Chapter Eleven
"Appendicitis"
The Easter holidays came and went, and Hermione, as was her custom, had spend a large portion of the holiday drawing up study schedules for Harry, Ron, and Lizzie. Lizzie hadn't found the energy to protest, and in any case, they may come in useful.
She spent the nineteenth with Hayden since it was his seventeenth birthday, and they passed the time riding their horses, then sitting in the common room, playing Wizard Chess – Hayden kept beating Lizzie – and a few rounds of poker with Chocolate Frog cards – a game that Lizzie invented – and showing off their collections to one another.
Lizzie kept her own collection in a battered old shoebox inside her bedside cabinet. The day was going well, until she was reminded that she had six weeks to go until O.W.L.s and a little less than seven before the horse show.
Hermione had started to crack down on Lizzie for prioritizing her time with Hayden over studying.
"You can spend time with your boyfriend after exams!" she said firmly. "Hermione how many times do I have to tell you?" said Lizzie exasperatedly as she sat in front of the fire at the end of the evening and Hayden had bid her goodnight and gone back to the Room of Requirement.
"Hayden and I are not together! We're just friends!"
"Keep telling yourself that, Liz," said Ron smirking. "Who asked you?" Lizzie snapped. "Lizzie!" said Hermione reproachfully. "Sorry," said Lizzie in a low voice. "I'm just…..up to my neck and I've got the horse show coming up…."
"I've got that covered for you," said Hermione, handing Lizzie her study schedule. Indeed, Hermione had given her an hour off every week. But it wasn't nearly enough. If she had any hope of being ready for the horse show, she needed to ride at least three times a week.
"Hermione if I'm going to be ready for the show, I need more time to ride – at least three days a week," said Lizzie. Hermione pursed her lips in disapproval, but snatched back the parchment from Lizzie and modified it.
When she was done, Lizzie had between the hours of five and six in the evening on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
The weather grew breezier, brighter, and warmer as the days passed, but Lizzie was stuck with the rest of the fifth years and began to see less and less of Hayden, to where she was only seeing him during her riding lessons and at mealtimes. Lizzie couldn't help but wonder if Hermione was making sure to keep them separated so all of Lizzie's attention was on passing her O.W.L.s
Lizzie woke to the sound of her alarm buzzing like a klaxon in her ears as she reached from beneath the tangle of blankets and turned it off before slowly sitting up, rubbing her eyes as her vision became slightly clearer. She reached across to her bedside table and put on her glasses on before slowly throwing back the covers and getting dressed. She must have overslept a bit, because everyone in the dormitory had already left for breakfast, except for Hermione, who was sitting at her vanity table, running a brush through her bushy hair.
"M-morning, Hermione," Lizzie yawned, pulling her pajama top over her head. "Morning, Liz,' said Hermione brightly. "Sleep well?"
"Meh," said Lizzie, shrugging. She wanted to tell Hermione that she knew that she hadn't slept well because of the study schedule that she had compiled for her. She had been up since nearly two in the morning last night and had only gotten a couple hours' sleep.
Even though Lizzie knew in her heart that Hermione meant well, and was just trying to make sure she was prepared for her O.W.L.s, it was messing her routines and she hated that, and Hermione knew it.
Another aspect of this, was that Hayden wasn't coming round the Gryffindor common room to help her with her homework as much anymore.
Hermione had become insistent that in order for Lizzie to pass her exams, she had to do all the work by herself, which greatly irritated Lizzie. Hayden may not have always given her the answers, but he was good at keeping her company, and made studying a little more bearable.
At least she had a riding lesson with him to look forward to that evening.
She had become so good. She had learned piaffe, and passage, canter half-passes, had become very proficient at canter pirouettes and her extended canter was amazing. Her cross country time still wasn't as fast as it needed to be but it was still good, and she was now jumping four foot seven.
The pair of them had been working hard over the past few months so Lizzie would be in top form for the horse show. But now that Umbridge was headmistress, Lizzie had become almost paranoid that she would find some reason to keep her from competing. What she didn't know was that Hayden had confronted Umbridge with the fact that while she may have the authority to inspect elective classes, it did not give her the authority to inspect extracurricular activities, so her chances of being able to compete in the show were looking pretty good.
But this did very little to calm Lizzie's anxiety over Umbridge. Ever since Marietta had ratted out the D.A. and Umbridge had practically scalped her – she still continued to carry around the lock of Lizzie's hair whenever she went and had even made several points of showing it off to members of the Inquisitorial Squad – something that Draco Malfoy and his friends found highly amusing.
Hayden had made several attempts to try and extend Lizzie's practice time in the arena, much to Hermione's extreme annoyance. "She won't be ready for the show if she doesn't train, Hermione!" Hayden attempted to reason with her. "Horses need to come after exams, Hayden, not before!" Hermione had said rather sternly on Easter Sunday as he helped Lizzie with her homework, much to Hermione's extreme annoyance and disapproval.
Lizzie finished getting dressed, putting her figure skate necklace that Hayden have given her around her neck, and running a brush through her hair before exiting the dormitory with Hermione. She was however, stopped when something on the notice board caught her eye as she passed it.
BY THE ORDER OF
The High Inquisitor of Hogwarts
All students are to submit themselves for evaluation for the following neurological conditions:
Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD)
Dyslexia
Dyspraxia
Executive Functioning
Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Any student found to be diagnosed with one or more of the above neurological conditions will be expelled.
The above notice is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Nine.
Signed:
Dolores Jane Umbridge
High Inquisitor and Headmistress of Hogwarts.
Lizzie would have screamed, but her vocal chords appeared paralyzed, as she felt herself suddenly unable to breathe as she began to breathe heavily, gasping for air. "Lizzie, what is it?" asked Hermione worriedly. "Can't…..breathe!" Lizzie gasped. "Okay, you're having a panic attack, come here and sit down!" said Hermione, guiding Lizzie over to one of the squashy armchairs as Lizzie ducked her head between her knees. "Breathe…It's okay," said Hermione soothingly. "It's okay Lizzie,"
When she was able to breath again, Lizzie sat up. "Why…? How could she…? Do you know what this….?" She couldn't get the words out. But Hermione seemed to be thinking the same thing. She knew that this wasn't just another absurd educational decree. This was an attack on Lizzie, an attempt to get her and anyone else who might have a learning difference out of Hogwarts.
"Wanna go down to breakfast and see Hayden?" asked Hermione gently, knowing that seeing him would make Lizzie feel much better. Struggling not to cry, Lizzie nodded as she followed Hermione out of the portrait hole.
But they didn't have to wait until they got to the Great Hall to see Hayden. He was waiting for Lizzie just outside the portrait hole. His face fell when he saw her fighting back tears. "What's wrong?" he asked holding her. "What is it, Lizzie? Talk to me. Is it something Umbridge has done?"
Lizzie nodded. "What is it?" asked Hayden. "You're not going to like it," said Lizzie tearfully. "Tell me anyway," said Hayden.
She told Hayden all about the latest educational decree, expelling anyone with a diagnosed learning difference. He was furious. "She can't do that!" he growled. "Umbridge hates people with disabilities the same way she hates part-humans," said Hermione sadly. "That makes sense," said Hayden. "You didn't hear her when she was inspecting Lizzie's riding lesson. She was talking to her like she didn't understand her questions!"
"It was insulting," said Lizzie. "Well, there you are, then," said Hermione. "She's trying to make autism out to be an intellectual disability, and she's trying to get rid of anyone who is, in her eyes, intellectually inferior."
Hayden nodded grimly. He was successful in making sure Lizzie could continue to ride, and compete in the horse show, that was good. But the way Umbridge spoke to her during her inspection still rang in his head. If she could pass an educational decree expelling anyone with a disability from Hogwarts, what more could she do?
She was stopped just outside the Great Hall by none other than Professor McGonagall as they were walking towards breakfast. "I need to speak to you in private, Miss Brooks," she said. Her voice was low and urgent. "O-okay," said Lizzie as she broke away from Hermione and Hayden and followed Professor McGonagall to an isolated corner of the entrance hall where they would not be overheard.
"You saw the educational decree, I'm assuming," said Lizzie. "I did," said Professor McGonagall gravely. "And I want you to know, Miss Brooks, Dumbledore may not be Headmaster, but you are a valued student at Hogwarts and the school is a much better place with you in it. What I am trying to say is that regardless of that absurd educational decree, I will do everything in my power as your Head of House to keep you at Hogwarts! If I have to go to Dolores Umbridge myself and tell her that Madame Pomfrey was incorrect in her diagnosis when you were assessed for autism, I will do so if that keeps you in school!"
Lizzie was floored. Professor Minerva McGonagall, who was normally very stern, was willing to lie to Professor Umbridge to assure that she stayed at Hogwarts? "You've never done for anyone," said Lizzie. "You are not just anyone," said McGonagall who was now smiling. "You're Elizabeth Brooks, and around here, that means something."
"Y-you're serious?" asked Lizzie. "You would actually lie to Professor Umbridge if it meant I was allowed to stay in school?" "Absolutely!" said McGonagall adamantly. "Thank you Professor," said Lizzie appreciatively. "But I would advise you," said McGonagall. "In order for this to work, it is imperative that you hide your autistic traits as best as you can."
Lizzie immediately knew that McGonagall meant that if she had any hope in hell of staying in school, then she would have to 'mask' or hide her autistic traits and as neurotypical as she could.
To Lizzie, this was worth it, if it meant that she didn't have to leave Hogwarts.
"All right," said Lizzie. "I can do this." "I know you can, Miss Brooks," said McGonagall. "Now run along and go have some breakfast. Just remember, act as normal as you can."
Lizzie nodded as she walked back into the Great Hall.
She met Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hayden at the Gryffindor table as they were helping themselves to food.
"What did McGonagall want?" asked Hayden. "She wanted to tell me that she knows about the educational decree, and assured me that she would go so far as to lie to Umbridge about my autism diagnosis, and say I'm as neurotypical as they come if it means I get to stay at school. The caveat is that I have to mask – you know, hide my autistic traits to appear more normal?"
Hayden looked concerned. He had studied autism enough to know that 'masking' while used as a coping strategy by many autistics, was also very psychologically taxing and if Lizzie wasn't cautious, she could burn herself out.
"Just be careful, all right, Liz?" asked Hayden worriedly. "You've got enough going on with the horse show and O.W.L.s. I just don't want you to burn out…..You need your energy….."
"I'll be okay," said Lizzie as she helped herself to toast. "Talking of the show, what's on the docket for today?"
"Hmm," said Hayden thoughtfully. "How about doing some cross country? Get you out into the fresh air!" "We could ride together!" said Lizzie brightly. "Sure, that sounds fun," said Hayden. "I'm gonna make you hurt!" said Lizzie. "Oh, you're goona get hurt!" said Hayden. "We'll see," said Lizzie. "Oooh!" said Harry and Ron together.
Since Hayden had told Lizzie on Valentine's Day that he was competing in the show, they had become increasingly competitive with each other, and Lizzie had tried to outride him in virtually every single group lesson where they would ride together. She was revealing this aspect of her personality that neither Hayden nor any of Lizzie's other friends knew existed.
"In all seriousness, though," said Lizzie, now pouring herself some coffee. "What was my last time?"
"Erm, eight minutes, fifteen seconds, I think," said Hayden, taking a drink of pumpkin juice. "Not sure though."
Lizzie shook her head. "That's not fast enough," she said. "Try dropping your stirrups down a hole," Hayden suggested. "Really?" asked Lizzie curiously. "Yeah," said Hayden. "Flicka loves to jump – longer stirrups mean more leg." "Oh!" said Lizzie, sounding interested. "I'll try it!"
Hayden smiled as Lizzie felt her heart swell and her pulse increase. She still hadn't told Hayden that she had feelings for him, despite him being less than shy about telling her his feelings about her on Valentine's Day. Granted, he hadn't precisely confessed his undying love for her, but he did seem to suggest that he was beginning to like her beyond a friendship.
And she still had absolutely no idea who her secret admirer was. So much had happened since then and there was a period where she had quite forgotten about it.
It had been five months since Hayden had first tried to kiss her and had made on other unsuccessful attempt since then. The memory of it still plagued her subconscious, and there was a part of her that wished that he had succeeded when they were in Madame Puddifoot's.
And he would have, she felt, if Harry and Cho hadn't been there. But on the other hand, it probably wouldn't have mattered much whether or not Harry and Cho had been there the same time they had. If not them, they would most likely had been interrupted by someone else.
She hadn't told Hermione or any of her friends that she was exceptionally close with her feelings about Hayden. She hadn't told Harry because he was having his own problems with Cho at the moment, so she figured the last thing he would want to hear was her woes about Hayden.
However that was not to say that other people hadn't noticed. It had become ever increasingly difficult for Lizzie to hide her feelings toward Hayden. To everyone around her, it was so obvious that Lizzie had a crush on him. But what people did not realize that over the months since the start of the new term, her feelings toward Hayden had begun to breach the boundaries beyond being simply a schoolgirl crush. And yet every time someone asked her about it or even attempted to get her to admit how she felt for him, usually by either Parvati or Lavender, Lizzie would flatly, and sometimes aggressively deny it.
The Hogwarts students were not the only ones who had taken notice of the ever evolving chemistry between Hayden Lizzie. Even Hayden's own classmates were secretly rooting for the two of them to get together, even going so far as to cast bets as to who would kiss whom first.
But the idea of getting together with Hayden wasn't without its risk. Umbridge was headmistress now and Lizzie wasn't entirely sure if students were still allowed to date. Moreover, people with disabilities were considered 'undatable' by the Wizarding world, add to that, that due to Lizzie's bipolar disorder, the idea of dating so-called 'crazy people' was also unfavored, and there were many like Umbridge who felt that such people needed to be locked away in St. Mungo's and forgotten about, rather than walking around with normal wizarding society – much less dating them.
Umbridge's recent educational decree slipped back into Lizzie's mind, and McGonagall's warning to hide her autistic traits as best as she could.
She gazed up at the staff table at Umbridge who had made herself quite comfortable in Dumbledore's large golden throne-like chair, smiling with satisfaction as she looked out upon the students, keeping an eye out for troublemakers.
Then suddenly her pouchy toad's eyes met Lizzie's, a look of indignation briefly crossed her pallid face. Like she was furious to see that despite her educational decree, Lizzie was still in school.
A moment later, a huge malicious grin spread across her slack mouth as he caressed the braided lock of Lizzie's hair that she had pinned to her frilly pink robes, and Lizzie felt a sharp stab of pain in her stomach.
It was enough to tear her eyes away from Umbridge's horrible toadlike face, as she pressed a hand to her abdomen. The pain lasted for barely a minute before it slowly went away. That was weird, Lizzie thought as she glanced back up at the staff table at Umbridge again, but her pouchy eyes did not meet Lizzie's again.
"You okay, Liz?" asked Hayden, noticing the direction in which Lizzie was staring, looking concerned. "Y-yeah," said Lizzie, now becoming aware of a horrible nauseous feeling, as she looked at her half-eaten toast, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore as she put her knife and fork down, crossing each other on her plate and pushing it away.
"What's up?" asked Harry, looking up from his porridge. "You're not hungry?" "Not really," said Lizzie, peering out of her peripheral vision at Umbridge, desperately trying to erase the smile she gave her while stroking the hair totem like some grotesque good-luck charm from her memory.
Lizzie was no old hand at reading people - in fact she was quite bad at it – but there was something about the way Umbridge had smirked at her that made her hair stand on end and get this horrible sense of dread. Almost as if Umbridge was warning her I will get you out of this school if it is the last thing I do.
Umbridge had a vendetta against Lizzie, she was absolutely sure if it. Ever since she noticed that she seemed to get it worse than Harry during their detentions. After all, it was she, Lizzie that had been the one to develop nerve damage in her hand whereas Harry had not. That had to mean she had it in for her, certainly!
And Umbridge seemed to derive more and more sadistic pleasure from taunting Lizzie, attempting to illicit responses from her, because any sort of reaction from her would have given Umbridge appropriate grounds to punish her as she so enjoyed doing.
However, it did seem though that she felt her power was threatened the less and less Lizzie reacted to her. When she showed up for Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures lesson at the end of last term when they were covering thestrals, and Umbridge tried to get her to talk about Raven, she remembered the look of immense disappointment – anger even – that she had not given Umbridge the reaction she wanted.
It was a risky move, acting like she didn't exist because there was something that told Lizzie that that made Umbridge angry. But on the other hand, she would rather give her the silent treatment, and stay out of trouble, rather than speak her mind and suffer the consequence as she already had way too many times already.
"You feeling all right, Liz?" asked Harry, who had noticed that Lizzie had lost interest in eating, which wasn't like her. "Yeah, fine," said Lizzie. "Just got a lot on my mind."
"It's not like you not to eat!" said Hermione. "You're always hungry!" "I know," said Lizzie. "Lizzie," said Hayden, reaching next to her and holding her hand. "You should eat something. You've got O.W.L.s, and the horse show! You need your strength."
"I'm not hungry," said Lizzie. She didn't want to tell him about her ever-growing fear of Umbridge. She was a Gryffindor, and Gryffindors were supposed to be brave, daring…
"Hayden's right, Lizzie," said Hermione seriously. "Just a little bit…"
"So, are we still on for tonight's lesson?" asked Lizzie in Hayden's direction. "Only if you're up to it," said Hayden. "But Lizzie, are you sure that you're….." "I'll meet you after Divination, okay?" asked Lizzie. "Okay," said Hayden slowly and uncertainly, staring after her as Lizzie got up from the table, swinging her bag over her shoulder. "See you in History of Magic," she said as she walked out of the Great Hall. She was beginning to walk longer distances without her walker now.
He, Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned and watched Lizzie disappear into the entrance hall, and when she had gone, Hayden turned back to them, looking worried.
"What is it, Hayden?" asked Hermione. "It's just – you guys have known Lizzie a lot longer than I have,' said Hayden. "Has she – ever acted like that before?" Harry, Ron, and Hermione all looked very bemused. "Like what?" asked Harry. "She was in hysterics over that educational decree! Then she calmed down, and seemed happy, now she won't eat?" asked Hayden. "That just doesn't sound normal to me. She just…doesn't seem like herself."
"She's got a lot going on," Hermione reasoned. "And she has her mood swings sometimes – even with medication. She's probably just stressed. We all are."
"So you're saying I shouldn't be worried about this?" asked Hayden. "I wouldn't," said Hermione. "Just be there for her like you always are."
Hayden nodded. Maybe Hermione was right and this was nothing to worry about. Maybe it was just anxiety. But there was something else nagging at him. Something that was telling him that there was more to it than just stress over exams and the horse show.
Lizzie made her way up to the hospital wing to take her morning medication before heading to History of Magic. Marietta still appeared to not have had the word 'sneak' removed from her face. There were curtains drawn around a bed, and Lizzie could see the faint outline of a figure sitting up in bed.
Madame Pomfrey was waiting for Lizzie as she came bustling out of her office with a small plastic cup, containing three capsules and one small tablet, and a goblet of water.
"Cheers," said Lizzie as she tipped the medication in her mouth and washed them down with water. "By the way," said Madame Pomfrey. "You ought to know that Professor Umbridge came to see me regarding a recent educational decree, expelling those with learning differences."
Lizzie groaned. She had been hoping that this would never come to Madame Pomfrey's attention. However it had been her who assessed and diagnosed Lizzie, so it was only a matter of time until she came to know about it. And Lizzie didn't have to venture who tipped her off to it.
"Did Professor McGonagall tell you?" asked Lizzie. "She did, and Professor Umbridge came to see me just before you arrived, asking about you. Of course, I am bound by confidentiality not to reveal personal information regarding students, but sadly, that has not stopped her from looking at students' medical files."
Lizzie sighed. Umbridge had been using her power as High Inquisitor to look at the personal medical information of students, no doubt, checking to see if they were diagnosed with any learning differences.
"She questioned me about your file, and said that that you are diagnosed with autism, and that gave her grounds to expel you under the terms of Educational Decree Number Twenty-Nine."
Lizzie looked like she was about to burst into tears. "However," stated Madame Pomfrey. "After having a discussion with Minerva, both of us stated specifically to Professor Umbridge that during your diagnostic process, an error was made, and therefore you were incorrectly diagnosed. I told her that I fully intended to amend my diagnosis."
"You lied to Professor Umbridge?" asked Lizzie, keeping her voice low. "At the request of Professor McGonagall. She has a real soft spot for you," said Madame Pomfrey, smiling at Lizzie. Lizzie thought of what McGonagall had told her before breakfast about acting normal, and the horrible smile Umbridge had given her, as she felt another sharp stab of pain in her stomach. "Are you all right?" asked Madame Pomfrey. "You look awfully pale…."
"It's nothing," said Lizzie. "It's just a stomachache," "Did you eat breakfast?" asked Madame Pomfrey. "I wasn't really hungry," said Lizzie. "I'm just – preoccupied, you know, with O.W.L.s, and then Nationals right after that….."
"Are you nervous?" asked Madame Pomfrey. "A little," admitted Lizzie. "I really want to pass my exams, and I haven't shown in a year. Not since Raven…."
Madame Pomfrey nodded. "How are you doing?" she asked. "Better than I was at the beginning of the year," said Lizzie. "I still think about him, and I miss him, but I've still got Flicka." "I take it you aren't harming yourself anymore?" asked Madame Pomfrey. Lizzie had opened up to her about this months ago. "Oh, no!" she said, shaking her head. "I threw my razor blade out ages ago! Hayden gave me a journal as a present, and I've been writing in it every day!"
"That's good!" said Madame Pomfrey nodding in approval at the fact that Lizzie had found a more positive outlet for her emotions. "He sounds like he is a very positive influence on you." "He's a great friend," said Lizzie smiling. "You've matured so much this year, I'm very proud."
"Thanks," said Lizzie. "How about that potion for you stomach?" asked Madame Pomfrey as Lizzie nodded as Madame Pomfrey retreated back into her office, reappearing moments later with another goblet as she handed it to Lizzie. At first Lizzie thought she had just given her more water because of the clear, water-like consistency of the potion. "It'll help soothe your stomach,"
Lizzie shrugged as she gulped down the clear potion and instantly feel the pain in her stomach subside. The sick feeling she felt back at breakfast was gone too. "Thanks," said Lizzie, handing back the goblet. "Well, you'd better run along or you'll be late for History of Magic," said Madame Pomfrey. Lizzie nodded, thanking her one last time as she exited the hospital wing.
