It's been sometime since I posted anything, lots going on in my life including a recent move to another state. Margaret has always been there as a cheerleader in my corner and she will be greatly missed. So that being said I really wanted to honor her & the challenge posted in the Ranger Should Get the Girl Facebook group seemed like a great opportunity. It's not particularly well written but I hope funny. By the way the story in the NY Post is real.
"Margaret, swallow whatever is in your mouth. Do not take a sip of water. This is your wet keyboard warning, Babe!"
I pulled up outside of Vinnie's office around 10 am. Not as late as I could've been but not early for me either. I had another amazing night with Ranger, we've been going strong for the last 6 months. I had dumped my on-again, off-again boyfriend Joe Morelli after I caught him in another lie – and Maria Rotolo in his bed. The whole engaged to be engaged and open relationship with anyone but Ranger over the last couple years had to end. Seriously, what person over the age of 18 is engaged to be engaged. I'll tell you - one that's never gonna seriously get married. He bought a billiard table and a 70" TV instead of a ring. Enough said.
I swung out of the 2022 VW ID4 I've been driving for the last 6 months. A perk of working for Rangeman. They are looking to move to electric vehicles with the cost of gas continuing to rise. I walked in to find Connie painting her nails with Zoya Constance. It was a change from her usual red to a deep plum, I may need to borrow this one. Lula was lounging on the couch with a container of 12 chocolate cupcakes with white icing that made them look like ghosts and candy corn on top.
"Hey Lula, I thought you were on a diet," I asked.
"White Girl, not only did I fall off the Diet Wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy cupcakes. Here have one, these are really good ones from Italian Peoples Bakery."
Connie placed her nails under the UV light to dry them. Lula and I had given it to her for her birthday last month. It's definitely something she'd find useful along with the gift certificate to to get some new colors.
Connie casually asked, "Did you see that story in the NY Post the other day? They were talking about it on the morning show today when I drove in?"
I shrugged and Lula replied, "The one about that show in England?" At my confused look she continued, "My Massive Cock. This guy was complaining he's continuing to grow and the girth is so big now he can't get a BJ."
I spit out my coffee and started laughing so hard I had tears running down my face. "Are you serious? There's a show about this?"
Connie piped in, "It's a documentary. This guy said he's 13.5 inches and had to stop wearing tight pants. He claims he was stopped at the airport because of the bulge in his pants."
We were all laughing and at that moment Joe Morelli walked in. JFC would he just stop stalking me. He shows up at least once a day wherever I am and tries to talk me back into bed. He's on my last nerve and if he doesn't stop Ranger's gonna make him disappear in the Pine Barrens. "What's so funny, do I have something on my shirt?"
"Hey officer hottie, how much you packing in your pants? This guy in the paper said he's 13.5 inches and has issues with sex and tight jeans. You wear tight jeans all the time. What you packin'? 6 inches? In my former profession I never seen one more than 6," Lula explained.
Joe's face turned red, he began to sputter, "What kind of filth is in the paper?"
As if it couldn't get any worse, in walks Vinnie followed by Tank.
"It ain't no filth. It was in the NY Post. There's some documentary in England on TV where guys complain about how big they are. It ain't nothin' to be ashamed of. Not every man can sport 13.5 inches," Lula licked her lips as she stared at Tank. I swear he would be red if his skin wasn't so dark.
Vinnie gave a lascivious grin, "Yeah. I heard the Italian Stallion is more like a miniature pony." Joe flushed a deeper shade of red and stomped out of the office. Even Tank burst out laughing after Morelli left.
"Hey Tankie, how about takin' me for a burger for lunch today?"
"Sure, Lula and we can try to find that documentary on youtube. It should be interesting to hear what these guys have to say." With that, Lula lumbered off the couch, grabbed her purse and followed Tank out of the office. We stood there in stunned silence.
"I think a burger for lunch sounds good. I'm sure Ranger will be more than happy to take me to lunch," I said with a wink to Connie as I strutted out the door.
"They are a couple of lucky bitches," Connie murmured as Vinnie slammed his office door.
