"I'm Dreaming of a Quiet Christmas."
by Carycomic
Synopsis: Animal Man has to save Xmas!
Disclaimer: I don't own/profit from any of the recognizable characters.
HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT,
EARTH-7642 (DEC. 12, 1990)
The three of them had disembarked at Bradley International Airport (formerly Bradley Field), where, after claiming their luggage, they boarded a specially chartered Peter Pan bus.
"Well, kids?" exclaimed Bernhard "Buddy" Baker with undisguised glee. "This is it! We're on our way to Torrington!"
"Are we really gonna see Santa Claus, Daddy?" asked his five-year-old daughter, Maxine, in a (not-quite inaudible) whisper.
"That's right, sweetheart. Opening Day ceremonies at Christmas Village start at twelve noon. And the bus ride takes forty-five minutes, at least. So, if you two are feeling sleepy from the overnight flight, you better take a quick nap, now."
"Oh, no!" replied Maxine. "I'm too excited to sleep. I don't think I'll ever go back to sleep, again!"
Her older brother Cliff groaned. "Swell! That means I'll be kept awake listening to her jabber. Why couldn't I come with Mom on the later flight?"
"Because she wants you and your sister to spend more quality time, together. What with the two of you hardly seeing each other at school and all!"
"And that's a bad thing, how, exactly?"
"Hey!" Maxine exclaimed. "You better be nicer to me. Or Santa will put coal in your stocking on Christmas Eve!"
"That might be a good thing, too," the eight-year-old retorted. "Then, Dad wouldn't complain about the price of heating oil always going up in the winter!"
"Enough with the sibling rivalry," ordered their father. "Close your eyes and get some sleep. The both of you!"
The semi-retired stunt man and his family had been invited by his uncle, William Raymond Baker (aka "Blast-off" Baker, former star of the 1950's TV show "Planet Police") to visit him in his hometown of Torrington, Connecticut, for the Holidays. And, as the elderly gentleman was now a widower, Buddy had not had the heart to say no. Especially as Uncle Bill would be playing Santa Claus, himself!
Buddy smiled as he closed his eyes and reminisced about the past Christmases the two of them had enjoyed together. Something that, in conjunction with the smooth ride of the bus, helped relax his tired mind to the point where he fell asleep before he even knew it!
That was why he was initially disoriented when he suddenly woke up.
"Mr. Baker? Buddy? Open your eyes, young man."
He did so. And the first thing he noticed, in looking around, is that he was no longer on the bus. Then, he looked for his children. But they were gone, too! Last, but not least? When he stood up and started shouting their names in alarm, he saw his reflection in a nearby mirror. A reflection that clearly showed him wearing his Animal Man outfit!
"What the...?" he started to mutter aloud.
"Your children are alright, Buddy," said the voice that had awakened him. "The three of you are technically still aboard that bus. Sound asleep! But I've brought your astral body here because I need your help."
Buddy, of course, had spun about at the start of that explanation. Yet, he had been so stunned by the figure he saw before him that he had involuntarily heard the man out before regaining the power of speech.
"Uncle Bill?!"
The white-bearded older man chuckled. "Ho-ho-ho! No, lad. I'm the real Santa. And, like I said, I need your help. That is; I need Animal Man's help. You see... my reindeer have been kidnapped!"
Buddy (still not quite believing that he was talking to the real Santa Claus) could not resist what he said next.
"Kidnapped, huh? I suppose they're asking for a lot of 'doe'."
"I'm serious, Animal Man! Observe the security playback."
Santa pointed to the mirror behind Buddy... which soon revealed itself to be a magic mirror. For his reflection was instantly replaced by a view of the sky over the Geographic North Pole! A view dominated by the image of eight reindeer galloping through the air in single file. Every one of them following something even more astounding. A winged green horse ridden by a man in almost matching green clothes!
Almost, that is, except for a large array of white dots all over his long-sleeved shirt. An attention-grabber even without the fact that he was also playing a golden recorder.
