while longer before Luc seemed to try and really focus on him, his eyes still glazed but slowly sharpening. "That's it, soldier," he whispered when Luc's gaze finally seemed to steady on him. He saw recognition flitter through his partner's eyes, before he tried working his mouth and his focus was drawn back to the tube. Callen laid a hand against his cheek, turning his head ever so slightly to regain Luc's attention as he tensed up again. "I know it's uncomfortable, Luc. Best you can do is relax and try not to work against it. Your lungs still need some time to heal."
The doctor shifted on the other side of the bed, nodding to the nurse that had entered the room behind them but had stayed in the background. Callen knew what they were going to say, knew it and hated it. He would be asked to leave so they could do whatever tests they required. He glanced up at the doctor who just then uttered the words he had expected. He gave the man a small nod before returning his focus to Luc. "Doc's going to check on you. I need to step outside, but I'll be back in a second," he murmured, leaning down and briefly resting his forehead against Luc's. The fingers still interwoven with his tightened briefly, making him smile. "I've got your back, soldier. I'll be right outside." It was difficult to straighten his posture and then disentangle his fingers from Luc's before stepping away from his lover and leaving the room to give the doctors time to check him. Sam's hand on his back helped propel him outside when his feet wanted to remain planted to the floor by the bed.
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When they were allowed to return inside, Luc was fighting to stay awake, his body visibly exhausted, but his mind obviously determined not to succumb to sleep yet.
Callen returned to his lover's side and slipped his hand into Luc's. Their fingers instantly intertwined. "I thought you'd be asleep again," he murmured, watching the eyelids flutter over pale and exhausted eyes. Reaching up with his free hand, Callen allowed his fingertips to move across Luc's forehead, smiling sadly when Luc's eyes fell closed and he turned his head minutely into the touch. "Sleep Luc, I'll be here when you wake up."
Luc blinked his eyes open once more, gazing at him through half-lidded eyes. He held his lover's eyes, understanding that he needed the reassurance. "I promise I'll be here," he added softly, relaxing slowly when Luc allowed his eyes to close. This time they stayed closed.
Callen looked up when Sam shifted away from the door, stepping closer. "I'll get us something for lunch. Anything in particular that you want?"
He shook his head. Food was still far from his mind, had been for days. He knew that Sam was looking out for him, making sure he ate and slept.
Sam gave him a small smile of understanding. "Remember what the doc said. It's looking good now. He's more than holding his own," Sam reminded him, giving his shoulder a squeeze before he backed away.
Callen knew he hadn't been the easiest to deal with the last few days, knew he had alternately snapped at Sam or withdrawn from him. "Hey Sam?" he called his partner, waiting for him to turn back. When he did, he met Sam's eyes squarely. "Thanks."
Sam gave him a short nod of acknowledgement, his features relaxed and easy, but he didn't say anything before he left the room. No more words were needed. They both knew the position they held in each other's lives.
Callen sighed softly before turning back to his lover, slowly leaning back in his chair without letting go of Luc's hand.
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The sandwich he had brought for lunch still lay untouched. When Sam had returned two hours ago, his partner had been asleep in the chair, his fingers still linked with Luc's. The fact that Callen had slept through not only Sam's arrival but also the coming and going of several nurses let Sam know just how exhausted his partner was.
Callen didn't sleep. He catnapped. He stole moments of rest here and there. He didn't get several hours of uninterrupted sleep in one go, especially not in a hospital with lots of people moving about. Worry and stress had exhausted him though. And the relief of Luc waking up had relaxed him enough to succumb to his body's demands for rest.
Sam glanced at the injured SEAL on the bed when he noticed a small movement. He slowly stepped closer to the bed, opposite to where Callen rested.
When Luc's eyes fluttered open, Sam waited, not sure if they needed to fend off another panic attack or not. He saw the small jolt running through Luc when he noticed the tube, the ventilator pushing air into his lungs without his say-so. Luc squeezed his eyes shut as he obviously fought with himself, holding himself still. Deciding to try and either distract Luc or try to calm him down, Sam stepped closer. Despite the medication dulling his senses, the rustle of movement was enough to make Luc's eyes spring open - an elite soldier used to being ready to defend himself. Sam held up his hands in the universal gesture of meaning no harm. "Hey Luc, it's just me. Relax," Sam told the other man softly.
Luc's eyes were still glazed from the medication running through him when they landed on Sam, but they were clear with recognition.
