[Originally written and published: January-February 2020. Cross-posted to FF dot net from AO3: October 2022]
A/N: A 'Padmé lives' au, set during the three year gap between Empire and Jedi. By no means a new or revolutionary concept, but one I felt compelled to put my own spin on. Specifically, I wanted to see her and Luke interacting, since I believe they're very similar character, and Luke has a lot of his mother in him - while Luke/Anakin and Leia/Padmé may seem like the obvious parallels on paper, in terms of personality and spirit, I believe it's in fact the other away around.
Title taken from the Sylvia Plath poem.
Luke immediately sensed someone approaching him, the force calling out like a siren. He turned around with a jolt to find a figure clad in a red hooded robe, walking towards him with soft but powerful steps, clearly showing that their coming here was no accident.
But who would have followed him to such an isolated location? No one besides Leia knew that he was visiting Tatooine.
Were they perhaps an agent of Vader's? Had Vader tracked him down and sent someone to kidnap him?
He was immediately on guard, reaching for the newly-constructed lightsaber hanging by his side.
"W-who are you?" he stammered, trying to sound calm.
"You have no need to worry, Luke," the figure responded in a soothing feminine lilt, "I am friend, not foe."
"How do you know my name?"
But she didn't answer, instead, pulling down her hood to reveal herself.
She's beautiful was Luke's first thought.
But not beautiful in the way of the smiling figure you pine for from afar, but rather beautiful in the way of goddesses, an unnatural beauty, like something from a storybook, or a myth passed down from parent to child.
She possessed some lines of age, slight grey tinting her dark brown hair, and harsh scars sprang from her soft skin that hinted at the struggles she'd been through; but all of that only added to her aura. Like a warrior queen from some ancient civilisation long lost to time.
She looked at him, her eyes burning with something deep and paramount. Like the whole world was about to shift once she said what she was thinking.
"Luke."
That single word sounded so weighty from her lips, her voice shaking with emotion.
She stepped towards him, and took his face in her hands.
"Oh, Luke, my son."
Son.
Luke's eyes widened.
It couldn't be…
"M-mother?" He gasped out.
He took her in. Her face, her eyes… they looked familiar, but he couldn't quite place it. But her gaze felt like a mother's loving look, her hands like a mother's warm embrace.
"After all this time… I've finally found you…"
She stood there, smiling brightly, eyes shining with tears, cradling his face in her hands; it felt so comforting, so inviting... but then something clicked.
My son…
I am your father…
He stepped back from her with a renewed sense of panic, igniting the green blade, pointing it at her.
"Did he send you here?!"
She immediately seemed to understand who he was talking about, and frowned, looking away, an unreadable expression on her face.
"No, you don't have to worry about that. I haven't talked to him since before you were born. He doesn't even know I'm alive."
Luke relaxed a little at her words, sensing them to be honest. He extinguished the saber, but still stood away from her, a million thoughts swirling in his head.
"So what he said about being my father… it was true…"
It wasn't a question, but rather, a forlorn statement.
"Yes…"
He looked at her. She looked so beautiful… sad… but kind. How could someone like her be his mother, but a monster like Vader be his father? What happened?
"Where you… with him?"
She met his gaze, smiling sadly. "We were married."
"M-Married?!" he immediately sputtered, "But… how?! Were you with the Empire?!"
"It was before the Empire, Luke."
Vader before the Empire? He couldn't even imagine such a concept.
"But he's… he's…"
A monster?
A demon?
Your father…
"He wasn't always like that," she said, wistfully. "When I met him he was just a boy, kind and hopeful. We reunited years later when he was a Jedi. He was filled with pain, but he was a good person. He truly did care about helping people. He loved me, more than anyone ever had. Maybe a little too much…"
"A Jedi… so he really was Anakin Skywalker."
She nodded.
Anakin, the brave star-fighter and noble Jedi Knight that Obi-Wan had told him about. How could that hero and Darth Vader be one in the same?
"What happened?"
"The Emperor manipulated him, prayed on his fears. He believed I was going to die in childbirth, and Palpatine told him that he could teach him a way to save me. He did it all for me, and that fact tortures me everyday. The Republic, everything I fought for, it died because of me…"
"Don't say that," he responded immediately, "It was the Emperor's fault, not yours."
She looked at him, and smiled sadly. "That sounds like something Ani would say."
Ani? Did she just call Darth Vader Ani? He blinked in almost-bemused disbelief, still struggling to reconcile the man and the monster.
