The forest was cold at night, the icy wind roamed through Noelle's skin and it was getting her distracted. She wished she had remembered to bring a warmer outfit, she didn't know the weather would be like this, but if she came back now she might wake someone up, and she didn't want anyone to know what she was doing.
She'd been staying late for months now so she could train her powers, she did it at least three times a week. When she joined the Black Bulls, she thought her companions were weak and useless, but now it seemed that all of them were already more trained and more evolved than her, whose grimoire was slim and almost empty.
Sometimes she was so tired the next morning that she ended up being late for squad activities, which made her friends worried, they asked her what was going on, but she didn't want to tell. If they knew how much effort she was putting into to get so little result, they would think she was weak, and she couldn't stand being weak anymore, so until her magic gets better, she could at least pretend to be tough.
— Water Creation Magic: Sea Dragon's Cradle!
Noelle closed her eyes, trying to focus only on the rustling of the trees around her and the image of her spell being performed. She could feel the magic flowing from her chest to her fingertips, her feet lifted off the floor. It looked like it was working.
She opened one eye slightly, curious to see if the magic was taking shape, but the moment she did, everything fell apart and water sprayed everywhere.
— Damn, that shitting spell! — she exclaimed, throwing her wand far away.
It was already late, she couldn't say how much time had passed since the moment she ran out of bed to go to the forest, she should go back now. What she was doing was useless anyway. No matter how hard she tried, she would never make it.
She had a theory of why she couldn't concentrate. She had been thinking about Asta a lot lately, more than usual, which had bothered her before, but now it was unbearable.
She thought the "special person" he was referring to in the conversation with Rebecca was her, but one day when they went to Asta's village to visit his family, she found out that it was someone else all this time, one of the nuns that raised him. He'd asked her to marry him countless times, but she'd always say no, and apparently that day was the ultimate rejection as he's been acting different ever since.
He always seemed happy (Obviously. It was Asta, what was she expecting?), but she felt something was wrong. Was it really okay? She couldn't quite read him, it was difficult to know what he was thinking behind that smile. Had he already forgotten all of that? After all, it had been quite a while since it happened, and deep down he should have known he wouldn't marry the nun anyway.
But even so, knowing that this whole time it wasn't about her, it hurts, hurts more than she'd rather admit.
Noelle went under one of the trees to get her wand back. She would walk away from there and try again tomorrow.
No. A voice stated in her head. Asta's voice. You won't give up now, Noelle, just try one more time!
She grabbed her wand and returned to her position, her grimoire opened and she took a deep breath.
—I'm not done yet! Water Creation Spell: Cradle of the Sea Dragon!
Noelle tried to clear her mind, concentrating only on the magic flowing from her body. Soon, her feet were off the ground and she could feel water everywhere. She was afraid to open her eyes, but she opened them anyway, and this time nothing came undone.
It was working.
— I… I did it! I can't believe it finally worked!
— AH YEAH, NOELLE!! — shouted a voice in the background. Noelle turned quickly in fright to see Asta hiding among the bushes.
— A-sta!? What are you doing here? — she asks as he stands up, approaching her.
— Oh, ya know, I didn't have much time to train today, captain Yami kept telling me to do a lot of chores, and as I was too restless to sleep, I decided to come train in the wee hours, but I saw you here and then...
— You weren't supposed to see that, don't you know how rude it is to spy on people like that?
— I know, I'm sorry
He placed both hands on her shoulder. She didn't understand how such heavy hands could feel so soft.
Noelle felt her face blush. He was too close.
— But you did it, it was amazing, Noelle. I am very happy for...
— Hey, what do you think you're doing? She shoved him away with a punch.
— Oh, that one hurt!
— That is for you to learn never to do that again!
She crossed her arms. Asta was quiet for a few seconds, it looked like he was hesitant to say something.
— Why do you always do this? — he said at last.
— This what? Don't piss me off today Bakasta!
— Most of the time I don't care, but I've always wanted to know what's wrong. — he continued. — Every time I try to approach you or compliment you, you hit me and push me away. I thought this would get better with time, but we've known each other for months. What is wrong with me?
Noelle was surprised, she didn't expect this reaction from him, let alone such a sudden question. She didn't know he felt that way about her.
— I… I have nothing against you…
— I don't get it. If you have nothing against me then why do you act like this? I mean, you're more or less like that with others, but with me it's much more.
— T-That's because they're not as annoying as you are! And stop asking so many questions, have you decided to use your brain now?
Her words came out without thinking, she was already used to treating him like that, she couldn't say why, she just knew that she was very nervous now, her heart was beating fast, she just wanted this conversation to end at once.
— Hey! I have a brain, okay? It may not work very well at times, but... — he replied. — Never mind, I don't need to know. I'll leave you alone to train, I want to see if I can sleep now.
Asta turns around and walks in the opposite direction. He looked frustrated, she didn't want him to be mad at her, she couldn't bear it, but the only way that wouldn't happen would be to confess everything, and she gets a chill down her spine just by thinking about that possibility, she didn't want to admit it even to herself.
