Lizzie's Redemption

Chapter Four

Lizzie dreamt about Raven that night and woke up the following morning with an ever bigger determination to ride.

In the dream, Raven's leg was healed and they had a telepathic conversation about what had happened to him. Raven had reassured Lizzie that he didn't blame her or hold it against her for pushing him to take that jump, while giving her his blessing to ride Flicka.

She was skipping happily, almost floating, when she came into the Great Hall for breakfast and sat down at the Gryffindor table. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at Lizzie with somewhat concerned looks on their faces. She had been depressed for two weeks, now she wasn't?

"Have you taken your tablets this morning?" asked Hermione. "Yeah," said Lizzie, which she had immediately after leaving Gryffindor Tower on her way to breakfast. As she helped herself to toast, Hayden was smiling at her. "You look happy," he said. "I am," said Lizzie, spreading marmalade on her toast and pouring herself some coffee.

"Why the sudden change? You've been so depressed these past two weeks," said Hermione. Lizzie bit her lip. "I guess I finally figured out that there's no point in me continuing to dwell on Raven's death and beat myself up for it. I can't change what happened, and I can't bring him back. And to be honest, I'm tired of it living rent-free in my head."

She didn't want to immediately tell everyone withing earshot that she was going to ride again that morning. She wanted to keep it a surprise.

She bolted down breakfast as fast as she could before grabbing an apple from a bowl of fruit next to the milk jug before she got up and started to make her way out of the Hall.

"Hey! Where are you off to so quick?" asked Harry. "Hayden and I are gonna do homework by the lake," said Lizzie. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared at her. "You're going to do homework?" asked Harry. "Yep," said Lizzie. "See you guys later!"

And with that she turned on her heel and left the Great Hall.

She met Hayden in the stables as she walked to the tack room to retrieve Flicka's things, but not before changing her clothes. She had shown up at breakfast wearing her robes, and kept a change of clothes tucked underneath. Her tall boots were kept in the tack room in her locker.

As she zipped the collar of her shirt, smoothed her hair, which she had pulled into a low ponytail, and zipped up her tall boots, she stepped out of the changing room.

Hayden smiled. "You look great," said Hayden. "I didn't want to tell Harry, Ron, or Hermione that I was riding. I wanted to keep it a surprise so I made up a cover story about us doing homework," said Lizzie. Hayden raised his eyebrows. "Listen, if they knew, it would only be a matter of time before the rest of the school did."

"I get it," said Hayden. "Well, shall we?"

Lizzie nodded, grinning broadly as they walked into the tack room, and Lizzie found Flicka's saddle rack and grooming supplies.

It was too much for her to carry by herself in one trip, so Hayden helped her carry Flicka's saddle and grooming tote while Lizzie carried her breastplate, bridle, and brushing boots.

Lizzie unlatched the door to Flicka's stall as she walked in and set Flicka's grooming tote on the door and began to brush her.

Lizzie couldn't stop smiling as Hayden helped her tack up Flicka and adjusted the stirrups to the correct length for her

Lizzie put on her helmet and gloves before throwing the reins over Flicka's head and leading her out of the stall and into the arena.

They walked up to where a mounting block stood near the triple bar jump that Hayden had gone over with Jedi the other day as Hayden helped her to tighten the girth a second time before she mounted up.

Lizzie sighed deeply. She was excited but she was also nervous. She had never ridden Flicka so she really didn't know what to expect, and Lizzie was the kind of person who loved knowing what was going to happen.

"Ready?" asked Hayden, throwing the reins back over Flicka's head. "Yeah," said Lizzie. "You sound nervous," said Hayden. "I am, a little," Lizzie admitted. "Because you've never ridden Flicka before, you don't know what to expect, and you like routine?" asked Hayden. How does he do that? Lizzie thought. "Pretty much," she said as Hayden held out his hand and helped her up the mounting block.

Her heart was pounding as she held the reins and the pommel of the saddle in her right hand while using her left hand to lift her leg high enough to put her foot in the stirrup. "One….two…..three….."

As she counted, she bounced a bit in the stirrup, gaining enough momentum to swing her leg over as she gently sat in the saddle. Hayden walked over to her right and put her right foot in the stirrup.

"How does she feel?" asked Hayden. "Good, so far," said Lizzie. "All right, so, I talked with Professor McGonagall, and she told me that you were competing medium level dressage, preliminary level cross-country, and level five showjumping. Is that right?"

"Yeah, right about there," said Lizzie, taking the reins in her hands.

"Okay, so when Professor Lupin was training you, how did he have you warm up Raven?" asked Hayden. "He had me walk around the arena, rising up and down like when I trot," said. "Perfect," said Hayden. "So, go ahead and warm her up, get used to how she feels."

Lizzie nodded as she squeezed Flicka's sides with her legs and clucked at her. "Walk on, Flicka," she said as Flicka immediate began to walk as Hayden watched her.

Lizzie began to rise up and down in the saddle, like she would if she were trotting, taking care to keep her hands low, her back straight, her eyes up, heels down, and her core tight.

Hayden grinned. Part of him couldn't quite believe that Lizzie had only been riding for two years. She had the form and poise of someone who had been riding much longer than that.

"Good, now go ahead, and go into your two-point," said Hayden as Lizzie rose up and forward out of the saddle. "Keep your core tight, remember to breathe!" said Hayden. Lizzie sighed as she attempted to find a balance between keeping her core engaged, and breathe at the same time. She began to feel a dull ache in her legs, and it took everything she had not to sit back down.

"Okay, I think I've tortured you enough, you can sit," said Hayden, laughing slightly as Lizzie sat back down in the saddle. She sighed as Hayden laughed. "You okay?" he asked. "Ohh, remind me to kill you later," she said. "You haven't ridden for a while, it'll come back to you in no time," said Hayden. "All right, go ahead and take a break. Catch your breath, then let's see your trot."

