"KATE!"
Hank dropped to his knees next to her, trembling hands tearing at the velcro keeping her vest in place and the sight waiting for him had his stomach roiling. The bullets had penetrated straight through her protective kevlar, one in the centre of her chest and the other a few inches below her left breast. The iron band of pure terror wrapped around his chest was crushing his lungs, preventing him from drawing breath as he pressed down on the two bullet wounds.
"Stay with me Kate. Please. Please stay with me."
Crimson was already seeping between his shaking fingers. She was loosing too much blood.
"Hank, is she breathing?" Miller dropped to her knees on the other side of Kate's limp body, dropping her weapon carelessly to the floor.
Hank heard her question but he was too preoccupied with trying to keep as much blood inside her as he could, pushing down hard on the wounds to try and stem the flow. Try as he might, he couldn't prevent the pool of blood from forming beneath her, the dark red stain growing until it was seeping into the fabric of his trousers. When she realised she wasn't going to get a response, Sam pressed two fingertips to Kate's neck. She closed her eyes in relief at the slow, thready but very much present heartbeat under her fingers.
"She's alive. GET AN AMBULANCE HERE NOW!"
"5021 Idah, we've got an officer down at 4452 South Indiana. We need an ambo right now." Adam's voice trembled as he made the call, his eyes locked on the tableau of his boss and mentor, cradling the woman he loved as her lifeblood drained onto the cold concrete beneath her.
"C'mon baby, please. Please don't leave me."
The unit stood shellshocked, watching as Hank dropped his head to Kate's chest, hands still pressed to her wounds as buried his face into her rapidly cooling skin. When the paramedics arrived a few minutes later, they gently peeled him away from her, pushing him backwards so that they had space to work. He watched on as they hooked her up to a variety of IV drips, oxygen tubes and an assortment of medication in the hopes that they could do enough to get her to the hospital alive. A set of hands clutched his biceps, tugging him to his feet as they wheeled her back down into the warehouse.
"Up you get, man." It was Stabler hoisting him to his feet, steadying him on wobbly legs with a sturdy hand on his back. "C'mon, I'll take you to the hospital."
Kevin and Sam followed the two men down through the warehouse and out onto the street, the four of them following behind the ambulance to Chicago Med whilst the Olivia and the rest of the unit dealt with Guterra and the rescued children. The car ride was almost completely silent, the quiet occasionally broken by Sam updating the CPD brass on the status of their case, telling them to contact Benson whilst she was at the hospital. When the four of them piled into the emergency department, Will Halstead was already waiting for them, a grim expression on his face.
"They've taken her straight to surgery. She's…" His blue eyes locked on Hank's tortured brown. "…she's not in good shape, Hank."
He felt sick.
Her blood still coated his skin and clothes, the metallic smell making his stomach churn. Wrenching himself away from Will's grip, he tore back through the automatic doors and emptied the meagre contents of his stomach, the bile burning his oesophagus with each wretch. He braced his shoulder against the cold brick, sweat beading on his forehead as tears streamed down his face. That was how Sam found him a few moments later, her hand gripping his shoulder.
"Will said she's going to be in surgery for a few hours."
He didn't answer, instead he dropped his head back against the brick none too gently, the sharp spike of pain somewhat comforting.
"You should go back to the district and clean up."
This time he shook his head. He couldn't leave her.
"You can't sit in the waiting room covered in blood, Hank. I'll wait here until you get back."
He turned to look at her, brown meeting green.
"I can't lose her, Sam."
Moving to stand in front of him, she placed both palms on his shoulders.
"She's not going down without a fight, Hank. She's tough."
Hank wasn't sure if Sam was trying to convince him or herself but, either way, he was grateful for her presence and her strength.
"Take Atwater with you. I'll wait with Stabler. If there's any news, I'll call you."
Leaving no room for argument, she disappeared into the emergency room and Kevin appeared a few moments later, the keys to Stabler's rented SUV in hand. Once again, the car ride was silent, neither man having any interest in engaging in idle small talk. Trudy was waiting for them when they arrived back at the 21st, her face a picture of concern at his bloodstained appearance.
"S'not mine." He mumbled before she could get a word out. She reached out a hand, clutching his fingers in her own.
