Title: Our Hearts Were Made to Endure
Summary: Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. – Bruce Lee
Disclaimer: I do not own anything
A.N: I apologize for the grammar and other mistakes. English is not my first language.
'There is a shadow lurking in my chambers.'
'Mama, mama,' cried Jaehaera Targaryen against her mother's chest loudly while Helaena kept her close with her uninjured arm. If the pain and fear were not so severe, Helaena would have been overjoyed, as her youngest child, her precious little star, who barely celebrated her third name day, had finally spoken. Her mother, oh, her poor mother always a pawn, a servant to someone else's needs, was so worried that she had not done so for so long, but Helaena always smiled at Jaehaera with a fondness only a mother could carry in her heard and easily said, 'She will speak when she has something to say.'
Look, mother, our little star speaks.
If only the milestone wasn't stained by such horrible circumstances.
Jaehaerys, well past his sixth nameday, Helaena's oldest, her son, her heir, was right next to his younger sister clinging to his mother's dirty blue dress that looked greyer now because of the ash, dirt, and smoke just as hard if not harder than Jaehaera. His sobs were loud, but he kept his words to himself refusing to let out a single one since they were brought here out of fear or perhaps out of stubbornness. Her son was braver than Aegon or anyone ever gave him credit for. Helaena could see it in his eyes. Silent, but not quiet.
A stormy sky right before it would rain down upon sinners and saints alike.
Helaena knew the maester and servant girls around them were unimpressed or worried as they kept sharing glances occasionally trying to convince her either with orders or sweet pleas for her to allow the children to leave her side at least until the healer would fix her arm.
Ah, her arm.
She didn't even look at it from the moment, she sat down on the weak wooden chair as the smell of blood alone made her nauseous. If she would look at the red color of her own blood, Helaena was certain she would start crying even more distressing her already frightened children. It had always been like this. Even if Aemond or her nephews tried to invite her to watch their training on those handfuls of occasions, the princess couldn't bring herself to do so. The blood always made her feel like she would crawl out of her skin. The smell of it, the sight of it, the feeling of it slipping through the skin into the ground.
She felt green just thinking about it.
'Your…Grace,' said the maester weakly, again. It seemed no one was sure what to call her anymore.
Helaena couldn't blame the old man. She never felt comfortable with the title no matter what her mother and grandfather said. 'This is Ageon's birthright and yours by the law of marriage.' It all sounded so wrong to her ears.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Those words danced inside her mind any time someone spoke to her as if she was a queen.
'But you are! Aegon is the king, and you're his wife!' insisted her mother with heat and desperation as she tried to ease Helaena's feelings back then, but all Helaena could reply was, 'Just because a cockroach paints itself with scales does not make it a dragon.'
Her mother looked so horrified then and begged Helaena to never repeat such things for even she knew Aegon wouldn't take kindly to them. There was a time, when her brother, her husband, was just weak and afraid wishing for freedom from the burden that was the Iron Throne. He was mean, yes, but Helaena did find fondness or affection in her heart than to care for him, at least as a sister should. She did pray at least once or twice for him to find a boat and leave for his so desired freedom. Even more so, Helaena prayed that her own freedom would bring her some peace as well. But recalling Aemond's own ambition and mother and grandfather's schemes, Helaena doubted she would ever be as free as she was now.
A widow
Then they put a crown on Aegon's head back then and called him a king, and he realized the freedom and power of ruling that came from it and became a tyrant. She mourned her brother back then as if he died and was buried next to their dead father despising the king he became.
Sailing the deep waters and sleeping with Dornish whores would make you happy, brother.
Helaena kissed Jaehaera's head as her daughter continued to cry before she whispered to the child, 'All is well, my love, don't cry.' As she said that she couldn't stop herself from wondering what had she become when they put a crown on her and marked her a queen.
The pain was getting worse. Now, with no immediate danger, but fear and dread feasting on Helaena's soul and heart, she could sense the wound on her arm troubling her body as well.
Her eyes caught movement near the entrance to the large tent, they were in and watched one of the servant girls stand there with her back to the rest of them for a moment.
'We must take care of the wound,' said the maester bringing her attention back to him, 'It…it will get infected. You won't be able to hold onto your children if you are weak with fever in bed.'
Dying
He didn't have to say it.
Helaena closed her eyes and sighed painfully.
She knew this. She was not a simpleton despite what they claimed. Despite what they saw when they looked at her actions and words. She wasn't ignorant of important things. But didn't they understand? Didn't they understand that she simply could not look at the blood? She simply could not tell her crying and clinging children to let her go when she was all they had left. How could she, when she was always their only assurance, their beacon? She knew she needed to use her words, she knew, but Helaena couldn't, her lips wouldn't part, and her voice wouldn't work other than to tell her children to be brave and settle down and that she was there. She wished she could tell them they were safe, but how could she if she herself did not know? Not yet at least.
'I'll be right back,' she heard a male voice and opened her eyes, but the entrance to the tent was closed now, and the short servant girl was standing further away with her eyes full of pity.
The maester sighed clearly at the end of his patience, but Jaehaerys nuzzled his head against her chest, and Helaena placed a kiss on his head as well. The pain and fear inside the young woman slowly battle who will ruin her more.
The entrance to the tent opened once more, and a tall man with long steps walked inside. He was still wearing his riding clothes. He was still just as dirty and smelly as her. As all four of them.
Hours ago, her lungs were filling with smoke that threatened to choke her, which was when Princess Helaena Targaryen, wife to King Aegon, the imposter, for the first time, felt like it was truly over. Exhaustion filled her bones and veins, and it was as if finally, after all those years of nothing but pain and confusion with glimpses of happiness in between she was utterly drained of everything that she was and had.
The cries of her children filled her ears, her oldest, Jaehaerys, calling out her name and screaming he was scared while her younger one, Jaehaera simply shrieked and cried burring her head against her chest trying to hide from it all. Helaena wished she could as well, but such liberties were not granted to mothers who loved their children more than themselves.
Their tower was hit, and, it was at that moment when Helaena heard nothing but crumbling stones and smelled smoke mixed with ash while the fire faded from her blood, that she realized this was how it would end for her and her children.
Queen Helaena and her children, Jaehaerys and Jaehaera, died in a burning tower
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
Absolute despair took over as she realized, her children would die with her and the woman had no means to protect them, to save them. What a cruel fate for a mother. All, she could do, was to take both of their heads and buried them against her chest waiting for the floor to collapse as well and for them to fall to their deaths.
'It's alright, my sweetlings, do not cry. Let me sing you a song,' she said then and tried to sing while tears rolled down her eyes. If this truly were their final moments, Helaena refuse to let her children spend them in terror. The two innocent children, perhaps, the only ones from the house of Targaryen with no blood between their fingernails deserved at least a peaceful death and if not then at least some comfort. A mother's song. A mother's love. A mother's last hug to hold onto for when the Stranger came to take them away. If nothing all, Helaena could pray he would take them gently like a dream and not in agony.
