Knock, knock, knock.
Kate jerked awake at the insistent knocking, eyes adjusting to the early morning sunlight streaming through the bedroom window. It took a second for her to get her bearings, taking in the foreign yet familiar surroundings of her old bedroom before the tapping on the wood started again, this time with more vigour.
"Alright, I'm up!" She grumbled, propping herself up on her elbows and blinking the sleep out of her eyes. Grabbing her phone from the bedside table, Kate took a quick look at the time, noting that she had some unread messages before padding to the bathroom to take a quick shower.
She threw on some jeans and a crew-neck sweater before heading downstairs to find her mom, brother and step-father all seated at the kitchen table apparently waiting on her arrival.
"Ahh, here she is! Merry Christmas Katie!"
Kate struggled not to wince at her step-father's booming voice, instead forcing a smile onto her face as she greeted him with a pat on the shoulder before heading across the kitchen to pull a mug from the cupboard.
"Merry Christmas everybody."
After pouring herself a mug of coffee, Kate dropped down into the chair next to Matt, barely finishing her first mouthful of java when her mother began giving them a rundown of the day.
"…so Aunt Rose is bringing Nanna June but Richard will be here at lunchtime so we really don't have long…"
Christmas in the Meadows' household was always a regimented affair with Grace Meadows-Kimble at the helm running a tight ship. As much as Kate loved her mother, she could never quite understand why she cared so much about what people thought of her. Grace was a woman who had been raised by wealthy parents and, as a result, had become accustomed to a certain way of living.
At the age of twenty-two, Grace met Philip Meadows, a handsome, bookish Physics major who was attending Yale on a scholarship and the two embarked on a brief, passionate affair, culminating in a pregnancy that took them both by surprise.
The subsequent marriage was borne out of Grace's parents' somewhat archaic view that the baby shouldn't be born out of wedlock and, against their better judgement, the two married in a lavish ceremony a mere four months before Matthew's arrival.
Kate came along three years later but the marriage of convenience was never destined to stand the test of time and after ten years the couple divorced, tired of constantly trying and failing to make one another happy.
Ultimately, they were just too different.
Whilst Grace believed that having the 'correct' social standing was the key to a happy and successful life, her husband was the polar opposite. An amenable and soft-spoken man, Philip came from a working middle-class family and his only goal in life was to watch his two children grow and flourish into happy, well-adjusted adults.
Kate adored her father and had been a 'daddy's girl' from the off, the two of them completely inseparable right up until the day he died. Kate was a sophomore at Harvard when her father was killed and she can still recall the last thing he ever said to her.
'None of us are getting out of this alive, Katie-Bug. Might as well spend it doing what you love!'
And so she did. Every single day she reminded herself that it could all be yanked out from underneath you at any given moment and so she followed her gut and, more importantly, she followed her heart.
"…Kate, are you even listening to me?"
Darting her eyes to her mother's unamused face, Kate drained the last dregs of her almost cold coffee and flashed her mother with what she hoped were innocent eyes.
"I said, please can you start laying the table in the dining room. Your Uncle Richard will be here any minute!"
"Sure Mom."
Matt gave her a wink from across the table, getting to his feet as he set off into the living room. Barely seconds after he disappeared from view, Christmas music began to float through the house, the melodic sounds was almost immediately followed by Matt's terrible rendition of White Christmas.
"That boy has, and always will be, completely tone deaf."
A smile crept onto Kate's face as she shared a knowing look with her step-father, the two of them chuckling as he hit a particularly bad note. Ted Kimble was a well-respected tax attorney and a senior partner at one of New Haven's most prestigious law firms. He had married her mom a few years' after her parents divorced but it wasn't until Kate was older did she truly realise how perfect Ted was for her mother. He catered to her every whim without question or complaint and she played the part of doting lawyer's wife with an ease and grace that Kate could only wish she had. He had been a fixture in her life since she was nine years old and she considered herself incredibly fortunate that Ted had treated both her and Matt like they were his own.
"You're not wrong Ted, you're not wrong."
He gave her an indulgent smile before excusing himself and Kate pushed to her feet, pouring another coffee before ambling off into the living room to start completing her allocated task. When she was finished, she dropped down into one of the plush armchairs and pulled out her phone.
