Skipping class is almost stupidly easy. Raph just sneaks into an empty classroom and dumps his book bag onto the floor, setting out a pencil and paper so he can come up with a dumb excuse if a hall monitor finds him.
As he sits there, his phone starts buzzing with text notifications. Three from Leo asking what his problem is lately, one each from April and Donnie offering to help with school work, and two from Mikey asking if Raph wanted to eat lunch with him today.
He ignores them all, head buzzing with anger and annoyance at their pity. He opens the chat with Casey and rereads the last of their conversation, dated four months ago.
Case i just dont get why you care so much about what they say.
Me ? they have a video of us case. obviously i would care when they say theyre gonna spread it around.
Case would that really be so bad? maybe it would be embarrassing but im tired of just being a secret to you.
Me would that really be so bad? are you kidding me right now? you dont get it case. youre OUT to your family! if you dont want to be a secret why did you go after a guy you knew was in the closet?
Case so youre pissed i went after you. makes sense.
Me thats not what i meant and you know it.
Case whatever. i get why youre upset but it hurts to hear you say all this shit. being gay is not the end of the fucking world.
Me it is to me.
Raph huffs, blinking hard. He closes out of the chat and opens another one labeled Asshole.
Me just leave casey out of this jack.
Asshole or what? we both know i have the upper hand here freak.
Me he isn't even gay asshole.
Asshole the video says otherwise fag.
Me listen.
Me i was just a hole for him to fuck after his hockey games. he'll tell you that himself. add that to your blackmail, dumbass.
Asshole whatever.
Raph shuts off his phone and buries his face into his hands, a lump growing in his throat. As far as he knows, his last ditch (and half assed) lie to protect Casey had worked. When he sees him in the halls, he never has a busted up face, except for once and that came from hockey practice.
As he sits there regretting every life decision he's ever made, the door creaks open. Raph's head snaps up, instantly on defense. It's the five boys.
"Looks like we ran into the fag without even looking for him," one jokes, nudging his friend in the shoulder like he just said the funniest thing in the world.
"You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me," Raph sneers, adrenaline making every thing seem floaty and fast. "Didn't yesterday satisfy you assholes?" Raph gestures to his bruised face.
"Guess not," the most ruthless one, Jack, shrugs. Raph takes a deep breath, tries to prepare himself for the beating he's about to endure.
He tries his best to stand his ground, but five against one will never be fair.
At one point, one of the boys gets a good punch to his temple and everything goes black for a second, ears ringing. When his vision clears, the last few things he sees are his phone cracking against the linoleum tile, and a foot swinging towards his ribs at mach ten.
Then, darkness.
Raph comes to with a groan, his head feeling as if it had just been split in two. He reaches for his phone, turning it over. It's shattered.
He pushes himself up slowly, concerned less with the pain radiating through his body and more with how long he's been unconscious for. It takes him a moment to locate the clock hanging on the wall, then a minute to interpret the time, his vision blurred.
Lunch will let out in five minutes.
"Mikey," Raph groans, pulling himself to sit upright in the seat he had been occupying before his bullies had shown up. The contents of his book bag are strewn across the floor, some of it crumpled like it had been trampled over as the boys left the room.
"Can't even fucking..." Raph grabs his head, eyes fluttering shut. "Can't even fucking skip class."
Raph lets himself wallow in self pity for a minute, then forces himself to gather up his school supplies and shove it back into his book bag. Just as he's zipping everything up, the bell rings, echoing painfully in Raph's mind.
He pushes the door open slowly, peaking his head out into the hallway before trying his best to blend in with all the students filing from the cafeteria, laughing with their friends. If he can just get to a bathroom, clean himself up a little...
"Raph!" a voice yells, instantly recognized as Mikey.
Raph's stride falters, shoulders tensing.
No, not now. Please not right now, Angelo.
"Raph! Raph!" Mikey continues, voice getting louder as he runs up behind his older brother.
People are starting to look at him, quizzical looks on their faces. Raph stares straight ahead. Just ten more feet to the bathroom. Eight.
Mikey grabs his shoulder, spinning him around fast. The smile on his face falls into concern.
"What happened? Are you okay? You were supposed to meet me at lunch but you never -"
"Can it, Mikey," Raph grumbles, eyes looking anywhere except for his little brother. He already knows how this is going to go down, and he doesn't like it.
"Wha -? Seriously, Raph, what happened?" Mikey's brows are furrowed, a rare expression of somberness etched onto his usually care-free features.
