Kate was lost in thought when Jay and Hailey greeted her the next morning, her head snapping up from where she had been stirring her coffee for at least five minutes. Giving her head a slight shake in an effort to clear the fog, she moved back out into the bullpen to take her seat, carefully lowering herself into the chair with a wince.

Thankfully she hadn't been needed back at the district after the class yesterday so she'd gone straight home, curled up on her sofa and that was where she stayed until the early hours of the morning. She was exhausted, anxious and her head felt like it was being squeezed in a vice.

"Hey, how'd that self-defence class go yesterday?" Kate looked up to see Hailey spinning around in her chair to face her. "Heard through the grapevine you did an awesome job."

"Oh yeah? I think it went okay. I forgot how taxing those classes were though." She joked, teeing up an excuse should anyone notice that she was moving more gingerly than normal.

Before Hailey could respond, Kate's cellphone rang.

"Meadows."

"Good morning Ms Meadows. This is Lucy calling from Doctor Benning's office. I just wanted to let you know that Doctor Benning has had a cancellation this afternoon and she wanted to know if you'd like to move your check up to one thirty today?"

"Oh sure, no problem. Thank you for the call."

Just as she hung up the phone, Hank's office door swung open and Alvin emerged, his face looking tired and strained. Noticing that Hank was still seated at his desk, she approached the doorway and knocked gently on the frame, waiting for him to beckon her in.

"Yeah, what's up?"

He briefly glanced in her direction before turning his attention back to the papers on his desk, scribbling something at the bottom of one page.

"I-uh-need to take some personal time this afternoon."

That seemed to draw him away from whatever he was working on as his eyes darted up to scan her form, taking a quick inventory before meeting her eyes.

"Everything alright?"

She could tell from the look on his face that he was concerned but she wouldn't give him the easy out of elaborating any more than necessary.

"Yeah, fine. Thanks Sarg."

With that, she turned on her heel and returned to her desk, burying herself in work until one o'clock rolled around and she made her way across town to her doctor's office, waiting in the little reception area to be called in.

"Ms Meadows?"

Kate's eyes flicked to the genial face of Dr Amanda Benning, getting to her feet and following her down the hall to a consulting room. When she was seated in the hard, plastic chair, Dr Benning turned to her with a smile.

"How are you doing Kate? It's been a while."

Kate shifted, the uncomfortable feeling she always got when she was in a medical environment trickling down her spine, ironic given the amount of time she spent there because of the occupational hazards associated with her job.

"Truthfully, I've been feeling a bit…off…for a few weeks now."

The doctor tapped away on the keyboard, muttering a 'hmm' every now and then as Kate spoke.

"So this 'off' feeling. Is it tiredness, nausea, anxiousness?"

"All of the above if I'm honest. Things at work have been particularly stressful so maybe I'm just worrying over nothing?"

"Maybe…but let's get some blood drawn and run some tests, see if we can rule out the usual suspects and go from there, alright?"

Five minutes later, Kate was holding a piece of cotton into the crease of her elbow as Doctor Benning threw her latex gloves into the trash.

"I'll have the results to you as soon as I can but please…" she rested a hand lightly on Kate's forearm. "…try not to worry."

On the way back to the district, Kate stopped by her favourite smoothie shop and ordered her usual mango and passionfruit cooler, the chilled beverage settling her anxious stomach as she climbed the steps to the intelligence bullpen.

The rest of the day passed relatively uneventfully. They had minimal leads on their suspect but, now that they had their warrant, Kate had enough cell phone data to sort through to keep her occupied for the rest of the afternoon so she bunkered down to get the task done. Just as she was about to leave later that evening, she once again knocked on the door to Hank's office, this time entering without permission and shutting the door behind her.

"Hey." She said quietly, coming to a stop in front of his desk. He leaned back in his chair, both hands scrubbing over his face.

"You okay?"

He nodded, the forced half-smile on his face not quite reaching his eyes.

"So, uh, are you coming home tonight?"

She hated how needy her voice sounded even to her own ears. She hated just how much not being in his arms every night affected her. And more than anything, she hated how he could treat her so coldly and still she stood practically begging for him to come back to her.

"I'll try, I got some things I need to do."

She wasn't surprised by his noncommittal response but it didn't stop the sting that once again zipped through her chest. With a nod, she turned on her heel and left without another word. How she made it home in one piece through the torrent of tears she'll never know. After a hot shower and a light dinner, she curled up under a blanket on the couch, suddenly not able to bear the thought of spending yet another night tossing and turning. She was flicking through the channels aimlessly when her phone vibrated on the coffee table.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Kate, it's Doctor Benning."

Kate pushed herself into a seated position, her mind already jumping to the worst possible conclusion given the late hour of the call.

"Doctor Benning, is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine. I wanted to give you a call before I left the surgery for the evening. Your blood results came back an hour ago and I believe I have the underlying cause of your symptoms."

Kate held her breath, all kinds of fatal diagnoses running through her mind.

"You're pregnant."

Kate's lungs deflated with a whoosh of air and no matter how hard she tried, they refused to be re-inflated.

"I'm…what?" She croaked, heart hammering in her chest.

