The wind was whistling. Branches were knocking against her window, like they were asking to enter Nancy's room. Shadows were haunting every corner of the room. Memories of Vecna hid in the closet. Memories of a hand in hers hid in her sobbing breath.
It was still dark. Tears decorated Nancy's cheeks. Her nose was dripping from mucus. Her hair was fuzzy. She looked like a mess. She was one. How could she not be one when she was succumbing to sin ?
She was almost choking on food, her throat dry from all the silent insults she had screamed at her reflection last night. Her mother looked at her, worried while her father openly voiced his disgust for people like Nancy. For an instant, a tiny moment, the girl wished Vecna had ripped open her chest because then, it would not be beating so hard for another woman. It would not cause her excruciating pain.
Kissing Jonathan felt so wrong, but she saw the look on Joyce's face and she knew she could not back up. Some nights, she would hear him murmuring her name. Those nights, she would dream of another voice saying her name. When she would wake up, Nancy felt like God was mocking her, taking pleasure in seeing her hurting so bad.
They had sex. Nancy swallowed her sobs. She wanted to run far away, somewhere where pain was not the only thing letting her know that she was alive. She could not. Of course, she could not. It would have been way too easy.
Seeing Robin was the straw that broke the camel's back. She was tired. She was angry. She was distressed. She just wanted to let it go.
And letting go, she did. Shadows were doing a play on Nancy's angular features. Her fingers were dancing on the vodka bottle. Her mind was spiraling in the abyss. For once since she touched Robin's hand, she felt at ease.
When this hand she dreamt of and dreaded of came in her view, she wanted to cry at the cruel irony. It would have been too easy to let her have a moment of peace. Afterall, Ted would have said people like her deserved to burn in hell.
Maybe because she was drunk, she shared her bottle. Maybe because she was a dreamer in her core, Nancy accepted Robin's hand in hers.
They exchanged stories. The world seemed to stop for this one night. Laughs were heard by the moon. In the drunken darkness, they forgot they were sinners.
The next time Jonathan kissed her, Nancy remembered a drunken kiss shared between two outlawers.
While the two girls fooled in the backroom of the video store, their minds were clouded with utopias.
Dreams who were thrown out of the window. Nancy's mind broke. Nobody seemed to notice it, the Wheeler family's attention on Ted shouting blasphemies. Holly was clapping. Karen was screaming. Nancy did not care. The beaten body of an homosexual guy was haunting her. It could have been Robin. It could have been her.
The other girl was frantic. Tears were pearling. Nancy was feeling helpless. What was she supposed to say to comfort Robin ? There was nothing, if it was not the harsh truth. They were monsters, damned to die at the hand of hatred.
Their anxiety was lost in sweat and sin.
However, when the bed was cold next to her, Nancy felt the anxiety ridden with guilt grow in her guts. Sometimes, blood dripped from her nose. Those nights were the worst. She knew that someday, a stranger would have his hands stained with her blood. There was no happy ending.
One night, as the red liquid slowly splashed on her bedsheets, Nancy closed her eyes. She never wanted to open them, ever. The girl knew she would have too when tears streamed down Robin's cheeks.
Nancy fought the despair in her ex-girlfriend eyes with all her might. She was doing this for both of them, to keep them safe from these vicious hands. Yet when Robin started to stutter because of the sobs, Nancy had to hang on this mantra like her life was in the line. She let go when Robin called her a coward. She could hide behind every excuse she wanted, the other girl had spoken the truth: Nancy was terrified to her core.
—
Tiredness had dug in Nancy's face as had the time. Her brown hair started collecting gray hair. Purple circles ate her cheeks. Darkness was slowly embracing her. Anxiety filled her whole body. Her cup of coffee shook in her hand stained with invisible blood. She wished God would have ended her misery years ago, but it would still be a too happy ending for a sinner like her.
One day, it ended. It ended after Nancy saw a video on the news of a girl beaten to death smiling forever. It ended after Nancy realized that she lost everything.
***Hey ! I will do the correcting tomorrow, I am tired. It has been a while since I have written in english, but I hope it was okay. Anyway, thank you for reading !***