"I know. I'm heading to the hospital now."
Hank nodded, half stumbling towards the stairs, Kevin not far behind him at the two made their way into the locker room. Hank pulled off his BDUs, replacing the blood-soaked material with clean jeans before moving towards the sink, bracing his weight on the cold ceramic. His hands were stained red, the skin around his nails even darker where her blood had collected and already dried. Turning the taps, he held his hands under the heating water, watching as the water turned pink, scrubbing his hands together vigorously. When his hands and face were clean, he pulled his shirt over the black t-shirt he was still wearing and left the locker room in search of Atwater who was waiting for him in the Intelligence bullpen.
He was pulling his coat from the rack when a white envelope on his desk caught his eye, his name on the front in a familiar hand. Tossing his coat onto the back of his chair, he sat down and tugged the envelope free from where it was tucked under the picture frame of him and Justin. When he pulled the paper free from the envelope, a single black and white sonogram picture fell to the desk and, when he finally realised what he was looking at, his throat constricted with emotion. Stuck to the front of the picture was a small post-it note with the words 'Hi Daddy x' written in Kate's neat scrawl.
Eyes burning, he took a deep breath and began to read.
Hank,
Firstly, I'm sorry that I haven't had the chance (or the courage) to tell you this in person. I had been trying to find the right moment over the past couple of weeks but, with everything going on, it never seemed to be the right time. Then today happened and I didn't want to go out there tonight without at least leaving you this…just so I can be sure that you know.
A mutual friend once told me that you're a 'self-destructive bastard' and he asked me to promise to be there for you when he couldn't. I hope that, by the time you read this, that's a promise I can still keep.
From the second I set eyes on you, I knew you were it for me. This past year with you has been the most trying yet most incredible I've ever experienced and I wouldn't trade a single second.
We never really discussed the future or what it would look like for us but, planned or otherwise, we created something incredible. Part me, part you.
Thank you for letting me in, for letting me love you.
Please forgive me for not being strong enough for you when you needed me the most. I hope I'll get the chance to make that right.
With love, always.
Kate x
Tears streaming freely down his face, Hank took the little black and white picture between his fingers and stared closely at the little white figure in the middle. His baby. Their baby. It suddenly felt completely ridiculous that they had been together for almost a year and they had never really talked about their long-term plans. Not once had the topic of marriage, children, moving in together or any of the big relationship milestones come up.
Closing his eyes, he cast his mind back over the last twelve months.
"I love you. Just…you know, in case you didn't know."
"She's lucky to have you. You're an excellent 'girl dad''.
"I'll always choose you."
"Hank, I am so, ridiculously in love with you. I'd be completely lost without you."
"I'm with you, Hank. For as long as you'll have me. Or until the wheels fall off and we run out of road."
"I love you more that I ever thought it was possible to love somebody."
The signs had been there all along, hidden in plain sight. He'd just been too blind to see them and now he wasn't sure if he'd get the chance to make it right. He may have just lost them both. Folding the letter and the picture back into a neat square, he tucked them into his pocket, roughly swiping his face dry before he rejoined Kevin in the bullpen.
"You ready Atwater?"
"Yes, sir."
When the arrived in the waiting room, the entire unit was already present, including Benson, Bell and Stabler, the latter of whom was pacing around looking every bit as uneasy as Hank felt.
"Any news?"
Sam pushed to her feet, with a shake of her head, green eyes shining with compassion.
"No, she's still in surgery."
He nodded, not exactly expecting to hear anything different. He felt her gently guide him towards an empty chair next to the one she had previously occupied, pushing a hot paper cup into his hands before taking a seat next to him. For hours on end they waited. The clock on the wall seemed to look the same every time he glanced at it, the hands stubbornly refusing to move. It was four in the morning when a surgeon clad in dark blue hospital scrubs entered the waiting room.
"Katherine Meadows?"
Eleven pairs of eyes darted towards the doorway.
"Are you family?"
Hank got to his feet but the word of affirmation got stuck in his throat. After a beat, Sam stood at his shoulder and addressed the doctor on his behalf.
"Deputy Superintendent Samantha Miller. This is Kate's partner, Sergeant Hank Voight." Her eyes flicked to Hank who had his own locked on the face of surgeon.