"Okay," said Lizzie as she walked Flicka around the arena, breathing deeply and still keeping her core engaged, though she was beginning to feel it in her lower back where she had a significant curve in her spine.

"Okay, let's see your rising trot," said Hayden Lizzie made several fast clucking noises as Flicka picked up her trot. Lizzie immediately began to rise up and down with ever alternate stride of Flicka's trot.

Then as she looked down at Flicka's shoulders, Lizzie realized she was rising whenever Flicka's left front leg went forward when she should have been rising when Flicka's right front leg went forward.

She sat for two strides before she began rising again as Hayden nodded approvingly.

"Very nice change in diagonal, Lizzie! Good job!" he said. "Keep that trot going, only this time, I want you to sit."

Uncertain as to how smooth or how bouncy Flicka's trot was going to be, but having no desire to protest, Lizzie shrugged, and sat deep in the saddle, her heels bouncing in the stirrups, acting as a shock absorber, counteracting the bounciness of the trot, and keeping her feet in the stirrups.
Hayden watched in somewhat disbelief as Lizzie trotted around the arena, keeping her hands, low and steady across Flicka's neck as she remained completely still in the saddle. She wasn't bouncing at all.

"You can keep this energy, because I'm going to ask you to canter next," said Hayden. It was only now that Hayden mentioned cantering that Lizzie began to feel anxious, just like she had felt before her sitting trot. She wasn't entirely sure what Flicka's canter was going to feel like.

But she could tell by the confidence in Hayden's voice that he believed that she could handle it. If he didn't think she could, he wouldn't have asked.

Taking a deep breath, Lizzie sat back in the saddle, putting her left leg on the girth and her right leg back behind the girth and shifting her weight from her right seatbone to her left as Flicka immediately transitioned into a canter.

Her canter was not hard to sit to at all. In fact, it was a whole lot smoother than Raven's had been. With him, it took a while for Lizzie to find her balance and sit properly when cantering on him. But with Flicka, her canter was so smooth it was like being on a rocking horse, and took no effort to sit to at all.

Hayden was grinning broadly as he sighed and shook his head. Lizzie was riding Flicka like she had done it for years. Professor McGonagall had been right. Lizzie was a natural!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione returned to the common room after breakfast to work on their ever mounting pile of homework. Hermione was all caught up, but both Harry and Ron still were very much behind.

"She's spending a lot of time with him, don't you reckon?" asked Ron as they started on their venom antidote essay.

"Give her a break Ron," said Harry. "Lizzie's been put through the wringer this year, with Raven passing away. I think it's nice that she's made a new friend."

"But why couldn't she come and talk to us about it?" Ron demanded, as he flipped through One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi. "Because Hayden seems to understand her on a deeper level than anyone else in the school," said Hermione. "He told me about a friend he has back in Toronto. She's autistic like Lizzie. Hayden was the only one who seemed to go out of his way to study autism so he could understand and support her."

It was nice that Hayden and Lizzie connected, but at the same time, Harry couldn't help but admit to himself that Ron had a point. Lizzie was spending a great deal of time with him – so much so that she had begun to spend less and less time with the three of them.

Add to that, her overly cheerful demeanor at breakfast and her almost enthusiastic response at the idea of doing homework – that was just not normal for her. Lizzie hated doing homework, and would normally put it off for as long as she possibly could – often until the very last minute – before actually getting it done.

This was leading Harry to think that she was doing something else other than homework. And there was a way that he could check.

Harry set down his quill, got up and went up to his dormitory, retrieved the Maurader's Map from his trunk, and brought it down as he sat back down in front of the fire, scanning the little footprints that were moving every which way across the parchment, each labeled with a person's name.

"Okay, Lizzie, where did you go?" Harry muttered, his emerald green eyes scanning the worn and aged bit of parchment.

Hermione and Ron watched Harry intensely, wondering what he could possibly be looking for, until he found it.

"She in the stables!" said Harry. "What is she doing in the stables?" asked Ron. "She said she doesn't ride anymore!" "Or does she?" asked Harry, suddenly getting up, leaving his Venom Antidote essay laid out across the table and climbing out of the portrait hole as Ron and Hermione curiously followed.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione made their way down to the stable, walking straight into the arena upon entering. The first thing they saw was Hayden coaching Lizzie, as she cantered around the arena, going over jumps as she went. Lizzie had the biggest smile on her face that Harry, Ron, and Hermione had ever seen. She looked like the old Lizzie. The Lizzie that the three of them knew and loved.

"Oh, my…" gasped Hermione, not able to believe what she was seeing.

When Raven had died, Lizzie swore up and down that she was done with riding for good, and would never get on a horse again. Now she was riding? Hermione couldn't understand what had gotten into Lizzie, but it didn't really matter because there was such a big, positive difference in Lizzie now that she was back on the horse.

As she cantered around the arena, Lizzie started laughing, like she was having the time of her life. "Don't enjoy it, Liz!" Hayden joked, as he too, began to laugh. "Good, go ahead and walk."

"Easy…" said Lizzie soothingly as Flicka slowed to a walk. "Good girl, Flicka," she said, patting Flicka neck as she smiled at Hayden. "Well, how did that feel?" he asked. "Ohh, I've missed this!" sighed Lizzie happily. She looked up at the bleachers and saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione sitting there with looks of happiness and surprise on their faces.

"Hi, guys!" said Lizzie brightly, walking Flicka over to them. Harry shook his head in disbelief, grinning broadly. "Well, I never thought I'd see this!" he said. "What made you change your mind, Liz?" asked Hermione. "I realized…that not riding wasn't helping me, in terms of my mental health, and was making me more depressed, and the only way to fix that was to just bite the bullet and get back on. And I'm glad I did. I've missed it. A lot."

