When Hank woke the next morning, it was to an empty bed and his brain feeling like it was three sizes too big for his skull. Lifting his head from the pillow, he immediately groaned in pain and slammed his eyes shut in an effort to keep the wave of nausea from washing over him completely. It was then that he realised where he was. The soft sheets beneath his skin smelt like her. The memories of the previous day came back in snippets, like a badly edited movie trailer.
'You be strong, you hear me?'
His palm rested on Al's clammy forehead, his face as white as the sheet beneath him.
"I got this man."
Hank gripped Al's hand tighter in his own, afraid of what might happen if he let him go.
"They're gonna fix you up. You're gonna be okay."
For hours he waited. Pacing. Thinking. Blaming. And then he was gone.
"He didn't make it. I'm very sorry."
His feet carried him to the waiting room on auto-pilot, the expectant faces of his unit all turning towards him. He couldn't formulate the words, instead he simply shook his head. He watched their faces crumble in grief, felt the weight of their pain sit heavily on his shoulders. He took Trudy in his arms, drawing comfort from his old friend but wanting nothing more than to cross the room and hold the woman he loved.
"The guard you paid off…Dietz. He gave you up."
Slowly he pulled the black leather gloves over his hands, pausing occasionally to drop a stiff right fist into Gomez's now bloody face.
"This can go one of two ways. Bad…or really bad."
Despite the crimson stains across his face, Andre Gomez remained steadfast, cold and remorseless. Hank drew a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly as he let the darkness consume him.
"Carlos DeLeon."
"Don't shoot! Don't shoot! I don't have a gun."
His hand remained steady, the barrel of his service weapon pointed directly towards DeLeon who had one hand in the air, the other gripping a black duffle bag.
Hank knew it was his fault that Alvin was in jail in the first place but it was this man who had ordered the hit…all because his kid brother decided to take the cowardly way out.
"Alvin Olinsky was my best friend."
DeLeon's whimpered pleas went unheard, the sound dampened by the blood pounding in his ears. God how he wanted to make him pay but that rage was exactly how he ended up here in the first place. Hank was a lot of things but was not a stupid man. Rarely did he make the same mistake twice. Killing DeLeon might make him feel avenged right now, but it would never fill the hole that Al had left in his life.
"Get on your knees."
The next thing he knew he was standing over DeLeon's body, crimson blooming through the grey cashmere.
When the rage had diminished somewhat, he felt numb, his chest empty. He didn't deserve to feel nothing at all. Draining his glass of scotch in three gulps, he pushed away from the bar, purposely knocking his shoulder into the back of the guy who was stood with a group of buddies, the beer in his hand spilling down the front of his shirt.
"The fuck man!?"
By the time he turned around, Hank was already in his face.
"You wanna go?"
The man cast a look towards his friends, a disbelieving smile on his face.
"No thanks, Pops. Why don't you go back to wherever it is you came from?"
Hank's eyes flicked down to the hand clutching what was left of his beer, noting the wedding band twinkling in the dim bar light.
"You mean, buried balls-deep in your wife?"
The insult really wasn't his style but he'd seen it work enough times that he was confident the cocky comment would prompt the young man into action and, sure enough, as the fists rained down, he didn't even bother lifting his hands to defend himself. Instead he took comfort in the sharp pain that ricocheted through his body with each blow, the metallic tang of blood filling his mouth.
He watched her cross the street, hair blowing in the breeze, eyes filled with a concern that he didn't deserve. But she was here. Helping him to her car and then pushing him down onto a stool in her kitchen, gently patching up his physical wounds whilst his emotional ones bled out on her bright white tiles.
Then it was heated flesh, frantic hands and familiar scent. The last thing he remembered was falling asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.
With a groan, he pushed himself into a seated position at the edge of the bed, eyes squinting against the light filtering through the blinds. He noticed a tall glass of water and a selection of pain relievers on the nightstand and sent silent thanks to Kate for anticipating how fragile was likely to be this morning. He scooped the little white pills into his hand, listening out for any sign of movement in her apartment but he was met with silence. He supposed he shouldn't be surprised that she hadn't waited around. She had been roused from sleep in the middle of the night to take his drunk ass home and he'd ended up taking advantage of her in more ways than one. His phone buzzed on the bedside table, noting that it was resting on the charging mat that she had bought for his side of the bed.
His side. Like he had any claim over anything of hers anymore.'
Plucking the device from the charger, it took a minute for his eyes to focus on the bright screen. He had a raft of missed calls and texts, most of them from Trudy but he also had a few missed calls from Erin and Jay.