Her voice didn't tremble despite the pain shooting from her arm and side from where the collapsing stone wall hit her earlier.
While singing for her children, she did let her thoughts travel over all the people, members of her house, and not, those who had died so far because of the Dance of the Dragons. The list was a long one, and choking on the smoke made her head dizzy, yet the young mother, not really a Queen, doubted she recalled everyone who deserved to be remembered-
'HELAENA!'
Her words and thoughts died midway, as she heard a male voice. One that did not belong to the Stranger who came to take them.
'HELAENA!' called the voice again. It sounded desperate and frantic rather than in rage or mockery.
Her lips trembled, and she felt her son, Jay, tried to look away from her to see, but she kept his face pressed against her chest.
'HELAENA! IF YOU'RE STILL ALIVE, ANSWER ME!'
A memory came, one from a long time ago when she was young tearing in half a butterfly to keep it inside her box under her bed to examine later.
'A gambit of fate from one imposter to another one,' she whispered as she heard the words dance inside her mind again. They were never clear to anyone including her, but at that moment ready to meet her demise they came back to her.
She was a Queen.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
He was the heir to the throne.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
She choked and glanced at her children for a moment before she made her choice, 'WE'RE HERE!'
Perhaps, it would serve her right for the crimes of her blood to be punished and for that for that punishment to be death. But her children, sweet and kind, uncorrupted by the blood still, deserved a chance.
A chance to see what they could become.
'The coin was tossed, but it has yet to land.'
She got up and dragged both her children with strength she did not think her weak body still possessed toward the edge of the broken tower closer to their demise if they were to fall. Her faith was strong, however. The words danced inside her mind ever since she was a babe. They had been with her always. Who was she to think of them less than a companion? Who was she not to believe they could want something grand for her and her children?
Just this once, she prayed, Just this once dance in my name, in my favor.
She didn't see anyone. The smoke was dark and heavy making it hard to make out even the blue sky let alone anyone else.
Were her ears deceiving her? Was it one of the voices that guided her, her whole life? Was death by her own choice, by falling, the favor the words dancing in her mind would give her in the end?
Hectically, Helaena looked around fearing it was a false hope before Vermax, strong and large, appeared close by landing against the crumbling stones. The sound was horrifically making it obvious, the damaged stone would not hold the large animal for too long.
'HURY!' came a male voice again.
Her purple eyes met the dark ones and for a moment it was as if she was dreaming. They rarely spoke or looked at each other, but at that moment, Helaena never felt more in touch with a person, any person still alive, than she had with Jacaerys Velaryon in the strange white light that surrounded them like a warm cloak.
The brown eyes of Jacaerys, however, didn't dream like hers, but his arms immediately acted reaching for her. For her children, 'Give them to me, Helaena. I'll seat them first.'
Her purple eyes blinked, and the white light vanished leaving her once again in the crumbling tower with smoke, ash, and death.
'Mother, no-,' said Jaehaerys, her precious Jay, trying to protest, but she did not let him, 'This is your cousin, Jace, he will keep you safe. Do not be scared. His dragon listens to him.'
Jaehaerys still held onto her, but also immediately reached out to the man, who easily placed him against his dragon whispering something to him.
Her child nodded, but she did not have time to dwell on that as she quickly handed him Jaehaera as well. The girl was younger and always followed her brother trusting his decisions and steps more than her own.
'Mother!' called her son, and for a moment, an instant in time, Helaena believed this was her demise.
'There is a shadow lurking in my chambers.'
She allowed her children to be taken by perhaps one, the only, man in the realm who would stay true to his word, to his heart, and keep two innocent children protected and take them to safety.
A stone crumbled behind her, and she turned around in instinct before she felt a pair of strong hands on her elbow and waist causing pain to shoot through her from her injured side, but only for a moment. Then her feet were off the ground, and she was put in front of her nephew, and behind her children.
Her arms immediately circled around them, and her heart filled with so many emotions that forced her to let out a cry.
'Hold onto them, Helaena. Just a little bit longer,' Jacaerys told her and put one arm firmly around her while she and the children held onto each other.
Vermax flew to the sky, and for the first time, above all that smoke, chaos, and death breathing in the scent of riding a dragon. For the first time, being held by Jace, an enemy to her family, holding her tight, and taking her and her children to safety away from all of this. For the first time, since Aegon was crowned, perhaps since she was born, Helaena felt safe.
When good men are kings…
There are certainly worse things that could happen…
At that moment, the young man, who grew so much since she last saw him before all of this, grabbed a hold of the chest nearby and set it closer to them, but he also made sure he wasn't too close not like he was not so long ago when he rescued them. When he solely arose from the smoke and fire on his dragon and reached his hand for her to grab, to use him to save her children, to save herself as she went to give them to him, but he refused to leave her until she was seated in front of him as well holding onto her children for dear life feeling his free hand around her.
'You will be alright, Helaena. I swear it on my life. No harm will come to you. No harm will come to you and your children,' said Jacaerys Velaryon, son of Queen Rhaenyra Targaryen, into Helaena's ear or perhaps he merely thought it, and the wind carried those words and along with them those that had danced inside her mind a moment after.
A promise of fire from blood and not blood alike.
He saved them, and Vermax brought them to the camp, to this tent with a maester and servant girls. To his tent.
And then Jacaerys left instructing everyone to take care of them and for guards to stand guard so no one would think to harm them, so they would not think to escape. Perhaps, he knew they wouldn't. He had to know this. The war was coming to an end. The dragons went for their final spin with the cries of innocent and guilty alike as their music slowly faded into the distance.
Now Jace was seated in front of her on a chest. It felt like centuries past since she last saw him in court when his family came to discuss Lucerys right to Driftmark.
Now, he was here, in front of her eyes, a young man, a grieving soul that lost just as much as she had and more.
In a way, Helaena felt as if she was looking into a strange mirror and saw more of her own reflection than she would in an actual one.
Jacaerys returned with a cockroach it seemed as he opened his palm to show it to the children who were subtly peeking from their places clinging to her.
'Your mother was always fond of these little creatures. Possibly more than her dragon, definitely more than her annoying brothers and nephews,' he said, but it sounded like there was something warm in his voice. Not fire, not anger, but perhaps even some speck of amusement. She wondered how long it had been since he laughed.
'If we promised not to bother her too much and were seated close. She would tell me and my brother stories,' said Jacaerys and lowed his voice as if it was a secret no one should know of.