She had five text messages - one from Kevin, two from Erin and two from Al. The last surprising her given that Alvin didn't text anyone. Ever. The man still owned a VHS player for God's sake.
'Happy Christmas Partner - hope you have a good day with the fam. Appreciate you. Kev.'
'Merry Christmas Kate! Hope you're enjoying CT. Erin xx'
The first message from Erin was immediately followed by a second.
'Don't worry about Hank, I'll make him third wheel with me and Jay! xx'
Kate couldn't help but laugh, knowing Hank would be secretly thrilled to spend the day with them. She idly wondered whether Erin had noticed the subtle shift between her and Hank. Given how well she knew her father-figure and how often she had clocked Kate watching him, it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for her to piece it all together.
Closing the text from Erin, she opened up the first message from Alvin. It was time stamped at 22:43 the previous evening and Kate was surprised when, instead of a text message, she was greeted with a picture. Her screen was filled with an image of both Hank and Alvin sitting together on the black leather couch in Hank's office, Alvin slightly in front as he turned to take a selfie so that they were both in the shot. Hank was reclined in the corner of the sofa, one thigh crossed over the opposite knee and a tumbler of his secret scotch in one hand as he grinned towards the camera. The picture was followed up by a simple message. 'Merry Christmas x'.
Kate zoomed in slightly on the picture, drinking in the sight of his handsome face in the dim light of his office.
'Thank God for you Alvin Olinsky.'
"Who's that?"
Kate flinched in surprise, her phone slipping from her grasp and landing on the carpet with a thud. Matt plonked himself down on the sofa opposite and Kate shot him a harsh glare that he pointedly ignored as she reached down to retrieve her phone.
"Not funny Matt, you nearly gave me a fucking heart attack."
Snorting at her language, Matt merely raised an eyebrow and crossed one leg over the other, evidently waiting for her to answer his question.
"They're just my colleagues, that's all."
He hummed in his throat, a noise that said he didn't believe a word she'd said. His lips ticked upwards in a mischievous smirk and used the index finger of one hand to gesture towards his own neck.
"The same colleague that gave you that giant hickie I suppose?"
Clutching a hand to her throat in horror, Kate pulled the collar of her jumper down a few centimetres to reveal a darkening bruise just below her right collarbone.
"Oh fuck!"
Matt let out a bark of laughter and Kate widened her eyes at him, shushing as she turned to make sure neither her mother nor Ted were in earshot.
"Not a word Matthew or I swear-"
"Swear what baby sister?"
He used the same tone he had used since they were children and Kate could feel herself automatically bristling at his teasing.
"I'll tell Mom about Isaac."
The smirk left his handsome face swiftly at the mention of his new beau and he raised his hands up in surrender, the siblings reaching a silent truce given that they both had enough dirt on one another to fill a canyon. Kate had known that Matt was bisexual pretty much for as long as he had but, knowing that their mother would likely have a coronary at the thought of her son being anything but straight, she had promised to keep his secret for as long as he wanted her to.
"Just please tell me that he treats you well and I won't mention him again."
Kate considered her brother for a moment, her face softening at his words. With a nod, she got to her feet and took a few steps towards him, leaning down to plant a kiss on the top of his head.
"He's a good man, you don't have to worry."
The two shared a look before Kate turned on her heel, heading up to her room to change into something that wouldn't reveal the evidence of her most recent romantic interlude. She had just pulled a bottle green turtleneck over her head when her phone began to vibrate, Hank's name appearing on the screen.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself."
"Your mom still alive or have I gotta get on a plane with Al to start digging?"
Kate huffed a laugh, dropping back onto the mattress to stare at the ceiling.
"No-one's dead yet so I'll take that as a win but the day is still young." She paused for a beat. "Speaking of committing murder, thanks very much for the little gift you left on my neck the other night. I had to explain that to my brother of all people."
His low laugh sent chills down Kate's spine and, not for the first time since she'd arrived in Connecticut, she wished that she was back in Chicago locked up in her apartment with a naked Hank Voight between her thighs.
"How was that for you?" He teased and Kate could immediately visualise his smug face on the other end of the phone.
"Oh, just fantastic, thank you. Looks like I'm wearing nothing but turtlenecks for the next few days." She paused for a moment, hearing a subtle creak of what sounded like Hank's office chair in the background. "Where are you anyway?"