"I'm very proud of you, Lizzie," said Hermione. "We all are," said Ron. "Thanks," said Lizzie as Hayden walked up to her and put a hand on her leg. "All right, Lizzie. That was really good. I think that's enough for today. You can go ahead and cool her out, and I'll help you down," he said

"Okay," said Lizzie, still smiling. "Thanks for the lesson, Hayden. I had a lot of fun." "You're very welcome, I could tell," said Hayden smiling.

Still grinning broadly, Lizzie began walking Flicka around the arena as she loosened the reins a bit. Hayden walked over to where Harry, Ron, and Hermione were and leaned against the wall near the bleachers, smiling at Lizzie with his arms folded. "So," said Harry, leaning against the wall, his arms resting on the edge. "What do you think of her?" "She's amazing," said Hayden. "And she's only been riding for two years?"

Harry Ron and Hermione nodded all at once. Hayden looked stunned yet impressed. "That's incredible," he said.

As Lizzie walked around the arena, she thought about how her first lesson had gone. She was really pleased with everything she had done, and that she had appeared to have impressed Hayden, which was also very rewarding. It looked like her dream of making it to the Grand Prix was still on the table!

After cooling Flicka out for close to five minutes, she made her way to the middle of the arena and took her feet out of the stirrups, leaned forward against Flicka's neck, and swung her leg up and over the back of the saddle as she slid down.

As her feet hit the ground, she overbalanced, and would have fallen if Hayden hadn't caught her.

"Whoa! Careful!" he said, catching her as she fell backwards, and Lizzie, for the first time in the nearly three weeks that she had known Hayden, made eye contact with him.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione noticed this too, and they were amazed because all three of them knew that making and keeping eye contact was something that Lizzie struggled with.

Lizzie smiled as Hayden smiled back. "You okay?" he asked. Lizzie nodded. "Nice Jedi reflexes," she joked as Hayden laughed.

Once Lizzie had her footing again, she led Flicka out of the arena, and into her stall, as she began to untack her. "Thanks for a good ride, Flicka," said Lizzie kissing her as she unbuckled the left side of the girth, throwing it over the seat of the saddle and lifting it off Flicka's back before resting it on the door of the stall sighing contently.

Hayden walked over to Flicka's stall and watched as Lizzie ran a brush through Flicka's coat.

"Good job today, I'm really impressed," said Hayden. Lizzie turned and smiled modestly. "Y-you thought that was….good?" she asked, sounding really unsure of herself. Hayden's smile widened. "Absolutely," he said. "McGonagall was right, you are a natural!"

Lizzie blushed. "Thanks," she said.

As they walked back to the castle ten minutes later, they were talking animatedly with each other about how the lesson had gone, and what goals Lizzie had that had gone unfulfilled after Raven passed away.

"I was thinking," said Hayden as they walked. "Oh?" asked Lizzie. "There's a Hogsmeade trip the day before Halloween. I was thinking we could grab a drink at the Three Broomsticks – I was told I couldn't come to Hogwarts without trying the butterbeer – and we could get to know each other a bit better, talk about your goals for the year, and put together a lesson plan – you know how many times a week you want to ride and things like that."

"You want to train me?" asked Lizzie. "I want to help you get to the Grand Prix, you've got it in you," said Hayden. "Really?" asked Lizzie. "You really think I can do it?"

"After what I saw today," said Hayden. "I know you can."

Lizzie smiled. "No one's ever said that to me before," she said. "Usually, people just say 'be realistic, you can't do that'."

"Who exactly says this?" asked Hayden. "Malfoy and the Slytherins for one," said Lizzie. Hayden chuckled. "Figures," he said. "And some people that are no longer my friends," said Lizzie. "That was their response when I told them I was going to ride. No one thought I could do it."

"Well you sure proved them wrong!" said Hayden. Lizzie laughed. "I did, didn't I?" she asked as both of them laughed. "So, what do you say?" asked Hayden. Lizzie smiled. "Sure, I'd like that a lot," she said. "Me too," said Hayden.

With the promise of an outing with Hayden to look forward to, Lizzie emerged back into the castle in a much better mood than she had been for the past two weeks.

She was still smiling when she sat down in the Great Hall for lunch (Hayden going off to the library to finish off an overdue essay for Professor Sprout), and Harry, Ron, and Hermione having just seen Lizzie get back on a horse, and seeing her having the time of her life doing so, were smiling, if at all possible, even more.

"You look really good on Flicka today, Liz," said Harry, smiling. "She's a sweet horse," said Lizzie. "I think we're gonna be really good friends. Hayden's agreed to train me for the year."

"Really? Lizzie, that's great!" said Hermione happily. "Yeah, so I'll get to pick up where Cedric left off! I'm really excited about learning from him!"

Harry, Ron, and Hermione glanced at one another. They could not believe the transformation that Lizzie had undergone in just a few short weeks of being back at Hogwarts. And Harry couldn't help but admit to himself that it was all because she and Hayden had met.

When term began, Lizzie was still very depressed over Raven's death. After Raven was put down, Lizzie gave up riding, seemingly for good, now nearly four months later, she was not only interacting with horses again, but she was riding!

"You said when Raven died that you'd never ride again," said Hermione. "That was a mistake," said Lizzie. "So you're back then?" asked Ron. "I'm back!" said Lizzie grinning.

After lunch, Lizzie met Hayden in the library so they could work on their homework together, then back out to the stables so Hayden could ride Jedi.

Lizzie sat down at the bleachers as Hayden walked Jedi into the arena, up to the mounting block and after letting down the stirrups and tightening the girth one more time, he held the reins tightly in his hands as he put his left foot in the stirrup and swung his right leg up and over the back of the saddle, turning his right foot inward to put it in the stirrup.