She met Hayden back in the entrance hall as they walked up the marble staircase as he walked her to Professor Binns' classroom. He was on his way to Transfiguration.
Although her nausea was gone, the sharp pain in her stomach had suddenly returned, and it had been mere minutes since she had taken that potion back in hospital wing. Either it was a very short acting potion, or for whatever reason, wasn't effective at all.
She winced and pressed a hand to her stomach. She had her fair share of stomachaches and half the time they weren't too bad, and usually would go away without any remedies. This pain was new, and unlike anything she had felt before.
"You okay?" asked Hayden, noticing that she looked uncomfortable. "Yeah," said Lizzie, still wincing. "It's just a stomachache, I'm fine."
"You could go to Madame Pomfrey…." Hayden suggested. "She already gave me something," said Lizzie. "But it's not working for some weird reason. Anyway, it's just a little annoying, that's all. I've had worse."
Hayden knew that having a tyrant like Umbridge as a teacher had taught her to be tough. Her detentions were proof of that, because Lizzie had never given Umbridge the slightest bit of satisfaction, and the only ones who knew what she had done were Hayden, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Madame Pomfrey, once Lizzie began developing nerve damage.
He smiled as he wrapped his arm around Lizzie's shoulder and hugged her close as they continued to walk. Harry, Ron, and Hermione weren't far behind as they watched Hayden entwine his fingers into Lizzie's like they were a couple. Only they weren't.
"What the bloody hell is taking them so long?" Ron muttered in Harry's ear. Hermione smiled in Lizzie and Hayden's direction. She had been secretly cheering for them to get together. They seemed so good for each other. So what on Earth was the big holdup?
When they got to History of Magic, Hayden gave his usual hug to Lizzie before she walked into the classroom. He watched as the hem of Lizzie's robes whipped out of sight as the classroom door shut and began to make his way down the corridor toward the Transfiguration classroom.
Professor Binns began the class on the Witch Hunts of the 14th Century, and it really didn't matter how much Lizzie attempted to pay attention and take notes, within five minutes, the drone of Professor Binns' voice began making her feel very drowsy within two minutes as she began mapping out her dressage test for the show on a sheet of parchment, while ignoring filthy looks from Hermione.
Her stomach pain was getting worse, and her nausea had returned as well. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate. She wasn't sure if she was meant to do an extended trot across X or canter.
She felt saliva build in her mouth as she swallowed hard, her vision blurred behind her glasses as her hand swept the desktop, knocking over her ink bottle as it fell to the floor with a crash, shattering and spilling black ink along the stone floor.
The noise was enough to attract several students from Professor Binns as they looked up at Lizzie and began whispering.
Professor Binns, however, did not seem to notice as he carried on with his teaching as though nothing had happened.
"Are you all right, Lizzie?" asked Harry, his voice reverberating in Lizzie's ears as she moaned under her breath, pressing a hand to her stomach. "Oh, God! I think I'm gonna be sick…" she gasped and before Harry could say anything more to her, Lizzie got up from her desk as quick as she could, and ran out of the room, not caring whether Professor Binns noticed or not.
Lizzie stumbled out of the classroom, breathing heavily as she sprinted down the corridor as quick as she could, her eyes darting left and right searching for the nearest girls' restroom.
Thankfully she found one less than a hundred feet away, as she burst through the door, her hand clasped tightly over her mouth as she felt bile rise in her mouth and was just able to run into the biggest stall, sinking to her knees and holding her hair out of the way just in time as she vomited severely into the toilet, her free hand gripping the rim of the bowl as she retched.
It felt as though her entire body was being torn in half, making the pain in her stomach worse, as tears streamed down her face and cold sweat broke out across her face.
She continued to dry heave, even after there was nothing left in her stomach to evacuate until finally she stopped, breathing heavily as she lied down on the cold stone floor and attempted to steady her breathing, sweat dripping from her face, mingled with tears. Her stomach continued to throb painfully as she lied there, wrapping her arms around her midsection, and briefly closing her eyes.
In the five years she had been at Hogwarts, Lizzie had almost never gotten sick. The closest she had ever come was catching a small cold last term, but nothing more that that. Maybe this was just a reaction to stress because of her O.W.L.s and the horse show coming up.
But then her mind flashed back to the educational decree and the horrible image of Umbridge leering at her during breakfast. Her eyes wandered to the scar on the back of her hand. If Umbridge had the power to create a quill that sliced open the hand of whomever wrote with it, or create bogus educational decrees expelling anyone with a disability – physical or otherwise – from Hogwarts, and given everything that she had put Lizzie through this year, could it be possible that she could make someone ill like this?
Lizzie felt like she couldn't put it past her. She had managed to escape all of Umbridge's past attempts to expel her and despite McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey's reassurance that they had managed to convince her that she was not autistic, she still felt like Umbridge would go to any and all lengths just to get rid of her.
When she felt like she could stand again, she got up and walked over to the sink, turned on the cold tap, and splashed some water on her face, wiping it with the sleeve of her robes, then swirling some water around in her mouth before spitting it out into the sink, and wiped the grimy mirror as she stared at her reflection.
She was pale, most of the color had gone from her face, and there were large dark circles under her eyes. She wondered if she had looked this horrible all morning, and if so, why hadn't anyone said anything? Why hadn't Hayden said anything?
She had a break after History of Magic, so she could lie down for a bit. She couldn't afford to skive off any of her lessons – not with O.W.L.s just around the corner and the horse show. She couldn't afford to miss any riding either. She had been preparing for the show for months and was determined to see it through. When she wrote to her mom telling her she was going to compete, Emma had written back with her unconditional support and at the same time warning her, 'If you decide to compete in this horse show, you cannot drop out! You've made a commitment, Lizzie.'
She also had an ever-growing mountain of unfinished homework to complete and she had physical therapy that afternoon on top of all that.
Lizzie sighed and shook her head, trying not to get too overwhelmed at how much she had to do.
Wanting so badly to take the rest of the day off, yet cringing at the thought of what Hermione would say, she begrudgingly left the bathroom and made her way back to the History of Magic classroom, taking as long as she could.
But no sooner had she sat down at her desk beside Harry and Ron when the bell rang, and there was a great creaking and scraping of chairs across the stone floor as everyone in the classroom got up at once, clamoring for the door, and the loud stampede of students flooding the corridor outside could be heard.
Sighing heavily, Lizzie put her books back in her bag and knelt down beside the broken ink bottle beside her desk. "You coming, Liz?" asked Harry. "In a minute," said Lizzie taking out her wand. "I just want to clean this up."
Harry nodded as he walked out of the classroom with Ron and Hermione. "Reparo," muttered Lizzie, poking at the shard of broken class with her wand as they shot back together forming an intact ink bottle, though there was no returning of the ink that had spilled out of it.
She wasn't really complaining that she missed a majority of the period. Apart from Divination and Potions, History of Magic her least favorite subject, and she normally loved history, but with Professor Binns teaching it was like listening to white noise. In another teacher's hands however, this subject might have piqued her interest a bit more.
"You okay, Liz?" asked Harry, noticing her pale complexion as they walked down the now flooded corridor. Lizzie didn't respond as she scanned the crowd, looking for Hayden. She found him near a window that looked out into the courtyard that was now beginning to team with students as they went out for break.
"Hey," said Lizzie, looking and sounding exhausted. Hayden frowned with concern. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked. "You don't look too good."
Lizzie sighed deeply through her nose. She didn't want to lie to him and tell him she was fine when she wasn't. She told him practically everything, but on the other hand, she didn't want to worry him either.
Feeling it would be better just to be honest with him, Lizzie sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me…maybe I'm coming down with something. I started to feel nauseous during History of Magic….." "Go to Madame Pomfrey," said Hayden reiterating what he had said that morning. "I told you, I already did, and she gave me something for it, but I don't think it's working." "How do you mean?" asked Hayden. "I ended up being sick," said Lizzie, sounding horribly embarrassed to be telling him this.
"Not in class?" asked Hayden, sounding concerned now. "No," said Lizzie. "I managed to make it to the loo, but…." She closed her eyes as the pain she felt back in the girls bathroom clung to her. "It really hurt," she said. "Come here," said Hayden as Lizzie walked forward as he placed a hand on her forehead and the sides of her face.
"You're burning up," he said, still frowning concernedly at her. "Lizzie, are you sure you're okay?"
Lizzie would have given anything to tell him 'yes', but she knew she'd be lying if she did, and the only time she had ever lied to him was when it came to her detentions with Umbridge, and even then it was extremely hard to tell him the truth.
Then there was this part of her that was half-convinced that was quite possibly due to stress over everything she had to deal with at the moment; homework, O.W.L.s, the horse show, and then there was this nagging feeling she had that was telling her that Umbridge might be doing something to make her ill.
But hadn't Umbridge's main goal all this time had been to get her kicked out of school? If so, Lizzie couldn't figure out what she was hoping to achieve by simply making her ill. Perhaps she was just trying to toy with her like a cat would with a ball of string.
But making any kind of accusations like that against her was heading into dangerous territory, and would almost guarantee her expulsion from Hogwarts and she had narrowly escaped once already, she didn't want to risk it again, whether there was even the slightest grain of truth to her suspicions or not. Umbridge had already proven so many times that she had the power to break her.
"Yeah, I'm fine," said Lizzie finally. The concerned look did not fade from Hayden's handsome face. "Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yeah," said Lizzie. "Really, Hayden, it's probably just stress because of the show, and O. . Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Her voice was much more lighthearted now. Hayden still appeared skeptical yet unwilling to harp on about it anymore. He would take her word for it for now.
"I have a break, I need to catch up on some homework." "Mind if I keep you company?" asked Hayden. "Sure," said Lizzie. "I'd never say no to that." Hayden smiled at her as they walked down the corridor and out into the open courtyard.
They sat down on a stone bench, and Hayden helped her get ahead on her Astronomy chart, that wasn't even half-done.
"Umbridge gave me a weird look this morning," Lizzie mumbled, gazing around the courtyard nervously. "Is she still carrying around that braid of your hair?" asked Hayden sounding both angry and disgusted. "Mm-hmm," said Lizzie shuddering. "She's just trying to get under your skin," said Hayden soothingly. "It's starting to work," said Lizzie. "Well, don't let it," said Hayden. "You are stronger than she is, and twice the person she will ever…."
"Shush!" Lizzie hissed, gazing wildly around in case Umbridge was listening nearby.
"If she catches you saying things like that, then it's not just my neck on the line! She could cut your foreign exchange short by a month and send you back to Toronto! And I'll never get to…." She stopped. She intended to tell him, 'I'll never get to tell you that I'm in love with you,' but thought better of it. "Never mind," "Are you sure?" asked Hayden. "Yeah, it's not important," said Lizzie, turning back to her Astronomy chart.
After Hayden had helped her complete her Astronomy chart, he helped her to diagram the Chinese Chomping Cabbage for Professor Sprout, and she was just beginning on a two roll of parchment essay for Snape, when the bell rang for Transfiguration. At least she had managed to get some of her homework done. That left her with a little less to do later.
She managed to slide into her seat just as the final bell rang. It was one of those rare occasions when she was actually on time.
"You look horrible," said Harry as Lizzie was unpacking her bag, pausing in the action of taking out Intermediate Transfiguration, and scowling at him. "Thanks," she snapped at him. "Girls just love hearing that!" Harry looked taken aback by Lizzie's snappy retort. "Lizzie, I-I didn't mean to…" he stammered. "I know," said Lizzie, her face relaxing and her tone becoming suddenly calmer. "I'm sorry, Harry. I've just got a lot going on," "Yeah, don't we all," said Harry. "No, I mean, I've got homework, O.W.L.s, physical therapy, the horse show, riding lessons, Umbridge is out to get me, and….and…."
Her voice was becoming faster and more hysterical as she groaned and slammed her face onto the desk and Harry could tell by the way her shoulders were shaking that she was crying.
"I think I'm going mad!" she wailed, her voice slightly muffled. Harry and Ron exchanged pitying glances before Harry put a hand on Lizzie's shoulder as she flinched hard. "I don't like to be touched!" came Lizzie's muffled voice. "Sorry, Liz," said Harry removing his hand. He had forgotten.
From beneath her desk, Lizzie had her hand pressed against her stomach as it continued to ache. In the span of only a few short hours, it had gotten progressively worse. What was Umbridge doing to her, and why?
Since she became headmistress is seemed as though she was doubling her efforts to make Lizzie's life miserable, and the recently passed educational decree was a new low. She had already made Lizzie slice open her hand repeatedly during detention, failed to get her expelled when Dumbledore's Army had been discovered and scalped her in the process and was now keeping trophies. Now Lizzie had become hypervigilant, looking over her shoulder all time. It felt like there was a bullseye directly on her back
But Harry and everyone who knew Lizzie, knew that she was also very tough and mentally strong. "She can only break you if you let her," Hayden had told her the evening after the discovery of Dumbledore's Army as he helped her regrow her hair.
Since coming back from Christmas break, they had gone past Vanishing Spells, and were now working on transfiguring objects; Thus far, they had turned goldfinches into Golden Snitches, and ferrets into feather dusters. Today they were working on transfiguring lovebirds into love notes and like many times before, Lizzie and Hermione were two of the very few who managed to perform the spell right on the second try.
"Ten points to Gryffindor," said Professor McGonagall admiring the fully transfigured love note that Lizzie had created. "Gonna give that to Hayden?" Ron teased, nodding at the love note in front of Lizzie. "Bite me!" Lizzie snapped, blushing furiously. Ron stared at her. "Are you feeling all right, Liz?" he asked uncertainly.
Lizzie scowled at him as she slung her bag over her shoulder and walked out of the classroom.
They made their way to the Great Hall for lunch, even though Lizzie was still not hungry. She could just have easily gone back to Gryffindor Tower to do more homework, but then again, it would have been cause for concern if she didn't show up for a meal, which she always did, whether she was actually hungry or not.
Her nausea had not subsided even after being sick during History of Magic, and her stomach pain persisted even more still, and she had begun to feel a little flushed.
She sat down next to Hayden and helped herself to shepherds pie, just to make it appear that there was nothing wrong, but the minute she picked up her fork, she felt too sick to eat as she set her fork down on her plate and stared at it.
"Are you okay, Liz?" asked Ron who was shoveling food into his mouth. Lizzie felt her temper flare as she clenched her fist. Why does everyone keep asking me that? she thought irritably.
"I'm fine," said Lizzie firmly. "You don't look like you're fine," said Ron. "Who asked you?" Lizzie snapped. Hayden stared at her, his fork suspended in midair, halfway to his mouth. "Lizzie!" said Hermione scoldingly. Sighing heavily, Lizzie swung her bag over her shoulder and abruptly got up and walked out of the Hall, despite having only sat down for no more than five minutes, casting an uneasy glance up at the staff table at Umbridge.
When she had gone, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hayden stared at each other, looking thoroughly confused and somewhat unnerved.
"What was that about?" asked Hayden. "No idea," said Harry slowly. "She snapped at me earlier during Transfiguration," said Ron. "Me too," said Harry. "But then she apologized and said that she has a lot going on."
"Well, she does, doesn't she?" asked Hermione. "She's carrying twice the weight any of us are carrying, she has a horse show coming after O.W.L.s…" "Plus that old toad's working overtime to get her expelled," said Harry in a low voice. "It could just be a reaction to stress," said Hermione. "Plus she can't stim freely anymore," said Hayden. "She has no way to regulate herself, to keep from getting overstimulated!" "Poor Lizzie," said Harry.
Hayden set down his fork and got up, swinging his leg over the bench. "Hayden, where are you going?" asked Hermione
"I'm going to go talk to her," said Hayden, straightening the neck of his robes. "Hayden," said Hermione patiently. "She's really temperamental right now, and she gets really cranky when she's stressed like this. She's wound tight enough as it is with everything going on. I don't think…"
"I just want to make sure she's okay, that's all," Hayden reassured her. "You don't fancy her, do you Hayden?" asked Ron, smirking. "What? No, of course not!" Hayden lied. "It's just….complicated, that's all,"
He could feel their eyes on him as he walked out of the Great Hall.
"Lizzie! Hey, wait up!" said Hayden running after her as she was halfway to the marble staircase and appeared to be taking her own sweet time getting there.
"What?" asked Lizzie, none too kindly, and still scowling. "I just….wanted to talk," said Hayden. Lizzie's hard expression softened. "What about?" she asked. "Well, you for starters," said Hayden. Lizzie frowned. "Me?" she asked. "It's just – you haven't really been acting yourself, and I was just wondering if everything was okay," said Hayden. "Everything's fine," said Lizzie. There was something behind her would-be casual voice that told Hayden that this wasn't true.
"You're not still upset about that educational decree are you?" asked Hayden. "Why would I be?" asked Lizzie. "McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey already took care of that and as long as I act as neurotypical as possible, I get to stay at Hogwarts. What's to be upset about?"
Hayden stared at her. Even with her causal tone, he could still see panic and fear burning in her eyes "You're still afraid," he said. "You would be too if you had a headmistress that was trying to do you in!" Lizzie hissed.
Hayden stopped, staring at her. This was the first time he had ever heard Lizzie accuse Umbridge of actually trying to do her harm. The detentions, as sadistic as they were could hardly count as such because there was no threat to her life. Where was she getting this from?
"Lizzie," said Hayden in an attempt to sound patient. "I think you're overreact…."
"Look at the facts, Hayden!" Lizzie shouted so loud that several students stopped to stare at her.
Hayden gazed around the hall at the people staring at her as he turned back to Lizzie looking slightly panicked. "Lizzie!" whispered Hayden walking over to her and holding her. "Keep your voice down! People are staring! What facts?"
"She made me slice my hand open so many times, I developed nerve damage! She tried getting me expelled for being disabled, she ripped my hair out and now she carries it around with her like some bloody keepsake! Don't you get it? She's out to get me!"
As hysterical and paranoid as her rant sounded, Hayden had to admit to himself that there was a ring of truth to what she was saying. Indeed, Umbridge had seemed to develop a rather cruel and unusual interest in Lizzie since her first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson. Then Lizzie got detention, and at first Hayden thought that the reason she kept getting it, was because she didn't know or realize that there was a time and a place for speaking her mind in front of Umbridge, as sadistic as he found the punishment.
It was only when Lizzie developed nerve damage in her hand as a result, and Harry by all accounts did not, that Hayden realized the true extent of Umbridge's 'interest' in her, and her hatred only seemed to intensify the more punishment she seemed to inflict on Lizzie, deriving more and more pleasure from it.
Then Umbridge ripped her hair out, and kept a piece of it, but the new educational decree was a new low as far as Hayden was concerned. Not just the fact that Umbridge had the power to enforce it, but now Hayden knew that the reason for Umbridge's cruelty toward Lizzie was because of her disabilities, and not just her autism either, but her Cerebral Palsy and bipolar disorder as well.
Upon learning that Lizzie was mentally ill after looking at her file, Umbridge had even petitioned to have her involuntarily committed to St. Mungo's indefinitely, stating that her diagnosis in and of itself meant that she was a danger to herself or others, despite being stable on medication for two years. Umbridge was not headmistress during the time in which she filed the petition, and Dumbledore eventually threw it out, so nothing ever came of it. But Lizzie suspected that after that, and the events in Dumbledore's office, Umbridge decided to wage all-out war on her. And she was also convinced that she had decided after McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey had thwarted her attempts to get Lizzie expelled via the conditions of Educational Decree Number Twenty-Nine, she had become so desperate that she decided that the only way to get Lizzie out of Hogwarts was to kill her.
Lizzie winced and Hayden noticed that she had her hand on her stomach. "Still not feeling any better?" he asked sympathetically and looking worried. "No, it's getting worse actually," said Lizzie. "You really don't look well," said Hayden. "Yeah, I've heard," said Lizzie. "You wouldn't look great either if you knew your headmistress was trying to kill you!"
"Lizzie," said Hayden, who still, despite everything Umbridge had done, she hadn't show any real indication that she wanted to fatally hurt her.
"I'm fine, Hayden," said Lizzie. Hayden wanted so desperately to believe her, but the look in her eyes was telling him something completely different. "You can't be," said Hayden. "Look at you! You're a wreck!" Lizzie frowned at him with a mixture of annoyance and exasperation on her face. Then the thought occurred to Hayden that after so many months of not cutting herself, Umbridge nearly scalping her, becoming headmistress, the stress of the new educational decree and masking in order to stay in school, could have taken a toll on Lizzie and driven her to cut herself again, despite promising him months ago that she wouldn't.
"Lizzie," said Hayden gently. "I really hate to ask you this…." Lizzie seemed to know what he was thinking. "I'm not cutting myself again," said Lizzie, and to prove it, she rolled up the sleeves of her robes and showed him her arms. There were no new cuts on her arms. "See?" she asked, raising her eyebrows up at him.
"Fine," said Hayden, satisfied and relieved that she hadn't resorted to hurting herself again. "Now that we've settled that. Tell me what's going on. Is this really about Umbridge? Or is there something else going on?"
"There's nothing to tell," said Lizzie. "Really Hayden, I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Whatever Umbridge does to me, I can take it."
Hayden wanted to believe her, but after hearing her rant about Umbridge, he couldn't help but wonder if there was something else going on, and she was too afraid to say it.
Was she afraid of getting sick because that would mean she would fall behind on homework and riding, when she couldn't afford to at this point with O.W.L.s and the horse show so near? Or could she be right in thinking Umbridge might have a hand in all this? If she did, then Hayden could perfectly understand why Lizzie was afraid to tell anyone apart from him. Hayden could keep a secret, she knew that, but she wasn't entirely sure she could tell anyone else.
Life within the school had become more and more restrictive, and Hogwarts itself felt less and less like a home, to many of the students, not just Lizzie.
But if it wasn't Umbridge, and she really was getting sick, then Hayden felt that Lizzie needed to be checked out by Madame Pomfrey.
"I want to believe you, Lizzie…" said Hayden. "So why don't you?" demanded Lizzie. "Because you're not acting like your fine!" said Hayden. "Oh, my God…" moaned Lizzie, holding her head in her hand. "At least answer me this, how bad is it?" asked Hayden.