"At the district. Had a few things to finish up."
Kate paused, leaning against the doorframe separating the bedroom and the bathroom as a feeling of guilt settled in her stomach.
"Hank, it's Christmas Day. Why the fuck are you at work?"
He was silent for a beat before he responded and Kate felt her eyes well up at his words.
"Well, Erin's with Jay, my grandson's in Arizona and you ain't here to kiss me so I figured I'd put the time to good use."
'He's on his own at Christmas.'
"Jesus, Hank." She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the hard wood. He was in the process of telling her that it was fine and that it was just another day but Kate cut him off, suddenly irrationally angry at their situation.
"No, it's not fine. It's Christmas!"
He chuckled at her blazing temper, recognising the fierceness in her tone. He'd witnessed it a few times before, most recently when a suspect they were questioning in the interrogation room had spat in Kevin's face, spouting all kinds of racial hatred towards her partner. Before Kevin had the chance to react, she had rounded the desk, grabbed the man by the front of his shirt and punched him so hard in the face that she broke his nose in one swing, dropping him like a sack of bricks.
"He's twice the man you'll ever be you spineless fuck!" She roared, spittle flying in his face, mixing with the blood and tears as Kevin wrapped his arms around her waist, hoisting her into the air and depositing her out into the hallway as gently as he could whilst she struggled against him. She was like a lioness when it came to her team and he knew right then and there that this woman was the perfect fit for his unit. She'd been hauled in front of the review board for her actions and had taken her punishment without complaint, levelling the panel with a steady gaze and advising them that she would do the same thing again and again.
"It's only a few more days babe." He reasoned, his tone soothing her slightly but she still huffed in irritation. She was about to respond when she heard a voice at the other end of the line signalling that Hank had company.
"I've got to go but I'll call you later."
"Okay. Hey, Hank?"
"Yeah?"
"Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas sweetheart."
She cancelled the call and threw her phone down onto the bed. Kate hated the thought of Hank spending Christmas alone and vowed that she wouldn't let him spend another Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July or any other significant holiday by himself ever again.
Kate was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the doorbell ring, closely followed by her mother's high-pitched noise of greeting so she made her way downstairs before someone came looking for her.
The day passed relatively uneventfully. Kate's grandmother, her aunt and her uncle arriving first before her cousin Simon eventually appeared thirty minutes later with his wife Monica and two sons in tow, apologising profusely for his tardiness.
"Louie's teething and Alistair refuses to wear anything but his Captain America costume so…" He tapered off looking flushed and frazzled as he attempted to reign in his energetic toddler.
Waving him off, Grace ushered the family into the dining room where they ate together before retiring to the sitting room to exchange gifts. It was mid-afternoon when Kate excused herself, grabbing her coat and pulling on her boots to brave the New England weather. Treading the familiar path, she walked the short distance to East Lawn Cemetery where she meandered through the snow-covered headstones until she found the one she was looking for.
Kate spent the next thirty minutes or so updating her Dad on everything that was going on her life, on her new job, her new friends. She even told him a bit about Hank, hoping that, wherever he was, he'd be happy for her.
When she arrived back at her mom's house, cheeks red and fingers numb from the cold, she poured herself a glass of wine and took a seat in between her Grandmother and Monica who was bouncing a grizzly, slobbery Louie on her knee in an effort to keep him entertained.
"So, how's life in Chicago? Simon said you've been out there a few months now."
Kate nodded, taking sip of wine as she watched Louis gnaw on his little fists as he whined away on his mother's knee.
"Yeah, it's great, really great. My new unit is awesome, amazing people, interesting work." Kate hiked her shoulders, not really knowing what else to say. She wasn't about to go into detail about the murders, rapes, drug busts and God knows what else she dealt with on a daily basis. Keeping it brief and high-level was the safest course of action.
"How about you? What grade do you teach now?"
"Kindergarten through to second grade. Now Louis' is in daycare, it's so much easier to balance being a teacher and being a mom." Kate nodded but she was already starting to zone out as Monica regaled her with tales of vomit, diapers and other occupational hazards when dealing with children. Kate really liked Monica but the two women had little to nothing in common aside from the family that she had married in to.