It stunned Helaena because she realized he wasn't lying. Not completely. Whenever she was sitting or kneeling on the floor and he and Lucerys were nearby, they had to be able to hear her speak about her insects. She wasn't talking to them per se. She rarely talked to people directly then, but if they heard her and if they listen it was all the same in the end. Was it not? Strange to think perhaps they were closer than one would have assumed.
Helaena watched the creature in Jacaerys's palm and loosen her hold on her children feeling that they too weren't clinging to her as tightly as before now more openly looking at the man, their cousin, who came on his dragon's back and safe them.
After a while of the creature started dancing across Jacaerys's hand properly running around the skin. Jay and then Jara even untangled themselves from Helaena completely at one point and stepped closer to the man and the little cockroach in fascination as even Helaena felt captivated for a moment and grateful that there was something other to focus on than the pain, guilt, or the butchery treatment from the maester.
'I cannot say what color it is…black mayhaps?' spoke Jacaerys slowly as if he was asking a question, and Helaena was taught all her life it was rude not to answer when asked one.
'Dark blue,' she corrected him without looking at him directly, but even out of the corner of her eyes, she could see he didn't either and rather smiled at the creature in his palm, 'Ah. I can see that now, dearest aunt.'
She grimaced as the words tasted sour in her mouth. She was his only aunt…she was the only one of his family left alive. That did not sit well with her. Death did not sit well with her, but she understood why Jacaerys had to say it in such a way.
It was safer to use that than your grace, your highness, and he couldn't call her princess anymore either.
HELAENA! GIVE THEM TO ME!
He called her by her first name when he and Vermax arose from the smoke toward the crumbling tower, Helaena thought would be their demises, and saved her and the children. It was so surreal. Like a dream. Like those that followed her, her whole life, but at the same time, nothing like that. Her head was dizzy from the smoke and pain, but she still. She knew it was real. Even now with the pain biting at her here and there, the woman knew it meant she was alive. So were her children fascinated with a cockroach. So was Jacaerys Velaryon entertaining her children with the said cockroach.
Bizarre, but true, nevertheless.
Helaena sensed the maester started to move again but just as she was to look at the man in fear and horror already feeling herself turn green because of the blood that was still no doubt there, Jacaerys's voice carried on, 'It looks special or is it ordinary?'
'It glows,' whispered Jay in childlike curiosity and delight, and Helaena lifted her head to watch as Jacaerys smiled at her son briefly before he glanced at Helaena as if he could sense her eyes were on him as well. His face was open. She never knew Jacaerys or any one of his brothers' faces to be closed the way her own family was.
Secretive, suspicious, bothersome.
No, her Velaryon nephews only ever looked at her and anyone she knew like this, open. Even if they were angry at Aegon's and Aemond's comments or bitter about her mother's pleasantries, they always looked open just as Jacaerys looked now when his lips were ever so slightly curled into a smile and his voice calm as ever asked, 'What is the verdict, dearest aunt?'
Helaena felt the maester touch her arm, but she remained looking at the cockroach in her nephew's palm instead of ignoring the man and his touch as much as she could. She drifted away just as she had when anyone else whose touch was unavoidable had.
She focused on something else, 'It's common in the King's Landing, but here it is a rarity because of the cold.'
'How interesting,' said Jacaerys and sounded sincere enough that the pain that shot through her was very much bearable at that moment.
'Strange, how one never wonders about how creatures travel.'
Helaena closed her eyes and bit into her lip to stop herself from crying out and alerting the children when the maester applied something to clean the wound.
When she looked at them again Jacaerys had just opened his palm wider so the two little silver heads could have a better look at the creature inside it, 'It's not half bad looking, wouldn't you say?'
Jay laughed a bit, and his sister looked at him for a moment before she followed suit as the younger sibling always had and laughed as well. Hearing such divine sounds coming from their sweet lips was enough to help Helaena endure the pain. At least for the time being.
The war was over, won as they say, but Helaena didn't think there was any reason for a celebration even if the Lords and customs demanded it. They had lost so much and so many of their family it couldn't be a victory, yet the cheers and final agreements spoke otherwise.
Helaena and her children were kept in Jacaerys's tent throughout most of it. Her wounds healed nicely and even if they were to be treated as guests, a fancier word for prisoners, the woman, and her children were used to being confined in their chambers while there was a war taking place behind the gates.
They were treated well, and no one seemed to have tried to attack them at least as far as Helaena knew, she suspected there might have been attempts and voices to punish her and her children, but whenever Jacaerys came late at night into the room only to collapse into a chair while she and her children laid in his bed, he only said, 'All will be alright. You have my word. No one will dare to go against us.'
It was new to hear Jacaerys Velaryon to sound so authoritative and confident. It wasn't new at all to hear him speak so honorable and protectively.
'Father was a good man. The realm would thrive if there was another one,' she told him five days since he rescued her.
She didn't understand the look he gave her, but his voice shook as he said, 'Thank you, Helaena.'
It was the first time he said her name again, and it made her relax for some reason. It pained her when she saw him distressed especially after the first meeting of the new council. Despite the shortness of their companionship, she felt for him deeply. She and her children were not to blame for the people taken from him just as he was not to blame for those who were taken from her.
Fire and blood can heal the house of the dragon, she heard the words dance in her mind when her grandfather was executed. There was no other way. The others died before, and she and Jacaerys and her children were the last ones.
He was shaking, and she feared his upset state alone would wake up the children sleeping in his bed even if he remained silent in his anger.
'I wish…I wish my mother was here,' he spoke so quietly, but Helaena was always good at hearing words that were as quiet as the air they breathed, 'She would know what to do, what to say. Everyone would listen to her.'
The woman, no longer a queen and barely a princess, got from under the fur that was covering her and the children and barefoot walked toward her nephew.
Jacaerys looked at her, and she recognized confusion, but also something else, perhaps, curiosity as she fixed him a cup of wine.
'I rarely spoke with your mother. We weren't close even if we were sisters,' said Helaena as she handed him the cup looking at his hand rather than face recalling the woman who gave birth to him, 'I did not know her much as a person, a woman. But she was bright. She earned a place on the council. Father seemed to like her the best of us. I do think she was kind,' she said and frowned which must have confused Jacaerys even if he didn't say anything, so Helaena continued, 'The night after my wedding your mother found me in the early morning in the gardens. I was barefoot and in my nightclothes.'
He didn't ask why, and she didn't answer rather dancing around all that occurred the night before.
Her mother tried to hug her back then as she woke up realizing they gave her milk of poppy the night before so she would allow Aegon to touch her. So, she wouldn't hit him as was typical of her whenever someone tried to touch her abruptly or if she did not wish for it.
'This is how we serve the realm,' her mother said back with so much hope and guilt in her eyes as she wished for Helaena to understand, but like always the princess could not, thinking that perhaps, in this one instant, it was not her peculiarity to blame, but rather the questionable actions of her family.