At first Lizzie didn't understand the question. "You're stomachache," said Hayden. "On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?"
Lizzie thought about it. "Three or four," she said, shrugging. "I've had worse."
Hayden nodded. Lizzie had told him in great detail about all the leg surgeries she had and how painful they were, so a stomachache paled in comparison to that. "And you've had it since breakfast this morning?" "Yeah," said Lizzie. "Honestly, Hayden, I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this! I told you I'm…."
"Stop telling me you're fine!" said Hayden, sounding thoroughly exasperated now. He knew Lizzie well enough to know when she was hiding something or afraid or whatever, and he knew she was hiding something. He just wasn't sure what, and Hayden hated dishonest people. Yet Lizzie was a friend, so what reason or reasons could she possibly have for not being honest with him?
"Lizzie we've been friends since the beginning of the year, if there's something wrong, you can tell me!" said Hayden, his voice becoming more and more desperate.
"Nothing is wrong, Hayden!" said Lizzie, suddenly feeling herself getting angry. "Why do I have a feeling you're not being honest with me, Liz?" asked Hayden. Lizzie said nothing, but merely stared at him. "What's going on with you, Lizzie?" asked Hayden gently. "What are you so afraid of that you can't say anything? Did Umbridge threaten you? Did she try and hurt you?"
"No!" said Lizzie. "Then what are you not telling me?" asked Hayden. He was getting desperate now. He realized that Hermione had been right in warning him not to go down this road, and that Lizzie would push back against him if he tried, and he had never intended for it to get this far, and yet here they both were, standing in the middle of the entrance hall with students passing them, engrossed in their own conversations. Now, Hayden was feeling as though he had shot himself in the foot.
Lizzie still remained silent. It was more than just her fear of Umbridge. Even if it turned out that she had nothing to do with Lizzie's symptoms, she had a misguided idea that being a Gryffindor meant being tough and never asking for help. Perhaps it was the fact that she was disabled and wanted to be as independent as possible that made her think this. And with the horse show, her O.W.L.s coming up, and her ever increasing homework load, she was afraid of falling behind on her work and thus failing her exams, because she wasn't prepared enough.
. Then there was a part of her that felt she had a reputation to maintain as a Gryffindor and wanted to live up to that. She also was determined to compete in the horse show. By this point it wasn't just about redemption for Raven's death anymore. After Umbridge had inspected Lizzie's riding lesson, Lizzie was determined to challenge the results and prove her wrong.
For a long moment Lizzie and Hayden stared at each other, not speaking. It was almost as if neither one of them knew what to say.
The bell rang for the afternoon lessons as Lizzie flinched as the sound penetrated her eardrums, sounding much louder than what it was. After a moment, she relaxed.
"I um, I've got physical therapy next," she said. Hayden nodded. "Mind if I come along?" he asked.
"You need someone to spot you when you walk right?" He was smiling at her now. Lizzie couldn't help it, and smiled back "Sure," she said as she and Hayden made their way up the marble staircase toward the hospital wing.
Maybe if she wouldn't be honest with him, perhaps she would at the very least be honest with Madame Pomfrey, and tell her what's been going on, Hayden thought as they walked down the corridor.
The two of them barely spoke as they walked, which was unusual, because they normally talked to each other when Hayden escorted her to classes or physical therapy. It was uncomfortable and there was this odd tension between them that hadn't existed before.
"You're awfully quiet," said Hayden finally, when the tension and awkward silence became unbearable. "You haven't said a word to me since we left the entrance hall."
"Just thinking," said Lizzie. "What about?" asked Hayden. Lizzie shook her head and said nothing. The pain in her stomach was gradually becoming worse and harder to tolerate. She had already screamed for the entire entrance hall to hear her crazy theories about Umbridge trying to kill her and even then she wasn't sure if Hayden had taken what she said seriously, and even if that wasn't true, in her mind she still had way too much to lose if she got sick.
She was so distracted by her racing thoughts and the pain in her stomach that she wasn't paying attention to what her feet were doing as she dragged her left foot across the stone floor and tripped so suddenly, that Hayden didn't have time to catch her as she fell and she didn't have her walker with her – Madame Pomfrey had been challenging her since last term to walk longer and longer distances around the castle without it – and she didn't throw her hands out to break her fall either as she landed hard on her stomach, groaning as pain coursed through her like blast from a canon as she rolled over on her side, and curled up in the fetal position.
"Lizzie!" gasped Hayden, hurrying over to her and kneeling down next to her. He didn't need to ask if she was okay, the sounds that escaped her and the look on her face said it all. The pain was so intense that she didn't immediately try to get up, but just lied there, in agony, waiting for the pain to subside. It was hard for her to breathe as she gasped. Hayden knelt down next to her and tried to help her to sit up – which took a moment since Lizzie resisted against him for a minute before finally letting him help her to her feet. She managed to stand, but her legs almost immediately gave out. "Easy, I've got you, I won't let go," said Hayden, holding onto her as he carefully walked her over to the wall and helped her sit down again.
Lizzie was breathing heavily as she pulled her knees up to her chest, bowing her head against the pain that was still coursing through her like venom. Seconds later, Hayden sat next to her. He knew now that there was definitely something going on with her, but Lizzie for whatever reason, simply refused to talk.
He heard an odd sniffling noise as he looked over at Lizzie who had begun to cry.
Everything in her was screaming at her just to tell him. Tell him that she was terrified of Umbridge and making any sort of accusations against her would all but guarantee her expulsion from Hogwarts.
What would her mum think if she found out she had been expelled? She would demand to know what Lizzie had done, and Emma knew nothing about Umbridge or the horrible things that she had done to Lizzie. Lizzie had mentioned Umbridge in a letter once, but that letter was sent back to her. So Lizzie's mum was completely oblivious to everything going on.
And Lizzie wasn't stupid enough to tell her. Though Umbridge would argue otherwise.
Also, just like with her detentions, she didn't want to give her any satisfaction of knowing that she had finally broke her. Why on earth was it so hard to tell him this?
And yet she was still reminded of everything she stood to risk and sacrifice if she told Hayden the truth. It wasn't just the idea of getting expelled. She had studied so hard for her exams, and this one horse show meant the world to her. If she were to miss out, all of her training and hard work would have been for nothing. It was true that there would be more horse shows, but this one was really important because Lizzie would be competing alongside Hayden and she didn't want to miss that for the world.
Hayden likewise was looking conflicted. He had seen Lizzie fall before, and he knew that this was a common occurrence for her – he had seen her fall on the day they first met – but never like this. Normally, she would have been able to put her hands out in front of her in order to break her fall. What prevented her from doing that this time? He was slowly beginning to think that what Lizzie thought at first was just a stomachache could very well be something more serious. Lizzie had a high tolerance to pain, so it must be really bad to have her curl up into the fetal position in the middle of the corridor and not want to move for almost a minute.
He wrapped his arm around Lizzie's shoulder and hugged her. "Tell me what's going on," he said soothingly.
"I'm just under a lot of pressure," said Lizzie. "You know, with O.W.L.s, homework, riding lessons, the horse show, and Umbridge bending over backward to do away with me….." "Accusing someone – especially Umbridge – of trying to kill you is really serious, Lizzie," said Hayden. "Do you think I don't know that?" Lizzie snapped. Hayden stared at her, taken aback and somewhat affronted. What the hell was going on with her? This had to be more than just stress.
"Sorry," Lizzie mumbled. "Look I agree she's evil, and the things she's done to you are horrible, but I don't think she would go so far as to try and kill a student." "She hates me," said Lizzie. "She hates me and doesn't want me – or anyone else like me – in the school. She made that point very clear from day one."
"Still," said Hayden. "Even if she did try and kill you, I don't think she'd be able to get away with it. McGonagall wouldn't let her."
"You are so naïve," said Lizzie. She knew perfectly well that McGonagall didn't have any power whatsoever over Umbridge now that Dumbledore was gone, and she was the new Headmistress. Lizzie was for all intents and purposes, a sitting duck.
The pain her stomach had subsided and she felt like she could move again. She didn't want to be late for her physical therapy. She sighed as she made a move to stand up. "Easy, I'll help you," said Hayden. Lizzie had no room to protest or object as she let Hayden help her to her feet and they continue to walk down the corridor toward the hospital wing.
They arrived within fifteen minutes, but for Lizzie it was a long walk, seeing as she didn't have her walker, and her legs were aching with protest.
They began with the usual stretching, strength and balance exercises and then walking, which by now was much easier for Lizzie than it had been at the beginning of the year and she was able to walk longer distances.
Lizzie walked one end of the corridor outside the hospital wing and back twice without the slightest sign of fatigue or loss of balance. "Very good," said Madame Pomfrey approvingly. "I can tell you've been working hard. As a matter of interest, how's your stomach? Did that potion help?" "Yeah, it worked great!" Lizzie lied, as she could feel Hayden glare at her. Madame Pomfrey didn't seem to notice.
"All right, then, I think we'll leave it here for today. You did really well." "Thanks," said Lizzie putting a fake smile on her face as she quickly left the hospital wing with Hayden who continued to glare at her all the way down the corridor. "What?" asked Lizzie. "You lied to her," said Hayden. "I didn't lie," said Lizzie. "You certainly didn't tell her the truth," said Hayden. "Why didn't you tell her that the potion she gave you wasn't working?" "Not the first time I've had a stomachache, Hayden," said Lizzie unconcernedly. "That's not what I'm talking about," said Hayden. "What are you talking about?" asked Lizzie. "I'm talking about how you should have told her you fell in the corridor!" said Hayden.
Lizzie shrugged. "I didn't think it was relevant," she said simply. Hayden stared at her. They had stopped walking, and were halfway down the corridor. Hayden stared at her slightly aghast. "You fall in the corridor, you don't even try to break your fall, and you land on your stomach, when you said it's been giving you fits all day and you don't move for almost a minute – You seriously don't think that's relevant, Lizzie?"
"I fall at least three or four times a week, it's not a big deal! And anyway, I didn't break or sprain anything did I?" "Have you ever fallen that badly before?" asked Hayden. Lizzie was silent.
"Honestly, Lizzie, in all your time at Hogwarts have you ever fallen…?"
"No!" Lizzie snarled. "Okay? No, you've made your point!" "My point is, I think Madame Pomfrey would have liked to have known about it," said Hayden. "Right, next time I fall on my arse, I'll let her know!" said Lizzie, sounding thoroughly irritated now.
"Don't be that that, Lizzie," said Hayden. "Like what?" asked Lizzie. Her temper which seemed to be bubbling just below the surface as of late was reaching boiling point. "This! How you're acting right now!" said Hayden. "I don't know if you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, or what, but you've been acting weird all day, you were sick this morning – and don't even try to deny it, because you told me – and you said that your stomach has been bothering you all day! What has got you so scared that you can't go for help?"
"It's none of your business," said Lizzie. "Is it something Malfoy is doing?" asked Hayden. "If he's beating you up again, or threatening you…." "He isn't!" said Lizzie. "Then tell me what's going on!" said Hayden, his tone becoming more and more desperate. "Lizzie, I'm begging you, please just talk to me!"
She was terrified of something, that much was clear. Then why couldn't she talked to him like he had always encouraged her to?
"Lizzie, do you remember last term when I found out that you were cutting yourself?" asked Hayden. Lizzie groaned exasperatedly. "I already told you I'm not…"
"That's not what I'm talking about," said Hayden. "I'm talking about how you could have opened up to any of your other friends or teachers about what you were going through with Raven. You didn't tell Harry, Ron, or Hermione, and you didn't tell Professor McGonagall or Dumbledore about it. But you told me! We had only known each for a week, yet you trusted me enough to tell me what you were going through." "So what?" said Lizzie coolly. "So, I was there for you then and I'm still here now! Why can't you just tell me what's going on? Why can't you just talk to me?" "Because there's nothing to talk about!" said Lizzie, "Okay? It probably not that serious, and it'll probably go away on its own anyway!"
"You really wanna take that risk?" asked Hayden, his mind still on the fall she had in the corridor and the horrible pain she was in after. "Why are you getting so upset over nothing?" asked Lizzie. "I'm getting upset because you're not being honest with me!" said Hayden. "I didn't realize you were a mind reader," said Lizzie sarcastically. "That's news to me."
"What the hell has gotten into you?" asked Hayden, staring at her, totally bewildered. Her behavior had become so bizarre and out-of-character that he felt like she had turned into a totally different person and he was staring into the eyes of someone he didn't recognize.
"What do you mean, what the hell's gotten into me?" asked Lizzie. "I have…..never seen you act like this before," said Hayden. "Oh, really?" asked Lizzie, her sarcastic tone returning suddenly. "I-In the months that you've known me you've never seen me act this way? You know, no offense Hayden, but you really don't know what you're talking about, do you?"
"Okay, first of all, you can knock of the attitude, because that's not helping you at all!" said Hayden. "When did you turn into my dad?" Lizzie snapped. "Lizzie, I just want you to tell me what's going on!" said Hayden. "How many times do I have to tell you!" said Lizzie angrily. "There's nothing going on! I'm just under a lot of pressure because of exams and the show, that's it! Why won't you believe me?"
Hayden sighed. "I want to believe you, Lizzie, I really do, but you're making it very difficult." Lizzie sighed exasperatedly. "Look, Lizzie, I know you want to be independent and you want people to treat you like a normal person, but lying to me and constantly trying to prove yourself to people by putting on this tough girl act and pushing people away who are trying to help you won't make that happen."
"You don't know me!" Lizzie snapped. Hayden stopped, stunned. Did she just say what he thought she said. "Say that again?" he asked, disbelieving. "You heard me!" Lizzie snarled. "I said you don't know me!" Hayden scoffed. "Really?" he asked. "Yeah," said Lizzie, a cold, hard expression on her face. Hayden stood in the middle of the corridor rooted to the spot over what he had just heard and the person in front of him. Whomever it was, it wasn't Lizzie. At least it didn't look like Lizzie.
Now Hayden could feel himself getting angry. How could Lizzie accuse him of not knowing her? All the time they spent together? The two of them were practically a couple, yet here, Lizzie was, claiming he didn't know her?
"Who helped you when you fell in the corridor the first week of term? I did. Who agreed to teach you how to ride and supported your goals? I did, who held your hand and let you cry when you told me you were cutting yourself? I did, who walks you to classes and physical therapy every day? Me. Who can spend hours listening to you infodump about the Titanic, and your other special interests, and not get bored? Me. Who helps you with your homework? I do. Lizzie, ever since I arrived at Hogwarts, I have spend every spare minute of my time with you, because I wanted to! And you still think after all this time, after all the time we've spent and all the things we've done, you still think I don't know you?"
"You only think you do," said Lizzie snidely. "But do you really?" "You're unbelievable," said Hayden. "Takes one to know one," Lizzie sneered. "Okay, you know what Lizzie? I have about had it with your attitude!" Hayden snapped finally. "I don't know what your problem is, but I just can't do this! I can't deal with you anymore!" Lizzie's hard expressions softened a bit. "What are you….?" "I thought we had something great," said Hayden. "After that figure skating show, I thought we might be able to….." He sighed heavily. "But clearly I was wrong. Maybe it would have been better if we had never met. If I had know you were going to be like this I would have never….I just can't deal with you anymore."
"What are you saying?" asked Lizzie. "I'm saying we're done," said Hayden. "What?" asked Lizzie. "We're done," Hayden repeated. "You can consider your riding lessons officially over. Better tell McGonagall you won't be able to compete in the show because you don't have a trainer." "No!" Lizzie cried as she appeared to come to her senses and realized everything she had said and done. Now it seemed, it was too late to take it all back.
"I'm sorry, Lizzie," said Hayden. "Maybe you were right. Maybe I really don't know you." Lizzie couldn't believe what was happening. Now she was beginning to wonder why she had said any of the things she had said. For a brief moment, it felt like she wasn't in control of herself. Hearing him repeat back what she said to him about not knowing her hurt more than her saying it. Now all she wanted was to take it all back.
"Hayden, I'm sorry!" Lizzie begged, tears swimming in her eyes. "It's too late for that," said Hayden. "You really screwed up this time." His eyes wandered to the gold figure skate necklace around Lizzie's neck. "Hayden, please!" Lizzie begged. "Please don't do this! I'm really sorry!" "Yeah, me too," said Hayden. And without saying another word to her, he turned on his heel and strode down the corridor, leaving Lizzie no choice but to walk to class alone.
Hayden walked down the Charms corridor fuming, not realizing which direction he was going, and bumping into several students. "Oy! Watch it mate!" said an incredulous Hufflepuff sixth year as Hayden nearly knocked him off his feet. "Sorry!" he said as he continued to walk. His mind was racing as he thought about the fight he and Lizzie had just had, and everything that was said and heard on both sides. It was the first time either of them had a full-blown fight like that, much less gotten the least bit crosswise with each other. They normally got on so incredibly well, so what happened to change that?
But what troubled Hayden most of all was Lizzie's behavior. Not just during their fight, but before when she fell in the corridor, and in the entrance hall, and how Lizzie had snapped at both Harry and Ron for seemingly no apparent reason at all.
Hayden had seen Lizzie get agitated, or even a little annoyed before, but nothing like this. He certainly hadn't seen her get this snarky and sarcastic before – especially toward him.
He cared for Lizzie very much so seeing her like this was extremely troubling, somewhat disturbing and infuriating all at once because he knew by now that this kind of behavior simply wasn't normal for her, and yet, he couldn't come up with anything to explain it.
He was still incensed when he arrived in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and hardly said anything to anyone – even Professor Umbridge, though he did notice the lock of Lizzie's hair pinned to her pink cardigan, that she was caressing fondly with her short stubby be-ringed fingers, a wide sadistic smile curling across her slack mouth. Hayden thought back to Lizzie's hysterical rant back in the entrance hall and how convinced she was that Umbridge had a hand in why she wasn't feeling well. Maybe she was onto something….
What are you doing to her? Hayden thought as he opened his copy of Defensive Magical Theory.
Lizzie met Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the greenhouses for Herbology where they were working on Puffapods as a revision for O.W.L.s. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying as she pulled her hair up into a messy bun. She had no excuses for her behavior or the things that she said to Hayden. But she was beginning to deeply regret all of it. And there was no way she could take it back, the damage was done. Especially since Hayden had cancelled her riding lessons and quite possibly their friendship.
She knew that she was in the wrong, and that Hayden was totally justified in trying to get her to be honest with him, and how paranoid she had sounded when she suspected that Umbridge could have been doing something to her to make her sick, and yet she had absolutely no evidence whatsoever to prove it.
She knew an apology was pointless at this stage because he had rebuffed her last one.
Despite everything that had happened and everything that had been said, she was still very, very fond of Hayden. Now any and all chances of them being more than friends were all but over.
This was especially devastating for Lizzie, because when it was all said and done, she was in love with him. This had been the case for quite some time – ever since the pair of them had done their figure skating show just before Christmas – she just didn't want to admit it to herself.
She was hardly paying attention to what she was doing as she extracted a handful of shining beans from the Puffapod she was working on, her hands shaking so badly that she missed the pail that she was meant to empty the beans into, spilling them all over the greenhouse floor where they instantly burst into bloom.
"Careful, Miss Brooks!" cried Professor Sprout. "S-sorry, Professor," said Lizzie, sniffling as tears continued to spill from her eyes. Harry and Ron glanced at each other. "What's with her?" Ron muttered. "Are you all right, Lizzie?" asked Hermione timidly, distracted from her own Puffapod, and noticing. Lizzie. "What's wrong? Did something happen with you and Hayden?"
Lizzie sniffled loudly and wiped her shining face with the sleeve of her robes. "I – I don't think we're friends anymore," said Lizzie tearfully, continuing with her Puffapod.
"What?" asked Harry, Ron, and Hermione together. "We…got into this – this huge row outside the hospital wing after my physical therapy," said Lizzie.
"What was the fight about?" asked Harry.
Lizzie told them about how she had fallen in the corridor and how she had a stomachache all day, but wouldn't tell Madame Pomfrey. "Lizzie, if you're not feeling well, you can't just keep it to yourself, you need to say something," said Hermione.
"Oh, God! Not you too!" moaned Lizzie. "I can't afford to fall behind anymore, and with O.W.L.s in a month and the horse show in two and Umbridge…..But that doesn't really matter because he won't give me lessons anymore." "Hayden told you that?" asked Harry. Lizzie nodded. "His exact words were: "We're done. You can consider your riding lessons officially over. Better tell McGonagall you won't be able to compete in the show because you don't have a trainer!"
"Ouch!" said Ron. "Did you say anything to upset him or make him angry?" asked Hermione. Lizzie sighed. "Yeah," said, looking terribly ashamed. "I said a lot of things I shouldn't have…..I told him he didn't know me…..I don't know what I was thinking….."
She sighed, hung her head, and began to cry all over again. "God! What have I done?" she sobbed, as she held her head in her hands and her shoulders shook violently. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all gave Lizzie sympathetic looks.
All three of them had watched how close Lizzie and Hayden had become over the course of the school year, and how much Hayden had looked out for and cared for Lizzie. Now it seemed like it was all over, and for what? Because she couldn't be honest with him about whatever was going on in that brain of hers?
When the bell rang, they made their way across the grounds for Care of Magical Creatures where they were doing a revision on flobberworms which they had studied in their third year.
Lizzie didn't say much during the lesson. Even as she poked shredded lettuce down the flobberworms' slimy throats, she still felt angry, more with herself than with Hayden. The things she said to him were harsh, unnecessary, and out of line, she knew that. But was it really bad enough to sever their friendship over?
Hayden hadn't been wrong in his accusations, but on the other hand, Lizzie still stood by her reasons for not telling him or Madame Pomfrey the truth over what was going on with her or her suspicions about Umbridge.
Hayden didn't see Lizzie during dinner, but that didn't really matter, seeing as he was still angry with her. Something that his friends took notice of. "Is there something going on between you and Lizzie?" asked Molly. "I don't want to talk about it," said Hayden, picking at his food. "Well, it's probably for the best then, isn't it?" asked Lavender brightly as she and Parvati slid into seats beside Hayden. "You could do so much better."
Hayden sighed. At least she's not a leech like those two, he thought glumly.