Monica was in the middle of telling Kate about a particularly precocious child she teaches when they were interrupted by her grandmother who had decided at that moment to interject with the question Kate had been waiting for all day.
"So when are you going to finally find a nice boy and settle down Katie?"
Kate closed her eyes and silently counted to three before turning to face her grandmother. Nanna June was her maternal grandmother and was of the opinion that you weren't truly a woman until you had pushed a watermelon-sized object out of your body and, as such, she quizzed Kate on when she was finally going to hang up her badge and have a family every chance she got.
"Oh, I'm far too young to be worried about that, Nanna. I've got plenty more bad guys to put away before I pay my contribution to society." The sarcasm dripping from her tone was not lost on Monica who cleared her throat and began babbling at the baby in her arms in an effort to stay clear of the conversation.
"Hmmm, I never did understand why you'd give up such a promising career to be a police officer." She spat the last two words, her face pulling into a sour expression and she tutted and shook her head, patting Kate's knee with a pale, wrinkled hand. "Such a waste."
Kate simply smiled, the thinly-veiled belittlement not cutting quite as deep as it once did. Even after all these years, the commendations, the scars and the ribbons on her chest, she'd never be able to shake the feeling of being a disappointment to her grandmother.
"No, no Alistair don't touch that! Kate, could you-"
Monica had passed off the squirming baby into Kate's arms even before she could get a word out, darting off to prevent whatever drama her oldest child was about to unleash. The sudden movement seemed to shock Louie into silence for a moment, his bright blue eyes darting over Kate's face with a look very much said 'and who the fuck are you?'.
"Hey little guy."
Kate bounced him on her knee, letting him grip her finger in his chubby little fist as he began to babble to himself once again. She entertained him for a few more minutes until a flustered Monica returned to relieve her, thanking her profusely for the assistance.
"No sweat, he's gonna be a little heartbreaker when he grows up."
Later in the evening, long after everyone had left and her Mom and Ted had gone to bed, Matt and Kate sat together on the sofa in the living room, both nursing a glass of Ted's not-so-secret, $600 a bottle scotch.
"I heard Nanna gave you the old 'husband and babies' speech earlier."
Kate sighed, lifting the heavy crystal tumbler to her lips and taking a sip, savouring the burn as the liquid slid down her throat.
"Yep. She let me know how much of a disappointment I am, just as she does every year."
Matt reached over and gripped her free hand, sympathy evident in his eyes. He knew he got off lightly when it came to dealing with their dysfunctional family and he was also well aware that Kate shouldered the brunt of the snide comments when it came to family and career choices. Though it was cowardly, it was one of the reasons he hadn't come out to his family.
"You've never been bothered about what people think of your choices Katie-Bug, don't start now."
Kate raised her gaze to meet his ocean blue eyes, giving his fingers a squeeze at his use of the nickname her Dad had given her when she was a baby.
"It doesn't bother me, per se. It's…I dunno. I go out there every day and do my bit to try and make the world a better, safer place but, because I didn't become what everyone else expected me be, in their eyes my value diminishes."
"Listen to me." Matt shifted in his seat, turning his body to face his sister and forcing her to met his eyes. "Your value is not determined by anybody but you. You aren't any less worthy because you haven't decided if you want to become a mother yet and you certainly aren't any less worthy for becoming a cop. Anyone who isn't capable of seeing what an incredible woman you are isn't worth a space in your life…including our Grandmother."
Kate nodded, leaning forwards and resting her head on her brother's shoulder, taking comfort in his familiar scent as he held her tight for a few moments.
"Anyway, I don't think the world could handle a mini-Kate just yet. You looked adorable with Louie by the way…get a look at this." Matt pulled out his phone, finding the picture he was looking for and turning the device to show Kate the screen. He had snapped a candid picture of her cradling Louie, the two of them eyeballing each other comically as Kate laughed at his adorable expression.
"That's actually pretty cute." Kate conceded with a smile.
When she lie in bed later that night, Kate turned Matt's words over in her mind. She'd always figured that she'd start a family when the time was right but she made a point of not paying it too much attention. But for the first time in her life, her dreams that night were filled with images of a baby girl who looked exactly like her but, instead of Kate's hazel, the baby's eyes were a beautiful deep russet. She had his eyes.