'This is not how we serve the realm! This is how we whore to our grandfather's ambition!' she recalled snapping at her mother feeling her mind still dizzy from the traitorous drink. She hated the feeling. She wouldn't even allow the maesters to give it to her when she was in pain. Yet, her mother poisoned her with it as she saw fit.
Helaena did not know the feeling of absolute disgust she felt for her mother than, but surely it was something she could call betrayal.
Her mother jumped away back then as if Helaena had slapped her hard and went to the door, 'I will have the servants bring you something for the pain.'
Helaena didn't understand much, but she knew it wouldn't take the pain away, at least not the kind that squeezed her heart at that very moment.
Betrayal
It was like a broken cup never to be fixed correctly.
Helaena's thoughts were dancing inside her head so poorly she couldn't think properly. She did not wait for the servant girl and merely walked out of the room, the hallway, and indoors all the same before she found herself in the gardens where she was found by Rhaenyra.
She did not ask her much or perhaps Helaena did not remember it after the milk of the poppy, but she did recall how her sister for the first time and possibly for the last, undid her cloak and carefully set it around Helaena's shoulders with a face just as open as her son's, 'Take it, dearest Helaena. Something to warm you up a bit, sister.'
She did not recall Rhaenyra ever calling her as such or with such a sweet voice, and she found even more grief in the notion as the young barely a night-married princess, would enjoy being called sister by Rhaenyra.
So many failed steps that led to the dance
'Your mother once put her cloak on me and called me, sister. She was very kind, Jacaerys. More than people ever allowed her to seem. She was beautiful and bright. She was the favorite and a good rider. She was a dutiful mother. She was all those wonderful things, but I think rarely people knew just how kind she was.'
The cup inside of Jacaerys's hand started to shake, and for a moment, Helaena feared she said something wrong again.
The cup fell to the floor standing causing the wine to splash out of it, but not completely.
'The favor of Gods was split in our house, but it can still be united,' she found herself whispering as the words danced inside her mind.
When she heard the fainted sob, her purple eyes immediately shot up.
Jacaerys had a hand pressed against his face, in an attempt to cover his eyes, as his whole body shook. Helaena thought it to be pointless, as hidden or not, she could see the tears rolling from underneath his hand down his cheek.
Helaena could recall a time when she was younger, a child, and she would take such moments and occurrences and wonder if she had done something wrong before she would be told by her mother, Septa, or even grandfather to apologize for her mistake.
However, now, the young woman was no longer a child, and she knew what it was like to be a mother as well. Taking that in mind, Helaena did what she would always do when her children were in such a state of distress. Love and mother's intuition won over, and she put her arms around the man, the future king, and brought his head toward her chest.
If the motion surprised Jacaerys, Helaena didn't notice as he almost immediately put his arms around her back crying and sobbing against her dress like an upset child would against his mother. Barely three years difference between them and with so much more of a man than a boy that Helaena could see inside him, and yet in that very moment, he was no different than her Jay, and for a simple honest, and caring sister, Helaena would gladly play his mother. Oddly his touch, no matter, new did not cause her the woman to tense or feel the need to let go, but she did not dwell on it and simply held him close. For Rhaenyra. For Jacaerys himself. She simply held onto him and let him cry over the loss of his mother and his family. At least for one night, he could be weak, a child, someone's son, in her arms.
Jacaerys was officially crowned king the next day. She was not allowed to come to the coronation, but that very night, when he returned to his tent where she and her children were still guests, he offered her marriage.
Helaena felt like crying herself as she saw the colors of the sigil of the house Targaryen slowly coming back to life again. It could still be savored. It could all still be worth for something. All this blood, loss, and pain. It could still be for something good. Something to unite their house again as her father wanted. As the gods wanted.
'I accept! I accept! I accept just, please, no more blood, Jacaerys. No more blood,' she said quickly shaking from all of it. The mere thought that it could be finally over was simply too much. She felt like crying, but her raised voice alerted the children who ran into her arms calling for her and clinging tightly to her skirts, 'Mother! Mama!'
Her eyes went over their worried faces before she looked again at Jacaerys. His face was open as always, and he was not smiling, but he seemed just as undone by it all Helaena felt.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he spoke again. His voice was deep and confident as a king should, but the softness of his brown eyes spoke of the kindness and honor of his heart, 'I promise, Helaena. No more blood will be spilled between our houses-our house,' he corrected himself at the end, and she understood what he meant. They would be one house again. Again, and for all.
She nodded. How could she not accept? How could she wish for anything else, but this?
When good men are kings…
There are certainly worse things that could happen…
They were wed by the laws of the old gods and the new, the same day they returned to the Red Keep. Jacaerys made sure, she would not see the blood and wiped her forehead clean afterward.
Jacaerys did not want to wait, and Helaena understood why. Even if it was foreign to be wed again, she did not mind it. Now, a mother herself, and in crisis, she understood her own better than ever, and hoped the woman forgave her on the other side whenever she caused her grief.
You did your best mother. Sadly, it wasn't always what was right.
Her children were quieter that day. More than usual. Jay must have known something was different, but he did not know how to ask, and Jara simply followed her older brother's lead.
The whole ordeal was fast, and as she settled her children into the bed anxious about the upcoming bedding, and leaving them alone for the night, she tried to smile for their sake as mothers do.
Luckily, the gods remained kind, and her children fell asleep quickly. After some final instructions to the short servant girl, Mila, and three cups of wine, Helaena was off to Jacaerys and her duty.
She felt less afraid than she thought she would be, but at the same time more anxious than one might expect from a woman who was married for seven years and had two children.
They talked upfront. After Jacaerys asked her to marry him, and the children fell asleep Helaena sat him down. She, in the chair, he used to sleep in while her children and her stole his bed, and him on the chest, he sat on the first time he brought them there and needed to distract them with a cockroach.
It might not matter now, but her heart felt unsettled until she let it all out. Their marriage was a duty to secure the legacy and existence of the House of Dragon. A way of means to protect her children. Perhaps, some spark of if not happiness than contentment in the future. She knew even when she was younger, Jacaerys was unlike her brothers and therefore such an affair would be fundamentally different than that of the one she endured with Aegon.
At one point, the dark-haired man filled her cup with wine, never once touching her simply listening to her words which were more than anyone had ever offered.
Helaena's voice shook as the words slipped from her mouth. She didn't plan to stop them, doubtful, that she could even if she wanted to, 'You should know he hated me. Aegon,' his name sounded so bitter yet the voices inside her mind told her that along the way, there would be a time when the name would be celebrated again. However, it will belong to a different Targaryen.