He began by warming up Jedi, first at a walk, then at a trot, rising up and down with every alternate stride, just as he had Lizzie do with Flicka. He had tacked Jedi up in a dressage saddle this time with white brushing boots, white bell boots a white saddle pad and a double bridle. Hayden put his inside leg on the girth and his outside leg back behind the girth, and weight in his inside seatbone as Jedi transitioned into a canter.

They cantered down the right long side of the arena from F to H, then across C and down the centerline as Hayden held the reins in his hands while simultaneously squeezing Jedi's sides with both legs as Jedi's canter became short, higher, and more compressed, until it appeared he was cantering on the spot. Hayden sat deep in the saddle as Jedi halted dead center in the middle of the arena, all four of his hooves perfectly parallel to one another.

"Wow!" Lizzie sighed with admiration. She would love to be able to halt square like that…..

She watched Hayden trot around the arena as he rounded the corner between H and C as Jedi extended his stride as they trotted across the arena. Jedi was lifting his legs so high in the extension, it looked like he was flying.

At the end of the long diagonal Hayden collected Jedi's trot again, this time squeezing with his left leg and opening his right rein as Jedi turned his shoulder inward.

Jedi seemed like a very obedient horse and was willing to do just about anything that Hayden asked of him.

Or so it seemed.

When Hayden asked Jedi to canter, he did so, but the canter, Lizzie noticed, was very stiff, and hesitant. Jedi wasn't going into the bit, he wasn't taking weight from behind, and he just wasn't using his back. His canter had no energy to it whatsoever. And Lizzie noticed that he was kind of tossing his head, and clearly showed with his body language that he just simply was not having it.

Finally, Hayden put his leg on to ask Jedi to use his back more, and he responded with a little buck. Unfazed, Hayden used his leg again, and Jedi responded with another buck, and Hayden responded a third time with his leg, and this time, Jedi leapt into the air and reared, tossing his head. It was clear to Lizzie what Jedi was saying to Hayden: I don't want to, I don't want to, I. DON'T. WANT. TO!

Hayden held his outside rein in his hand and gave it a sharp yank, telling Jedi off, then proceeded to ask him to canter again, totally ignoring his horse's temper tantrum as Jedi cantered and Hayden continued to push him to engage his hind end more, and more, and more.

Jedi snorted and tossed his head, and to Lizzie's surprise, Hayden began laughing. But then she noticed as they went back down the long side, Jedi's canter looked a lot more forward, his head was carrying nicely and he was moving better. He was also more relaxed, and had stopped fighting Hayden, like he had given up, and was like Fine, I'm not gonna fight anymore. I'm gonna do what you want.

Hayden gave Jedi a pat of approval, and they stopped in the middle of the centerline. "Good boy, Jedi," said Hayden, patting Jedi's neck. "That wasn't so bad was it?"
He looked up and saw Lizzie looking amazed. "Stallions, what are you gonna do?" he asked as he and Lizzie laughed.

"It's not the first time he's done that," said Hayden. "I'm surprised how well you handled it," said Lizzie. "I would have been scared to death if it was me."

"Well, if this had happened when I started riding six years ago, I would have really been freaked out," said Hayden "You were laughing at some point though!" said Lizzie. "I though for sure he was going to buck you off."

"He has done that before," said Hayden. "Really?" asked Lizzie. "Yep, I broke my arm, and couldn't ride for a while," said Hayden. "Wow!" said Lizzie. "How do you stay still in the sitting trot like that?"

"Hours and hours, and hours of riding with no stirrups," said Hayden simply. Lizzie cringed. Riding with no stirrups wasn't her favorite thing to do. She would always end up being really sore afterward. "You're not going to make me do that, are you?" she asked nervously.

"You know I am," said Hayden as he laughed. "Don't worry, we'll do it together." "Okay," said Lizzie. "How do you do an extended canter?" asked Lizzie. Hayden's handsome face brightened a bit more. "Now you're talking my language, because Jedi and I love the extended canter – it's our favorite."

"Can I see what it looks like?" asked Lizzie hopefully. "That is, if Jedi wants to, of course." "Even if he doesn't, it's not up to him," said Hayden. Lizzie smiled.

Hayden turned Jedi around and applied his outside leg back and put weight in his inside seatbone and Jedi transitioned from a halt to a canter.

"Okay, so when I first learned the extended canter, I didn't do it perfect," said Hayden as he and Jedi cantered across the arena. "No way," said Lizzie, disbelieving. "I'm serious," said Hayden. "I would round the corner, collect him up and ask for the extension. And I thought I had it until I tried it for the first time at a show, and I got a four or five on my extended canter, with a comment from the judges saying, 'none shown',"

"Really?" asked Lizzie. "Mm-hmm," said Hayden, nodding. "And I was really confused by this because to me, it felt like he was extending his stride! Finally, my coach saw it for herself during a lesson, and she pulled me aside, and said to me, 'Hayden, that wasn't an extended canter.' And I have to admit I did contradict her at first. I said, 'yes it was.' And she said that Jedi hadn't even extended his stride, I had just made him go more forward. And fast doesn't equal forward any more than forward equals fast."

"Right, because forward means that the horse takes you somewhere," said Lizzie. "Very good," said Hayden, nodding approvingly. "So how did you fix it?" asked Lizzie. "I was told that I needed to think gallop when doing an extended canter," said Hayden. "My trainer said – and these were her exact words – 'Get his ass in gear, and make – him – go!"

"Did that work?" asked Lizzie. "Yeah, I'll show you…" said Hayden as he cantered down the long side across C and down toward the left corner at H, pressing his inside leg to Jedi's side and opening his inside rein as the two rounded the corner. As they went across the long diagonal, Hayden drove his seatbones into Jedi's back making him extend his stride. It was beautiful to watch. Jedi didn't just gallop – he flew – across the long diagonal and as they reached the end, Hayden switched his inside leg from on the girth to behind the girth and his outside leg from behind the girth to on the girth and Jedi, who had been leading with his right front leg, switched to his left leg as he slowed to a walk.