"Hey! I know that guy. That's Hartley Rathaway alias 'The Pied Piper.' One of the Flash's Rogues' Gallery from Central City!"
Santa Claus nodded. "Yes. And that verdant doppelganger of Pegasus is obviously Garfield Logan (aka Beast Boy of the former Teen Titans). And, as he's usually a good boy, I've no doubt that he was musically charmed into transporting the Piper up here."
All remaining doubt had been dispelled from Buddy's mind. "Okay, so you're the real Santa. And the Pied Piper's abducted your reindeer. My first question is... why?"
"Show him, Rudolph."
Buddy could not help jumping nervously as the famous, red-nosed reindeer seemed to appear out of nowhere, immediately landing before him. His teeth clenching a see-through plastic bag containing a hand-written note.
"That was left behind under Rudolph's chin after he was musically lulled to sleep in the livery stable. Folded up inside a Christmas card!"
Buddy read the note, which was very succinct.
"Give us the new game, in twenty-four hours, or we'll be eating eight helpings of venison, tomorrow night. The drop-off point is at these coordinates."
Buddy read the latitude and longitude aloud and Santa Claus nodded. "It figures. That's Saint Nicholas Peak in the Canadian Rockies. Nine thousand, six hundred thirty-nine feet tall! No way for conventional authorities to stake it out."
Buddy re-read the note. "What game is he referring to?"
"A new video game developed by my cyber-tech elves, Skippy, Tippy, and Elmer. Here's the prototype."
Santa Clause extended his right arm and Buddy went up to take the proffered case. When he had done so, he read the title aloud.
" 'JLA : GRODDZILLA, KING OF MONSTER ISLAND. Super-Gorilla Grodd takes over the body of Titanto and telepathically compels Earth's Mightiest Heroes to attack the Justice League.' "
Buddy looked up and confessed that he did not get it.
"Why would the Pied Piper want this? Granted, it might prove initially popular enough to garner a few hundred million dollars in Christmas purchases, next year. But, still. . ."
"I don't think the Piper wants it for himself," replied a new voice. "I think he was mind-controlled into demanding it!"
Buddy swerved to his right... and beheld a four-foot-tall figure dressed like Sherlock Holmes.
"Detective Chimp?!"
Santa Claus nodded. "I recruited him just before you. And he's formulated a most disturbing theory as to the real motive for this abduction."
"That being?"
Detective Chimp (nee Bobo) removed his imitation meerschaum pipe from his mouth. "Skippy, Tippy, and Elmer developed this game from spying on Grodd! It's a scheme he's been working on for the near-future. And they couldn't resist the temptation to turn it into a video game! Only trouble is, Grodd telepathically caught wind of their intentions. And, so, he wants the prototype turned over to him to keep the super-groups in question from being warned ahead of time."
"Where do I fit into this?" Animal Man now asked.
"Santa and I want you to make the drop."
Animal Man arched his eyebrows in surprise. "Normally, I'd pretend to be surprised and humbly accept such a privilege and honor. But, the ransom note clearly says 'twenty-four hours.' I can't leave my kids alone for that long!"
"Not to worry," replied Santa Claus. "There's a way we can get in touch much sooner than that. Simply repeat after me..."
Five minutes later, Animal Man turned back to the magic mirror and recited the following:
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Show me the mastermind behind this all."
To which another (and decidedly more female voice) responded with, "Well, well, well! I was beginning to think you'd never call."
Whereupon, Animal Man's reflection was replaced once again. Only, this time, by that of a woman with what appeared to be a fur coat dyed purple; an albinistic face; and a blonde beehive hair-do partially dyed red (so as to resemble a flickering flame).
"Whoa!" exclaimed Detective Chimp. "Even I didn't see this one coming."
"The Queen of Fables," muttered Santa Claus, darkly.