Erin.
He had called her yesterday to tell her about Al, the sound of her sobs through the phone were like a dull, jagged knife cutting right through the middle of his soul. He'd call her back at some point but, right now, he needed to change and get back to work. He needed to stay busy.
His entire body protested as he forced himself to his feet but he ignored the pain and moved into the bathroom. Hank visibly winced when he caught sight of himself in the mirror, the cuts still swollen and the bruising already turning a deep purple. The entire left side of his torso throbbed in pain and, given the difficulty he was having drawing breath, he guessed that he had at least two broken ribs.
Flicking on the shower, Hank stepped behind the frosted glass, turning the temperature up as far as he could stand before stepping under the scalding spray, his tight muscles refusing the relax as the scrapes and abrasions on his body started to sting. He made quick work of washing his hair and body before turning the water off, grabbing a towel and tying the terrycloth around his waist.
As he was brushing his teeth, he mulled over how many times he had been in this exact position, fresh out of the shower and going about his usual routine. The only difference, the biggest difference, was that Kate was usually here buzzing around him. If he closed his eyes and thought hard enough, he could vividly recall many mornings watching her tug her jeans up over her damp thighs, the denim sticking to her freshly-showered skin as she hopped around the room. Or watching her tie her wavy locks into a haphazard bun on the top of her head, one of his t-shirts barely covering the tanned skin of her legs as she removed her make-up and washed her face before bed.
A year might not seem a long time in the grand scheme of things but it surprised him how intertwined their lives had already become. There was a memory tied to every room of her apartment, every room in his house, at the district, at their favourite coffee shop, at their local grocery store. By his side or not, she was a part of him now.
Trudy was waiting for him when he arrived at the district, her eyes widening at the sight of his battered face.
"I'm fine, Trudy."
"Uhh, yeah, 'cause you really look fine." She gave him a look told him he was out of his tree if he thought for one second that she believed a word that came out of his mouth.
He didn't dignify her with a response, instead he diverted his gaze to the floor and gingerly took the stairs towards the Intelligence bullpen. When he emerged at the top of the steps, the team was milling around, their expressions strained, the stress of the last few days obviously still weighing heavy on them.
It didn't escape his notice that the only set of eyes that didn't turn towards him were the eyes that he wanted to see the most. Instead, she had them locked on her computer screen, long fingers flying across the keyboard at breakneck speed.
"Sarg, what happened?"
Jay's eyes scanned his face, brow furrowing in concern. Hank almost laughed at the irony. It was always Jay; pushing, poking, prodding but, when it came down to it, he would always protect. If he weren't in so much pain, his chest would have swelled with pride.
"I'm fine, it's just a few scratches."
"They look like more than scratches, boss."
This time it was Adam who looked at him with that puppy-dog expression, dark eyes shining in sympathy. Sympathy was the very last thing he needed right now. Closing his eyes, Hank let out a sigh, the headache he had woken up with coming back in full force. Pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, lifted his head and settled his eyes on his team.
"Look, the last few days have been…tough. But we still have jobs to do, paperwork to file, leads to chase, CIs to lean on. Let's just focus on that."
Kate's eyes were still on the screen in front of her but her hands had stilled over the keyboard, fingers poised over the keys indicating that she was indeed listening. The silence was broken by the sound of Kim's desk phone ringing. She was on the phone for a few seconds before returning the handset to its cradle.
"Sarg, that was patrol. We got two more ODs."
"Alright, you and Ruzek get down the the scene. The rest of you, talk to your CIs. There's some bad coke out on the street and we're gonna find it…fast."
Kate was barely out of her chair when he called her name, summoning her to his office. She didn't want to deal with this right now but she steeled herself with a deep breath anyway and rounded the desk.
"Just gimme a minute, Kev. I'll meet you at the car."
"Copy that."
He was perched on the edge of his desk, arms folded across his chest as he watched her walk towards him. She didn't bother taking a seat, instead she stood just in front of the black leather sofa, the inches of space between them feeling like miles.
"What's up, Sarg?"
"Listen, I…uh…"
Her face was carefully guarded and he really couldn't blame her. After everything he had put her through leading up to, and including, last night, he wouldn't be at all surprised if she put him on his ass right in the middle of his office. He'd absolutely deserve it.
"I'm sorry about last night."
"Sorry for calling me out in the middle of the night or sorry for fucking me?"