"I know you're right, but it still hurts," she sighed. "It's still hard for me to comprehend… that the man I loved could do all of those horrible things. I can't imagine how you felt finding out the truth."
"I didn't believe it," Luke responded quietly, "How could it be true? But it turns out it was… Ben lied to me..."
"Oh, Luke…"
"He cut off my hand y'know," he said, waving his leather-clad synthetic hand. "Not the best way to introduce yourself to your son." He chuckled humorlessly.
She immediately grasped his hand, inspecting it. "I can't believe it…"
"Don't worry, I'm fine now," he replied lamely.
"That he did this to you… after what happened to his own hand… I..."
"Mother…"
She pulled him into a hug.
"Oh Luke… I should've been there to protect you."
He didn't pull away but didn't return her embrace either.
"Why did you leave in the first place?" he finally asked, voice wavering somewhat. The question needed to be asked, but he was still reluctant to say it.
"Oh honey, I didn't want to," she lamented, "I wanted to be with you so badly. But it was too dangerous. I'd be putting you at risk by staying with you. So I faked my own death and told Obi-Wan and Bail Organa to hide you."
"Bail Organa? Leia's father?"
"Yes," she replied with a note of sadness that hinted at something deeper, averting her gaze for a moment, "He was a dear friend of mine back in the days of the Republic."
"But… if you cared so much about the Republic… then why didn't you help the Rebellion?" He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. He hadn't meant to sound accusatory, but he feared that was how it came across.
"You have to understand that I did what I could! But to truly sell the idea of my death, I had to stay out of sight. And that included staying out of sight of the Rebels. It's hard to tell who you can truly trust, and all it would take would be for the wrong person to see me and then it all be for naught. Only my closest confidants knew I was still alive, and now one of them is gone…" She paused for a moment, wrapping her arms around herself, before continuing, "I worked incognito, doing missions in secret with my companion Dormé, and sending Bail and Mon my progress. Once I'd heard you'd joined the Rebellion I wanted to meet you more than anything, but I was still too afraid… what would you even think of me, the mother who'd abandoned you?"
"I'd have said that I understood why you did what you did, and that I'd want nothing more than to finally meet you," he smiled softly, and his mother's face lit up. "...How'd you find me here anyway?"
"I actually didn't come here looking for you. I came here because of your friend, Han Solo. Mon told me what happened to him last time I contacted her, and I thought maybe I could find a way to free him."
She came here to save Han?
"I know that you're very close to him, and I thought that by rescuing him I could finally do something right by you."
"Mother, you didn't have to do that…"
"I wanted to. I was heading towards Jabba's Palace to try and figure out a way in, but then I saw you. I knew it was you right away, you look so much like Anakin."
Luke couldn't help but instinctively tug at his artificial arm. It was said that Vader was more machine than man… how far off was he from that fate?
He shook his head. It was better not to think about it.
"Mother… I know who my Father is now, but… who are you? I don't even know your name."
"Padmé. My name is Padmé."
Padmé.
All his life his mother had been nothing more than a ghost. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru had barely told him more than a sentence or two about his father, and they'd never once mentioned his mother. He'd known absolutely nothing about her, and couldn't even begin to imagine her. She was like a vague shadow, forever abstract and unknowable. But here she was, standing in front of him, breathing, and alive, and real, with dark eyes like rivers of chestnut, and an inviting smile, and a name... Padmé. Such an exotic name; one you'd never hear on Tatooine.
"I'm from Naboo," she continued, I was a Senator and former Queen."
Luke felt awe-struck. Here he was, a farm boy from the middle of nowhere who'd spent the first nineteen years of his life thinking he was the son of a Spice Trader, and now he was finding out that not only was his mother from a core world, but she was Queen of a core world.
It was like something he'd have dreamed up when he was a kid.
"...Does that make me prince?" He finally found his voice.
She looked at him for a moment, and then laughed warmly. "Not quite. Naboo's throne isn't hereditary. Though I think you'd make a fine prince."
"Not me," he shook his head immediately, "My friend Leia's more suited to that sort of thing."
She seemed to flinch at the name… she was probably remembering what happened to Bail and Alderaan again.
There was a silence, lingering in the hot, sticky desert air.
"...Mother?" Luke spoke, barely above a whisper.
"Yes?"
"...Don't leave. I know it's dangerous, but I'll protect you!" his voice was quickly rising, jittery with a childlike fear, "I'm a Jedi after all!"