Lizzie went straight up to Gryffindor Tower after Care of Magical Creatures, bypassing dinner, and settling into a corner of the room and began on homework. It was only now as she pored over a circular chart for Divination that she realized that she had lost her homework partner too. Hayden always helped her with her homework. Now she had to do it all on her own. "Well, it's probably good that you're doing it yourself. He can't give you the answers," said Hermione after she came back from dinner. Lizzie would have given anything to tell her to put a sock in it, but she was still too upset over what had happened today that she said nothing and plowed on like she hadn't even heard her.
After about an hour, Hayden showed up. Lizzie gazed up at him expectantly and Hayden scowled at her in return. Clearly he was still angry with her over the fight they had, and wasn't ready to bury the hatchet just yet.
At about midnight, Lizzie called it a night, and although she normally hugged Hayden before going up to her dormitory, she didn't even go over to the sofa where he was sitting, and attempt to talk to him.
Hayden sighed as a large drop of ink fell from the tip of his quill onto his own circular chart. Despite still being furious with Lizzie, he was not proud of his own behavior either, nor did he want to end their friendship, or stop training her for the horse show. He knew how hard she had worked for this and how important it was for her.
But there was still this nagging part of him that felt he just couldn't ignore her strange behavior. Her rants about Umbridge being out to get her didn't sound so crazy, not that he got to really thinking about it. Especially when he saw that she was still carrying around that lock of Lizzie's hair, stroking it like a cat, smiling as though she derived pleasure from the immense torment she was subjecting her to.
Maybe Lizzie was right, Hayden thought. Maybe Umbridge has done something to make her sick – a hex, jinx, or some kind of curse….
He had pitched this idea to Harry, Ron and Hermione during dinner, and Harry told him that he knew Lizzie for a long time, and the way he described her behavior was exactly how she acted when she was terrified of something and didn't want to admit it. But what was she so afraid of? Umbridge, or something else?
And yet, through it all, Hayden was still head-over-heels in love with Lizzie – he had felt this way for her since their 'date' at Madame Puddifoot's on Valentine's Day – although he had really started becoming attracted to her before that. When he had discovered that she could figure skate – and was really good at it too – Hayden had realized that while Lizzie's disabilities might make life challenging, she didn't let that stop her, or hold her back in any way. To him, that was very attractive.
Although, very much like Lizzie, he hadn't come clean about his feelings for her, nor had he confided in anyone about it.
And still, flash images of their fight earlier kept popping into his brain. Whatever was going on with her, and why couldn't she just talk to him? She always talked to him when something was bothering her, what made this time so different? Nothing was making sense to him.
Hermione saw him sitting alone in front of the fireplace and cautiously walked over to him. "Mind if I sit down?" she asked timidly. Hayden shrugged, but didn't say anything as Hermione took a seat next to him. "I noticed you didn't say 'hi' to Lizzie when you came in," said Hermione. "We're not exactly on speaking terms right now," said Hayden, dotting an 'i' on the parchment with his quill so forcefully, it punctured a hole in it.
"She told me about the fight you had," said Hermione sadly. "Did she mention that she accused me of not knowing her?" Hayden growled, still stung by Lizzie's words.
"Yeah, she did," said Hermione. "Where on earth did she get that from?" asked Hayden. "I have been with her since the moment I first set foot in the castle," "Well, almost," said Hermione. Hayden glared at her. "Sorry, go on," said Hermione. "I was there for her when no one else was, Hermione!" Hayden continued. "I helped her cope when Raven died, and got her back into riding! I've helped her with her homework every single day – And don't start lecturing me on that I was helping her too much. I never gave her the answers! I was doing it to keep her company!" "Okay," said Hermione. "I got her a journal so she could write her feelings down, and it wasn't cheap either, and that spell I put on it wasn't easy!" "The one that makes it appear blank, so people can't read what she's written?" said Hermione. "Yeah!" said Hayden angrily. "Go on," said Hermione.
"Then we do that figure skating show, and I give her that necklace for Christmas that costs double of what all the teachers in this school make in a year!" "That figure skate necklace. Lizzie loves it – probably more than the Titanic necklace you gave her," said Hermione. "Now I feel like I wasted my money," said Hayden. "Don't say that!" said Hermione. "I was there for her all this time, and did all these nice things for her, and this is how she acts?" Hayden snarled.
Hermione stared at him. Hayden was really starting to sound like a disapproving parent, who's kid had mouthed off to him. "Was this the first time you've seen Lizzie act like this?" asked Hermione curiously. "Yeah," said Hayden. "And I told her that. It was….so weird. After a while, I felt like I was looking at a stranger. I didn't recognize her." "What did she say to you?" asked Hermione. "When I told her that I had never seen her act like this, she said, 'Oh, really? In the months that you've known me, you've never seen me act this way? No offense Hayden, but you really don't know what you're talking about, do you?' I was…stunned!" said Hayden. Hermione looked equally shocked. "She actually said that?" she asked. Hayden nodded. "I didn't want to believe it either, but that's what she said. Every word."
B-but…." Hermione spluttered. "Th-that doesn't sound like Lizzie at all!" "I know," said Hayden. "I had the same reaction. I told her that she was making it very difficult for me to believe her – her words and her actions just weren't lining up – and I told her that I knew she wanted to be independent, and that she wanted to be treated like a normal person, but lying, and putting on this tough girl act, trying to prove herself, and pushing people away wasn't doing her any favors. That was when she accused me of not knowing her.
"She acts tough because people perceive her as weak because of her Cerebral Palsy, and act like she won't amount to anything, so she compensates for that by putting on this tough exterior, but even then, people don't take her seriously. They call her fake and laugh at her some more," said Hermione.
Hayden sighed. It made sense to him, and now he was starting to regret what he had said to her. "She was really upset during Herbology, and Care of Magical Creatures," said Hermione. "You're not giving her riding lessons anymore?" "Not if she's gonna act like that!" said Hayden savagely. "I was really hurt by the stuff she said, and she didn't seem to care at all!" "Of course she cares!" said Hermione.
"One weird thing happened though," said Hayden. "Before I told her I wasn't going to be giving her riding lessons anymore, it was almost like she was in some kind of…..trance or something, and not in control of what she was saying. Then I told her, and it was like she snapped out of it and started to realize everything she had and how wrong she was in saying all of it. Then she got really upset, crying, saying 'no', begging for my forgiveness, apologizing profusely – it was just really weird."
Hermione nodded. She knew that Lizzie got overly emotional when she got angry and later realized what she had done wrong, it was completely normal for her, but Hayden wasn't aware of this because this was the first time he had seen her act like this.
"She told me in the entrance hall before we had our fight that she thought Umbridge was out to get her – she even accused Umbridge of trying to kill her! I tried to tell her that was a serious accusation, but she was absolutely convinced. She didn't want to listen to me!" "She always listens to you!" said Hermione. "I know!" said Hayden. "So, she thinks Umbridge might have put a hex or curse on her to make her ill?" asked Hermione. "That's what it sounded like," said Hayden "You didn hear her! She sounded so paranoid and she was screaming at the top of her lungs – I had to tell her to calm down, because people were staring at us!"
"Are you serious?" asked Hermione. Hayden nodded.
Hermione thought about this, and to her, it appeared to make a lot of sense. She knew as well as Hayden did that Umbridge was harder on Lizzie, more so that she was on Harry or anyone else in the school, then she nearly scalped Lizzie during the discovery of the D.A., then there was the passing of Educational Decree Number Twenty-Nine, and her trying to get Lizzie involuntarily committed for being mentally ill, despite being stable on medication, and posing no danger to herself or others.
"I just keep having this – this nagging feeling that there's more to it than that," said Hayden. "What do you mean?" asked Hermione. "I dunno, I think – I think Umbridge is only – only part of it. There has to be some other reason why she's refusing to go to the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey could easily fix her up in a heartbeat…."
"She's already behind enough as it is," said Hermione. "O.W.L.s are in a month and the there's the horse show the week after! She doesn't want to miss that. She's got a lot to lose if she misses too much school or riding, and Umbridge is working overtime trying to kick her out!"
"There will be more horse shows," said Hayden. "Yes, but this one is really important to her!" said Hermione. "It'll be her first time competing since Raven died, and her one chance to redeem herself after what had happened! Now, I agree that what she said was really bad, but what you did was no better. I think it was wrong of you to give up on her just because you have one fight with her. And she's not the only one who's guilty either! You screwed up just as much as she did!"
Hayden stared at her, affronted. "Listen," said Hermione patiently. "I've gotten into endless fights with Ron. In our third year we fought so much, we very nearly stopped being friends."
Hayden couldn't understand why she was telling him this. It had nothing to do with Lizzie, or his relationship with her. "What's your point?" he asked. "My point," sighed Hermione. "Is that I know Lizzie well, and I've seen how close the pair of you have become since the beginning of the year. She really, really cares for you, and I honestly don't think she meant any of the things that she said."
"She sure sounded like she did," Hayden muttered. "You know as well as I do that people say loads of rubbish they don't mean when they're angry," said Hermione. Hayden sighed. He knew that she was right. "She felt backed into a corner and got defensive, and she is scared out of her mind of what Umbridge might try to do to her next! You know how hard this year has been for her."
"That doesn't make how she acted or what she said okay!" said Hayden. "Of course it doesn't, and she knows that! She feels absolutely horrible about the fight you two had!" "Maybe she should feel bad," said Hayden. "How would you feel if she stared cutting herself again because of this?" asked Hermione. "I can't be responsible for her behavior," said Hayden flatly. "And I'm not saying you are," said Hermione. "But I am saying that you do need to think about how your behavior could affect hers, and the consequences of that. At least she had the presence of mind this time, not to hurt herself when you know full well that she could have!"
Hayden thought back to the day when he found out that Lizzie was cutting herself as a way of coping with her grief surrounding Raven's death, as well as punishing herself for what she did to cause it. He remembered seeing how many cuts were on her arms and calculating in his head just how long she had been doing it. Even though she had told him she wasn't cutting herself anymore, he had to admit to himself that Hermione had a strong point. Their fight could have easily triggered Lizzie into relapsing after months of doing so well. Now he was starting to feel bad too.
"You know that what I'm saying is true," said Hermione gently. "Yeah," said Hayden. He couldn't help but admit that she was right, as she so often was, but he was still having a hard time forgetting Lizzie's stinging words, and he also was struggling to overlook how hurtful he had been to her either. Neither of them may have meant any of the things they said, but it was still painful to think about.
"Just – just think about what I said okay?" asked Hermione. Hayden nodded as Hermione got up and began walking towards the girls dormitory before turning back to Hayden. "And Hayden?" she asked as he turned around in the sofa to face her. "I don't understand half the things Lizzie says or does, but that won't make me stop loving or caring about her. Neither should you."
Hayden nodded. He knew that she was right. He shouldn't stop being friends with her or indeed cancel out his feeling for her, no matter what was said between them, good or bad, but the way she had acted was so out-of-character for her that it was hard for him to shake.
It was true that Umbridge did appear to have a vendetta against her and sure, O.W.L.s and the horse show were important, but were they important enough for her to neglect her health for? Hayden sighed as he packed up his homework and silently left through the portrait hole.
Up in the girls dormitory, Lizzie was still lying awake in bed, curled up in the fetal position under the blankets, her arms wrapped around her stomach, and her eyes screwed up in pain. What had begun as just an annoying stomachache had become twice as bad as it had been when she had fallen in the corridors that afternoon.
The pain had shifted too. In the beginning it had been dull and in the middle of her stomach. But now, it was much sharper and intense, and had started to localize itself in her lower right side.
She lay there, trying not to wake her fellow Gryffindors as pain radiated through her as she thought of everything that had happened today. It was only now that she was beginning to really regret not just all the things that she said to Hayden, but also lying, not only to him but to Madame Pomfrey. Hayden was right, she should have told her, not just about her fall, but the fact that the potion that she had given her that morning that was meant to help her stomach hadn't worked at all.
She had convinced herself that it wasn't that bad, and that it would go away on its own. She didn't need any help. Now as she lay in bed, almost unable to move, she realized how stupid she had been in assuming this because it wasn't going away. If anything, it was getting worse.
She sighed and winced. Hayden had been right, she had been wrong. There was something wrong with her, and she couldn't ignore it anymore. She had to do something about it.
But Lizzie groaned quietly as she peeked out from beneath her blankets at her alarm clock. The red glowing numbers on the face read: 2:30 am.
It was much too late for her to get out of bed and go to the hospital wing. Students were forbidden to be out of bed at this hour, and in any case, Filch or even Umbridge were no doubt patrolling the corridors, looking for students who were brazen enough to sneak out of bed.
Okay, Lizzie thought. Tomorrow. I'll to the hospital wing first thing in the morning.
She shifted under the covers trying to go back to sleep. But she would not sleep for the rest of the night, going back and forward to the toilet every half an hour to throw up.
Lizzie's alarm buzzed at seven thirty like normal. She had just spent the last eight hours throwing up and in horrible pain.
And yet as she continued to lie there, allowing herself to wake up, she became conscious of the fact that the terrible pain and nausea she felt the previous day was now gone. That's weird, thought Lizzie as she tentatively pressed a hand to her stomach. She didn't feel anything. Confused but somewhat relieved, she slowly got out of bed and began to get dressed. After dressing in her robes and putting on her leg braces, she ran a brush through her long crimson hair and reached across to her bedside table and took up the figure skate necklace that Hayden had given her.
With a huge pang of guilt, she remembered her fight with him and the fact that she was no longer going to be competing in the horse show because she had lost her trainer.
As she put her necklace around her neck, she realized that the nausea she had felt yesterday was gone as well.
Maybe she had been wrong about Umbridge this whole time. Maybe this had just been one of those twenty-four hour illnesses and Umbridge didn't have anything to do with it. It that were the case, and as much as she hated to do it, then it wasn't just Hayden she owed an apology to.
As she walked down the corridor, she was also reminded that Hayden wasn't speaking to her because of what she had said and done during their fight. She hadn't meant any of it.
She also remembered that Hayden had put a stop to her riding lessons as well.
Now feeling thoroughly miserable, Lizzie went down to the Great Hall for breakfast and saw Hayden sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table with Molly Cobb and a group of his other friends. They all stared at her as she passed, except Hayden, and Lizzie could help but wonder if and what he had told them about their fight…
She sat down beside Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and began to help herself to food, only unlike yesterday, she picked up her fork and actually started to eat. She had her appetite back too, that was good.
"How are you feeling?" asked Hermione tentatively. "Hayden still won't talk to me," said Lizzie, spooning liberal amounts of pesto on her eggs. "Give him time," said Harry soothingly. "He just needs time to cool off. He'll come around."
"I hate not talking to him," said Lizzie miserably. "I mean, I know I said some horrible things and made him angry and upset. I'll own that, but how does giving me the silent treatment help?" She hadn't been paying attention as she poured herself some coffee and missed her cup, spilling it all over the table. "You sure you're okay, Liz?" asked Ron. "Y-yeah, I'm – fine," said Lizzie as she attempted to clean up the spilled coffee with her napkin, staining the white linen brown. "I'm just….." She stopped and sighed heavily. "I'm fine."
"Lizzie, don't overthink this," said Hermione. "Okay, so the two of you had a row. But Hayden likes you too much to stop talking to you!" "He said that…" said Lizzie. "People say loads of stuff they don't mean when they're angry, and this is no different," said Hermione.
"Hermione's right," said Harry. "Just let him cool off, and everything will be okay,"
"Yeah, you'll see!" said Ron encouragingly. "He'll be talking to you again by dinnertime!"
Lizzie hoped and prayed that he was right as she returned to her food.
Despite Harry, Ron, and Hermione's reassurance, it was still very hard for her to forget what had happened between her and Hayden. It was the first time that the two of them had actually fought with one another, and Lizzie felt absolutely horrible about it. Not talking to Hayden felt worse.
Lizzie's only class that day was Potions, and that didn't do anything to lighten her mood, or make her day better. She got a 'D' on her Venom Antidote essay, and was so distracted that she got her Everlasting Elixir completely wrong, which resulted in Snape taking fifteen points from Gryffindor.
Now feeling thoroughly depressed, Lizzie thought she would take Flicka out for a ride and get some fresh air, clear her head, and distract her.
It would be a decision she would come to regret.
So she went back up to her dormitory to change into her riding clothes, pulling her hair up in a low ponytail before exiting the dormitory.
The familiar smell of hay, manure, and leather cleaner filled her nostrils as she entered the barn, instantly calming her and diverting her attention to something more positive.
When she started riding again, Lizzie had written to her mom who in turn, paid for a full lease on Flicka for the year, so under the terms of that lease, Lizzie could ride Flicka whenever she wanted for as long as she wanted.
Lizzie smiled as she walked down the barn aisle as Jedi poked his head out of his stall and nickered at her. "Hi, Jedi," said Lizzie as she walked over and began petting his copper face. "Bet you thought I was Hayden, eh?" asked Lizzie. Flicka poked her head out of her stall and turned towards Lizzie and snorted, trying to get her attention. When Lizzie didn't immediately respond, Flicka whinnied, as if to say, What am I, chopped liver? Get over here!
Lizzie laughed as she walked over to Flicka's stall. "Okay, okay, I got the message," said Lizzie, grinning as she began petting Flicka. Jedi gave an indignant snort and stalked back into his stall. Lizzie laughed as she continued to stroke Flicka's face. "Ohh, you have no idea what kind of day I have had, Flicka. Hayden and I got into a fight yesterday, and he won't talk to me. He said he doesn't want to give me lessons anymore. What are we gonna do? You wanna compete in Nationals don't you?"
Flicka nickered and nodded her head. "Me too, girl, but we can't if we don't have a trainer – they won't let us," said Lizzie. "Anyway, wanna go have some fun?" Flicka nickered again, and nodded her head as Lizzie grinned.
"Okay, I'll go get your stuff," she said as she turned and walked toward the tack room. She gathered Flicka's tack and her grooming tote and took it all back to her stall in one trip before setting it all on the door of Flicka's stall as she took out a curry comb and began rubbing it in circles into Flicka's jet black coat.
"I wasn't honest with Hayden yesterday, and I said a lot of - horrible things to him that I wish I hadn't said," said Lizzie, now running a brush down Flicka's sides. "He hasn't talked to me since then. Harry, Ron, and Hermione told me not to worry about it, but how can't I? He's done so much for me this year and then I go and act like a total prat in front of him? What the hell is wrong with me?"
Jedi whinnied from the stall next door. "Oy! You're not helping!" said Lizzie loudly, then laughed. "I don't want my friendship with him to end. We've spent so much time together…" Her free hand reached up and gently touched the gold figure skate around her neck. "I don't want to throw it all away just because of a row…..I love him too much."
This was the closest that Lizzie had ever come to professing her love for Hayden to anybody. And she knew that she could tell Flicka because the great thing about horses was that you could tell them your deepest, darkest secrets and they won't say a word to anyone.
After Flicka was groomed, Lizzie put on her saddle pad, Ogilvy, and saddle on her back along with her breastplate and after tightening the girth, and putting on her bridle, Lizzie put on her helmet and gloves on, and threw the reins over Flicka's head and led her out of the stall.
She met Molly, who was busy mucking stalls, her dapple grey Hanoverian, Felix keeping her company inside the stall while she worked as Lizzie was walking along the barn aisle toward the doors. "Hey, Molly," said Lizzie, walking up to the stall. "Hey," said Molly, pausing in the action of shoveling a rake full of manure and shavings into a wheelbarrow outside the stall. "What's up?"
"Um – I'm going to take Flicka out for a ride in the Forbidden Forest – I'll be back in an hour, no longer than that."
"Okay," said Molly. "Have fun, and be careful." "Don't worry," said Lizzie. "I have a special spot not far from the grounds I like to go to." Molly nodded as Lizzie stared walking again, but they had barely gotten two paces when Molly stopped her again. "Hey, I heard you and Hayden got in a fight. Is everything okay?" she asked.
Lizzie groaned. She had been afraid of this. "He told you?" she moaned. Molly nodded. "You really kinda hurt him with all the stuff you said," she said. "I know," said Lizzie. "Molly, I didn't mean any of it, I swear!" "How're you doing?" asked Molly. Lizzie frowned in confusion. "It's just – Hayden mentioned that you were…." "I'm fine," said Lizzie.
"He's still kinda upset you lied to him," said Molly. Lizzie sighed. She thought this was a bit of an overstatement. "Molly, I didn't lie," "And you didn't tell him the truth either," said Molly. "You're right, I wasn't honest with him and I should have been," said Lizzie. Molly's eyes wandered to the figure skate necklace around Lizzie's neck. She smiled. "Did he give that to you?" she asked. "For Christmas, after our figure skating show," said Lizzie fondly, holding it in her hands. Flicka whinnied. "All right, all right, we're going," said Lizzie, laughing. "Do you want me to come with you?" Molly offered. "I could have Felix tacked up in less than five minutes?"
"Nah," said Lizzie. "Flicka's already wanting to go, and she doesn't like to be kept waiting." Molly smiled and rolled her eyes. "Mares," she said. "I know, right?" said Lizzie. "This is why I have a gelding," said Molly. "Are you sure you don't want me to come?" "I'm sure," said Lizzie. "Care for a leg up, at least?" Molly offered as she set the rake down across the wheelbarrow and stepping out of the stall.
"Sure," said Lizzie, as she tightened the girth, and let down the stirrups before throwing the reins back over Flicka's head.
Lizzie stood on Flicka's left side as she gathered the reins and held the pommel in her left hand and the back of the saddle with her right. She bent her left leg back at the knee as Molly gripped her calf firmly. "Ready?" she asked as Lizzie tightened her grip on the saddle and reins. "Talk about a trust exercise!" Lizzie mumbled. "You don't trust me?" Molly teased while laughing slightly. "No, I've just never done this without a mounting block before," said Lizzie. "First time for everything," said Molly. "Yeah, just don't let me fall," said Lizzie. "I promise," said Molly. "I won't let go." Hayden used to say that to me, Lizzie thought and her heart ached again at the thought that their friendship was over or so it appeared.
"On three then," said Molly. Lizzie nodded gripping the saddle. "Ready," she said.
"One…..two…..three!"