"Nothing, I'm fine," Raph snaps, turning on his heel as he starts to walk again. He skips over the bathroom, knowing if he slips in Mikey will just follow him.
"Raph, let me help -" Mikey grabs Raph's arm lightly.
Raph only thinks for a fraction of a second before he's turning around to his brother, anger rippling across his face. He sneers.
"I told you I'm fine, Mikey! I don't need your help. Why don't you go find the others and leave me alone," he grinds out the last part, punctuating each word.
Mikey stares with big eyes, the hurt expression on his face slowly morphing into an indignant one.
"Fine!" he spits, eye brows furrowed.
"Leo's right about you, y'know. You're changing and - and you never want to talk to anyone anymore. You're always so angry and mean - well I don't care anymore! I'll leave you alone because..." Mikey's bottom lip wavers as he trails off, like he's thinking about wether he should say something or not.
"Because I hate you."
When Raph gets home, Mikey is locked in their room and the rest of his family is sitting silently at the dining room table. He had left the school ten minutes early, avoiding Yoshi's car with all of his being and opting to skate instead; even though his body ached.
"Raphael, my son," Yoshi's deep voice breaks the silence before Raph can make a beeline towards the bathroom. "Please, sit."
Raph stands still, contemplating on turning around and walking right back out the front door. He can't, he never could outright ignore his adopted father.
Leaning his skateboard against the wall, Raph creeps into the dining room, purposefully avoiding the creaky spot on the floor and everyone else's gazes.
"Would you like to start, El?" Yoshi continues, using a nickname he hasn't uttered in a long time. Raph's chest aches at the sound, remembering how he had told people to stop using it, saying it was too girly.
"There's nothing to say," Raph replies, voice coming out softer than he had meant.
"That's bullshit," Leo says, somehow even quieter. It's not a protestation, more of a statement. A fact.
Raph glares at him through bruised eyes. "Shut the fuck up, Leo, he wasn't talking to you."
"Raphael -"
"Theres nothing to say!" Raph yells, interrupting Yoshi.
"I'm fine! Okay? I'm just an asshole, what don't you guys understand about that? I got into a little fight, big whoop. If you guys really knew what I've - shit," Raph loses his momentum, swallowing a lump in his throat.
That's when he knows there's no pretending anymore. They all stare at him, surprised at the tears that are starting to swell in his eyes. Now they know something is wrong, but Raph refuses to let them know what.
"You wouldn't understand," he breathes, the first tear breaking the barrier and streaming down his face. His head hurts.
"My son, whatever you are going through, we will understand," Yoshi asks quietly, eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"No, you won't," Raph snaps through his tears.
"Raph," Leo reaches out to touch Raph's arm, he pulls away quickly with a sneer.
"Stop! You guys won't understand, alright? How would you? This entire time I've been wanting to fucking kill myself over this bullshit, and you guys didn't even...fuck that," Raph says, standing up so quickly that his chair clatters to the ground.
He speed-walks out of the dining room and grabs his skateboard, ripping the door open before slamming it as hard as he can behind him, the sound piercing his skull. For a moment, he can hear Donnie and Leo yelling his name, then he turns the corner.
An old lady with locs down to her knees frowns at him in concern, holding a small dog in her arms.
"Are you okay, baby?"
"I'm fine," Raph snaps, though he knows she doesn't believe him. He throws his skateboard down and steps on it, pushing himself forward fast to get away from her worried expression. He can't deal with any more pity.
He skates without much thought, not even realizing where he's headed until the last turn.
Raph looks up at Casey's apartment complex, tears streaming down his face as his head pounds. He kicks his skateboard up and turns into the alley, jumping to reach the fire escape ladder. Grabbing it, he hangs as dead weight for a moment. The steel hook meant to keep the ladder up from the ground is broke, and the ladder comes sliding down with the horrible grinding of rusted metal on rusted metal.
Raph drops his skateboard, unable to carry it up with him. The climb is slow and tedious. A lady yells at him from two stories above before giving up and slamming her window shut. Raph's hand gets cut on a rusty screw. He wipes the blood off on his pants, thankful he's up to date on his tetanus shot.
Raph knows Casey will be on the roof, probably swinging his hockey stick around or just lounging against a wall listening to music. Before he makes the last climb to the roof, he takes a deep breath and wipes the tears from his face as best he can, avoiding the bruises and cuts.
What is he going to say? What will Raph say?