"What would Vanessa do?" She found herself thinking. The two had a conversation about this before, shortly after Asta was definitively rejected by Lily, she was confused and needed to vent to someone, even if it was to not give too many details.
— Vanessa, have you ever found yourself in a situation where you can't stop thinking about someone?
— In what way?
— Like how that person annoys you but you can't stay away from them.
— You mean in a romantic way then? — Noelle felt her heart beat faster. Was that what it meant? No, she couldn't be...
— It's not romantic! It's just... It's just that I...
— Yes, I got it. I've felt it too.
— And how did you… what did you do? I mean: Assuming… it's just an assumption, okay? Assuming I… f-feel this way about someone, but he's been into someone else for a long time, what do you think I have to do?
— Do you know if he still likes her? Or if she likes him?
— She doesn't like him, I don't know if he still likes her...
— Then I think you have to tell him. — she responded. How could she say that so naturally? It was the last thing Noelle was thinking of doing.
— T-Tell? How am I going to tell him? What if he rejects me, what if he never wants to talk to me or be my friend again?
— Asta would never do that.
Her face was now blushing really hard. How could she know it was Asta? Had she left too much on her face? But she always managed to hide it so well, at least that's what she thought.
— A-sta? W-who says I'm talking about him? I don't like Asta, he's just a stupid insect, I already said it's all hypothetical!
— Hum... ok then — She flashed a suggestive smile. — But anyway, you won't know the truth if you don't try, maybe he never looked at you that way before and it could change once you tell him. Trust me, if you don't then it might be too late and you'll regret not saying it sooner.
[…]
— Asta, wait.
Her voice went like a whisper, but it was enough for him to hear, he hadn't walked that far. Her hand was shaking, so she clenched it into a fist, she had to find a way to control her nervousness.
— What is it? Did you remember anything else to say about me?
What now? There was no going back, she would have to say it, but she didn't even know how to start.
— You don't understand, do you? How can you be so dumb?
— Please stop that already! I'm only nice to you and you...
— How can you not see? You should already know why I act like this around you
Come on, Asta, don't make me say it. She thought, what she was doing was already embarrassing enough.
— How am I supposed to know? I have no magic power of any kind, let alone to guess what's going on in your...
It wouldn't help, he was really that dumb.
— I LIKE YOU, YOU MORON!
Asta was quiet, he didn't seem to have understood what it meant.
— Well, at least I t-think so, I don't know it yet.
— Do you mean… as a friend?
— No, you fool, not as a friend.
Asta stares at her trying to process the information, not knowing what to say. Noelle feels her entire face burning. She didn't want to look at him, at the moment she only whished she had earth magic so she could open a hole and hide.
— Damn it, I shouldn't have told you this, but you kept pushing me so hard I had no choice.
— Since… since when do you feel this way?
— I'm not sure, I think since our first mission.
— All this time… I never imagined you could… I had no idea.
— I know you didn't. — she said. It was obvious he didn't know, Asta was never very smart, specially with this kind of thing. — I never told you because… well, it's very embarrassing. People would laugh at me, you could act bad, stop talking to me and I wouldn't take it and I'd have to change squads and go back home to my brothers who hate me and then...
— Hey, Noelle, calm down. — He puts his hands on her shoulder. Noelle felt an urge to push him away, but she didn't this time. — You know I wouldn't do that!
— Yeah, I've been told that. She lets out a laugh.
— You're my friend, and although you can be a little scowling at times, I'm not going to turn my back on you. — He sighs, letting go of her shoulder. — but I… it's just that everything that happened was very recent, you know? With sister Lily. I always thought I would marry her one day and now the weight that it will never really happen has left me broken. You understand it, right?
— Yes I understand. — she smiles — Oof! At least I got it all out, it's like a giant weight has been lifted off my back.
— I'm glad you feel that way. — he said. — So, are we all right?
— Of course we are.
The two walked back to the squadron headquarters. It must have been after 2 am, she could tell they'd have trouble waking up the next day. The path was being walked in silence until then.
— Hey, — Asta called out to her — since we're ok now, does that mean you won't be making fun of me anymore?
— That I can't promise, Bakasta! — she says with a smile.
Noelle gives him a light shove on the shoulder and he fights back, both of them smiling.
When they reach her room, she says goodbye to Asta and enters, throwing herself on her bed. Soon, she felt everything she was holding into her crashing down at once. Even though she had a pessimistic view of when she'd confess herself to him, there was a part of her that believed it could work, that wanted to believe Vanessa's words that he might start to like her if he knew, but now she had the definitive answer.
He never liked her, not the way she wanted him to.
She let the pillow muffle her tears, crying softly so Asta couldn't hear from the next room.
Yeah I know, that ending was a bit harsh but it'll get better, I promise.
I want to know your thoughts on this first chapter, did you like it? It has been some time since the last time I wrote something.
Also, sorry if I got some of the words wrong, english is not my first language, in fact this is the first english fanfiction I've ever published, I just wanted to try because I watched the whole anime in english, so I don't know how some things would be translated to my language.
I see you guys soon!
