"I wanna listen to Smurfs mommy!" Holly exclaims as soon as she's strapped in.
"Okay honey, I know, I know just hold on a sec."
She feels around for the tape while looking in the rearview mirror, trying to not back anyone over in the cul-de-sac while at the same time satisfying her impatient daughter. There it is. She grabs the tape and shoves in the cassette player while looking in the side mirror. Briefly she wonders how many things she could do in this car with her eyes closed, with all the time spent in the trusty station wagon over the years she knows everything about it, how to handle it, where every little thing is and-
Aaaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaaah
Aaaaaaaaaah
Well, she may have overestimated herself because apparently she can't even grab a tape without looking. At least not the right one. Because this sure doesn't sound like the Smurfs tape, she's got that figured out on her own even before Holly loudly declares:
"Mom! This is not Smurfs! I want Smurfs!"
"Whoops, wrong tape honey sorry just hold on."
Let's dance
Let's dance
A male voice sings over a catchy rhythm. She's not sure what it is but surmises Nancy must've left the tape in the car when she borrowed it yesterday. She ejects the tape from the player and glances at it. From Cali With Love is scribbled on it in a slightly scratchy but yet soft penmanship. It must be from Jonathan, she realizes. That's sweet.
She puts the mixtape down and finds the much desired Smurfs tape instead and shoves that in to placate her youngest on the way to kindergarten.
Soon as she's dropped off Holly she as usual pops the Smurfs tape out again. She doesn't need to hear another second of it, it's all Holly wants to listen to in the car nowadays. Halfway through her regular motion of switching over to the radio she stops herself. Normally she always tunes into 105.5, WBAT plays so many nice ones from the 60s. But that song on Jonathan's tape for Nancy… it's not what she normally listens to, but it had something. And why must she always do the same thing? She drives the same way, doing the same errands, listening to the same stuff every day. Why not just mix it up a little? She puts the tape back in.
Let's dance
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues
Let's dance
To the song they're playin' on the radio
Let's sway
While color lights up your face
Let's sway
Sway through the crowd to an empty space
If you say run
I'll run with you
And if you say hide
We'll hide
Because my love for you
Would break my heart in two
If you should fall into my arms
And tremble like a flower
Let's dance
Let's dance
Those are nice lyrics. Makes her think of Nancy and Jonathan. Feels almost invasive in a way, so she tries to not dwell too much on that and just enjoy the nice song. But given all the craziness of the last few years, all the chaos that's been brought on her family and her town, the one thing that feels 100 % right is Nancy and Jonathan together. It doesn't just feel right, it feels special.
She adores Jonathan, always has, ever since he was little he's always been such a nice, sweet boy, coming around to pick up his little brother and obviously being a really great big brother. Somehow Nancy and Jonathan's relationship developed, from the tentative little moments she observed between them in years past when Jonathan would come to pick up Will, to being… not just teenagers in love but a couple, a team, so in tandem. Just something about them together… makes total sense, even now when Jonathan is with his family out in California.
The tape continues with more songs all new to her. Some more melancholic, some sweet. Let's Dance remains her favorite of the bunch, but kids these days and their music really isn't that bad, she has to admit.
Mom picks her up from the library so they can go shopping, she needs a new coat. Countless near death experiences in the last few years has made her appreciate the little things more, like a shopping trip with her mom. Sophomore year, before everything changed one November night, she might've rolled her eyes at the very thought of being seen in public with her mom, at that time she was distancing herself from her, from Mike and the rest of the family too because she was 16 and felt they were embarrassing. Now she's more embarrassed by her attitude back then. After everything she's learnt to not give a shit what anyone thinks and to appreciate the people close to her, because they can be gone any second.
She still feels a tremendous distance to her mother since she doesn't know and will never understand all that's happened to her over the last few years. But that's okay, she's still her mother and she loves her and can enjoy spending time with her like this.
When a new life turns towards you
And the night becomes the day
We shall remain forever
Everyone who meets this way
Oh, our love is like the flowers
The rain, the sea, and the hours
Oh, our love is like the flowers
The rain, the sea, and the hours, ooh oh
"Are you listening to New Order?" She turns to her mom surprised when she hears the familiar lyrics and rhythm.
"Oh, is that what they're called? I like this one I-"
"Oh, here's the tape, I knew I left it somewhere," she interrupts as she spots the case with Jonathan's handwriting on it. That explains the curious music choice.
"Yes, I found it yesterday when I was running my errands and popped it in, I hope you don't mind? There's some good tunes on here!"
"Oh, no it's fine, just surprised is all."
"I thought I'd try something new. He has good tastes, Jonathan, I must say. I really like that song about dancing."