On 'three', Molly lifted Lizzie high enough so she was able to swing her leg over and seat herself in the saddle. "That worked out better than I thought it would, thanks," said Lizzie as she manually put her foot in the stirrups – she couldn't turn her foot inward to put her foot in the stirrups, and gathered up the reins in her hands, squeezing Flicka's sides with her legs. "Walk on, Flicka," said Lizzie as they began to walk forward out of the barn.
They walked along the outside perimeter between the grounds and the Forest, before entering through the tress, as Lizzie ducked the low branches as they walked. "I don't know what it is about him, Flicka," she said. "I haven't felt this way about anyone before – not even with Cedric! And Hayden is just…I've never met anyone like him. He's funny, he's brilliant, he's super sweet, and very kind….He's just so – wonderful. And we've only known each other for less than a year! Am I mad for feeling this way about him?"
Flicka snorted and shook her head. Lizzie laughed. "Okay, good," she said, still giggling as she made several fast clucking sounds with her tongue. "Trot on!" she said, squeezing Flicka's sides with her legs as the little black mare picked up her trot. Lizzie rose up and down to each alternate stride of Flicka's trot as they jogged through the trees, the branches whizzing past them as a gentle breeze whipped through her hair and Flicka's coal black mane.
Lizzie could hear the rhythmic 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2 beat of Flicka's hoofbeats as they trotted through the forest. It was really nice to have some alone time with Flicka outside of the arena, just the two of them.
The trees had grown all of their leaves back now, the weather becoming warmer, and the bird were singing happily in the trees. All the signs of winter were long gone, and the Black Lake was fully thawed. Summer was coming, and so was the horse show.
Still feeling slightly gutted at the idea that she wasn't going to compete after all her hard work, she still felt happy knowing that she was still allowed to ride. That was the one thing that Umbridge had failed to take from her. If she wasn't riding, life at Hogwarts wouldn't be worth living in her mind.
After trotting for about ten minutes, Lizzie put her inside leg on the girth, her outside leg back behind the girth, and weight in her inside seatbone as Flicka transitioned into a canter.
They cantered along the forest floor and over various jumps that were set along the forest for cross country practice: brush boxes, benches, roll tops, hay fences and various fallen logs in different sizes and lengths.
They ran up and down steep hills and around trees, as Lizzie grinned broadly, feeling the wind in her face, and the smooth rocking horse motion of Flicka's canter, the memories of her fight with Hayden and her suspicions about Umbridge slowly driven from her memory. Before long, they had cantered past the point that Lizzie had planned to stick to, as she rose into a half seat, not really paying much attention to where she was going, and encouraging a good gallop from Flicka.
Everything was going great until quite suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, Lizzie was overcome with the most excruciating pain in her stomach, hitting her like a shotgun blast, and enveloping her entire midsection, no longer just on her right side anymore. It was so intense that Lizzie immediately moaned and fell forward against Flicka's back as she stopped abruptly, feeling the weight of her rider against her neck.
Breathing heavily, Lizzie made an attempt to sit up straight again, but the slightest of movements immediately made the pain worse. Now she was beginning to regret her decision to go out riding alone. Something was really wrong, and she needed to get back to the castle as quick as she could.
"Come on, Flicka," Lizzie moaned, with one hand on the reins, the other pressed against her stomach. "We need to go back….."
Still doubled over, Lizzie neck reined Flicka to turn her around, doing her best to keep her eyes up as she did so, and they began going back the way they had come.
But they had traveled such a distance from the castle, and the Forest itself was so incredibly vast that the two of them quickly forgot which direction they were going. It seemed like the farther they went, the more lost they became. Everything was beginning to look the same, and Lizzie quickly was losing the ability to recognize her surroundings.
Quite a few times she tried to look up to see if she could recognize anything or see where they were, but lifting her head made her dizzy and her vision blurred behind her glasses.
Her heart was beating rapidly and had started becoming short of breath as Flicka continued walking, neither of them knowing exactly where they were or what direction they were going.
The pain had become so agonizing, and each step Flicka took only made it worse.
"Flicka," Lizzie moaned, as tears streamed from her eyes as she leaned against Flicka's neck.
"Please, you have to take me back!"
But Flicka didn't seem to know where they were or what direction they were going than Lizzie did and Flicka was a highly intelligent horse, and was super aware of what was going on. She knew that her rider was in trouble and needed to get back to the castle quickly, but she wasn't a thestral, and therefore didn't have the innate sense of direction that they did, and Lizzie was so wracked with pain that she was struggling to steer Flicka, let alone stay in the saddle.
So rather than take her rider home, Flicka continued to walk further and further into the forest.
Lizzie became more and more disoriented the further they traveled, so much so that she lost her balance and fell sideways off of Flicka, landing hard in the soft dirt.
At first Lizzie just lied there, moaning in pain, then she raised her head, intending to try and get to her feet, but simply lifting her head to see where she was caused her vision to blur behind her glasses and pain to radiate through her.
Flicka walked over to Lizzie, bending her head and gently nudging and snuffling Lizzie's arm, trying to encourage her to stand up.
But Lizzie didn't move as she continued to moan in pain. Breathing heavily, she lifted her head just enough to look at Flicka standing next to her, desperation, and fear building in her cerulean blue eyes. Go get help! Lizzie thought. Go back to the castle and get some help!
As if able to read her thoughts, Flicka snorted, nodded her head once, and then turned around in the opposite direction, trotting off into the trees. Lizzie moaned as she let her head drop back onto the ground. She hoped that Flicka would return soon.
Hayden finished his afternoon classes, but was in no mood for dinner as he dropped off his bag in the Room of Requirement. He had spent a great majority of the day ruminating over the fight he had with Lizzie, and the conversation he had with Hermione about it last night. He hadn't seen Lizzie for the entire day, and was beginning to miss her. Now he was beginning to understand more than ever how distressing it was for Lizzie to have her routines disrupted for any reason. Seeing each other hadn't just become a part of Lizzie's routine, it was part of his too.
As much as Lizzie had hurt him with all of the things she had said yesterday, Hermione had been right in saying that it would be foolish of him to end his friendship with her just because the two of them had gotten into one fight, and got their feelings hurt. He changed into his riding clothes, intending to go ride Jedi and get him ready for the show, but first he wanted to patch things up with Lizzie. He loved her way too much just to throw it all away He had made a mistake in quitting on her, both as her friend and as her trainer, and he wanted to make things right.
Though as he clambered through the portrait hole after giving the Fat Lady the password, he was surprised to see that Lizzie was not sitting in the common room. There was absolutely no sign of her in the entire circular tower room.
Hermione was though, poring over some Arithmancy and Ancient Runes homework. "Hey, Hermione, have you seen Lizzie?" asked Hayden. Hermione looked up from a large book sitting open on the table with various diagrams and symbols. "Not since Potions," she said. "I need to talk to her," said Hayden. "You've thought about what I said?" asked Hermione. "I have," said Hayden.
"And you're right, I don't want to stop being friends with her, or stop teaching her to ride – She means too much to me, and she's worked too hard for too long to get to where she is now with riding. She's so close to achieving her dream…"
"You could try the stables," said Hermione. "Lizzie's leasing Flicka for the year, she can still ride her even though she's not having lessons." Hayden nodded. "Thanks," said Hayden. Hermione nodded as she watched Hayden climb back out of the portrait hole before returning to her homework.
Hayden walked into the barn ten minutes later, and the first thing he noticed was how quiet the barn was. It was quiet. Too quiet. Moreover as Hayden walked further into the stables, he noticed almost right away that Flicka's stall was empty.
Assuming that they were riding in the arena, Hayden went down the long barn aisle past the tack room and poked his head inside the area.
The arena, like Flicka's stall was also empty. There was no sign of Lizzie or Flicka anywhere, nor was anyone else using the arena. It was completely still.
That's weird, Hayden thought. Hermione said she'd be here…
He walked back out into the stable block and found Molly sitting outside Felix's stall, which was now spotless with new shavings. Molly was now busying herself by cleaning her tack. She had taken her bridle apart, which now lay in pieces at her feet, and had removed the stirrup leathers and irons from the saddle which were now laying on the right, and a metal saddle rack perched in front of her, on which her saddle sat as she cleaned it.
"Hey, Molly, have you seen Lizzie? Hermione said she'd be here, but she's not in the arena," asked Hayden, walking up to her. Molly looked up, pausing in the action of polishing the saddle flaps. "Oh, she um – she took Flicka out for a ride in the Forbidden Forest – said she'd be back in an hour."
Her tone was a little too casual to Hayden, who immediately looked down to check his watch. "How long ago was that?" he asked, frowning, and trying desperately not to be too worried. Molly threw down the rag in which she had been polishing her saddle with and checked her own watch. A moment later, she frowned as well. "Three hours ago," she said slowly, her casual tone disappearing almost at once and was replaced with concern.
"And she hasn't come back?" asked Hayden, praying that Molly had simply been so distracted that she had lost track of time. Molly shook her head. "No," she said.
Hayden felt as though his heart had dropped like a stone into his stomach. If Lizzie really had planned to be back in an hour, surely she would have been back by now…wouldn't she?
The thought occurred to Hayden that the only reason she wasn't back in the time that she had promised she would be, was that she was either hurt or something worse.
Hayden sighed heavily, abruptly turned on his heel, and power walked down the barn aisle and into the tack room, grabbing Jedi's tack and grooming tote before hastily leaving, and walking swiftly back to Jedi's stall.
He set the grooming tote on the door, and with his free hand, unlatched the drop latch, and set Jedi's tack on the door next to the grooming tote before picking up a brush and running it hastily through Jedi's copper coat.
"Hayden, what are you doing?" asked. Molly, who had been preparing to deposit her newly cleaned tack back into the tack room as she set her saddle down on her tack trunk, and approached the stall.
"What does it look like? I'm gonna go look for Lizzie!" said Hayden, now putting the saddle pad on Jedi's back along with his Ogilvy and saddle. "Hayden, it's getting late," said Molly, gazing at her watch once more. "And the forest is massive! You'll never find her before it gets dark!" Hayden stopped and gazed at his watch. It was five-thirty. Hogwarts and it surrounding grounds would be plunged into darkness in less than four hours. Hayden thought of Lizzie all alone in the forest, hungry, scared, and God know what kind of state she was in after yesterday.
"Watch me," said Hayden. "So, does that mean you're not mad at her anymore?" asked Molly. Hayden paused in the act of buckling Jedi's breastplate to the d-rings of his saddle. "I've been meaning to apologize to her since last night," he said. "I mean, okay, I was kind hurt by a lot of the things she said, and I probably said a lot of things that hurt her too. I was wrong to give up on her both as her trainer, and as her friend, and the fact is, I care about her too much her to hold a grudge. She means so much to me. I have to find her."
"I won't stop you then," said Molly, smiling. "Just – be careful out there. The Forest is really dangerous, it's teaming with all sorts of magical creatures, there's a reason why they don't let students in there." "I'll be careful," said Hayden as he finished buckling Jedi's figure eight bridle and putting on his helmet and gloves before leading Jedi out of the stall, and tightening the girth a second time before letting down the stirrups, and mounting up.
As he walked Jedi out of the barn, Molly jogged along breathlessly beside him. "Where are you gonna start?" she asked, huffing, and puffing as she attempted to keep up. "Lizzie could be anywhere!" Hayden turned to her as he and Jedi continued to walk, his handsome face mingled with thoughtfulness and concern. "When you talked to her, did she mentioned where she was going? Any place in particular that she would have gone to ride?"
"She did mention she wanted to practice her cross country," said Molly. "She said she was going to a special place not far from the grounds where she likes to go."
"I know exactly where that is," said Hayden. "Thanks, Molly." Molly nodded. "Good luck," she said. "I hope you find her." "Me too," said Hayden, looking ahead of him at the large, imposing knot of trees ahead that was the Forbidden Forest. Sighing heavily, he squeezed Jedi's sides with his legs "Walk on boy," said Hayden as he and Jedi made their way across the lawn. About halfway to the edge of the forest, Hayden held the reins in his hands while simultaneously squeezing Jedi's sides with his legs as Jedi began to take shorter, higher more deliberate steps.
When Hayden felt like Jedi would trot if he asked him for more, he sat back in the saddle, put his inside leg on the girth, his outside leg back behind the girth and shifted his weight into his inside seatbone as Jedi sprang into a canter.
After cantering a few strides while sitting, Hayden rose into a half-seat as they cantered into the trees of the Forbidden Forest. Hayden couldn't help but feel an air of foreboding as he and Jedi were swallowed by the trees. But he couldn't let that deter him. He had more pressing matters to worry about. He had to find Lizzie.
As they cantered through the trees, Hayden thought about the fight that he and Lizzie had and how strange her behavior was, and how in all the time he had known her – short as it was, she had never behaved that way before. And he had been giving her the silent treatment since then, which he now realized was really immature of him, and he should never have done it, yet because he had made the choice not to talk to her, he had no way of knowing if she was feeling better or worse since yesterday. But she had gone out riding, so that had to mean that there must have been some kind of improvement, shouldn't it?
He remembered Lizzie's rants about Professor Umbridge the previous day, her word echoing in his head: 'She made me slice my hand open so many times, I developed nerve damage! She tried getting me expelled for being disabled, she ripped my hair out and now she carries it around with her like some bloody keepsake! Don't you get it? She's out to get me!'
She's got a point, Hayden thought. Umbridge certainly did seem to go out of her way to make Lizzie's life miserable, more so than any of the other students, even more than Harry, and therefore, Hayden felt that he could not discount the possibility that Umbridge could have caused her initial illness and symptoms, as far-fetched as this theory may be, he could not rule it out.
But as strongly as he felt for this theory and as convinced as he was that Umbridge was responsible, he had no solid evidence to prove that he was right.
He also couldn't dismiss Lizzie's symptoms either, nor could he ignore the bad fall she had in the corridor. This time yesterday, Lizzie had gotten sick, had a stomachache that seemed to last all day with no signs of letting up or improving at all, then her fall in the corridor on her way to the hospital wing for her physical therapy, and for reasons Hayden was still unable to come up with, she didn't react quick enough to break her fall, and the impact was bad enough to cause such intense pain that he couldn't get her to move for almost a minute.
What was going on here?
Also, he was reminded that the school rules stated that students who wished to ride in the Forest must ride with one or more companions for safety reasons. But if that were true, why didn't Molly go with Lizzie? Something just wasn't adding up…
Hayden and Jedi began their search in the spot where Molly had indicated that Lizzie would be. There were definite hoofprints in the soft dirt, yet no sign of Lizzie or Flicka. This was a common spot for students to ride in, and was not exclusive to Lizzie, so the hoofprints themselves could have come from any of the school horses.
Hayden couldn't help but wonder if their fight may have pushed Lizzie to break school rules and go out riding alone, and if so, for what reason? Was she running away from something, was she just getting some air, or something else?
Lizzie was not a rule-breaker by any stretch of the imagination. In her five years at Hogwarts, she had rarely cost Gryffindor any House points, and the only detentions on her record were the ones she had done with Umbridge, so it seemed to him, highly unlikely that Lizzie would knowingly break the rules. She was not a rebellious person at all. The most rebellious she had gotten was taking part in the D.A. along with Hayden.
So why would she, a good girl with a great head on her shoulders, break school rules and ride alone? It just didn't make any sense.
The sheer size of the Forbidden Forest was enormous. It wasn't exactly known how many acres covered the Forest, though Hayden found it unlikely that he would be able to search the entire plot of land in just four hours. That was just impossible.
Searching for Lizzie felt very much like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Since it was rare for students to venture into the Forest except for Care of Magical Creatures, and the odd occasion when students would have a detention with Hagrid, it was hard to map out and determine exactly where to search for Lizzie next, since she mainly stuck to one area of the Forest, which by now Hayden had thoroughly searched and had come up empty. There were definite signs that she had been there, but there was no sign of them now.
Hayden glanced at his watch. It was six-thirty in the evening, Lizzie had been missing for close to five hours now, and he still had no idea where she was.
It was beginning to dawn on him that Molly might have been right. Maybe he wouldn't find her.
No, he thought desperately. No, you can't think like that! Come on, Hayden, you've come this far already! You already decided you're going to look for her whatever it takes! You can't turn back now!
For all he knew, Lizzie could have gotten seriously injured or worse. He had no idea what state she would be in if he was able to find her. God, please let me find her, he prayed silently, gazing up at the sky as the sun began to lower against the sky. It would be dark soon, and he would have an even harder time finding Lizzie in the dark.
He sighed heavily. "Where is she, Jedi?" he breathed as he squeezed Jedi's sides with his legs as Jedi picked up his trot as they continued their desperate search for Lizzie.
Lizzie continued to lay where she had fallen, wracked with pain. It felt as though she was being stabbed and her insides were being torn apart by invisible hands all at once. It was quite possibly the worst pain she had ever felt in her entire life – worse than her osteotomies surgery that she had done the year before she came to Hogwarts.
She had also begun to feel very cold – despite that it was nearly summer, and the weather was very warm, Lizzie felt as though she had been submerged in ice water, and had nothing to keep her warm apart from the sheer, long-sleeved shirt that she was wearing, as her hands began to tremble, then the rest of her body began to shake quite badly too. She felt like she was freezing to death, but how could she be when it was the middle of summer?
And as she continued to lay there, she started to also have trouble breathing, each breath coming out, short, harsh, and rapid as she bowed her head against the pain, her arms wrapped tightly around her midsection.
Every movement she made, even if it was simply trying to breathe, was causing her unbearable pain as tears spilled from her eyes, mingling with the dirt and cold sweat on her face.
The moments seemed to crawl by like thousands of tiny insects. Moments turned into minutes, with nothing but the eerie silence of the Forest for company. Minutes turned into an hour…..then an hour and a half….then two, and still the Forest around her remained calm and silent.
Occasionally, she would hear a rustling or a crunching of leaves, but was too weak to lift her head to see who or what it was. There was no sound of footsteps, the sound of someone calling her name or hoofbeats in the distance. She was completely and totally alone.
Now Lizzie wanted more than anything just to see Hayden. By this point, her fight with him and the things that were said were all but forgotten. Now all she wanted was to hear his voice, she wanted him to hold her, to hug her, and to tell her that everything was going to be all right. She knew that there was no way that she could stand, let alone walk, and she wasn't even sure if anyone back at the castle other than Molly knew that she was missing, or if anyone was trying to look for her.
She started thinking back to the end of last term when she and Hayden choreographed their figure skating routine, and performed it to a full house, and how it made the front page of the Daily Prophet; the fun times they during the Christmas holidays when Hayden had surprised her and they spent the whole three week break together; reading, watching films in the theatre, having a flour war while baking cookies, giving Hayden a violin recital, nearly kissing him under the mistletoe….
Thinking of all these wonderful memories offered a momentary distraction from the pain, which had surpassed a level ten on the pain scale by this point, and it seemed the more time passed, the less and less she was able to ignore it or distract herself.
By this time she was regretting that she hadn't gone to the hospital wing, despite a relief in her symptoms. If she had gone, then maybe she would not be in this situation right now.
Unfortunately, stubbornness was at times, one of Lizzie's worst ever qualities, and the fight she had with Hayden was evidence of that, in that the more Hayden tried to persuade her to be honest and straightforward with him, the more Lizzie would dig her heels in and become more defensive, for reasons she was only now realizing were very stupid and didn't make a lot of sense at all.
Now she was not only regretting the things she said to him, but also, choosing not to be more forthcoming and honest in the first place.
I hope Flicka comes back soon… she thought desperately as she continued to lay in the soft dirt, silently praying that someone – anyone would find her. But as one hour turned to two, then two and a half, then tree - and there was still no sign of Flick or any rescue.
It was then that fear slowly began to sink in and Lizzie slowly started to lose hope that anyone would find her. The fever that she had developed yesterday was now raging, yet she was freezing cold, and felt so weak, nauseous, and disoriented, her entire body felt like it was made of lead, making it impossible to move.
I'm going to die here, she thought. I'm going to die, and no one will ever know. No one will ever know what happened to me.…
She immediately thought of everyone and everything she would be leaving behind if she were to succumb and die in the Forest: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hogwarts, Flicka, her mom, her teachers, Hayden…..
Almost immediately, the thought of losing Hayden when he was the one person who meant the most to her, and the idea of dying in the Forest without getting the chance to tell him that she was in love with him, entered her brain it was as if her flight-or-fight instincts kicked into overdrive. Now all she could think about was getting out of this Forest no matter what. If no one was coming to help her, she was going to help herself.
Wincing, moaning, and in unbearable pain, Lizzie reached out her right arm, digging her long nails into the ground, grabbing fistfuls of loose dirt in her hands, bending her nails back as she slowly dragged herself along the ground, pulling her legs up underneath her, fighting with everything she had not to scream in pain.
The pain itself was so horrendous, it seemed to take the very breath from her lungs as she continued to drag herself weakly along the ground.
Every inch she traveled, she thought of Hayden, hoping, and praying desperately that he was looking for her and that he would somehow find her. She inhaled the sandy dirt on the ground into her lungs as she dragged herself, making her gag and cough as pain wracked her entire body, feeling herself become weaker and weaker the longer she pulled herself along the ground.
It wasn't long before it soon became very hard for her to breathe and she didn't know which direction she was going or if she was even close to being out of the Forest. She wasn't even sure how long she had been dragging herself for. It was as if time itself had been dragging along with her.
Finally after pulling herself two hundred feet along the ground – although it felt much longer – the pain became too excruciating for her to continue going any more. Exhausted, cold, covered in dirt, and in unimaginable pain, she collapsed on the ground, moaning and sobbing in pain.
Hayden had been searching for Lizzie for nearly four hours now, and still he had still not seen any sign of her or Flicka. He glanced at his watch. It was getting late, the sun was hanging low in the sky now. It would be dark soon, and Hayden knew that he had to find Lizzie soon before darkness fell over Hogwarts and its surrounding grounds.
But being out of the castle past curfew and the consequences of that weren't on Hayden's radar. His sole focus right now was to find Lizzie. Nothing else mattered until he found her.
What if he found Lizzie and she was sick or hurt? Or what if some magical creature like a centaur got a hold of her? What if she was…..He could not face the third possibility.
An object glinted in the dirt, and caught Hayden's eye as he looked down at the ground and saw something shiny and gold glimmering from beneath the dirt.