She pulled him into another hug, and this time he didn't resist. "I wouldn't dream of it. The only thing keeping me away from you was that I wasn't near you. It was easier to forget what I'd lost when you were nothing more than a distant memory. But now that you're here, I can't let go. If I could go back in time, I'd never have left you…"
"You did what you had to, Mother."
"And in the process, I lost my son."
"You didn't lose me, I'm right here."
She beamed through the tears. "You always see the good in things don't you? Owen and Beru did such a good job raising you… I only wish they were still here so I could thank them."
"So do I," he uttered, with shaky breath. He'd never truly gotten the chance to process the grief of losing his Aunt and Uncle in such a brutal manner, and by this point he just tried his best not to think about it.
They stood there in silence for a few moments, Mother and Son in a long-overdue embrace, until finally, Padmé spoke again.
"I love you, Luke."
"But you don't even know me… how can you be so sure? What if I… disappoint you?"
"Luke, I've loved you since the moment I was born. Loving you and…" she hesitated. "My love for you, it's what got me through all these years. The dream of reuniting with my child. When I heard the name of the boy who destroyed the Death Star, I wasn't surprised. I knew you'd be something special. I'm so proud of you. You're going to be a great Jedi, and you're already a great man. Don't ever forget that."
He simply nodded, not knowing what to say.
Trusting someone so innately, despite barely knowing them… this must be a mother's love.
Finally, they pulled apart, and Padme composed herself, a small grin gracing her features. "Now, what do you say we go figure out a plan to save your friend? I realise now that simply rushing in would probably not be the... best course of action shall we say, but I know we can figure something out. I have experience in... aggressive negotiations." She pulled out a blaster hidden under her robe as proof. "Between us and Dormé, I'm sure we can handle Jabba. He's hardly a fighter, his power comes entirely from his wealth."
"Dormé? She's your friend right?"
"Yes. She used to be my handmaiden back when I was a Senator. After the fall of the Republic I told her she was free to leave, but she insistent on staying by my side. I don't know where I'd be without her…" she smiled warmly, a light shade of pink lighting up her pale cheeks. "She's waiting back at my ship just outside Mos Eisley. She thought I was mad coming here but I was insistent. She'll be thrilled to meet you."
"I'd love to. Meeting Dormé I mean. And rescuing Han. That's actually the reason why I returned to Tatooine," Luke rambled, eager but quiet, as if fearing that someone would overhear them in this quiet desert enclave. "To scout out a plan to save Han. Well that and to make a new lightsaber," he waved the hilt in the air for emphasis.
"You made that by yourself?" Padme asked, and Luke was relieved she didn't ask what happened to the old one. He was sure she could probably deduce it by herself anyway.
He hummed in affirmative. "I went to Ben- Obi-Wan's hut to find instructions. I didn't have much to go off of, but I think it came out well." He ignited the blade again, allowing her to appreciate the emerald green glow, before quickly putting it away once more.
"The green suits you," she said. "I remember your father once explaining to me what different lightsaber colours meant. He said that green was chosen by those who preferred negotiation and meditation to combat."
Luke blinked, and then nodded. He hadn't known the meaning of the crystal colour when he'd constructed his saber but… he liked that.
His father though...
One more thing was gnawing at him.
"You mention my father…" he fidgeted with his hands nervously, "...I remember how, since the day I joined the Rebellion, I only saw him as some sort of monster to be slain. But on Cloud City, he wanted me to join him. At the time I thought he only wanted to use me, but now that I think about it, I wonder if there was something more to it. He said he wanted us to rule together as father and son… I'm starting to think that maybe he cared more about our relationship than about power. You said that Anakin loved you more than anything… I wonder if he loves me too. If Anakin really was the great Jedi Knight that you and Obi-Wan said he was, then he can't be all bad, right? That hero can't be truly gone. There has to still be good in him!" He paused, frowning. "...Do you think I'm crazy?"
She smiled.
"Luke, you sound like me, a long time ago."
The binary suns began to set.
A/N: To quote myself circa. Feburary 2020: And then Luke, Padmé and Dormé went and kicked Jabba's ass and saved Han. Poor Han was probably very confused and thought Padmé was Leia.
The reason Padmé avoided the topic of Leia was because she didn't want to overwhelm Luke. Learning your long-lost mother is alive and getting confirmation that the genocidal space wizard is your father is heavy enough without throwing a secret sister on top of that.
Also, in case anyone's curious; yes, the implication here was supposed to be that Padmé and Dormé are a couple.
Reviews are always appreciated. Contact me on twitter or tumblr at sapphyreblayze.