"You were expecting, perhaps, that Glaswegian gallowglass, the Mirror Master? I'll have you know I was communicating via magic mirrors before he was even born!"
"I've no time for bickering with you, Tsaritsa!" Santa shouted, "I'm trying to get my reindeer back."
"I know," she responded. "Who do you think _allowed_ the Pied Piper and Beast Boy to break through your protective mystical barrier?"
"Wait a minute," said Animal Man. "Are you saying this is _your_ doing? Not Grodd's?"
She simply smiled and nodded.
EARTH-TRN7481-A
(ONE YEAR EARLIER)
"You are most fortunate, Grodd. Had there not been a strange recent shift in the multiverse, I might never have sensed your presence. And you would still be a prisoner of this temporally looped pocket dimension!"
"But, to stick me in this whelp's body?!" the super simian retorted. "You must be mad!"
"Have you never heard the expression; 'Keep your friends close. But, your enemies closer?' While the Justice League is preoccupied with frontal assaults from your mind-controlled pawns, you can attack them from behind by exploiting this youth's friendship with the one called Nightwing. For Nightwing can get you close to the Batman who, in turn, can get you closer to everyone else."
Grodd thought it over a moment. "Heh-heh! Yes, I love that idea. It's so delightfully Machiavellian!"
Whereupon, Grodd used Beast Boy's zoomorphic power to transform into an emerald-green version of his own body. Laughing and beating his chest all the while!
"I don't get it," replied Animal Man. "Why betray him, now?"
"Let's just say I'm getting bored with this story and I wish to hasten its conclusion. Which brings me back to the reason for my interception of your communique."
Whereupon, her upper torso leaned upward and outward from the magic mirror! Becoming larger, in the process, like a fun house mirror reflection! Large enough, in fact, that she was able to pick up Animal Man in her arms. Just like a baby! Following which, she dragged him back into the magic mirror. All in less time than it takes to tell... and faster than even Santa Claus could react.
Five minutes later, Animal Man landed atop Saint Nicholas Peak. Slowly, he turned himself about, looking first at the slope leading downward toward eastern British Columbia, Canada. Then, he did the same for the slope looking downward toward western Alberta. And it was in the latter direction that he saw his quarry rapidly approaching. More specifically?
He saw Grodd... in the emerald-green likeness of Titano.
"Here's the prototype," he shouted upward through his cupped right hand. "Where are the reindeer?"
"Safe enough... for now. Yet, they won't stay way that unless I first get the gaming disc. So, hand it over!"
"Trust me," replied Animal Man with a lop-sided grin. "I'm more than happy to let you have it."
Upon which he sprang upward. Literally flying up towards Grodd's lower jaw and belting him with a super-strong right hook!
Down went the emerald ape, somersaulting end over end. His massive body creating multiple landslides on either side. When he finally came to a stop at the base of the foothills, he shook his head trying to clear the double-vision that was causing him to see at least three or four Animal Men hovering dozens of feet in the air above him.
"H-H-How...?" he attempted to ask.
"How'd I get so strong all of a sudden?" Animal Man finished the inquiry for him. "Simple! Santa Claus arranged for a little visit between me and Krypto the Superdog, at Superman's Fortress of Solitude, just before I came here. That way, I could morphogenetically copy his powers and use them against you. While, at the same time, Krypto got a good whiff of the Pied Piper's scent off the ransom note. Thereby allowing him and Detective Chimp to backtrack where you and Rathaway took the reindeer! English translation? You lose, Groddzilla."
That last taunt proved too much for the misanthropic anthropoid. With a near-deafening roar, he sprang back on to his feet, while simultaneously putting his massive index fingers to either side of his cranium. Thereby allowing him to concentrate all his hatred and frustration upon Animal Man. Hatred and frustration that he sought to telekinetically manifest within the latter's brain as a cerebral hemorrhage. And, for a few seconds, it looked like he might succeed. But, at the last moment, Animal Man managed to fight through the pain long enough to focus some of his duplicated heat vision downward toward his enemy's right big toe.