"Whoa, Jedi, easy," said Hayden, gently pulling back on the reins as Jedi stopped as he dismounted, leading Jedi over to where the strange gold glint was coming from. He reached into the soft sand and pulled out a gold necklace, brushing the dirt off of it and staring at it.
The pendant was shaped like a figure skate with many tiny diamonds along the blade of the skate, though as he looked closer he realized that some of them were missing.
Hayden felt a chill go down his spine as he recognized the necklace.
It was the necklace he had given Lizzie for Christmas – a symbolic reminder of how they fell in love choreographing and performing their figure skating program together.
Lizzie wore this necklace every single day, only taking it off when she slept and when she showered. It was a custom piece, and very dear to Lizzie's heart.
He examined the chain and saw that the clasp was broken. Then as he looked back to where he had found it, he realized that there was a depression in the dirt, like someone had fallen and landed there.
Curiously, Hayden walked over to the depression in the ground, staring at it. He also noticed there were definite hoofprints nearby as well, and this was far from where any student would normally take their horses. The risk of getting lost this far in was too great, and the trees were so thick it was hard to see where you were or which direction you were going.
Did Lizzie fall off Flicka, get her foot caught in the stirrup and was dragged? Or did she get hurt and try and drag herself? If so, where did she go?
Hayden sighed and stood up, looking out into the dense Forest. "Lizzie!" he called, his voice becoming high-pitched and emotional as panic began to rise in his chest. "Flicka!"
No answer.
Hayden tucked the broken necklace into the pocket of his riding breeches, and was just about to put his foot in the stirrup to mount up on Jedi again, when he heard a strange sound echo through the trees. It sounded like hoofbeats, and after a moment, he could hear the distinct sound of a horse whinnying.
Centaurs! thought Hayden, as he heard the galloping and the whinnying come closer. But as he stared, he saw a black shape weave in and out of the trees, coming closer and closer to him until Hayden was able to make out a black horse wearing a burgundy saddle pad, matching brushing boots, black saddle, breastplate, and bridle, running through the trees, snorting, and whinnying the stirrup irons clanging against her sides.
It was Flicka – and Lizzie wasn't with her.
"Flicka?" asked Hayden in disbelief as the little black mustang came closer and closer to him. He had just spent the whole of nearly three hours searching for her! But where was Lizzie?
The only conclusion that Hayden was able to come to was that Lizzie, at some point during her ride, must have fallen off. But how? Flicka was very well-trained – practically bombproof – with a wonderful temperament, not marish at all, so it seemed highly improbable that she got bucked or reared off.
Something must have happened to her….But what?
Flicka stopped a few feet from Hayden and began to rear and whinny, obviously panicked. He cautiously approached her with his hands out in front of him. "Easy, Flicka, it's okay," said Hayden soothingly as he reached out to pet her. "Good girl, it's okay. Shh…."
Flicka nickered and dropped her head slightly as Hayden continued to pet her. Jedi whinnied as he walked up to her as Flicka raised her head, and Jedi's bay muzzle gently touched hers, as both horses nickered softly as though happy to see each other.
"Flicka what are you doing out here? Where's Lizzie?" asked Hayden, holding onto the cheekpieces of Flicka's bridle. "Where is she, Flicka? What happened?" asked Hayden desperately, staring into Flicka's large brown eyes. Flicka whinnied and suddenly turned around and galloped off into the trees. Hayden hastily mounted up on Jedi and cantered after Flicka.
He followed her a short distance into a clearing where there, lying on her side was Lizzie. She was moaning in pain with her arms wrapped around her stomach, her skin was white as a sheet and she was shaking violently.
Hayden sighed with relief. He was happy that he finally found her, though he could tell immediately by the way she was lying on the ground and the way she was moaning was that there was something really wrong. He worried that she might have sprained a wrist or an ankle, broken a bone or possibly dislocated a shoulder. He did not immediately notice how desperately she was clutching at her midsection.
"Lizzie!" gasped Hayden as he quickly dismounted Jedi, and walked quickly over to where she lay in the dirt. Almost three hours had gone by since she had stopped there, and she was in so much pain that it took her a minute to realize that he was there. Earlier she though she had hard someone call her name, but she dismissed it as nothing, and thought she was just hearing things.
She only became aware of Hayden's presence when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder as she slowly looked up. Her vision was somewhat blurred behind her glasses as she blinked hard and her vision became clearer, just enough to see him. "Hayden?" she said weakly as she moaned and curled up into a tighter ball on the ground.
She was so happy to see him, and at the same time, there was a part of her that couldn't believe it was him. Just yesterday the two of them had gotten into the biggest fight – the only fight they ever had, which resulted in Hayden cancelling Lizzie's riding lessons and predominantly their friendship – or at least that had been how Lizzie had interpreted it at the time – There was a part of her that thought she must be hallucinating. She had to be! After all, Hayden hadn't spoken to her since yesterday.
"I'm so sorry, Lizzie," Hayden whispered, and Lizzie could tell by the emotion in his voice that he was struggling not to cry. "I'm so sorry…."
Lizzie opened her mouth to respond but a moan of pain escaped her instead.
"My stomach," she moaned. "It hurts so much!" She was breathing heavily as she lay on the ground, trying with everything she had not to pass out.
"Lizzie, how long have you been out here?" asked Hayden. Lizzie shook her head as she struggled to remember. She had been lying on the ground for such an extended period that she had lost track of time. "An hour," she said finally. "I dunno – maybe two?"
Hayden frowned. He had been searching for her for nearly four hours. He gently put a hand on her shoulder. "No, Liz," he said gently. "You can't have been gone for only two hours, because I've been searching for you for nearly four,"
Lizzie looked terribly confused and even scared now. It was almost as if chunks of time had been removed from her memory. She remembered going to the stables and taking Flicka out for a ride, then her stomach hurting, but she had absolutely no memory of the time that had passed after that.
Seeing her lie there triggered a flood of questions to enter Hayden's brain. What could have happened between yesterday and now to have her end up in this situation? And how could she have gone from being okay to like this, so suddenly? How did she fall off Flicka? What on earth happened?
What Hayden did know was that he needed to get Lizzie out of the Forest as quickly as he could. The sun was setting lower and lower against the sky and they were losing daylight. It would be harder to find their way back in the pitch darkness.
He wasn't sure exactly how he planned on getting her out. Lizzie was in too much pain to stand, let alone move by herself. He would have to carry her, and then get her back on Flicka somehow.
"Okay, Lizzie, listen to me. Everything's gonna be okay? I'm going to get you out of here." "How?" moaned Lizzie as she winced. The truth was that Hayden had absolutely no clue how he planned on getting Lizzie out of the Forest and back to the castle. They were quite a distance away from the grounds – too far for Hayden to simply carry her the entire way.
"I don't know," said Hayden honestly. "But I promise, I'm not gonna leave you, okay? We're gonna find a way out of this." "I don't want to die!" Lizzie sobbed. "You're not going to die," said Hayden. He gazed at her then at Flicka who was standing near Jedi, both of them snorting anxiously. Flicka wasn't as tall as Jedi – about fifteen hands - and yet, still too tall for Hayden to lift Lizzie onto her back. He hadn't really thought any of this through because he only half expected to find her and even if he did, he would have had no way of knowing what condition she would be in. He had absolutely no idea how this was going to work.
He glanced back at Lizzie who was lying on her side, continuing to moan in pain. Hayden knew that if he was going to carry her, he would have to reposition her from her side to her back. And given the fact that she was already nearly paralyzed with pain, moving her would more than likely make her pain worse. He didn't want to do that, but it seemed like a very small price to pay if it meant he could get her back to the castle and get her some help.
Hayden momentarily closed his eyes, as though working up the courage to move her. He didn't want to do it, but he didn't have any other choice.
Moments later, he opened his eyes and put a hand on Lizzie's shoulder. "Lizzie, I need to move you onto your back," he said. Lizzie's eyes became wide as Galleons as she shook her head desperately. She knew this was going to be painful and she did not want to have to go through that when she was already in enough pain as it was. "No, please….." she begged. Hearing the pain, and fear in her voice broke Hayden's heart. He would have given anything not do to this. "It's the only way to get you out of here," said Hayden. "Lizzie, please…" Lizzie stared into Hayden's icy blue eyes, and there was a tone of desperation in his voice. "Trust me," he said.
Those words, and the gentle calming way Hayden spoke them, reminded Lizzie of the last time he had said that to her – during their figure skating show, when Lizzie was having anxieties about performing the death spiral, and Hayden had asked her to trust him in the exact same reassuring way he was now. She believed him and the whole thing could not have gone better. Even Lizzie had told him when she pitched the idea to include a death spiral in their show, had told him she would trust Hayden with her life.
Now it appeared that she would have to do exactly like that. If she wanted to get out of the Forest, she would have to put her life in his hands and trust him. Reluctantly, she nodded. Hayden nodded back as he unbuckled his belt and removed it from his riding breeches, folded it in half and held it out to her. "Here…..bite down on this," he said as Lizzie clamped her jaw around the folded strip of leather.
Hayden walked behind her and knelt down near her shoulder, putting one hand on her hip, and the other on her shoulder. "Ready?" he asked. She wasn't, but because of the belt in her mouth, Lizzie couldn't say anything so she nodded hesitantly
"One…..two….three…."
Lizzie let out a terrible, agonizing scream of pain that was only muffled by the belt in her mouth as she grabbed fistfuls of sand as Hayden slowly began to move her from her side to her back as she continued to scream, the sound reverberating off the surrounding trees as many tiny bowtruckles brandished their little twiglike fists restlessly at Hayden. The pain itself was unimaginable as tears spilled from her eyes as the belt slipped out of her mouth.
"Please, stop! It hurts!" Lizzie begged. "I know, Lizzie, I know. I'm almost done. It's almost over," said Hayden, his voice beginning to crack and tears building in his own eyes.
As he continued to move her, there were several moments where he did consider stopping, but he knew he couldn't, so as much as Lizzie screamed and cried, he pressed on until she was lying on her back in the dirt, sobbing and hyperventilating.
All the color had gone from her face as she instantly made a move to curl up into a ball again. "No, no, Lizzie, don't do that. Just stay very still okay? Don't move," said Hayden soothingly, wiping tears from her eyes and caressing her forehead.
He had just put her though, quite possibly the worst pain in her life, and didn't want to repeat that by having her sit up. Then there was the added puzzle as to how he was going to get her back on Flicka.
It would simply be too difficult for Hayden to lift Lizzie onto Flicka's back, and it would also be difficult, not to mention painful for Lizzie to lift her leg up and over Flicka's neck to sit in the saddle, and even if Hayden did managed to pull that off, Lizzie was dizzy and disoriented, Hayden doubted she would be able to stay in the saddle.
Hayden looked over at the belt that had been used to gag Lizzie when he was moving her as he picked it up, withdrew his wand from his pocket, muttering under his breath as the belt appeared to stretch or lengthen. Hayden continued waving his wand, muttering incantations as additional holes were made in the belt. Once the belt had been lengthened, Hayden slipped it under the seat of Flicka's saddle, creating a seat belt to ensure that Lizzie wouldn't fall off.
Still unsure how he was going to get Lizzie onto Flicka's back, Hayden put one arm underneath Lizzie's legs and the other around her waist and lifted her into his arms. She moaned and leaned her head against his chest. Through her shallow breathing, she could smell the cologne he wore and that she had become quite fond of.
She was slipping in and out of consciousness as she turned her head toward where Flicka stood as she watched Flicka bend her front legs as she lied down on the ground – making it easier for Hayden to get Lizzie on her back.
"Oh, Flicka….." whispered Lizzie as Flicka lied down. Hayden grinned. "Wow!" he gasped, looking amazed as he walked over to Flicka's left side and gently sat Lizzie down side-saddle, and supported her back with one hand as he slowly and carefully helped Lizzie to lift her legs up and over Flicka's neck. "Ow! Ow!" Lizzie moaned as Hayden lifted Lizzie's leg over Flicka's neck. "Sorry, sorry," said Hayden as he reached across Lizzie lap and buckled her into the saddle. "What are you doing?" asked Lizzie, her eyes were rolling in her head as she struggled to stay conscious. "It's just to help stay on, okay? We'll be out of here soon." Lizzie nodded as Hayden finished buckling the makeshift seatbelt and Lizzie immediately doubled over in pain, the only thing keeping her in the saddle was the thin leather belt that Hayden had also put a Strengthening Charm on it to keep it from breaking.
Once he had her all strapped in, he walked over to Flicka, grabbed the reins, and began coaxing her to her feet again.
He should have seen it coming. As Flicka stood up again, the sudden movement exacerbated Lizzie's pain as it had when Hayden moved her from her side to her back as she cried out and moaned in pain, clutching the pommel of the saddle with her free hand, leaning against Flicka's neck.
"Okay, Lizzie, you're doing great okay? We're gonna get you out of here, all right?" said Hayden as he double checked the belt that was securing Lizzie to the saddle "Okay, it's good. You're going to be fine."
Even as he said it, it felt like he was lying to her. He had no way of knowing whether Lizzie was going to be okay or not.
Lizzie moaned, tears mingling with cold sweat on her face as she doubled over against the saddle. Hayden squeezed her hand and walked over to Jedi and mounted up as he reached over and took up Flicka's reins in his hand and began to guide her out of the Forest.
He felt a sense of relief as they walked through the trees. The downside was that it was almost completely dark and it was getting harder to see. Hayden pulled out his wand and muttered "Lumos maxima!" and the tip of his wand glowed brilliantly making it easier to find their way through the thick trees.
He had found Lizzie after a near four hour search, managed to get her back on Flicka, and now they were heading back to the castle. Yes, they might end up getting into trouble for being out of the castle past dark, but it couldn't be helped. The only thing that mattered now was getting Lizzie back to the castle.
By now, Hayden realized how ridiculous and stupid their fight yesterday had been. Now he was beginning to question why he had ignored her for so long when he could have just as easily buried the hatchet.
But all that didn't matter now. It was all forgiven as far as Hayden was concerned. The only thing he cared about now was getting Lizzie to the hospital wing.
And he still couldn't understand how something so benign as a stomachache could have manifested into something so serious, leading him to believe that he was never as simple as neither he or Lizzie had initially suspected, and there were still the unconfirmed suspicions about Umbridge being involved, and as to how.
And Hayden was still wondering what had led her to go out riding alone, when she would have otherwise not. There were still so many questions he didn't have answers to – like one giant jigsaw puzzle and only a handful of pieces had been assembled. A picture of what happened here was beginning to form but it still wasn't clear yet.
The whole journey to get out of the Forbidden Forest was so long it felt like an eternity. The sun had fully set now, and they were plunged into darkness, the only thing to light their way was the light coming from Hayden's wand. Lizzie and Flicka had inadvertently traveled so far into the Forest, that even after half an hour, they seemed no closer to getting out. Lizzie could feel the vibrations of hoofbeat from both Jedi and Flicka, as they radiated through her, causing tremendous pain that only seemed to get worse and worse the farther they went.
Unfortunately Hayden wasn't as well trained in magical medicine as Madame Pomfrey. He had brought no potions, or knew any spells that would alleviate her pain, and bring her some relief; the very most that he knew how to do was mend broken bones, and various minor injuries, but there was nothing he could give her, nothing he could do to ease her pain.
He looked over at Lizzie who was still doubled over against the saddle, moaning in pain. Her cries felt like physical pain to him as his eyes filled with tears. Let me trade places with her! he thought desperately.
"How much farther?" Lizzie moaned, leaning against Flicka's neck. Hayden had absolutely no idea how far they were from the grounds, whether it was five minutes or an hour. "Not far," he said, finally, staring at his watch. It was nine-thirty. He didn't really care about whether or not he would get into trouble for being out of bounds. He just wanted to get Lizzie back to the castle.
"Just hang in there, okay? We're almost there, Lizzie. " "I can't…" Lizzie moaned. "Lizzie, come on, you've gotta stay with me, okay? You can't give up! We're almost there, just hang on!" said Hayden desperately.
Lizzie's eyes were rolling in her head as she moaned, fighting with everything she had not to pass out.
At last, at long last, Hayden could see lights through the trees and knew that they were coming from Hagrid's cabin. They had made it. They were almost home. "We're almost there, Lizzie, Hold on just a little bit longer, okay? I can see Hagrid's hut through the trees!" Lizzie whimpered in response.
Less than a minute later, they walked up to the pumpkin patch outside of Hagrid's cabin as Hayden slowed Jedi and Flicka to a stop and dismounted before walking over to Lizzie and holding her hand.
"I'll be right back okay?" he asked, squeezing her hand. "Don't leave me," Lizzie whimpered. "Thirty seconds, I promise," said Hayden as he felt tears struggling against his eyes. Lizzie nodded as Hayden ran at full tilt up the pumpkin patch and climbed the front steps to Hagrid's hut two at a time and pounded on the door with his fist. "Hagrid!" he yelled, his voice cracking with emotion as he looked out at the castle. Every window was alight.
A deep booming bark answered and there was a scratching sound behind the door and Hagrid's voice growling, "Gee back, Fang! Back I said!"
There was a scraping of the lock and Hagrid emerged from behind the door; his beetle black eyes staring confusedly at Hayden.
"Hayden, wha' are yeh doin' here? Do yeh know wha' time it is? Why are yeh outta the castle so late? Umbridge'll have yeh…"
Then he noticed the look of distraught desperation on Hayden's face. "Wha' is it?" asked Hagrid. "I-It's Lizzie," said Hayden, tears now streaming down his face, not bothering to suppress his emotion. "She – she went out for a r-ride on Flicka….alone, and I went t-to go f-find her, I brought her back here – I don't know what's wrong with her, but she's in a lot of pain. Please, you have to help her!"
Hagrid's expression turned from one of bewilderment to one of concern as he followed Hayden down the pumpkin patch where Jedi and Flick were standing, Lizzie still doubled over against Flicka's neck, moaning in pain.
"Wha's this – is tha' a belt?" asked Hagrid helping Lizzie to lean back so he could free her from her makeshift restraint. "It was to keep her from falling off," said Hayden. "Here, I'll get it…"
He unbuckled the belt from Lizzie's lap as he helped her to lift her leg up and over Flicka's neck as Hagrid put one of his large arms around her waist and the other under her legs and gently lifted her from Flicka's back.
"I got her," said Hayden, holding out his arms as Hagrid carefully handed a nearly unconscious Lizzie to him as he held her in his arms and carried her into Hagrid's hut as quickly as he could, across the room as Fang followed them anxiously and Hayden set Lizzie on Hagrid's oversized bed and her head dropped to one side. Her entire face was covered in icy sweat as she shivered, moaning and gasping for breath.
Hayden sighed and turned to Hagrid. "Go back up to the castle and get help, I don't care who it is – McGonagall, Madame Pomfrey – bring both of them if you have to. Go!"
Hagrid nodded as he left through the front door as it slammed behind him. Hayden turned back to Lizzie who seemed to just be coming to. "Hayden…" she said weakly, her voice was barely audible. "Where…..where am I?" "You're at Hagrid's," said Hayden, holding Lizzie's hand and squeezing it. "Hagrid's gone to get help…You're going to be okay,"
Lizzie's chest rose and fell rapidly as she struggled to breathe. In the time it had taken to get her out of the Forest, her situation had become dire, her pain appeared to worsen, and there had been moments when she very nearly lost consciousness.
Tears fell from Lizzie's eyes as she shivered and writhed more violently. Hayden gazed around the room trying to find a blanket or something to lay over her.
His eyes fell on one of the large armchairs in the living area where there was a blanket draped over the back of the chair. Hayden hastily got to his feet and strode over to the chair, and grabbed the blanket – he was momentarily surprised at how heavy it was when he grabbed it – before bringing it over to Lizzie as he unfolded it. "Here you go…" he said, draping the blanket over her covering her shoulders, and rubbing her arms, trying to warm her up. He would have given anything in the world to do something more to help her – or to trade places with her, even! But he knew that he was unable to do either of these things. The very best he could do, was to keep her as comfortable as he possibly could, while they waited for Hagrid to return.
Hayden gently placed a hand on her forehead and was surprised by the searing temperature of her skin. It was as if she had stood in the sun for hours, or otherwise, had been lying in a hot bath for an extended period of time.
And yet, she was shivering violently as though she were freezing to death.
There was no way for Hayden to gauge her temperature, and he knew that he needed to get it down somehow.
He glanced around at the kitchen, he found a dishrag the size of a tablecloth as he got up and used a Severing Charm to cut it into a smaller piece, then grabbing a bucket-sized bowl from one of the cupboards, went out the back door to where there was a large water barrel outside the door and filled it before bringing it. back inside and setting it down on the floor near Hagrid's bed where Lizzie lay.
Hayden submerged the torn dishcloth into the bowl of water, wrung out the excess and gently placed it on Lizzie's forehead. She shuddered, feeling the cold water run down her face as she continued to writhe in pain under the heavy blanket.
As he attempted to bring her fever down, he began to think of all of her symptoms and everything that had happened since yesterday. He was still having trouble making sense of it all.
Lizzie continued to thrash about under the blanket as she shivered with cold and fever, her face ashen and shimmering with sweat as she squeezed Hayden's hand in hers so tight it seemed as though she might break it.
She began to blink very fast and hard and it was evident to Hayden that she was struggling to stay awake. "I'm so tired….." Lizzie moaned. Hayden tightened his grip around her hand. "I know, Lizzie, but you've gotta stay with me, okay? Tell me how the Titanic broke apart again!" he said in a desperate attempt to keep her awake and talking.
Lizzie tried to remember what she had told Hayden last term about the Banana Peel Theory, and how it worked, but she couldn't remember any of it. "I can't…I can't remember," she moaned. "It's okay," said Hayden. "You just gotta stay with me okay?" Lizzie moaned loudly, leaning back against the pillows, wincing. "Ooh! It hurts!" she sobbed.
"I know," said Hayden soothingly. "Just – just hold my hand and don't let go okay? You're doing great, just hang in there okay?"
Lizzie moaned again, releasing her grip on Hayden's hand, and wrapping both her arms around her stomach and pulling her knees up to her chest. "Where does it hurt?" asked Hayden. He had never asked her this question, not even yesterday when her symptoms began. He had just assumed at the time that it was just a stomachache, just as Lizzie had said, and didn't think much else of it. Now he knew that it was much more serious than that.