'He wouldn't…come to my chambers. Only if mother forced him and even then…He would come drunk and couldn't…he couldn't…raise to the occasion,' she stopped talking completely as if frozen and looked at her hands and the cup inside them, 'Mother would feed me milk of the poppy, but if Aegon couldn't bring himself to come. Then she would send Aemond,' she admitted quietly and waited for a blow of anger or disgust. Aemond wasn't like their brother. He tried.
He tried to be good and gentle, but it was all the same in the end as Helaena simply drifted away turning her head away from the kiss.
'You mark me in shame, Aemond,' she told him after he turned his back to her annoyed or saddened over her displeasure of it all, 'I thought you were better than them.'
She knew she said the wrong thing because he left abruptly, and it was the end to their gentle and friendly talks that at the time were the only decent conversations she had left.
But it was awful. All so awful. Helaena couldn't stand it. The hypocrisy of it all. Her mind and body refused to accept it. She was wed. No matter her opinions of Aegon it was the law, and her mother took it all and broke it as she saw fit. As grandfather ordered her. As their ambition and confused hearts demanded. Aemond merely followed their mother's orders as always, but it was all the same to Helaena in the end.
It hurt the same.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
But as always, the young woman endured. Helaena endured it all because of her children. Her beautiful children with their silver-golden hair and purple eyes were worth it all. Her reward for all her suffering and pain. All that injustice for their innocent looks and happy smiles. She would suffer through it all over again and more just for them.
She thought by then, even if it was still a handful of days that they got to be close, she knew Jacaerys's well. Yet, even if it was so, she still felt anxious about his reaction to it all. To the truth. The implication of the nature of her children's parentage.
Jacaerys offered his hand, and when she set her cup into it, he refilled it without looking too sad she didn't take it.
'It matters not to me, Helaena,' he said very comfortably by now to use her name when they were like this alone. Helaena was just as comfortable hearing him say it.
'My mother would say, we're all of the houses of Targaryen. What right would I have to judge?' he asked almost mocking the idea, and Helaena knew it was not in his nature to judge someone about who their father was.
'I merely wished you did not suffer in all of this. Every time you speak, my stomach tightens at the injustice done to you, personally,' he admitted and clenched his fist looking every bit angered.
It left Helaena torn between grateful and worried that she might have again said something she shouldn't have. Even now, it was at times troublesome, but in a moment Jacaerys released his hand. It appeared he found a way to restore his peace of mind.
He smiled openly in a way that made him look especially handsome and finished, 'But, please, I beg of you, Helena. Never stop talking to me. I feel… our talks are my favorite times of the day.'
She nodded and felt a smile come across her face, even if a small one. She understood such feelings as well.
'Thank you, Jacaerys.'
'Jace,' he said and chuckled a bit, 'Let us pretend we were close as children. Friends even.'
'Jace, then, childhood companions mayhap,' she nodded and felt good as she saw his eyes looked less sad now. Almost warm.
Their eyes and faces were always haunted. Helaena at least had her children to keep her hopeful and bring her joy or perhaps it was her visions that settled her mind to peace. It was hard to grieve and suffer when she saw brightness in the future. It still made her mourn at times, but she thought all her family to be ghosts long before they truly left with the Stranger.
The wedding night did not go as Helaena would predict it. There was no bedding ceremony despite the feast taking place in the grand hall. It was truly bizarre to see the Lords celebrate as if nothing happened.
Even more shocking was when Jacaerys stopped her undressing by taking her wrists and sitting her down on the bed, 'Helaena, I won't bed you when you're drunk and shaking.'
With the fog caused by all the cups of wine she took so quickly after each other, it took her a moment to realize the meaning behind his words. Gentle, respectful, honorable, and protective was what Jacaerys Velaryon, now Targaryen always was, but he was never one to avoid his duties either.
'I don't know how else to do this,' she admitted looking away from his face because the intense warmth of his brown eyes became almost unbearable at that moment. His handsome, honest, and trustful face that despite all the bad blood between their family, all the chaos and pain his face made her feel safe was almost too much to be faced with right now.
'I've never done it any other way,' she confessed and the moment those words left her mouth she felt something wet across her cheeks startled that she did. She did not think it would affect her. Certainly not after all those years and now with Jace.
'Oh, Helaena,' she heard his voice and flinched at the pity in it, 'Don't-'
He kneeled down as she tried to look away and gently took her hands again in his. His thumbs started to slowly stroke her knuckles, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry your life was so hard and wrong. That's…that's no way to live or… love. I…I can't- I won't do that to you.'
She felt the familiar tension she felt when her family was bending the duties and laws to better fit their needs, 'But the duty…bedding-'
'You have two beautiful children,' said Jace cutting her off which was not typical of him.
His brown eyes were warm and open when they look at hers, and she knew he spoke honestly when he said, 'Your duty to this realm is done and some.'
She watched him for a moment. The wine did not help her mind to think properly, and she feared she was too slow, but finally, she shook her head, 'You can't have his children be your heirs, Jace.'
The blood of the dragon is all the same in the end
'The lords won't let you,' she tried to reason even if she felt less sure as the words danced inside her mind.
Jace frowned a bit as he often had when they spoke of the Lord and other houses who seemed less than pleased about it all, 'The lords will do as their king commands them to. If I want, I can make you my heir and no one can so much as lift a finger to protest.'
His face softened then became more handsome, 'Jay is a good lad. He's not like Aegon or…,' he didn't finish, but they both knew what he had meant to say. 'Every bit, even his looks are all his mother, and he will make a fine king because of that. I'll take them as my own. Both of them. Jay will be my heir,' he smirked a bit, 'I think it would be rather fitting a bastard like me would have a son from another man as well.'
Helaena's hand slipped from his and took hold of his face feeling a wave of affection, more than she ever had for anyone who wasn't her child, 'You're not a bastard. You're a good man, Jace. The best I've ever known. If you truly wish for it, I wouldn't have found a better man to be a father to my children.'
He smiled so beautifully Helaena thought him truly handsome and took hold of her wrist rotating her palm until he could press a soft kiss against the skin there, 'Thank you, Helaena.'
Her stomach tightened, and for a moment, she thought he would perhaps push her to the fur and execute their duties tonight after all, but in the end, he returned her hand against her knee and gave her a tender look, 'Helaena, I think…I think you need time to heal.'
'I'm not injured,' she said quickly as she had since the first time, he helped her and her children on his dragon to rescue them.
Jace made that face she didn't understand perhaps because of her peculiarity or perhaps because of the wine and sighed not as if he was annoyed or tired with her, but in a way, he sometimes did when he needed to sort his thoughts and speak of something important.
'I think in here,' he said as the fingers of his free hand pulled at her curls instead of touching her head, 'and here,' they then circled around her chest where her heart should be placed, 'If you still wish for it afterward, we can try again, but first let us heal and find peace. Together.'
He then looked away, and in the light from the candles and her hazy mind, Helaena thought he appeared like the boy he once was. Shy.