"How is she?" He eventually muttered, his voice deep and gritty from lack of use.
The surgeon eyed the room for a moment.
"Can I speak with you outside?"
His heart stopped beating in his chest.
'She's gone. I'm gonna walk out there and he's going to tell me that he did all he could, but she was gone.'
Hank's feet refused to move, his shoes suddenly feeling like they were filled with lead but, with Sam's warm palm between his shoulder blades, he eventually put one foot in front of the other and followed the doctor out into the hallway.
"Katherine-"
"Kate." He interrupted automatically, irrationally irritated that the doctor didn't know how she preferred to be addressed.
"I apologise. Kate suffered two gunshot wounds to the torso. The bullet fragments we found during surgery were teflon-coated, rendering her vest ineffective."
A low growl rumbled in Hank's throat, wishing that he could resurrect Guterra just so that he could kill him all over again, this time slowly and painfully.
"The first bullet hit her in the centre of the chest. It was a through and through, thankfully missing her heart and her spinal cord by millimetres but it did puncture her left lung. We've repaired the damage and re-inflated the lung but it was the second bullet that did the most damage."
The doctor paused for a second to take a breath.
"Were you aware that she's three months pregnant?"
Hank closed his eyes, releasing a shuddering breath.
'Three months. How long had she known?'
He opened his eyes, not trusting his voice to remain steady so, instead, he nodded.
"The second bullet pierced her liver which explains the extensive amount of blood loss at the scene. Once we had her on the table, we were able to control the bleeding but the foetus became distressed before we were able to fully suture the laceration."
Hank's head was spinning. All he was hearing was medical jargon. What he wanted to know was whether they were both still alive.
"What are you trying to tell me here, doc?"
"We have temporarily packed her stomach to try and get the foetal distress under control. The plan is to go back in and repair the laceration properly but we won't know the full extent of the damage until we get back in there. The longer we leave it, the greater the risk of infection and necrosis and, if she needs a liver resection, my concern is that she won't be hemodynamically stable enough to survive the procedure."
The doctor watched Hank's face, the dazed expression making it abundantly clear that he was not absorbing everything he was being told. Lifting a hand to grip Hank's bicep, he sighed before giving him exactly what he needed; the cold, hard truth.
"There may come a time where you need to make a choice. Your partner, or your baby. We're doing everything we can but, because of the amount of stress the injuries have placed on them, the odds of both of them making it 'til morning are slim."
Hank wondered vaguely if this was what it felt like to have an out of body experience. He heard the doctor's words but it was like his brain refused to process them. The doctor stared at him for a few moments until he released Hank's bicep, dropping his hand back to his side but, before he could walk away, Hank reached out to grip his shoulder.
"Just…" Hank's eyes settled on the doctor's face. "…Just save her."
"Which one?"
It took a second for the words to sink in.
"It's a girl?" Hank croaked, his eyes filling with tears.
The doctor nodded.
"It's still early but, yes, the ultrasound suggests that it's a girl."
'You're an excellent 'girl dad''.
Somehow the knowledge that Kate was carrying his daughter made the choice he may have to make impossible. But deep down in the very pit of his stomach, he knew the decision would have always been the same, regardless of the baby's gender.
The doctor sighed, a sympathetic expression on his face.
"Look, I don't know if this will help but, medically speaking, we don't consider a pregnancy viable until at least twenty four weeks of gestation. At twelve weeks, the odds of the baby surviving are less than five percent…at best."
'Five percent. Jesus Christ.'
Gripping the doctor by the shoulders, Hank looked squarely into his bright grey eyes.
"You do everything you can to save the both of them, Doc. But if the time comes, you make sure Kate comes back to me."
The doctor nodded briskly and, satisfied he had been heard, Hank released him, watching his retreating back as he stood alone in the empty hallway. Taking a few moments to steady himself, he eventually returned to the waiting room where the team were waiting anxiously for an update.
"She's still critical. The bullets were teflon-coated, went straight through her vest." Hank vaguely gestured to his own chest before continuing. "First bullet pierced her lung but they think they've fixed that. The second bullet tore through her liver but there were some…complications."
He stumbled over the word, not entirely sure if she would want the unit to know.