"You're pregnant. I'd say about nine or ten weeks along."

"No, that…that's not possible. I…We haven't-"

They had always been careful when it came to contraception, rarely had she and Hank engaged in intercourse without a condom and, on the odd occasion that they did, he would always pull out before reaching his end. Admittedly, it wasn't the most effective form of birth control but Kate tracked her cycles, she knew when to insist on a different form of contraception.

'Well, obviously fucking not Katherine.'

Then it hit her like a freight train.

The time she'd jumped him on the way back from her dinner date with Sam. He most definitely had not pulled out on that occasion.

'Pregnant. How the fuck am I going to tell Hank?'

Doctor Benning was twittering in her ear about pre-natal vitamins and the 'dos and don'ts' of pregnancy but it was white noise, the only thing spinning through her mind was that she wasn't even sure if they still had a relationship at this point. He hadn't outright said that they were over but the not so subtle hints were clear enough.

"Kate, are you still there?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here."

"Ok, well I've left a script at reception for you and I'll schedule in your regular prenatal check-ups. I'd like to see you in the next few days for an initial ultrasound scan, just to make sure everything is as expected."

Kate nodded, oblivious to the fact the doctor couldn't see her body language through the phone, thanked her once again before ending the call.

Pregnant.

She was pregnant.

With Hank Voight's baby.

What the fuck was she going to do? She sat there in a daze for at least an hour, staring unseeingly at the muted TV screen.

They had been reckless. She had been reckless. If she hadn't been such a fucking slut they wouldn't be in this position. The rising tide of anxiety was threatening to drown her, her pulse racing and palms becoming sweaty. She closed her eyes and focused on taking slow, deep, calming breaths. She briefly considered not telling him at all but that was only a temporary solution. The time would come where she wouldn't be able to hide it and, short of leaving Chicago, she didn't have much a choice but to come clean.

'Am I even ready to be a Mom?'

Kate spent most days staring down the barrel of a multitude of dangerous situations as though it was the most natural thing in the world. But this? This was so far out of her comfort zone it had an International area code.

Planned or not, she was on this road now so she supposed she better use the next six months to get used to the idea. If Hank decided that he didn't want to be a part of their life then that was entirely his decision to make, she wouldn't force him one way or the other.

Later that night when she finally forced herself to bed and slipped between the sheets, she shifted onto his side of the bed and buried her face in his pillow, the scent of him still lingering on the soft linen, lulling her into a restless sleep.

When Hank unlocked the door to his house in the wee hours of the morning, he closed the door with the heel of his boot and tossed the keys onto the sideboard. The FBI were building a case against Alvin and it was only a matter of time before they had enough to arrest him. One single strand of hair. Every avenue he tried, every favour he called in led him nowhere. He was running out of options fast. His mind wandered to Kate. He knew he was breaking her heart. He could see it in her eyes every time he looked at her, the beautiful bright light he loved so much dimming with every rejection.

He was doing exactly what he promised himself he wouldn't do and he hated himself for it.

But if he ended up going down for Bingham's murder, he needed to make sure she was as far away from him as possible when it happened. Pouring himself a generous measure of scotch, he knocked the liquid back in three big mouthfuls, immediately refilling the glass. She might not thank him now but she would in the long run. He loved her so much, more than he ever thought possible. He had to do what he could to protect her.

Downing the rest of his scotch, he refilled his glass for the third time before shuffling across the room, coming to a stop in front of the sideboard filled with picture frames.

Camille. Justin. Erin. Alvin.

He was the cancerous nexus between them all.

Then his eyes fell onto the last and most recent picture, his heart aching painfully in his chest. Hank had his arm outstretched, his phone out of shot but the obvious source of the picture. His arm was looped around Kate's shoulder as he smiled up at the camera, the backdrop of the Statue of Liberty behind them. But it wasn't really his own image or the scenery he was looking at, it was her. Her hand was resting on his chest, the very tips of her index and middle fingers brushing against the hollow of his throat.

If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough, he could still feel her warm touch on his skin. The idea of not having her hands on him ever again felt like a dull blade slicing through the centre of his chest.

Refocusing on the picture, his eyes settled on her face. She wasn't looking at the camera, instead she was gazing up at him with a look of such love and adoration. It never failed to amaze him how a woman like her could feel the way she did for someone like him. But he'd fucked it up. Completely and utterly. With a roar of anguish, he hurled the glass in his hand towards a nearby wall, the satisfying smash muffled by the blood pounding in his ears.

When Kate arrived in the bullpen the next morning, she knew she looked like hell but she ignored the pointed looks she received from Kim and Kevin as she passed them to get a cup of green tea, swapping out her usual brew with a herbal alternative as per the doctor's orders. It wouldn't be long until they noticed the subtle changes and put two and two together but, frankly, she couldn't care less at this moment. Gripping the ceramic handle and turning to head back to her desk, she almost ran headlong into Alvin who had suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Jesus Christ Al!? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

He simply looked her over, his face tense, eyes taking in her tired, puffy features. Taking another step towards her, he reached out and placed his warm palm on her cheek, thumb brushing over the dark circle beneath her eye.