'We have time,' he spoke with a strange undertone almost like longing, 'we will get there, Helaena.'
His voice, words, and gestures were so gentle. Nothing compared to what she had to endure on her first night with her first husband.
'You're a freak,' said Aegon drunkenly and shook his head turning his back to her on their wedding night, 'Having you as a sister is hard enough, but for you to be my wife…is a fucking nightmare, dear Helaena.'
'Helaena,' spoke Jace and helped her up again, 'You can return to your children tonight. We will prepare new chambers in the morning.'
He led her back to her children in the darkness familiar with the halls almost as much as she was.
'You're a good man, Jace,' she whispered grimacing at how in her drunk state her high Valyrian was less than perfect.
She heard him chuckle in the shadows squeezing her hand, but before he could leave, she held onto him and led him into the chambers, 'You have been with us since you saved us. Let us not break this new tradition, Jacaerys.'
When he hesitated, her lips parted, and whispered, 'There is a shadow lurking in my chambers.'
Jace looked puzzled only for a moment before he waited, but she did not know the answer to his question or had anything more to say about the strange words that danced inside her mind.
He eventually nodded and went to take a seat by the bed as she laid down with her-their children, 'Good night, Helaena. I swear, I will watch over you.'
The next morning, the gods were kind again, and Helaena did not suffer from the wine too much as she and the children settled into their new chambers.
She was grateful as she was sure she wouldn't be able to sleep without them. However, she noticed another door, and if her mind was correct there was another chamber there that could easily be someone's room. A king's room.
'You're worried. The lords…'
There is a shadow lurking in my chambers.
Jace was sorting through the lands and post-war affairs all day, but he did come to talk to her when he had a moment.
He nodded before she even finished what she wanted to say and voiced his thoughts, 'Some despise the idea of me being their king. Others rebel against the idea of you being the queen. Some opposed to the idea that I want to take your children as my own and make Jay my heir,' he said and briefly glanced to the side at the children playing with the servant girl in another room.
Helaena recalled how he praised the boy last night. They did not speak often, but whenever Jace came the children seemed to be drawn to him and if he paid them attention, they seemed thrilled. She did not lie to them, and in soft words explained what happened. They knew of the war and that it ended because Jace won, and that she was to marry him to secure peace. Jay might have understood it better than Jara, but he did not seem to dwell too much on it simply asking if they were safe now. They cried about their grandfather and perhaps uncle Aemond, but their always absent father was nothing more than a painting in the background as if they never met the man at all.
Jace carried on cutting through Helaena's thoughts, 'No one seems to be particularly happy with this. With us.'
Helaena could almost feel the invisible rope hanging around her neck slowly tightening as her breaths became shallow as she understood this. Even at peace, with a marriage secured, they were in danger from those who wished to rule, and who wished for more power.
However, just as quickly as the sensation arose Jace stopped the progress of the rope with his next words, 'I am their king. We're the house Targaryen. We shall endure and persist whatever complaints they might have.'
He stepped closer to her, but still not as close as so she would feel caged or suffocating. Jace always remained in a distance or acceptable closeness mindful of all her needs, 'I swore to protect you, and your children, Helaena. I won't let anything happen to you. And whoever tries will regret the day such traitorous thought crossed their mind.'
She watched his face, especially focusing on his dark eyes no matter how hard it was. Jace was a man of honor above all. Helaena believed him. Every word.
Her head nodded and she stepped closer to him looking around the rooms grateful they were not those she used to have before. It felt like a new beginning of sorts. She enjoyed that feeling quite a lot, 'I always liked being near my children. It will be interesting for all of us to be together here. Like a family.'
He sensed him watching her as she continued to inspect the place around them, and when she returned her gaze back to his face, she found him smiling brightly at her before his lips repeated, 'Like a family.'
Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.
It wasn't long afterward, that Jace took a special interest in her son. He made him his cupbearer and allowed him to every meeting of the council between his studies. Jay was excited beyond the way Helaena ever saw the boy. When he was younger, it didn't occur to her that he might need a male figure in his life to guide him. Aegon never took interest in his children and Aemond was often away in battle. Her children looked happy to be with her and the servant girls playing in the chambers. Helaena's own father was absent from her life, and people often treated her as if they forgot she was even there. It didn't seem like a great loss, especially because unlike her, Jay and Jara had each other. They would never be lonely.
However, now, seeing the light in her son's eyes when Jace spoke to him or asked something of him, Helaena could see just how different her own children were from her. Perhaps Jara was more like her, but even so, they were their own person with their own needs that went beyond those of their mothers. Her mother often made the mistake to forget her, and her brothers' needs and pressured what she believed they needed upon them. Helaena hoped to learn from such a mistake and priorities her children's needs above her own wishes.
The training yard was rarely a place, that young princess Helaena came to visit. The fighting could lead to blood and that was a hard bite to swallow for the woman ever since she was a child. Even in childbirth, her maester had a sheet to separate her from the sight of the red liquid.
But here she was with Jara at her side watching Jace instruct Jay how to properly lift a sword and attack. Something the young boy never got a chance to do as the males were mostly preoccupied with the war.
She did not think her son was very good, but it seemed Jace's patience was unshakable as he continued to lead him and teach him until he smiled kindly at the boy and praised him for his success. No matter how small.
It was a beautiful sight, and Helaena could sense other people around the court were glancing from the balconies watching it as well. She wished they saw hope in this and did not carry malice in their hearts to want to ruin such a peaceful time.
Look how we can heal. Let us.
Soon, Helaena felt Jara pull at her hand wishing to be freed and so she let her daughter's hand go. The little girl immediately walked toward the king and her brother.
'What is it, princess? Do you wish to learn the arts of a swordsman as well?' asked Jace and even if his words could be mistaken for jesting, it seemed his smile was sincere or at least the same one Helaena learned to trust. Open, honest, patient, and kind. She doubted there ever lived or will a king like Jacaerys Targaryen. She could only hope her son will learn such traits from him as well.
'A dragon's egg hatches not for its mother, but for its rider,' she whispered and then pressed her lips into a tight line not wishing to spoil such a carefree moment with her children and husband.
Her chest felt warm, and her heart swelled.
'But she's a girl,' protested her son in a childlike manner, and Jace bit back a smile it seemed as he reached out and almost father-like brushed Jay's silver-golden hair, 'All the more reason for her to learn how to defend herself. Don't you think?'
Helaena watched in silence as her son thought about Jace's words for a moment. He already made an impact on the boy every time he spoke, and she could see Jay valued Jace deeply.
He looked at the man and then back at Jara as she was trying to lift the wooden sword, he previously managed to toss out of Jace's hand. He had to let him. No child would be strong enough to do this, but it still meant a lot that he did.