"Good boy, Jedi," said Hayden, patting Jedi's copper neck. "That was amazing!" said Lizzie. "Thanks," said Hayden. "You know, Hogwarts has this big end-of-term horse show in June – Wizarding schools from all over to competing in it, if you're interested?" "Have you ever competing in it?" asked Hayden.

"Once," said Lizzie, "In my third year – the same year I started riding. I made Champion."

"Why am I not surprised?" asked Hayden, smiling. "Thanks," said Lizzie appreciatively.

"But I think I should have come in third. You and Jedi would really stand out at that show!" "You think so?" asked Hayden. "Definitely," said Lizzie. Hayden's smile widened. "I'll think about it," he said, "Did you ever learn an extended canter on Raven?"

"Yeah, I did a couple of time," said Lizzie. "But I don't know if Flicka knows how."

"That's okay," said Hayden. "We'll work on it."

He walked Jedi around the arena to cool him out before dismounting and leading him out of then arena

They both made it back to Gryffindor Tower forty-five minutes later as Hermione was peering at Lizzie out from her Arithmancy textbook.

Lizzie gazed nervously in Hermione's direction. Ever since Hermione became prefect at the beginning of the year, she had been harder on Lizzie than she normally was – especially when It came to her homework.

Hermione had also come to notice just how much time Lizzie was spending with Hayden and less of it doing her homework. She still managed to scrape by, but her grades weren't nearly as good as they could be – especially with O.W.L.s coming at the end of the year.

Add to that, the fact that she had rediscovered her passion and love for riding, and that was beginning to get in the way too.

Lizzie and Hayden sat by the fireplace and began on homework. Hermione nodded approvingly. In Lizzie's direction as she returned to her Arithmancy book.

The rest of the day passed with little event. Hayden and Lizzie spent the majority of the day together eventually making their way down to the lake where they sat on the shores. It was starting to get colder now. Lizzie shivered as a light breeze picked up. She hadn't brought her cloak or anything warm with her. "Are you cold?" asked Hayden. "A little, but it's okay," said Lizzie. Hayden shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her. "Here," he said. "No, it's okay. I'm-I'm fine," said Lizzie.

"It's just a jacket. Here…" said Hayden, wrapping it around her shoulders as Lizzie pulled it tighter around her, embracing its warmth.

It smelled amazing. Lizzie inhaled deeply, breathing in the delicious scent. It smelled of tangerine, bergamot, ginger, lavender, and violet. She could also smell hints of teak and ebony wood.

"You're quiet," said Hayden. "Just thinking," said Lizzie. "What about?" asked Hayden. Desperate to think of something other than the wonderful fragrance enveloping her senses, Lizzie thought quickly, when it suddenly dawned on her that they were sitting at the same spot where she had first met Raven two years ago…..

A flood of memories overtook her almost instantly. Raven had jumped the paddock fence and Hagrid was desperately searching the grounds for him. Malfoy had been ranting and raving about how his horse wasn't being properly taken care of, and that his father would hear about it…..

"This is where I first met Raven, two years ago," said Lizzie. Hayden stared at her. "Right here, where we're sitting?" he asked. "Yep," said Lizzie. "I had gone out for a walk. It was a beautiful day, there wasn't a single cloud in the sky that day….I came down here to enjoy the weather, when I head hoofbeats behind me and I saw this black horse come out of the trees – he was heading straight for me…"

"Raven?" asked Hayden. "Yeah," said Lizzie. "I slowly got up from where I was sitting and just…stared at him – there was a part of me that couldn't believe what I was seeing, I had never seen a horse on the Hogwarts grounds before – He was coming closer and closer to me, and as he came right up on me, I overbalanced and fell over as I hit the ground, he reared up on his hind legs like I had startled him, and he began pawing at the ground and snorting. It was my first real experience with a horse…"

"Before that you'd never been around them?" asked Hayden. "I rode a pony once when I was two at a fair with my Mum and Dad, but that's it," said Lizzie. "I remember thinking how beautiful he was….he reminded me of The Black Stallion…."

"Oh, I love that movie!" said Hayden brightly.

"Mm-hmm," said Lizzie. "Mum let me watch that when I was six, so I kind of already had a bit of a fondness for black horses, so…Anyway, I uh, got up again slowly started to walk up to him, and as I got close, he suddenly dropped his head, and actually let me pet him. It was amazing. He went from being this wild stallion to a calm and gentle horse in a matter of two seconds. I later found out from Hagrid that Raven had never been that calm around anyone. He could never get Raven to trust anyone apart from him.

"But he trusted you?" asked Hayden. Lizzie nodded, smiling. "The funny thing though is that at the time that we met, Raven was Draco Malfoy's horse."

Hayden scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Figures," he said. Lizzie smiled. "I'm sure you've figured out by now the reason why he's gone out of his way to be so horrible to me this year – and the previous four."

Hayden nodded. "In his mind you killed his horse, even though Raven belonged to you," he said. "Mm-hmm," said Lizzie.

She got up and took a flat stone from the ground in her hand as she threw it, hoping to skip it, but instead, it dropped into the water with a little splash.

Smiling, Hayden got up and picked up another small flat stone in his hand and tossed it into the lake as it skimmed the surface of the water. "Showoff," said Lizzie, picking up another stone.

"Here," said Hayden, standing behind her, and holding her hand in his. "Hold it like this….."

He gently clenched Lizzie's middle, ring, and pinky fingers, making a partial fist, while setting the rock on top of her middle finger as she held it firmly in place with her thumb, holding her index finger around the edges of the rock.