"Don't give up on him."

Kate let out a shaky breath and her eyes squeezed shut, his pleading words driving a stake through her chest. The man in front of her loved Hank just as much as she did and, despite the fact that she had no idea what was going on, she knew he was starting off down a path that she wasn't sure she could follow him down.

Opening her eyes, she silently begged him to tell her what to do.

"He won't let me in, Al. I don't know what else to do."

He shushed her, raising his other hand to cup her face fully in his palms, bringing their faces close together.

"Just…be there for him…if I can't. Alright? Can you do that?"

"Al, what's going on?" She whispered, eyes filling once again with unshed tears.

"Promise me."

The man before her had, over the course of a year, become a mentor and a friend. Alvin was always someone she could rely on if she needed help or advice and, right now, he was the only one she could turn to.

"I'm pregnant, Al."

His eyes widened at her whispered admission.

"I'm pregnant and I don't know how to tell him."

He gently pulled her head forward to rest on his chest, holding her close as she took comfort from his familiar embrace. Cognizant of the presence of the rest of the unit, Alvin took her by the shoulders and lifted her away from him, his eyes locking on hers before speaking.

"You're the best thing that's happened to him in a long time. But unfortunately he's a self-destructive bastard. Don't give up. You just gotta hang in there, kid."

With that, he pulled her forward and planted a scratchy kiss on her forehead. Then he was gone and Kate was left alone in the kitchen, turning everything Alvin had said over in her mind.

She couldn't hold off anymore, she had to tell him.

Kate had barely gotten one foot out of the kitchen when Agent North and two of his colleagues appeared at the top of the stairs, closely followed by a stony faced Trudy.

"What the hell do you want?" Hank growled, stalking between the desks, stopping just shy of breaching North's personal space.

"Easy Sergeant, we aren't here for you."

His cold eyes slid towards Alvin, a dangerous smirk on his mouth and Hank felt his heart lurch into his throat.

He was out of time.

"Alvin Olinsky. You are under arrest for the murder of Kevin Bingham."

Kate's jaw dropped open and she almost lost her grip on the mug in her hand, the ceramic dangling precariously from her numb fingers. She watched as the two agents with North moved towards Alvin, relieving him of his gun and badge in front of a stunned Intelligence Unit. She watched as Hank stepped forward, leaning close to Alvin and muttering something unintelligible before the agents escorted him out.

North closed the space between himself and Hank, a smug expression on his face, taking enjoyment from the simmering rage emitting from Hank.

"You let me know when you're ready to talk Sergeant. You know where to find me."

Turning on his heel, he disappeared down the stairs, all eyes turning to Hank pointedly ignored them all and returned to his office.

"What the fuck just happened?" Adam muttered, his handsome face a picture of concern for both his boss and his mentor.

Naturally the team looked towards Kate for answers but the look on her face immediately told them that she was as much in the dark as they were. Taking a deep breath, she placed her mug on the corner of her desk pushed down the door handle to Hank's office. He had his back to her when she entered but he whipped around at the sound of the blind tapping against the glass.

"What!?"

Kate flinched at his bluntness, noting with sadness how his eyes remained hard when he looked at her. It wasn't too long ago that her presence in his office would bring a smile to his lips and a spark of happiness to his eyes.

"What do you want Meadows?"

The last few weeks of pent up anger, stress and anxiety consumed her like a tidal wave. His tone was the final straw.

"I want you to tell me what the hell's going on?"

He closed his eyes, turning to keep his back to her because he knew the look in her eyes would ruin him.

"You've got to let me in, Hank. Please, let me help-"

"I haven't got to do a damn thing!" He roared, the cold fury on his face forcing her to take a step back as he spun to face her. Only this time, he didn't stop. "I never asked for any of this! I never asked for you!"

Kate recoiled as though he'd slapped her in the face.

'He doesn't want me anymore.'

Silence echoed around his office, Hank's chest heaving, Kate's not moving at all.

She desperately tried to pull up the armour he'd spent months wearing down but she knew full well that her eyes would give her away.

She needed to get out whilst she was still able to cling to the shattered shards of her heart. Defiant tears welled in her eyes as she straightened her spine. Squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin, she prayed that her voice remained steady.

"Well. At least we've cleared that up."

She turned on her heel and left the room, stalking between the rows of desks and down the steps until she vanished out of sight. Having heard every word, the rest of the unit were watching the scene unfold with wide eyes.

Kim and Hailey stood near the whiteboard, the two women sending disgusted looks in Hank's direction. Ruzek had his hands on Atwater's chest, doing his best to placate Kate's partner who looked like he wanted nothing more than to rip Hank's head off with his bare hands. Jay simply looked disappointed.

He couldn't blame them.

This is what they needed to understand. This is what she needed to understand.

The man she had taken into her bed had simply been a mirage, an illusion of the man he so desperately wanted to be. For her. For himself. But his past would always be right there behind him, the darkness within bubbling dangerously just underneath the surface.

Watching the beautiful light in her eyes that he loved so much dim to nothingness, he felt an intense sense of self-loathing but, as much as it was hurting right now, she was better off alone than with a man like him.