Her blunt aggression caught him off-guard but, again, he supposed he deserved it. She was hurt, angry and grieving but there were some things he wouldn't…couldn't…let slide, so he made sure he was looking her right in the eye when he responded.
"One thing I'll never be sorry for is making love to you, Kate."
She seemed to visibly deflate at his words, her eyes closing briefly.
"You're right, that was a low blow. I'm sorry Hank."
He shook his head, eyes fixed on the floor.
"No. You've got nothing to be sorry for. I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour last night and over the last few weeks. I…"
Lifting his chin, he raised anguished brown eyes to meet hers.
"I never meant to hurt you, Kate."
She waited a beat before responding, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I know. But you did."
The silence hung heavy between them, the void filled with a myriad of emotions. Love. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Passion. But now wasn't the time to start unravelling. They had two dead bodies because of a batch of bad coke; their mess was not the priority..
"We've got a case…I can't do this with you right now."
He nodded, his hand coming to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly.
"I understand."
There were a few beats of silence, Hank's eyes dropping back to the floor.
"Hank?"
He once again lifted his gaze to her face.
"I need you to know I'm not walking away from you. It's just…" Kate rubbed a hand over her forehead. "…can we talk later?"
"I'll be here."
With a nod, she turned on her heel and left him alone with his thoughts and a raging headache.
Kevin was leaning against the passenger door of her Jeep when she arrived in the parking lot, an apology already tumbling from her lips as she yanked the drivers' side door open.
"So, you two tryin' to work it out?" He asked when the two of them were seated, Kate guiding her Jeep out onto the street.
She sighed, cracking the window slightly to let some air into the suddenly stuffy cab.
"I don't know Kev. He was in a total state when I picked him up last night." She paused for a second. As much as she trusted Kevin, he was still a member of the unit and she didn't want to share too much of Hank's personal life with one of his subordinates. "I'm not sure he's in the right headspace to deal with us right now."
Kate was saved from having to say any more on the topic by an incoming phone call from the medical examiner's lab.
"Meadows."
"Hey Detective, it's Doctor Hansen. We got the lab results back on your DOAs, toxicology report is the same for all five. Huge amounts of fentanyl in their system."
"Alright, thanks Doc."
She cut the call with a muttered curse.
"Motherfuckers are cutting coke with fentanyl. No wonder we've got ODs dropping all over the place."
"How the hell are we gonna track down the source?"
The two of them shared a glance across the cab. It was likely that the source had no idea their product was being cut with fentanyl before hitting the market so, in this case, they were looking for the dealer.
When the two arrived back at the district a couple of hours later, Adam was pinning some crime scene pictures of packages to the whiteboard and Kate's stomach lurched when her eyes settled on the logo emblazoned on the little bags.
"Oh my god."
Her voice was barely above a whisper but the entire unit turned to look at her when she spoke.
"What?"
Kate lifted an arm and pointed at the black scorpion logo that Adam had pinned to the whiteboard. It was only then that she realised that her hands were trembling.
"I know that logo. That's the logo of Luis and Eduardo Guterra."
The team exchanges a series of blank looks across the bullpen.
"Six years ago, Sam Miller asked me to be part of a task force to hunt down Luis and Eduardo Guterra. Luis had a billion-dollar drug empire and he ran a child sex trafficking ring on the side. We managed to catch him but little brother Eduardo went underground."
Kate began to pace, her arms crossed over her chest as she spoke.
"Eduardo resurfaced about a year ago. Sam reached out to let me now that he'd been spotted in Laredo and a bad batch of coke had killed eight people, including a kid in Atlanta. That right there…" She stopped in front of the whiteboard, index finger tapping the picture. "…that's the Guterra family logo."
It was Hank who spoke next, his eyes flicking between Kate and the whiteboard.
"So Guterra's in Chicago."
Kate met his eyes with a nod.
"Looks like it."
"Alright, I'll get in touch with Miller. The rest of you, see what you can dig up on this prick. Kate, can you get a hold of your NYPD Intelligence files?"
She nodded, already moving towards her desk phone to put a call into Ben Walker to get the files emailed across whilst the rest of the bullpen began to buzz with activity. Within the hour, the team had been joined by Sam Miller and they had four whiteboards full of information on Eduardo Guterra, starting from when the brothers first came to Sam's attention to the present day.
It was nearing midnight when they eventually decided to call it a day, all of them running on empty and in desperate need of a shower and some sleep.
Kate was sifting through the last handful of financial records when Sam approached her desk, a tight smile on her face.