"Let's Dance?" She smiles thinking of it. "Jonathan doesn't actually like it that much, he thinks it's too radio friendly, the snob. He prefers Bowie's earlier stuff. But he still puts it on tapes because it's my favorite by him."
"Aw, that's sweet."
"Yeah, he is."
She gets wistful thinking of Jonathan. He only just moved, but she misses him so much, every day. The tapes and their daily phone calls are nice, but it'll be months before she can finally see him in the flesh again.
"What is it sweetheart?"
"Oh, nothing."
"I know you miss him a lot. But don't worry, before you know it you'll be together again."
"I know."
"I've said it before, but I'm so happy you two found each other. I've always liked Jonathan. What you two have is special."
"Thanks. It feels special."
"By the way, the tapes in your room, are they all from him?"
"Yeah," she smiles. "He's really into music, it's fun sharing it with him."
"That's nice. How many tapes has he made you?"
"All together? I think this is uh… number 57."
"Wow! That's so sweet."
They listen to the tape the whole way there, and play it again on the way back. They get so into it, it only feels mildly weird to singalong to Patti Smith with her mom, who's drumming the beat against the steering wheel as they go down Branford Avenue.
Come on now try and understand
The way I feel when I'm in your hands
Take my hand come undercover
They can't hurt you now,
Can't hurt you now, can't hurt you now
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to lust
Because the night belongs to lovers
Because the night belongs to us
Have I doubt when I'm alone
Love is a ring, the telephone
Love is an angel disguised as lust
Here in our bed until the morning comes
Come on now try and understand
The way I feel under your command
Take my hand as the sun descends
They can't touch you now,
Can't touch you now, can't touch you now
Because the night belongs to lovers
"So I think you've turned my mom into a David Bowie fan. And New Order and Patti Smith, at least."
"What?" Jonathan's chuckle in response makes her grin.
She falls back onto the bed with the phone clutched to her ear and tells him all about her car ride with mom.
"I might have to make mixes for her too then?" Jonathan josses when she's finished telling him the tale.
"I'm sure she'd appreciate that," she smiles. "She misses having you around too, she said. Not as much as I do, but still…"
"I miss you too, so much it's insane. Wish you were here. Or I was there with you."
"I wish that too. I can't wait 'til I get to see you again," she tells him. "What do you want to listen to? It's your turn to pick," she continues.
It's an idea she came up with soon after he moved away. When he was still living here, they spent a lot of time holed up in either of their bedrooms just hanging out. Doing everything from studying together to doing… other things together, and everything in between. Always with music playing. So now when he's 2000 miles away and they spend every evening talking on the phone instead, she figured that if they put on the same music in the background at the same time it will at least feel a bit more like they're still together in the same room. Luckily Jonathan had made two copies of most of his mixes, after one too many times of her wanting to listen to a specific tape while over at his old house only to realize that she left it on her own nightstand.
"You know. The latest one you made for me," he immediately answers in a soft voice.
"Excellent choice," she smiles into the receiver.
With all the tapes he's made for her over time she of course thought to reciprocate. First tape she made for him was for his birthday, his first one after they got together. It was weirdly nerve-wracking to put it together, since music is so important to him. She consulted Will on it, who helped her dig through Jonathan's collection while he was at work. It was a success, Jonathan was genuinely touched. After that she's made a few tapes for him, she's not as prolific as he is with it.
She digs out the tape in question, one she made his last week in Hawkins. She made two copies of it right away, so she could listen to it and think of him, and he could listen to it and hopefully feel all the thoughts and emotions she tried to put it in it for him.
"Ready?" She asks, hovering with her index finger over the play button.
"Ready," he replies.
"One, two, three…" they count down together before pressing play simultaneously.
The soft tones of Velvet Underground starts. And soon Nico's voice.
I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain, and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home
First time Jonathan played this record for her this song caught her attention for a reason she reminds him of now.
"I'll always be your mirror, you know."
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside, you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
Jonathan can sell himself so short, be so self-deprecating and guarded, like he was afraid of letting anyone in really close, to really see him. He's so adept at observing others but is often completely blind to himself. Thankfully she was able to knock through the walls he put up and get really close to him and see. See the amazing person he is, that he himself doesn't seem to realize he is. But she'll always be ready to remind him of what he is.
I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty you are
But if you don't, let me be your eyes
A hand to your darkness so you won't be afraid
"I love you," he murmurs softly.
"I love you."
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside, you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I'll be your mirror (Reflect what you are)
I'll be your mirror (Reflect what you are)
I'll be your mirror (Reflect what you are)
I'll be your mirror (Reflect what you are)