"Good, now stand at a slight angle, like this…" he turned at a fifteen degree angle with his right arm facing the water, keeping his feet shoulder-width apart, his knees slightly bent. "Hold you arm out to the side like this and hold the rock parallel to the ground," he said as he did so. Lizzie nodded, watching him intently.

"Then you pull your arm back, bending you wrist backward, then throw your arm out in front of you….."

Lizzie tried it several times, but couldn't seem to get it. Every rock she tried to skip dropped into the water with loud splashes.

Finally out of frustration, Lizzie grabbed another smooth, flat rock, and there it into the water and to her astonishment, it skipped across the surface of the lake.

"Lizzie, you did it!" said Hayden happily. "I – didn't see that coming," said Lizzie. She looked up and saw the same winged creature that had pulled the carriages at the beginning of the year, fly over the lake.

"Did you see that?" asked Lizzie. "What?" asked Hayden. "That!" said Lizzie, pointing out over the lake as the winged skeletal horse with batlike wings as it descended beneath the trees.

"I don't see anything," said Hayden. "Lizzie, there's nothing there."

Lizzie stared confused as she watched the winged creature disappear beneath the trees.

The weekend went by far too quickly for Lizzie's liking, and before she knew it, It was Monday as she sat through her morning lessons.

Desperate to avoid another detention, she did not speak to or look at Professor Umbridge all through Defense Against the Dark Arts, and managed to make it through the day without having to spend hours slitting open her hand, and making the numbness and paralysis worse.

She still hadn't told anyone that had developed nerve damage in her hand from the detentions, and it only seemed to get worse every day, yet she still refused to tell anyone. She wasn't going to give Umbridge the satisfaction. She could hardly hold her wand to perform a Vanishing Spell because her hand felt almost completely numb and she had a pins-and-needles sort of pain shooting through it.

Her hand was shaking as she struggled to hold a spoon at breakfast on Tuesday as Harry, Ron, and Hermione all took notice of her loss of motor function.

"If you're losing the use of your hand, you need to tell Madame Pomfrey," said Hermione over the edge of the Daily Prophet she was holding in her hands. "No," said Lizzie firmly. She had spent nearly six years at Hogwarts being coddled and infantilized by everyone in the school. Virtually everyone thought that because Lizzie was disabled, she couldn't take care of herself; and she was desperate to prove them wrong.

As they traipsed down to the grounds for Care of Magical Creatures, Lizzie was surprised to see Professor Umbridge with her clipboard waiting for them beside Professor Grubbly-Plank.

"You do not usually take this class, is that correct?" Harry and Lizzie heard her ask, as they arrived at the trestle table where the group of captive bowtruckles were scrabbling around for wood lice like so many living twigs.

"Quite correct," said Professor Grubbly-Plank, hands behind her back and bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I am a substitute teacher standing in for Professor Hagrid."

Harry and Lizzie exchanged uneasy looks with each other. Malfoy was whispering with Crabbe and Goyle; he would surely love this opportunity to tell tales of Hagrid to a Ministry official.

"Hmm," said Umbridge, dropping her voice, though both Harry and Lizzie could hear her quite clearly. "I wonder – the headmaster seems strangely reluctant to give me any information on the matter – can you tell me what is causing Professor Hagrid's very extended leave of absence?"

Lizzie saw out of the corner of her eye, Malfoy look up eagerly.

" 'Fraid I can't," said Professor Grubbly-Plank breezily. "Don't know anything more about it than you do. Got an owl from Dumbledore, would I like a couple weeks' of teaching work, accepted – that's as much as I know. Well…shall I get started then?"

"Yes, please do," said Professor Umbridge scribbling upon her clipboard.

Umbridge took a different tack in this class and wandered among the students, questioning them on magical creatures, Lizzie tried to stay as far away from Umbridge as possible and not make eye contact with her. Not that it mattered much.

Many people were able to answer well and both Harry's and Lizzie's spirits lifted somewhat at least the class wasn't letting Hagrid down.

"Overall," said Professor Umbridge, returning to Professor Grubbly-Plank's side after a lengthy interrogation of Dean Thomas, "how do you, as temporary member of staff – an objective outsider, I suppose, you might say – how do you find Hogwarts? Do you feel you received enough support from the school management?"

"Oh, yes, Dumbledore's excellent," said Professor Grubbly-Plank heartily. "No, I'm very happy with the way things are run, very happy indeed."

Looking politely incredulous, Umbridge made a tiny not on her clipboard and went on. "And what are you planning to cover with the class this year – assuming of course, that Professor Hagrid does not return?"

"Oh, I'll take them through the creatures tha most come up in O.W.L.," said Professor Grubbly-Plank. "Not much left to do -they've studied unicorns, and nifflers, I thought we'd cover porlocks, and kneazles, make sure they can recognize crups and knarls, you know….."

"Well, you certainly seem to know what you're doing at any rate," said Professor Umbridge, making a very obvious tick on her clipboard. Both Harry and Lizzie didn't like the emphasis she put on "you" and liked it even less when she put her next question to Goyle.

"Now, I hear that there have been injuries in this class?"

Goyle gave a stupid grin and Malfoy hastened to answer the question. "That was me," he said. "I was slashed by a hippogriff,"

"A hippogriff," said Professor Umbridge, now scribbling frantically. "Only because he was too stupid to listen to what Hagrid told him to do!" said Harry angrily. "What did he think was going to happen? He got what he deserved!" Lizzie snapped.

Both Ron and Hermione groaned. Professor Umbridge turned her head slowly to face Harry and Lizzie's direction, though she focused her gaze directly at Lizzie. "Another nights' detention for the both of you, I think," she said softly. Lizzie sighed heavily. Now she was wishing that she hadn't said anything. The cut on the back of her hand was so deep already. Hayden's going to kill me, she thought dully.