"Hey, how you doin'?"
Tossing her pen down onto the stack of papers, Kate rubbed her gritty eyes and leaned back in her chair, stretching the tight muscles of her shoulders and back.
"Not gonna lie, I'll be better once we have him behind bars."
"Amen to that." Sam replied with a sigh, resting her weight on the edge of Kate's desk, eyes scanning the form of her friend and colleague. She took note of Kate's unusually pale complexion and the dark circles under her eyes. Something was wrong and, if the tension between her and the Sergeant was anything to go by, she had a pretty good idea of what that thing was.
"How are things between with you and Hank? You two have barely looked at one another all day."
Sam had been able to read her like an open book from the second the two women met. Usually it was something Kate found endearing about their relationship but it was a fucking pain in the ass when she was trying to keep her emotions under wraps.
"We're working through some things. Olinsky's death hit him hard."
"I'm sure but you need to look after yourself Katie. What have I told you about losing that peachy ass?"
Kate snorted, rolling her eyes but she leaned over and gripped Sam's hand in her own, squeezing tight for a second in silent thanks before letting her go. Pushing to her feet, Kate let a genuine smile tug at her lips.
"Get some rest. No doubt it'll be balls to the wall again tomorrow."
"You too. Night Kate."
With that, Sam plucked her coat from the back of a spare chair and bid the rest of the unit goodnight. By the time Kate had taken her mug to the kitchen and stacked it in the dishwasher, everyone bar Adam and Hank had left the district.
"You not got a home to go to Ruz?"
He didn't even lift his head when he responded.
"I'll be on my way in ten, nine, eight…"
Kate huffed out a laugh at his countdown, watching as he tossed the last piece of paper on his desk into a manilla file, throwing the entire folder down with a smack.
"One…and I'm gone!" He pushed to his feet and placed a warm palm on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'll see you in the AM."
As she watched his retreating back jog down the steps, she turned her head towards Hank's office. He was engrossed in whatever document he had in front of him when Kate appeared in the doorway, hovering briefly over the threshold before drawing a breath, tapping on the doorframe with her knuckles.
"Hey, you got a minute?"
Hank nodded, pushing to his feet and rounding his desk, gesturing for her to take a seat on the sofa. The two of them sat at opposite ends, bodies slightly turned to face one another. They both sat in silence, neither one of them knowing how to start until Kate eventually spoke.
"You know, when I came to Chicago, I was…totally lost. I thought that a fresh start would give me some time to figure out who I was. What I wanted."
She lifted her eyes from where they were focused the top button of his shirt to his meet his eyes.
"Never in a million years did I expect this…did I expect you."
Hank remained still and silent, watching as a wistful smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
"You make me feel brave. Bold. Strong. Like I can conquer the world. You gave me back all the things that Jake stripped away from me. And I love you for that. I love you more that I ever thought it was possible to love somebody."
She took a deep breath, eyes fluttering closed for a second before re-opening and connecting with his.
"But what I didn't realise was that I was rebuilding myself around you, around us. I don't think I know who I am without you, Hank."
A whoosh of air left Hank's chest as he watched her eyes fill with tears, her admission slowly drowning him in guilt. Kate let out a light but humourless laugh, lifting a hand to swipe away an errant tear that was threatening to fall.
"I mean, the only reason I could sleep through the night for the first time in fifteen years is because I had you."
"Kate…" Hank's voice broke with emotion, his heart sinking when he realised that she was talking about them in the past tense.
"No, I'm not saying this to be spiteful or hurtful." She closed a fraction of the space between them, leaning over to grasp his hand in hers. "But when you said what you did…" Another flash of guilt stabbed him in the chest. "…everything I thought I knew about myself came tumbling down like a house of cards."
It wasn't until she let go of his hand and traced her thumb over his cheek did he realise that tears were tracking down his own face.
"I just need some time, baby."
He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, terrified that it might be the last time she held him. But despite the fear, he nodded against her palm, letting her know that he understood and accepted her request.
Kate leaned forwards and tenderly touched her lips to his, tasting the salt of their tears on his skin.
"I love you." She whispered against his mouth, pressing her lips to his once more before getting to her feet, the hand that was cupping his cheek falling to her side.
Just as she turned to leave, his hand darted out to catch her fingers, stalling her exit. Hank lifted his chin to meet her eyes.
"I just wanted to protect you."
Kate ran her knuckles gently down the side of his face.
"I know. I just need some time to figure out how to protect myself."