Thereby giving "Groddzilla" a hot foot!
The emerald ape roared once more. Although, this time, in pain. Clutching his right foot in both hands while he hopped up and down on his left leg. Resulting in seismic vibrations that registered as far south as San Diego (Buddy Baker's hometown)! It was only when his duplicated super-hearing picked up this information, from emergency radio newscasts, that he finally deemed Grodd sufficiently punished.
Consequently, he knocked the super-gorilla out cold with a super-strong left uppercut.
EPILOGUE
"We found the reindeer on Oolong Island, in the South Pacific, being guarded by Hubert 'The Walrus' Carpenter, Morris 'Hydro-Man' Bench, and Todd 'Tiger Shark' Arliss," explained Detective Chimp. "The latter pair had been hired by some big-shot middleman, named Justin Hammer, on behalf of the Queen of Fables (using some of her fairy tale glamour to pose as an exiled Lemurian called Llyra). The Walrus, however, was more forcibly recruited by her through the use of something called an Atlantean hypno-fish! Anyway, Hydro-Man's ability to change into living water allowed him to ramp up the genetically engineered super-strength of Tiger Shark after Krypto easily subdued the Walrus, first. But Krypto just pretended that their pounding was worse than it was just long enough to lure them away so I could free the reindeer. When his telescopic vision showed him that had been accomplished, he blasted Tiger Shark and Hydro-Man with his heat vision and voila! Instant mild dehydration and temporary evaporation, in that order."
"You found no sign of the Pied Piper, though?" asked Animal Man.
The sentient simian sadly shook his head in the negative.
"I can only deduce that Grodd, in Beast Boy's body, flew him back to Central City after he'd fulfilled his part of the caper. He then probably mind-wiped Rathaway just to prevent any kind of bean-spilling to the cops."
"But, meanwhile, the real Beast Boy's mind is still stuck in Grodd's bod back in that other dimension," Animal Man muttered.
"Ho-ho-ho!" chuckled Santa Claus. "Not to worry. I have a young friend named Axel Asher remedying that situation even as we speak. Which I guess wraps up this case sufficiently enough that I can return you to your body! Wake up, Mr. Baker."
"Wake up, Daddy." exclaimed Maxine. "Wake up! Wake up! We're here."
"Whoa!" replied Buddy. "It feels like I just closed my eyes."
"The way they were twitching while you slept," said Cliff. "...you must've been having one heavy-duty dream."
Buddy smiled. "I think 'giant-sized' would be more accurate. But enough chit-chat. Let's go meet Uncle Bill!"
As Buddy handed down his children's backpacks from the overhead luggage rack, a candy-striped envelope fell to the floor of the aisle. And, as it landed at her feet, Maxine picked it up.
"It's addressed to you, Daddy."
Her father looked at it, quizzically, as he took the envelope from her and opened it. Inside was a square object wrapped in plain white paper; and on that white paper was written the following. "A little something extra for a job well-done. Merry Xmas!"
Buddy's eyes bulged when he saw it was a gaming case entitled. "JLA v. AVENGERS: GRODDZILLA, KING OF MONSTER ISLAND!"
THE END
Special Notes:
Christmas Village is an actual holiday attraction in my hometown of Torrington, Connecticut. Open every year from December 12-24!
William Molno and Raymond Osrin were the co-authors of "Blast Baker of the Planet Police" for Charlton Comics' SPACE ADVENTURES (copyright 1954).
And Marvel's writers refer to their original spin-off of the original "Planet of the Apes" back in the early 1970's as "Earth-7481." So, "Earth-TRN7481-A" is simply my in-joke reference to the POTA/GL collaboration that was co-published by DC and Boom! Studios about five or so years back. I half-seriously wonder if those previous stories will simply get ret-conned as "legends" now that Marvel has reacquired the rights through Disney! Oh, well.
Happy Holidays, folks! :-)