"All over," Lizzie moaned, pulling her knees closer to her chest. "Was it like that yesterday?" asked Hayden. Lizzie shook her head. "Yesterday….moved…lower right side…..got worse….." she gasped.
Hayden frowned, confused at her seemingly incoherent words. But after a moment, thinking about what she was saying, her words began to make sense: Her pain had begun in the middle of her stomach, and got worse over time, gradually moving to her lower right side. There was something about what Lizzie was saying that was familiar to Hayden.
He began to think about all of her other symptoms: loss of appetite, low energy, nausea, vomiting, and how quickly her symptoms seemed too progress.
"How did you feel this morning?" asked Hayden "Fine," said Lizzie. "So it wasn't hurting you this morning?" asked Hayden. "No, that's what was weird," said Lizzie, her chest heaving like she was struggling to talk. "Was up all night, throwing up…..hurt so much…..woke up this morning…was gone…"
As Hayden listened to Lizzie and thought about what she was saying, the pieces of this strange puzzle began to slowly fit together.
Everything Lizzie had said reminded him of an experience he had himself two years ago. He had gone through the exact same thing as Lizzie. The symptoms were identical, and if he was right about this….He glanced desperately at the door, silently praying that Hagrid would return. Lizzie's life could depend on it.
Hayden reached into his pocket and pulled out Lizzie's figure skate necklace. "I found this…..on the ground when I was out looking for you," he said, showing it to her.
"My necklace," said Lizzie. "I – I was…I was wearing it." Hayden nodded. "Do you have any idea how it could have broken off you?" he asked. Lizzie swallowed and licked her lips thoughtfully.
"When I…" She sighed and winced. "When I….fell off Flicka. She….she stayed with me for a bit before she went to find help. I don't….." she winced. "I don't know how long she….how long she was gone for…..Before long, I started to lose hope that anyone would find me. I thought I was just going to….die there in the Forest and no one would ever know…."
Tears streamed down Lizzie's face as Hayden gently brushed them away. "I started thinking of all the things and the people I would be leaving behind if I did die – Harry, Ron, Hermione, Hogwarts, Flicka, my teachers, mum, you…"
She sighed. It was getting harder and harder to stay awake. She was so tired now. She just wanted to sleep.
"The moment I thought of you, I…..I just wanted to see you…..I just wanted…..wanted to hear you voice…For you to hold me and tell me everything was going to be all right….."
She sniffled as more tears streamed from her eyes. "I don't know how I did it, I just….I guess my survival instincts must've kicked in because….well, I couldn't stand up, so I sort of…dragged myself…."
Hayden frowned. "Wait, Liz, what do you mean you dragged yourself?" he asked. "I didn't know anyone was looking for me," said Lizzie. "And it was like I said, I started to lose hope that anyone would…would find me…I didn't want to die, and I wanted to see you again, so I figured if no one was going to help me…"
"Then you would help yourself," said Hayden. Lizzie nodded. He understood but what he still couldn't wrap his brain around was how Lizzie could have dragged herself two hundred feet if her pain level was off the charts? And how could she handle that, if she could barely handle being moved from her side to her back?
But then Hayden was reminded of the day he discovered that Lizzie could figure skate. It had been a defining moment in their relationship, because that was the moment when he realized that despite Lizzie's Cerebral Palsy, amongst her other disabilities, her will and determination was as strong as reinforced steel. If she made up her mind to do something, she was going to do it – nothing and no one was going to stop her. Even if she had one foot in death's door.
If she could learn to figure skate, even when all the odds of success were against her, then there was absolutely no doubt in Hayden's mind that if she could find the inner strength to do that and not quit, then there was no reason why Lizzie wouldn't find the strength to save herself in a situation like that. Now Hayden understood completely why the Sorting Hat had decided to put her in Gryffindor, and that just made him love her even more.
Lizzie began too swallow hard as she became paler still and it didn't take long for Hayden to realize that she was fighting not to be sick. "Oh, God!" Hayden gasped as he frantically looked around the room for a bucket or something for Lizzie to relieve herself in.
Thankfully, there was a bucket the sized of a bourbon barrel sitting near the back door as Hayden seized it and set it in front of Lizzie as she laned over the edge of the mattress and vomited. She groaned between each heave, pain wracking her entire body. Hayden rubbed her back as Lizzie dry heaved for a few minutes before lifting her head, and Hayden helped her to lie down again, gently dabbing her face and mouth with the wet cloth. It was only a moment later that there was a vivid red stain on the cloth. Something that looked horribly like –
"Blood…..Oh, God, Lizzie!" he gasped holding her hand in his. What was he going to do? He couldn't carry her all the way up to the castle himself. Lizzie didn't have that kind of time, he was almost certain of that, and yet there was no sign of Hagrid returning anytime soon.
Lizzie moaned. "Where's Hagrid?" she asked. "He's coming, just hang in there, okay?" asked Hayden. "I can't!" whimpered Lizzie. "It hurts so much!" "I know," said Hayden caressing Lizzie's face. "You've gotta hang in there, Lizzie," Lizzie tried to smile at him, but it was replaced almost immediately with a grimace of pain.
Hayden was still thinking about how Lizzie mentioned her pain had shifted to her right side and how he remembered his own experience with the same thing and what it turned out to be.
There was only one real way to find out whether his hunch was right.
"Lizzie, could you move your hands?" asked Hayden. "Why?" Lizzie moaned. "I just want to take a look at you," said Hayden. Lizzie slowly released the vice grip around her midsection and slowly lowered her hands to her sides. "Why do I have a feeling this is going to hurt?" she mumbled.
She knew this was only bound to be painful, but at the same time, she loved and trusted Hayden with her life. Lizzie had trusted him from the moment she first met him in the corridor that day. She knew she was safe with him.
Hayden was a little hesitant too. For a long moment, he didn't move, it was almost like he was contemplating what he was about to do. He loved Lizzie enough to do whatever he could do to help her, but at the same time, he didn't want to cause her any more pain.
He knew that this could possibly confirm or deny his theory as to what was wrong with her, and if he was right, it would give him something to tell Madame Pomfrey. The other was to do nothing and save her from more pain. She had already been through so much already.
He could have very easily chosen the latter, but decided for himself that he would rather try and potentially get an answer, than not try at all.
He didn't want to tell Lizzie that it wasn't going to be painless, because Lizzie would have been more resistant to it, and she hated being touched enough at it was. So, he didn't say anything to her as he took a deep breath, and pulled back the blanket that covered her, and placed his hand gently on her stomach, and was momentarily stunned at how rigid and tense her abdomen felt.
"Tell me when it hurts, okay?" asked Hayden, as Lizzie nodded, closing her eyes, and gripping the edges of the blanket that was still partially draped over her as though bracing herself for the pain she was sure to follow.
Slowly, Hayden began to apply gentle pressure to Lizzie's abdomen, starting from her upper left side, and working his way across and down towards her right side, pressing down and then abruptly releasing the pressure as Lizzie inhaled sharply through her teeth. It was only when he pressed down and released on her lower right side that Lizzie almost screamed and Hayden quickly removed his hands, gazing at her with a combination of pity, realization, and fear.
Pain that began in the middle of her stomach, then migrated to her lower right side…a brief respite from her symptoms, only to have the pain return ten times worse than before….the pain becoming worse with any movement, and when he applied and released pressure on her stomach….the 'board-like' stiffness of her abdomen….
Hayden let out a gasp of realization. The answer had been here, right in front of him this whole time, and he had been too stupid to see it.
Through all the thoughts swarming around his brain, Hayden soon became aware that Lizzie had suddenly gone silent and stopped moaning. She had become eerily still too. Hayden looked over at her, her face was still shining with cold sweat, her skin was chalk white, and her lips had suddenly turned blue.
At first Hayden thought she was sleeping, or otherwise passed out from the pain, until he noticed the absence of the sound of her breathing. Her chest was not moving either.
"Lizzie?" asked Hayden, shaking her lightly, trying to rouse her. She didn't move.
Hayden held her hand in his, only now realizing how icy cold her skin had become when it wasn't like that before. Fang was whining as he snuffled and pawed at Lizzie. Hayden held his hand in front of her face, but could not feel her breathing against his hand. He then held his index and middle finger underneath her jaw, checking for a pulse.
His heart sank when he discovered that she didn't have one.
"No!" he gasped, panic starting to set in. "No, no, no, no!" Quickly and almost without thinking, he opened Lizzie's mouth, and pinching her nose with his right hand and holding her mouth open with his left, he pressed his mouth against hers and exhaling two or three times into her mouth before folding one hand over the other, and began to compress her chest.
"Come, on, Lizzie, please, don't do this!" Hayden begged, tears building in his eyes. "Don't do this! Come on!" He continued to alternate between giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and CPR, giving her three rescue breaths between every thirty chest compressions, his tears falling from his eyes and landing on Lizzie's pale face.
"Come on, Lizzie! Please, you can't! Come back! Please!" he begged. "Oh, God! Where the hell is Hagrid?" he shouted, looking desperately towards the door.
He continued to attempt to resuscitate her for the next thirty minutes and was beginning to doubt that Hagrid would ever return, when he felt a hand on his shoulder as he turned and saw Professor McGonagall standing there as Madame Pomfrey came in with Hagrid.
Hayden stepped back as Madame Pomfrey put two fingers under Lizzie's jaw. "We've got a pulse," she said. "She's alive."
Hayden breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Lizzie's chest was slowly rising and falling. A good sign that his resuscitation efforts had been effective, and increased her chances of getting through this.
"What happened here, Mr. Chamberlain?" asked Professor McGonagall as Madame Pomfrey peeled back Lizzie's eyelid and shone a light that was emitting from her wand into Lizzie's eyes. "Pupils are reactive," she said as she waved her wand and an oxygen mask was magically placed over Lizzie's nose and mouth, allowing her to breathe better. "She went out for a ride this afternoon. She was gone for a while, I got worried, so I went out to look for her….I found her in the forest – At first I thought she had fallen off Flicka, then she said that her stomach was hurting her, she was in so much pain, I had to move her from her side to her back and Flicka – Flicka lied down so I could get Lizzie back on her back…"
"Flicka did?" asked McGonagall, looking surprised. "Yeah! I mean, she knew!" said Hayden. Hagrid beamed. He had watched Flicka and Lizzie's journey together and saw how close the two had become. It didn't surprise him in the slightest that Flicka would have done that for her rider – especially if it was someone she had a close bond with.
"Is she going to be okay?" asked Hayden. "She's in shock," said Madame Pomfrey, waving her wand again as an intravenous bag and tubing was magically conjured and she turned to Hayden. "What's that?" he asked. "It's a potion to bring her blood pressure back up – I need you to put the IV in," she said, handing Hayden the catheter with the needle attached. He took it reluctantly. "I've never done this before," said Hayden. "I'll talk you through it, but we have to move quickly – find the biggest vein you can on the top of her hand."
Hayden felt the top of Lizzie's right hand for a vein. "I can't find one," he said. "She's too dehydrated – just look for the blue," said Madame Pomfrey. Hayden found one vein in the middle of the top of her hand that stood out against her skin. "Okay, yeah, I think I got one here…" he said. "Insert the needle parallel to her arm, towards you," said Madame Pomfrey. "Okay," sighed Hayden as he carefully inserted the needle into Lizzie's hand. "When you see a flash of blood, you've got it," said Madame Pomfrey.
Hayden gently pushed the needle into Lizzie's vein, but he didn't see any blood. "I don't see anything," he said. "Push harder," said Madame Pomfrey. Hayden gently pushed the needle further into Lizzie's hand, and saw a flash of blood like Madame Pomfrey had said.
"Okay, I see blood! I'm in!" said Hayden. Madame Pomfrey nodded. "Good, take the needle out," she said as Hayden removed the needle and Madame Pomfrey waved her wand again and the catheter was magically taped in place on Lizzie's hand with Spellotape. "All right, now hook up the tubing," she said, handing the IV bag with the tubing attached to Hayden as he connected it to the catheter.
"Good, now squeeze the bag," said Madame Pomfrey. Hayden squeezed the IV bag, allowing the fluid to travel down the tube faster.
After a moment, Lizzie's eyelids fluttered and slowly opened. Hayden sighed with relief. "Okay, she's back," he said. "Well done," said Madame Pomfrey. "Stay with her, try and keep her calm."
"Hayden…" whimpered Lizzie, her eyes darting around and trying to find him until she felt a hand slip into hers. "I'm here, I'm right here, Lizzie. You're doing great, it's almost over, okay?" Lizzie moaned as Madame Pomfrey was taking blood samples from her.
"You said she's been having stomach pains?" she asked, now palpating Lizzie's stomach. Lizzie winced and tightened her grip around Hayden's hand, continuing to moan in pain.
"Since yesterday," said Hayden. "But she said it went away for a little while, then came back even worse. She also mentioned that at some point the pain shifted to her lower right side. I think….I think it might be her appendix."
Madame Pomfrey stared at him, as though wondering how he could possibly know that, and yet she seemed to be thinking the exact same thing. "I think you might be right, but I'll need to get her back to the hospital wing to make sure. But we need to move quickly."
Madame Pomfrey waved her wand again, conjuring a stretcher as it floated in midair in the middle of the room. "I'm going to have to ask you to step back while we get her on the stretcher," said Madame Pomfrey. "I'll do it," said Hayden. "All right," said Madame Pomfrey nodding as Hayden walked over to Lizzie and put one arm around Lizzie's waist and the other under her legs as she instinctively wrapped her arms around Hayden's neck as he lifted her off Hagrid's bed, taking care not to spill the bowl of water he had left on the floor.
Lizzie was moaning in pain as he gently lowered her onto the stretcher and laying the IV bag across her lap.
"All right she's all yours," said Hayden. "Hayden, please don't leave me!" Lizzie begged, her voice slightly muffled by the oxygen mask over her face, tears streaming from her eyes. "I'm right here, Lizzie," said Hayden, holding her hand. "I'm right there, I'm not going to leave you."
Madame Pomfrey magicked the stretcher to move as it floated out of Hagrid's hut.
The journey to the hospital wing seemed to take just as long if not even longer than the journey from the Forbidden Forest to Hagrid's hut as Lizzie threatened to pass out many times, fading in and out of consciousness. "Come on, Lizzie, don't you dare pass out on me!" said Hayden. "Come on, Lizzie, stay with me!" "I can't…..I'm so….so tired…" Lizzie moaned. "Come on, Lizzie, you gotta hang in there okay?" Hayden begged desperately, wishing they could move faster.
He never dreamed that there would come a day when he would have to force Lizzie to make eye contact with him. But unfortunately, this was one of those times.
"Lizzie, listen to me, just look at me, okay? Don't take your eyes off me. You're going to be fine. Just hold my hand and don't let go!" said Hayden as he maintained a firm grip on her hand.
Lizzie tightened her grip on his hand and did everything she could to keep her eyes on him. The effort to stay awake was so hard, yet Hayden's voice seemed to be the only think that was keeping her from completely passing out.
Finally after fifteen minutes, (though for Lizzie, it felt much longer) they finally arrived at the hospital corridor and it was only when the stretcher passed through the hospital wing doors that Hayden was held back by Madame Pomfrey and was forced to let go of Lizzie's hand.
"You need to stay out here," said Madame Pomfrey, stopping Hayden from entering the hospital wing. "Is she going to be okay?" asked Hayden desperately. "Just wait out here," said Madame Pomfrey. "Tell me, what are her chances?" said Hayden. He was almost crying now. "Not good," said Madame Pomfrey. Hayden looked devastated. "Just hold tight," said Madame Pomfrey as the hospital wing doors were shut in his face.
Hayden anxiously paced the corridor, back and forth, back, and forth, back, and forth running his hands through his long curly hair, not knowing whether Lizzie was going to make it or not.
Inside the hospital wing, Professor McGonagall was assisting Madame Pomfrey in transitioning Lizzie from the stretcher to a bed, her IV was hooked onto a pole and four additional IVs were inserted into her left hand, left forearm, the crease of her right elbow and right wrist. Madame Pomfrey took the blood samples that had been sealed in ampules as she waved her wand in a series of complex motions and white dots appeared within the vial of blood.
"Her white blood cell count is….off the charts," she said, looking very worried. "I am beginning to think that Mr. Chamberlain may very well be right. It just might be her appendix. But I'm going to need an extra pair of hands to perform the surgery." Professor McGonagall nodded. "I dispatched an emergency owl to St. Mungo's – they're sending over Sapphire Cassowary, one of their best Healers," she said. Madame Pomfrey nodded. "Thank you, Minerva," she said as she began to take Lizzie out of her riding clothes, and into a pair of pajamas.
Lizzie was very out of it and her eyesight was blurred – and it became even more so when she felt her glasses being taken off her eyes.
She heard a door open and Madame Pomfrey say, "Ah, Sapphire, you made it just in time." Lizzie didn't know who or what 'Sapphire' was, nor did she care.
Sapphire Cassowary was a tall blonde woman in blue robes, and she wore square framed glasses and had emerald green eyes. Madame Pomfrey removed the oxygen mask from Lizzie and reached beside her on a table and held a goblet, and an empty syringe between her fingers. She removed the cap and inserted the needle into the goblet, pulling up the plunger, drawing a strange purple potion into the syringe.
Once she had drawn the right amount of potion into the syringe Madame Pomfrey tapped it with her fingers and injected it into one of Lizzie's four IVs.
Almost instantly, Lizzie felt herself become drowsy. She began to count back from ten in her head, but only managed to get to seven before she was out completely.
Her blood samples also indicated that she had developed sepsis and had gone into shock.
Once Lizzie was completely sedated, Madame Pomfrey waved her wand and Lizzie was magically intubated and then it was time to begin the surgery with Sapphire's assistance.
Sapphire waved her wand and a heart monitor was transparently projected in front of them so that they could magically monitor her heart rate and blood pressure.
"Pressure's already dropping – sixty-seven over forty-two," said Sapphire, lifting Lizzie's pajama top to expose her abdomen as she swabbed the area with a potion in a silver dish that Madame Pomfrey passed her, The skin on Lizzie's abdomen was tinged blue, brown, and red. "What happened here?" asked Sapphire, indicating the large healing bruise on Lizzie's stomach. "No idea," said Madame Pomfrey as Sapphire waved her wand across Lizzie's abdomen from her belly button to her pubic bone, creating a long incision.
"Merlin's beard!" Sapphire gasped. Madame Pomfrey inched closer and immediately saw trouble.
Hayden's suspicions had been right. Lizzie's appendix had ruptured, and severe peritonitis had already begun to develop, causing damage to her liver and kidneys.
"My God!" Madame Pomfrey breathed as Sapphire waved her wand along the incision to clean out the infection. "Poor thing must've been in agony! I've never seen anything like this!" said Sapphire. "Never?" asked Madame Pomfrey.
"I have performed many appendectomies, and have seen a few ones rupture, but this is the first time I have ever seen it this bad," said Sapphire as she continued to clean out Lizzie's incision then began then painstaking process of removing her appendix.
Hayden sat outside the hospital wing, staring out the window, reminiscing about the day he met Lizzie; how they had met, how they had become close, how he had fallen in love with her during their figure skating show. He remembered just watching in awe as she danced on the ice…..she was so beautiful….
Hayden reached into his pocket and pulled out Lizzie's broken figure skate necklace. There was still a bit of dirt on it as he brushed it off and stared at it.
He sat down on the ground continuing to stare at the necklace, wondering if they would ever figure skate together again. And what about the horse show? Lizzie had worked so hard all year for this. What was going to happen now? He didn't even know what kind of state she would be in, or what was even wrong with her. Madame Pomfrey's words to him when he asked about her condition echoed in his head…..Not good….Just wait out here…
She hadn't even told him what was wrong with her. He had literally been told nothing.
Hayden bowed his head as he slid down the wall, clutching Lizzie's necklace in his hand as he began to sob uncontrollably.
He had only been sitting for a few minutes when he heard footsteps approach him. But as he looked down the corridor, there was nothing and no one there, until Harry, Ron, and Hermione emerged from beneath Harry's Invisibility Cloak. "Harry, Ron, Hermione!" Hayden gasped. "What – how are – what are you…" he stammered. "We heard a rumor that Lizzie was ill and wanted to see if she was okay…what happened?" asked Hermione. "Was she really in the Forbidden Forest? What was she doing there?" asked Harry. "She was riding," said Hayden. "Who went with her?" asked Hermione. "N-no one," said Hayden, fighting with everything he had not to cry in front of the three of them. "She….she went out alone."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione all gasped at once. "What?" asked Hayden. "Hayden," said Hermione. "Students are only permitted to ride in the Forest if they ride in groups of two or more people. No one's allowed to ride alone in there, it's too dangerous!"
Hayden sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Damn it, Lizzie!" he moaned. "Molly Cobb told me that she had offered to go with Lizzie but she declined. She said she could go alone. Did Lizzie know about this rule?" "Oh, yeah!" said Hermione nodding. "By the way, you three shouldn't be out of bed this late, and you two are prefects," said Hayden, nodding at Ron and Hermione. "So are you," Ron pointed out. "What's your excuse?" "I was out finding Lizzie, if you must know!" Hayden shouted, his voice ringing off the stone walls and ceiling. "Hayden, calm down," said Hermione gently, putting a hand on his shoulder.
Hayden sniffled, and his shoulder started to shake. "Hayden, what is it?" asked Hermione. "Is Lizzie okay?"
Hayden sighed and his eyes filled with tears. "I…..I talked to Madame Pomfrey when she brought her in and …..It – it's bad, Hermione. It's really bad." He sighed as Hermione walked forward and hugged him. "I can't lose her, Hermione," Hayden whispered as Hermione hugged him tighter and Harry and Ron joined in.
"What happened?" asked Hermione. Hayden told them everything that happened in the forest and how he had brought her back to Hagrid's hut and he had resuscitated her when she stopped breathing.
"What I can't understand though," said Hayden, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Is why Lizzie would knowingly break the rules like that?"
Harry, Ron, and Hermione seemed to be thinking the same thing. The very idea of Lizzie breaking the rules didn't seem possible. That just wasn't her.
Hayden held up Lizzie's necklace. "Is that the necklace you gave to her for Christmas?" asked Hermione. Hayden nodded. "She told me that after she fell off Flicka, she dragged herself two hundred feet…..that must've been when it broke off her."