When Jay made up his mind, he returned to look at the king, 'I'll protect her, but if I'm not around. She should know how to do so herself before I get to her.'
Helaena's heart warmed at the words of her son, and she watched Jace's face soften into that handsome look of his youth, 'Wise choice, my prince.'
Her son smiled, and Helaena could see a faded blush covering his cheeks as well as pride sparkling in his eyes. He already put Jace on a pedestal higher than he ever had Aegon or even Aemond. Helaena found it even more beautiful to witness. Her chest felt warmer while she watched the exchange.
Jace glanced at her, and his smile remained there, 'Perhaps, it would be wise for your mother to learn something as well. For her own protection.'
Helaena found herself laughing a bit before she started to walk closer to them. It was impossible not to.
'Yes!' she heard her son's delight at her approaching, and her daughter also smiled at the ground happy from the gentle excitement around her.
Even if Jay was more involved, it seemed Jace also liked to spend time with Jara. If she demanded it, he picked her up and carried her around answering the questions she did not ask with her words, but with her eyes and the pointing of her finger.
She had yet to speak anything other than mama and Jay, but Helaena being called peculiar and odd all her life, did not worry. Her daughter will speak when there was something for her to say. So far there was not.
Jay had his heart settled already as he admitted to her when she put them in the bed one night, 'He doesn't look at me like father did. Like I am not there at all…Maybe like uncle Aemond, but also…not. He's not too eager like he expects things of me or is waiting for me to do something…,' said her son sounding like he couldn't properly word what his heart wished to say, 'Father-the King he looks at me like he wants to play with me and talk to me, but there is no command behind it, only freedom and choice. If I wish to fly on the dragon, we go flying, and if I wish to stay on the ground, he accepts it and asks me what I want to do.'
They both smile for a moment as it sounded very much like Jace the way, Jay described him.
Jay averted his eyes from her before he spoke again, 'One of the servant girls told me once when we first started to live here that we should be grateful. We should kiss the ground the king walks on for letting us keep breathing.'
Helaena frowned as dread settled into her heart over the knowledge that her child had to hear such horrible things. That she couldn't protect them from it all, but Jay seemed to sense it as he carefully took her hand. He was a good child. He would be a good man. Helaena was certain of it.
'Do not fear mother. King Jace just wants to be in our company. He wants to make us happy. I like him…he's not like anyone I ever met,' said the boy repeating Helaena's own words about their new king.
She nodded and pulled her eldest into her embrace, 'You're more than right.'
Jara requested a kiss soon after and when she took Helaena's face between her tiny hands, she smiled a bit, 'King is good, mama.'
Helaena kissed her daughter with delight feeling pride knowing Jara would speak if she had something to say. She felt content that she spoke of something so sweet, 'Yes, beloved, you're right as well.'
Satisfied and exhausted, the children soon fell asleep, and Helaena went to Jace's room to talk with him before she would go to sleep as well, 'The children adore you.'
He looked shy like the boy he used to be when he looked away, 'That's good to hear…I want them to like me.'
'They love you,' she told him, and he looked at her as if surprised by the news.
An idea arose out of nowhere, and Helaena leaned forward and kiss the confusion from between his eyebrows before she left him to rest feeling a pulse inside her lips and wondering if Jace felt one from the spot they touched.
When good men are kings…
There are certainly worse things that could happen…
'Say it again,' Helaena breathed with her purple eyes wide as if Jacaerys told her the infinite secret. It happened so simply and out of the blue, it occurred to her, anyone else might have thought it to be strange, but Jace wasn't like anyone else, and neither was Helaena.
He, then, blinked for a brief moment looking puzzled with his lips parted before they turned into a wide smile that made him look so much more handsome and younger, 'At once, Your Grace.'
She waited, but for the first time, the whispers didn't dance inside her head. For the first time since her family and servants started to use that term, that title it didn't feel fake, unearned, or wrong. For the first time, coming from Jacaerys Targaryen's mouth it felt right.
Jace looked happy. He looked young and happy, and Helaena felt the same even more so because she was looking at him and knew, she caused this precious moment.
She couldn't rationalize her actions, and she did not wish to as she reached for him.
Her fingers dived into the back of his head, into his dark hair, and curled around them while her lips pressed against his seeking more of that happiness and youthfulness he sparked inside her.
Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.
The word danced around her head freely not minding that the steps weren't proper as her lips moved against his.
If he was surprised, he only allowed himself to be for the briefest instant before Helaena felt his palm behind her against the base of her neck and the other on her back guiding her closer.
The kiss made her head spin despite her age and experience. She felt drunk on the feeling of something other than regret, fear, and sadness. She felt almost free of it all at least for a moment.
His lips were soft but so eager for more moving against her own and holding her as if she was precious to him. It was a good feeling. No one ever kissed her like this. No one ever made him feel this way.
He deepened the kiss earning a soft sound of pleasure from her that seemed to please him as well.
The knock on the door broke them apart gasping still holding onto each other with their eyes wide and lips parted.
Jace inhaled and then let out a deep exhale that Helaena knew now meant he wanted to curse but held himself back because of her presence. She couldn't recall anyone ever trying so hard to control themselves in front of her and genuinely managing as much as Jace.
It made her want to kiss him again, and she almost did, but the knock was persistent, and Jace groaned quietly before his lips settled against the side of her jaw. That kiss was soft and quick before he untangled himself away from her looking just as torn as she felt and until their fingers didn't let go of one another completely, Helaena never felt anyone understood her and her feelings more than Jace in that moment. They appeared to be two reflections of the same mirror just then.
'There is a shadow lurking in my chambers,' Helaena admitted quietly knowing it didn't sound right to Jace or anyone other than her, but she couldn't explain better than that. She wished she could. Now more than ever she wished she could explain it to him better than to anyone else, but her daydreams that clouded her mind were never that polite to her.
She glanced away from his eyes. Because of confusion and annoyance, she could handle it, but the pure sadness over wishing to understand her and not being able was always too much for the queen. Especially from Jace.
Her Jace as she called him at times in the back of her mind because how could she not?
Her Jace, who had been nothing but respectful and kind to her. Her Jace who took her children and made them his own threatening them better than either of their fathers ever did. It was painful, and not for the first time, Helaena wished she was ordinary and not peculiar. She wished she was not different and had the words that danced inside her mind.
One should be always punished for his ungratefulness over the gifts from the gods
Helaena felt fear enter her heart as such words echoed inside her mind. Even if she did not understand what they mean punishment by gods never sounded good, especially to someone like her.
She expected it during the night as those were usually times one would expect gods to make their judgment and punish someone, which was why she remained alone with her children close to her side often accompanied by Jace who tried to entertain the two young members of the house of Targaryen and ease their mind of any distress. He did not know what Helaena's words would bring, but he stood guard, and she was eternally grateful even more than she already was.