"They've patched her up for now to see if they can get everything under control before they try and repair everything properly. He said…" He felt his eyes being to sting, eyes moving from concerned face to concerned face. "He said he's worried that she's not strong enough to survive the surgery."
Hank watched the reactions play out before him, just as they had barely two days ago when they lost Alvin. His unit took comfort in each other, the team rallying around Kevin who had tears streaming down his face. It was Trudy who approached him first, placing her hands on his shoulders before drawing him into her chest, wrapping her arms around his back as he allowed himself to be held in her embrace.
"She'll fight Hank." Trudy whispered and he found himself nodding against her shoulder.
"Sarg?" Hank pulled away from Trudy to find Kevin at their elbow. "You got a sec?"
He nodded, moving back out into the hallway with his officer in tow.
"Listen Sarg, I don' wanna get all up in your bus'ness but Kate's my partner and-"
"It's alright, Kevin. I take it she told you?"
He wasn't surprised. In fact, a part of him was relieved that she hadn't been going through the last few weeks by herself. Kevin nodded and Hank reached out to grip his bulging bicep.
"They're both hanging in there. The baby was in distress which is why the couldn't repair her liver the first time so they're waiting to see if the baby calms down before trying again but…" He took a breath. "…the doctor said there may come a time where they have to choose to save one or the other."
Kevin let out a long breath, deflating at Hank's words.
"They don't usually consider pregnancies viable until the six month mark and…I need her, Kev."
He wasn't sure why he was explaining himself or seeking validation on his decision but it made him feel slightly better when Atwater immediately nodded in agreement.
"Should we call her mom? Or her brother?"
Hank could have slapped himself for not thinking about it sooner. Of course he needed to call her family.
"Yeah, I'll…uh…I'll call them now."
"A'ight, let me know what I can do."
The two men shared a tight smile before Kevin moved back towards the waiting room. He paused when Hank suddenly called out to him.
"The baby…keep it between us for now, alright?"
Kevin simply nodded before returning to his colleagues. Hank pulled out his cell phone and put in a call to HQ to have Kate's next of kin details forwarded to his phone. His finger paused over the number to Kate's mother, wondering how the hell he was going to tell this poor woman that, for the second time this year, she was faced with the very real prospect of having to bury one of her children.
Sucking in a breath, he hit dial and waited until the line connected.
"Hello?"
"Grace? It's Sergeant Hank Voight…Kate's…" As always, he struggled to find the right word to describe himself but he was saved from the awkwardness by Grace's tight voice cutting him off.
"What happened?"
He wasn't sure if it was the tone of his voice or whether parent's of police officers always reacted this way when they got a call from their child's commanding officer in the early hours of the morning.
"She's…she's been shot."
He heard the whimper on the other end of the line and he hoped with everything he had in him that her husband was at home with her. Sure enough, after a few seconds, Ted Kimble's sturdy voice came on the phone.
"Who am I speaking to?"
"Ted, it's Hank…we met in New York."
"Hank, what's going on?"
"She's been shot, Ted. She's in surgery but…you need to get yourself and Grace on a plane to Chicago."
The line fell quiet and Hank had to pull the phone away from his ear to make sure they were still connected. Eventually, Ted told him they'd be on the next plane out and thanked him before hanging up the phone. Steadying himself, he prepared to make the next phone call and again, the line connected after only a few rings.
"'Lo?"
If the situation weren't so dire, Hank would have laughed at how similar the siblings sounded when roused from sleep.
"Matt, it's Hank."
"Hank? What time-" He tailed off, obviously checking the clock somewhere. "…is Kate okay?"
Again, he went through the motions of telling him that she was in critical condition and that he needed to get on a plane as soon as he could. By the time the sun rose, the Intelligence Unit had been joined by Kate's mother, step-father and brother in the waiting room and it had been twelve, painstakingly long hours since Kate had been wheeled into Chicago Med, clinging to life.
Hank was about to go search for a nurse to see if he could get an update when the surgeon he had seen earlier appeared in the doorway, his eyes taking in the scene before him. He was still wearing surgical scrubs only this time minus the cap and with the addition of the white coat.
He was done operating.
Hank met his eyes, horrified to see the compassion shining so clearly in his grey orbs.
"I'm sorry…"