Harry and Ron looked amazed at this revelation, but Hermione appeared skeptical.
"Did she ever say how bad her pain was?" asked Hermione. "No, she didn't specify," said Hayden. "But when I tried to move her onto her back. – she was lying on her side when I found her – I had to use my belt to gag her, and when I started to move her, she let out this…God awful scream. It was horrible. I hate myself for putting her through that." "You did what you had to," said Harry. "Poor Lizzie!" said Hermione. "But – if her pain was that bad, how could she move herself a few inches, let along two hundred feet? She wouldn't have been able to!"
It was only now that Hayden was beginning to realize that while Lizzie considered Hermione one of her closest friends, Hermione was just as guilty of underestimating Lizzie as much as the rest of the student body at Hogwarts as well as the teachers.
Everyone in the school seemed to have blinders on all the time, and perceived Lizzie as 'weak' and 'incapable' because of her challenges.
And because of Lizzie's tremendous display of courage and determination hadn't been witnessed by anyone in the Forest, and Hermione was the kind of person that didn't believe in things unless the proof was right in front of her, according to her, if she didn't see it, then it didn't happen. Hayden's word alone wasn't enough to convince her – even if Lizzie was a friend.
Hayden couldn't help but admit that Luna had been right about Hermione; she was close-minded and Lizzie was her friend.
He sighed as he turned against the wall again and sank to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his face. Harry could tell by the way his shoulders were shaking uncontrollably that he was sobbing
Inside the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey and Sapphire had successfully removed Lizzie's appendix, had vacuumed out the infection, and had started her on an extremely aggressive regiment of antibiotic potions to combat the sepsis.
However Lizzie's blood pressure continued to drop to a dangerous level. They fed her more medication, trying desperately to bring it back up, but it was doing little good.
"Pressure's still dropping – sixty-six over forty five," said Sapphire. "Almost done," said Madame Pomfrey as the inserted a drainage tube into Lizzie's open incision.
Then there were several fast beeps from her heart monitor and then one shrill long beep as Madame Pomfrey looked up at Lizzie's heart monitor. She was flatlining. "We're losing her!" said Sapphire as Madame Pomfrey quickly took out her wand and pointed it at Lizzie's chest, and there was a sound similar to a defibrillator could be heard, yet, Lizzie's heartbeat did not return.
Madame Pomfrey tried again…..still nothing….and again…nothing… again…nothing still…
Lizzie could feel herself floating upward above the hospital wing. She could see Sapphire and Madame Pomfrey working on her…..
She was walking down the aisle that divided the four House tables in the Great Hall with the rest of the first years, gazing around at the marvel and splendor of the room. The ceiling looked like the sky outside inky black and studded with stars like many tiny diamonds.
'It's not real, the ceiling,' said Hermione, who back then had bushy hair. 'It's just bewitched to look like the night sky.'
They walked up the steps to the podium where a stool stood, atop which was perched a battered old witches hat.
Professor McGonagall unrolled a large scroll and looked up at the crowd of students standing before her. 'When I call your name, you will come forth, I shall place the Sorting Hat on your head, and you will be sorted into your Houses – Elizabeth Brooks!'
Lizzie was as white as a sheet as she swallowed hard and was assisted by Professor McGonagall up the stairs and setting her walker to one side as she sat on the stool and the Sorting Hat was placed on her head.
'Hmmm, difficult, very difficult,' said the Sorting Hat in her ear. 'I sense a great deal of intelligence in you, very brave and strong-willed as well. Your challenges do not hold you back, and you are capable of a great many things. Yes, indeed, yes, indeed. Hmmm…yes, I think I know where to put you…GRYFFINDOR!'
There was applause from the Gryffindor table as Fred and George stood up and graciously helped Lizzie to her seat…
The scene seemed to dissolve as Lizzie walked along the rocky shores of the Black Lake, a gentle breeze cooling her face and running through her hair as she walked. The sky was a pale cloudless blue and the birds were singing as the wind rustled the branches of the trees…
A horse whinnied in the distance behind her a she became aware of the sound of hoofbeats galloping behind her as she slowly turned…
A jet black horse was galloping straight for her…coming nearer and nearer, not bothering to slow down, nor did he seem to notice that there was a human in his path…..As the horse ran up to Lizzie, she overbalanced as her walker toppled backward and Lizzie fell right on top of it, landing hard on the metal bars that comprised it as the horse whinnied and reared, and she noticed an unusual marking just below his chest; a splotch of white in the shape of an unlocked padlock….
Cautiously, Lizzie slowly got to her feet and slowly began to approach the wild stallion who was snorting and pawing at the rocky ground. 'Easy, boy, it's okay,' said Lizzie soothingly. 'I'm not going to hurt you, calm down.'
She walked closer to him as she reached out and held his enormous black face in her hands as he lowered his head as Lizzie began petting him, nickering softly. She noticed he was wearing a leather halter with a name plate. In bold letters read the name, RAVEN. 'Raven eh?" asked Lizzie as she continued to pet him. 'Where did you come from? Who do you belong to?'
Raven continued to nicker softly as the bell rang across the grounds. 'I've gotta head back, boy,' said Lizzie as she stood her walker up again. 'I guess I'll see you later.'
She turned and began walking back to the castle. The black horse snorted and began to follow her….The day she first met Raven…..
Every memory played out in her head one after another like a time lapse; the day she won her first horse show with Raven….the day that Cedric got picked to the Triwizard Tournament…..She and Cedric dancing at the Yule Ball…..Harry bringing Cedric's body back after the Third Task and his ordeal in the graveyard when Voldemort returned…her last show with Raven….watching him be put down…The first time she saw thestrals…meeting Hayden when she fell in the corridor….cutting herself, and then Hayden finding out about it, and consoling her….her first ride on Flicka…playing around with her in the paddock and getting her to follow her around…..figure skating with Hayden…Almost kissing him….
Madame Pomfrey sighed and gazed at Sapphire who shook her head. They had done all they could, but Lizzie was dead. It wasn't the first time that a student at Hogwarts had died, however Lizzie was very well-known, and very well liked by many of the students and teachers. It would be a tragedy if she were to die; not to mention the emotional toll it would take on her family and friends.
"Should I call it?" asked Sapphire, gazing sadly at Lizzie, thinking, She was so young….
"No," said Madame Pomfrey. "But Poppy…." said Sapphire. "I want to try one more time, and if I'm unsuccessful…" Madame Pomfrey sighed. "Then you may pronounce her dead." She sounded as though she was internally praying that it would work.
Sighing heavily, Madame Pomfrey pointed her wand at Lizzie's chest, casting the Defibrillator Spell nonverbally, and miraculously, Lizzie's heartbeat was restored. "She's back," said Sapphire, sounding enormously relieved. "Well done," said Madame Pomfrey as the two of them finished up the surgery.
Hayden, Harry, Ron, and Hermione still remained outside the hospital wing, waiting anxiously for news about Lizzie. After about an hour of waiting, Professor McGonagall showed up, though she did not immediately tell them off for being out of bed after hours. She appeared to be sympathetic, given that Lizzie was their friend, and that none of them wished to wait until morning for news, just on the off chance that the news was not good.
So, rather than reprimand the four of them, she joined them in the corridor and continued to wait.
Several times McGonagall had attempted to get an update on Lizzie's condition, but each time she was unable to learn anything.
Finally, after nearly four hours of waiting anxiously for news, there was a scraping of the lock as the two heavy doors of the hospital wing slowly opened as Madame Pomfrey and Sapphire emerged, both looking completely exhausted, yet satisfied. "How is Lizzie? Is she okay?" asked Hayden automatically, getting to his feet.
Both Sapphire and Madame Pomfrey exchanged glances before addressing Professor McGonagall. "May I speak to you for a moment, in private, Minerva?" asked Madame Pomfrey.
Hayden didn't like the look on Madame Pomfrey's face. Just how bad was it?
Professor McGonagall nodded as she walked forward through the doors as they were closed shut again.
Hayden would have given anything to have some way of listening in. He walked over and pressed his ear against the large heavy doors of the hospital wing, but he could only hear muffled voices, and no legible words.
Inside the hospital wing, Professor McGonagall looked gravely concerned.
"What was wrong with her, Poppy?" asked McGonagall. "Appendicitis," said Madame Pomfrey. "How bad?" asked McGonagall, glancing from Madame Pomfrey to Sapphire. "Her appendix had already ruptured when we cut her open," said Sapphire. "I have never seen it that bad before. Peritonitis had already developed – quite severely, which led to damage to her liver and kidneys and her blood samples showed that she developed sepsis." "Blood poisoning?" gasped McGonagall, looking shocked.
Madame Pomfrey nodded gravely. "She went into septic shock during the surgery. We gave her a strong course of antibiotic potions, in an effort to combat the infection, but…." "They aren't?" asked McGonagall. "They are not working as quickly as we thought," said Madame Pomfrey. "Due to the severity of her condition, we had to put her on a ventilator to help her breathe. We also had to leave her incision open to allow it to heal from the inside out. It could take a month – perhaps longer, for it to heal properly."
"She cannot breathe on her own?" asked Professor McGonagall. She sounded terrified now. "No, Minerva," said Sapphire soothingly. "She still can, but we put her on a ventilator so she won't stop breathing," "It's only a precaution," Madame Pomfrey assured her. "What does this mean for the horse show?" asked Professor McGonagall. "She's not going to compete," said Madame Pomfrey sadly. Professor McGonagall looked stunned. "Are you certain?" she asked. "Yes," said Madame Pomfrey, turning to Sapphire who nodded. "You should also be made aware that she did lose heartbeat toward the end of the surgery. We came very close to pronouncing her dead, but we were able to bring her back."
"Will she recover?" asked Professor McGonagall. Madame Pomfrey gave her an uneasy look. "Truthfully?" she asked. "I don't know. It's too early to say."
"And you're quite certain, if she does recover that she won't be able to compete in the horse show?" asked Professor McGonagall. "Yes," said Sapphire sadly. "In fact, even if she does make a full recovery, she won't be able to ride for the rest of the school year."
"It's remarkable, really that she is still alive, because she shouldn't be," said Madame Pomfrey.
Professor McGonagall stood there for a long moment, as thought attempting to process what she had just been told. How was she meant to tell Hayden about this? And how was she meant to tell him that Lizzie would not recover in time for the horse show? And if Lizzie did wake up, how was he supposed to tell her?
Finally, she seemed to remember that Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Hayden were waiting anxiously outside the door for news.
"Her – her friends are waiting outside," she said softly, her voice quavering slightly. "I-I should…go inform them….."
Both Madame Pomfrey and Sapphire nodded to Professor McGonagall. "And I suggest you contact her family as well," said Madame Pomfrey. Professor McGonagall stared for a moment, then nodded as she walked of the hospital wing doors.
"How is she Professor?" asked Hayden. "Is she going to be all right?" asked Harry. "You were right, Mr. Chamberlain," said Professor McGonagall. "Her appendix had ruptured and. peritonitis had already set in, and that led to damage to her liver and kidneys, and she also developed sepsis as a result of the infection.
Hayden was looking both devastated and confused. "I-I don't know what that means," he said, tears brimming in his eyes. "Blood poisoning," said Hermione. Professor McGonagall nodded gravely. "Madame Pomfrey gave her some antibiotics to help combat it, but unfortunately, they are not working as quickly as anticipated…"
"What does that mean? She – She's gonna be okay, isn't she?" asked Hayden desperately. "She went into septic shock during the operation, and due to the already severe nature of her condition, she was put on a ventilator to help her breathe."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione exchanged shocked and heartbroken glances. "Are you saying that she's not breathing on her own?" asked Hayden. "I'm saying," said Professor McGonagall. "That she was put on a ventilator so she will not stop breathing, Mr. Chamberlain."
"But she will recover, right?" Hayden pressed on. "We will not know the extent of her condition until she wakes up," said Professor McGonagall. "That is, if she wakes up."
Harry, Ron, and Hermione gasped and stared at each other. " 'If'?" asked Hayden. He stared at Madame Pomfrey who was standing in the door behind Professor McGonagall. " 'If'?" he demanded. "What do you mean…" "I'm going to be honest with you, most people in her situation wouldn't have survived this long…." She sighed. "It's just too early to tell. Anything could happen at the stage. All we can do is wait and hope.
"What about the horse show?" asked Harry. "She's not going to compete," said Professor McGonagall sadly. "Are you sure, Professor?" gasped Hermione. "I am quite sure, Miss Granger," said Professor McGonagall, looking as though this news was just as devastating for her to give as it was for them to hear.
Hayden stood there, rooted to the spot. No, this couldn't be possible. Lizzie, not compete in the horse show? After all their hard work and training? She had gotten so good, her dressage was beautiful, her cross-country times were much faster, and she was so close to jumping five feet!
"She also has a few broken ribs that we can't account for…" said Madame Pomfrey.
"Erm, that might have been my fault," said Hayden. "You?" asked Hermione. "When we were in Hagrid's cabin, waiting for help to arrive, I noticed, that she had stopped moving – she had been writhing in pain, and moaning, I noticed she had gone silent too. I put my hand in front of her face to see if she was breathing, and she wasn't, and I checked her pulse and couldn't find one." He sighed. "I wasn't really thinking, I just – just started trying to resuscitate her."
"Where did you learn that?" asked Professor McGonagall. "Um, first-aid seminar year before last," said Hayden. "Some of the magic they were teaching was a little too advanced for some of the younger students, so it was suggested by our headmistress that we learn Muggle first-aid techniques. I never thought there would be a time when I would actually have to use it…" A tear fell down Hayden's face as he sniffled. "Mr. Chamberlain," said Madame Pomfrey gently, walking over to Hayden and putting a hand on his shoulder. "You deserve a medal for what you did. You saved her life." Hayden smiled and nodded.
"Is that all?" asked Harry. "No, Potter, she also has pneumonia in both lungs. That, we cannot find an explanation for," said Madame Pomfrey. Hayden stared down at Lizzie's necklace that was still clutched in his hand. "I know why," he said. Everyone turned to look at him as Hayden looked up. "Lizzie told me after she fell of Flicka, she waited for a while for help to arrive, but no one came – I was still looking for her – and she….she said she tried to…to drag herself out of the forest, but she only made it two hundred feet, and that was where…." He swallowed. "Where I found her." he finished.
Hermione made an impatient 'tsk' and rolled her eyes. But Hayden didn't care. Professor McGonagall likewise was looking skeptical of Hayden's story.
"Mr. Chamberlain," she said patiently. "When a person's appendix ruptures, it causes unimaginable pain – severe enough to paralyze a person…"
Hayden had to fight not to snort with derision or make some kind of snappy remark. McGonagall didn't need to tell him this, because he knew exactly what it was like, he had lived through it himself, he just hadn't told anyone yet.
"My point is, she would not have been able to move herself a few inches, let alone two hundred feet by herself. I'm sorry, but what you just described would be impossible – especially for her."
Hayden felt his face get hot as anger began to build inside his chest. He looked over at Hermione who had a smug, almost satisfied look on her face, like she was pleased that McGonagall seemingly agreed with her. It almost felt like she was rubbing it in his face.
But what made Hayden even angrier was the fact that Professor McGonagall was Head of Gryffindor – only the bravest of the brave were put in Gryffindor – and was meant to be an advocate for her students, and yet here she was, totally dismissing what Hayden said, and what Lizzie had told him. . It was like she thought he was making it all up, even though the words had come from Lizzie. It was clear to him, that McGonagall may be Head of Gryffindor, but she underestimated Lizzie just as much as everyone else in the school.
He gazed from Hermione to McGonagall icily. "You don't know Lizzie," he said, addressing both of them. Hermione's look of satisfaction was replaced with a look of deep indignation, as if she was saying, 'how dare you accuse me of not knowing my best friend!'
But Hayden didn't really care what Hermione thought. In his mind, if she knew Lizzie as well as she thought, she would have known how strong-willed Lizzie was and in a life-or-death situation, she would fight like hell to save herself, even if it meant dragging herself two hundred feet while in excruciating pain. That was just who she was.
Hermione didn't just underestimate Lizzie, she also underestimated her will to live.
Harry and Ron glanced at one another, then at Hayden. By now they knew just how fond he was of Lizzie, yet they too seemed to have difficulty accepting what he was telling them.
Hayden sighed. "There has to be something you can do – anything so she can compete in the show?"
"There isn't," said Professor McGonagall sadly. "I know how hard she has worked with you, Mr. Chamberlain, but there is simply no way that she will be well enough for the show. All we can do is wait and pray for a positive outcome."
"I can't lose her!" said Hayden. "Please…" "I can't make any promises," said McGonagall "They've done everything they can for her. There's nothing more we can do."
"At least let me see her," said Hayden. "It's late," said Madame Pomfrey. "And the two of you have had a stressful day. She needs her rest." "Just five minutes, please?" Hayden begged.
Professor McGonagall turned to Madame Pomfrey. "Excuse me for a moment," she said as she walked over to Madame Pomfrey. "It can't hurt, Poppy," whispered. "She needs to rest," hissed Madame Pomfrey. "They both have had a stressful day, you're right, but five minutes can't hurt! Just five minutes!"
Madame Pomfrey nodded as she and McGonagall turned back to Hayden. "Five minutes," said Madame Pomfrey. Hayden nodded as he followed Madame Pomfrey into the hospital wing, and Sapphire followed.
The only sound in the room was the faint beeping of a heart monitor as Hayden approached a bed that was shielded by curtains, the faint outline of someone visible behind them. Sapphire pulled back the curtain and Hayden got his first glimpse of Lizzie. He gasped and almost collapsed to the floor sobbing when he saw her.
She had been hooked up to a ventilator like Professor McGonagall had said, with it secured to her face, her glasses sat folded and lying upside down on the table next to her. She was dressed in a pair of pajamas and her long hair had been taken out of its low ponytail that it had been in. There were IV poles on either side of her each holding three IV bags each, there was a pulse oximeter clamped onto her left index finger, there was dirt underneath her fingernails, the vivid pink dip powder on her nails was severely chipped, her nails were broken and bent backwards, and her hands were folded in front of her.
Heart monitor electrodes were adhered to her chest and a hissing sound could be heard from the ventilator.
Hayden sighed as he reached over and brushed a bit of hair out of Lizzie's eyes, and brushed the back of his hand against her face. "I'm so, so sorry," he whispered. "I love you….I love you Lizzie….."
The clock bell chimed midnight from out in the corridor as Hayden stood up. "You should head to bed," said Madame Pomfrey. "You can see her tomorrow."
Hayden nodded, but before he left, he kissed Lizzie on the forehead, leaning his forehead against hers. "I'll be back tomorrow," he whispered as he walked out of the hospital wing and turned to look at her one more time. "Take care of her," he said as Madame Pomfrey nodded. "I will," she said. "And if anything happens…" said Hayden. "You'll be the first one to know," Madame Pomfrey reassured him. Hayden nodded, turning one last time to look at Lizzie before he left.
No one slept a wink in the Gryffindor common room that night, and Hayden did not return to the Room of Requirement. When he climbed through the portrait hole he was surprised to see a great number of his friends sitting in front of the dying fire. Molly Cobb was there too, and she looked up when she saw him, tears streaming from her eyes. It was as though the whole of Gryffindor Tower had gone into mourning even though Lizzie was still alive.
"Oh, Hayden!" cried Molly, getting up from the sofa and going to hug him. "I'm so sorry, Hayden! I didn't know!" she sobbed. "I didn't know!" "It's okay," said Hayden, hugging her back. "How is she, is she all right?" asked Molly, wiping her tears from her eyes. Clearly word had traveled fast, even by Hogwarts standards, but Hayden wasn't really up for retelling the entire story to everyone. "Um, I really don't – don't want to…..to talk about it, okay?" asked Hayden, and it was evident in his face and his voice that he was struggling not to cry. "Hayden…" said Molly.
Hayden sighed as he walked away from her and went to sit in front of the fireplace with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Sorry we went ahead," said Hermione. "It's fine," said Hayden. "Are you all right Hayden?" asked Hermione. Hayden stared at her as though he couldn't believe she would ask him that after everything he and Lizzie had gone through.
"Sorry," said Hermione quickly as she dropped her gaze to her hands that were folded in her lap. Crookshanks mewed as he rubbed against Hayden's legs, finally leaping lightly into his lap, and settling there like a large furry ginger cushion. Hayden smiled and began scratching him behind the ears. "What were you saying to Lizzie?" asked Harry. Hayden stared at him. "It's just – you looked like you were saying something to her," said Harry.
"I was," said Hayden. "I told her how I felt. I told her that I loved her." Hermione gasped. "Oh, Hayden!" she breathed. "How long have you felt like this?" "Since we did our figure skating routine together," said Hayden. "All those hours we spent practicing, falling, and then laughing about it later…" He smiled. "Now who knows if we'll ever get to do that again,"
The four of them sat there for several more minutes in silence. Hayden felt exhausted, both he and Lizzie had been through so much that day. And he knew he had lessons the following morning.
Sighing heavily, he got up and began to make his way to the portrait hole. "Where are you going?" asked Ron. "I'm going to bed," said Hayden. "I'm tired."
Hermione nodded as the three of them watched him climb out of the portrait hole.
As he walked he couldn't help but think about how things could have been different. If he had just sought her out in the Great Hall at breakfast that morning and said he was sorry, if he had offered to go riding with her, if he had spoken up yesterday when Lizzie didn't tell Madame Pomfrey about her fall in the corridor…..
He knew that there was no possible way that he could reverse time and make it so none of this ever happened. But how could he go on, knowing that if he had just done things differently, Lizzie wouldn't be where she is now?
It was only after a moment that Hayden realized that he was feeling the same guilt that Lizzie felt over Raven's death. Lizzie had to go through the rest of her life knowing that if she just simply made better choices, Raven's death could have been prevented, and Hayden was experiencing something similar in that if he had just chosen to forgive Lizzie for their fight – and quite possibly, not pushed her so hard, they may well have not gotten into that fight to begin with, and Lizzie may not have gone out riding alone….
The remainder of his fellow classmates were already asleep when Hayden entered the Room of Requirement, and he was secretly grateful for this. He wasn't willing to recount the details of today. All he wanted was for this horrible day to be over.
He only realized how tired he really was as he fell asleep almost before his head hit the pillow.
