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Xxxxxxx

In Time of Trial

Epilogue

It wasn't long before Luc was discharged, and his physical therapy could be continued as an out-patient. He had agreed to move in with Callen for the duration.

If either of them had hoped that things would get easier in the privacy of Callen's place, they were mistaken.

Fights intermingled with quiet and heartfelt moments. They warbled back and forth between comforting closeness and unbridgeable distance. It was emotionally taxing, and Callen drew a lot of strength from his team. He knew they cut him some slack when he wasn't always on his best behavior at work. He was more grateful than ever for having them as a security net to fall back on. Even if he would deny it to his dying breath, right now he was in need of their presence and strength.

Interestingly it was Kensi who Luc reacted best to while Callen drew a lot of strength from Deeks. Sam was there, always a pillar of stoic strength and comfort, but it was Kensi and Deeks who had a semblance of firsthand knowledge of what Callen and Luc were facing. They had pulled through back then and Callen tried to hold onto that knowledge even though in his heart there was a persistent niggle of doubt that the same would hold true for them. It was in the way they drifted apart, trying to mend what broke but seemingly loosing common ground that made him doubt the outcome.

Even though Kensi's injury had been different, and she had recovered fully from it, Luc still seemed to value her council.

Deeks, too, gave Callen some good pointers and shared some of his own experiences with Kensi's injury and her behavior. It didn't make it better as such, but it helped anyhow - at least it helped him in understanding, even though it didn't bridge the gulf that seemed to forever widen between them.

Callen leaned against the doorframe and watched his lover sleep. He watched the way Luc lay at the very edge of the mattress, seemingly as far away from any physical contact as possible in case Callen joined him in bed. Before, they had often lain entwined with each other. Often, Callen had woken, finding himself smothered by the weight of his lover half on top of him or spooning against him in some way or another, their closeness sometimes actually managing to keep him in bed even if he couldn't sleep due to his insomnia.

Now, Luc rarely invited physical contact anymore. His lover had always been the one more prone to reaching out, but right now, he didn't, instead withdrawing and also mostly not really tolerating it if Callen made contact. He subtly - or not so subtly - pulled away.

Callen accepted the limitations, but he did miss the contact. For someone who had marched through most of his life alone, undisturbed by the fetters of social connections, he found himself missing his lover's presence dearly. It wasn't the sexual aspect but rather the emotional connection they had often shared - by physical touch or even only just with a glance or by sharing the same space.

Sometimes, those moments were still there, but they were always fleeting, a foggy sort of presence that he couldn't grasp before it was wisped away and replaced by distance and silences.

He knew that in a way they were both fighting to hold on to each other, but it felt as if they were failing, their grasps getting more and more slippery with each second, with each word they uttered or held back.

He wasn't sure how long they would be able to keep holding on and he feared what would happen when they slipped.

Xxxxxxx

"Since when have you taken over dictating my life?" Luc yelled, his words bitter and furious.

Callen blinked, "what?" he asked dumbly, confusion making him stop short.

"I don't want to be in your dept, and I won't be able to pay you back, so stop making suggestions like that. It won't work," Luc snarled.

Callen raised his hands in honest confusion, not seeing Luc's point. "Why not?"

If possible, Luc's features darkened further, and fury blazed in his eyes. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm a cripple," he spat.

It wasn't the other man's verbal attack on him that made Callen react. Instead, it was actually the way Luc chose to degrade his own value. "Are you serious right now?" Callen exploded, fury crashing through him, blazing hot and wild in a way he hadn't experienced in a long while - if ever. "You've lost a leg, Luc. They didn't take out your brain along with it!"

"Of course, you know better," Luc shouted back, "you always know better, don't you?" His voice lowered, suddenly dripping with acid, "G Callen, super-agent, revered by all, can-do-no-wrong master spy."

Callen recoiled, less from the words and more from the tone of voice, understanding with sudden clarity that this was their breaking point. If things continued now, he doubted there would be any coming back from it. "Stop," he murmured tonelessly, stepping back and with that physical move trying to diffuse the situation, "that's enough."

"See?" Luc crowed darkly, "you're doing it again. Deciding what's best and that you know better."

Callen shook his head and tried to deescalate again, "stop it, Luc, before you say something we can't come back from," he asked quietly.

Instead of slowing down though, Luc plowed on, "like what? That I don't want this anymore? That we're done?" he snarled viciously, "well, yeah, maybe that's exactly what I need to say."

Silence fell around the room, a vacuum sucking up all sound. The words reverberated between them before falling like ashes to the floor, pushing them apart and flooding the space between them.

Minutes later, the door closed behind Luc, a quiet snick the only sound signifying the deafening earthquake that had buried whatever part of their relationship they had managed to hold onto until now under an insurmountable pile of rubble.

Note: I know this is not the ending anyone would want (including myself) and I'm sorry for leaving you unhappy. Know though that this 'verse is not yet finished, and I will strive to reconcile those two men. For this part of the 'verse though, with the way those characters are, I felt I couldn't end it in a fairytale. Luc has been injured in a way he can't comprehend or deal with for the moment and Callen isn't able to help and drag him back. Those two need some time apart before I can put their paths on a parallel course again.

That parallel path was meant to be put into one last, final story that would finish this 'verse (yeah, I can hear some of your 'no, please, don't stop' begging). The part was finished, had been for a while, but I was never really happy with that last piece, even though I didn't really know why. It was only when I re-read the story that I finally noticed what was wrong with it: the pace wasn't right within the story. The first few chapters only spanned over a short period of time before suddenly large gaps of time would appear, spanning much wider timeframes. It simply didn't work *sighs*

Long story short: it means I'll have to do some rewriting and reconfiguring. And it also means the Taggert 'verse will grow more parts (I can hear your gleeful 'yes, please'-clapping from here, you greedy people *laughs*). That being said, I'm not perfectly sure how many more parts we will end up with and how quickly I manage to do the whole rewriting, but I hope you'll stick with me for that. Until then… thanks for embarking on this ride with me.