I'm sorry I yelled at you. It wasn't your fault. I'm not embarrassed of you, I'm just embarrassed of what I am.
I love you.
Raph peaks his head over the side of the building and almost immediately makes eye contact with Casey, like it's fate or something.
"Raph?"
"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Casey rushes over, pulling Raph onto the roof. They stand about a foot apart, Casey's eyebrows knit together.
"I'm fine," Raph replies wobbly, scratching his head in embarrassment.
"I just..." he breaths out wetly, closing his eyes briefly.
"I'm sorry," they both say at the same time, then they laugh awkwardly and shift from foot to foot.
"Come on, let's go sit down and we can talk," Casey says, leading Raph to a a wall about shoulder height. They sit down next to it and lean back, Raph playing with his fingers awkwardly.
"So...what happened?" Casey asks softly, which his rare for the usually brash teen.
"Where do I start?" Raph huffs, rolling his eyes lightly.
"From the beginning?" offers Casey. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
Raph sighs.
"The last couple of months have been real hard on me, Case," Raph starts, avoiding eye contact. "I've been fighting with my brothers, with my dad. I can't... I can't find a reason to get up in the morning 'cause of what's been happening at school."
"Raph..." Casey trails.
"Those assholes, those guys? I convinced them to leave you alone but I-I. Well, I never knew there were so many slurs against queers, I'll tell you that," Raph glances up, drinks in the angry look in Casey's eyes.
"They beat the shit out of me, five against one every time. I'm fucking f-failing all of my classes," Raph swallows. "My brothers hate me, my dad hates me."
"That's not true, Raph. That's not true."
"It is fucking true," Raph snaps. "Mikey told me so today. Got the shit beat of me and I snapped at him for no reason...everyone wants to fucking talk about it but they don't understand."
Raph yanks hard at his locks with one hand, squeezes his nails tight into his palm with the other. The crescent shaped scabs there break open, and begin to bleed. Tears swell in his eyes again.
Fuckin' pathetic.
"Raphael," Casey says seriously. He grabs Raph's hands and intertwines it with his, not paying any mind to the blood.
"I'm-I'm. Fuck. I'm so sorry," Casey breaths, makes direct eye contact with Raph. They stare at each other for a tense moment. Two.
Then they're kissing, the only thing keeping them grounded being the feeling of the others lips against theirs. Raph grips Casey's hair tight, eyebrows furrowed as he savors the heat of the other boys mouth.
Casey pulls back first, resting his forehead on Raph's his eyes are glossy.
"Come inside and let me fix you up?" he asks quietly, breath fanning across Raph's face.
"Nobody's home," Casey tells Raph as he sits back on his heels on the fire escape. He pushes the window open and slips inside, holding his hand out to help Raph.
Raph takes Casey's hand, closes the window behind him. Casey's apartment is smaller than his place, it being only him and his parents living there.
Casey has Raph sit on the bathroom counter, legs dangling over the edge as Casey rummages around for a first-aid kit.
"With how clumsy you are, I'd think it would be easier to find," Raph says as Casey mumbles to himself in frustration.
"I just rub some dirt on it, dude," Casey replies, letting out a pleased sound when he finds the red kit in the very back of the cabinet.
"Okay, take your shirt off," Casey commands, flipping the first-aid kit open to survey its contents.
Raph hesitates, shoulders tensing.
"Promise you won't be upset?" he asks, flexing his jaw.
"Upset is an understatement. If they busted up your ribs I'm gonna be pissed," Casey replies almost jokingly, before seeing the look on Raph's face.
"Not upset at them. At me," Raph says.
"Wha...?"
Raph slips his long sleeved shirt off, revealing angry red slashes up and down his forearms, some scarred, some fresh. Casey steps forward, taking Raph's left arm into his hands with a frown on his face.
"I wish you wouldn't do this to yourself," he almost whispers. Raph swallows thickly.
"If I don't take it out on myself," he says. "I'll take it out on the people I love."
"Well, soon you won't have anything to take out on anybody," Casey says sternly, grabbing the hydrogen peroxide and starting with Raph's palms.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Raph questions, wincing quietly at the stinging sensation.
"We're gonna beat those guys up so badly, they'll be crying for their moms, man," Casey smiles, like he can already hear the sound.
"Listen, Case, I don't know how to tell you this - but five is bigger than two," Raph replies sarcastically, biting his tongue once Casey takes the hydrogen peroxide higher, up to his forearms.
"Yeah," Casey says.
"But six is bigger than five."