When he went to wish the children and her goodnight, she would take a moment to kiss his mouth sweetly and softly as a young lady in love would, and he would return her favor in kind making them both feel younger and less haunted by life.
'Good night, Helaena.'
'Sweet dreams, Jace.'
So no, if anything at night, Helaena got her reward or favor of the gods as she was with Jace and her children. Her punishment came during the day when she least expected it in a form of a Lord who wished to punish her children for the sins of their first father.
It happened swiftly, and all Helaena recalled was how she protected her children by holding them with one hand and raising the other when she saw the man's hand move toward them.
The dagger pierced through her skin, and Helaena screamed forgetting herself that she should not upset her children more than the man already have, but the pain was simply too severe to endure at the moment.
She was uncertain what happened then, apart from Jace appearing and cutting the man in half while Helaena couldn't do anything other than sob in pain and at the sight of all that blood. It reminded her of when Jace and his family came to secure Luce's right to Driftmark all those years ago.
'Let me take care of your mother, children,' he spoke close to her ear, but by that point, Helaena's eyes were sealed closed as she couldn't stand the sight of all that red around her.
'But father-'
'Stay with the Ser Arrock and Mila,' said Jace firmly, but he did not yell, 'They will take you into the other room.'
Helaena's hand slipped from Jay's shoulder as she felt herself being picked up. Her body reacted immediately, and she struggled against the intrusion while Jace must have carried her out of the room and away from the gruesome image left behind.
'Mama, stay strong,' called out Jara from far away, but Helaena's body remained fighting against the touch she felt as Jace carried her.
They stopped not too long ago, and she felt herself being seated over his knee.
'There is no need for a maester,' he said close to her ear, but not to her, 'set it all over here for me.'
Her body remained struggling even if her mind tried to reason with it that it was only her Jace who was keeping her in his arms and trying to protect her from others.
He saved her again, and by the touches, and what little she saw as she kept her eyes away from her hand now, she knew he was trying to attend to her wound.
She put her chin against his shoulder hating the feeling of his hand holding onto hers, 'Just a bit longer, my love.'
Helaena didn't wait and when pain shot through her from the wound, her instinct took over.
She bit Jace's shoulder while tears rolled down her eyes.
He flinched but did not his or move too much as it must not have been so severe because of the clothing he still had on.
She waited her body tense and still wishing to fight, but nothing happened other than Jace taking care of her wound as she kept her eyes on the wall behind him. He didn't slap her as Aegon had, and he didn't throw her on the ground in shock as Aemond had. He simply held her on his lap one arm around her waist tending to her stabbed-through palm regardless of her actions.
Slowly her teeth let go of his clothing and after another moment, Helaena finally brought herself to look at him.
His eyes were on his work. He looked patient and kind and when the dark irises did lift to her gaze, he sighed, 'I am sorry I wasn't there sooner. I promised you and your children protection, and this is the fruit of my words.' He finished her palm and rose as if for her to see. It was covered by a piece of fabric now. There was no blood to frighten or upset her anymore. As always Jace took care of it, of her.
'Helaena, please, forgive me,' he begged silently with hope, 'I cannot…I cannot stand for you to hate him too. You…you and the children are all I have.'
Her heart skipped a beat as it often had when it came to Jace, and she opened her mouth, 'I love you.'
His eyes widened at her words spoken so easily, and she found small satisfaction at his surprise. She never liked when people acted surprised or shocked by her words or actions. She didn't enjoy when their confused and dismissive stares settled upon her. At those times, they wished she left their space and Helaena wished for the same.
Jace's stares, even the confused ones, weren't like that. They were welcoming, and Helaena smiled brightly knowing that she spoke the truth. She didn't understand that feeling growing up. She felt some affection for her family as even if they did not understand her they were there, but she only truly learned the definition behind the feeling when she had her children. The feeling was warm and kind, but also fierce and anxious. She worried about them constantly yet was overjoyed in their presence despite her own sorrows.
Her feelings for Jace were different, but she recognized the similarities. For Jace, she burnt, when he looked at her a certain way or touched her. For Jace she yearned when she wished to be close to him, touch his hand or kiss his lips with the witness or without even if her body didn't always allow it.
Jace's handset hers on her knee and then he leaned toward her to stroke her hair he appeared serious a bit afraid, yet for once Helaena knew it wasn't of her, 'I love you too Helaena. I never wish for anything other than good things to come your and the children's way. I'm sorry, I did not understand your words before. We're a family.'
A reply worthy of someone to love.
She leaned forward with every intention to press her lips against his just as sweetly as she had those handfuls of times, but just as quickly, she cringed at the smell of blood and returned to his shoulder to kiss the spot she hurt before over the fabric of his clothes.
Jace did not seem to mind as he smiled at her again, and she watched his face for the longest of times feeling bathed in the warmth the sight brought her, 'Jace?'
'Yes, beloved?'
'Let us bath together. Clean today's punishment,' she said casually, and then she watched as Jace's cheek looked ever so slightly red and his mouth let out a small chuckle before he nodded looking just as beautiful as ever.
'As my Queen commands.'
Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.
Maelor was born with dark brown curls, and his siblings could not get enough of stroking them and watching him sleep.
'It's unfair how he looks just like father,' said Jara as she stroked the babe's cheek while it was sleeping in Jace's arms with Helaena watching them all from her spot on the bed. She needed to rest, and she was grateful the new addition to their family seemed to be like Jara and did not need much but sleep at the moment.
Jace looked at Helaena and brought the babe into her arms again for a moment. She breathed in his newborn scent feeling almost lulled back to sleep. She was exhausted and content. It seemed unavoidable that the dreamland would take her.
'You did well, beloved. I will watch the children. Rest a bit,' she heard and felt the babe was lifted away from her, and even with her eyes closing she knew it was in good hands. They all were.
Despite her exhaustion, she felt Jace kiss her forehead softly.
'It's very fair,' argued Jay, and Helaena's eyes opened only to see him lean against Jace's shoulder to have a closer look at his new brother, 'We look like a mother. It's only fair, father would have one to look like him.'
'Why thank you Jay,' jested his father, and the boy grinned at him for a moment before he looked at the babe again.
His words might have been odd, but the loving look on behind his purple eyes told Helaena all she needed to know. Her children were good and kind. Her oldest will make a good king one day.
When good men are kings…
There are certainly worse things that could happen…
'Now, let's really leave your mother to rest, and show Maelor the egg you and Jara picked for him, shall we?'
Koniec
A.N: Sorry, I waited this long to post, but I had covid last week, so I wasn't feeling all that good. Thank you for reading. I feel, I might have messed up the ending, and the story in whole came out softer than I intended to, but I did not have the heart or mood to make them suffer too much. I hope you, and your loved ones are okay. Have a nice day.