"G's on your other side," Sam nodded to where Callen was seated, watching Luc's eyes follow his direction and take in Callen's sleeping form. Some of the tension seeped out of his shoulders, indication of how much Luc trusted the other man. "You want me to wake him?" Sam asked softly. Luc turned his head back, a soft indistinct sound forming around the tube in his throat. "Yeah, tube's still there. Your lungs need more time to recover. For the moment it's either hand signals or blinking your eyes. One of the nurses said earlier they would bring in a board so you can communicate by writing, but they haven't gotten around to it. They probably didn't expect you to wake up just yet," Sam explained slowly, waiting for the words to sink in. The slight grimace, half annoyance and half frustration made him smile ever so slightly. Luc may have more patience than G, but he could still see the younger man's frustration.
Despite still being heavily medicated, Luc seemed mostly clear-headed, slowly shaking off the vestiges of sleep and the remaining sedatives that were still in his blood stream. There was a somewhat confused air around him though and Sam was pretty certain that he was currently evaluating his surroundings and trying to understand why he was in hospital. The doctors would have explained to him what had been done after he first woke up, but Sam knew that being as heavily sedated as Luc had been, most of the explanation would have gone over his head. He internally sighed and debated on whether or not to wake G after all.
"Basics first," he told Luc when his attention returned to Sam, questions in his eyes he couldn't voice, "it's Tuesday, 2nd, shortly after three in the afternoon. You're in Landstuhl, Germany." Sam watched as the information sank in, knowing that it would give Luc a reference point to orient himself, something he was pretty sure the other man would want.
The door behind him opened and a nurse came inside, intent on checking Luc's stats. Sam glanced up at her. "Could you bring us a board and marker?" he asked her, watching as her eyes slid over to Luc to determine he was awake.
She gave both men a smile and a nod, retreating from the room with a comment that she would be back in a few moments.
Sam turned back to Luc whose eyes were firmly on him, waiting for him to continue. "You've had several surgeries, both here and in the combat support hospital in the Middle East. You've been here for five days now. They kept you heavily medicated."
Luc gave a small nod, showing that he understood. Before Sam could say anything more, the nurse was back, handing him the requested board and marker. She then proceeded to check Luc over, talking to him in soft tones about what she was doing. Luc's eyes followed her around, watching while she did her job. Sam let him look, not trying to distract him when he was certain that Luc needed to observe what was happening right now. Egoistically, he was also glad that this postponed the more serious nature of what he would probably have to tell the younger SEAL. Sam was man enough to admit to himself that he was glad for the interruption, glad that he didn't have to go into the darker details of why Luc was here just yet.
While Sam's voice hadn't disturbed G, the prolonged talking of the nurse obviously made it past his exhausted guardrails and Sam glanced over when his partner stirred. A reflexive tightening of Callen's fingers around Luc's hand was enough to draw Luc's focus away from the nurse and over to G. Sam saw the slight smile that tugged at the corner of Luc's lips as he watched Callen wake up. Despite the graveness of the situation and the exhaustion and confusion in Luc's eyes, Sam felt like he was intruding on a private moment. He didn't look away though, instead turned his focus to G.
They both watched as G sat up with a low moan, stretching the kinks out of his neck before focusing on Luc. His face lit up with a smile when he found the eyes of his lover staring back at him.
"Hey there," G murmured, reaching up and gently cradling Luc's cheek.
Luc's fingers tightened around G's for a moment before he slowly tugged them free. Sam watched him make a gesture with his fingers, watched as G followed the move with a frown. Having been previously asleep during Sam's one-sided conversation with Luc, Sam could understand G being confused. He smiled and held up the board and marker the nurse had given him earlier. "I think he's after this," he told his friend. When G looked to Luc for confirmation, the other man gave a slow nod.
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When Sam handed him the board and marker, G forwarded the marker to Luc. He kept the board though, seeing the effort it took his lover to hold up the marker. Holding the board so Luc could reach it easily, they both watched as the prone man wrote shakily. When he let his hand fall back to the bed, Callen turned the board around, reading the single word that Luc had written down. He showed it to Sam only a moment later. The letters were shaky but legible: Team?
To Sam - as a former SEAL himself - it probably didn't come as a surprise. A SEAL was trained to be the ultimate team player while still bringing extensive individual skills and a healthy dose of alpha hormones into the mix. And to Callen, it wasn't a surprise because he knew his lover, knew that he valued his team highly. Having been with his team as long as Luc had, it was a no-brainer to ask about them when waking up in a hospital after being in a warzone. He knew the bonds within the team were strong. Bonds like that were forged in fire and tempered in combat. The silent vows between the team members were in some regards stronger than those made at an altar because the men were not only pledging their hearts. Instead, they were pledging their very lives to each other.