"Well, thank you, very much Professor Grubbly-Plank, I think that's all I need here. You will be receiving the results of your inspection within ten days,"

"Jolly good," said Professor Grubbly-Plank and Professor Umbridge set of back across the lawn to the castle.

It was nearly midnight when both Harry and Lizzie left Umbridge's office that night, both of their hands now bleeding so badly that it was staining the gauze bandage that she had wrapped around both her and Harry's hands.

They expected the common room to be empty when they returned, but Ron, Hermione and Hayden were sitting up waiting for them.

Lizzie smiled as she approached Hayden who was disposed to be sympathetic rather than critical upon hearing that Lizzie had gotten detention for a third time. "Here," he said, pushing a small bowl of yellow liquid toward her. "It's a solution of strained and pickled murtlap tentacles, it should help a lot better than the Dittany did…"

Hayden slowly unwrapped the gauze from her hand and gently lowered it into the bowl. Lizzie sighed contentedly as she experienced a wonderful feeling of relief. "Ohh, God bless you, Hayden!" she sighed. Hayden smiled back. "I still think you should tell someone," he said.
"No," said Lizzie flatly. "McGonagall would do her nut if she knew….." said Harry as Hermione treated his hand with the same murtlap essence. "Yeah, she probably would," said Lizzie.

Since her first two detentions, Educational Decree Number Twenty-Three naming Umbridge High Inquisitor of Hogwarts had been passed. "And how long d'you reckon it'll be before Umbridge passes another Decree that says anyone who complains about the High Inquisitor gets sacked?"

"She's a horrible person," said Hayden. "Horrible, you know, Liz, I was saying to Ron and Hermione before you and Harry came in that we need to do something about her."

"I suggested poison," said Ron grimly. "And I told Ron that seemed a bit extreme," said Hayden. "I meant something about what a dreadful teacher she is, and how we are going to learn any defense from her at all."

"Well, it's too late for that, isn't it?" asked Lizzie. "She's already got the job. Nothing we can do now. She's here to stay. Fudge'll make damn sure of that…"

"Well," said Hermione tentatively. "You know, I was thinking today…" she gave a nervous look at Harry, then Hayden, then plunged in. "I was thinking that – maybe the time's come when we should just – just do it ourselves."

"Do what?" asked Lizzie. "Well – learn Defense Against the Dark Arts ourselves," said Hermione. "Come off it," groaned Ron. "You want to do extra work? D'you realize that Harry, Lizzie, and I are behind on homework again, and it's only the third week?"

"I didn't think there was anything in the universe more important than homework," said Hayden. "Neither did I," said Lizzie. "Don't be silly!" said Hermione. "Of course there is!" and Lizzie noticed with an ominous feeling that Hermione's face was suddenly alight with the kind of fervor that S.P.E.W usually inspired.

"It's about preparing ourselves like Harry and Lizzie said in Umbridge's first lesson, for what's waiting out there. It's about making sure we really can defend ourselves. If we don't learn anything for a whole year…." "We're screwed," said Hayden. "I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion," said Lizzie. Hayden burst out laughing. He had no idea how Lizzie came up with things like that but it was incredibly cute.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were chuckling too. "Jokes aside, we can't really do much by ourselves, can we?" asked Lizzie. "I mean, yeah, we can look up jinxes and things in books and practice that way, but I don't know how effective that would be."

Hermione nodded. "I agree, Lizzie," she said. "We've gone past the stage where we can just lean things out of books. We need a teacher, a proper one, who can show us how to use the spells and correct us if we're going wrong."

"If you're talking about Lupin," said Harry. Lizzie's face fell suddenly. She and Remus didn't last meet on the best terms. Remus had been there when Raven died, and he was quite incensed at Lizzie's decision to force Raven to take that jump. When Raven was put down, he gave Lizzie a harsh, scolding, and the most horrible look of disappointment and anger, and it stuck with her.

Now she was being given the cold shoulder by the man she regarded as the closest thing she had to a father, and that was absolutely crushing.

"No, I'm not talking about Lupin," said Hermione. "He's too busy with the Order…"

"What's the Order," said Hayden. "The Order of the Phoenix," said Lizzie. "A group of witches and wizards fighting against You-Know-Who to try and bring him down." "Kinda like the Jedis fighting against the Empire," said Hayden. Lizzie smiled and shrugged. "If you like," she said.

"Anyway," Hermione continued. "The most we could see him is during Hogsmeade weekends, and that's not nearly enough." "He doesn't want anything to do with me, anyway," said Lizzie sadly. "That's not true, Lizzie," said Hermione. "You didn't see the way he looked at me the day Raven died," said Lizzie. "He was so angry…."

"Lizzie…" said Hermione. "He didn't talk to me for the entire summer. He didn't even look happy with the progress I made walking by myself! I actually fulfilled the promise I made him when I was a third year, and no reaction. None!"

"What did you promise him?" asked Hayden. "I promised him that the next time we met, I would be walking without my walker. And I did!" said Lizzie.

"He's got a lot going on right now," said Hermione. "So who's teaching us?" asked Harry, frowning at Hermione. Hermione sighted impatiently. "Isn't it obvious?" she asked. "I'm talking about you, Harry."

There was a moment's silence. A light night breeze rattled the windowpanes behind Ron, and the fire guttered.

"About me what?" asked Harry.

"I'm talking about you teaching us Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione. Harry stared at her. Then he turned to Ron, ready to exchanged exasperated looks, they sometimes shared when Hermione elaborated on far-fetched schemes like S.P.E.W. To Harry's consternation, however, Ron didn't look exasperated. He glanced at Lizzie who still appeared mournful. Ron was frowning slightly, apparently thinking. Then he said, "That's an idea."

"What's an idea?" asked Harry. "You," said Ron. "Teaching us how to do it."