G sighed and focused on Luc. "You've been ambushed during patrol," he started softly, watching Luc for signs of acknowledgement or remembrance. Luc nodded, picking up the marker again. This time, it seemed to be less of a struggle to write, the message short, but to the point 'I know'.
Callen glanced at the message and nodded, "an IED exploded close to you."
Luc's eyes tightened in something close to frustration and he pointed to the previously written 'I know', before tipping the marker against the word he had written first, wanting to know about his team. It seemed like he remembered a lot of what had happened, not always a given when a traumatic incident happened that took you out of commission… and that wasn't even taking into account the head injury that Luc had also suffered, even if the small bleeding had stopped and cleared already.
"Martinez, CJ and Don didn't make it," G told his lover softly, knowing the news would impact heavily with him, watching as his eyes clouded before he closed them, hiding the emotional pain that had entered his expression. Callen reached up and drew a gentle hand through Luc's hair, hoping to offer some comfort. Callen wasn't usually one for public displays of affection, but the last few days, he'd found himself reaching for Luc more often than not, trying to connect with him in any way possible. His touch now also seemed to bring a measure of comfort to his lover.
It took a few minutes before Luc opened his eyes once more, back in control and more questions evident in his gaze. He picked up the marker again and Callen held the board for him. This time it was two words. Two names. 'Duke. Alex'?
"Duke was here for a few days. He's been shipped home yesterday for recovery. Broken collarbone, dislocated shoulder and some broken ribs from the impact with a wall," Callen told the other man. "Alex was treated in the local combat hospital. A bump to the head, a mild concussion, nothing serious. A few days of rest and recovery before he'll be back on his feet." The mission report that Hetty had managed to acquire had given them a clearer view about what had happened. The reports from the rest of the team included a schema of who had been where when hell broke loose. Also the wonder twins had acquired footage of the body cams. Callen hadn't watched, but Sam had given him the run-down of it. Luc had asked after the other two persons who had been closest to him. Both men had been behind Luc when the IED had been set off and had suffered milder injuries compared to their comrades closer to the IED.
Still, the fact that he specifically asked after those two let Callen know that his lover indeed remembered the incident clearly.
Luc nodded slowly, showing his understanding. His fingers trembled around the marker, and he half raised his hand before letting it fall back to the bed. There were deep lines of fatigue in his face. Luc looked to be at the end of his rope right now and Callen gently pried the marker out of his lover's hand. He was met with little resistance. "Sleep, Luc," he murmured, putting marker and board away while Luc's eyelids fluttered. He didn't think Luc needed to hear anything more, didn't think he could endure much more right now. The loss of his teammates weighed on him already and the news of his own life-altering injuries would also impact on him. Even though… given how much Luc remembered from what had happened, and given how self-aware his lover usually was, Callen wouldn't be completely surprised if Luc already knew.
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Luc had already known. Still, having been there when the doctors explained his injuries and what he had lost and later having been around when the nurses changed bandages and Luc came face to face with the empty space where his lower leg used to be, Callen had watched his partner closely. He knew Luc, and while he had a good enough poker face to fool most, Callen knew the tells. And there were a lot of them. Luc was trying to put up a front, but the impact had been clearly visible to Callen anyway.
Callen had wordlessly asked Sam to leave for the change of bandages, had guessed that Luc wouldn't want anyone else present. Even his presence might be stretching his lover's comfort zone.
Their relationship was strong, built on solid foundations after more than three years of knowing each other, but this was new territory for both of them. This was something they both would have to come to terms with - both individually and together.
He had remained in the background until the doctor and nurse left, only slowly venturing back to the bedside. Luc's gaze slowly slid over to him, revealing uncertainty, fear and pain. There wasn't a whole lot that Callen could say or do to take the pain away, but he could try to alleviate the other two. Taking Luc's hand into both of his, he guided Luc's fingers against his cheek, turning his head briefly to brush a kiss against his lover's palm.
Silent tears were sliding down Luc's cheeks. Callen didn't brush them away, didn't try to console the man with words. Neither of them were men of many words, instead usually letting their actions speak for them. It didn't feel right to try and speak in that moment, instead Callen needed to simply be there to let his partner mourn what he had lost.
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