"But….." said Harry, who was grinning now, sure that the pair of them were pulling his leg.

"But I'm not a teacher. I can't…..

"Harry, you're the best in our year at Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione.

"Me?" asked Harry, now grinning more broadly than ever. "No, I'm not. You've beaten me in every test, and Lizzie…"

"Actually, I haven't," said Hermione coolly. "You beat both Lizzie and I in our third year, right Lizzie?" Lizzie nodded. "And that was the only year we both sat the test and had a teacher who actually knew the subject. But I'm not talking about test results. Harry, look what you've done!"

"How d'you mean?" asked Harry. "You know what?" asked Ron. "I'm not sure I want someone this stupid teaching me." "Ron!" said Lizzie indignantly. "He's just being sarcastic, Lizzie," Hayden whispered. "Let's see," said Ron, pulling a face like Goyle concentrating. "Uh….First year – you saved the Stone from You-Know-Who." "Wait – D'you mean the Sorcerer's Stone?" asked Hayden looking impressed. Ron nodded. "Wow!" breathed Hayden. "But that was luck," said Harry. "That wasn't skill…" Lizzie rolled her eyes.

"Second year," she said. "You killed the basilisk and destroyed that diary thingy…."

"Yeah, but if Fawkes hadn't shown up, I…" said Harry. "Third year," said Ron, louder still. "You fought off about a hundred dementors at once…" "You can cast a Patronus, Harry?" asked

Hayden. "Yeah," said Harry. "What form?" asked Hayden. "A stag," said Harry. "That's really impressive," said Hayden. "It's rare for someone as young as fifteen to do that."

"Can you?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, I can," said Hayden. "What does your Patronus look like?" asked Lizzie eagerly. "I'll show you sometime," said Hayden. "You know that one was a fluke," said Harry. "If the Time-Turner hadn't….." said Harry. "And last year," said Ron, nearly shouting now. "You fought off You-Know-Who again…
"Listen to me," said Harry, almost angrily because Ron, Hermione, Lizzie, and even Hayden were smirking now. "Just listen to me, all right? It sounds great when you say it like that, but all that stuff was luck – I didn't know what I was doing half the time, I didn't plan any of it, I just did whatever I could think of and I nearly always had help…"

Ron and Hermione were still smirking and Harry felt his temper rise; he wasn't even sure why he was feeling angry. Lizzie on the other hand had stopped smirking, as did Hayden. "Don't sit there grinning like you know better than I do, I was there, wasn't I?" "Harry, no one is saying that," said Lizzie patiently. "I know what went on, all right? And I didn't get through any of that because I was brilliant at Defense Against the Dark Arts, I got through it all because – well, because help always came at the right time, or because I guessed right – but I just blundered through it tall, I didn't have a clue what I was doing STOP LAUGHING!"

His bowl of murtlap essence fell to the floor and smashed. He became aware that he was on his feet, though he couldn't remember standing up. Crookshanks whom Harry had been petting while sitting down, streaked away under a sofa. Ron and Hermione's smiles vanished. Lizzie looked tremendously overstimulated and Hayden noticed that her hands had started to shake. At first he thought that she was just having a panic attack, but as he looked at her closer he noticed she was doing everything not to consciously shake her hands, but it was very hard.

"You don't know what it's like! You – none of you – you've never had to face him, have you? You think it's all just memorizing a bunch of spells and throwing them at him, like you're in class or something? The whole time you know there's nothing between you and dying except your own – your own brain or your guts or whatever – like you can think straight when you know you're about a second away from being murdered, or tortured, or watching your friends die….."

Lizzie looked up at Harry as his green eyes met her blue. Cedric and Lizzie had been very close up until he was murdered, and Lizzie took it hard.

"They never taught us that in their classes, what it's like to deal with things like standing here, alive, like Diggory was stupid, like he messed up – you just don't get it, that could have just as easily have been me, it would have been, if Voldemort hadn't needed me…..
Lizzie flinched at the sound of the name. "We weren't saying anything like that, Harry," said Hayden. "Yeah," said Ron. "We weren't having a go at Diggory, we didn't – you've got the wrong end of the…."

"Hang on a minute, Ron," said Hayden. "I see what Harry's saying. You're right, we don't know what it's like. Which is why we need your help. We need to know what it's really like."

"At least think about it?" asked Lizzie timidly.

Harry looked at her, feeling ashamed that his own outburst could have potentially triggered a meltdown for Lizzie as he nodded, not really knowing what he was agreeing to.

"I'm going to bed," said Lizzie quietly as she stood up. "Come here," said Hayden as Lizzie hugged him. "I'll see you in the morning," said Hayden softly, still holding her, breathing in the scent of her hair. Gardenias and jasmine. He had a strange feeling that he had smelled it before, but he couldn't remember where from….

"Thanks, Hayden, you're the best," she said, as Hayden smiled. "Night," said Lizzie as she walked across the common room and up the stairs to the girls dormitory.

Hermione was already in bed asleep when Lizzie opened the door to the girls dormitory. Careful not to wake her sleeping dormmates, Lizzie tiptoed as carefully as she could over to her four-poster and began to get undressed.

Finally after three weeks of enduring Umbridge's classes, where they were learning nothing, it was really reassuring to know that they were doing something to make sure they had a snowball's chance of passing their O.W.L.s

As Lizzie got into bed and lied down, she thought about how much happier she was now that she was back at riding. It felt easier, being on the horse, and she found herself being able to cope and deal with losing Raven than she would have been if she wasn't riding. She would still be harming herself, and it had been a week since she had made that promise to Hayden that she would stop. To her, that was progress.

An owl hooted somewhere nearby as Lizzie shifted under the covers as she closed her eyes contentedly. For the first time in nearly four months, she slept soundly, with no disturbances or dreams about Raven.